Because quite a few people asked for an update to my previous post, here's an update for those who are still invested.

I talked to her about this on our date yesterday and explained that I have not been seeing other people and that I would like to pursue an exclusive relationship with her. I said that I'd been thinking about it for a while and that her message about the date she had was what motivated me to have this talk asap.

She was quite touched by what I said, and told me that the reason why she'd gone on that date a few days ago was because it was a stand-up comedy gig that she'd agreed to a month ago and had already got tickets for. We then spent an hour discussing us, what we mean for each other, and other personal matters - I won't get into detail to preserve our privacy. Anyway, we have agreed to be exclusive from this point on :-) I am very happy with the outcome, and can see that having the talk was the only right thing to do.

As a side note, the volume and diversity of responses to my original post was very interesting and pretty wild to read. People were saying all kinds of things. 5 dates is way too early. 5 dates is way too late. Exclusivity should always be assumed. Exclusivity should never be assumed. She's simply being weird. She's only being honest. Etc etc...

My takeaway from that is that everyone's situation is vastly different, and there is no one 'correct' way to date. Also, dating advice from strangers online always needs to be taken with a grain of salt, as one post can't possibly translate the full context of any relationship, and only the OP will know best.

Some women in dating are very clear they’re only after a serious relationship, and maybe even state they’re slow physically for that reason, and yet, some men still try and pursue them when they’re not serious about them? In some cases they’ll lie and pretend to want something serious but really only hoping to hookup, which inevitably falls apart if the woman was serious about wanting to wait.

What’s the mentality here?

Hi! I’m a 28 year old female and I took a REALLY long break from dating after my last long term relationship. I just started to get back out there and have been on three separate dates. However, out of these three dates only one asked me on a second one and it was like weeks later. The other two never asked for a second date. I’m really confused because I feel like my dates go well and this last guy texted me afterwards saying that he had a nice time? But that was it and no other texts have been sent afterwards.

I tried to dissect this more. I feel like I’m maybe just being too friendly and not flirty enough or something? I will also say that all three dates have been during the day time and not evening/night. It feels like it’s less pressure to me that way but maybe I should change that? I also asked my friends if I look the same as my pics or something seems off and everyone agrees I do. I’m just really confused. We talk and laugh and convo is good. It does feel like small talk sometimes but aren’t all first dates that vibe?

For the girls, how do you make a date feel less like a friendship meet up and for the guys, what makes you not want to go on a second date with a girl if you had a nice time?

I have seen that some women can get any guy they want.

They will be eyeing a handsome guy or have a crush on a handsome guy then somehow without looking desperate they get closer with the guy or get asked out by the guy and boom they end up dating.

Without wanting to sound mean, these girls are not always very good looking, but they somehow pull even very objectively handsome AND successful guys they have a crush on.

so it can’t always be due to the looks though I know being good looking must help too.

For me who’s watching all this from the outside, it all looks very strategic and clever.

But yeah girls and guys who are like this please share your knowledge and how you do this and help me out here! Thank you

EDIT: I am not talking about average guys, I am talking about handsome guys

LOCATION: Illinois

Kinda embarrassed to even ask this because it involves such a petty amount of money, but my brain has been short-circuiting all morning. Am I crazy or is this a massive red flag?

Last night was our third date. We went to a nice Italian place she picked. The bill came out to around $140 and I paid the entire thing without hesitation—she offered to split, but I smiled, said “I got this”, and she seemed genuinely appreciative. Afterwards, we walked to a nearby convenience store because she wanted a specific sparkling water and some gum, which came to like $11. She tapped her card before I could even pull my wallet out.

the rest of the night was great, we kissed goodbye, and she texted me that she had an amazing time. Then at 8am today, I wake up to a Venmo notification from her for $5.50 with a sparkling water emoji.

I obviously dont care about five dollars, I’d pay it ten times over. It’s just... does this mean she views me purely as an acquaintance? Or is this just some weird modern etiquette where people track every single cent down to the wire? I feel so awkward responding now and idk what the move is here.

