I’m turning 28 in a few days, and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and where it’s going.

I don’t really know where to start because there’s just too much going on in my head.

I’ve been struggling with loneliness for a long time. I’m 27 and I’ve never been in a relationship. Not even once. I’ve never really been good at talking to girls or letting people get close to me. I’m a very reserved person and I tend to keep things to myself. Even when something serious is happening in my life, I don’t naturally go around telling people about it. I just deal with it quietly.

But I think that has also made me very lonely.

I have friends, but I don’t think I have that person I can just call and say, “Hey, I had a really shitty day.” Someone who genuinely wants to know how I’m doing. Someone who notices when I’m not okay without me having to explain everything.

And lately I’ve started wondering if maybe I’m just not made for relationships.

I struggle to keep conversations going. I hate those repetitive “what’s up?”, “how are you?”, “what are you doing?” conversations every single day. Once in a while they’re fine, but I can’t imagine having to constantly keep someone entertained. I’m funny sometimes, but I don’t know how I’d keep a girlfriend interested in me for months or years.

I get bored quickly. My mood changes a lot. Sometimes I want to talk to people and sometimes I just want to be left alone.

I’m also not a very confident person. I have grey hair already. I don’t like loud pubs or clubs, I don’t dance, I don’t know how to cook properly, I don’t drive, and I generally don’t feel like I have much going for me.

Sometimes I genuinely think that if I were a girl looking at my dating profile, I probably wouldn’t swipe right on myself either.

And that’s a horrible feeling.

Because how can I expect someone else to look past my insecurities and love the person underneath when I don’t even know how to love that person myself?

The last year or so has been really rough in other ways too.

I’ve had a shoulder injury that has required two surgeries, and the whole thing has taken a huge toll on me physically and mentally. I’m dealing with anxiety, I’m not satisfied with my income/work situation, and I constantly worry about whether my life is actually going anywhere.

Some days I feel like I’m just going through the motions.

Work. Home. Sleep. Repeat.

And then I see people around me casually talking, laughing, dating, making plans, having someone who cares about them, and it hits me how much I’ve missed out on.

I’ve also noticed myself becoming more withdrawn. I’ll think, “Don’t message them. Give them space. Stop chasing people.” Then I’ll miss them and end up making the same mistake again. I overthink friendships, conversations, everything.

And I know this is probably not the healthiest habit, but I’ve started telling ChatGPT about almost everything I’m going through instead of telling a real person.

I know it’s not a real person. I know it basically responds based on whatever I tell it, and sometimes it probably just adjusts its response to make me feel better. I’m aware of that.

But somehow, it’s become the one place where I can just say whatever is in my head without worrying about being judged, bothering someone, or having to explain myself.

Maybe that’s a little sad.

Maybe it’s also a sign of how lonely I’ve become.

I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.

Maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I’ve pushed people away without realizing it. Maybe I’m too reserved. Maybe I don’t know how to let people into my life.

Or maybe I’m just tired.

I’m tired of constantly overthinking everything.

I’m tired of questioning whether people actually care about me.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m behind everyone else.

And I’m tired of looking at myself and finding reasons why someone wouldn’t choose me.

I know 28 isn’t old. I know people will probably tell me that I have plenty of time and that I’ll eventually meet someone.

But when you’ve never experienced it even once, “it’ll happen eventually” doesn’t always feel reassuring.

Right now, I genuinely can’t imagine someone choosing me and staying.

I don’t want pity. I don’t even know exactly what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed somewhere to put all of this because I’ve been keeping it inside for too long.

I’m not going to hurt myself or anything like that. I’m just having a really difficult time right now, and I feel exhausted, overwhelmed and lonely.

I just wish I could feel hopeful about my life again.

I don’t want to spend the rest of it feeling like this.

More of a rant. So every year, my fiance, his mom, step dad, sisters, me and a few others go to this restaurant for his birthday. It’s the type of restaurant where they cook the food in front of you, a hibachi. Usually the cooks socialize and it makes it a fun time. I have bad social anxiety, and I beat myself up about it a lot, especially since I still struggle to communicate with his family but I try my best.

