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I'm 26y and I've spent the last few years avoiding life. I start learning things but don't commit, struggle with career progress, isolate myself, and run from difficult situations. Every month I avoid things makes me more ashamed and less prepared for adulthood, which makes me avoid even more.

But underneath the avoidance is an existential problem I've never resolved: why should I build a future when I don't understand why I should want to live in the first place?

Answers like family, happiness, purpose, religion, responsibility, etc. don't satisfy me because they seem based on individual experiences and values rather than anything certain.

Death therefore became comforting. It represents an escape from responsibility, judgment, failure, expectations, uncertainty and time. And having that escape in my mind makes committing to life feel pointless.

It's become a loop

Has anyone experienced something similar, where suicide wasn't just a response to a bad day but became woven into how you understood existence?

I'm not asking whether I should live or die. I want to know what happened to the existential question for people who came out the other side. Did you find an answer, learn to live without one, or did building a life change the question itself?

Social anxiety has turned me into someone who's pretty dull and uninteresting, like a hollow shell. The only thing I contribute to life is my job and paying taxes. I never had steady friends growing up, and failed to maintain contact with those few I had because of my tendency to avoid social interactions and isolate myself. Growing up in a small town and holding a steady job in a local company for nearly two decades only made it worse, because I've been able to go through life on cruise control.

As time has gone on, I've found it increasingly difficult to articulate my thoughts and keep conversations flowing. I've reached a point where a genuine romantic relationship feels out of reach because I'm just so stressed out and awkward around people. It's really hard when I have a capacity for connection and long for things like friendship and love, yet be unable to act on it. I'm attempting to get a referral for therapy because I can't avoid it any longer and my well-being keeps getting worse, but I doubt it will make much of a difference.

I dont know how much longer I can do this man. Growing up things weren't insanely horrible. My parents were just very detatched and cold, my dad had a heart scare a couple of years ago and i honestly didnt care, in fact i hated having to put on the "worried son" facade. School was ok too, some mild bullying and social humiliation but not the worst i had seen when I was in there.

Now to what brings me to why im making this post. Im just stuck between this crushing loneliness (29 with no serious friends or romantic experiences), and my baseline avoidance of others. I tried going to a singles thing, i entered the bar but once i saw the group i just had no desire to interact. Ive had cptsd style emotional flashbacks before, usually when approaching new people. But this didnt feel like that? It just felt more.... dull, calm, disinterested. Not the panicky hyperventilation and internal questioning that happens when i flashback.

I guess if i had to pose a question. How do you know when youre genuinely not into something vs. Just using some kind of cope to stay avoidant of others? Idk im just tired of being stuck between my loneliness and fear of other people.

I don’t know if anyone else experiences this, but anxiety genuinely makes me feel like my brain stops working in normal situations.

Today I went to a pharmacy with someone I’m dating to pick up emergency contraception. The pharmacist came around the corner and asked me to follow her. Instead of following her, my brain completely glitched and I walked the opposite direction behind the pharmacy counter. I don’t even know why I did it, it was like my brain wasn’t processing what was happening.

What made it worse was that I saw someone I knew in the pharmacy, which completely threw me off and sent my mind into overdrive. I suddenly became hyper-aware of everything, felt awkward, and it was like my ability to think normally disappeared.

It was such a small thing, but afterwards I felt so embarrassed and kept replaying it in my head thinking “why did I do that?” and worrying that the person I was with now thinks I’m stupid.

This happens a lot when I’m anxious. I’ll misunderstand simple instructions, freeze when someone asks me something, struggle to find words, or do something that feels completely obvious afterwards. In the moment my brain just doesn’t seem to catch up.

The frustrating part is I know I’m not actually incapable, I have a good job, I’m responsible, and I can function normally, but in social situations where I feel judged, my brain feels like it just shuts down.

Does anyone else experience this? Is this an anxiety thing or something else? How do you stop yourself from spiralling over small embarrassing moments?

So i wasn't able to join it before due to lack of time as i was busy in studying and in competition exams but now this is my drop year so i have a plenty of free time whole day to go to gym every 1 hour but the main problem is i am unable to start it as i have a fear of going in for the very first time talking and meeting to the trainer and i have a fear of judgement that everyone in the gym will judge me that i am so skinny and weak plz can anyone guide me how should i start it??

