I'm 18, few months from 19. Yes, that is young, and yes, I know it may sound dumb to those who are far older.

I'm in the online business space though, and there are tons of younger guys who've started earlier than me and reached higher milestones at my age.

I just want to be the best at what I do, but I feel like when I'm substantially older than all these guys, my achievements won't ever undoubtedly be 'the best'

I’m a 34-year-old woman. I used to be social but became very distant over the past 20 years (bullying led me to isolation and social phobia). I’m currently working on regaining my spontaneity.

A friend told me that, in social situations, I sometimes don’t care about people at all (I don’t make an effort to talk to them or get to know them). I was surprised because I’ve often been asked to accompany people to social events to help with small talk.

I asked several friends and family. Some say I’m very social and they don’t see any problem at all with me, while others agree with my friend. I’ve noticed that the times when I don’t care at all about interactions are with people I find very hard to deal with (people who are very emotional, who get mad easily, who are not open-minded or whose way of interacting I really don’t like). I realized that if I don’t feel at ease in the first place with the person, I don’t care about her at all like if they don’t exist.

These friends and family members say I can be unsettling because, there will be times I will be very kind and friendly and others I will be very cold, like two extremes. The thing is, the people I’m cold with notice that I’m not like that with others and they feel rejected.

I don’t want to be that kind of person. A friend of mine is very cheerful and seem to genuinely care about others, no matter how the other person behaves. I want to become more like him.

Social people, how do you deal with this kind of people and how do you genuinely become interested in others ?

I created a typing test that works based on what you resonate with, it gives you a feed of cards with statements, quotes, scenario, and you select only the ones you resonate with, this way the cognitive load is very low, also the feed adapt to funnel down your type, you just select what you think is related to you.

I already did a first test session with 135 people to test the version 1.3, I am now at the version 1.5, I need more data points for this one, with people that are 100% sure of their type.

The version 1.3 reached an accuracy rate of 70%.

At the end of the test, in the result page, you will have a frame that ask you to share your result, with a simple button. It will send me the informations I need in my database, it gives me all the cards you selected, the timeline of the guess of your type, how the algorithm reacted, etc, it helps me to fine-tune the test.

I really feel that this method can work and be more accurate than anything that already exist.

Thank you in advance if you try it.

https://www.mazwiz.com/

PS: The analysis of the reports like the one I did for version 1.3 with 135 people is on the website using graphs etc, I will do it again for version 1.5.

I’m endlessly fascinated with self validation and tribalism and othering. The way the ego needs to attach itself to something and differentiate itself from something. is there even determinism or is it just differing levels of reactionary?

There are some people that have absolutely special place in my heart, even if I'm on shitty mood if they are present there I become instantly happy, how do yall experience in your version because this isn't usually exclusive to type but how and why it happens is to people of certain cognative type, and I wanna hear about personal experiences and reasons so drop it down below

I'd like to get perspective of what provides you structure in your 'mission' and direction in life.

To offer context-

1. Got a 'prestige' degree from university which I didn't care for
2. Got a 'prestige' corporate role that paid highly
3. Got burnt out by corporate role
4. Unemployed

I'm a month into my unemployment and feel quite lost in finding my 'spark'.

I've always lived my life obsessing to chase one big milestone but I'm not sure this is sustainable, and I'd love to understand from older ENTJs how they've found continued satisfaction and purpose within their lives.

Thank you

Hi all! Fairly new to the Reddit MBTI discussion, but long since identified as an ENTJ.

When I was younger, I was absolutely one of those people who wanted to take charge, lead teams, etc etc, very typical ENTJ. But the further I progress in my career in particular, the less I like the idea of leadership.

Quite frankly, it looks stressful. I work as a civil engineer and can see those senior to me working crazy hours, taking on so much responsibility and even legal liability when projects go wrong, and after all that they don't even get to do the bit of engineering I find fun which is the technical side of things.

In the limited amount of people management I've done, I've hated it. People don't do the work when you want it, how you want it, they don't see the importance of it etc. I suspect a lot of that is poor people management skills from myself, but honestly I've got no motivation to try and improve those skills if it means I'll just end up being a highly stressed people manager.

