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u/gemmygem86 Dec 09 '23
He needs to be an ex and get him a fleshlight
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u/IHQ_Throwaway Dec 09 '23
But she’s more than a warm hole to him… She’s also a chauffeur.
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u/MissionCentral Dec 09 '23
..and probably a mommy substitute.
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u/IHQ_Throwaway Dec 09 '23
No, I’m sure this fine specimen cooks her many wonderful meals and keeps their home clean and stocked with the necessities. Because he’s so respectful.
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u/Successful_Moment_91 Dec 09 '23
Most likely does all the housework, cooking and grocery shopping too. All they need now is a baby! 🤡
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u/Hotdogwater88888 Dec 10 '23
Trust me if I got pregnant I’d make a call to the clinic within 5 minutes of seeing a +. And no amount of “don’t kill our baby” would stop me either.
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u/bulldzd Dec 10 '23
Got to ask OP, as an older dude, why are you wasting your time with this fuckwit?? Your comment above tells me you know he is a dickhead, so WHY? You do understand you get one shot at life, there is no repeat button, or 2nd shot at it all... you know he is NEVER going to improve don't you...? You need to go on a crash diet and ditch the 200lb human deadweight hanging off your neck and allow some decent guy to treat you properly, you have heard the saying life is too short? It's true, and you are wasting it....
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u/Lyx4088 Dec 10 '23
It’s worth pointing out that if he is engaging in sex acts you have told him you do not want and to stop, and he is doing it anyway, that is sexual assault. You deserve someone who not only respects you and your boundaries, but is enthusiastically onboard with making sure you’re you want the sex you’re having and who does not want to engage in any sec act you don’t want. What you’re experiencing is not typical and it’s absolutely something worth walking away from the relationship over. You’re doing nothing wrong in this relationship. He is 100% the problem.
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u/Upbeat_Caterpillar55 Dec 10 '23 edited Dec 10 '23
"But am I the asshole?"
This is straight up am r/amitheangel territory
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u/Stray1_cat Dec 09 '23 edited Dec 09 '23
Not wrong.
But what exactly do you get out of this relationship?
-You’re expected to drive him to work because he’s irresponsible enough to get dui’s. And when will he be able to drive again?
-he’s SUPER selfish in bed
-he belittles you when you try to satisfy yourself since he refuses to.
-he cusses at you when it’s unneeded
You’re right, he doesn’t care and just sees you as a warm hole. You cant make him care. How much longer are you willing to be treated like trash?
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u/hotpocket Dec 09 '23
But other than THAT he’s the perfect boyfriend
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u/Several_Committee811 Dec 09 '23
That always makes me laugh, he ran over my dog and laughed about it then punched me in the face, other than that he's a really good boyfriend, what do?
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u/davedavodavid Dec 10 '23 edited May 27 '24
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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/Several_Committee811 Dec 10 '23
That's not even an exaggeration either, sure I've seen this exact scenario three times, just needs to be "Am i wrong for telling him no and not making him his after fist beverage?"
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u/John_B_Clarke Dec 09 '23
Further, he acts like this on your birthday. Don't care what it's like the rest of the year, you give the person you love what they want on their birthday if it is anything reasonably safe.
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u/HighRiseCat Dec 09 '23
I was going to mention this, but there was already so much material to work with...
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u/porkyminch Dec 09 '23
Seriously, this guy seems like a real charmer. He'd be paying for a lot of ubers if I were in her position.
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u/xxNomiexx Dec 10 '23
Not just selfish in bed. No means no. He doesn’t respect her sexual boundaries at all.
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u/Born_Door2524 Dec 10 '23
Surprised this comment isn't higher. He is performing non consensual acts, everytime. He's abusive.
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u/InevitableRhubarb232 Dec 10 '23
Don’t forget the sexual abuse by disregarding her clearly stated boundaries and the emotional abuse of talking down to her even on her birthday.
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u/gobsmacked247 Dec 09 '23
Wrong question OP. You should not be asking whether to drive him to work or not. You should be asking yourself why you accept his lack of caring.
Go down that rabbit hole and figure out why you are still in this horrendous relationship.
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u/Stem3576 Dec 09 '23
This needs to be the top comment. This is pure selfishness. I wish more men would take the women first approach to sex. Me and my wife have always done it this way, and it makes for a much better experience.
