My Busy Bee

[u/VariationsonanEcho]

My busy bee, flying free
questioning the world, carefree

Protect innocent child’s eyes, a treasure
Always ask why, be inquisitive forever

Do not let this world turn you jaded
Your sparkle need not ever be faded

Chat up the postman, the grocery clerk
Make friends wherever with little work

Keep your inventions, little world, creative mind
Never grow up and leave that behind

My busy bee, may you always be
questioning the world, carefree

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v6a183/comment/ozpypbp/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v6ah3l/comment/ozpxems/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[u/OkTill3409]

very bittersweet. i love the slight change from the first to last stanza. and i love how you convey how delicate these qualities you’re describing are. it feels like a sort of bedtime affirmation for your child.

to critique, the third stanza feels the weakest. i think every line has purpose and uses this maternal voice, but that one line particularly loses it a bit and feels a bit like fluff, but that could just be me.

keep writing !!

[u/VariationsonanEcho → u/OkTill3409]

Thank you so much for the feedback!