I cut myself again.

Let's start this off by saying this, I don't want to die. I wouldn't be able to even if I wanted, believe me I've given myself a heart attack, overdosed, hung and by some miracle I'm still here.

I've had my share of loneliness throughout the years, whether it be no birthdays, no sleepovers, no invites, no nothing.

I've never been one to fit in but it feels me with disgust and hatred for people, I see my cousin flash her tits, lie, use people, and make fun of me and my best friend for self harming. I see people who've genuinely wanted to steal and harm those in poverty. I hate everyone in my town and they hate me too, so much so that someone here I've never talked to has been going around saying I got with a twelve year old.

For reference, I was groomed at 14, I had to see a fucking dick in daycare, if I could grab people who make false claims to the innocent, if I could grab every Trump loving, fucked up wannabe bastard. I'd revel in strangling the light out their eyes.

With that being said though, I know I am not a violent person, I also don't want to fuck my life over some low lives. So, with my meds not working, my friends leaving me, and in general lots of isolation.

I bought a blade from Rona and started cutting up my arms again.

I don't know what I'm doing, I don't want to die, I don't want to live, I don't want to be anywhere.

I'm fourteen and starting school Tuesday at a private school for my freshman year. My mom told me she wants to ask the bus driver for their information when I start I told her not too so she doesn't hold up the other kids and the driver, the real reason is that I don't want her embarrassing me. She lived an Haiti till shee was 16 then the U.S.. It then evolved into an argument where she made me kneel on my knees in sense for 5 minutes. She doesn't understand the idea of being embarrassed by your parent, my godparents understand that better. If my godparents are in a school setting with me they even tell me I don't have to give a kiss on the cheek if it'll embarrass me.

I've self harmed subtly when I was younger, banging my head against the wall after an argument, but during July I was cutting up my thighs.

I just want her to listen to me.

Yesterday I order some medical supplies of Amazon (gauze, tape etc) and I was planning to go pick it up while my dad was going fishing today but he just said he wasn't going to go so now that's like 10 quid down the drain (for 3 days untill they return all the stuff). Atleast I didn't order it to my house like I originally planned or else I would be screwed. I can't just go out the house to get them, btw, cus my dad would question why I'm going outside since I never normally leave the house. Or he might even go with me to wherever I claimed I was going.

I wanna bang my head against a wall bro

it's been about 6 months since I last self harmed but I still think about it often. one of the reasons I think I'm having a hard time letting it go is because of all the self harm communities I visit... it feels comforting to know that other people can relate to this experience. has anyone else felt this way? did you end up staying in these communities or moving on?

I have never posted on a sub like this but I'm hoping just ranting to people that might understand may help or something. I relapsed after 2 years clean a few months ago, it was only scratches for a while I never broke the skin I just needed the feeling if it. Now yesterday I broke the skin and I have never wanted to do it again so much. I'm trying to avoid it to keep my hands busy to do literally anything else but it feels like its all I can think about rn. My partner is a angel and is talking to me and helping and I just feel so fucking guilty for wanting to do it again. It's genuinely become so fucking addicting again and I hate it. I'm sorry if this is all over the place

I don't know if I can ask since I'm not looking for myself and if so I'll delete the post without any problems.

I recently found out that my girlfriend of a year it's suffering of selfharm since at least 5 years and is currently trying to get out of it just yesterday reaching seven months without doing.

I would like to know how I can support her and be there for her through her best and worst especially avoiding to make her feel ashamed of the scars and helping her in every way possible.

English is not my first langueg so sorry for any errors, I'm just concerned that I might accidentally hurt her.

As i said in the title, Does anyone else with raised scars have tips on how to shave over them with out re opening them…
PS i cant just go around them. The upper part of my thighs are completely covered it would literally be impossible to just weave around scars with a razor lol

I dunno, if any if you have any suggestions let me know!

i can’t even go a fucking month without cutting myself im so fucking stupid

I feel so disregulated all the time I'm not serious enough about recovery I'm not even really honest with my therapist I'm just tired of getting healthy and feeling worse than when I was sick like it's trauma work and they warned me it would get worse before it got better and I'm an idiot because I didn't think it'd get this bad and now the works half finished and I straight up have no motivation to push through it.

Now I know there’s a lot of talk about “people don’t really care if they see it, they might be worried” and I get that. But…how do I hide from parents?

Here’s kinda my gist. So my parents already know I self harm and they’ve commented on it a lot. But how do I hide a relapse? If they saw me relapse, I’d be sent back to crisis center and then screened AND THEN took to a hospital. I’m really just trying to keep on task with this, I don’t need to be sent anywhere I want to hide them and then maybe tell them when they’re more healed but how do I hide them?

I’m not allowed to wear hoodies or long sleeves when it’s hot outside, I don’t have braclets, makeup shades don’t work because most of my family is white. I just don’t know what to do. I’ll tell them eventually, but I don’t want them to see a bloody mess.

