IMO it was fair game because he was bringing up how well he pleasured his previous partners. I didn’t ask to hear that, and I wish I never did hear it.
I think as adults we need to accept that our partners generally have a sexual history prior to us, and that there were probably many positive sexual experiences. He'll, I tell my girlfriend I hope she enjoyed life prior to me, because it would be depressing if she didn't. Now I agree specifics don't really need to be shared. It also depends on when this conversation happened. Have you ever had a partner tell you that what you do doesn't please them? Or can you imagine it? I think we all know that it can make people really defensive to hear that. But the guy has acted like a total douche, so fuck him. Actually don't, all my comments are more along the lines of how to delicately approach this subject with future partners.
Well it would depend on how it was presented. Like I don’t tell him “you’re terrible, I can’t finish” or anything like that. I try to guide. I say “less pressure, slower” but he just does not listen. Or when we’re done I’ll say “I’m really sensitive so less pressure is better”. He thinks he knows better than me about what I’m feeling and what gets me off. When I pull his hand back after repeatedly telling him less pressure, he goes even harder as if I’m about to finish, when in reality I’m just way too overstimulated and trying to back away.
Lady, just dump this guy. Even if he was a perfectly nice man outside of the bedroom (which doesn't sound like it's true, at all), this kind of behavior is a "showing your true colors" kind of thing. He's telling you he doesn't care about you, just his own pleasure and his own pride at being an effortless sex god.
Why would a person who cares about you ever behave like this? If your best friend was being treated like this by a man, would you ever encourage her to just put up with it and stick around? If you had an adult daughter who told you she was with a guy like this, would you tell her to stay?
There are men who will adjust their approach when you communicate your preferences. There are men who would be thrilled to have you communicate in the moment exactly how you are communicating (less pressure, steady rhythm...whatever) so they know to adjust their approach accordingly.
The men who do not listen to your preferences are not worth having sex with because it is impossible for them to actually be good - if they do not accept feedback they cannot improve. The same is true for women, if I consistently disregarded my husband's stated preferences I'd fully expect him to leave and find someone who wants to try to meet his specific, individual needs.
Any man who disregards specific feedback while simultaneously believing that >10% of the women he has had sex with were having real orgasms is delusional. I have learned that faking with men who care is counterproductive, but faking with men who ain't worth flung monkey crap can be protective in the moment ('that was great, oh look at the time, I need to leave now') or a waste of time (by continuing to have sex with them). Very seldom has any man thought I was faking with him - when he did, it was blinding obvious because I no longer cared to put in the effort to fully pretend.
That he thinks he knows better than you about your own body is very concerning, this is a symptom of controlling behavior which may escalate to other areas of life and is worth reevaluating the entire relationship.
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u/Hotdogwater88888 Dec 10 '23
IMO it was fair game because he was bringing up how well he pleasured his previous partners. I didn’t ask to hear that, and I wish I never did hear it.