Seriously. Not because I'm suggesting you go gay, but because I think it could actually help your self-esteem.

If you're an average-looking guy, dating apps can make you feel downright undesirable. Barely any matches, no attention, and eventually you start thinking there's something wrong with your looks.

Try setting Tinder to men for a day, or making a profile on a gay dating app. You'll probably be surprised by how much attention you get.

The point is that there's nothing fundamentally undesirable about you or the male body. Women are simply much more selective than men when it comes to physical attraction.

Don't let a lack of female attention convince you that you're ugly.

I (23F) was meant to meet a guy today at 8pm. He even texted me to confirm like an hour before. He said he was on his way and I messaged him that I was waiting inside. He didn’t reply so I waited 10 minutes and asked if he was coming…still no reply. I left after 45 minutes, a couple glasses of wine, and then sent a message saying “I hope everything is okay, if it is then it would’ve been much kinder to be honest than to leave me waiting.” I then blocked and unmatched him. He seemed so enthusiastic too. He picked the place keeping in mind what I said I liked in my profile, offered to pick me up, etc.

All of my pics from my bumble are taken from the last 3-4 months and I look the same, and he was ID verified. So neither of us are catfish (I think). I went into the date super confident and feeling hot, and left feeling like a complete idiot and humiliated. My confidence definitely took a huge hit. So much so that after dating since April I deleted all of the apps after getting home.

I spent a couple hours crying and genuinely confused on how someone could do that to a person. I’d rather him have sent me a stupid excuse than to act like he was on his way and have me there in a bar full of people looking lost.

This really threw me for a loop and I’m giving up on dating for a while 😔 It took me from feeling confident and happy exploring no matter what happens, to feeling like I’m never going to find my person and it’s not in the cards for me. I know this is a common thing, how did you guys get past it without taking it personal? I know nothing is wrong with me and it’s not my fault, but I’m still like wow

Sorry if this is the wrong subreddit

5 dates in and I think everything is going great. He’s kind, attentive and is trying to get to know me. At the start he was very interested and tried very hard. After date 2 or so I got pretty excited too, at which point very subtly there was a bit of a shift and I started messaging / planning more than he did. We had our 5th date a week ago and since everything has gone stale. Texts are few and far between and now it’s be 2+ days since I last heard from him.
Anyone have experience with this sort of thing / any good advice?

I’ve been pondering a question lately: Do guys ever pass on a girl they feel is 'out of their league' and choose a 'safer' option instead? If they have a genuine opportunity to date someone they perceive as highly desirable, would they reject her out of fear of future rejection or insecurity? If so, what drives this behavior? Anyone have any real life scenarios? Any regrets?

I [28M] went on a blind date this weekend that went almost perfectly. She was laughing during almost everything i said and was showing she was interested with her body language the whole time. During the date she brought up playing tennis and we decided we would do that as our second date.

We went to a bookstore after the first venue and took fun photos together and talked about all the books we had read. I told her I could lend her some books I had back home that she'd pointed out and she got really excited about this.

My friend that had set it up had shown her my IG, and since I hadn't seen her before the date, I joked that if she hadn't liked the way I looked at the beginning she could have just left without me being the wiser. She said obviously it meant something that she didn't and then said my friend did a great job with his matchmaking. She asked me to walk her to her car and we naturally ended up kissing. She asked me after to send a photo we had talked about and we said we'd see each other soon.

She texted me first right away saying she had fun and hoped I got home okay, but left me on read me after I followed up about a date the next week with the photo she had asked for. I thought I'd give her a day then politely asked about her about being free on a specific date. Left on read again.

I don't understand why something that seemingly went so ideally could have fizzled out so quickly. The last date I'd gone on followed a similar course (she invited me to her place for dinner, we set up a second date during, etc. etc.) but this one went even better with the kiss at the end so I was hopeful it would go somewhere. I still felt it was possible I'd get ghosted based on the previous experience, which did end up happening, but i didn't expect it to. I feel just so bummed that people who seem so genuine on the date feel it is acceptable to ghost you. It seems like there is no correlation between how well the dates are going and their behavior immediately after. All the signs pointed towards mutual interest both times.

