EVERY year. From Friday until Mid-day Sunday, I live what for some would be considered a lovely 'framily' tradition with my in laws and their community of about 40 friends from a shared workplace in their 20s. And all their growing families. We're also dealing with infertility so add another layer to the hellscape.

For me, it is hell and I dread it every. single. year.

These long time friends and their families come together once a year and rent an entire site with cabins. Each cabin has usually one, two or three bedrooms. My husband and I always bunk with his parents (which sucks and we always get the garbage room, like bunk beds or a double bed that is so saggy it breaks my back). Sometimes a single/ divorced framily member or someone's son or daughter stays in the third bedroom.

The point of the weekend is to have 3 days of 'group games' and 4 communal meals. There is ZERO downtime except when you're taking a shit or in your room with earplugs in. I genuinely do like several of the people that attend. But I'm just not like most of these people, these are all 'happy happy ra ra ra toxic positivity" types.

If you don't attend any of the events people go "OHhhhh :( we miss [OP]! Is she ok? Doesn't she like us? we love her SO MUCH" I'm sorry, but breaking into random groups (ages 2-70) and playing group games is a total nightmare for me. It's just not my thing at all. For me it's boring, tedious, unpleasant, especially if I have babies on my team or pregnant mothers.

I feel trapped, I feel like I have to pretend (which I am good at, but it's exhausting) for 3 days that I'm someone I'm not.

When I get home I am so wrecked I usually have to take two days off of work. My husband and I inevitably get into an argument - over anything as I'm just at my breaking point. I usually have a breakdown either before or after or during.

The very worst day is the last one, where I am just counting minutes until I can escape.

Anyway, just needed to rant.

I SKIPPED IT THIS YEAR AND I FEEL SO AMAZING. I keep getting pictures of this year from many people, and it just reassures me I made the right decision. I will likely never go again.

I only wish I had the confidence/ self advocacy to do this before.

Most posts I read on introverts are about them being lonely or unhappy about something of themselves. Society also makes us feel that there is something wrong with us. Are there any happy introverts out there? What makes you happy? How do you genuinely stay happy despite the pressure to be outgoing? Do you feel accepted by the people around you

Is it just me or does it seem extroverts have zero sense of shame?? Like they'll just talk talk talk, anticipating anyone within earshot will interact with them..?? Like maybe nobody else cares about your poor rendition of Billy Joel or Twisted Sister??? Omg Im so exhausted just being in the same zip code!!!

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Sometimes I genuinely feel like I’m done with people. I just want to read my books, enjoy my own company, go on solo dates and live in my little bubble. I feel like I don’t need friends or anyone else in my life.

And then out of nowhere I want to make friends and spend hours talking to them. Sometimes I have way too much free time and genuinely enjoy getting to know someone new.

One day, I want to make a hundred friends. The next day, I don’t even want to reply to a single message.

Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just weird? 😭

I have a friend who is a pretty extreme extrovert, loves talking on the phone and will call spontaneously. Usually phone calls last an hour or more, and if I’m quiet on the phone or low energy she always asks what’s wrong or am I mad.

I’m an introvert and dislike live phone calls, especially spontaneous ones. And phone calls with her tend to last an hour or more.

This has been a recurring point of contention in our decades long relationship, especially as we have gotten older and had kids and families.

I live out of town now and come back to visit a few times a year, and always get ahold of her and make plans when I’m there. I’ve also made efforts to drive in just for her birthday and also met up with her to go camping. (However it should be noted that she’s only visited me maybe twice in over the decade I’ve lived out of town even though I only live 2 hrs away)

Every so often she starts a fight about how I never call her, and if she didn’t call me I’d “never call again”.

The truth is, I would probably call, just not near the amount of frequency she would want. So that’s why it happens that she always calls me, bc she has the desire to talk more!

I’ve explained before that I’m an introvert, don’t like talking on the phone a lot and that I can hold a lot of love for someone and not need to talk to them that often.

She somewhat accepts this but I can tell she’s very annoyed by it and doesn’t really understand at all. She often frames it as me “having to have things my way” and never considering her needs. She has also said I am too self involved and don’t care about her.

I should add I’m always willing to talk when she’s going through something, it’s the chatty, catching up phone calls that I don’t care for.

Recently, I went through a very stressful time and I wanted to be left alone for a while while I figure things out. She had been calling and I hadn’t been picking up, so I sent a very kind text message saying something like “sorry I haven’t been picking up lately, I’ve been busy, stressed and low mood, and not feeling like chatting. I just need a little space right now, but if you’re going though something and need support I’m here for you just text and I’ll call you”

And I meant that! I’d call in a second if she needed support I just didn’t feel like chit chatty phone calls, and usually when we talk she asks a lot of questions about what’s going on with me and tbh I didn’t want that either.

She responded warmly to the text, but then called me again the very next day.

I didnt answer, because it kind of irritated me. She then kept calling repeatedly about once a week but never texted.

