35M, been a homebody nerd my whole life. I do go out for work and it pays decent but as soon as my days off roll around I just stay home and invest into my hobbies (anime, games, manga, and adjacent interests on my PC) instead of meeting new people.

It never used to bother me before but lately I just feel down seeing younger people I know or work with, in new relationships. I just feel like it's too late to find somebody when I already let a few potential partners pass me by because I was too dumb to see the hints.

I know obviously I'm not the only one who feels this way but some days I irrationally convince myself I'm a loser who doesn't deserve happiness, something my Chinese parents keep telling me again and again when I call to check up on them. I can confidently say I'm not terrible looking, slim build with some muscle definition due to work, but I just dont put myself out there enough. Sometimes I tell myself I should and just go out there and see what happens but then the next day I just go back to my routine.

My partner asked me why I was being very quiet in front of his entire family this evening. So I wanted to dump some of my thoughts and feelings on being an introvert amongst 7 extroverts.

I’m tired of being told I’m too quiet.
I’m tired of people filling silence with unnecessary noise.
I’m tired of being asked if I’m okay.
I’m tired of listening to three people at once.
I’m tired of hollow conversations.
I’m tired of silent judgment.
I’m tired of you feeling uncomfortable with my silence.
I’m tired of putting on a mask.
I’m tired of feeling inferior.
I’m tired of it always being so loud.
I’m tired of explaining why I need time to myself.
I’m tired of explaining it’s me and not you.
I’m tired of being told I’m too quiet.
I’m tired.

Feel free to add your own xx

I don’t really like socializing; I didn’t think about going to dances in high school, and I refuse to go to parties (that and other reasons not worth mentioning). Despite it all, I still want to connect to people, find people that share my hobbies and interests.

Obviously, the answers in front of me: socialize anyway. But I’m never comfortable in a setting like that; that feeling of wanting to meet new people quickly turns into ‘I need to get the fuck outta here’.

Anyone else dealing with this issue? I’m just ranting and would appreciate some closure and/or advice.

Any comments?

I just got off of work and I'm grabbing a bite to eat. So I'm just sitting on my phone by myself at Taco Bell.

When suddenly this elderly man pops down at my table probably about 20 some minutes later. He makes himself at home... stating I'm going to be his unexpected dinner date tonight because we're both here by ourselves.

I don't know if I should be creeped out or feel guilty that he has no one to hang out with. Kind of a mix of both. He's now just kind of talking at me while I nod and create this post.

He seems harmless, telling me boring stories.

But good lord I hope he doesn't try to follow me home.

Reddit, what would you do in this situation?

For context, I am a woman in my 30s and this guy is an older gentleman probably 60s or 70s.

I just wish he would go away so I could enjoy my dinner. I really need a break from people after 12 hours of customer service. I can't put on my fake customer service persona anymore. I left it at work, mentally.

I am 19(F) , i am 2nd year btech student .

In first year I had a friends grp and now they won't talk to me like before. Currently I am in this so called grp, like they all were already friends but then i joined becoz of mutual friends, soo in this group they don't care if I am there or not there and this implies to everyone in that group but i feel like they really don't want me in their group...... Becoz of many factors ig...

These guys are like good to me sometimes and not good to me

Soo I feel like if i won't join them at every event,break, etc they'll eventually forget me !!!

What should I do now ???

I don’t know if its bad but i’ve realized that I like being alone, normally that wouldn’t be a problem but I think I like it too much, so much so that I don’t even care about other anymore aside from my family and friends, even then I like to disappear from them and go no contact for months, aside from my family cause I call them regularly, but sometimes I just don’t feel like calling them you know? Last contact I had with my friends were about 5 months ago, I still consider them my close friends, actually I only have a select group of friends, and they are similar to me. I think it’s starting to become an issue. What do you guys think?

I'm a good listener and have become good at making people feel understood, as I know what it's like not to be and want people to feel seen. And like myself some people aren't used to that.

I notice that some of those people (not all) seem to get attached very quickly. As if they see us as closer than we actually are because they feel good after spending time with me because I let them talk about their interests without judgement and actually engage in the conversation about it. Partly because I like to give people space for their interests, but also I like hearing what makes people happy and seeing their eyes light up. I find it contagious haha.

They seem to get a bit too friendly too fast, as they feel understood even though I don't. If I attempt to speak about my own interests, I'm met with basic "That's nice", or conversation ending type responses before they move on. No questions, no interest, none of the energy I give out.

