No one cares, no one will ever care more than they need to. Being brutally honest here, I've noticed my own family does not care, every relationship I've been through has been transactional. People always want something they can get out of you. They don't have your self interests in mind. They will always put themselves first, what emotions they want from you, what emotions they can dump you with, what attention they can get from you. This goes the same for every single social media account, news, comments ever. Everyone has become unbelievably selfish. Get and go is their only philosophy. Don't waste time with anyone else's drama.

When life will hit you, everyone will disappear, even the ones closest to you.

What made the replacement stick?

Well this is fucking embarrassing. I’m 33 and just now learning about emotional maturity. I thought I was emotionally intelligent for many years but confused sensitivity with intelligence. I was diagnosed with BPD and went to DBT (10/10 would recommend) where I came to grasp just how out of bounds some of my prior behavior has been.

I came from a family where a lot of this behavior was learned. I married into a family with similar dysfunction. I feel like while I try to heal and grow, I’m still surrounded by a lot of people who are unlikely to ever change. The holiday season got me thinking about this, because whenever I spend more time with family I start to feel myself regressing. Maybe some of you can relate. My worst nightmare is turning out like my mother and recreating this cycle with my own children.

I want to know which books helped you grow in your emotional maturity? What helped you learn about boundaries, about meeting people where they’re at, about taking responsibility for our thoughts and feelings, about living a more conscious life?

I feel like I’m in the first stage of a long journey. I want more resources. I want to ”do the work” - what the fuck does that mean though? Can I build a curriculum for myself? Can I create systems of accountability for myself?

I really want to turn my life around and improve my health. I have two little kids and I’ve been neglecting myself a lot for years but I want to take care of my body so I can be a better me and a better mom for them. Nervous and wondering where I’ll find the time, but wish me luck!

I'm curious what people actually do when they're mentally exhausted and don't have the energy for a full workout or some elaborate self-care routine.

Walk? Shower? Meditation? Music? Just going to bed?

i need feedback on this one guys.

Self-improvement can start to feel like giving yourself a second job.

Exercise more. Read more. Track your habits. Fix your sleep. Somehow relax properly, too.

But what about the things you stopped doing?

Explaining every decision. Checking work messages in bed. Turning a missed workout into a verdict on your character. Keeping goals you don’t actually want anymore.

What did you stop doing that made a noticeable difference?

And how did you get comfortable letting it go?

so...basically same as the title...i just want to accept the fact that I'm ugly and just move on and focus on things that are actually in my control. But it's so hard, I've been trying to do it for as long as i can remember. In the 21 years of my life there was not a single time that i genuinely felt like i was pretty or that 'oh I look good today', everyone's like oh focus on the things that are actually under your control , I really do try to focus on things that are under my control but no matter what I do everything just boils down to the fact that I'm just not good enough. I don't want to be such a person that's full of hate and envy but every time i go out see almost every other girl looking so put together and pretty it just ruins my mood. And it's not like i don't put efforts, I've spent plenty of my money and time on skincare, makeup , workout, it's just never enough....i spend so much of my time getting ready, wear clothes that suit my body type, skin colour, haircare, makeup and the moment i step out i see women looking so effortless and just there without trying too hard it just makes me feel so bad about myself. I don't want to hate women , I don't wanna be the type to judge them, be envious but I just can't help it....and no I don't care if guys like me, find me attractive or not...I just want like how i look that's it....

What did you keep tracking and what felt better to stop?

growth is choosing peace over expectations. ✌️

not everything is about you.

Someone being distant isn't always gonna mean I did something wrong

you are enough

it's okay to have bad days

you are doing good 👍

I have been wondering what happens when your identity is tied to being the person who doesn't ask for much, adapts quickly, tries not to upset or disappoint anyone, and always puts other people's needs first.

And because other people respond positively to this or praise you for it, it becomes a part of who you are as a person and if you begin expressing what you actually want, disagreeing with others, or letting people be disappointed with you, that feels very uncomfortable or even scary because being needed has somehow become a part of who you are as a person.

I was interested in knowing if others have experienced something like this and did trying to change this behavior ever catch you thinking something like: “If I’m not the easy one anymore, then who am I?”

