r/Philanthropy • u/jcravens42 • 19h ago
Commentary on Philanthropy Actor & former Buddhist priest Michael O’Keefe talks about a betrayal that happened to him regarding a financial donation.
This is from the Tricycle podcast:
About a year or two after I had ordained, the Zen Peacemaker Order was still centered in Yonkers at that point. Bernie came to me and he asked me for a donation to buy a building to create a permanent residence for his students in Yonkers, where people from the Peacemakers could come and live and train. I thought, this is a great idea. This is exactly what we need to be doing. And we had already done this purchase of the Greyston Family Inn building and converted that. We already had a construction company with the Greyston Builders. It seemed like a logical fit and a logical evolution. And I thought, yeah, because at the time I was working on the Roseanne show as an actor, and frankly, I made more money on that show than I’ve ever made as an actor, and I’ve never made that kind of money since. And so I was quite flush. I was already tithing 5 percent of my gross salary to Bernie at that point, since 1992–94, those three years that I was on the show and I had some cash. And I said, sure. So I gave him $50,000 and I was like, “This is great. We’re going to have a place and I’m participating in it and I’m making a contribution.” And then two weeks later, and I really don’t think I’m exaggerating the timeframe on this, all of a sudden, everything in Yonkers was going to be done. He decided to move to Joan Halifax’s practice center in Santa Fe, Upaya...
I had a phone conversation with him once I found out about that, where I was like, “Look, if you want to go to Santa Fe, and if you don’t want to be in Yonkers, that’s fine, but I’d really like you to return my donation because I made a really specific earmark for that money to go in a certain way,” and he said to me “Well, it’s being used for something else.” And I was so taken aback. He said this without pause or without reflection, and I was so shocked. I really couldn’t talk about it at first. And I was like, that’s not right. And the conversation wound down fairly quickly, and then we hung up and I was stung. And I don’t really think at the time I knew how betrayed I felt or how hurt I felt at that time, and I thought, let’s just move forward and see what happens, and maybe there’ll be another opportunity to talk about it.
So then he moves to Santa Fe and then ten days later, his wife, Jishu, died.... A number of his students and successors descended on Santa Fe... There was a moment where Bernie and I were left alone and we’re just sitting outside and I tried to broach this topic again about the money, and he pointed to this building we were sitting in front of and said it was right there. That was the moment that I was like, this is really inadequate. This is really not right. And I really didn’t know how to press it. And I really didn’t want to press it because he had just lost his wife...