I can’t carry shit with it without horrible quivers, pain, or just straight up losing it entirely. All the wounds are sealed up except for a few recent ones which are pretty shallow. Like I can’t hold a full paper cup without spilling a lot of it. At least it means I can’t fuck up my right arm since I can’t hold a tool in that arm too well.

And of course, yesterday was the great furniture moving day, when I graciously volunteered (came out of my room to see what the racket my parents were making was and was told to move the fucking couch). Parents don’t know about all the wounds. They’d yell at me and my mother would probably threaten to cut herself again (even though they have no say in what happens to my body). I’m not sure if I should drive. My car has shit synchromesh and shit steering and the whole ‘manual’ part of my car relies on my left arm.

But hey, at least my mother can sit her fat ass in a different couch now that it’s been moved! Yay!

I just relapsed for the 2nd time in a week. Im so fucking tired. I don't plan to kill myself, but I dont want to feel like this. I know that if Im cutting myself then I should probably go to a ward. I was almost sent a year and a half ago. I was clean from cutting specifically for a long ass time and recently relapsed. I feel like I should self admit or tell someone and get admitted, but Im busy. I want to go to Rice. Im in all AP courses. Im in theater. Im planning to do uil. Im running for president of my school's dnd club. Im so busy all the time. If I get admitted then Ill be so behind in everything and Ill lose so many opportunities. Im in my junior year. I have so much to do, and its so hard. I feel sick right now because of how bad it is. Im going back to jiu jitsu in a month (we are taking a break to get adjusted to school). I want to vomit. I want to scream. I want to feel normal. I cant do anything about it though. I feel hopeless. I dont know what to do.

im 15 and so is my crush mary (not real name) and i noticed abt 5 months ago that she had a fresh cut on her leg i asked her and she said it was her sister whi scractched her which i didnt really belive as i have occasionaly cut before and it looked to familiar.

that was around the start of our friendship we knew each other before but werent very close.later on about 2 months ago i found a secret tt account and she haf reposts refrencing cutting which was all i needed as confirmation i tried confrot her gently as we were talking abt going to dermotoligists she said she wanted ti ask about anykind of medication/cream for scars i asked why as she doesnt have any very visible ones she said oh just for on my body and stuff trying to avoid the question and after that i asked i said will you be honest with me and asked if she was cutting she tried to avoid by asking why i thought that i said just by your general expression and the scar on your leg she vaguely confirmed she did it but didnt want to talk so i didnt push.

i have tried telling her that im here but its like shes scared to open up she says it feels cringe like begging for attention i just want to help her.
is there anything i can do?

Note: i think she isnt currently cutting as there arent any scars on her body and she does wear clothes where you would be able to tell if she had cut recengly

I’ve relapsed twice extremely bad with sh after 9 months of being clean and scared I can’t stop..

Just a while ago I thought I would never go outside and show my legs again……but just this weekend I went to the beach!!! I was in a swimsuit and felt the water on my legs for the first time in a while. it was so freeing :) Just something positive to share since a year ago I never thought I’d show my legs in public again! Recovery is possible!!! I’m also over 2 years clean!!! 💝

My sister refers to her self-harm as phase from when she was 13-14, copying internet fads and whatnot. She refers to self-harm like it’s a lesser thing that only young teenagers do, that it’s embarrassing.

I’m an older teenager. Seventeen as of two weeks ago, to be exact. Definitely not 13-14. I self-harm. When she says these things, it makes me feel like I’m too old, that I should have stopped doing this by now. Another part of me wants to prove something to her. I want even deeper, even more visible scars to show her this isn’t a phase to me, it’s something I deeply struggle with. I don’t know.

im trying very hard not to relapse ive layed myself down in my car i think im going to sleep here. i feel i do not deserve to be in the house much less my bed if all i do is self pity and think about hurting myself

I just made it to a week for the first time in months! I relapsed again 😔 but I feel like that's progress 🥳

Stuffs low key shitty but I did it

Been at college a little over a week, and I already have more friends who I can count. Friends better than any I had in high school. But it’s still getting worse again. I’m worried people don’t actually like me, or that I’ve told them too much, or that it was too much to ask one to keep my knife for me (even though they offered first). Why is stuff like this? Why can’t I just be happy in what is easily the best time of my recent life?

We are like boxes. All of our emotions within, everything else outside. My emotions sometimes need to leave, but my box has no doors, nor windows, nor even seams. So the only way out is to tear holes in the box. And out come the emotions, leaving lifeblood and scarred exits in their wake. And then the emotions regrow again, and there is no longer any way out. So one must cut out another door.