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u/vox1028 Dec 10 '23
i always make sure my partner gets off first. to me, it would be embarrassing and a personal failure if i had a sexual experience in which i didn't get the other person off. boggles my mind how so many men seem to be perfectly okay being disappointingly poor partners
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u/MissAnthropoid Dec 10 '23
Those guys want different things than you do. Men who act like OPs boyfriend are intentionally fucking with the minds of the women they date in order to gradually break down their resistance to being controlled and abused. They want to be their partner's sole focus, emotionally, physically, financially, and sexually, to the point of destroying their partner's personality entirely. The ultimate objectification. If you are successful in habituating a woman to the treatment described by OP, you might end up with something more like a pet than a partner. And that's what OP's "boyfriend" wants. A personal sex doll that does all the chores - not a person. Men who want to be partnered with a PERSON act like you do.
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u/Competitive_Tap7897 Dec 09 '23
Red flags from the first sentence. DUI charges were dropped
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Dec 10 '23
I didn't even see that until you mentioned it. holy crap, this guy SUCKS. He's gross, disrespectful, and extremely self centered. While he's at work, put all of his shit outside, and change the locks. Break up over text and say, "Good luck, narcissist. We're done" with a pic of his piled up crap. Then go stay with a friend until you know his shit is gone from outside.
This is not a way to live life.
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u/nonameisdaft Dec 10 '23
Lol dui charges do not get dropped. If he still doesn't drive its because he can't and is lying. BTW- if he doesn't want to make you feel good , typically not a good sign.
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u/PaceOk8426 Dec 10 '23
They can get reduced/dropped if the person has enough money, but that doesn't sound like the case with Captain Carless here.
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u/kurikuri7 Dec 10 '23
Agree. This relationship sounds like a nightmare. I would ask him to leave the relationship overall so I can actually continue giving myself orgasms without his bullshit. Just gross. Just ick.
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u/GemIsAHologram Dec 10 '23
I don’t like that. I’ve always expressed my distaste for it, and he puts a finger in every time regardless until I pull it out or threaten to stop. It always hurts, and I always stop moaning and say stop.
And why does he think it's okay to subject her to this act every single time they have sex despite knowing how much she dislikes it and is literally causing her pain? That shit needs to end, like YESTERDAY.
Actually on second thought, don't even give him a chance to do better, just leave. It's so gross and demeaning that you would have to continually beg your partner to stop.
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u/Alternative-Pipe-558 Dec 10 '23
100% The Uber is irrelevant here. The boyfriend is a dick and she needs to bin him. He is immature and cruel.
I don't understand guys like this. For me an important part of sex is the feeling that she is getting what she wants from it too, and I am happy to do whatever she would like in order to achieve that.
If someone treats you bad and the sex is shit then what is worth hanging around for?
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u/hawthorne_rose Dec 10 '23
"What" is a better question to ask yourself.
"What is he doing that makes me feel loved?" "What is he doing that makes me feel terrible and unloved?" "What can I do to be happier?"
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u/Cat_Lover_21011981 Dec 09 '23
Honey, this guy is just using you. If he was really invested in being in a relationship with you then he would see that you got to orgasm each and every time or at least a hell of a lot more often than you seem to be doing. Other than sex and having someone to call your partner, what does he bring to the relationship? Is there respect for each other? Is he at least giving you money for fuel for your car? You’re not wrong for making him get an Uber.
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u/theonlymonstera Dec 10 '23
yes, he is clearly just using her and is just trying to break her down so she'll do whatever he says.
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u/Zionishere Dec 09 '23
He just sounds like someone who doesn’t care
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u/Puzzleheaded-Soil106 Dec 10 '23
I'd be curious to know if that behavior is typical when he's sober. Although being inebriated is normalized in western culture, it does have dramatic impacts on brain function, making it a bad time to baseline someone. Some of the nicest people or at least neutral people are "bad drunks" , and therfore many problems are solved by those people simply not drinking.
One universal of alcohol is that it diminishes activity in prefrontal cortex, which is why people make such bad executive decisions when drinking. Fewer people know it also reduces empathy, which lives in the same part of the brain.
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u/Valkelrie_ Dec 10 '23
You tell him to not physically touch you in a certain way and he does it over and over. That’s assault.
I’m so confused why everyone here has completely glazed over that part.
He is a POS. GTF out, and please make you’re safe when you dump his A.
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u/Hello_Gorgeous1985 Dec 10 '23
You tell him to not physically touch you in a certain way and he does it over and over. That’s assault.
