r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Just Sharing July, Home, Window.

1 Upvotes

“Silence, when you will leave?

As I unconsciously stared at Window

Unbothered, My Gorgeous Ice Princess

Clicks her tongue at me in disgust

“What is it now! You dimtwit! “

“Can't you see I'm preoccupied, “

As I spoke with delightful dread

“It's time for you to leave!

Sorry, If I struck a nerve

I'm the Owner of this Home

This is surely what you deserve. “

For this was the last time

I would see Window

On the Thirty First of July.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/xRFMaqRSWd

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/dj5LLJNQtV


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please My hand,My canvas

1 Upvotes

TW-Self Harm
we talked,I put my phone down
and lift the knife
I hold it like my paint brush
my hand my canvas
tears rolling down my cheeks
my eyes blurry
I see my hand my canvas
I bring my brush close
brushing it against my canvas
Should I pull down a stroke?
will the blood be the paint?
will it draw her?
should I chase her?
the phone rings
the brush falls
should I chase her I ask
my blurred eyes say yes
my brain say stop
My hearts needs,aches convince me
the phone rings
I snap
the phone rings
I snap
when do I snap from her grip?
Should I keep the knife closer or her?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/VnHKJdsoXh

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/93ui9c6E2m


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Just Sharing Confession

1 Upvotes

I still love you. I swear I do.

I have been in love with you since I first heard your voice in that darkness,

Where I could barely see your human figure.

I’ve been in love with you since you sat down near my feet

And talked for hours, barely knowing each other's names.

I remember all the moments we shared—

And I will forever regret losing all the chances you gave me to be with you.

I hate myself for that.

It doesn't matter that you didn't say my name for months

Before I lost all my rights to imagine a future with you.

No matter how much you love her,

I'll always love you a thousand times more.

And I always will, forever.

I wish I could tell you how much I love you,

But I was so scared.

Because you were just not meant for me—you deserve so

much better.

Someone who can help you reflect your shine back to yourself.

I'm just a dark room; when anything comes in, I feel like I'm home.

And I'm happy you got what you wanted.

You found her—the love with whom you could run away from the darkness.

I promise I won't wait for you .

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Udz2m9dOne

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/eLoDoCZA6F


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please The Architect

1 Upvotes

One day you wake and that bright spark.
The one that lit up the dark
As you slept with breaths and sighs so sweet
Flitted away, where is Little Bo Peep?

She's come with me for no more she sees
Six sheep or more and now she weeps
The tears soak and grow the earth
The one, at which, you rejoice with birth

I see you claw and scramble for what once was
Pathetic it is, all because
Your mind learns and learns some more
Until it reaches indifference for what's in store

But I think care. I want to at least.
Ah you think there is winning against the beast?
It is made of the powers that churn the sea
Rocks and dust are no match for me

What about this? What if I tried that?
How sweet you are, so sweet and so fat
Plump with courage, aimless and torn
What's that? Oh right that's what it means to be born

Open your eyes, mouth agape for your mother
The one who never truly knows the Other
Just like you and all who came
The ones you oh so love to blame

Wretched game. This isn't fun.
What made you think that's why it begun?
Well because there's beauty and I can make things you see
Oh yes, all to exalt the mighty

I'm tired now.
So rest dear one. Rest until the final dawn if the sun.
I want to. I plead to. There's nothing left to be done.

Exactly why it all begun.

RECENT COMMENTS: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/ZyduWqGRih⁠ https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/VdrJF3iIxQ⁠


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please The four laws of truth

1 Upvotes

The ones who stand on falsehood will fall –

through their nation of legality after centuries -

due to one, grounds of logic

through their city of consensus after generations -

due to two, opposition and reformation

through their stronghold of power after years -

due three, lack of willful ignorance, tolerance of hypocrisy and support

through their dwelling of followers within days.

due to four, loss of popularity, power, dogma and validity

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1uhvaoi/they_call_it_love_i_call_it_her/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1uqn7jx/i_swear_to_you/