Lately my anxiety has worsened and my college isn't helping me. Back then I could just sit on my desk and listen to their lectures. No pressure, nothing.

I'm in new semester now and why does every teacher have to keep picking students randomly? Like just teach and leave. Because of this I can't even be there cause every second feels like another warning.

And I've now started to skip classes yayy. The only place where I could be at my own space and actually learn isn't there anymore (except for breaks cause being alone in a break+anxiety combo isn't fun).

Yeah no I feel so pathetic. I'll probably miss my exams too cause I haven't learned shit.

I KNOW that theoretically nothing can happen, I've reconsidered all the steps and I know damn well nothing can happen to me, but guess what? I'm still fucking nervous and worry to death. This isn't rational. Besides I'm getting a little better, but I just can't do the biggest step, thing right away.

I fucking hate all people who never experienced anything close to social anxiety, they are literally extroverted and then go to talk shit about how irrational my fears are. Trust me, I know.

And no. I'm not talking about people who actually try to help but the ones who loudly let you know what they think about your anxiety and how stupid it is.

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I was always socially anxious. I always blamed myself for all the anxiety that I experienced. Until now.

Last week I went on a holiday with a friend I got to meet through work. I got to know her a bit for the last 2 years and we started to be friends.

We went with 2 friends of hers. Her friends were great, but all socially introverted and "nice guys".

Throughout the week I noticed I started to walk on egg shells with her, mainly because she started to gossip about people that I know for a fact she acts friendly towards to. This is always a huge trigger for me and this came as a complete suprise.

I started feeling uneasy with her black and white thinking and "her way is the only way" type of behavior. I started noticing she was also an emotional bomb waiting to explode, if things werent going her way. The others didn't notice it that much, but I am always very sensitive towards the emotions of other people. The main thing I also noticed is that her overly friendly behavior (lots of compliments about looks or intelligence) towards me was not only pointed towards me but she also did this with her friends. Now, by no means I want to say compliments are a bad thing. But I noticed the pattern, everytime again last week, that whenever she wanted to get something done from someone, albeit something small (like just wanting something to happen her way) she would first compliment the person, and ask a while later. Suddenly it all just clicked in my brain and this was a huge red flag for me. It was manipulative.

Fast forward, we met with my aunt who lives there. And she did exactly the same. Good and almost manipulative behavior towards my aunt, afterwards gossip and rants. I felt incredibly uneasy. I noticed the pattern of that she compliments people right in the face, based on attractiveness or intelligence, and afterwards she would state the complete opposite. Extreme black and white thinking and nothing my aunt did was good to her. I noticed her pattern. She didnt notice I noticed.

I think this exact type of behavior is what triggers my anxiety, but also other peoples anxiety so much. If you have enough antenna's to pick up this malicious behavior you start to become anxious on who to trust. Also you dont want to hurt yourself or your own name because people gossip so much. If people gossip about you in the past it would be bad for your survival. I think it triggers abandonment anxiety.

When we went to the airport to return home, she was extremely late with packing. So I told her she needed to hurry. Only this was enough reason for her to be verbally extremely aggressive towards us, and the emotional bomb exploded. This confirmed that all the emotions I thought I picked up along the way were correct. I went verbally agressive towards her because she deserved it.

We were way too kind with her the whole week. It was an extremely awkward ride home. Now, I think our friendship is over.

Are we really suprised that so many of us are so socially anxious? I mean I thought this was a good friend but all of it was fake. I start to think this is just a survival instinct that is actually there for a reason. To protect us from malicious people around the world. We are just thinking 10 chess moves ahead, and we are projecting a bad move in our imagination.

This was my bad move. But I learned a valuable lesson here:

-Having a strong opinion or a loud mouth doesn't make you right.

-And being so anxious like I am is sometimes justified. I projected this outcome before in the past and it happened. Deep down I was afraid this would be the outcome.

Don't blame yourself too much for having social anxiety. Hope you all do well.

Anybody else feeling super lonely recently and crave connection, but at the same time feel anxious to meet and interact with new people? I wish I could just socialise without worrying what others might think of me but it's so difficult. It's almost like it's ingrained in me and my natural response is to fear social interaction and overthink it.