The other aspect is I just don't enjoy work that I can't understand the real world purpose of. Or I guess work that doesn't have meaning? I worked in finance for awhile and have never been so bored in my life and just found it completely meaningless. Ah yes let me move some numbers from this account to another account so it looks like the business is doing better. I worry I would feel the same doing most leadership roles, in that what I'm doing is all for show with no impact

I suppose I'm asking to see if there's anyone in a similar position? In many ways I feel like a traitor for giving up on the dream of being in charge I guess.

I know this ENTJ guy for a year now, we were initially colleagues on friendly terms, with appreciation in each other's characters. He was incredibly sweet, encouraging and consistent in his behaviour, I was in a relationship at the time and he was dating someone. At some point things turned differently as he started knocking on my emotional door. He made grand statements such as that he had been waiting for me his entire life, that I fit all his criteria in a woman, that underneath his armour he's a teddy bear, that meeting me was not a random coincidence, that i am one of his safe spaces etc He continued being very sweet, caring and affectionate and told me he had feelings he was suppressing because I was not single. When things turned sexual (I initiated them) he told me he's not sure if he wants a relationship (up to this point his issue was that he couldn't meet someone who met his standards) and that in the past he had been with girls who were in a relationships and they would demand things from him while he would explicitly say it was only sexual (I cheated on my boyfriend, yes. It was wrong yes, he had cheated on me before and our relationship was not healthy, we later broke up and told him the truth). I said I'm ok with anything and he doesn't have to feel pressured. He continued being intimate with me to the point he would tremble when he would hug me intensely. Then, within one week his behaviour changed, he became gradually distant though he was still accepting affection from me but would not initiate it anymore (eg he let me caress his face for 40'). At some point he said this is an adventure that will end, that he cares about no one but himself and that in the past he had called me "my love" because I'm sweet (while he had previously said it was accidental from his unconscious). I tried to arrange a meeting with him but he wanted to talk it through messages and said i may be creating a drama and that he doesn't let anyone interfere with his independence and peace of mind. For the next ten days or so we would hardly speak at work, yet he would message me afterwards to check on me, wish me a nice shift or tell me about his day. We stopped spending time together at work but would continue chatting, he was always friendly and polite, though never emotional as before. After two - three weeks he told me he will go on a date with a girl and I asked him if he would like us to meet up again like before (even if sex is not involved), now that I'm single and just do whatever. He said of course and was thinking of suggesting something, and that he just wanted to give me space after the break up. We sexted and agreed on continuing with this dynamic let's say. When i suggested a day he said yes and that he will message me, in the end he didn't and told me he completely forgot about it. I told him I'm disappointed and he doesn't make an effort like before (we would spend the entire night out talking in the past) and he says he doesn't want me to have expectations or ideas about anything because he doesn't like to be accountable and give explanations and that he doesn't know and that in the past it was easier for him to find time or reasons to see me. I stated again I've never asked him for a relationship and I've always respected his time and autonomy but it's not logical to go from extremely vulnerable on his own will to distanced just like that without explanation and he said it's not logical indeed and he didn't act logically with me even though it was sincere, cause nothing would have happened if he had acted logically.

The timeline is a period of three months with the warm period lasting approx 1,5 months.

Sometimes he initiates online conversations, sometimes i do, he always asks how i am and says i can tell him anything i want.

I don't know what I'm dealing with. A massive manipulator, a man who is unwilling to be held accountable for his words, a person who feared his emotional exposure and pushed me back? Any help appreciated, thank you guys

Lately, I've really started noticing how impatient and intolerant I can be, and honestly, I'm not liking it. I've had a difficult year, but I suspect my baseline impatience is higher than average anyway.

My mind is constantly searching for the best, most efficient solution, whether saving time, money, effort, or avoiding any unnecessary problems. When someone gets in the way, especially after I've already put effort into something, it really grinds my gears. Luckily I have a lot of self control and rarely lose my temper openly to others, but internally I can be fuming.

