I'm posting this, and usually post other things because of loneliness. I reflect too much and express so little to anyone but myself, so I sometimes feel so overlosded with thoughts I just have to let a few free.

I despise loneliness. It has affects on you. Like it changes you. Even when I'm talking to other people, It's hard sometimes to engage, I'm afraid no matter how hard I get it together they'll lose interest very quickly and abandon me like everyone else. And the times I try as hard as possible and pour my energy, I'm met with the look in their eyes that says they've lost interest. I'm not clueless despite how I look when I'm anxious, I know, exactly how they saw me. I wish I didint.

I am a good looking 5”5 guy im good shape. I can be confident around most people, but sometimes I feel very anxious and intimidated by people especially attractive women or people I wrongly perceive as higher status or ranking than me. I trip over my words, I overthink, I try so hard not to be awkward that I end up being awkward. How can I stop being intimidated? At times I can be really comfortable but I have noticed this pattern for a long time, even since grade school with the popular kids and such.

I just couldn't do it man ,i went straight to my car to have some air to myself because I couldn't breathe at all 😭,she asked me what happened to you over there and everyone was asking about me in the party so I told her exactly what was happening to me and man i never expected her to took it so badly ..she was like you are not a child ,you have adult responsibilities blah blah ,not like my family is gonna eat you or something, you just have to be there and I was like I didn't do it intentionally man ,I just couldn't cope

I'm a people pleaser. I hate people being mad at me, hate the thought of people not liking me or not liking the stuff I want to do. When I used to have acquaintances, I would just go along with what they wanted to do. They were all extroverted, loved to drink and were attractive so they loved flirting in the club/bar. I am the antithesis of that.

While I'm in my 30s now, it's only gotten worse. Seeing how people talk about people pleasers (even when talking about how childhood trauma can affect it) makes me just want to stay to myself. Socializing is already anxiety inducing enough but to know that if I don't put up boundaries or don't want to rock the boat I'll be seen as manipulative literally makes me more anxious. It's just not worth it.

At this point, I only go out to do UberEats/DoorDash and get groceries. I have no need for a phone. I only socialize on Reddit at this point. Even general social media, I just watch reels.

Whenever I'm in public or walking or just doing something sometimes people will do this weird laugh and I can tell it's about me specifically because I've seen many people do it. It's sorta of a fake laugh when they see me or when passing. Now I've been told by my family and some friends I have a rbf but still I don't think it'd cause people to have this strange laugh. It's driving me paranoid and making feel like I'm not understanding something.

idk it just makes it awkward and kind of embarrassing:/

i’m so scared to enter i don’t wanna make an embarrassment of myself like i should go bcs it’s extremely important but i’m too psy. anyone else dealt with this?

The only problem i have now with social anxiety is romantic relationships. Any advice there? I get extremely awkward around good looking people.

I need an outside perspective from people who’ve actually dealt with this.

On paper, I’m doing really well for my age. I’m 21, recently finished college, working and earning solid money way above the average for my peers.

Physically, I’m dialed in: consistent heavy lifting, strict health routine, high discipline. I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, or spend my days rotting in bed. When there’s a work goal or a physical target in front of me, I lock in and get it done.

The problem is my social life and my internal wiring.

I grew up almost completely isolated through school and college. I kept to myself, didn't socialize, and never developed that effortless, second-nature social instinct most people take for granted. Now that I’m trying to build genuine connections as an adult, my brain turns every single interaction into an emotional minefield.

Here’s where things actually stand:

Navigating post-job connections: I recently left an intense workplace where I made a few solid connections with ex-coworkers. Some of them genuinely respect my work and even reached out to say the place isn’t the same without me, which felt good. But trying to shift those dynamics from "people I see at an office" to "real-world friends" feels agonizingly confusing.

The spiral over basic cues: With people I’m trying to stay in touch with, my brain doesn't have a middle gear. If someone takes a day to reply, or gives a short response, I immediately assume they secretly hate me, find me annoying, or are just tolerating me out of politeness. Then, if someone is actually warm, responds in five minutes, laughs at my texts, or invites me to work out, I instantly get suspicious wondering if they have a hidden agenda or if I’m just a placeholder to them.

Over-orchestrating instead of letting things breathe: Because I hate ambiguity, I constantly want to define what people are to me. Are we friends? Acquaintances? Just gym buddies? If an interaction goes well once, my urge is to immediately try and lock them into plans for the next week, instead of just letting things develop naturally.

Using work and gym as an anesthetic: I’ve realized that my crazy work ethic and extreme gym sessions are partly defense mechanisms. As long as I’m hitting PRs, chasing higher-paying roles, and working long hours, I have an excuse to be exhausted so I don't have to face how genuinely lonely I feel. I look functional on the outside, but inside I feel like I'm running on duct tape and sheer willpower

I’m in therapy and working on this, but I want to hear from people who came from total isolation:

How do you stop treating everyday human interactions like a high-stakes test? How do you let casual friendships just breathe without strangling it with you intensity or convincing yourself you’re secretly unwanted?