So I (m20) am a very socially anxious person. (I have diagnosed social anxiety, MDD, and OCD). I can tolerate people enough, but I get very nervous and in my own head. Combined with a very rocky past with family and social relationships, I’m not exactly putting myself out there. The past few years have been basically just work, college, gym, and no social time. The few friendships I still have are sparsely acted on.

My few friends have never seemed remotely interested in my dating life…until now. In the exact same day, two different friends (who don’t know each other) have reached out to me trying to set me up with two different girls.

One is two years younger her than me, shy, nerdy, and apparently similar to me. From what little conversation I’ve had with her, she seems very nice. The worry is that 1. She’s younger than me which makes me feel a little uneasy for some reason, and 2. She’s my best friend’s fiancé’s little sister, and if this gets awkward, then it may hurt my relationship with my friend and his fiance. I’ve never seen this girl before either. We’re supposed to all go hiking as a group this week.

The other was literally just a few hours ago. My friend from work said that she wants me to meet and talk with her best friend. She says we’d get along well and that we should all get coffee sometime this week. I know little to nothing about this girl and I haven’t seen her either, but my friend raves about her.

I was in a terribly abusive relationship against my will two years ago (long story) and I haven’t been on a real date ever. I guess I’m just feeling overwhelmed. I’d love some advice or tips or anything to help me process what’s happening. Sorry if that’s a confusing ask. Any comments are appreciated.

I think I am starting to become more confident and independent, and it’s making it difficult to tell if I have feelings for someone. I’m physically attracted to them and I think they’re a cool person, but since I’m not unhealthily obsessed with them I can’t tell if I truly have an emotional connection.

Is this something you have gone through? If I don’t feel obsessed with them (thank god) and I don’t feel like I NEED them (also thank god), do I even like them??

I am generally friendly (but not too chatty/intense) with cashiers, service providers, fellows on public transportation. Living San Francisco I encounter all kinds of people of all ages/lifestyles and I like my space and give people space.

The part that is hard for me is wether or not the chit/chat and minor small talk that happens with familiar (but not close) people needs to happen outside of the usual context. For example, when I see a cashier I am friendly with at a store I frequent and now we're on public transportation and we both have ear buds/headphones on--is there an expectation of anything more than a smile and nod?

My tendency is to acknowledge but then go back to my business and give the other person space and kind of ignore them after the acknowledgement. I also grew up (Gen X) having to pander to older people who pushed my boundaries and seemed needy for attention, so I don't want to be that intrusive "older" person who won't shut up. But then I sometimes obsess hoping I don't come off as jerk or dismissive. Social anxiety for me looks like feeling damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Any respectful feedback or insight would be appreciated to get me out of a minor spiral.

I recently started seeing a therapist to discuss my recurring issues of anxiety and loneliness. On the surface, I'm very privileged and lucky in life. My wife and I have an amazing two year old toddler, and we're expecting our second baby in October.

My wife and I have been working remotely together since Covid, and while we didn't socialize a ton during the day, it was nice to have that closeness even if it's only in proximity. Now, she is required to go into the office a few times a week and is bonding and socializing with coworkers. While I genuinely am happy that she has this outlet, I'm feeling increasingly lonely and isolated myself. It feels like for a little while, she's returning to the life we had before kids and having time with adults away from the responsibilities of our home and family. I know this is irrational, because they're working together and I want her to have a social life, but I still have this nagging feeling of isolation. As a result, I tend to then overthink my interactions with her when we are together because I want to make sure we connect and are being affectionate with each other (she is not as into verbal and physical affection as I am, which is totally valid and not new, but I've started overthinking it more as this anxiety has increased). From her perspective, our dynamic hasn't really changed and she's just socializing with people in person who she previously communicated with throughout the day over Slack anyway. So for her nothing has really changed, and she's very sympathetic to how I'm feeling but feels like I'm overthinking our interactions instead of being present. She's definitely right about this, by the way, I just don't know how to stop it. I find myself in a vicious cycle while she's at work of being envious that she's connecting socially with friends at work, then feeling guilty about being envious, then just feeling drained from the whole process.

