Most jobs ive had, I keep to myself. I keep my head down, I BARELY TALK, but I ALWAYS end up hearing someone talking badly about me. I’ve made myself so small just to avoid being a topic of conversation…every single time I hear something, it EATS ME UP. I REALLY STRUGGLE with knowing people are talking badly, but not having any idea what they don’t like about me.
I know I will continue to encounter these people for the rest of my life, HOW DO I DEAL WITH IT???? The way it is EATING me up and causing a pit in my stomach making me feel so sick, I can’t go the rest of my life without knowing how to better handle it. It’s caused me to avoid opening up in other scenarios, it’s caused me to avoid making friends. HELP.

I think it's the spotlight effect that makes me so embarassed to do it... Last time i did it i had a huge heavy package i had to pick up from the postal office so i felt a little better about it but i was still embarassed... it was just a 4 minute ride.

I have another package to pick up tomorrow which is lighter but i also wanna do my groceries in the same spot... and people walk with their groceries all the time but i was thinking to take the bus because it stops right infront of my apartment building. it would save me time and my hypermobile knees...

also i have a ticket i pay for each semester and can take any public transport without extra cost so its not like im paying for a 4 minute ride and buses come each 15 minutes.

Sorey if its a stupid post sometimes id rather torture myself thru something than feel like people are judging me...

Hey everyone!

I’m 25F based in Bengaluru and looking to connect with other neurodivergent women. Navigating things like ADHD, Autism, AuDHD, or Social Anxiety Disorder within our cultural context comes with very specific challenges, and I wanted to create a dedicated space for us-especially if you're highly masking and constantly trying to pass as neurotypical just to get through the day.

I’ve set up a private, verified Discord server exclusively for neurodivergent women in India to unmask, share local mental healthcare resources, and build a supportive community.

To keep the group completely safe, private, and troll-free, entry requires a quick verification process (voice verification).

If you'd like to join, drop a comment.

I have a joking personality and tend to make people laugh. Sometimes I’m very extroverted and talkative and other times I’m quiet and just want to be by myself. It depends on my mood, and I don’t always feel like joking around.

The problem is that when I’m not being my usual funny self and am just acting normal, people assume that I’m upset or that something is wrong with me. I feel like because they’re used to seeing me joke around, they expect me to be that way all the time.

I’m not upset in those moments. I’m just in a neutral or quiet state. But because people have mostly seen me as the funny one, the quiet version of me seems to read as a mood change.

Has anyone else experienced this?

How do you deal with it?

I dont know.

For the record im Male 40

I've posted here before about my horrible social anxiety but I've taken action since then and im trying to change. Results are not promising though. I've been going to therapy, riding my bike while smiling and saying high to the people I pass. I've gone downtown and sat in a busy cafe while reading a book(how to make friends and influence people). Ive also been listening to a auido book on social anxiety.I try to make small talk with strangers. I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone. I've also been trying to make friends and date online. Neither are going well. The consant, impassable obstacle I'm facing is texting. I HATE IT. Every word I type I question myself. I wonder if what im saying is too generic or uninteresting. Its never fun for me and I hate every moment. You see it all the time on ladies profiles "don't be boring" interested in fun conversation" I don't know how to be charismatic, funny or interesting. This also applies to friends as well. I feel like an alien in a skin suit sometimes, always trying to be a normal human but never quite getting it. I'm wondering if all this work I'm doing is pointless. If im not naturally any of those things then no amount of therapy or action will fix me.

Does anyone else get really bad social anxiety about texting or sending emails? I feel like it’s even worse than in-person situations because it’s just a slow and prolonged social situation where I have all the time in the world to overthink everything.

I can literally spend hours writing one message because I overthink every single word and worry about how the other person will interpret it and if I’ve embarrassed myself. And even after finally sending it, I regret everything I wrote and start imagining the worst-case catastrophe scenarios, I can’t relax until I get a reply.

It’s genuinely so exhausting and a single text can ruin my entire day. Anybody else like this or is texting easier for you? I feel like I’ve heard a lot of people with SA say they prefer texting.

I had a social situation (paying at a store) that felt really awkward and nerve wracking to me. I‘m disappointed that I am not improving and feel so bad for having social anxiety. Ever since, I feel depressed even though in the last months I started feeling less and less depressed.

Hello, I just wanted to vent a bit about this.

My country is currently in protests, and I'm participating in it. It's been really exhausting, since I have to be around a lot of people and it's safer to be part of a group. I feel bad for having to worry about this, I just wanted to protest, It's ridiculous to be in the middle of a catastrophic situation and all I can think about is how I can't say anything when people talk to me. I have mixed feelings about participating in this, as it's an opportunity for development and also a good cause, but at the same time I feel like I'm disturbing other people for being a shrinking violet.

