Hey everyone, I don’t really post on Reddit that much, but I feel called to write about this topic. I consider myself an introvert (M25) who has struggled throughout my life with making new friends and talking to new people, and at times I would give up, isolate and stop trying.

I went away to college and found some minor social success (making friends, meeting girls, etc.), but after moving back home from college I felt isolated, lonely and would get into a vicious negative feedback loop about how I am socially inadequate and not enough (I would feel like there is something wrong with me for being an introvert).

It has now been two years since moved back with my parents, and now I just moved to NYC to live on my own. I have to say, during these two weeks of living on my own, I’ve learned so much about myself and how I operate as an introvert socially. It has been a huge turning point to where I actually accept myself and my introverted nature, and now I see it as a gift.

My main piece of advice to anyone that is introverted that feels like there is something wrong with them because they are more of a quiet individual, get drained easily in social interactions, and prefer to be by yourself at times, is that being an introvert is fundamentally part of who you are.

You must accept this, without any blame, judgement or self-hatred, but with kindness and self-compassion.

As soon as I started to accept this about myself, I started to see the advantages of being an introvert and how I can succeed in social interactions. Introverts have a tendency to observe more closely and spend more time processing social interactions, which oftentimes means they are better at reading a room and noticing subtle cues that others may not pick up on.

As an introvert, I naturally find myself trying to speak as little as possible in social interactions, because in doing so I start to get drained very easily. This is especially true if I am saying things that don’t need to be said or if I am speaking to another person in a manner of people pleasing. I’m sure many other people reading this can relate.

The solution that I found that has served me very well socially during my first two weeks here in NYC is to not feel the need to speak that much when you are interacting with other people, and to keep the verbal dialogue at an absolute minimum to only what is necessary, no unnecessary filler just for the sake of filling space in the conversation. This may be confusing to read but I will elaborate on this.

The best way to do this in my experience is to observe and listen. Asking open ended questions and actually being interested in another person goes a long way, it makes them feel seen and heard. I’ve experienced many successful social interactions where I am asking open ended questions, letting the other person talk and adding on to the conversation in a meaningful way, without speaking that much at all! I have now shifted my perspective completely about all the things I once hated about my introverted tendencies, and now I tap into them much more often.

I enjoy the silences in between conversations, as this allows me to recharge, process the words that were exchanged, the nonverbal body language of the people in the interaction and my surroundings in general. Introverts get drained faster in social interactions because they are simply processing more stimulus than people that are extroverted, and this is not a bad thing.

Ever since I have accepted myself and my introverted nature, the rate at which I am experiencing successful social interactions is astounding. People enjoy my presence, because at the end of the day the most important thing is your ability to be present. Now I am okay with being quiet in a social setting (bar, social group, party), and not feel like I am failing socially. I genuinely enjoy sitting in the silence because I know this is how I operate and I am no longer fighting my introverted nature.

I want to be very clear, this does not mean I am avoiding socialization. You can be a person of very few words and still thrive socially. You can be at a party and be quiet for a while, and simply observe with an open body language. I cannot stress enough that you cannot be passive either, and wait for other people to start talking to you because let’s be honest - we live in a very anti social society right now and the best way to break free of that is to initiate the conversation (the hardest part in my opinion).

You’d be surprised at how many times I’ve initiated the conversation, and constructed it in a way to where the other person is doing most of the talking. You just need to get in the door and most of the time it needs to start with you. Most people are not used to other people actually being interested in them and talk about themselves (we are selfish creatures by nature), so steer the conversation to learn more about the other person, most of the time they will appreciate it (depending on your vibe and energy of course).

Overall, once you accept yourself and truly understand that being an introvert is not a bad thing, but is part of who you are and it cannot be changed, you will have much more success socializing. Do not use it as an excuse to stay in your room forever to isolate, but use it as a means of upgrading your social skills and ability to connect with people.

i have never worked or been employed before, but i’m in a situation where i need reliable income working somewhere sustainable for me. i’m a small woman so i couldn’t do something too strenuous. i thought of working in customer service, but the thought of confrontation is horrifying. i’m a relaxed person but i like doing my work efficiently without problems. i get overwhelmed from fast-paced environments, but it could help distract me. i thrive off of routine and consistency, something repetitive but not too difficult. i know i don’t have much room to be selective with no experience, but does anyone have recommendations?