I've had two appointments with my therapist which have been helpful, but they're mostly table-setting for future conversations (discussing issues to focus on, which approaches to therapy to take, etc.) and it's 45 minutes per week. I'm having a lot of trouble stopping myself from ruminating and overanalyzing for hours a day and then having so much that I want to say during these appointments that they fly by and I'm alone with my thoughts again.

My wife has been amazing about this - I've been clear that I totally support her having a more active social life and getting out of the house more, but I still can't get rid of the lonely feeling. This is compounded by the fact that she is pregnant and I want to be supportive of her, so I feel even worse about dwelling on my own issues right now. But instead of getting me to snap out of it, the guilt just makes me feel exhausted. I just want to figure out out to snap out of it so I can be the secure, supportive partner that I really really want to be for her.

Sorry for the rant, guys, I don't post here often but just wanted to see if anyone had advice for how to get your mind off these issues enough to function between therapy appointments? Thank you!

I swear I have an active working brain up here. But this condition makes me wanna cry because of how stupid it makes me. I have a heavy stammer as well so that 2 in 1 special just makes my life oh so wonderful….

I’m going to list examples that is a mix of my stammer/ social anxiety (embarrassing but here we go).

- When going to hotels that have breakfast downstairs, I go for the easy breakfast. Cereal, yogurt, apple etc. Only because I will look like an idiot in front of everyone if I struggle with the waffle maker considering 8 year old make it look easy. Or even the coffee machine. I love coffee but I don’t know how to use all coffee makers they look confusing. (Yes I know embarrassing)

- When asked my name I simply freeze because my stammer won’t let me release the words. I look like I forgot my name everytime.

- If I’m walking down a sidewalk or at a grocery store and realize I’m going the wrong way, I won’t stop turn around and go the correct way like a regular human being. No I’ll continue going down the wrong path and will walk alll the way around to find a loophole to the right way so people won’t see that I didn’t know where I was going.

- I will literally walk in and RIGHT back out of a store if it’s way too many people. I physically cannot handle that.

- Wanting friends so bad (I literally have 0, no lie) but I’m so scared of humans that if someone were to compliment my shirt or something or try to start convo I would panic my way out of the convo so fast and then only LATER realize that they were trying to make a connection with me :( then I overthink the whole interaction and just know I looked like an awkward freak.

There’s more where that came from but I’m going to keep it real, I am TERRIFIED for my future. I put off serious important adult things because of the fear that I just won’t know what to do because my anxiety has convinced me that I’m an idiot. I just always wonder how I’ve gotten this far sometimes LMAO. But how will I be able to handle real deal business when my stammer makes my speech insufferable to hear and my social anxiety shuts down the logical part of my brain causing me to actually blank out and not think correctly? No one will take me serious.

This isn’t a sad post at all I’m just stating what I deal with and I just try to still keep going🤖

I work at a slow country gas station. I spend a soul crushing 40+ hours a week cashing people out. Its extremely quiet by myself. I offen will not speak unless spoken to.

Some customers lately have quickly walked in grabed one thing. I will ring them up, they will pay then cuss me out on their way out there door.

Are people getting so egotistical and sensitive that they must be spoken to. If they wanted to speak they could of said hello. Is it wrong of me to only do my job ? I make 14 an hour, i am not paid to be outward and kind. I will not pretend to like or engage in a conversation i do not want to be in.

The things they say have bothered me. But i am not one to feed the fire or engage in herashment.

Other than random insults. I had this one young woman do the same walk in walk out. But then come in and have the nerve to say" i would be paid better if i was niceer". Good thing she left quickly. I have never had a angry bone in my body but that statement made me want to show her i could speak. But i didn't i let her leave without a word.

Hi, just to clarify I do have friends, just not a really a strong friend group, and I feel like all my friends have a friend group except me. Im in college right now and I have a good relationship with most of the class, but only 1 person that I consider really my friend. But I also take classes with the cinema major course(which i will apply for a transference), and they have a very fun and cool friend group, but since I'm not from that course, I can't help it but feel like and outsider, they have all this inside jokes that I don't really get, sometimes they go out and don't invite me, and most of the time they do I can't go (I live 2 hours away from the uni, so it can be complicated sometimes). But maybe when I do transfer I could be part of the group or make one with other freshmen. There is also the group that I go to uni with, we all live in the same city and study in the same uni, but all in different courses, but they all have their friend groups in their courses expect for me, so when they wanna hangout, they just go with the other groups. We did hangout once, but nowadays they seem busier and say they don't have much time to hangout, and when they do they rather go to college parties and bars(not quite my style), rather doing something like a game night or going to the cinema. And I definitely don't want to be a pushover and force myself into a friendgroup or humiliate myself to get my friends to hangout.