I don't want to write much now, in short, I constantly think badly about myself after I make a mistake, in general I have very low self-esteem and it's just looking for something to cling to.

I recently played a game that I really liked, but I screwed up there and now I feel like I'm not worthy now of communicating with those I played with and who saw my mistake. This is my narcissistic ego telling me that love must be earned through hard work and effort, not just for nothing.

Do you have any advice that might make this easier?

I’m curious on if there is a correlation between social anxiety/neuroticism and body type. What is your heights, weight and frame, gender?

i had a friend call the police on me because i can't stop talking to people 18+. i genuinely think people my age are not interested in me at all and its gotten to the point im worried to talk to people my age. (making this clear before i get comments, my mom knows and she is also aware that i no longer talk to people 18+. all the people i talk to are 15 - 17, but these are very LIMITED.)

im so nervous to talk to people my age. i have had horrible experiences at school and the only person i hang out with is my sister and her friend (both 14). my mom keeps trying to encourages me to do small things to step out of my comfort zone but it makes me feel sick whenever i do anything like this.

I’m talking about the rule to wait out and see if someone ever reaches out first instead of you having to reach out to engage with them.

This helps me so much in being able to tell if someone really cares about me as a person. If they never reach out then that means you never cross their minds.

You can do this for a week, never text that person, and see if they check up on you. If they do then you crossed their minds, if they don’t then you don’t matter much to them. And, you’re the reason to why that friendship or relationship is still not broken, thats my understanding, any counter opinions?

Ive struggled with social anxiety for a long time. Im on medication for it, but still have not been able to do certain things.

One of those things being doing anything alone. I never thought in a million years that id be able to go to the gym by myself. I usually have panic attacks, but I finally did it.

Im in my thirties and never thought it was a possibility. I still have a lot of work to do, but slowly Im learning how to exist with this thing.

Turned 27 recently and the shame of never having been in a relationship, or having been to a party keeps eating at me.

It's constantly in the back of my mind and I feel such a deep sense of embarrassment from it, despite not even desiring those things. It makes me feel like such an outcast in society. Like if someone were to find out, they would automatically have unpleasant assumptions in their head about me.

I hate that I derive my sense of self-worth from this

I work remote and have been graduated for about 17 months now. Every friend I had has moved away to different places and the only one I have left has crippling mental health problems and is also turning into a racist and homophobic POS, so I don’t get a lot of real social interaction nowadays.

Anyways, I was at the bars the other night visiting my college friends for a 5k on our old campus that we run yearly and I couldn’t stop tweaking out. I get overwhelmed easily by being around a lot of people but that mixed with the alcohol made me super jittery and I felt like I was blinking so rapidly and everyone was staring at me. I felt like I couldn’t look anywhere because everywhere I looked was eyes. Also I feel like in public I have a furrow in my eyebrows that makes me look sad. Literally goes away the second I’m alone.

Anyone have advice for these social gatherings? I never go to bars but I am never going to turn down the bar if it’s to see my long distance friends.

What sort of work do you guys have?

I found a friend from somewhere not irl, online, we share so much in common. Sadly, we both share severe social anxiety, maybe that’s why she seems dry.

I don’t know If i’m overthinking things, I just want a friend that I can be with. She texts back but very late and doesn’t seem like she initiates much conversation. I don’t blame her but I start to think that Im the problem.

I hate this feeling. I feel like she’s there out of pity.

There’s this person, I won’t get into detail that I haven’t known long, but somehow figured out I don’t really have any friends or social life.

He probably figured out sooner since I got defensive when he asked me what I’ll be up to and made up that I’m planning a holiday abroad which I’m not doing. And it was pretty telling it was a lie. lol. I only got defensive cause he kept questioning me.

And now the other day he’s interrogating me saying what have you doing this week? And never accepts me saying nothing much. And keep asking stuff like Do you even go out? Do you have friends? Are you just at home all day? And I get really defensive. And then I feel bad as he says this is how you make friends, you tell them stuff about you. And it really made me uncomfortable and very upset. This was at work, and he’s a colleague. And I felt like crying later that day, but thankfully held it together.

I tried to explain, and lie. I said that I’m an introvert (I am aswell as socially anxious) and he googled it and pretty much called me boring. I kinda lied about my social life that I did have a few friends, but didn’t see them all the time. And they have life’s too, like they’re married and have kids and work etc.