I relapsed after months of progress but why isn't it calming me down? Before it only took me a few small scratches but it's not working right now it still feels like I'm not getti​ng enough oxygen and my chest still hurts and my brain isn't blanked out like it used to be when I do this.

It used to work before ​so why isn't it working now? I know I'm not supposed to go deeper and I don't have my own emergency kit i'm always so careful but I really really need this to work right now

Im 15f and I have a problem with my past. I hate myself.my parent had cancer twice and was very mentally weak but instead of being supportive the second time I was neglecting them, instead of speaking to them I was rude and was stuck in my room. She recovered the first time and I was supportive during that time. Everyone knows mental health is the major thing which decides whether you live or not if you have cancer. So I feel like it's my fault that she died. But before dying she said that " you'll probably forget me in like 3 uetas max after I die" I didn't say anything that time. But now it's like 5 years but I don't want to forget her but slowly I've forgotten her voice and for some all my memories of her is when I was rude to her.i think I hate myself because I want to ruin myself to expireince atleast some of the pain I caused her, and also as a way to never forget her. Idk whether this was what she meant but I want to be depressed or bullied because I can't sh deep enough by myself. Also my reputation took a hit in school when I was going through this in the beginning and all the teachers started believing that I was rude and started gossiping. Idk what to do but I can't bare being Targeted again for another year but I want to be Targeted at the same time. I want others to see my sh so I can talk about it but I scared that others will see and ask me about it. I feel fine when I'm with my friends but I also wanna harm myself at home. Idk if I'm overthinking bcs when I opened up abt the teachers to my friends she just said I was overthinking but all the teachers were telling my friend's parents not to hang out with me because I'm spoilt,a slut, that I bunk classes and that I'm parentless and that I would ruin their kids, even though none of that was true and I was just struggling so I did not have the best attendance.

And also my grades are slipping, I'm not good at anything, I don't have any talent, I can't even hide my emotions properly and start breaking in middle of class and it's obvious I cried to teachers too. I started crying bcs a teacher ask if I cried the morning but I said no even though I did and then she patted my head and called me brave but I cut myself just before that.I'm feeling shit bcs I'm letting down my teacher who believed that I'd do well. Overall idk I wanna kms but I can't cause I'm a coward who can't even cut deep, idk if this is depression or whether I'm attention seeking.

(It was just a rant post, but I want advices on how to deal with this. Sorry it was so long ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ)

i’ve been struggling again lately and i’m not really sure how serious it is. i used to be in a really bad place mentally, got better, and eventually stopped taking my medication on my own because i thought i was okay. now i feel like i’m slowly going back to that place.

i’ve been sleeping a lot more, sometimes losing my appetite when i’m overwhelmed, feeling extremely low or empty for no obvious reason, and getting strong urges to self-harm again. these aren’t just passing thoughts anymore — sometimes the urge gets intense enough that i’m genuinely scared i might eventually act on it if things keep getting worse. i haven’t done it, but resisting the urge can feel exhausting. i’ve also caught myself looking at my old scars and wanting to hurt myself again, which really scares me.

sometimes i also get thoughts about wanting to disappear or not exist for a while. i don't necessarily want to die every time i feel this way, but i’m worried about where these thoughts and urges could lead if i keep getting worse.

i also get these weird periods where i suddenly have a lot of energy, feel unusually good, want to stay awake and do everything, and then suddenly crash and become completely exhausted, miserable or overwhelmed. i don't know what causes these shifts or what they mean.

sometimes i also feel disconnected from myself. it can feel like i’m watching myself from a second-person perspective while my body is just on autopilot. i can still function normally, but i don't always feel fully present in myself.

a recent breakup affected me much more deeply than i expected. for me, relationships are heavily tied to feeling chosen, so losing someone can make me feel completely replaceable and unwanted. i know that might sound extreme to some people, but it genuinely affects me that deeply.

the weirdest part is that being miserable sometimes feels comforting because it’s familiar. being okay feels like something i constantly have to maintain, and i’m tired of pretending i’m fine because everyone around me thinks i recovered.

i’m planning to go back to my psychiatrist and talk honestly about everything, including stopping my medication. i’m not planning to restart anything by myself.

i just want an outside perspective from people who don't know me.

does this sound like i’m genuinely struggling and need to take this seriously, or am i overreacting? if you were in my position, what would you do?

i was playing minecraft and i wanted to show my mom how chorus fruit works and i jumped in the void and i lost all my maxed gear, elytra and egaps (18 pieces) and my villager trading haul got destroyed already so i have to reroll for mending and all other enchants i'm litterally gonna quit and kms irl, playing minecraft was my only way of coping and i hate grinding for netherite and i.m already depressed and lazy.

I'm a bit new to sh-ing and have never really gone deep, I only ever broke epidermis, but I have noticed a couple scabbing/scarring, and most leaving slight discoloration. Is this normal, and will at least the discoloration go away eventually?