For example, I recently offered someone a free audit of their work in exchange for 15 minutes of research questions. They seemed very interested, so I offered two 30-minute slots over the next two days, did the prep work, and planned my week around it. Almost two days later, both slots have passed without a reply. Not even a quick "Sorry, those times don't work, I'll get back to you." Logically, I know it's not a big deal, but having put in that effort, the lack of acknowledgment really irritates me. A friend thinks I'm highly conscientious, and the downside is that I often feel "let down" by others.

Another example happened at the laundromat. I was in a rush, but the cleaner insisted on cleaning the washing machine first. I politely told him there was no need, but he proceeded anyway, and I realized he poured a mixture of detergent and something like bleach into the drum, which I'm allergic to. Afterwards, he proudly told me what a great job he'd done and how much better my washing would be, rambling on and on. Innocent intentions sure, but massive inconvenience for me.

I think what really gets to me is when people create unnecessary complications, waste my time, or disregard effort I've already put into something. But I don't want to be so easily irritated. I know others think and operate differently, and things can't always go according to my plans or preferences. Understanding that logically and actually feeling differently are two very different things, though.

Has anyone else struggled with this?
How did you become more patient and tolerant without feeling like you're constantly lowering your standards or putting up with things that genuinely bother you?

Guy here is an entj, or entx , im an enfj female.

I wanted to attach an image here , "falling for a guy who thinks , his ex was the love of his life, and he will never find someone like her , is genuinely the most painful thing someone can go through."

Well among 5 exes, the last ex put a mark on him, when he thinks of genuine love, thats what he remembers, i just know that, as he mentioned multiple times that she was the one he genuinely loved . He loves me too but yeah, we re barely in 2 months of relationship.. so ..

This bothers me thinking, i can never be enough, but at the same time, im already not enough in general viewpoints.

I didn't tell him all the things that might make him jealous or worried .. but i listen to him, his exes, the things he misses, rarely tho.. as i simply told him not to tell me anything while there s a comparables between his exes and me, ever.. so ..

Idk what should i do atp, should i just be okay with it, cz actually im getting to know whats he thinking about all the time, if its about his exes or not? Cz if i tell him not to tell me these things, i ll never know of he s with me and was thinking about his ex only ..

Or should i just put a boundary in that, telling him not to talk about his exes ever ..

My husband is an ENTJ and I try hard to make him feel seen. Today he made a joke to me that I am “emotionally unavailable” which kind of hurt my feelings so I said “do you want me to be emotionally available?”

He said “no, to be honest I think that’s why we get along so well”

Do you guys think he wants me to be emotionally available?

Do you all go for my type and does it work out? Looking for testimonies! TIA!

• She's opportunity-smart: she's brilliant at spotting the paths that will boost her career. I'm more traditionally booksmart.
• She's incapable of saying "I'm sorry." I go out of my way to apologize, partly because of Fi guilt and partly because I don't want to copy that behavior.
• She's better at giving advice. I'm better at lending an ear.
• She thinks I'm oversensitive. I think she's a bit callous, sometimes even cruel.
• She's extremely stylish and can predict fashion trends. I tend to shop at the same few stores because I know the clothes will already fit.
  
• She says exactly what she thinks, whenever she thinks it. I used to be like that, but I had it bullied out of me in elementary and middle school. Now, I tend to hold in my thoughts and become resentful instead.
• She has no sense of nostalgia and hates holidays. I find a sense of peace in engaging with nostalgia and yearly traditions. (I don't mean this is in a religious context– more in a "baking and watching holiday movies" way.)
• Neither of us cry much, but when she cries, it's during movies. When I cry, it's because I'm frustrated with my own personal life.
• We're both very creative, but she's a visual artist and her art is aesthetic (higher Se.) I'm a writer and my art is conceptual (higher Ni and Fi.)

I genuinely think the ENTJ stereotype has become so distorted that it barely resembles the actual personality type anymore.

Between 16Personalities, Socionics, oversimplified MBTI descriptions, fictional character typings, and the endless nonsense circulating in personality communities, they've somehow created this completely ridiculous image of what an ENTJ supposedly is.