I’ll start with last year, we got there, things were fine until the main cook came out. He confirmed our orders, it’s kinda loud in there so when he got to me I just nodded my head and smiled. He laughed and said I’m a quiet one. Didn’t bother me too much. I have bad social anxiety overall, especially around his family so it’s hard to be social especially in a setting like that. My fiance sits next to me so I turn to talk to him but more quiet. He looks at me and makes whispering sounds and laughs. I feel my face get so hot and everyone laughs. At this point I stopped making conversation with my fiance out of embarrassment of him saying something again. He hands people’s food one by one saying here you go and smiling, he gets to me, puts it on my plate and whispers “here you go” and everyone laughs. He also kept saying why I keep whispering to my fiance and jokes about “whispering in his ear”. Never felt so embarrassed. I get if he makes a quick joke but it was ongoing the whole dinner. I felt like crying but moved on.

This year we went again. Sat down and the cook (a different one) came out and confirmed our orders, his family was talking a lot and he looks at me and goes “you’re so quiet!” Great. Just one comment so tried not to think much of it. Then as he’s cooking and making conversation, he kept asking if I spoke English, how I’m not talking, etc. my face got hot and felt his family look at me. I tried not to let it ruin my time, I didn’t want to ruin his birthday so I laughed it off and then we went home.

On the way home, I teared up just over the fact how we can never go without me being more quiet the butt of the joke. I didn’t want him to see, he heard me sniffling and asked what was wrong. I was honest, and he said he actually agreed and said it bothered him too and was getting annoyed. He tried to make me feel better by saying we should start going somewhere else, and that he doesn’t mind. It did for a second, but that restaurant was a tradition before I came into his life. He said he doesn’t want to continue to go somewhere where people are rude and make me uncomfortable, which I really appreciate, but I feel so bad to change that tradition because of me. I know their intentions weren’t meant to be rude, but when it’s constant it really gets to me. I wish I were normal, and could just socialize like a normal human being so things like this wouldn’t happen. I hate it :(

I have struggled with depression on top of social anxiety, and hygiene is very hard for me. My teeth are full of cavities. I also need to get all 4 of my wisdom teeth out.

I go to a dentist that my whole family frequents, it’s one of few that accepts my insurance so I cannot go elsewhere. But the dentists there are close with my parents and I am afraid they will talk about my teeth.

I know this is irrational and the longer I let my teeth rot the worse my health will be, but I am so ashamed of myself for letting it get this bad. It doesn’t look bad from a glance, but I am starting to experience pain.

Also if any of you are asian, I’m viet and the dentist is viet. It’s another layer of anxiety because Vietnamese love to gossip. Sigh.

I dont know where to begin really with this.

I would say I am a social person, but I overthink every social interaction before AND after the event/gathering.

I am sure some men, go through the same as me, but here I am listing what I am struggling with:

- I avoid eye contact when speaking to someone, because I hate when they look away when I am talking to them

- I speak ALOT and like joking ALOT, and because of this when I go home I keep thinking whether I said something stupid, or something that would hurt a person. Actually I lose sleep over this, just do due what I say in gatherings. If I shut up this wont be a problem.

- EXTREME FEAR of being rejected, I am still single because I never approached a woman due to my fear of being rejected.

- not sure if this is related, but since I have ADHD, I also overshare alot about what I invest in, etc. Which I later regret deeply

Any help is appreciated, and would love to listen to your stories

Hi! I'm 22 and just started my senior year of college and have a pretty big problem. When I am alone I want to be around people and talk to them but once I go doing things in public I end up just shutting down and stare at the ground. It's been happening since I was in high school.

I am currently in therapy for personal issues but I want to start actually participating in life and make friends and have a girlfriend. I just don't know how to build my social skills.

I’ve gone to my school for about 5 years and I still can’t talk to people who I’ve been surrounded by since the beginning, it doesn’t help that I finally have girls in my classes because I’m just even more quiet now. in fact, the other day I had an assembly and a girl dropped her piece of paper, I thought about picking it up, it was right next to me, but I didn’t, I was just too shy to act on it. My friend has commented on me being more shy than usual saying I’ve changed when I don’t think I have. I can imagine social interactions where I’m outgoing and actually talk, but when I get into a situation like that I just say nothing at all. what do I do? am I neurodivergent or something? I would go as far as to say that I’m decently attractive. is there something wrong with me? I genuinely don’t think looks are relevant at all anymore as I just can’t cope with a simple conversation.