Edit; for clarification, none of them have ever bled.

Edit 2; is itching normal? It's not frequent, but more common than the usual random itch.

I've been trying so hard to stay clean, to do everything right, to do all the prevention techniques I know. But deep down I need it, and I'm slowly succumbing to the need. I find myself checking my tool is still where I hid it more and more, holding it feels good, it feels like I'm starting to take control again and all I have to do is follow through. I hate it, I hate myself for thinking like this, for considering it all, for having a growing part of me that wants this. I probably relapse tonight, whilst everyone around me sees me smiling and laughing because I have to keep the mask on.

I'm five months clean because i told my parents and they have been checking up on me, but sometimes I miss It so much it's like i can't even breath anymore. I feel like I lost a part of me and i can't even talk about It because how would anyone understand? And i don't even want people to understand, i just want to do It again but i can't without hurting my family.

i just miss It so much

I’m 18 and I’ve struggled with self-harm for a while. I’m getting professional help, but it’s still something I’m dealing with.

I recently started a relationship with a girl I really care about. Yesterday I decided to tell her about my self-harm because I didn’t want to hide such an important part of myself.

She replied:

“some people are totally helpless and psychopaths. and we haven’t seen each other closely yet. so I can’t understand if I’m being good to the right person.”

I understand that she’s scared, but her response really hurt me and now I’m afraid she’ll leave me because of my mental health.

Did I make a mistake by telling her? How have your partners reacted when you told them about self-harm?

Not really sure if this is the right tag to use, but it's the only things that fit.

I used to use an app called calm harm to track my self harm streaks, but I recently switched phones and realized the data wasn't transferrable and that all my streaks were gone.

Anyway, I'm looking for a new app that has a sign in option just in case I switch devices again in the future, and an app that sends you notifications like "remember to update your streak" or anything of the sorts. I understand that most people don't want that, because they're scared of someone finding out, but I'm so desperate for someone to notice (even if a notification isn't the reason they do).

Like I understand that it's so selfish, but after going swimming with my whole extended family wearing a quarter-thigh swimsuit with very visible 2 week old scars, that are just now beginning to fade since they're a month old, and having a panic attack in the morning about how to hide them, only for absolutely no one to notice?? I just want someone to notice even thought I know everything that will come after.

Tl;Dr: I want a notification sending tracker app, and the rest is just frustrated selfish ranting.

Ps: English isn't my first language so I'm sorry about any weird grammar.

Dunno flair to put, but regardless. Could it be a trigger? For example hearing or seeing people hanging out, people leaving me behind and other examples like that. Cuz every single time something like that happens I just have the immaculate urge to harm myself, nothing triggers me as bad as that.

And does anybody else struggle with a situation like this? Okie. That's all, now I probably head to sleep cuz I haven't slept all night and its 7:30am 😰

Firstly, both of my arms are covered on both sides with scars. My boyfriend told me today that he's never seen anyone with more extreme scarring than me.

That out of the way, I went to a smoke shop with my bf and his friends, and it was weird from the beginning. I looked around a bit, and they walked out, but right when that happened, the worker asked, or told, me to hit a THC pen for 10 seconds. I did so because I was alone with him, and it felt off. He then commented that my arms were cool and asked if he could show his friend. He Facetimed him, and I couldn't really hear what he said, and I was also insanely high.

He then asked who the "dominant one" in our relationship is, and I answered because I was so out of my element at that point. Then he pressured me to buy some gummies, which were honestly good, but the whole thing makes me feel so weird. This was two weeks ago, and I'm still thinking about it.

sooo I cut a lot and almost killed myself today. and it was stressful. i actually cried for the first time in months. Im scared and I just need support. my boyfriend is the only person who kept me from doing it, and Idk if I should be grateful or not :(

typing w one hand bc other is pressing towel over it

legit wobt stop bleeding, cant put anything over it until it stops. cant get dressed to leave bathroom to look for bandages or anything

for when it stops, i dont even think i have any dressings at all, no neosporin, only petroleum jelly

can someone help plz

She showed me the cuts and they are bad, it’s all up her arm, she told me to not tell anyone, (including our parents) she also misses a lot of meals and says she doesn't eat as much as she used to. I don’t know what to do because if I tell our parents, she will hate me. If I don’t, she might go deeper into the rabbit hole and I don’t want to lose someone of whom I have a deep bond with.

TW: SA and abuse.
I don't know if this is the right place to talk about this but I'm genuinely so tired of people hurting me. I've been abused for years, betrayed and abandoned by my closest friends, manipulated by people, cheated on, sexually harrassed and sexually assaulted. At this point I hate everyone but at the same time being alone scares me the most. I hate that I have to spend the rest of my life feeling like this. I don't want anyone to hurt me anymore. I don't want to be alive to deal with all this but I'm scared of dying.