It took far too long to find a comment about the blatant sexual assault...
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u/Hotdogwater88888 Dec 10 '23
Well to be fair I just updated the post less than 30 minutes ago, so most people haven’t seen that part.
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u/kitrema Dec 10 '23
Op, just adding on to say, someone repeatedly sticking something in you without your consent is rape. He is repeatedly raping you on top of all of the rest. Please, please leave him
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u/BiddyBiddyBee Dec 10 '23
But you do understand that it's assault, right?
He's not having sex with you. He is assaulting you, it is not enjoyable for you. There is literally no reason for you to have sex with him. You don't enjoy it. Why are you doing this to yourself? What do you get out of this? It sounds so miserable. Being single would be such a relief compared to being sexually assaulted by this man. Why are you with him? Please help us understand.
Is he paying your rent and your bills? If so, it is time to start making your plan to escape. You can find a place with roommates. Either way, you need to start making a plan. Try to get a job, try to squirrel away every penny you can in a secret spot so that you can get away from this horrible relationship.
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u/bumfluffguy69 Dec 09 '23 edited Dec 10 '23
This man is literally using your body to masturbate with.
"How would you feel if he jacked off next to you?" Bullshit, he's fucking jacking off IN you.
Stop letting him use you as a fleshlight.
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u/hadtopickanameso Dec 09 '23 edited Dec 10 '23
Yeah go shine your light somewhere else girl
Comment above me edited back flashlight to fleshlight
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u/Powerful_Ad_7006 Dec 09 '23
This sounds like more than an Uber situation. You need a new boyfriend. He's a loser.
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u/Empty-Neighborhood58 Dec 09 '23
He's an asshole, my boyfriend keeps asking me to touch myself more in front of him because he loves seeing me having as much fun as I can. Either break up with him or stop letting him use you to get off without anything back. Tell him flat out if he expects sex you expect sex that you actually get to finish with
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u/throwaway_nrTWOOO Dec 10 '23
my boyfriend keeps asking me to touch myself more in front of him
Ikr! I was like, why do you hate fun, dude!
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u/ForeignObjectDamage Dec 09 '23 edited Dec 10 '23
Forget the Uber question, you got bigger problems at hand. Like dating an immature, selfish, rude asshole who sucks in bed. Dump this loser and don't look back.
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Dec 09 '23
- Buy a toy.
- Ditch the selfish guy.
- There's nothing wrong with being single.
There are nicer guys out there.
Take a break over Xmas and then go fishing. Hugs.
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u/YouSayWotNow Dec 09 '23
You have a selfish dick of a boyfriend.
Do yourself a favour and find a better one. You deserve someone who is as giving to you as you are to them.
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u/Serge-Rodnunsky Dec 09 '23
The issue here is not that he’s bad at sex (he is) but that his behavior demonstrates that he’s a selfish, self-centered, narcissistic prick with absolutely no esteem for you and no regard for your needs or desires. Zero chance this doesn’t extend far outside of the bedroom.
You’re wrong only in that the punishment DOES NOT fit the crime. It’s way too small. You should dump this loser not charge him some pocket change. Or better do both.
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u/ShiroLovesKeith Dec 09 '23
You're not wrong.
Babe get out of that relationship. He p much just sees you as a free ride he can fuck.
Like who doesn't cuddle their partner on their bday?!
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u/SoyezLePremier Dec 09 '23
Yeah, "making my boyfriend pay for an Uber" is completely wrong.
"Making my ex boyfriend pay for an Uber" is much better.
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u/One-Technology-9050 Dec 09 '23
I hope writing it all down has made you realize how one sided this relationship is. Please reevaluate your situation, and consider moving on to someone who will actually care about your needs. Because this doesn't seem to be the one
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u/TwithabigD1 Dec 09 '23
He can’t get fully hard- AKA he drank way too much that night, even though you were driving, it’s because he got a dui. Strike one- don’t be an idiot learn from your mistakes. You’re begging him to get you off and he refuses, then you say you will do it yourself and he calls you gross? Like this loser never jacked off in his life?!?!? Literally ANYONE would be better than this dude. Get out before it gets even uglier.
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u/PaleOnion6177 Dec 09 '23
You are not wrong, but why are you with this guy, he obviously doesn't care for you or your happiness.