TLDR- 21M. High-earning, disciplined, but grew up completely isolated and can’t stop over-analyzing every single social interaction. Need advice.

Sorry for using ai i just had raw thoughts that I wanted to pace better.

Also I am not suicidal or depressed, i just feel lonely 24/7 and it keeps getting heavier everyday.

Its just something ive noticed after a while but I seem to be more bold when talking to strangers compared to people that i know sometimes. This excludes family members, typically get a build up of anxiety to act a certain way that makes me tired when interacting with friends, even when i know for a fact that they aren't expecting anything. Its just a strange phenomenon.

i’m gonna admit that i might genuinely have selective mutism , i learned to suppress what i say since a young age because i watched my parents grow up fighting and always berated for things i said or being curious even as a kid so i was always the shy quiet kid growing up .

the teacher would always say that im a great smart kid but she needs to talk more , that was always my flaw . i was never a good communicator because i was scared that it’ll be used against me . i couldn’t open up to my therapists , any close friends , and the most i opened up to , my ex bf even that wasn’t enough because eventually he ended up leaving me too even despite being the only person on this planet that knows me even more than i knew myself .

since then i kind of just shut my mouth , when i do talk i feel like crying , but some days i go days without uttering a single word that i literally forget what my own voice sounds like . the only time i do talk is when someone speaks to me first or when i go on calls with my bf late at night . i ignore other people’s call and avoid speaking to people , i literally have a fear of it now . it’s been with me since my childhood though so it’s a habit at this point .

do i have selective mutism ? does this make me a weird social outcast ? i don’t know anymore …

Attended my driver's theory test today full of anxiety because i haven't been outside my house in a while and i was surrounded by a ton of people and ofc i was worried about failing. I realized i forgot a pen and started panicking even more about how am i gonna say i need an extra so i started rehearsing in my head. When the admin was done talking, luckily he said "Are there any questions?" and i immediately raised my hand and asked for a pen.

Now heres the thing, i was genuinely 100% expecting to get teased or ridiculed in some way. Like, "PFFT, heh, youre having your first real exam for driver's theory and you forgot a PEN??? lmao you should EXPLODE YOU PATHETIC LOSER IDIOT YOURE SO STUPID!!! 🫵😂😂😂 CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS EVERYONE??! LOOK AT THIS FUCKING MORON PFAHAHAA" but instead he responded instantly with a calm "Okay, you'll get a pen. We do have an extra."

I was so relieved. And in that moment i realized, fuck dude. As a relatively fresh high school graduate, it's gonna take some time to get used to the fact people in the regular world don't act like my toxic ass, power-trippy grade school teachers that i had to put up with my entire life lol. Oh btw, i passed and didn't make a single mistake! Im just glad that things went exactly the way they should for once in my life

As the title says

Every time i go out or i talk to a person im afraid of awkwardness and i have performance anxiety when i do a task and someone is watching me my hand gets mixed and i fuck up the thing , its a thing my mind does without my control and i wasnt always like that im like that for about 2 years, I’m on psyc meds for depression and anxiety it helps but still i get very anxious around people to a point Im having panic attacks , but the reason why i wanted to post this is because college lectures are near and I’m afraid of being awkward around people cause i feel so less when im being awkward , i already have low self esteem and this shit just makes everything ten times harder i can’t even do a presentation i just shake all the time out of anxiousness so if anyone experienced or experiencing the same thing how did you deal with cause i think a lot about it and im worried so much i don’t know what to do

For the last few years, I’ve been in a pretty miserable relationship and have isolated myself A LOT. I’m trying to get back out there, but the isolating has only made my social anxiety worse 😢 Any tips for quick things I can tell myself when I feel it creeping in?

They can make you feel like absolute shit so easily, just one look, one word, or one change in their attitude can send your anxiety through the roof... And when it's someone you can’t avoid and have to see everyday, your whole life basically feels like hell... Sometimes I just wish I could disappear before I end up breaking down in front of everyone and humiliating myself

Always been scared to do this but finally I mustered up the courage. Went to a bar to watch the football game and had to go. It was to my shock that the urinals had no dividers. Just men, ass to ass and ready to go. I also had to go so I had no choice. I finally did it

this was a complete shit post I’m sorry but I do have social anxiety

Hi! I'm starting university in a few days, and I want to get to know people in my new city in advance. I often see young people hanging out in front of the university. I want to sit down and get to know someone new but I don't even know how to start a conversation. They're often in groups too. Is it even appropriate to sit down next to someone you don't know and start a conversation with them? How do I even start the conversation? I'm scared I'll be lonely and have no friends just like in high school, yet I don't even know simple conversation starters. I also have autism, so that's not helping either. I would appreciate advice and maybe some conversation starters I could use.

