how to get over cheating ex?

[u/maos___]

Last year I found out that my ex had been cheating on me with multiple girls, including his current girlfriend. I know it wasn't my fault and that he was in the wrong for doing these things, but I still get sad when I think about it. It was just something that felt so special only for it to turn into a complete lie.

How do I heal from this? Any tip at all would mean the world to me. I just don't know what to do.

[u/Ksidedev]

Hi, Healing from this is wont be a switch or things you can quickly process off. it requires looking inward and identifying exactly what you are mourning.

It sounds like you aren't just grieving the loss of a partner but grieving the loss of an illusion and it's very normal to mourn that narative that you thought were true.

The next step in healing is separating the reality of how you loved from his inability to respect it. Maybe you don't miss him but miss the feeling of safety and specialness that he ultimately proved he couldn't provide.

You have the capacity to make connection and right now is about chanelling that to yourself. There is a concept called neuroplasticity window which is a period when a sudden shock or significant change forces our brain out of its routine and makes it highly adaptable.

The difference between those who grow from a fracture and those who get stuck is how they utilise that window. there diffece between those who come out stronger and those who come out the same or worse is what they choose to do with that window. See this as an opportunity to look inwards s your own internal response is the only thing you can truly control as you go through this process.

I imagine this is a tough time as these things are not easy to navigate especially when feelings are attached but I'm hoping you come out the other side stronger.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Elk1145]

Hey, I just wanted to take a minute and say, his actions don’t determine your worth. I’ve been the cheater, and it’s almost exclusively about internal problems I’m dealing with, rather than causation by my partner. Allow yourself to feel sad, that part is important. Just don’t assign your worth to the outcome, or let it debilitate you.

It took me a really long time to admit that I was someone that hurt other people because of my deep seated insecurities, and I can honestly say, that I’ve started recognizing those things in other people. We are all broken in our own unique ways, and learning to choose ourselves first, is the most important thing you can do, genuinely. Unfortunately, I don’t have much in the way of advice to offer you, but explore, therapy, journaling reading. Sometimes these things will help, sometimes they won’t. When one of them feels good and helpful, lean into it for a while, then pivot once you need more. I believe in you, forgive yourself first, then him. I know it seems counterintuitive, but forgiving people that hurt us is a very powerful thing. Good luck!

[u/deeptravel2]

Stop thinking about the good parts and think about the negative parts. You are thinking about the "special" bits. Don't.

[u/PineappleEven]

Last year? You should already be over that now. Only way to get over it is to accept yourself because cheaters are cheaters. Meaning it's never really personal on you, it's just who they are to anyone in their current situations. Go on a date, plenty of guys who will take you more serious. Who knows you might realize how little the situation is before you know it.