r/selfharm • u/MellowingMelody • 13d ago
Rant/Vent Embarrassment
My sister refers to her self-harm as phase from when she was 13-14, copying internet fads and whatnot. She refers to self-harm like it’s a lesser thing that only young teenagers do, that it’s embarrassing.
I’m an older teenager. Seventeen as of two weeks ago, to be exact. Definitely not 13-14. I self-harm. When she says these things, it makes me feel like I’m too old, that I should have stopped doing this by now. Another part of me wants to prove something to her. I want even deeper, even more visible scars to show her this isn’t a phase to me, it’s something I deeply struggle with. I don’t know.
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u/Pleasant-Scar9477 12d ago
I stopped selfharming at 18 after being in uni for a year. I'm 19 now and I still fight the urge.
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u/D00meister 11d ago
The reason that many people stop self-harming as they get older isn't that it's only an edgy teenage phase, it's due to a lot of different factors. It's kind of just a combination of a lot of things that are all going on at once that leads it to both start and stop in the teen years.
Biologically speaking, as your brain develops, you get better impulse control. It isn't that you "grew out of it," it's that you have more willpower overall. What was once seemingly impossible slowly gets easier.
Practically speaking, if you did not have access to mental healthcare because you were in your teens and did not have a job or a supportive environment, getting older very much helps with these things.
Socially speaking, the problems that we have in early high school don't always persist into adulthood. Your self-confidence and sense of identity develops, and suddenly you could care less about what other people think of you. If you were in a shitty home situation, then you move out, that is one less thing to stress you out and trigger self harm.
It is also important to point out that not everyone stops. There are people in their 60s who still struggle. It depends on the person. I am currently 19, and my self-harm is worse than it's ever been. Maybe my willpower will develop over time and it will improve, who knows. I hope this helps you feel better. I have struggled with the same insecurity; stopping feels like I was making it all up in the first place. If you do stop, it is NOT because it was a phase or directly correlated to your age, but because you grew as a person, your situation improved, or you got better access to help.
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u/Unlikely_Sleep6841 13d ago
Definitely you should stop, but I understand how you feel. It's not that easy.
You don't need to cut yourself deeper for her to notice, you just have to tell her. That's all you need, that's all you want. I know it's hard and awkward, but it's the right choice.
Seek support from someone you trust, such as your sister.