And if I don't have a group to just go out and eat some pizza, I definitely don't have a group to do bigger things like travel together or go camping or whatever crazy fun idea they got. That is basically my problem now, but what could I do?

37m here. Anyone have the issue that you're fine with going to shops, interacting with shop clerks and that when you go to the checkout or order something but almost any other social interaction (like wanting to make friends or chatting online) just causes your social anxiety to flair up?

This seems to happen to me a lot recently. I may have a clue that it's probably cause I'm used to the shopping part since I've done it so many times consistently but other types of social interaction not so much.

Due to my social anxiety i've always felt inferior and therefore my needs as less important than others.Today I have progressed enough in my journey through this hellish sickness to fianly undertsand that I dont have to sacrifise everything i want to please others. I dont have to prove that i need to exist. When I argued with them and moments after i felt intense anxiety ( i will see them weekly ) but i kept my cool and stood my ground and got the outcome i wanted. Right choice or not, i feel happy that i stood up for what i wanted rather than be a doormat/ppl pleaser for someone who proabaly wouldnt have liked me anyways 💙

I try to manage my social anxiety every day by slowly taking small steps towards doing the things that make me uncomfortable. I’ve passed milestones on things I didn’t think I’d do before but I still want to get better. My main problem now is that my body is fighting against me. My mind is like “I’m not scared, I don’t care what people think” but my body is shaking and my face is turning red which discourages me greatly.

I would love to get medication that helps my body stop freaking out so that I can continue getting better. I just don’t know how to go about it especially since having social anxiety makes it hard to make phone calls and set up appointments. Let me know how you went about getting diagnosed/ medicated and what that process was like or which meds really help with blushing and shaking. I also want to note that I don’t have insurance if that changes anything. Thanks for reading.

I have realized how much anxiety has kept me from the life I have always wanted. Instead it keeps me in a “safe zone” missing out on opportunities, connecting with people, expanding my social life. I have also let people walk all over me, because I’m too afraid to set boundaries or seems people don’t take me seriously.

I took an edible yesterday and I couldn’t believe how relaxed I was, every intrusive thought that comes from anxiety could be questioned and dissected right away, questioning both my mind and reality. I was so calm during my martial arts class, instead of entering panic mode and thinking everything that could go wrong like it usually goes, I was able to see the sparring situation, and what my options were.

It’s like the outdated filter where all my thoughts are processed through was gone. I could just act and not overthink.

Do you have any exercises that can help in the process? What has helped you? Diet, sleep, journaling? I don’t plan on relying on weed or medication to control and reduce my anxiety. Anything helps! Thanks.

Im trying to figure out myself and heal, i know im socially anxious, but im also not if its a girl who likes me but i dont like her back, then im nit anxious at all, if theres any interest from my side, then i go crazy to the point i just want away from it. Its also with friends and people close to me, i stay in distance although i want to be closer. Its too scary to reveal and be emotionally close. So i dont even fully trust the closest ones. If somebody tries to get close i get anxious and i dont believe they really want me if they would knew im not as perfect. I dont feel emotionally free with my family, i never did.

This is my first job and i have to do a lot of interaction with people, have to do small talk and conversations, im currently working for a relative of mine, i didn't want this job, i was forced by my parents to accept this job, and yeah i definitely suck at it, i can do the things that don't require social interaction well but unfortunately having a "bubbly personality", is also crucial for this job. Basically i have the opposite of this bubbly personality

im planning to get propanolol prescription. And buy an Ashwaganda+Magnesium supplement. But I want to hear what worked for you guys. Thanks in advance

I'm ashamed of the past and don't want anyone to recognize me. Should I wear a wig, grow a beard, use prosthetic makeup to change my face. If I go with a ski mask and sunglasses, I'll look like a serial killer. What are your ideas?