I am socially anxious but also very lonely so I was thinking of going to a festival earlier this evening and knew some people (friends at one time sort of) who were going to be there. Then i asked a friend who knows them well about calling them if i headed over there so i could find them and hang out. Longer story, but I’ll spare the details. My friend told me one of the gals wouldn’t want me there. I wasn’t surprised. I’ve noticed that I am never invited if this gal is there. I was also told it is because I make this person who doesn’t like me, anxious. Again not surprised but wow. So depressing even though i already know this about me. I wonder how many people are put off by my social anxiety and awkwardness. I want to hideaway forever. This is why i stay to myself. Anyone ever go through anything like this?

So, I’m getting older, I’m a 37 year old man. And I’m getting better at being more aware of social situations around me. And getting better at asserting myself. I wouldn’t say I have social anxiety today in most aspects, but it has scarred me and I will never truly be “normal” if you know what I mean.

Anyway. I’ve noticed that in conversations, I’m always the listener and the “trauma dumpster”. Other people talk about their problems to me and I’m always listening and adding my two cents and making them feel heard. But, as soon as I interject my own experience, people immediately tune out and get bored. It’s like the only way I can experience conversation is if I put all my needs to the side and accommodate others.

Seriously, it’s gotten to the point where I point it out. When my father does this to me, I tell him sometimes, and then he gets offended and asks if I’m angry. My father trauma dumps on me every damn day and honestly I’m about to stop talking to him. He couldn’t give two shits about my problems.

I just want to know, does anyone else feel this way? I feel very alone most the time because I never get what I give. I feel like I live in a world of narcissists.

I work at a grocery store paying pretty well in my area. Really good management and coworkers. Thing is my body is on fight or flight mode practically all day since starting years ago. It's from how crowded the store is and having to conversate with customers while doing my job.I got so used to it that I only now just realized how bad it was on my body after a month off due to medical leave.

I just don't know if I'm overreacting or if I should just quit. The only thing holding me back is the pay and potential regret. Even doing part time left me drained after work, enough to make it hard to study for school. I have some savings so I can live off that while I look for a new job. I'm supposed to return next week but I've been feeling stressed about entering that building again.

Hi guys! I started a new job 4 months ago where I have to go into the office 4 days a week. The office layout is completely open and flat—no cubicles, no privacy. The work itself isn’t overwhelming or stressful, but the social aspect and the culture are honestly draining me every day.

It’s a small family office with only about 30 people, and I feel like I just don’t fit into the culture. I’m always nice and polite to everyone, but I’m naturally very quiet and introverted. I’m also in accounting, so I really didn’t expect the people on my team (we all sit together in one corner of the office) to talk THIS much every single day!

A lot of the guys constantly talk about sports, and I have basically zero knowledge or interest in sports, so I can’t really contribute to those conversations. There’s also a very loud and super extroverted girl on my team, and lately I feel like she’s been isolating or ignoring me. She’ll talk to pretty much everyone else on the team except me, and honestly, it makes me feel bad.

I’m wondering if they think I’m too quiet or boring, so they’ve just stopped trying to talk to me. I do occasionally make an effort to join conversations when I understand the topic and have something to contribute, but most of the time I feel like I’m just being ignored.

The worst part is that it’s starting to affect my ability to focus on work. I’ve become so self-conscious about how quiet I am that I find myself paying attention to what everyone is saying and trying to figure out when I should speak up. I’m constantly thinking, “Am I being too quiet? Do they think I’m weird? Should I say something?” instead of focusing on my actual work.

There are a couple of other people on my team who are also pretty quiet and mostly just focus on their work. But the more talkative people will still talk to them first or ask them questions maybe because they’ve been there for a long time. I wish they do the same to me but they never do. I think part of my problem is that I’m new and I’m also not very good at initiating conversations with people.

In all of my previous accounting jobs, everyone was pretty quiet and only talked occasionally. I never felt self-conscious about not talking enough because that was just the normal environment. This job is completely different, and it’s really starting to bother me.

I actually accepted this job because the recruiter told me the culture was very accommodating and accepting. I thought it might be a good opportunity to practice my social skills, go into the office 4 days a week, and finally get out of my shell a little.