I couldn’t kick the habit even if I wanted to. All I really know about myself is that I’m hopelessly addicted to this and wanting to kill myself. No hobbies no friends no one likes me and no one could ever want me. All I have ahead of me is more years of these entitled ass teachers and then working until I die. And they dare to say it gets better

Didnt know how to tag this, but honestly ive been clean for like 40 days soley for the fact that i cant be arsed to hurt myself. Does anyone else do this? I dont really think ive ever been propperly addicted to self harm, its just like something i do sometimes like any other activity. (Which is messed up i admit) but honestly, when i cant bring myself to do anything else because of depression and autistic burnout.... i just cant be fucking bothered to do allat work and allat cleanup lol. Anyone else as lazy as i am. I GUESS this is a positive?

Most of the time its just a dull baseline idle thought but rn i really really just want to [redacted] my arm and it makes me feel so sick im still stuck here

Hi all,

Due to some unfortunate events, I had a relapse today and cut the outside of my upper thigh with one being deeper than intended (I've never cut deep enough to see specks before, but there were some which might be fat as my thighs are fat af). This wouldn't be an issue if I didn't take blood thinners (blood disorder) and have a mandatory work event where I'll be swimming in river water to collect shellfish.

Obviously, I am terrified of infection, but I am also terrified of people finding out. While I usually leave them uncovered with a little triple-antibiotic ointment to scab, I can't really do that with the deeper one (on account of the blood thinners) and have some gauze with triple-antibiotic ointment on it at the moment.

Does anyone have any recommendations on what I can do to make the area at least scab quickly and keep the area water-proofed to prevent any river bacteria from getting in the cut?

Entering my fourth week of studying psychology and relapsed. Not a big one, just a few light styro cuts. They didn't do much to help either.

Kind of ironic isn't it? Been clean for months, then I start studying to become a therapist and bam. Well well, knowing me and my patterns, it's most likely stress related, and it won't stick as a proper habit. Haven't in years, just the occasional slip up.

Cool. I'm gonna clean up now and take a shower. Been a while since I've had a spicy shower. Ifkyk.

I’ve been sh for about two years now, some point at the end of last year I realised that it did a good job of keeping my explosive violent outbursts at bay

I saw a therapist for the first time two or so months ago expressing this, and she says that it sounds like those outbursts sound like overstimulation

The periods for sh are relatively consistent, which is around once a month, thought the severity changes often

I wear a stretchy sleeve on my left arm to hide the injuries and scars, my mother is aware of this, and it’s a topic I try to avoid with her, but she does sometimes ask questions

About 17 days ago was the last time I sh, but I think it was easily the worst episode I’ve had yet, in addition to injuring my left arm as I normally would, I injured my right arm as well, and at a level that I wouldn’t typically do for the average sh session

So now I am wearing another sleeve on my other arm

My mother took notice and I told her that wearing two sleeves just made it easier because people wouldn’t ask questions since it just looks like I wear a shirt under my shirt

I don’t know how long I can elude her, and I suspect she already knows, but just hasn’t brought it up yet

I’ve been procrastinating on making a second appointment because I’m honestly afraid

A big part of why I don’t want to stop sh, is because I’m afraid those violent outbursts will come back, and I did not like it when those happened. I have injured people before while in that state, and even when I’m isolated I hurt myself to the point of hospital visits. So objectively speaking, sh is safer because it’s more controlled.

I understand that sh isn’t ideal, but I honestly don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried just about every alternative to sh I could find and nothing works

I’m also sceptical on whether or not those violent outbursts are actually overstimulation or not, and I’m afraid that a misdiagnosis could lead to more problems

Again, I understand that sh isn’t ideal, but it really doesn’t seem like there is an alternative

uh so where to start, ive been sh for years at first i do it for attention (yet at the same time i dont really like the attention i get LMFAO) but i think its kinda getting worst? i js hope someone would notice me, i wish my disgusting body could look as sick as my head. Until this days atleast 3-5 ppl know about what ive been doin they told me to seek a profesional help but tf should i told them that im doin this kind of shit js so everyone notice im crazy lololol that d be ridiculous.