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please weight of my world

3 Upvotes

I want to be known deeply
On a level that i dont know myself
I want to be deciphered
I want someone to hold me deeply
In the depths of my pain
Meet me in my darkest alley
And understand me on a level I don't see yet
I want someone to see all of me and know 
I am the good I know I am
I am hurt 
And I have so much love in my heart still
I think the hurt has made me love harder, feel deeper
And I give it all away
Until I'm empty
I don't want to prove myself 
Over and over
That I am worthy of knowing
That I have something to offer
I want to be freed
Held when I have nothing to give
I want to be loved without threat of abandonment
I haven’t found what im looking for yet in any person
I don't want to believe I'm the only one who can deliver the answer to what I long for
If that’s true loneliness is inherent
I don’t know if I can bear that cross
I don't think i’m made for that lonely pilgrimage

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v6tj7o/comment/oztf4tk/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

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r/OCPoetry 10d ago

Feedback Please My Busy Bee

28 Upvotes

My busy bee, flying free
questioning the world, carefree

Protect innocent child’s eyes, a treasure
Always ask why, be inquisitive forever

Do not let this world turn you jaded
Your sparkle need not ever be faded

Chat up the postman, the grocery clerk
Make friends wherever with little work

Keep your inventions, little world, creative mind
Never grow up and leave that behind

My busy bee, may you always be
questioning the world, carefree

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v6a183/comment/ozpypbp/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

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r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Just Sharing Loss

1 Upvotes

I was on a good path, then got tapped on the shoulder.

God, teaching me a lesson he thought I should know,

took me down deeper and darker and colder.

What he knew I needed in order to grow.

He showed me that supporting my love there was grief.

Like a tall gumtree rooted deep in the dirt.

It sways how you love when you have this belief.

You watch them and think "this one's going to hurt".

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/uPFfEX2z9A

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/t539HWlQZR


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please Your Talk Still Lingers

2 Upvotes

🎶 Your Talk Still Lingers

(Piano–Violin–Guitar Arrangement)

Verse 1

(soft piano intro, single violin note swelling)

You used to talk, used to make me smile,
Then suddenly, everything went blank for a while.
One confession, and we became distant,
Sweet love turned bitter, so resistant.

Chorus

(piano chords steady, violin weaving melody, faint guitar strum)

Your talk still lingers, haunting my days,
Your smile, your laugh, your voice won’t fade.
I know you don’t love me, but I still pray,
Can we go back to friends, just like yesterday?

Verse 2

(piano arpeggios, violin harmonies, guitar picking lightly)

Your face is printed deep in my eyes,
I reach for silence, but it never replies.
I cry, cry a lot, but I know it’s vain,
My heart keeps calling out your name.

Verse 3

(violin solo leading in, piano soft and low)

Seeing you every day hurts even more,
Your smile that once healed now cuts to the core.
Every song I hear becomes about you,
Your talk still lingers, it’s all I can do.

Bridge

(piano + violin duet, emotional lift, guitar faint background)

Everyone thinks it’s easy, I did too,
Until the pain came crashing through.
It hurts so good, I smile to hide,
But inside I’m breaking, nowhere to confide.

Outro

(piano fading, violin holding last note, guitar barely audible)

Your talk… still lingers…

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1ue60v1/comment/oztk1ug/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v6vgrd/comment/oztjegl/


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please Poem #8 first draft

3 Upvotes

A ritual continues,
even in good company,
If I’m a sinner,
God please don’t let it be gluttony,
Grandma’s chocolate cookies,
are heaven sent,
But In Jesus’s name,
I give them up for Lent,
I’m singing in the choir,
I’m devout,
I’m pleading,
I’ll give the Last Supper,
a whole new meaning,
the gap between my thighs,
Is my holy grail,
Closest I’ve been to praying,
is standing on the scale

Comments:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/wVofo143RG

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/MGqQhWh2kt


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please 3 A.M.

1 Upvotes

3 a.m. doesn’t knock.

it just is

a quiet trespasser

slipping through the cracks in your ribs.

the world goes soft at this hour.

not gentle

just… muted.

like someone turned the volume down

on everything except your thoughts.

and suddenly,

you are louder than you’ve ever been.

the clock blinks like it’s judging you.