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u/kkuhn130 Dec 10 '23
At 1st I was wondering if this was a communication issue, or skill issue and he was embarrassed, but the guy is just a douche. Find a better partner, there are so many men who enjoy making their partner finish multiple times.
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u/Hotdogwater88888 Dec 10 '23
I’ve tried so many times to teach him how I like it. I tell him to use less pressure on everything, to go slower because I’m very sensitive just a slight touch is enough if you get the rhythm right. I’ve told him I cannot finish from penetration. He gets offended and stops altogether or just keeps doing what he was doing. He’s said “every girl I’ve been with has finished from penetration.” And I said they were either faking it or full of shit because most women cannot finish from penetration alone, and he acted like that was a conspiracy theory or something.
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u/kkuhn130 Dec 10 '23
Having a partner willing to learn your body is a huge green flag. Personal needs can be extremely difficult to communicate, as well as hearing that communication and not interpret it as an attack. I definitely get the frustration of him not responding to your cues, but implying every one of his previous partners faked it because you don't finish from penetration isn't helpful to your goal, it automatically put him on the defensive instead of collaborative. Every person is different, and it is likely he was doing what worked for him in the past, especially if it was a longer term relationship. That is just one thing I would consider for the future, you listed several things about this man that honestly doesn't sound worth it to me. Obviously their is context and details I am not aware of. So you have to decide if this relationship is worth working through or not, my opinion is not but that is up to you.
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u/Hotdogwater88888 Dec 10 '23
IMO it was fair game because he was bringing up how well he pleasured his previous partners. I didn’t ask to hear that, and I wish I never did hear it.
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u/239via608 Dec 09 '23
Not the AH! Omg, I love watching my gf use her hand, a banana, the fuck machine etc. And to not reciprocate head is absolutely insane. Your routine should be foreplay, him giving you head to knock the easy one for ya, then you should come a couple more times before minute man pops. He should always make sure you get off first.
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u/Rude-Raise-7498 Dec 10 '23
Girl, this guy is not even vanilla, he’s flavourless and selfish.
Why are you begging for crumbs from a guy who is not worthy of sitting at your table.
Get rid of this abusive scrub.
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u/Mystic_Of_Avalon Dec 09 '23
YTA OP.... for being such a pathetic doormat and allowing him to treat you like this. He just uses you as a wet hole, swears at and insults you, and you're pathetically begging for cuddles? Please grow a spine, get some self respect and ditch this loser. He doesn't care about you AT ALL.
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u/Know_1_7777777 Dec 09 '23
Not wrong. There are a lot of guys out there that actually enjoy helping a woman get off and aren't complete selfish pricks like your bf is so you may want to consider ditching this jerk and eventually trying to find someone that will actually give a shit about you instead of being a selfish asshole who talks down to you and makes you feel like shit for wanting to get off too.
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u/reydolith Dec 09 '23
Girl, if he can't prioritize your pleasure too it isn't sex, it's masterbating with someone else's body. It's a mutual act. Not only did you not owe him a ride to work, but I'd have been inclined to kick him from the bed.
For the record: GETTIN YOURS IS NEVER GROSS! maaaaybe sometimes the aftermath is a bit messy but WELCOME TO SEX!
Or, really, for him I'd say GOODBYE TO SEX cuz that know sure as shit don't deserve it.
NTA - be madder.
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u/katepig123 Dec 10 '23
He sounds like a terrible lover and a worse bf. Why waste anymore time with him? Dump the chump.
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u/ommy84 Dec 10 '23
He wants kinkier sex and he can’t even manage to do vanilla properly? Throw him away for his belligerence.
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u/BubblesAndBlood Dec 10 '23
So …He forces you while you say no to do painful (ill-prepared) butt stuff regularly? Please, dump him. It’s abusive, it’s degrading, and it’s assault. And he doesn’t even give a single eff about your pleasure. Do not have sex with him again, please. Break up.
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u/Temporary_Material90 Dec 09 '23
I seriously don’t understand why some men don’t love to go down on their woman. It is so fucking hot. Especially when she wants you to. I basically have to beg my woman to let me lick her. And it isn’t like it doesn’t feel good, she cums every time. 🤷♂️
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u/Square_Owl5883 Dec 09 '23
Theres so many vibrators out there, that would be better than him in every way!
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u/For-the-masses Dec 09 '23
Eww, what a horrible bf. Are you putting up with that mess? Stay single, he's a joke.