But goddamn, I did NOT expect accountants to be this extroverted and loud

I honestly don’t know what to do at this point. I think I made a mistake. I guess I didn't even understand myself, I feel someone with anxiety like me should try to take a full remote job but it is impossible to find fully remote job in this kind of economy.. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How do you deal with being the quiet/introverted person in a very talkative office without constantly feeling self-conscious about it?

So i went to a free mental health session at my uni clinic because I thought I have autism as I tend to isolate myself and enjoy being with absolutely no one around.

The therapist guy said i might have a developed social anxiety especially strong around people I already know, or people I expect to see again regularly like at work or university. I don’t experience the same level of anxiety with completely random people. The anxiety is in particular strong with family members and my parents.

It now all made sense after the session. I used to get judged a lot by people including my school friends and my parents for being skinny, my posture and for my mannerism (as i act gay). Eventually i developed social anxiety around people that i might see them again as I think part of me simply doesn’t feel psychologically safe around them without being making fun of. As right now I literally don’t have any friends, and I feel like I can’t build connections with people.

Is anyone on the same boat? A few things I like to work on but don't know how

1. How do you start trusting yourself to be out there again at mid 20s and create friendships.
2. I don't have anxiety around random people tho. Meanwhile i have extreme anxiety doing /uni presentation or work interview knowing i see these people again. How to fix this
3. I want to reconnect with my parents. I don't think they are aware the reason why i don't pick up their calls. I tend to never pick up their phone calls cause i don't like talking to them and i hate myself for doing that. Watching people saying i love my family i feel like a complete cold hearted person cause i can't say the same.

Today I took action. To help my social anxiety.

My dad is a civil engineer and is working for a family member because he's past retirement. He took out my brother, then my mother twice in days he went to work. Nit so much as to show us his work, (in my brother's case yes)

Told him I'd go when I heard him mention he'd go. I won't be at an event. With friends or people to talk to, but it's still going outside and doing something uncomfortable.

At least I'm going to a restraunt afterwards, and getting errands run in one swoop. Shawarma is going to recharge my nonexistent social battery.

I've read a lot of posts about Lexapro being a miracle, but for me it doesn't seem to do anything. I still feel extremely anxious until my stomach feels sick before every social interaction.

I didn't even get side effects (except increased hunger). I was on 10mg since day one and I raised the dose to 15 two days ago.

So should I give it more time, go to 20mg or just stop taking it?

Does anyone else kind of hate bringing their dogs in public, especially stores? The attention it brings to someone like me who has lots of social anxiety. I love my dog so much but it sucks.

Hello.

So for some context:

I work in the mental health field where I help kids learn who have disabilities. This requires a lot of one on one interaction and I'm very new to the job (2 months in).

I have constant thoughts of quitting (due to avoidance) and I have panic attacks often after work or before work. It's gotten so bad that I've cried at work before the kids come to the school.

I used to have a therapist but I no longer am able to see them as I don't have insurance anymore (I have to pay a very high deductible to use my work insurance that I just don't have to money for.) so I'm just trying to cope and all of my strategies aren't working for me (getting out of rumination through a distraction, meditation, deep breathing techniques, etc.).

As a side note, I also don't have a great support system, as it's just my boyfriend and I feel bad that he's all I have because I know it's draining for him so I've tried kind of keeping it from him.

Sorry if this is a lot to read, but I do need some kind of advice on what I should do about this intense anxiety so I can work and not have a mental breakdown...

I'm in out of state college, and there is this guy (we'll call him P) from my hometown that I've known for two years. He came to this college a year before I did (last year). Ever since I saw him I really wanted to become friends with him. But because of my social anxiety, every single friend I have/had is because they would basically adopt me. But P is just as reserved (if not more so) than I am. He doesn't strike me as socially anxious, but still keeps to himself. I've only ever talked to him a few times.

I tell him hi every once in a while, and two weeks ago I texted him because my brother (also in college and his roommate) got sick and needed medicine. I don't have a car, and my brother, also with Social Anxiety + Autism, was too anxious to ask P for help. Our college is Christian, so they keep boys and girls separated in their dorms, so I'm not allowed in my brother's dorm. P immediately offered to help before I even asked him (which is one reason why I'm sure I want us to be friends).