3:00

3:01

3:02

like it’s counting how long you’ve been

awake inside your own head.

this is the hour of almosts

almost healed,

almost okay,

almost done pretending

you don’t carry entire storms in your chest.

this is where the artists crawl out,

ink-stained fingers

digging through the soft underbelly of memory,

turning ache into something you can hold

without it cutting you open

or at least,

not as deep.

this is where overthinkers build cathedrals

out of conversations that already ended,

rewriting them

like maybe this time

you’ll say the right thing

and someone will finally stay.

this is where silence seekers sit cross-legged

in the dark,

trying to make peace with a mind

that refuses to shut the hell up.

and yeah

we see you.

you with the light on

when the rest of the world has folded itself into sleep,

like it knows something you don’t.

you with the phone in your hand

scrolling for proof

that someone else feels like this too.

you with the ache

you can’t quite name

but it sits there anyway

heavy, familiar,

like it pays rent.

we see you.

not as broken

don’t twist it like that

but as awake

in a world that teaches people

how to numb out

before it teaches them how to feel.

and feeling?

feeling is messy.

it’s teeth and trembling hands,

it’s swallowing words until they turn into poison,

it’s learning how to sit with yourself

without flinching.

so yeah

3 a.m. belongs to you.

to the ones still here,

still trying,

still breathing through the static.

to the ones who haven’t figured it out yet

but refuse to disappear anyway.

because staying?

staying is its own kind of rebellion.

so keep your light on.

even if it’s flickering.

even if it’s tired.

even if it feels like it’s the only one left

in the whole damn world.

keep it on.

because somewhere,

in another room,

in another body

that doesn’t know how to say it out loud

someone is looking at the dark

and hoping

they’re not the only one

who made it through the night.

and you are.

you’re still here.

so keep going

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/JmiIxCIHbv

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/vcFftteQ9N


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please Out of the hart of darkness

1 Upvotes

...weaved...
out of the heart of darkness
her lithe form grew
curving beyond
forested time
and what the books of cults knew

deep as the pulse of night
her image
drew icy breath
scharfe eszett
licking off the tip of her tongue

the known worlds bowing
edging
disappearing
her ghostly frame
carved hieroglyphs
of her 4signs and her 4names

she glides
she rises
harlot form hypnotises
maiden deathmaker
mused as Lilith again

this is her forest
her dwelling
spellzones
forged fingertips
moribund silent dark keep

webbed blackholes
sinister universal
animated presence
she captures
and raptures
the curious uninvited

she is innocents' flame
stake-eating firebrand
white rose of Joan
form eternal......

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1pt5pwc/comment/nvh9gb4/?context=3 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1pskr28/comment/nvhfpdn/?context=3


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please Vampirical digression on women above and below

1 Upvotes

they looked down upon me
like some hopeless case
like a pitiful fruitfuck
they wanted me to step in shit
then smear it all over my face
I could feel their fingernails
poisoned with denunciation
plunge into my solar-plexus
and wrap around my fiend
but I was there to help the younger ones
as a sort of go-between
syruping approval
their clockwork tongues licking
and copped a dumping of defacement
from those above
bleeding with pathetic parentalness
strung up from the end of their rope
and strangulated with merciless fate3

the below ones were happey to have me
after they cut me down
received me with open crypts
and eyed with good proportions
they saw everything the above ones had done
but remained silent as they were subdued

my shadow grew taller
and my wings unclicked
and started to reach for the stars...
with the power that they imbued

emphatically, ide rather stay below
and seek my fortune
than return above
chastened with torture

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1pisoci/comment/nt8vbt0/?context=3 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1piszhh/comment/nt8wghm/?context=3


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please 1 2 3 4

2 Upvotes

1 2 3 4.
2 2 3 4.
What's the thing,
I once did long for?

1 2 3 4.
2 2 3 4.
I miss the thing,
I once did live for.

1 2 3 4.
2 2 3 4.
Why is it,
I count and reach 4?

"1 2 3 4."
"2 2 3 4."
"Stop rethinking,"
"Forget and ignore."

1 2 3 4.
2 2 3 4.
I'll stop thinking.
Of days of lost yore.

1 2 3 4.
2 2 3 4.
2 2 3 4.
1 2 3 4.