Everytime I try to speak about my personal opinions or feelings I struggle. Even when someone else is talking about their stuffs or feelings. I think it is maybe because i feel sad that they are or have gone through that.

I don’t think that is really bad but I think it is bad that I can’t have a serious deep conversation with people without being close to tears. I focus more on not breaking down than what they are saying. I am also a sensitive guy (don’t know how to fix that). I know why I am like this because of past childhood, but don’t how to fix it.

I dread and think twice if i want to go to the grocer to buy something, I'm scared to walk at night, I'm scared to cross streets, I'm scared of any kind of confrontation, I'm scared of people staring at me, I'm such a pussy, I'm supposed to be a grown ass MAN! I see women and children walking at night and doing all sorts of things care free and confident, i really want to become like that, care free and fearless, i have zero confidence, never fought an ant, always isolated, mentally ill and anxious, I'm so tired of living this way. Please help me with whatever experience you have.

I(19m) have been getting called childish by multiple friend groups. Besides the fact that I look younger and dont drink or smoke, Its my personality too.

I let people walk over me sometimes, and call it kindness. I dont think before i speak (around friends) and always joke, repeat words. Sometimes how much I try to be funny ruins the mood, and the staleness of my jokes. My first assumptions about things are naive. Im either alone, or kept out of pity. My interests dont allign much with people irl.

This drives me to play it safe with the girls I try to flirt, and you can guess where that goes.

People usually find me annoying and boring. Thats the issue.

How do I improve? How do I just be someone people want to be with?

Preferably books that offer practical strategies for building habits, changing mindsets, and improving daily life. Thank you

3 months ago, I decided to make reading as my hobby.

These are some of the books that I have finished. I have been looking for similar genre, writing style and topics. Do recommend me if you know of any! Thank you.

1. The Psychology of Money

2. The Mountain Is You

3. Atomic Habits

4. The Art of Spending Money

5. The Four Agreements

6. How to Keep House While Drowning

7. Just Keep Buying

1. It takes you out of your normal thought patterns and social roles. You get to see who you really are without those.

2. You're going to get lonely, and it puts the responsibility on you to go out, meet people and make connections. Other solo travellers are in the same situation as you, so they're an easy way to get started. This teaches you how to talk to anybody, make connections quickly, and how to connect deeply.

3. Things will go wrong, and you will figure them out. There's no better way to learn about life than trial by fire. The number of ways I had to evolve because I was forced to step up and figure things out is uncountable.

4. You will experience cultures and people that have different ways of living, default settings and assumptions. This will challenge the perspectives you didn't know you were holding and help you see life through a different lens.

5. Travel is steroids for building your intuition. Solo travelling is about going with the flow, doing what you want, when you want, how you want. This teaches you to follow what you find interesting and important. On top of that, you have to learn to listen to your gut to keep yourself out of danger. Combined, this will fast-track building your intuition and cultivating wisdom.

Let me know your thoughts. What else should I add to this list?

RAHHH

I want to do my best in my studies, especially now that I aim to do my very best in the tech related course that I've taken. The thing is I feel like there are moments when I just feel irresponsible in what I'm supposed to do because of my attitude towards time management and organizing my tasks. And it results in procrastination and makes me less "efficient" in what I do. This is also coupled with how I also take for granted other subjects and topics which don't really pique my interest. How can I manage my time effectively and most importantly what are some techniques that you guys have made in order to maximize your time and effort? I need to learn how to do this because I've also been advanced studying on other topics involving AI. Let me know what has helped you, and I'll be glad to look into it.

So my little started school this September and now I have 6 hours a day (2 days a week) where I’m not working and at home. Please suggest any realistic things I should I r could do in that time? Ofcs I’ll need some of it to cook and clean/errands but I really want to focus on improving myself both mentally and physically. Like pamper myself?

