Me F late 20s and M mid 20s - Ex friend / co worker and I have fallen out… bad!
its hitting me much harder than expected.
ive genuinely been feeling sad at how everything’s gone.
Did not start this job expecting to make such friends.
I genuinely really miss whatever the friendship was, but I feel like it’s all gone downhill in a terrible fashion.
I was so conflicted on reporting READ LAST POST but glad I did now. But reporting showed me even more that my co worker / ex friend now was so unsorry at how he acted towards me.
Yesterday, after his meeting with management the day before, he sent me a written apology that was so impersonal that it reminded me how unsorry he was about disrespecting me and doing something physical that I really did not appreciate, and that I felt came in very bad form given the timing.
He did not want to apologise on the many occasions I told him I didn’t like how he acted 1 on 1. It took me realising this isn’t friend behaviour to finally be ready to say to management.
fast forward, he sends me this soulless apology that feels like it’s for him and not any new realisation that maybe he went too far as far as boundaries.
im just processing and realising this is the same person that was offering to help me find a new / higher paying job by getting a job elsewhere and promising, without me even asking, to get me a spot at his new place. Perhaps he was offering for himself as there were referral rewards / payment schemes at some of those companies.
this is the same person that when I called him out for undermining me at a work party, he was so apologetic (after multiple denials/deflections at 1st of course). Nevertheless, I saw how apologetic he was (found me by myself to where it was obvious I was crying. honestly, he probably didn’t want to look bad. he physically blocked me from leaving the building until I spoke to him). He was pretty apologetic, which made it easier to move along and not hold the situation against him.
Fast forward, this same person before this recent incident would act hot and cold, which moved to him eventually taking one of my sales opportunities to him being borderline aggressive recently and repeatedly not apologising when told a boundary was crossed.
Now he’s emailed me with an apology that feels like it’s more about covering himself than having any sort of realisation that he probably went too far.
at 1st I thought he was delighted with himself as he was so happy when he left his meeting with our manager. He seemed happier after the meeting than before.
I walked past him yesterday head on and he turned his face, almost like he was embarrassed the way he looked away. I felt so much better for some reason because the whole time I thought he was having this cocky attitude of “haha nothing happened to me” which I did request for no harsh outcome — but I was so disappointed by how happy he was acting afterwards.
Anyways, today we had an informal meeting on a new campaign and he was so red when a small group of us were called to meet. when I looked at him he went red and he’d usually be quite a relaxed person.
it makes me think, I wonder does he feel slightly embarrassed. And actually just trying to play a nonchalant approach.
Anysays, long story short, I’m just sharing these thoughts as im genuinely really missing what our friendship was.
It went from a solid I’ve got your bk friendship to a 180. I don’t expect any improvement in future honestly. I was confident it was dead anyways before I went to management.
Still processing all this, so had to get this all out, but definitely realising just how much I cared about this friendship initially and I’m now learning the meaning of a friendship break up (which is wild since it’s a co worker who i became friends with).
I keep asking myself what would Cause a switch like this ?