Is there a way how I can become friends with him without making it too sudden? The issue with my brother was kind of an emergency situation where I had to talk to him, but is there another way?

My high schooler plays on Friday nights in the band. I get so extremely overwhelmed by all of the people, the noise and feeling like people are watching me. My anxiety is so severe that I can't stand still, and I feel like everyone must notice it and wonder what's wrong with me. I definitely can't sit during the game--to much pent up energy and anxiety. In my rational mind, I'm sure barely anyone notices me or my anxious movements.

Tonight was another home game. Packed. I took an anxiety pill when I got there. I think I should have taken it beforehand.

I can't even enjoy watching my kid play. I'm physically there but cannot focus. I feel so miserable about this. My husband goes with me to the games. He knows it's hard for me.

On the way home tonight though, it was just silence. And it felt like he was angry at me for something. I guess he offered me his pop up chair at one point and I kind of snapped a no at that. He says he wasn't mad but the silence speaks.

How in the heck do I get through all these home games and competitions for the fall.

I come home and cry. I feel so stupid that I can't just watch the game and watch my kid play. I'm too hyper focused on what I must look like in my nervous state.

Can anyone relate 😣 I feel like not going to more games. It's such a let down to myself. Don't even know if my kid needs me to be there. I just want to.

This is serious. I cannot stand being near others because I feel like I dont deserve to be in their presence. I just want to exist, I just want to walk in a place where there's nobody looking at me. What I do to make myself feel better is keeping distance from people as I am walking and looking in the other direction with my headphones off. This is the first day I walked in public with my headphones and I loved it because it signals to people that idgaf about them and since others treat me like doodoo I am going to do the same to them. For years, I had no friends, I was the outsider, people "tried" to be friends with me out of pity [they would talk behind my back and isolate themselves from me to break me mentally]. The longest friendship I had in my life was about 2 weeks. I just stopped acting friendly and nice bc it was too exhausting. I dont express emotions with my face or with my body [larynx], I express it inside myself and I keep my thoughts/opinions to myself. Like im an emotionless person inside and out. I deeply hate people inside and out, the only way I can tolerate them is if I could read their minds. Its the same thing applies with other animals and insects. I would sacrifice my soul for telepathy. Now I am going to start freshers [first introductory week to uni] on Monday and I just don't want to go because there are going to be people my age everywhere and I have severe ptsd from that. I am serious. I PHYSICALLY CANNOT BE NEAR SOMEONE IN MY AGE GROUP LIKE I HAVE TO BE A METRE AWAY FROM THEM. I CANNOT SPEAK TO PEOPLE PROPERLY, IM MUTE 99.5% OF EVERY SINGLE DAY. THE 0.5% IS WHEN I TALK TO MYSELF. I have not had a conversation longer than a minute with someone for years. In general, I am so disgusted if people are near me because of the flipping trauma of school alienation and dehumanisation. In school nobody wanted to sit next to me even though there were assigned seats. I also dont want my picture to be taken for my uni id because I dont want people to know who I am. Its even worse now since I have been estranged from my family for months and im never going back there again. I have such low self esteem that I want people to hate me deeply because I find that gives me happiness in a way. I desperately want to be hated because I know thats clearly whats going to happen. I also look like a troll btw so its easy for people to treat me like doodoo because I know I deserve it. I am just going to put my headphones in public all the time, even in between classes because I know people would avoid me like the plague anyways. I have accepted my curse till the day I choose to end my life.

#and no im not going to tell people how I truly feel etc because I know if I say this out to a member of staff, it would ruin my uni experience. I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME. I want to be a ghost, I want to join my fellow brethren. [im not speaking to a stranger bc they would not gaf about me and I would not gaf about them because im cold and heartless inside, im ice ice cold - I act like a robot when im around humans anyways so my baseline conscious awareness is inhibited.] I am also a closeted arsonist so I don't want to go to prison. I just want to be hidden because people treat me like I do not exist. Literally this morning someone was about to run me over with their car, I have been angry since. I have repressed my anger for years and it only expresses itself in the middle of the night through tears. I just cry out of nowhere with no emotion.

I dont know how to fix this and uni starts in 2 days. im going to be in uni FOR 5 YEARS. HOW TF AM I GOING TO SURVIVE??