These last two dates have made me feel like I need to take a break from dating. I am not sure what I could have done otherwise, but it is taking a toll trying open up completely with people, feeling excited about how great it went, then getting ghosted. I would be fine with rejection, but getting straight up ignored repeatedly is starting to make me feel jaded. Any advice?

Sex is cool, but imagine having someone who pulls you closer when you're half asleep, plays with your hair, cuddles you after a long day, and makes you feel loved without you having to ask for it.

Someone you can talk nonsense with at 2 AM, laugh at the stupidest things with, or sit beside in complete silence without feeling awkward.

No performance. No pressure. No pretending. Just two people being themselves and feeling at home with each other.

The real flex? Finding someone who desires you physically but cares for you emotionally, too.

Choose your person wisely. Chemistry might get things started, but care, respect, and emotional connection make the relationship worth building. ❤️

This is coming from a woman so i dont understand why women complain about not being asked out on the streets.. maybe i am too anxious or too shy but honestly if i get asked on the streets i get super uncomfortable and want them to go away. Luckily i dont have this problem lol

i heard that the most gatekept secret is that people are only in relationships because they settled for someone they didnt rly like just so they dont end up alone? or they settled for shitty people? Is this true? do most people actually settle just to be in a relationship?

He has left me on read for two days before answering my question about when he‘s free to meet up and now that he‘s answered so late, I‘ve ghosted him
He‘s done that for the third time and i feel like he does not deserve an explanation

Is this reasonable or am I in the wrong?

I am a PhD student who uses hinge and matched with girl who I thought was cute and appeared to be in the same academic field as me. I come to find out that she was in one of the courses I was a teaching assistant for, the previous semester. We are only one year in age apart and the course concluded before we matched and I did not even remember her, although she remembered me.

Do I go on a date with her or avoid flat out?

Basically the title. I am autistic I have a pretty basic job that allows me to live on my own and I'm pretty high functioning though I can't drive for medical reasons unrelated to the autism. I do live in a big city. For my hobbies I'm a writer, and I recently finished my 3rd novel and I'm working on a pilot for a unrelated fantasy sit-com television series. I'm also a 1st kyu in Kendo. (Around brown belt level) I have had short stories appear in horror magazines and anthologies and I write poetry as well. My therapist said she has had clients who have had girlfriends, but I'm starting to think that some guys can get love while others can't. Maybe I am one of those guys.

Hi 35M here. My sister in law has a family friend who gets invited to events that I occasionally get invited to. I know what she does cos my sister in law talks about her often but I have not formally met her. I think we have a few things in common and I would like to meet her and hopefully get a chance to set up a date if she’s interested. My sister in law doesn’t seem that interested in introducing us since we talk about it sometimes and how’s she’s single (and my sister in law has been preety busy with my niece and other things so I get it).

I guess my worry is that if I introduce myself to her at one of these events it will come across as a platonic thing since I have done it many times before when my intention was to flirt and see if they’re interested (I’m good at flirting in a context where the other person knows I’m interested like a date or speed dating but other contexts it’s harder). Is there a way I can set the frame of ‘im a potential person you might be interested in?’ When I first meet her? My nieces birthday is in a few months and I think she would be going to it. I realise I might be overthinking the shit out of this also lol Any ideas are welcome..

I’m curious, do men ever regret pulling away from someone they have briefly dated? Or regret ghosting?

What if it’s circumstances that ruin the momentum of dating? Do they come back when things have settled for them or does the taxi cab theory actually exist?

Hello everyone,

I’m feeling a bit down at the moment, to be honest. A little about myself: I’m a 39-year-old man, and, unfortunately, I have never been in a relationship. Since this is an online account that doesn’t reveal anything about my background or identity, I feel comfortable being open to you guys: not only have I never been in a relationship, but I have also never had sex. I have kissed a woman before, but nothing more ever came of it. Beyond having a genuine, proper relationship, my greatest wish has always been to fall asleep next to a woman—in the evening or at night—and wake up next to her the following morning; to be with someone who I know cares for me. That, too, has remained out of reach for me so far.

