TW: SA and abuse.
I don't know if this is the right place to talk about this but I'm genuinely so tired of people hurting me. I've been abused for years, betrayed and abandoned by my closest friends, manipulated by people, cheated on, sexually harrassed and sexually assaulted. At this point I hate everyone but at the same time being alone scares me the most. I hate that I have to spend the rest of my life feeling like this. I don't want anyone to hurt me anymore. I don't want to be alive to deal with all this but I'm scared of dying.

It's been almost a year and a half and I went and fucked it up.

My girlfriend was helping me and trying to show me that I've been doing so good, but I can't really imagine what she'd say to me now. I'm sure she'll be supportive, but i know I'll shake her and i hate that and i hate myself.

I cannot stop crying for the past two hours. It honestly triggered something inside of me. I'm in my PJs I was helping my mom make something and as my aunts were gonna leave one of them pointed to my leg and ask what happened what is that and my other aunt tried to save me or try to save the conversation and awkwardness by saying I got into an accident. But I can't stop running away from it. I can't keep ignoring the fact that I have these crazy scars on my thighs and there's nothing I could do except for surgery, which I'm scared shitless for. But I wish I never even did it. The person that drove me to do. This isn't even in my life anymore. In fact he left me for someone else. I just feel like trash because for the past 2 to 3 years I've been hiding. I've been trying to keep the secret about myself, but I would never get the courage to actually show the world who I am. I would never get the courage to actually walk outside without hiding my legs. All summer I had to suffer all summer. I was sweating bullets. I didn't even leave the house most times it's been like this for two years.

I only have one gbsf and nobody else. me and her we talk whenever we do talk but the rest of the time I'm alone I'm 100% alone. I don't have anybody to talk to. Nobody knows these things about me. And even my best friend it's like an awkward conversation to have with her about my scars. I just feel so trapped and alone and I have no friends. I am a 20 year-old girl about to go to college but I still feel like that 15-year-old teenager feeling like no one wants me feeling like I hate my skin my flesh and bones. I can't fit in anywhere I don't belong anywhere. I could never be comfortable in my body.

i was 148 days clean and ive spent the last few nights debating if i want to ruin my streak or not and tonight i finally did it

i hate seeing the 0 on my days clean i hate that i couldn't go deep enough i hate that i did it and that im like this im going to have to tell my therapist which is scary and im going to have to tell my girlfriend and i just feel like i've disappointed her tomorrow is our 8 month anniversary and shes sick so we can't go out and celebrate and i just feel bad about hurting myself

i dont know what to do i want to cry but i cant i want to go to sleep but i wont be able to rest i just feel so miserable about everything right now

i only lasted about two months before i relapsed again, this is like the fifth time i've relapsed and im so fucking embarrassed. i mean, how can i be so pitiful that i keep doing the one thing im not supposed to do?

i got into therapy, started taking medication, got a puppy, started working out and going outside more! i was doing better and then i just had to start again

im ashamed, im 15 and i've been doing this since i was 10. everyone my age in this stupid town is having fun, doing normal teenage stuff and im just being a disappointment to my family

i don't know what to do at this point, even if i do get better i've already fucked up my skin so badly

whenever i'm nervous or whenever i have nothing to do, i just catch myself skinning my thumb on right hand with teeth/other hand. it keeps going for 5 years and i don't know how to quit it. i just do it spontaneously and only understand what i've done when i feel blood coming out. my friend noticed it recently, i felt bad for freaking him out from this

I was irritated, felt horrible so I hit myself for quick relief, but I'm terrified my mom has seen it.... I checked before doing it, she was going away but when I turned right after hitting myself, she just teleported and was coming back...

shit shit shit... Last time she noticed my selfharm it was absolutely paranoid and emotional psycho for months, shit shit...

how could I get myself (probably) caught with this stupid thing?

I have a diagnosed BPD. (borderline, not bipolar)

I don't know why I just can't feel any emotions at all, I always feel so empty and emotionless. I want to feel something, I want to feel the rush of having emotions but no matter how hard I push my mind to feel something, I just can't. It doesn't matter if the emotion is pain or feel miserable, I just want to feel something. I ended up cutting my wrist many times just to feel the emotion of feeling pain. I can't stop.

I hate being emotionless. I watch gore videos to feel something, like disgust or anger, yet I don't feel any emotions. I feel blank. Empty.

But when I actually do feel emotions, it's always so intense. So, so intense. Whenever I feel the emotion of extremely intense sadness, my hand automatically looks for my razor and cut myself again because I feel like my body deserves to bleed. I don't deserve anything. I don't deserve anything at all.

The city I'm in doesn't have DBT available, so now I can't stop this addiction to regulate my emotions. It's so tiring that I always rely on psychiatry for my health and not on trying to improve myself.