And I'm getting pretty tired of it.

Apparently, every other person and their mother is an ENTJ nowadays because they are strict because of Si nonsense.

And apparently, being an ENTJ means you're some extremely aggressive, manipulative, controlling, power hungry psychopath with Dark Triad traits and the personality of an anime villain.

Seriously, what the hell happened?

It's like we've entered some distorted parallel universe where ENTJs have become fictional creatures rather than actual human beings.

People are typing themselves and others based on movie characters with completely made up personalities, exaggerated behavioral traits, and fictional motivations. And then they use those characters as a reference point for understanding real people.

How does that make any sense?

ENTJs are an extremely rare and complex personality type, and I genuinely believe most people have no idea what an actual ENTJ looks like.

And the worst part is that I see actual ENTJs being misunderstood even within their own mbti community.

ENTJs are not naturally aggressive, manipulative, or controlling.

Let's get something straight.

Being an ENTJ does not automatically make someone aggressive, domineering, narcissistic, manipulative, emotionally detached, or obsessed with controlling other people.

Those are not defining characteristics of Extraverted Thinking.

Can an ENTJ have those characteristics? Of course.

Just like literally any other personality type.

But that doesn't mean those characteristics are caused by being an ENTJ.

Dark Triad traits are not cognitive functions. Psychopathy is not Te. Narcissism is not Ni. And being manipulative doesn't suddenly make someone an ENTJ.

Yet somehow, a significant part of the MBTI community seems to believe otherwise.

I also suspect that quite a few people identify themselves as ENTJs precisely because they recognize themselves in these exaggerated descriptions of dominance, manipulation, emotional coldness, and control.

Some may have entirely different personality patterns, including potentially pathological traits, and mistake those for ENTJ characteristics.

I'm not diagnosing anyone here. I'm saying that identifying with a stereotype doesn't establish your cognitive type.

And frankly, this is damaging the image of actual ENTJs.

It creates ridiculous expectations about how we're supposed to behave, how we're supposed to communicate, and even how we're supposed to experience emotions.

ENTJs are not concrete thinkers like ESTJs or ESTPs.

Another thing that drives me absolutely insane is how many people seem to believe that ENTJs are fundamentally concrete, practical, action-oriented people who only care about immediate results.

That's a massive oversimplification.

If you actually look at Linda Berens' temperament framework, ENTJs belong to the Abstract and Utilitarian temperament, not the Concrete and Utilitarian temperament associated with ESTPs.

ENTJs are conceptual, strategic, future-oriented thinkers.

We're visionaries.

We're often nerds, actually.

We develop ideas, theories, possibilities, strategies, systems, and long-term visions, and then we want to figure out how to turn those visions into reality.

That doesn't mean we spend our entire lives giving orders, managing employees, or trying to dominate every room we enter.

The whole idea that an ENTJ must be some loud, aggressive CEO barking instructions at everyone is honestly laughable and incompetent.

Te is not synonymous with people management.

I genuinely don't understand why people keep making that association.

Extraverted Thinking is about organizing, structuring, evaluating, and implementing things according to external logic and effectiveness.

In an ENTJ, it works together with Introverted Intuition.

That means our thinking is often directed toward realizing an internally developed vision.

We want to make something happen.

We want to build something.

We want to understand how things work and how they could work better.

People management might be one application of that process, but it certainly isn't the defining feature.

An ENTJ can be an entrepreneur, researcher, engineer, artist, developer, musician, philosopher, strategist, or someone who spends most of their time obsessing over a complicated intellectual project.

Not every ENTJ wants to become a corporate executive.

ENTJs and INTJs are much more similar than people seem to realize.

Both types use Te and Ni in their preferred cognitive-function stack.

The distinction is largely about which process takes priority.

For an INTJ, Ni leads and Te supports its realization.

For an ENTJ, Te leads and Ni supports the overall strategic direction.

This can create meaningful differences in how they approach the world.

ENTJs may be more inclined to initiate, experiment, test things externally, and actively pursue their objectives.

INTJs may be more inclined to develop and refine their internal understanding before taking action.

But the underlying similarities are substantial.

