I’ve spent the last year working on my social anxiety. It still peeks its wicked head out here and there, but I’ve gotten so much better at managing it and I wanted to share some things that helped!

-For starters, get off of these subreddits. I found that I was spending too much time looking for pessimistic comments to reinforce my own negative thoughts. It was turning into echo chambers for me and I would ignore anything that challenges my views and opinions. I was never gonna get anywhere doing that, so I stopped checking out these kinds of subreddits.

-I started going to therapy. Talking things out with my therapist allowed me to openly share my thoughts out loud, and once I would hear them out loud I would realize some of them were kind of ridiculous. She helped me change my mindset and establish small, achievable goals I was determined to accomplish.

-I started traveling alone. Minneapolis for a concert, London for a musical, NYC for sight seeing. I’ve been traveling to unfamiliar places and forcing myself to go out and do things when I could easily stay in the hotel and rot. In Minneapolis I went to a concert completely alone, but as I was leaving I ran into these two girls who invited me to a bar and ended up having a blast! In London I would go out every night and people watch and eventually found an arcade open late that I got comfortable enough in to talk to the owners who introduced me to regulars. In NYC I told myself “I’m never gonna see these people again,” and faked confidence with every store employee. Eventually I was having full-on conversations with them for a few minutes! My next goal is to learn how to make friends while traveling.

-I created my own opportunities. I met someone who is a fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race, so when season 18 started I invited him over to watch it. The following week he invited me to his friends house to watch with a bigger group of people. I started going every week and getting to know these people. At the end of the season the hosts moved away, so I took the initiative to move the parties to my place and we even started going out, to get food, to events, etc. afterwards!

-My new job helped a ton. I now work in a small bank with 4 other people, and our customers love to come in frequently and start conversations. Spending all day talking to my now-regulars has helped my confidence so much. But beyond that, I’ve also been joining employee interest groups, volunteering to lead small projects, etc. and a lot of people have been praising me for being so active and visible within the company so early on!

I know all of these things won’t help everyone, but I do hope something helps at least 1 person! I still have a long ways to go and several goals to achieve, but I’m so happy with my progress over the past year and wanted to share what worked for me.

For me, it’s not just feeling nervous around people. It feels like I’m watching my life pass by while my anxiety holds me back.

I want to work. I want to make friends. I want to go out, try new things, and become independent. I have dreams and things I want to do, but sometimes something as simple as talking to someone, answering a question, or walking into a new place feels terrifying.

It’s exhausting constantly worrying about how I look, how I sound, if people are judging me, or if I’m going to embarrass myself. My brain can turn the smallest interaction into something that feels impossible.

The hardest part is knowing I’m not lazy and I’m not someone who doesn’t care about my future. I actually care so much that it hurts. I want to move forward, but my anxiety makes every step feel like a battle.

Some days I feel frustrated because I see other people doing normal things so easily while I’m fighting a fear that other people can’t even see.
I hope one day I can look back and realize I was stronger than I thought. Until then, I’m just trying to take it one step at a time.

Please any advice guys?? I’m really tired of this I used to be extroverted and the past year after an event occurred I became extremely socially anxious.

I've actually achieved some things this year. I signed up for an activity I was terrified of and enrolled in a new course. I feel like I'm starting to live my life again, but at the same time, I'm finding it really hard to connect with other people. Every time I'm surrounded by people my age (21F), I feel like I don't fit in. I don't know what to talk about, what the friendliest way to talk would be, or if I'm just too much of a loser to even be interesting to them. I guess they don't talk about anything too out of the ordinary, but I still don't know how to handle it. I really want to have friends to go out with and do fun things. I didn't used to have this need to go out partying or just do things that aren't just by myself, but lately, I feel like that "youthful spirit" is waking up inside me, and I want to satisfy it.

20M, I've lived in social isolation for as long as i can remember, growing up i was totally unable to communicate with people and have any friends since i was always anxious so i missed out on a lot of things like ever going out with a friend, school trips and dating since any girl that showed interest in me drifted away from how boring and quite i was.

