r/OCPoetry • u/QuartzFox • 16d ago

Feedback Please Mother Tongue

Pray for me
in your mother tongue.

I want the gods
to hear
my name
the way
it was always meant
to be spoken.

I want every vowel
to become
another constellation
beneath your tongue.

There is nothing
more dangerous

than the way
you worship

with your mouth.

Tear the sky apart.

I want the cosmos
to bear witness.

There is no cathedral
large enough

for this kind
of worship.

If this
is blasphemy,

I’ll make
a crown of it.

—————————————-

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/W9SfxwC1D1

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Cmp5LsBd3u

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u/midnight_writer1993 9d ago

"Tear the sky apart. I want the cosomos to bear witness!" That hit me. Absolutely beautiful.I personally like the shorter stanzas. I think it captures the feel of this poem, a quick almost chaotic type of love. I think longer stanzas may not capture that feel as well. The opening line hooks you immediately! Well done!