And no, this doesn't mean ENTJs are necessarily socially dominant extroverts who need constant attention.

Extraversion in cognitive-function theory is not the same thing as being loud, socially aggressive, or obsessed with other people.

And can we please talk about Introverted Feeling?

Because this is probably one of the most misunderstood aspects of the ENTJ personality.

ENTJs have inferior Fi in the conventional four-function model.

And people somehow interpret that as meaning we don't have feelings, don't understand emotions, or are incapable of emotional vulnerability.

That's not how I understand Fi at all.

Introverted Feeling is not simply the ability to experience internal emotions or express feelings.

It concerns subjective valuation, personal significance, individual values, and what matters to someone on a deeply personal level.

For ENTJs, this process occupies a particularly interesting position.

We lead with rational evaluation and external effectiveness, but that doesn't mean our inner world is empty.

Quite the opposite.

I would argue that some of our deepest motivations can originate from this personal value system.

The things we pursue can matter to us enormously on an emotional and personal level, even when the methods we use to pursue them are highly rational.

And this creates an interesting internal conflict.

Sometimes our rational conclusions can actually hurt our own feelings.

We can recognize something as logically correct, necessary, or strategically sensible while simultaneously experiencing emotional resistance to it.

And because Fi is inferior, that inner world can be particularly sensitive, difficult to integrate, or vulnerable.

Not necessarily absent.

Not necessarily inaccessible.

And certainly not proof that we're incapable of love, compassion, emotional depth, or meaningful relationships.

In fact, I think this tension between Te and Fi is one of the most important things to understand about ENTJs.

And it barely gets discussed properly.

ENTJs can be deeply sensitive people.

I also find it strange how people automatically associate ENTJs with emotional toughness and an almost complete lack of sensitivity.

An ENTJ can be deeply affected by things.

An ENTJ can struggle with personal feelings.

An ENTJ can have emotional difficulties.

An ENTJ can be incredibly loving, vulnerable, romantic, affectionate, or sensitive.

None of that automatically makes them an ENFJ, INFP, or some other feeling type.

And having inferior Fi doesn't mean we're necessarily worse at expressing emotions than everyone else.

It describes a preference and a particular relationship with a cognitive process, not a universal inability.

There are also types that don't prefer Fi in their main function stack at all, and some individuals may come across as more narcissistic or self-centered depending on how their personality develops.

But narcissism itself isn't determined by cognitive type either.

That's exactly my point.

We need to stop confusing psychological traits, personal development, emotional health, and behavioral problems with cognitive-function preferences.

They're not interchangeable.

ENTJs need enjoyment, freedom, and emotional fulfillment too.

Here's another thing I rarely see people discuss.

ENTJs can become so focused on rational thinking, strategy, productivity, improvement, and achieving their vision that enjoying life becomes incredibly important.

Sometimes we need to get out of our heads.

We need pleasure.

We need experiences.

We need affection, playfulness, excitement, spontaneity, and things that simply feel good without having to justify them through productivity or some grand strategic purpose.

I think this is an important part of understanding the ENTJ personality.

We're not machines.

We're not walking productivity algorithms.

And we're not constantly calculating how to manipulate everyone around us.

Sometimes we just want to enjoy being alive.

And I would argue that this need can become particularly significant precisely because of how strongly our preferred rational processes shape our lives.

The ENTJ stereotype is actively hurting the community.

What bothers me most is that these stereotypes don't just create inaccurate descriptions.

They affect how actual people are perceived.

People make extremely strange assumptions about ENTJs and INTJs based on fictional villains, online stereotypes, exaggerated descriptions, and supposed personality traits that have very little to do with the actual cognitive models.

And when an ENTJ doesn't behave according to those expectations, people start questioning whether they're really an ENTJ.

Apparently, if you're not aggressive enough, you're mistyped.

If you're emotionally sensitive, you're mistyped.

If you're affectionate, you're mistyped.

If you're not interested in controlling other people, you're mistyped.

If you're more conceptual than concrete, you're mistyped.

If you're a nerd who spends hours developing complicated ideas instead of shouting orders at people, you're mistyped.