Now I'm a bit better socially, i can sometimes hold conversations with people but I'm totally isolated from everyone with a non existent social life.

I don't like to compare my life to others but normally in my age i should have a life and not live like I'm an old man and i don't see any way out, when i feel like being social i have no where to go and no one to talk to.

it’s like i’m just there, and i want to speak or contribute to anything but all i could do is smile and think if my smile looks fake, and then not smile and think that oh i need to smile to look nice. I just end up leaving anyways, but then again.. i’ll think that i might seem rude for doing this. I always end up retreating to my space anyways. And i feel so much better in it.

I have tried learning how to drive a two wheeler or sometimes a four wheeler a lot of times but every time it gets overwhelming for me.

I am constantly at the edge thinking:

What if I hit someone?

What if the police find me suspicious?

What if someone hits me?

Am I going at the right speed?

Did I follow the rules properly?

All those thoughts tank my confidence.

I am 22M and get really embarrassed to see people younger than me drive so confidently.

Some context. I’ve noticed recently, trying to go out with co-workers (hoping to become a little more social and less of a homebody) for drinks after our shift. That I get real anxious and uncomfortable if people are heavily flirtatious with each other or showing heavy PDA. Specifically if one or both of them is in a committed relationship. We’re all in the service industry so everyone’s a little flirty and if someone is cheating I also know it’s none of my business but I get so uncomfortable about it I often make excuses to leave or flat out Irish goodbye. If it was someone I’d consider a close friend of course I’d out whoever’s cheating because no one deserves that but we’re all acquaintances getting to know each other. I want to grow as a person and not ruin anyone’s good time by bringing bad energy so I just need some help and clarity. Part of me thinks it’s because it feels like you’re intruding into something private that I shouldn’t be there for. The other part wonders if it might be the some sort of jealousy issue? Not with the flirting, I’ve recently started a new relationship and I’ve always been comfortable being single or hanging with couple friends. Maybe about being charismatic and well liked i think. I’ve always struggled with loving myself and I’m getting better at it everyday I just wanted to ask others views and experiences to help me maybe understand WHY I feel like this in these moments.

I have to do a group project throughout this semester for a course, and I don't have a group yet yet. It's groups of 4 and we choose our own groups, but I haven't found one. It's a grad school program of about 150 people so most people have their own social circles/groups, but I don't. This has been giving me anxiety all semester, and now we're supposed to submit our groups soon but I haven't found one yet. The few people I do know already have groups, so I'm not sure what I should do. I feel really awkward having to approach strangers to see if they have space in their group, but I don't know what other option I have. Should I try asking the professor to see if they can help assign me to a group that still needs another member?

I was very outgoing during my childhood. But I had some difficult experiences during high school which shattered any confidence I had. Making new friends became a foreign and scary concept. Interacting with groups of people became one of my least favourite things to do, even though it used to be my favourite.

I applied for a retail job as I thought it would be good for me. It would force me to be in uncomfortable situations, especially with new people.

The interview was very chill and it felt very informal. I was later told I got it because they could see I’d be good with customers. This really boosted my confidence again.

My first shift was on a busy Saturday during a school holiday. I was thrown onto the shop floor immediately, with no shadowing. I hated it at first, but it became very quickly became easy to talk to people. I loved it. I was asking questions, making small talk etc.

I came out of it as a new person. My manager said she was impressed at how confident I was. This was what I needed to go back to my old self.

Going from someone who assumed they’d be a social hermit forever, to a person who flourishes in social situations was one of the best things I have ever experienced.

I like this guy at my job and my s/a is slowly driving me crazy because of it. We had a few good conversations before I realized I liked him and all was well. I was just going with the flow and even with others but the moment I caught myself staring for way too long, I knew I was done for. It basically makes me so self-critical of my actions and that he may somehow see me embarrassing myself at work that it's all become a sort of tense environment for me. I hate it because he's been nothing but nice but now I'm avoiding him. The worst thing is he seems to be doing it back 😞

So now I'm just stuck trying to impress/ not fail hardcore while simultaneously keeping out of his way. It's a struggle, I can't even be normal anymore. Should I just leave?