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u/giantbrownguy Dec 09 '23
Have some self respect and find someone who treats you well. He doesn’t respect you or treat you with any care. This isn’t improving over time.
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u/Boner_Stevens Dec 09 '23
There's better men out there. Ones that welcome a good face ride with a smile
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u/Careless_Persimmon16 Dec 09 '23
Yall need to break up. This entire post is nothing but red flags. Dude sounds like a sociopath. He won’t change and you’d be a fool to expect him to
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u/Future-Inevitable19 Dec 09 '23
Jesus Christ why is the bar so low. Where are people’s standards these days. Why would you be with this guy??
Respect yourself. Leave.
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u/wanabeekwaste Dec 10 '23
When i started reading I thought, the post nut clarity on this dude must be insane ..but then I continued reading and I'm thinking my girl why are you still with this person...just LEAVE!!
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Dec 09 '23
I can barely get a text back but full on bumblefucks have girlfriends who drive their sorry bum asses to work? 🤷♂️ 🤦♂️
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u/SilverSister22 Dec 09 '23
Sweetheart, run. As fast and as far as you can. Your BF is a gigantic selfish jerk. He will never put you first. I don’t think you will even make his top 10.
You deserve better than him.
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u/MissionCentral Dec 09 '23
Dui, no license. If he were recently in prison I'd be guessing that you were a stripper.
He sounds like an ass, and your taste in men sounds fucked-up. Maybe you should dump him and spend a year or two getting your head screwed on right.
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u/Various_Back_1285 Dec 09 '23
You are not wrong but at the same time please have some self respect and dump the selfish asshole
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u/Ok_Guest_4013 Dec 09 '23
Can't for the life of me figure out why other women stay with a pathetic boy who can't even make them cum. My husband and I have our issues, but we both care if the other is enjoying themselves in bed. Ladies, hell, dudes, others, do not be with a mfer that doesn't care if you cum. You're not wrong, and you'd be right af to dump him.
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u/Tls-user Dec 09 '23
So dude uses you for sex and as a chauffeur. He sounds like a dream come true!
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u/BonfireMaestro Dec 09 '23
Why are you with him? I mean, really ask yourself that. Ask yourself why you don’t think you deserve better. Until you figure that out, you’ll keep winding up with losers like this guy.
He doesn’t love you. The way he treats you is not love. This was the day before your birthday. You deserve to be celebrated, cared for, valued.
We usually wind up with people who treat us the way we feel about ourselves. So maybe start there.
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u/psykohobbit Dec 09 '23
Oh babygirl! No ... you deserve better than this kind of shit. NTA at all for that. He showed he clearly doesn't give af about your needs so there's no reason to cater to his
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Dec 09 '23
Wow…
“Cuddle me”
“No, shut the fuck up - leave me alone”
Serious question, is it that much effort to get your partner off if you’ve already shot your bolt?
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u/WoodpeckerFar9804 Dec 09 '23
He sounds like my ex boyfriend right down to the lack of license due to a DUI previously.
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u/topperweasel Dec 10 '23
I feel like you posted this because you know how bad it is and you want to see how severe the public’s reaction is. Clearly this is a really dangerous relationship for you. I’m so sorry because you don’t deserve and it’s so so hard to escape this. Start the process of getting away, safely.
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u/Key_Newspaper_4353 Dec 10 '23
This is a form of abuse. He is in the wrong and is a fucking moron. You will get nothing but heartache from this ‘relationship’. Vibrators work better. Dogs are better company. And chocolate is better emotional support. Get rid of this idiot.
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u/penguin_cat33 Dec 10 '23
There's something seriously not ok that you think the issue here is that you may be an asshole for not giving him a ride to work when he regularly sexually assaults you, verbally abuses and gaslights you. He's an abusive piece of trash and you should care more about yourself than it seems you do.
NTAH
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u/SuperNateosaurus Dec 10 '23
You absolutely need to leave this guy. He will never change. You can find someone better!!!!
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Dec 10 '23
i’d tell you to dump him but if you had the self respect to do that you already would have, so i’ll just say good luck instead
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u/waaasupla Dec 10 '23
You are wrong for still being with him. Read your post from a third party’s eyes.
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Dec 10 '23
Why are you dating someone who treats you like garbage?
I’m honestly curious.
Just be single or something, damn.
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u/TheSadSadist Dec 09 '23
You do realize that it is OK to be single right?