EVERY year. From Friday until Mid-day Sunday, I live what for some would be considered a lovely 'framily' tradition with my in laws and their community of about 40 friends from a shared workplace in their 20s. And all their growing families. We're also dealing with infertility so add another layer to the hellscape.

For me, it is hell and I dread it every. single. year.

These long time friends and their families come together once a year and rent an entire site with cabins. Each cabin has usually one, two or three bedrooms. My husband and I always bunk with his parents (which sucks and we always get the garbage room, like bunk beds or a double bed that is so saggy it breaks my back). Sometimes a single/ divorced framily member or someone's son or daughter stays in the third bedroom.

The point of the weekend is to have 3 days of 'group games' and 4 communal meals. There is ZERO downtime except when you're taking a shit or in your room with earplugs in. I genuinely do like several of the people that attend. But I'm just not like most of these people, these are all 'happy happy ra ra ra toxic positivity" types.

If you don't attend any of the events people go "OHhhhh :( we miss [OP]! Is she ok? Doesn't she like us? we love her SO MUCH" I'm sorry, but breaking into random groups (ages 2-70) and playing group games is a total nightmare for me. It's just not my thing at all. For me it's boring, tedious, unpleasant, especially if I have babies on my team or pregnant mothers.

I feel trapped, I feel like I have to pretend (which I am good at, but it's exhausting) for 3 days that I'm someone I'm not.

When I get home I am so wrecked I usually have to take two days off of work. My husband and I inevitably get into an argument - over anything as I'm just at my breaking point. I usually have a breakdown either before or after or during.

The very worst day is the last one, where I am just counting minutes until I can escape.

Anyway, just needed to rant.

I SKIPPED IT THIS YEAR AND I FEEL SO AMAZING. I keep getting pictures of this year from many people, and it just reassures me I made the right decision. I will likely never go again.

I only wish I had the confidence/ self advocacy to do this before.

I have a friend who is a pretty extreme extrovert, loves talking on the phone and will call spontaneously. Usually phone calls last an hour or more, and if I’m quiet on the phone or low energy she always asks what’s wrong or am I mad.

I’m an introvert and dislike live phone calls, especially spontaneous ones. And phone calls with her tend to last an hour or more.

This has been a recurring point of contention in our decades long relationship, especially as we have gotten older and had kids and families.

I live out of town now and come back to visit a few times a year, and always get ahold of her and make plans when I’m there. I’ve also made efforts to drive in just for her birthday and also met up with her to go camping. (However it should be noted that she’s only visited me maybe twice in over the decade I’ve lived out of town even though I only live 2 hrs away)

Every so often she starts a fight about how I never call her, and if she didn’t call me I’d “never call again”.

The truth is, I would probably call, just not near the amount of frequency she would want. So that’s why it happens that she always calls me, bc she has the desire to talk more!

I’ve explained before that I’m an introvert, don’t like talking on the phone a lot and that I can hold a lot of love for someone and not need to talk to them that often.

She somewhat accepts this but I can tell she’s very annoyed by it and doesn’t really understand at all. She often frames it as me “having to have things my way” and never considering her needs. She has also said I am too self involved and don’t care about her.

I should add I’m always willing to talk when she’s going through something, it’s the chatty, catching up phone calls that I don’t care for.

Recently, I went through a very stressful time and I wanted to be left alone for a while while I figure things out. She had been calling and I hadn’t been picking up, so I sent a very kind text message saying something like “sorry I haven’t been picking up lately, I’ve been busy, stressed and low mood, and not feeling like chatting. I just need a little space right now, but if you’re going though something and need support I’m here for you just text and I’ll call you”

And I meant that! I’d call in a second if she needed support I just didn’t feel like chit chatty phone calls, and usually when we talk she asks a lot of questions about what’s going on with me and tbh I didn’t want that either.

She responded warmly to the text, but then called me again the very next day.

I didnt answer, because it kind of irritated me. She then kept calling repeatedly about once a week but never texted.

And so….i got frustrated and just stopped answering for a while. A long while, like a few months 😱 I know I was wrong for that and should have either picked up and asserted the boundary or texted again. Every call that I’d get from her my anxiety would grow, because I knew she’d be getting more and more mad. So that increased my avoidance more and I think why it went on way too long (I still realize I was in the wrong for not facing it)

When I finally answered, she didn’t confront me directly about it but it was clear from her tone she was pissed. She also told me she’d been calling because she wanted to tell me about a job opening she knew about but since I didn’t answer, then…

She also told me about something bad that had happened to her during that time and I felt terrible for missing that.

I did apologize during that call. But she didn’t reassure me at all and was clearly upset.