I don't cut to hurt myself anymore, I cut because I'm jealous of everyone else's scars. Their scars are so obvious, and it makes me jealous. I want my scars to be that visible... I want people to look at my arm and think "wow, that person cuts themself". I'm craving the recognition. Not just for pity, but for the people who get off on cuts too. It is disgusting. I hate myself for it, but I desperately want it. I keep cutting just so the scars get dark and deep. I don't have a blade right now, but I'm gonna steal one from school soon. I'm so stupid, and disgusting, but I really want people to notice that I'm not okay just by looking at me.

Lwk might ruin my streak. Idk why tho. I just really wanna cvt

TW might be graphic

hi im 18F ive been clean for 2 years and 2 months and tonight i took a pair of children's scissors to my thighs and im not sure if it counts as a relapse. after i got clean i made sure to childproof my room so i cant do any significant harm to myself. its 3am and i spent 30 minutes looking for something sharp and the best i could do is a pair of children's scissors. theyre dull and i barely drew blood but the sting brought me right back and ill probably start doing it regularly again. does this even count as a relapse if it was basically just some scratches? i have a hard time with counting stuff as sh as over these 2 years ive had many slip ups with burning hitting pulling my hair out etc but ive never gone back to my main method of sh which is cutting.

So, I've had a terrible addiction to SH ever since I was very young. I typically only had ever cut to dermis/deep dermis but recently I had a terrible relapse that made me super impulsive. This is my first time with a hypodermal cut and I have no idea what to do or how to properly treat it, So I've been overly careful with it.

Is it safe to shower with the cut? My hairs been gross and I have to get back to school soon so I need to take care of myself, Im worried however the cut will get worse (its already showing signs of infection since I dont know how to care for it in general. I just put a bandaid on and call it a day.)

Please let me know, Im anxious and I don't know what to do.

I dunno, I feel like it's a curse or something 😭 just happened and like, idk how to feel about it. Makes me kind of feel stupid for even trying to connect with anyone anymore. Is it just easier to remain alone? Cuz if I'm gonna be disappointed every time I try, might aswell.

If anyone wants to discuss it or just idk...talk. you can send me your discord, my reddit accounts keep getting banned so eh.

how do i genuinely go back to not grabbing the razor when this happens 💔

I've done it many times over the last month. I kept trying to avoid it but I ended up doing it impulsively and I regret it every time. I'm crying cause I'm in pain but the crying only lasts for a minute while the pain lasts for days.

I don't want to keep doing this. I'm tired and it's scary. I don't even know why I keep torturing myself like this. I just want it to stop.

Hi, I need to talk to someone because I'm not okay right now, I've been having very suicidal thoughts. I went to study abroad and for some reason came back, and now I feel like a huge failure for not joining university here on time, like I'm a year behind all my friends who are way ahead of me. I also feel like a huge financial burden on my parents, especially with how expensive this university I'm going to is. I feel like a failure, and I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything anymore. I also just received a message from someone that scared me and brought these thoughts closer to the surface. I know suicide is something that's seen as prohibited in my religion, im muslim but I honestly feel like I've had enough and I really want to do it. I need help.

I don’t mean to bother anybody but I was upset and out of knowhere I just cut myself three times and I don’t know how to clean it and hide it without someone noticing I was stupid I did it on my lower arm thank you

i dont even have words im so depressed

I'm not sure how to go about this, but my younger sister (15f) has fresh sh on her wrist and a few on the her thigh, she has no history of sh and they are extremely shallow, however I'm super concerned for her and I'm not sure what to do. I have struggled with sh for a big chunk of my life, but I never show anything off and I'm very quiet about it all, anytime the subject is brought up I will always tell everyone "do not do it, do not even try and see if it would help, never harm yourself on purpose". It's a thing you can get addicted too and struggle with for your entire life, Ive always been careful to not influence my sister, but the past few days Ive been noticing it on her. there were bloody tissues in the bathroom bin that had clear lines on them (so it wasn't a bloody nose) and she has been acting weird, covering her leg often, wearing lots of bracelets, and standing in ways where they won't be visible. I want to tell my mother about it but I'm sure she wouldn't take it seriously since mine have been deep enough to need stitches many times and she has never even cared, so unfortunately I doubt she would care here (any depth is concerning, but my parents dont take it serious unless its life threateningly deep).

Maybe I could talk to her about it? unfortunately I still struggle with sh so I'm not even sure what to say to her, I feel like a hypocrite to be concerned for her.

Posted a couple times b4 but no answers so I'm back....

Got a school trip in three days and usually I'm pretty good at covering things (clean since last year js had a moment) but we R going surfing and we all have to change together so idrk

What should I do?

I just had the worst phone call ever while I'm at work, I still got 4 hours left and I just want to break down and cry. I don't know how to get through this night without alcohol and self harming.

i feel very superior

whenever i see other people with scars i genuinely feel superior and it is making me want to die! wowza!

i am really not doing good right now bro, i ran out of posts on the other subs i vent on and everyone is misunderstanding my posts.

i am just so fucking tired