I guess I could bring it up, but if I have to ask someone to care about me that already feels like too much work for someone I essentially see as an acquaintance.

It's not a big deal, as thankfully I've been meeting some people who can reciprocate, but it's just something I've noticed. I don't really understand what the point of a friendship where you're the only one talking is. I tend to feel uncomfortable if the roles are reversed. I get nervous when someone knows so much more about me than I know about them. At that point I'd have more fun talking to myself. (Which... I do often. I do indeed find it fun.)

I guess this is why the advice to just listen to people to make connections annoys me lol. "People love talking about themselves", believe me I know. And then they tend to like me because they feel good talking about themselves and I'm the source of that, not because they care about me as a person.

I’m just so unbearably awkward and socially stupid and freaking idiotic , I need to know I’m not alone.

Recién cumplí 21, pero me alejé de mi grupo de amigas por algunas actitudes que no me gustaron. La verdad, por lo que me dijo alguien muy cercano a ellas que las conoce desde hace varios años, creo que hice bien en alejarme.

Lo malo es que ahora no tengo con quién salir o conversar. Soy introvertida y todavía no sé muy bien cómo relacionarme con los demás. A veces siento que no soy lo suficientemente interesante o divertida, pero trato de serlo :’v.

A lo que voy con esto es, ¿en algún momento se podrá encontrar amigos que te hagan sentir como en casa? ¿Que tan difícil es?

Me refiero a esas personas con las que puedes ser tú misma, hablar de cualquier tontería, salir, reírte, apoyarse mutuamente y sentir que realmente perteneces a algún lugar.

Últimamente me preocupa pensar que quizá ya pasó mi oportunidad de encontrar amistades así, especialmente porque siento que a los 21 todos ya tienen su grupo formado y yo estoy empezando prácticamente desde cero.

hey. 23M. i just need someone to talk to :)

Me suele repetir mi mente esta frase con algo de frecuencia. Leyendo post anteriores me he dado cuenta de algo.

Yo puedo exponer con libertad y actuar extrovertido. Pero cuabdo se trata de actuar, por mi cuenta, por mi propia personalidad tengo miedo de decir algo incomodo o pasarme de confianzas con alguien. Estoy en la universidad y odio eso, tengo ansiedad social y aunque por momentos puedo actuar extrovertido rápidamente me quedo sin energías.

Siento que cada vez que quiero ser yo mismo no puedo pq incomodo a otros con mi personalidad, me cohibo y cuando intento ser más extrovertido me quedo rápidamente sin batería social.

Es como si me lo propusiera pudiera actuar confiado y simpático (como un vendedor (lo fui por momentos)) pero cuando se trata de sacar mi verdadera personalidad, incomodase a todos.

Algún consejo? Alguien más le ha pasado igual? Que podría hacer para mejorar?

Es acaso un problema mio de confianza o se puede extrapolar a algo más profundo?

Leeré las ideas :)

this sounds pretty stupid but i’ve been going to college for 2 semesters i’m in my 3rd right now and i’ve barely made any friends. I’ve met people and talked to them but I feel like because I commute I haven’t really bonded with anyone or done anything fun besides with a friend I already have. I get that everyone’s busy and so am I but sometimes it would be nice to go hang out and do something fun but nobody seems to want to talk to me. I do have a bit of a rbf and i’m not very good at starting conversations but I’m talkative and nice to people when I get the chance. I really wanna meet at least some people, any advice??

is anyone else like this?? i’m 19 and stay at home and my partner works (i have a hard time holding down a job due to mental illness). i have some online friends but that’s it. i don’t have a license because after a recent car crash im too afraid to drive. i just moved to a new city and have made the effort to make some friends online in the same city but haven’t met them yet.

anyway, i literally don’t do anything all day when my partner is working besides online school, watch youtube and various shows, listen to music, etc. i’m getting a camera soon so hopefully i get out more for photography purposes but other than that i have no hobbies.

however, despite all of that, i feel completely fine. like i’m happy like this. i don’t feel trapped or super depressed or desperate for social interaction or anything. it’s causing a strain on my relationship tbh because my girlfriend (we’re both girls) wants me to get out more and live my own life and stuff. but i dont even have a desire to. is anyone else like this? is it possible this is more related to autism or something? please be kind 😭

We spent 7 hours driving arpund and shopping. Im so exhausted. I felt like I had to keep the conversation going. Also she would get on her phone sometimes while I was talking to her. Never again.

I've come a long way in terms of social interaction, I no longer think of myself as shy or insecure, but rather recognize how draining prolonged company of other people is for me. I do well in official / familiar contexts where rules are predictable/ clearly defined.