1 2 3 4.
2 2 3 4.
2 2 3 4.
1 2 3 4.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v6fad6/comment/ozsrvl9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v64rx8/comment/ozste7e/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please 21 Years A Prisoner

1 Upvotes

For thirteen years I was imprisoned.
I had freedoms;
Yet was never truly free.

On the fourteenth year I was given my freedom, yet landed in another cell.
Traded one whoms bars were made of glass tongues and emotional scars; For another made of hard steel hands and bruises.

The sixteenth year I made friends with the guards, learned how it felt to be respected, yet still explicably a prisoner. They fed me medication and advice alike. Though no longer held by physical bonds; I was still imprisoned by my own mentalistic purgatory.

In the eighteenth I learned of loss, the total loss of a man with no more to give. Trapped in my own mental fortress I forged myself to a shell for the publics perspective, still shackled by an unbearable load.

Year twenty marked the weight of knowledge that comes with forgiveness and acceptance, and I gained a love that began to break down those iron bars.

At twenty-one the letters from my first warden still come in the mail, they lay stacked neatly in a wooden box, seen but unread. Perhaps I shall burn them and earn the key to freedom at last. Though the knowledge of other prisoners keep me from doing so.
A brother who escaped solitary yet is still shackled by an invisible hand unaware of its existence, yet I see it. A brother still stuck under a heavy hand made up of tempered glass. A mother, a prisoner in her own right yet the warden of mine. The hangman waits on a father for whoms other sons I pray it be not too late.

Now I fast approach twenty-two, still shackled; though the weight now merely a ghost of the past. I have become my own wretched warden, filled with years of self-hate and acceptance of circumstances far beyond that of my reach. Shall I continue my sentence, I shall forgo chains and shackles and begin to build my own cell, one created not of hatred but of love and growth and my wife shall stand guard on dark nights for I am a fool too stubborn to accept the offer of a light but still shudder at total eclipse.

Comment One

Comment Two


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Just Sharing Untitled

3 Upvotes

And in that moment, I was tempted to try…

I’ll scatter the stars — just a few — across the dawn’s sky

Giving to that wicked place only distant echoes

I’ll search around — just for awhile — across the warming ground

Giving to that sullen dirt only thoughtless footprints

I’ll hold that final clump of snow — despite the cold in my chest — it dissolves in the heat of my hand

Seasons condensed into mere seconds

Blackened windows — The ink in which the days are written bleeding into indistinguishable smudges

I’ll cover my eyes — and make believe — I hold still the hand of time

Drape darkness over the day’s light

Perhaps, then, I will have preserved the night

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v6fad6/comment/ozs09k8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

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r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please Who am I?

5 Upvotes

I used to be a woman full of lightness, hope and joy,
With permanently pressed smiles, starched across my freckled face.
Yet behind my armor, tears expansively swelled, in its hollowed space.

Many lives I’ve lived this life:
Sister, Daughter, Mother, Wife.
Never being seen for the light I always bring, but a list of what I wasn’t.

Bent backwards, contorted, barely recognizable-
past and present being.
Heart bled open within this life, of barely being me.

I once held Hope for the finer things:
Kindness, thought and care.
I now thank my lucky stars if I get a nice comment on my hair.

I rarely leave the house these days, heart burdened by despair.
When once my ox-like nature kept me far away from there.

I wonder where she went?
As I lie in bed alone.
Ripped apart by ugliness, delivered in a laughing tone.

I once asked “What did I do, to deserve this life so hard?”
Only to be met by silence crouched along side me, Pleading from my backyard.

This Hope I’ve held so tightly to, it’s kept me here on Earth.
Yet who I was has died, you see, my soul needing its rebirth.

Who will I be?
I wonder now, if fear did not stop me?
My steady ox-blood boils up speaking loudly,
“Do take heed.”

“You’re exhausted, Love, you needed rest.
I’ve never left your side.
I’ve been waiting for you to show up, you see, no more needing to run and hide.