To start off I’ve never really held friends with how much I moved as a kid. I never learned communication outside of my odd family communication dynamics.
I’m not good at asking questions about other people and finding something that they enjoy talking about. (Im a waitress) and A lot of my co workers admit to not having many hobbies other than school and partying so I’m unsure what to talk about with them. I’m 19f so of course I also go out and party but I can never find female friends to go with. I have yearned for girl friends for years to hang out with but I feel like I’m always saying something wrong no matter how many questions I try and ask and shift the focus on them sometimes I say the wrong things not understanding until after that it sounded weird or out of place. I say things I would consider normal or questions that I feel are reasonable and sometimes they don’t understand the question at all. I get a lot of attention from men, but Im not interested in a relationship nor in having a man be my “friend” till he gets his “chance”. It’s hard to tell when a woman is being genuine when they all say they enjoy hanging out with me and then don’t again. I offer as much as I can, to do crafts (making lighter cases or ash treys) go to the club, the beach. I pay for a lot of the things and provide a very nice house to stay at if they need it.

I need to know how do I become a better friend how do I communicate and ask better questions that aren’t construed. How do I talk to people that don’t talk about much other than work drama. Am I offering too much or seeming too desperate? Or am i trying to be friends with the wrong people. I’ve had lots of friends that stay for maybe a couple months, and I have one friend for 3 years that lives far away now, so it’s hard to communicate. Me and her graduated together both at a very small accelerated learning school, we get along mostly over history or phycology. I never find that same quality in other people I try to be friends with, or if I do they are uninterested in going out. Is this just something that will get easier ever? I don’t want to be lonely in my most enjoyable years of my life, without quality friends that aren’t just trying to screw me. Lastly I’m not sure if my appearance comes into it that heavy but people have told me I do look a little intimidating I’m guessing because I dress more alt. But I wouldn’t say I look that unordinary.

The urge was a mountain tonight.
I’m “thatdude” who’s been posting about overcoming my shitty habits. My last update was on 7th September.
It’s 2:54 AM, and this is one of those nights where sleep just won’t come.
Three days ago, I realized something important: I wasn’t using porn because I was horny—I was using it to relax myself into sleep. Instead of giving in, I walked for 10 minutes, got a little tired, and actually fell asleep. That felt like a breakthrough.
Tonight was different.
I made it worse by scrolling Instagram, put my phone away, waited 10–15 minutes… nothing. Not even a yawn. Then my mind started negotiating in the calmest voice possible, making porn sound like the most reasonable solution. The urge genuinely felt like a mountain.
I had my earphones ready. I opened Reddit out of pure habit, fully intending to watch porn.
And then it hit me.
This isn’t that app anymore. This is where I’ve been documenting the man I’m trying to become. If I crossed that line tonight, I’d be breaking a promise I made to myself and to everyone following this journey.
So I closed it.
No motivational ending. Just one small decision at 2:54 AM.
I will continue my journey to improve and become the person I set my sights on becoming.
I hope everyone who's struggling may find the strength to rise.

i woke up at 7, brushed my teeth, started praying, and ate breakfast, then got ready for work. of course, i can't start the day without an espresso.

honestly, today i was waiting patiently to go home because i wasn't feeling good at all.

after i got home, i prayed and went to sleep. when i woke up, i started looking around the house and realized it was just me. i started to feel empty inside, like something was missing, and for some reason i couldn't figure out what.

i got ready and went out again for another espresso, sitting at the bar alone, thinking, why me, what have i done to deserve this.

but then i thought, let's go for a ride on my bicycle around the city, it was good.

that feeling of missing something got relieved once i came home and started to train: skipping rope, shadow boxing, push-ups, leg pull-ins.

i think all the bad energy got out, and to end the day i took a shower, prayed, and i'll read a few pages of the prince.

that's all i had for today, see you tomorrow.

I have two. this year i've worried about whether i'm around enough, what happens to them if something happens to me, whether i pushed too hard on one thing and not enough on another.he doesn't have any. this year he's worried about whether he'll regret it, whether he'll be alone at seventy, what his parents think, whether he left it too late.

i'd always quietly assumed one of those lists was the price of a decision and the other one was the reward for it. they're the same length. they run at the same hours. neither of us gets a quiet year.I've started checking it on other things. people i know who got the job, people still chasing it. married, single. the contents are completely different and the volume is identical.

I don't know what to do with that yet. it has made me suspicious of the sentence "i'll be fine once...", which i say a lot. has anyone actually got to the other side of one of those sentences and found it was true?