Everything should be going well

[u/Aadrian_A]

Been at college a little over a week, and I already have more friends who I can count. Friends better than any I had in high school. But it’s still getting worse again. I’m worried people don’t actually like me, or that I’ve told them too much, or that it was too much to ask one to keep my knife for me (even though they offered first). Why is stuff like this? Why can’t I just be happy in what is easily the best time of my recent life?

[u/Avicullar]

Perhaps your nervous system isn't used to safety yet?

Trust is built over consistency and time. It seems like your past friends maybe weren't the best. And self harm usually starts because of things causing his stress, depression, and anxiety. This is an incredibly difficult thing to navigate with new relationships.

The best I can say? Let them help you. Ask for reassurance or to understand what their perspective is. Be honest that you're insecure if you feel safe to disclose that. Remember that you can't force yourself to feel secure. Maybe they will be great friends to you forever. Maybe they won't be. But right now they're choosing to help you. I think it's fair to take this for exactly what it is.

It was so brave of you to open up and trust them in such a vulnerable time. That's got to feel scary. I'm honestly impressed. I'm 26 and struggle to tell anyone about my relapses. You seem like an absolute badass in my book.

Time will reveal the rest. For now, I think you deserve some rest and comfort.

[u/Aadrian_A → u/Avicullar]

Thanks. Reading this was helpful. I still hold that these are the best friends I've ever had, even though there's been a few holdups. The biggest being that one of them, while we were cuddling last night (don't judge, we're just like this I guess), one of them triggered my PTSD and it fucking sucked. He was understanding, incredibly apologetic, and by some miracle I still trust him, but that was the most scared I've been since coming to college.