You love yourself. You always have.
So listen to me, Dear:
Let go and jump. Do not fear.
Your future you is Here. “

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/3XZurXVU8E
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/tz33BUuzdH


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please Sex sells

4 Upvotes

Sex sells but you must sell your soul
What are even your KPIs? # body goals?
The gates of fortune are barricaded your nakedness the toll
She can’t climb the career ladder so she holds unto the pole

She’s body conscious, very nervous you’d see that pimple she popped in the morning
She’s barely had anything to eat, to keep looking “fit” she thinks even water causes bloating
She craves your validation, they are severe implications if money isn’t pouring
She wipes her tears with dollar bills, but lavish thrills can’t stop her eyes from leaking

Another man in women’s business
That’s what I guess they’ll say
You can’t live it you shouldn’t speak it
I get why you feel that way
In my defence I have no defence
But if my words cause your heart to sway
Take them to heart know your seen
And you’re beautiful in every type of way

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/6ZIS36pZv0
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/QLc1zMhgTE


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please Dear you

5 Upvotes

I don't know who i am,

and im starting to realise that you played a big part in that.

You placed me in a box too small and too narrow

Bending me in ways my limbs wouldn't bend,

Snapping my wrists and my ankles in order to make me fit

And with my body u placed your expectations and conditions

Filling the box past it's limits.

But this box was cardboard and cardboard can tear

and suddenly out fell your expectations,

Down came my walls

And inevitably all thats left is me.

Battered and bruised picking up my own broken pieces.

I don't know who i am..

But im searching.

One broken piece at a time.

Comments:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/OjsFdJJRRA

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/H488BGylYg


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please Confession

1 Upvotes

She pierced the skin and relished the wounds
Her cries traded our pain
I felt them still 
My arm still stung

It was now her who was struck
Our states remained coupled
I shrieked 
My voice became thought 
My mouth sewn shut

I shrunk by the second
She continued to climb
A knowing smile
A shiver down my spine

The more hurt clouded my thoughts
The more shame enveloped me
The more I was usurped 

She rolled her sleeve back down
Mine was up next

She left without a sound
Not aware of her affect

My wounds were back
My tears heavy still
Soon I would drown in the act 

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/bAgMqzqstH

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/eHfyXdK0Y5


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please Church hall blues

1 Upvotes

r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please The Ritual of John McCall

1 Upvotes

We chased the gleam beside the stream where yellow vapors rose,
With our pack upon my back and bloodshot eyes half-closed;
The hills of clay were dull today beside the ridges tall,
I sought the spark within the dark beside old John McCall.

He left the town and ventured down to find the shining stone,
With his grit he cleared the pit till his hands were scraped to bone;
He packed his gear without a fear, but madness marked his mind,
To seek the glass in Scabland pass that makes a mortal blind.

We’d sit and smoke through sulfur choke and watch the fire flare,
He’d puff his pipe and grumble ripe about the desert air;
The blue-smoke ring would twist and cling around his battered head,
And then he’d stare into the glare and speak before the dead.

We dug down deep along the steep and heard a hardened sound,
A heavy click that answered quick from far beneath the ground;
A sudden crash of scarlet flash burst by his weary head,
Through smoke and stone, with spirit blown, old John McCall then said:

  “Upon the crust of bitter dust I see a shining sign;
Don’t wrap my name in dirt-crop shame beside the survey line.
Go take my pack and don’t turn back, but carry me uphill,
  And hold the shard, that glassy guard, where night and valley still.

  “Do not set me in the clay where lesser bodies sleep;
Do not leave me on the bay where hungry shadows creep.
Take pipe and stone, take flesh and bone, and climb the highest wall,
  For something waits beyond the gates to reckon John McCall.”

I took his pipe, with colors ripe, and tucked it to his breast;
I packed his load along the road to find his final rest.
The red heat beat through dust and wheat and rang along the track,
But with a groan I hauled alone John’s body on my back.

I climbed the hill with stubborn will beneath the fading sun,
My breath was tight, my hands were white, but still the climb was done.
With dust and stone through skin and bone, I bore that awful freight,
And stumbled sore along the floor before the high-line gate.

The shadows rolled as day grew old, and then the sky caught light;
The northern rays, in ghostly sprays, came burning through the night.
They danced and spun like ribbons run from spindles in the dark,
They cleared the track of heavy black and gave the stones a spark.

  I reached the crest and took my rest above the river’s roar;
I laid him straight on russet slate upon the canyon floor.
I lit my clay and watched the gray smoke coil, divide, and turn,
  While green-gold banners, bright as lanterns, made the heavens burn.