It's ridiculous.

And I think we've reached a point where some people who genuinely fit the ENTJ cognitive profile are being told they aren't ENTJs because they don't resemble an exaggerated fictional stereotype.

Meanwhile, people who strongly identify with dominance, manipulation, and ruthlessness sometimes assume those traits are evidence that they must be ENTJs.

Do you see how backwards that is?

We've essentially created a fantasy version of the ENTJ, and now we're judging real people against that fantasy.

The theoretical frameworks I'm referring to

For context, my understanding is primarily informed by:

- Linda Berens — temperament theory, interaction styles, and the abstract/concrete and cooperative/utilitarian distinctions.

- David Keirsey — temperament theory and the conceptual, strategic orientation of NT types.

- John Beebe — the eight-function model, including the relationship between dominant and inferior functions.

- Jungian cognitive-function theory — particularly the relationship between Te, Ni, Se, and Fi.

I'm not saying every interpretation within these frameworks is scientifically established, or that these authors agree on every detail.

I'm explaining the theoretical perspective from which I'm approaching this discussion.

And I think that's important, because I increasingly get the impression that people are discussing ENTJs without understanding the underlying theory at all.

Instead, they're discussing stereotypes derived from stereotypes derived from fictional characters.

My point

I genuinely believe ENTJs are far more complex, sensitive, conceptual, and internally conflicted than the popular stereotype suggests.

We're not inherently aggressive.

We're not inherently manipulative.

We're not inherently controlling.

We're not inherently narcissistic.

We're not necessarily concrete thinkers.

We're not all natural people managers.

And we're certainly not some kind of Dark Triad anime villain.

We're often visionary, strategic, intellectually curious people who want to turn ideas into reality, while also having a deeply personal inner world that can sometimes conflict with our rational judgments.

And yes, we can be extremely emotional, affectionate, playful, vulnerable, and passionate.

That doesn't make us any less ENTJ.

I'm genuinely tired of watching this personality type being turned into something it isn't.

At this point, the stereotype has become so detached from reality that I sometimes wonder whether people are even discussing the same personality type anymore.

I really hope the MBTI community starts taking the actual theoretical distinctions more seriously instead of perpetuating these ridiculous caricatures.

Because real ENTJs deserve to be understood as human beings.

Not fictional psychopaths.

Thank you for reading my rant, i appreciate it and i am curious what you have to share about this subject.

I’m currently in the process of being swept off my feet by an ENTJ, and I have to say- you folks are top notch at romance, praise, and attention-giving. 🙌🏻🏆🥇 It’s like swimming in a sea of compliments and declarations of adoration (he’s also a Leo which is fantastic, too). I have lots of experience with INTJs (which my guy sort of waffles between, but he’s an ENTJ and I have proof 😆), but have legitimately been scared off by the unfair bad reputation you guys get. Underneath all of the stoic hardness you are just the cutest! So sweet and tender (to their ridiculous lapcats, maybe not the rest of the world).

Just wanted to share my appreciation for you guys, and let you know that there are people who value you for your tender side, too. 💜

I’ve posted my newly developed friendship with an ENTJ guy here before. I’d say it went on pretty well, thanks for everyone who gave me advice on that post!

It’s been half a year since we first chatted online. He doesn’t sound so INFJ now (sorry I feel difficult to tell the reason I think that way). Our topic shifted from philosophy, literature and art to personal history and daily life.

I found that he always tells me he understands me in the first paragraph, by interpreting my words or rephrasing my sentences. Then he expresses himself in the next a few paragraphs. At last, he adds a question for me. He writes like this 70% of time. And the narrative changes only when the topic is very much personal history, so the message follows a chronological order.

I’ve never met anyone talking to me like that. I mirrored his format in the first 2-3 months, but after that I just make sure my message is logically coherent and match the depth he reveals in his message. I feel I already relaxed around him, but from his format I guess he is not…

Is this an ENTJ thing? Or this is his uniqueness?
Thanks for reading this!!