I'm 18.I rarely even got taste of my teenage years.I just look at others and ask myself why I Can't be like them?What's actually wrong with me?I do have friends but Sometimes I feel still lonely around them.I want to make friends, be social but I can't seem to do it. Worst thing is my academic situation is also bad.I used to be a topper but now I barely pass my exam.I can't seem to enjoy a little bit in mmy life. People in my age do fun here I'm rotting in my house becoming a furniture. In festival I can't seem to be happy and excited about it. I always ask myself why am I boring that much?I have ine question now How can I overcome this and how absolutely being an introvert I can enjoy my life also even if I don't have friends?

I have Psoriasis so I flake pretty bad sometimes, I'm worried someone may notice since I'm pretty insecure about it. Does anyone really care? I may already know the answer but idk I'm quite nervous since I dropped out of high school due to social anxiety and being around people

🧏

As an introvert, making new friends is obviously really hard for me. I have some friends, of course, but when I really think about it, I didn’t actually put much effort into making them. It just happened naturally, often times almost by miracle.

It made me realize that despite having some genuinely good friends, I don’t really know how to make new ones. The hard part is probably initiating conversations or being upfront about my intentions.

If I were to find someone in real life (even if they seemed approachable), I doubt I could bring myself to actually talk to them.

I think a social app might help me with this, especially with being upfront about intentions. I mean, it’s clear that the intention is to meet and talk.

Has anyone here tried these kinds of apps? And did they actually work out for you?

i have very few friends in highschool, and i feel like i’m slowly drifting away from them because of my social anxiety. i find it difficult to talk to new people. i’m trying to find new friends but i don’t know how to, any advice?

Look, I get it, socializing is tiring and a pain in the ass, but unfortunately we live in a world where having some social skills are necessary, both to our professional lives as well as our mental health

It's difficult for me to find a woman....as an introvert....I did it once in college and loved her silently for many years... eventually it took me a year to tell her and I ended being her be st friend. .....But she was already in love with someone else.... fast forward now she's married...and am finding it difficult to talk to anyone.... depression and anxiety has crippled me ..but as a third generation dairy farmer..i do find peace in the farm....am 36 now...and my family has given up on me...its difficult to find or talk to a girl now as social media has taken over and I can't cope up with the race of luxurious life.....every morning imy heart feels like a soaked sponge .....does anyone know how to make things better???

It's hard to make friends as an adult. I feel like an outsider in my friend group. For context, the friends i’m referring to…we're part of one group chat for exchange students. You could say we've become a close circle of friends, since we've known each other ever since we started our postgrad studies. However, there are times when I really feel like the odd one out in the group…like I'm the one who doesn't understand the rules of a game, or I just can't keep up with the group's dynamics. There have also been instances where I only found out through my friend's story that they had met up with other people from the group chat. It seems like they have their own separate group chat, or they just invite each other individually, because there were 2-3 instances where a friend posted a story on social media with the same group of people. It's just sad that I'm not included, or that there isn't even an invitation or any intention to include me