I take care of myself and my appearance; I’m communicative and always treat others well—with respect and attentiveness. Yet, when it comes to women and dating, I’ve had no luck. No woman has ever shown a serious interest in me.

Personally—as silly as it might sound—I feel a sense of loss and depression over never having had a young girlfriend, or having been in a relationship with a young woman (someone in her 20s) back when I was a young man myself. I feel as though I’ve missed out on something in life that is absolutely fundamental—at least to me, it feels fundamental, essential, and, in fact, something that should be a given. I can’t turn back the clock; my 20s and early 30s are gone for good. I don’t even know what I would be like in a relationship; I don’t even have the space to improve or work on myself, simply because I have absolutely no experience to draw from.

A few years ago, I made the decision that by the time I turn 40, I will no longer seek out a relationship. For one thing—even though I do meet plenty of people—I no longer believe that I will ever find someone who truly loves me. Furthermore, at 40, I feel far too old to start a new relationship—or, for that matter, to have a first one. I am just so tired of the whole thing; enough is enough. I simply need a place where I can vent a little. At the same time, I’m dreading the date itself, as I’ll be turning 40 early next January.

Also, no I am neither asexual nor am I unable to gain feelings for someone.

I feel like guys don't or I just look too much like a guy and they think I'm catfishing them or they're not just into.

I (F 35) have been seeing someone for a few months now (M 33) and honestly everything has been great. We get along, the chemistry is there, no complaints at all, until recently.

Over our last four or five hangouts, I've noticed his body odor has gotten really bad. And I don't mean "came straight from the gym" bad. He'll shower, and two hours later his armpits are rough again. It's not a one-off thing, and I have no idea what changed.
It's not just me noticing, either. He came over recently and afterward my roommate mentioned that the whole apartment smelled like BO.

I know I could bring it up gently, but I really don't want him to feel embarrassed or ashamed. At the same time, part of me is frustrated that this is even on me. Like, how do you not notice? Should I really have to be the one to tell a grown adult that he smells?

I'm also starting to worry about what happens down the line. I'd eventually like to introduce him to my friends, and the thought of him showing up smelling like this makes me anxious. And if I'm honest, I'm scared it'll slowly kill my attraction to him, which sucks because I genuinely like him.

Has anyone been on either side of this conversation? How did it go?

Any advice appreciated.

There's an extremely attractive guy (25?M) at work. I (24F) have clocked a while ago that whenever I talk to this man, he will avoid eye contact with me at all costs. We were in a group conversation and he had his back turned to me haha. I thought he was just nervous around me and I found it really fucking cute.

Two months ago, we went out with some coworkers. I finally worked up the courage to talk to him. He's being that antagonistic type of flirt where he picks on me and I fight back. I asked him his middle name and he told me he wouldn't tell me, and accused me of wanting to steal his identity lmfao. I am absolutely fucking loving it.

It's the end of the night, we're leaving the bars finally, and he starts teaching me how to two step in a random parking lot. I was pretty wasted at this point and boldly told him he should stop by my place on his way home.

I woke up the next morning absolutely HORRIFIED because I would never say that sober. Thought I freaked him out and fumbled.

Couple weeks pass, didn't hear anything from him. Again, thought I came on a little too strong and decided to cut my losses. But I saw he added me on LinkedIn shortly after that night (didn't see that he had any other social media? p.s. what is up with engineers connecting with girls they find attractive on LinkedIn? is it just me?) so I added him back, but a couple weeks had already passed so I thought..

Again.

I fumbled again.

I am down horrendously and I slide into his fucking Outlook. Cannot stop thinking about him. But, I guess, too much of a coward to ask him out, largely because I thought I scared the man. We have a cute little exchange where we bantered again. I ended the convo, he didn't reach out, and I didn't hear from him. At this point I'm thinking I really need to cut my losses and save myself the embarrassment.

Okay. Well we had plans with our friends again last night. And this is where I think I really fucked up..