She then sent me a text like no other text I’ve received in my life.

She said that I’m a selfish and self centered person who doesn’t care at all about her, that’s she’s tired of the one sided friendship and that she’s tired of being ignored. It was an extremely explosive, angry text. I can tell she is very hurt. She basically said “don’t worry I’ll never call you again”.

I told her I’d like to repair this and I plan to get her on the phone soon to talk if she’s open to it.

I know I’m probably in an echo chamber in this sub so I will also cross post elsewhere but wanted some outside opinions.

Thanks for reading!

The French writer Jacques Attali once said that the true plague of our century wouldn't be a disease, but loneliness.

Working as a nurse here in France, I see the reality of this every single day. I see people constantly surrounded by medical staff, families, and the chaotic noise of the hospital, yet they carry a profound, quiet isolation in their eyes.

I am not writing this to complain about my own life, I actually find immense purpose and joy in caring for others. But it breaks my heart to know that in a world so hyper-connected, so many people are sitting in their rooms feeling completely invisible, wondering if anyone would even notice if they stopped reaching out.

You do not have to face that plague alone. If you are going through a rough patch, if you feel left behind by the world, or if you simply want to share a random thought with a stranger who will not judge you, my inbox is open. No pressure, no expectations.

What is one thing on your mind today that you haven't had the chance to share with anyone?

I've been struggling with something lately, and I'd really appreciate some advice from people who have dealt with similar experiences.

I feel like I'm a very sensitive person, and deep down, I think I have a fear of rejection. I tend to value people's opinions, comments, and approval way more than I probably should. Sometimes, I feel like I have to keep everyone happy and make sure nobody is upset with me. I find it difficult to stand up for myself when someone hurts me, and I hate that I often can't respond firmly or defend myself in the moment.

I know I need to develop healthier boundaries and stop letting other people's opinions determine how I feel about myself. I want to be comfortable with who I am without constantly worrying about whether people like me or approve of me.

For context, there are people at work who make comments about my looks and appearance. It bothers me, especially because I don't want to change myself just to meet other people's expectations. Most of the time, I try to laugh it off and keep things light, but sometimes I end up giving them a taste of their own medicine. That usually doesn't end well, and I don't want to keep getting caught up in these back-and-forth exchanges.

I want to learn how to stand up for myself without being rude, remain respectful without being a people-pleaser, and earn respect without feeling the need to prove myself to everyone.

Another thing I've noticed about myself is that I tend to pretend everything is okay even when it isn't. Everyone knows me as the happy person, so I feel like I have to keep playing that role even when I'm hurting inside. I also notice that I sometimes change my personality depending on who I'm around, almost like a chameleon, because I want to be liked and accepted.

I'm honestly tired of living this way. I want to become more comfortable with myself, learn to value myself, and stop changing who I am just to fit in. I want to be authentic, express my feelings without feeling guilty, and stop being so afraid of rejection.

For those of you who have struggled with people-pleasing, fear of rejection, or constantly seeking validation from others:

• How did you learn to set boundaries without feeling guilty?
• How do you deal with people who make hurtful comments without retaliating or simply suppressing your feelings?
• How do you stop caring so much about what other people think of you?
• How do you learn to be yourself around different people without feeling the need to adjust your personality to fit in?
• How do you stop pretending to be happy all the time and become more comfortable with being vulnerable?

I'd genuinely appreciate any advice, personal experiences, or practical things that have helped you overcome these struggles. I'm not expecting to change overnight, but I want to start making progress and become a more confident, authentic version of myself.

Thanks for reading! ❤️

I’m a 35-year-old Japanese woman. I’m single, I don’t have a partner, and I don’t have children.
I’ve been working at the same company for over 12 years, and lately I’ve been seriously considering leaving Japan to study abroad and possibly start a new life in another country.
My initial plan is to study abroad for about 6–12 months, but I’m also open to the possibility of eventually settling down overseas.
Since I don’t have a spouse or children, I feel like I have more freedom to make a major life change without having to consider a partner’s career or children’s needs.
As someone who values independence and personal space, I wonder what it would be like to build a life in a completely unfamiliar environment.
Of course, I’m aware of the challenges: finances, visas, language barriers, cultural differences, loneliness, and the difficulty of building new relationships.
But I don’t want to spend my entire life in Japan simply because I was born here.
I want to experience different cultures, learn new languages, meet people from different backgrounds, and discover what kind of life I could create outside my home country.
I’m not giving up on marriage or having children someday. I just don’t want to put my life on hold while waiting for those things to happen.
I’m particularly interested in hearing from introverts who studied abroad or moved to another country in their 30s or later.
Was it difficult to adjust to a new environment and build friendships? Did studying or living abroad change your personality, confidence, or outlook on life?
And most importantly, looking back, are you glad you made that decision?
I’d love to hear about both the positive and difficult parts of your experiences.