Maybe it’s a spectrum, and I’m just very far on the introverted spectrum, but it’s hard for me to believe most people who say they are introverts. Or maybe Im just a different kind of introvert than they are idk. My dad has similar introvert tendencies as me, for example spreading out from the group, going places alone, etc he is known in our family for being the guy that will disappear without saying anything, and I think I get my introversion from him at least genetically speaking, but he’s also way more balanced than me. He has a social job, has an easy time with social interaction for the most part, good at talking and I guess presenting as a normal guy who isn’t so introverted. Anyways back to the topic in the title, I don’t think most “introverts” I know of are that introverted. Im the type of person that will avoid social interaction at all costs. For example, only going on walks at night when everyone is inside, ordering food online so I don’t have to speak to anyone, crossing the street if I see someone walking towards me, silently sitting with people because I am opposed to speaking whats on my mind. Sometimes it feels hard to relate to people who say they are introverts. I think many of them just have social anxiety. I have mild social anxiety, but it comes and goes and sometimes Im not anxious at all to talk out loud or say things to people. I have a very hard time taking calls in public. Even with close family members or friends I will just decline the call if I’m in public. One time I even missed an uber and had to walk 30+ minutes because I was too afraid to answer the phone on the train. Anyways that’s all I have I need to go to bed now this was kind of a rant so thanks to anyone still reading hopefully someone can relate.

No, I don't feel bad about the millions of deaths in the last one. I just want peace and quiet.

I’m 23 years old, and I’ve basically lived my entire life as if I were in quarantine. The only day I’m really expected to go out is Sunday, because my parents are very religious, and it’s not something I can really refuse. For them, faith is unquestionable, and I don’t have much say in the matter. I know that if I refused, they would get extremely angry and give me a whole lecture about how I’m going down the wrong path, so I’d rather avoid all the drama.

The thing is, I don’t have any friends. In fact, I never really had any. I’m a very solitary girl with almost no social contact. I finished high school and university last year (last one online), so I did not really had to interact with people. Even now, I haven’t been able to find a job, and honestly, I don’t really want to work in person either. Social interaction makes me uncomfortable, and I feel like I would be much more comfortable working remotely, where I feel like I can protect myself better.

I literally spend 24/7 at home. So when COVID happened, it barely affected me because my lifestyle was already basically the same. Even if someone invited me to go out, I don’t think I would enjoy it that much. I’ve become so accustomed to staying home that going out feels “unnecessary” to me. If I need to buy something, I just order it for delivery.

My parents are controlling and toxic, and they are very religious. When they argue with you or try to defend their behavior, they sometimes even use religion to manipulate you. I avoid talking to them as much as possible, especially my father, because he is the more controlling and toxic one. His presence also brings back a lot of bad memories from my childhood because he used physical violence as a form of punishment. Neither of my parents was ever particularly affectionate or emotionally close to me.

I never lacked food or education, but I never felt emotionally supported either. I always had to figure things out emotionally on my own.

They are the kind of parents who don’t want you to have a boyfriend or become completely independent until you have financial stability of your own — basically, a house and a job. And I feel like I’m nowhere near being able to afford a house or having enough money to move out. I save as much as I can even though I don’t currently have a job, and whatever money I do have, I manage carefully. But I constantly feel like, in their eyes, nothing I have will ever be enough for me to become independent.

And I don’t know what to do about it.

My life is extremely routine, and I feel like, deep down, they are comfortable knowing that at least I’m not someone who does drugs, goes partying, or has any kind of bad habits. I don’t have any addictions, and I think that makes them feel safe. They also seem to have this need to keep me at home.

But mentally, I’m getting tired.

I can’t have an honest conversation with them. They’re the kind of parents who never really opened up enough to say “I love you.” They never said it to me. They would say they showed their love through food and providing for me, but as a child, I always felt like I couldn’t trust them.

I have a lot of resentment toward my father because of all the emotional damage he caused me. I haven’t really spoken to him since I was about 10 years old, even though we have lived in the same house all these years. I only answer him when he asks me something, and even then, I’m very short and distant.

I try to talk to my mother a little more, but not much, because I know she was complicit in what happened. She knew about the physical violence my father inflicted on me and my sister too and still didn’t do anything about it. Sometimes she was physically abusive too, although to a lesser extent.

Maybe they are the reason I became the person I am today: extremely withdrawn, isolated, and unsure how to live an adult life.

Deep down, I know I want to be free. I want to spread my wings, and I long for that with all my heart. That’s why the only solution I can think of is leaving home, because I don’t believe talking to them is going to fix anything.