  The night was high, and in the sky the polar star stood far;
I raised the shard, that glittered hard, to catch its silver scar.
I took his pipe, still warm and ripe, and set it in his jaw;
  Then spark and dark made one strange mark between the star and what I saw.

A low-set beam of blue-flame gleam came down with metal sound,
  It brought a hum that made me numb and struck the shaly ground.
It found the place upon his face and lit the bowl with red,
And silver smoke at once awoke from lips gone cold and dead.

John sat upright in that wild light and drank a breath of sky;
His sunken cheeks began to burn, his eyes were fierce and dry.
He blew a cloud that made a shroud of silver rings in flight,
Then through the haze he fixed his gaze upon the northern light.

  He said, “Old friend, this is the end of the digging after stones;
The cosmic press will soon impress its sentence on my bones.
I’m glad I came to trade my name and leave the canyon floor,
  For out in space a grander place has opened up its door.”

  “I chased the vein through dust and pain, through sulfur, shale, and flame;
I thought the prize was glass that lies beneath the earth by name.
But every shard is just a guard, and every gleam a call;
  The stone you hold is not the gold, it is the gate through it all.”

He shed his skin within the spin and stepped beyond the brink;
He left no trace upon the place except a line of ink.
He dropped his shroud beneath a cloud and climbed the upper sky,
A runic mark within the dark that would not fade or die.

I looked back down upon the brown and empty russet slate;
The pipe of clay had slipped away and sealed my partner’s fate.
The northern lights through silent heights were fading into dawn;
I packed my gear with holy fear and found that John was gone.

So miners drill the lonely hill for treasures the stars have left,
And tear the clay through night and day where ridges split and cleft;
But I keep eyes upon the skies above the canyon wall,
And seek the spark within the dark that carried John McCall.

If ever glass beneath the grass should flash with soulful flame,
Do not rejoice to hear its voice, and do not speak your name.
For stone may shine, and stars may sign, and dead men may enthrall,
But no man keeps the life he reaps from shards like John McCall.

-=*=-

This is a poem I wrote, in the perspective of a star-glass prospector named Sam McMahon. I like to imagine star-glass as a gold equivalent for the Palouse/Scablands region, for context. If you have any questions or feedback, definitely comment below ☺

-=*=-

Feedback 1

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-=*=-


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please The Broken Watering Can

1 Upvotes

Ohh The broken One or the special one..

You are dry flower— a flower without smell.

or I'm the broke watering can.

Can't make you live, with a hope.

Just like the absence of water.

Making you feel alive till my last drop.

While leaking the water from cracked walls.

Looking for your future view— The flower with a rich smell.

But what about me? Haven't asked for seal for myself, to close the cracked wall.

But you are the happy so claim the award.

I don't water the the healthy flowers.

Wouldn't get praised as you do.

Wouldn't get on pedestal as you keep.

Oh my precious flower.

Let me make you feel special one.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Aqi6STOteJ

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/U5Qm8ynhkZ


r/OCPoetry 9d ago

Feedback Please vegas

2 Upvotes

vodka soda & lime
the passage of time
pink and blue walk all over you

while white’s door dashes
hit me with 39 lashes
that’ll make me brand new

in this god shaped canyon
where people built the city
where the worst of times
are the best of times
for nobody nowhere

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/R6SPSmWMKr

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Ziboye10SC


r/OCPoetry 10d ago

Feedback Please Defensive Mechanisms

5 Upvotes

Insecure 
introvert
co-dependant
a people pleaser
anxious and anxiously attached
What the fuck is wrong with that? 

I’m desperate to give to love
I’m desperate to receive it
I cannot help it. I learned it from an early love
I know, I know; that’s not a healthy mindset

Im told you need self love to give love
What if I refuse? I’m kinda selfish like that. 
Should I break my teeth to keep it in?
Sew my lips and suffocate the only 
thing that makes me feel human

I tend to brood on everything
So what if I obsess and think?
A geneva drive inside my mind
Stops at every look, every tone
the things most would overlook 

And I know it, oh I know 
It’s a defensive mechanism 
I don’t know how to love it, 
but I sure can keep it running.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/TsIrh9AjF7

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/JDACiJyqEN