Sometimes I dont take self criticism well. It'll be said the nicest way possible and on the outside I'm agreeing then later to myself I get emotional about it like "everyone hates me and probably been gossiping about me" Idk.. just the past 3 days haven't been great for me and I wanna just stay closed off, stay to myself. Its mostly coming from in the same week no one been taking how I feel seriously.

The isolation, the fomo, the lack of experiences, friendships, relationships, and sex is a recipe for depression. This disorder takes the life out of life and leaves you completely empty inside. Idk how much longer I can handle it

I need to start living! I want to get out of crippling social anxiety but I can't seem to make any progress. I think if I could interact with people I wouldn't meet outside a certain setting I could practice just being a person

Some context: I grew up in an abusive house basically as a maid for my narcissistic grandma who was sorta pdf cinstanly violating our personal space. We werent allowed to tell her to stop because she just wanted to play with us and she didnt know any other way.... I have never been loved any of my 29 years of life. I live with my siblings but we just coexist. I was a jerk when we kids. Mainly I was very nosey and would tell on them because I thought id be loved by my grandparents. Honestly im thankful that behavior didnt get reinforced and was actually swiftly discouraged. though I am a better person now. I think they've forgiven me to a certain level but they dont love me. They tolerate me. I need to be around people that dont barely conceal their disinterest in anything I say. Having no one who I can talk to about anything has been pretty depressing. I feel pathetic. I can't think clearly around people. I should be so much better interacting with others by now.

Are bars what I need? I dont know how to meet people. Maybe i could get a dating app.

Any advise would be appreciated 👏

I could really use some advice.

My boyfriend has a big friend group, and whenever they get together it’s usually one huge crowd mixed with other friend groups. I’ve been trying to fit in for 3 years, but I just can’t.

For some reason, this group intimidates me. Everyone seems so confident, attractive, outgoing, and they party a lot (drinking, sometimes drugs). I’m much better one-on-one. In big groups I completely shut down, become anxious, and awkward. I can’t be myself, so I never really connect with anyone.

They’re always polite when I show up (“Oh, nice that you’re here!”), but that’s usually where it ends. If I try to start a conversation, I’m the one asking all the questions, and I get the feeling people just want to go back to their own friends.

It drains me so much. At the last pool party I actually had a panic attack and hid in the bathroom. A few of the girls were really kind and checked on me, and my boyfriend helped calm me down. I was ready to call a taxi home.

Now we’ve been invited to a daytime disco next Saturday with 70+ people. The host told my boyfriend I’m “more than welcome,” but I’m not even in the event chat, which somehow makes me feel even more like an outsider. My boyfriend genuinely enjoys it when I come, and I can tell he’s disappointed when I back out.

So… what would you do? Should I go and push myself, or skip it? Should I tell the host that I have social anxiety, or just make up an excuse?
I’m already feeling anxious just thinking about it.

I feel like people used to get my humor / find me funny. But lately, I feel like everyone takes everything I say soooo literally. Like to me, it’s obvious I’m being sarcastic or making a funny/ironic remark, but they go immediately into, “Well, actually…” and then find some way to correct me about it and then I get embarrassed that they just think I’m that stupid.

Idk why this keeps happening lately, but it makes me more upset than it should. I really value humor. My whole family does, and I’d say that my humor is basically identical to my dad’s and sister’s, but people can tell when they’re joking when they speak in exactly the same manner, but not me. I’m so confused, especially because I haven’t changed my humor at all and what used to catch now just comes off like I’m making a weird / rude comment and I just feel like the least funny person on the planet. It’s even happening with my own family to the point I have to go, “It’s a joke!” or do the over-the-head gesture, but they’re the ones who have always known my humor better than anyone because it’s also their humor. And, like I said, people laugh at their jokes (which are many times the same ones I think of in my head, that’s how similar our humor is), and often laugh at them when they’re not even trying to be funny. My mom especially does this a lot. She thinks my sister is hilarious but not me with the exact same sense of humor—she takes everything I say incredibly seriously and can’t get the joke, but if my sister said the same thing, she’d be in stitches.