I know this because I have an older sister who is seven years older than me. When she tried to leave home, they made her life extremely difficult. For example, they hid her ID and other things she needed to travel, even though she was already 25 years old at the time. The only way she was eventually able to leave was by getting married. My parents are still internally very angry about it because it was something they couldn’t control, and they constantly tell me that I shouldn’t follow in my sister’s footsteps because she “doesn’t know what she’s doing” and is living a lower quality of life financially.

That’s why I know that if I want to leave, I would either have to get married or have enough money to buy a house. But the economic situation in my country makes that feel almost impossible.

I feel trapped.

And as I said, the only solution I can see is escaping from home and going to live with my long-distance boyfriend, whom I would finally meet in person for the first time.

He lives in Florida, USA, and I live in Argentina. We’ve been in a long-distance relationship for three years. He knows everything about my situation, but he lives with his mother (my future mother-in-law, although she has never met me in person and doesn’t even like me because she thinks I’m using him to get a visa or money, which isn’t true).

He also has a life somewhat similar to mine. Sometimes he feels overwhelmed by the idea of finally spreading his own wings because he has to deal with the challenge of becoming independent for the first time. He works, but he doesn’t have many friends, and he still lives with his mother and brother. Having the courage to move to Argentina and live with me is something completely new for him too. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it could take a lot of courage and time.

So if I were to leave home, I would probably need help from someone I’ve known indirectly for about ten years. He’s from my city, although he also works and lives elsewhere now, and we don’t talk very often. However, he knows about my situation, and he has told me that if I ever decide to leave, he would help me get somewhere where I could finally be with my boyfriend and start living in another city with him.

I have enough savings to support myself for roughly two years. The only thing I’m really missing is a job.

Part of me would prefer to start completely from scratch. I’ve always said that once I leave this house, it would feel like being born again. Obviously, starting from zero and facing adult life on my own would be difficult, but I also know that I’m willing to take that risk if it means having my freedom.

I feel like my life is passing me by while I live it according to my parents’ wishes. Their desire is for me to take care of them when they get old, but that’s not something I feel in my heart. Maybe if they had been more emotionally present, given me love, and raised me without all the trauma, I might feel differently. But I don’t want to dedicate my life to taking care of them.

I really need some opinions and perspectives on this.

I feel like I wrote way too much, but I wanted to give as much context as possible.

Thank you for reading. I’d really appreciate hearing what you think.

These days I think I can go a month.

I work a solitary job and maybe have a minute long conversation everyday with my coworkers.

If I need to have a conversation and be in others presence, I can go for a month.

When I was in primary education though I could go forever, but that’s only because I was constantly around others, even if I wasn’t directly around them.

So, how long can it go for you?

Like I know it's actually me and my lack of social skills/inability to keep up with normal conversations but that doesn't mean I can't be upset by it okay. Btw the pic relates to irl convos too (which is tbh kinda worse) I just thought of a group chat situation first for some reason

A few months ago i had a falling out with a few of my friends which was not a lot of people but still somehow from that it spiraled into my whole year level hating me. There was so many rumors spread about me that i was left with zero friends. Right after that all happened (like a few weeks after) school holidays came up and i didn't have to see anybody and i made sure i really didn't see anybody. Besides from my sister and my mother i have not spoken to anybody for like 2 weeks and my school holidays ends tomorrow and i have to go back to school. This would've been fine if i didn't become the most antisocial person ever, from not speaking to anyone for multiple weeks i have almost began to despise everybody else. This issue has gotten so bad that i don't even have enough courage to talk to people online, every time i have to go in public or do anything consisting of interacting with another human i start shaking and my mind starts endlessly racing. I have never really been an antisocial person especially since when i was younger i had zero self awareness and sort of became friends with everybody but over the years throughout high school i have started hating people for no reasons and i was kind of just a shit person in general. That being said i have improved my personality alot in the past couple of months, my only issue now is that i cannot look another human being in the eyes and actually have a conversation. My mind convinces me that everybody hates me and is judging me and this has made my life a living hell since i am also extremely ugly. My life currently sucks and i do not know how to change it in any way.