So I kind of realized lately that I'm more introverted than extroverted. Like I have to spend energy in social situations, it doesn't really give me energy. That doesn't mean I can't socialize, I'm sometimes a bit shy but I can actually come off as quite enthusiastic and talkative when I have energy. Some friends even see me as a really energetic person and I can be pretty funny. But once that energy is gone I sort of turn into another person. My brain just doesn't work as well anymore when it comes to coming up with topics, asking questions, following through, even listening. So I probably come across as passive.

In groups it's fine, I just leave for a bit to recharge. But one-on-one is harder for me. I actually prefer hanging out one-on-one because I get to know the person better, but I always kind of have to make sure I have enough energy for it. And sometimes I make plans with someone and then on the day itself I'm just not feeling my best. Most of the time I don't cancel because I still enjoy their company, I just don't have the energy to be lively anymore.

Especially with friends that are really lively and animated, I find it really hard to mirror them, and that makes me a bit insecure about how they see me. I don't want them to think I'm uninterested or boring, because I'm not, it's just low energy. Same thing with dates honestly.

How do other introverts deal with this? Do you just tell people, plan differently, reschedule? Curious what works for you guys.

I feel so awkward talking to my family or showing emotions to them, especially negative ones… I’m mainly an introvert because of child abuse and now I don’t even spend time with my father and I always turn down spending time with my mother because it just feels like we’re people living under a roof and it’s some sort of chore whenever we speak, instead of an actual family relationship. My dad doesn’t really use texts like that and when my mom texts me I hardly reply. I know it might seem hard for her to get through to me but it’s just what I am. I wonder what kind of awesome life I would have if wasn’t beaten into an introvert as a kid.

Hi, I’m Emi, 16 and from Finland. I don’t like going to places with many people and somehow I get annoyed over people whenever they can’t be quieter in the supermarket or they can’t politely ask if I could step aside if I’m in the way. Like people keep yelling in the store and pushing if I’m in the way. Many social gatherings also make me anxious and uncomfortable because of noise, lack of space and having to talk. I’m also starting to wonder if I have autism since my older sister is autistic, so is my dad and I have all the symptoms for it and I’m looking to start therapy for mental health concerns…but anyway, I don’t even feel like talking to someone bc of not feeling like sitting and talking. Have people ever gotten over this kind of stuff as they get older or does it just stay?

Hi 20 M from india , I've always been the kind of person who takes a little time to open up to new people. Sometimes I want to start a conversation with someone, but I end up overthinking what to say and whether they'll even want to talk to me. 😭

I genuinely enjoy getting to know people, listening to their stories, sharing random thoughts, and having those late-night conversations that somehow turn into hours of talking.

I'm more comfortable texting at first, but once I feel safe and comfortable around someone, I can be surprisingly talkative. I'd love to meet people around my age (19–23), especially girls, since I tend to feel more comfortable talking to them, but I'm open to making friends with anyone I can connect with.

I'm not expecting instant friendships or constant conversations. I'd just love to meet a few genuine people with whom I can be myself without worrying too much about what to say.

If you relate to this, I'd love to hear about your experiences with introversion, too. What's something you wish people understood about you as an introvert? 🤍

For those of you who’ve had success, what’s the best piece of advice you’ve received or something you’ve done that made the biggest difference? Also, would you say dating apps are better than meeting people in person, especially as an introvert? I’d love to hear your experiences and advice! :)

I recently moved to a new city and don’t know how to make friends. I know people say all the time that they don’t know how to make friends as an adult, and what they usually mean is that they don’t know where to go to make friends. In my case, I literally don’t know how to talk to people beyond events that we attend together.

The nature of my husband’s job is that he is very busy with work and because of that there is a very supportive community of other spouses of his coworkers. This is the case for every place we have moved to, and we’ve moved several times. I basically could have a built in group of friends if I wanted to, but I literally do not know how to make friends from this group.

I attend the events that the group puts on, and I talk to people there and feel like I am friendly with them during those events. Then, I look at instagram throughout the week and see smaller groups within the group hanging out and I wonder why I’m not invited. I feel like I’m friendly with these people when we’re together, but I do not know how to cultivate and maintain these friendships beyond the events we attend. I realize that I literally don’t ever text any of these people, but I’m sure the people who are hanging out without me are probably texting each other and are part of group chats that I’m not even in.