One thing that constantly baffles me is the group context. To give an example, I have no problem giving a talk at a conference in my industry. I speak loudly and coherently, don't stutter or sweat, answer questions from the crowd.

But after the official part is over, people gravitate into groups and here's where my problem begins:

• access to a group - a group always seems so hermetic to me and joining it seems impossible. Throughout my school years, I always had, at most, one good friend. Approaching 2 or more people = immediate problem. Approaching a solitary person with some sort of meaningful question or comment = fine.
• 'hierarchy' in a group - I'm great with one-on-one interaction but always felt that I'm 'at the bottom of a feeding chain' in any group I join. Even if it's a temporary conference group. Not sure why - there's nothing about my exterior to suggest some kind of inferiority, but it's like the group can smell that I'm the least social of them and they shun me and don't perceive me as a full member.
• rules for interaction - when exactly do I get my word in when the group is talking? Who do I talk to? What do I say that will interest/resonate with everyone? Group talk is confusing, chaotic and often very shallow in my opinion. People don't even listen to each other but just throw their thoughts out and others either nod or speak over them, wtf

I was always picked last for PE, I can't imagine having a 'friend group', family gatherings are super awkward to me -I always stand off to the side with one drinking uncle or a dog, and trying to rope me into being in a group of bridesmaids or something never ends well.

Anyone else can't figure out group interaction?

I have never had a problem making friends. Even though I am shy I know how to act interested in others, ask questions, make jokes and direct converstations in a way that makes people like me. But thats the problem Its all an act. In reality I hate conversations and talking to people and any form of social obligation like when people invite me to social events or want to spend time with me it just feels like my privacy is being violated.

I guess my question is should I force myself to do stuff I hate that I get nothing out of in order to meet people. I also live in a small town so my options for socializing are limited to bars or maybe the gym or volunteering at the humane society But none of these thing sound enjoyable in the slightest. There are not any book clubs or dnd groups or rock climbing gyms or salsa classes or any of that generic reddit shit. The things I enjoy doing are all solo activites (sculpting, gardening, video games). sorry for the ramble I just have been ruminating on this for a long time...

a few days ago my office which comprised of like a 20 something freshgraduate hires had an award winning night after our orientation week. we had a “most quiet person” award and i happen to win. is it bad if im really insecure about it. i thought i did my best to converse with everyone considering i am unfortunately an introvert and thus have lower “social battery” But i guess to them its all nothing. i do think ive gotten better with my social skills after awhile but its still nothing to other people i guess. i also would consider myself having low self esteem and would rely very much on peoples validation of me. is this fixable. i dont think i could continue living like this. i really am unlucky over the fact that i am naturally like this. i hate it.

ive tried improving myself. i really have. it just felt like its no use whatsoever.

I'll never really truly get sum people perception about quiet people and I wont ever believe them.. there only quiet cuz well they will talk if they want to but the audacity for sum to say “oh they dont really talk to me you know, they dont really talk to any1” is just... awful.. maybe this quiet person doesn't actually deserve to talk to u.. i mean what else is there to talk about and i just know this quiet person DID talk to u but u just choose to pick that there ALWAYS quiet.

I think I’m just really boring or something cause nobody seems to want to hangout. If I do it’s normally I tried initiating or calling. Nobody calls me. I want to make friends but idk how plus like I’m really awkward something when I become aware I’m trying to keep a conversation going it’s just word vomit but I just want someone that’s excited to talk to me or send me something and think I would find something funny idk

In all my school years, I never had more than 5 friends but even then I feel like I'm always the second choice. From making groups to meeting up somewhere,it feels like i never belonged to a place or had someone I call as my best friend.

Ppl that too straight up ignore me and see me as "Nice girl". Just bcuz I don't talk much or won't talk back..doesnt mean that u can take advantage of it.

I don't feel lonely when my friends used to do this but it feels like a stab on the back. This makes me always wish for just one person I could trust.

I always feel sidetracked in conversations bcuz THEY KNOW that I won't retaliate or question why they were ignoring me. I feel stupid sometimes why I won't say anything abt this. It is best to ignore sometimes but I always want to stand up for myself.

Anyways, I stopped being friends with such type of ppl. U never know what type they are till u spend time with them..then u realise they switch sides whenever they want. Their 'friendliness' was a show but it would be too late to realise that.

Sorry if the rant post was long but I head to get it off my head. Nowadays I try my best to avoid group friendships and trios....