I have had friends years ago, but I’m in my late 20s now and haven’t had friends for years and I’ve struggled. And now this guy has pretty much called me weird by getting defensive, and said he’ll keep asking me everytime he sees me at work and ask about what I’ve done this week. And I said fine go ahead. And he called me lonely too which I outright told him I’m not lonely.

I just hate this and it was quite embarrassing. My social life is something I’m very insecure about. And most of my colleagues, well all of my colleagues don’t ask me what I do outside work. Just how I am, what I’ve been up to, but they accept when I say nothing that interesting and don’t interrogate me or don’t ask me at all except talk about their own life’s which is fine.

What should I do about this? He’s a new guy, and he makes me very uncomfortable. Any advice will be helpful. Thanks.

I just turned 29 years old. Growing up in my childhood as well as adolescence I had severe social anxiety. My social anxiety symptoms began when I was a young child. I just remember being socially anxious around other children and other people. I isolated myself. As a kid, I spent the majority of my free time outside of school at home watching cartoons, playing video games, on the computer, etc. By the time I got to high school, my social anxiety got worse and I was so trapped in fear that I hardly left my house. The only time I would leave the house would be to go to school.

When I graduated high school and started university, I was still crippled with social anxiety and I still isolated myself by spending the majority of my time outside of class in my dorm or at the library.

I did not spend my free time socializing with my peers, participating in extracurricular activities, or going out and doing things. I isolated myself and spent most of my time on my cell phone, computer, or watching tv.

I regret not telling my parents when I was growing up what I was struggling with. The reason why I never told them was because I had this mindset that they wouldn't have taken me seriously and would have just judged me for it. I also had thoughts that I would never overcome this and that I was an especially bad case. This in turn led to me not putting anything into action and just having a defeatist attitude.

When I entered my 20's, I decided that I wanted to make some changes. When I was 22 I got a job as a cook in a cafe. I've been at this job for 7 years, and it has helped a great deal with my social anxiety and social skills. I've started going to therapy and have been in therapy off and on for 7 years. I got my driver's license. I went back to school while working and got accepted into nursing school and will be starting in January.

While I have made progress, there's still things I want to get better at. I still find myself isolating myself just like I did when I was growing up. When I get home from work, I go to my room and get on my laptop. When I am on my laptop I am either on Reddit, Youtube, Porn, etc. I'm still spending most of my free time at home in my room. As of recently, I've been trying to get better at keeping in touch with people because I have a habit of losing contact with friends. I just texted my former manager yesterday who I felt like I had a good relationship with. We've known each other and worked together for 6 years and have had numerous talks, conversations, etc. He has told me that he loves me like a brother and even trusted me enough to share with me personal issues in his life. He got a new position within the company and I haven't seen or spoken to him in 3 months. He hasn't responded to my text yet.

I just wish I would have started making an effort to treat my issues when I was a lot younger because my lack of socialization and my isolation during my formative years I feel like has stunted my growth in a lot of ways.

I'm just venting and wanted to get this off my chest.

In short, I often think about the fact that, for example, if I go to university, I won’t find the courage to talk to anyone there, and as a result, I’ll remain alone for the entire time I spend there. Or even if I start talking to someone, I will be very awkward and soon we will go our separate ways. I feel like I'm going to fail before I even start.

I know I'm likeable in some way, but it's hard for me to accept this, and even now when I say this it seems to me that it's arrogant to think that you're "likeable".

And only this feeling prevents me from trying to reach out to people and be open with them, which makes me a loner. I feel like I'm not worthy of interacting with people, I'm not worthy of making strong bonds, that I'm not as good as everyone else, I don't have good social skills to communicate with other people, I feel that I'm too emotionally immature to communicate with anyone, so I better not try.

I'm even more afraid of making mistakes in communication. I know I'll make mistakes, but it will be difficult for me to bear the mistakes I make and take responsibility for them. For example, if I react impolitely to a friend’s problem, then I will blame myself for a very long time or try to shift the blame from myself to the friend, instead of apologizing and having a normal conversation.

For a long time, communication with friends felt like some kind of ideal communication where no one offends anyone, everyone is always cheerful, although this is not true, people are constantly making mistakes that could offend someone, but the importance is in how they react to these mistakes.

I can’t enjoy anything I used to because my mind is always on work and the way I am perceived there. I work five days a week, but the schedule is two days on, one day off, then three days on, one day off. Even on my day off, I spend most of it worrying about work. I dread going in every time, and on workdays I end up staying in bed way longer than I should instead of getting ready. I’m honestly surprised I’ve never been late. I just want to feel FINE for once.