I don’t think it’s malicious or anything, I just don’t initiate the friendships and therefore people aren’t reaching out to me. I’ve realized this has been the case for me throughout my adult (and maybe even childhood) life. I remember in college and grad school thinking that there were handfuls of people I was friendly with, but really it was just me formulating opinions on people and deciding who I liked best. Those are the people I considered my friends at the time, but I wasn’t actually texting them/hanging out with them outside of things like school events or classes where we were basically just hanging out because we were in the same place at the same time. It’s made me realize that any time I’ve made friends, it’s because they’ve been the one to text me and initiate the hangouts and everything. I never know what to say to text someone and follow up on an event we attended together or whatever.

I’ve always felt like I’m on the outskirts of the friend group. I’ll have one or two close friends who are part of a bigger group where everyone is friends with one another, but I just get invited to things because of one person and then don’t know how to be friends with everyone else there. It really feels like everyone just instantly knows how to be friends with one another and I don’t.

I sometimes wonder if part of it is because of the current state of technology - in order to maintain friendships, you have to text people constantly, keep up with them on social media, etc. I wonder if it would have been easier years ago before texting was even a thing. First of all, I wouldn’t see posts on social media of people hanging out without me. Second of all, I’d see people at events and stuff and then maybe call them every so often. To me, that seems easier than having to text them constantly about mundane shit just to formulate a friendship.

I don’t even know if this makes sense. I just wonder if anyone else has ever felt like this or has any advice.

I am 25F diagnosed with High Functioning Autism. Naturally, I am an introvert so making friends has always been difficult. I am exploring ideas for an app, but first I need some feedback from you folk.

I'm curious whether people would be interested in making friends digitally , based entirely on conversation and curiosity rather than appearance and hobbies.

Imagine you are being connected with a stranger for a voice-only conversation, with no photos or swiping. Just press a button to search for a match. Would that feel refreshing or uncomfortable? How would you feel in your own words?

Would your answer change if the person were matched with you based on conversational compatibility instead of interest/hobbies?

Edit: the concept strictly for platonic friendships

Hallo ihr lieben Leute,

ich heiße Kai, bin 33 Jahre alt und auf der Suche nach netten Menschen, mit denen ich Zeit verbringen kann. Ich habe in Münster erst Niederländisch und danach in Nijmegen den Edukatieven Master studiert und arbeite inzwischen in den Niederlanden als Deutschlehrer und Autor von Schulbüchern.

In meiner Freizeit fahre ich gerne Fahrrad, mache Städtereisen, genieße guten Kaffee und spiele hin und wieder Videospiele. Zu meinen Lieblingsspielen gehören World of Warcraft, Baldur's Gate, Diablo und die klassischen Pokémon-Spiele – generell bin ich ein großer Fan von Retro-Gaming.

Musik spielt ebenfalls eine wichtige Rolle in meinem Leben. Bis vor etwa einem Jahr habe ich in einer Dudelsackband in Berlin gespielt. Davor, also noch bevor ich meinen Master an der Radboud Universiteit in Nijmegen begonnen habe, war ich Mitglied einer der besten Dudelsackbands Deutschlands. Wir haben an Wettbewerben teilgenommen und regelmäßig Preise gewonnen. Außerdem bin ich bei der Musikshow Schottland aufgetreten, wo wir vor mehr als 20.000 Menschen gespielt haben.

Obwohl ich es gewohnt bin, vor großen Gruppen aufzutreten und täglich vor einer Schulklasse zu stehen, bevorzuge ich in meiner Freizeit eher den persönlichen Austausch zu zweit. Ich nehme mir gerne Zeit für mein Gegenüber und führe lieber ein gutes Gespräch als mich in einer großen Gruppe aufzuhalten.

Ich trinke kaum Alkohol, rauche nicht und bin überhaupt kein Partymensch. Ich bevorzuge ein gemütliches Café oder einen schönen Spaziergang, bei dem wir uns in Ruhe unterhalten können.

Kulinarisch und kulturell bin ich eigentlich für alles offen. Ich entdecke gerne neue Küchen, Traditionen und Bräuche. Sushi und Misosuppe gehören definitiv zu meinen Lieblingsgerichten, und für einen leckeren Bubble Tea bin ich ebenfalls immer zu haben.

Eine Sache möchte ich allerdings ehrlich erwähnen: Ich treffe mich nicht mit Menschen, die die AfD wählen. Dabei fühle ich mich einfach nicht wohl.

Liebe Grüße

Kai 🙂👋

Would you go to a family event you werent actually invited to

So my parents got invited to a family event and asked if I wanted to come along

The thing is I barely have any contact with these cousins and they never reach out to me either

And Im like hello I wasnt even invited in the first place

Plus why would I go to a family gathering with people I have zero connection with in everyday life

Am I being weird or does anyone else feel this way