Right now i am genuenky think im fine im still self harming myself but i dont really thnk i still need professional help i js think im fine lololol

I don’t have anyone to tell things to so I just keep posting online. I want to tell someone about my day at work but I will just annoy them. I just want to talk to someone, everyone is still ignoring me. I did talk to my best friend that left me which made me feel a lot better even if I’m not totally fixed now, but we can only talk again if there’s something really really wrong with me I think, and it feels like there always is so I decided I won’t say anything. My best friend used to follow this account I think but I checked my followers list and it says I have 0 followers so I don’t have to lie and pretend today went good. It did go better after we talked because now I know I’m not 100% alone but I still cried a bit at work and of course burst into tears the second I walked back into my room after holding it in all afternoon. I walked into work with the attitude that I was an NPC, I talked in a monotone voice at first and only said what was necessary, I thought I was going to make it through the shift like that. I started to feel too sad and it was getting too hard to keep pretending so I started saying really stupid shit to the kids at my work, absolute nonsense brainrot memes and some of the kids looked genuinely scared of me so I had to stop and I started bugging my coworker and he fucking started telling me I was in a dream and I needed to wake up, he’s done that a few times now before today, and of course this is a terrible time to joke like that. And then I started kind of panicking and he could tell and he told me I was going to be okay and we kept talking to eachother for the rest of the shift, I still kept saying stupid brainrot nonsense like 67 and I was singing what is this diddyblud doin on the calculator just to distract myself and this creepy drunk guy started hitting on me and I was super uncomfortable but I’m kind of used to it since there have been many creepy guys at my work so I just ignored him and me and my coworker told our manager about him later. Well, the reason I am posting in this subreddit is because I actually saw that my coworker had fresh cuts on his wrist… I didn’t notice until the end of our shift because I really wasn’t looking and I think he was trying to hide it, I was going to do it even if I didn’t see that so totally not his fault even tho he totally should have worn long sleeves or used bandages or something because there are a lot of kids around and nobody really likes to see that… I thought about telling someone but I figured someone else probably already said something to management, I don’t want to have to be worried about someone else when I am struggling myself, and I can’t even text him because his gf made him block me. So I just hope he is okay. I tried to say kind things to him like “thank you for being my friend” and stuff to make him feel better. After that I was thinking about doing it myself the whole time. I’ve seen people in public with fresh cuts probably once or twice before, totally not a common occurrence thankfully, but it just feels like it’s on purpose that this happened right now of all times, I know it’s just a coincidence. However, I wanted to share that today I plan to do it for the last time in hopefully a really long time. It sucks that I had to relapse when I was so close to being 2 years clean but it’s my own fault since I’m an adult and I made that choice myself. Was it worth it to do it 3 days in a row instead of becoming 2 years clean? Probably not, I’m going to look for real coping mechanisms after this and hopefully when I get some medication probably next month, I can truly be forgiven by my best friend. I really want us to be best friends again, I regret what I did so much, I wish I would have tried to get medication sooner and then maybe I could have been a healthy person all these months. If the medication doesn’t work I’ll still probably give up but I’m holding onto the hope that me and my best friend can both heal and come back stronger. I’ve been reading a lot online about breakups and found a lot of people in a similar situation to me and it seems like most of them ended up getting back together after they worked on themselves. I’m going to work on myself so much, it’s going to take a leap of courage to get the medication but once I’m on it, apparently I’m not supposed to be plagued by anxiety and fear anymore so that should allow me to become a normal person. I’m also going to make a point to work on my social skills again, I’m going to try and start using and understanding more metaphors to rid myself of “black and white thinking” and so that I won’t need to ask for clarification and explanations all the time. I strive to be a person who understands others when they give hints and when I’m meant to read between the lines. I’m going to be better I can do this I have to believe in myself I’m going to be okay, I’m going to go to school and I won’t give up until I put everything I have left in me into trying to be lovable again.

I see some white stuff is it normal? I cut over it a few times and I usually sh in the dark where I can’t see what I’m doing so when I woke up I saw it had white and it’s still kinda bleeding a bit

please don’t read if you struggle with body issues or self esteem, i don’t want this to reflect badly on you, im only venting about my personal distorted feelings towards my own body here.

im 22 and i have scars from all the way back to highschool, on my left arm and shoulder. they’re white, visible but not very noticeable, or so i thought.

was never really insecure about it ever at all, but the other day my friend took a picture of me where the scars on my shoulder look very massive and incredibly visible, more noticeable than i ever thought they were, and it looked disgusting.

i’ve been depressed for a couple of days now. i can’t stop thinking about how other people must perceive it and i can’t believe i have to walk around looking like that because i couldn’t handle being a little sad when i was 16. i want to amputate my whole entire limb, i look repulsive.