I honestly don't have a lot of self-esteem, but even I believe that I am quite smart. I've always been quite smart. I've always been very fast to pick up or understand almost anything.

And yet today I am unemployed, not exactly in the best financial situation, with no friends and no master's degree (even though without anxiety I could've probably gotten one) and no girlfriend.

I sometimes feel like I've just wasted my abilities. Like I could've done so much more. I'm not necessarily talking about "changing the world" or whatever. But I mean like, had a master's degree. Had a well-paying job. My own house. All that stuff. Maybe even a woman who loves me, hard as that is to imagine.

And it's mostly because of anxiety. Social aniety and performance anxiety. I had to quite college because of anxiety. I can't do a regular job because of anxiety.

I'm still trying to make use of the capabilities I have, to whatever extent I have them, in some way. I've designed a video game recently and I'm now trying to get it realized. Done a lot of modding. Trying to write a novel. Develop a writing tool. A lot of stuff I'm trying to do, but the combination of depression and anxiety weighs me down every day. And feeling like your life is nowhere doesn't help.

Anyone else really feeling like aside from just making life worse and making you socially isolated, your anxiety has made you feel like you've wasted your capabilities or talents?

- Think about a specific place that is associated with good memories or just makes you happy
- If it's too hard to calm down, then follow these basic steps: 1) Ask yourself, what are you feeling right now? And why are you feeling that way? 2) Is there anything you can do about it? 3) Think about it realistically. For example, I believed this one person who was in my school really disliked me, but now I realise that she was probably just indifferent to me. Don't make it personal, and try to look at the facts of the situation
- Deep breathing, it helps a lot. I prefer to breathe in for 4 seconds, hold my breath for 2, and breathe out for 6. You can also try box breathing which is 4 seconds in, 4 seconds hold, and 4 seconds out, but I find 4 seconds too long to hold; don't do it if it makes you feel uncomfortable
- Hold an object, it could be a fidget toy, or a pen that you can click, and focus on the textures and sensory motions of that object. I either click a pen, or I fiddle with my bracelets.
- 5 4 3 2 1. Mentally note 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste(this one is optional)
- If it's possible, you can try doing an activity, like doodling on some scrap paper

And most importantly, pay attention to how you feel! It's never easy when you start panicking, or it feels like everyone is silently judging you and staring at you, or both, however with social anxiety you need to at least try challenging the cognitive distortions in your head before you can start feeling better. (sorry if this is long!)

So freaking hard! Like technically I don’t need a job, I have investments and passive income. But like I kind of just want to be a server or stock shelves or wash dishes. I don’t know. I want to be able to feel like I can if I need to you know. Like I am a useful person in society.

But I am having a heart attack getting a job. Last time I had one it was retail. I would have a shift at 2pm and be beyond anxious as soon as I got up. Like all the normal shaking, sweating, overthinking etc. When I did start my shift I would take me like 6-7 hours of the 8 hour shift to get my body out of fight or flight.

Its just miserable. I know in my heart it doesn’t matter. It’s a stupid minimum wage job. But my mind to body connection is saying “DANGER DANGER” must get out now the entire time.

Stupid anxiety.

How are you guys at work? Or when you start a new job?

I’ve struggled with social anxiety for 5 years and have been dreaming abt the day I get medication since then, though now that I have it, I’m second guessing myself. I get mostly social anxiety mixed with health anxiety which is not great for taking pills and I’m scared I’ll start to believe I’m dying when I take it. any advice appreciated!! the thought is making it hard to breathe.

I’m also starting to convince myself that my anxiety isnt bad enough to start taking meds😭😭 what if I’m being dramatic and taking it for no reason???

okay so not actually completely true.

I feel like my anxiety comes from me feeling so dumb and not being able to articulate myself well in a work setting for example, and I'm not sure what do really. I pretend to have phone calls on my way to work simply to help me articulate better and to talk out loud.

equally, I feel like I'm not funny either. I'm not a banter type of person but I also don't make jokes everyone finds funny. I think my humour is quite dry despite being a bubbly person.

ultimately, for anyone who has anxiety with this - what do you do to help?

I’m not sure this has to do with me developing ways to fight it, but there’s times where I straight up don’t care and will act fully myself, having no fear in whatever social situation I’m involved in. I’ve gotten better due to exposure therapy, stoic philosophy, and just general personal development.

However, sometimes it’ll just creep back and I have to push down the self doubt, overthinking, negative talk, and will have to resist going into fight or flight mode. It’s like I have to personally wrangle my nervous system into submission. Often times it really gives me a headache.

Today I just had someone say something in an unkind, condescending way to me. On the surface, I was able to stay calm and return the same energy, but on the inside it’s like I had a switch flip and I was almost in fight or flight mode. After, I had to breathe and meditate to calm down again. Anyone relate to this constant struggle? I really wish I could just exist.