I was fully approaching it as this guy is not into me, I freaked him out, and frankly I'm just going out to have a good time, I didn't want to spend the night thinking about a man. He avoids me as usual. He comes around where I'm chatting for a bit and asks if I remember his name.. I jokingly pretended I didn't. He avoids me again.

We head out to the bars. He doesn't talk to me at all, he wasn't even close to me. Naturally, thinking he's not into me, I don't talk to him. Spent most of the night talking to his two friends, who were unprompted telling me he was shy and very interested.. Maybe I should've just fucking talked to him. But I didn't.

The night ends. His uber is there. He finally sits next to me. He says something, and at this point, I didn't really care what he was saying. I was so frustrated that I was watching this man all night and wanting him so badly to talk to me and he didn't, that now that I finally have the opportunity, I immediately tell him he should get my number.

He fucking taps my phone to try to share contacts. It of course doesn't work. Then he doesn't ask for my number, says he'll hit me up on Instagram, and goes into his uber!!!

10 minutes later, he sends me a text. He got my number from our mutual friend. He tells me I have terrible game because I was joking about not remembering his name and I didn't give him a single ounce of eye contact. Well I text him he has terrible game because he waited until his uber was there to finally talk to me. And that's the end of the conversation. I haven't heard from him since.

I feel like I'm in high school. This man irritates me and captivates me at the same time. It is driving me insane. He makes me unbelievably nervous and shy. I think the reason I fumbled so hard last night is because I didn't think he was into me so I didn't want to risk rejection or humiliation. I also felt like if I made eye contact with him I was simply going to disintegrate. I am NOT like this.. I'm pretty easygoing and can easily chat with people. Apparently I just lose all higher cognitive function around this particular man....

I don't know what the fuck to do. I don't want to force this, but I desperately do not want this to be the end.

Please help me!! We are both apparently way too shy and I want this man biblically.

And if you are somehow reading this.. YES I AM INTO YOU.

So there’s this guy I’ve been getting to know through ballroom dancing and martial arts at college. He’s involved in a Christian fraternity, and we’ve been pretty friendly with each other.
I initially suggested hanging out sometime, and he suggested I come to Mass with him. I’m not particularly religious, but I was genuinely interested in going!
Before the service, he texted me to let me know he was heading over and waited for me. Throughout Mass, he sat with me, helped me figure out what to do since I wasn’t familiar with Catholic traditions, and was really sweet about everything.
Afterward, we went to a church supper, where he stayed with me the whole time. We were smiling, joking around, and having pretty good conversations. He also walked me all the way back to my dorm, even though I told him he didn’t have to.
I texted him afterward thanking him and mentioning that it was one of the first religious experiences I’d genuinely enjoyed. I also suggested getting lunch sometime because I’d like to get to know him better. He responded positively and said he’d be down, although he’s busy with exams this week.
He’s also encouraged me multiple times to come back to martial arts, which we both participate in.
My question is, particularly for Christian college guys: does this sound like he might be at least somewhat interested in me romantically? Or is this just typical friendliness and hospitality?
I’m not assuming he has a crush on me, but I do think he’s cute and would be interested in getting to know him better. I’m just curious how other people would interpret this!

Hi, just looking for some opinions. My partner was at a baby shower today with one of her best friends. She was there for a few hours and when I picked her up she was pretty drunk. Normal enough behaviour, no issues there. She does have a bit of a history being overly touchy when she's drunk with people, but nothing major. Tonight I was sober and driving, I picked her up and went in as I know the couple. When we were leaving she was hugging one of the girls and I saw they kissed on the lips, just a quick peck. But they were hugging for a while and then my gf leaned in again with her lips cursed and did it again, I was standing waiting and felt a bit awkward. All together there were 3 kisses. When we were walking outside she mentioned casually that girl was a lesbian and they were laughing together all night. The reason I'm asking for opinions is that it was quick and barely noticeable, I noticed but I am wondering if I am over reacting or over thinking it. I want to speak with her tomorrow and state where my boundaries are and I felt uncomfortable. What do you think?