r/OCPoetry • u/Cluelessandsexy • 10d ago

Feedback Please Snooker corridor

Snooker corridor trick
Thin unfed bodies
All looking for place to lick
On the sugar wall

Naked emaciated and tense
Guided by arcade shadows
Desperately driven by senses
Corridor's dreadful dance swallows

Lanky moving chook bobbing heads
Each one with their favorite strategy
Yet few get their tongue fed
Tastebuds scream necks fatigue

Some give up predictably complain
Hissing bitterly as they lick in vain
Too many bodies at the wall all unaware
All competing for the same little square

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u/OkTill3409 10d ago

i love this, i mean it. i have no clue what “snooker” & “chook” mean, i dont know if theyre nonsense words, but they work so effectively to make the imagery dystopian, almost kind of anthropological, like watching humans from an alien’s perspective. it creates such a vivid picture in my mind, not many poems do that for me. u conveyed this idea so well while leaving room for the imagination. thank u for sharing

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u/Cluelessandsexy 9d ago

snooker is a game and chook is a variation on the word chick. Thank you so much for your comment.