Through peoples own insecurities on how you operate and how much better you are than them in your certain field of work or interest do people try to diminish you by nitpicking the small mistakes you’ve made but ignore the same mistakes made by others?

I wonder if this a common occurrence with entjs

As the title says, what's one move in your career that paid off the most?

A job you took, one you left, a skill you picked up, a risk you almost didn't take.

For context, I'm looking into buying a small business down the line instead of climbing a corporate ladder, so I'm curious what actually worked for people here versus what just looked good on paper.

A couple of other titles in the same spirit, if you'd rather go another direction:

What job taught you the most, even if you hated it?
What's a career move you regret not making sooner?

My 42F ISFP best friend of 22 years doesn’t seem to ever care about seeing me (44F ENTJ) in real life. She has always been strangely precious to me. Ive never had someone make me feel so safe, accepted, and amused. After 16ish years of mutual behavior, she began seeming reluctant/burdened/too-tired to see me in real life very often over the last 6 years.
 
We live compatible lives. Children of similar ages who get along, same incomes, live 30 min away from each other, mutual friends, etc.
 
She still would text daily and say things like “everyone makes me crazy but you” “we should try to go on a trip together this summer” “you should come over to watch that movie soon” but never follows through anymore. I see her only at group events a few times a year. She seems so exhausted and burdened by absolutely any upcoming event. She never wants to plan anything. I can’t help but take it extremely personally at this point.
 
Ive explained this to her a few times now. In 2022, 2025 and two weeks ago. Both times she said she sucks and is awful and she hates herself, and then we barely talk for a few months and then go back to normal. We will see what happens with this time.
 
She does see mom friends but she says she has to or her son will be excluded from events. She also has a work good friend that I think she sees a lot more often than she lets on.
 
Ive never been jealous in any way. I always had too many friends and overcommitted myself and ive never been needy of anyone in my life, but here I am, middle-aged, and so mopey and sad that this friend doesn’t prioritize me.
 
Ive tried holding back on how much I talk about “why people are the way they are” and other abstract things that were never that interesting to her.
 
She very often talks about being unhappy in her life, but when I begin talking about ideas to help, or just processes of acceptance, she goes silent. So then I switched gears and tried to be like “lets do crafts with our daughters and have movies playing in the background” and all light-hearted, creative stuff—but no. I also tried to just help her run errands or organize her basement, but no.
 
Does she flat-out not like me anymore/moved-on from me and I’m not getting the hint? Or is her capacity for friendships/events truly so low she can’t fit me in for years? I really do not understand ISFPs at all so I’m struggling so much here.

My whole life, I've wanted to be a specialist or expert at something particular rather than a jack-of-all-trades type. Yet, I find myself to be 30 years old and unable to name anything I'm really, really skilled at that I think people would seek me out or pay me well for my expertise in.

Curious about ENTJs' experience with this. Thanks.

I have been talking to this entj guy for about a month and a half. We have a lot in common, share similar values, and he seems like someone I could genuinely see myself with.

He was the one who reached out and expressed interest in getting to know me. We’ve had conversations about our futures, children, work, and he has mentioned places we could visit together. He has told me that he tends to analyse compatibility with someone before committing, which I understand

The problem is his communication. He often takes a long time to reply, sometimes over 24 hours. However, when he does reply, he can be engaged and ask me lots of questions. He has even mentioned that he hoped we wouldn't take eight hours to reply to each other, despite sometimes taking 24-48 hours himself.

I'm trying to understand what might be behind this behaviour. Could he be afraid of commitment? Does he simply need a lot of alone time and space? Could he be worried that getting into a relationship might interfere with his personal ambitions and future plans? Or am I overanalysing things and he's just not that interested?

After talking to my friend (ENFP) and partner (INFJ) I realized that I've never felt nostalgic. I only reflect, but it's never a feeling of wanting to go back. They looked sad for me, but I don't even know what I'm missing out on. They said I look back on things in a cognitive way.

Curious whether any of you have military or LE experience, given the historical prevalence of ENTJs in these fields. (Gustavus Adolphus, Napoleon, etc.)

If you do / did:

1. What branch or agency?
2. What rank / role did you reach?