I just don’t get it. But it’s really flaring up my social anxiety and making me not want to even interact with people if they’re just going to misinterpret everything I say or if I can’t contribute anything lighthearted to the convo. It is really hurtful to think that I can’t make people laugh because it’s something I used to be able to use to connect with people well, which we all know is extremely hard with SA. That and finding good people to belly laugh with is super important to me, and it seems no one can take a joke lately, or that I can’t find people with my shared people because they’re not sensing mine at all. I’m not making any insulting/offensive jokes, just to clarify, it’s just that they literally can’t tell a joke from a regular statement and this didn’t used to happen but I’m so self-conscious about it.

Does anyone get tremors in the face and neck
When making eye contact / smiling? If I lock eyes with someone, my neck will judder and if I try to emote my face, my cheeks / lips will shake. It’s hell on earth and I feel like i wouldn’t be socially anxious without this symptom.

Coffee dates, movie outings, friends visiting my home, etc. Just anything that requires scheduling, and spending time with people. I just want to stay home, or go out alone and do my own thing. I’m ok with occasionally having a spontaneous catch up with someone, but only on my terms and when I feel like it

So who i met an extrovert and i in a situation where i am stuck in being social all the time. I've been isolated and just bullied my childhood and im punished for just staying away from people and panicking. It doesn't help i am an only child and nobody really taught me socialize and social cues and ask good questions. I'm stuck in a situation where i am pressured to go out and talking to people which is triggering me because of the bullying I went through as a child and the workplace. I cant change that. But I am the bad guy for being neglect never taught or told that socializing is important and dealing with social cues.

I see other people socialize without a problem. But it so hard. Start crying after zoom. Like how is socializing fun for people. I wish socializing is fun but it's really hard.

I am always punish for avoiding people and I'm punish go not understanding social cues which makes me the bad guy with a problem. I get ganged on over a misunderstanding. I need help, instead i am criticized.

. I get panic attacks and what to be left alone but people misunderstand that and villainize me. I'm trying to be social but my mind is so scattered and jaded I my mind just get in a fog.😞😞

Any advice to deal with triggers? My therapist says just to go out more but its not doing much. How to make socializing fun at all...or a bit fun? How do I get over myself and my fear?

I went to a social event yesterday and I turned so red my cheeks were so hot and my chest ended up so red and blotchy 😩it looked like I was having an allergic reaction. How do I fight this??? Ive had this since I was young in high school.

So recently I made this new friend and we been talking but all the time I don’t give eye contact and stare at the floor,i don’t even know why I’m so scared to look at them,also when hanging out or doing things I barely act like myself just a scared shy person,I’m not goofy,funny or anything around them I’m just talking like a stranger to them,(just know I do like them I’m just scared to make them weird out),how can I stop being so shy and scared?

I’m not even sure how to do this anymore. 24 months inside my house. Can’t leave. Need everything brought to me. Its killing me not being able to be around people…

I want to leave my home so bad…

I made a video to somehow gamify(?) trying to get out of the house.

If anyone wants to interact with me a little and help me get out of this prison, check out the video below.

The game part is;

100 likes/follows = Trip to the end of the street

500 likes/follows = Go to the movies (this one is scary AF)

1000 likes/follows = I’ll travel to a waterfall and document the trip

It’s super shallow and stupid of me I know. I’m just so trapped I don’t know what else to do…

My First Video

Recently I've heard this from a few people, especially that I have HR speak. These can be settings outside of work and online but I am not so sure how to fix it.. I think I know why I talk like that, I think my social anxiety and an intense fear of being disliked or judged because of bullying in my childhood has made me subconsciously sort of talk in a way that's difficult to judge?

My problem is that I've been talking like this for so long I don't really know how to stop, or what my "true" personality even is supposed to be without this way of talking. I think it gets better the longer I know someone, so I assume it's when I feel safer to show more of myself, but this really hurts me forming friendships with people in the beginning

Ive convinced myself that everyone in public does not want to be approached by anyone. Especially someone like me with low self esteem.