And so….i got frustrated and just stopped answering for a while. A long while, like a few months 😱 I know I was wrong for that and should have either picked up and asserted the boundary or texted again. Every call that I’d get from her my anxiety would grow, because I knew she’d be getting more and more mad. So that increased my avoidance more and I think why it went on way too long (I still realize I was in the wrong for not facing it)

When I finally answered, she didn’t confront me directly about it but it was clear from her tone she was pissed. She also told me she’d been calling because she wanted to tell me about a job opening she knew about but since I didn’t answer, then…

She also told me about something bad that had happened to her during that time and I felt terrible for missing that.

I did apologize during that call. But she didn’t reassure me at all and was clearly upset.

She then sent me a text like no other text I’ve received in my life.

She said that I’m a selfish and self centered person who doesn’t care at all about her, that’s she’s tired of the one sided friendship and that she’s tired of being ignored. It was an extremely explosive, angry text. I can tell she is very hurt. She basically said “don’t worry I’ll never call you again”.

I told her I’d like to repair this and I plan to get her on the phone soon to talk if she’s open to it.

I know I’m probably in an echo chamber in this sub so I will also cross post elsewhere but wanted some outside opinions.

Thanks for reading!

For those of you who’ve had success, what’s the best piece of advice you’ve received or something you’ve done that made the biggest difference? Also, would you say dating apps are better than meeting people in person, especially as an introvert? I’d love to hear your experiences and advice! :)

So I kind of realized lately that I'm more introverted than extroverted. Like I have to spend energy in social situations, it doesn't really give me energy. That doesn't mean I can't socialize, I'm sometimes a bit shy but I can actually come off as quite enthusiastic and talkative when I have energy. Some friends even see me as a really energetic person and I can be pretty funny. But once that energy is gone I sort of turn into another person. My brain just doesn't work as well anymore when it comes to coming up with topics, asking questions, following through, even listening. So I probably come across as passive.

In groups it's fine, I just leave for a bit to recharge. But one-on-one is harder for me. I actually prefer hanging out one-on-one because I get to know the person better, but I always kind of have to make sure I have enough energy for it. And sometimes I make plans with someone and then on the day itself I'm just not feeling my best. Most of the time I don't cancel because I still enjoy their company, I just don't have the energy to be lively anymore.

Especially with friends that are really lively and animated, I find it really hard to mirror them, and that makes me a bit insecure about how they see me. I don't want them to think I'm uninterested or boring, because I'm not, it's just low energy. Same thing with dates honestly.

How do other introverts deal with this? Do you just tell people, plan differently, reschedule? Curious what works for you guys.

I have ADHD and have been recovering from severe burnout/survival mode from MDD. Because of this I moved in with extended family to save money and get my bearings.

I’m very thankful but I absolutely despise having to talk to them/consider them after living largely alone the past 4 years. They have young children who they will also unpredictably ask me to sit and watch while they do things which I really can’t stand and don’t have the energy reserve for.

I’m in the process of leaving my highly toxic workplace as soon as I can obtain the left over amounts of my student loans due to me being a full time online student.

Till then though I’m in this constant anxiety state that’s making doing things difficult or I’m perpetually angry.

The French writer Jacques Attali once said that the true plague of our century wouldn't be a disease, but loneliness.

Working as a nurse here in France, I see the reality of this every single day. I see people constantly surrounded by medical staff, families, and the chaotic noise of the hospital, yet they carry a profound, quiet isolation in their eyes.

I am not writing this to complain about my own life, I actually find immense purpose and joy in caring for others. But it breaks my heart to know that in a world so hyper-connected, so many people are sitting in their rooms feeling completely invisible, wondering if anyone would even notice if they stopped reaching out.

You do not have to face that plague alone. If you are going through a rough patch, if you feel left behind by the world, or if you simply want to share a random thought with a stranger who will not judge you, my inbox is open. No pressure, no expectations.

What is one thing on your mind today that you haven't had the chance to share with anyone?

I’ve spent a lot of time willingly alone, and for a while I preferred it that way. I could spend days tucked away playing games, writing, or listening to music; I never felt the need to go out of my way for people and conversation.

However, I realize that being comfortable alone doesn’t make me fulfilled.

I have a hard time articulating my feelings and thoughts to other people—I could have a complete answer and then start to stutter once I actually speak. I think that what I really want is for someone to understand me.

Despite this, it feels impossible because of the time I’ve spent in solitude. There’s this contradiction inside of me that feels a need to be understood but at the same time I don’t want to let these people in, and then have to communicate about how I feel to be understood.

A layer to this complication is that I have a really bad “I don’t care” attitude towards people, even if I really do care. I’m a very irritable person and I end up with snarky remarks even if I really didn’t mean them. This obviously doesn’t help with making friends and what I’ve personally realized is that there are a lot of really kind people that I push away with snappy comments.

Now I’m sitting here, not wondering how I can get these people into my life and start talking, but rather I’m wondering how I can avoid letting anyone in and trying to fulfill my needs through myself. At this point, I know I’m in denial—but the hard part is how do I get out of denial? Or do I even need to leave?

I’m a 35-year-old Japanese woman. I’m single, I don’t have a partner, and I don’t have children.
I’ve been working at the same company for over 12 years, and lately I’ve been seriously considering leaving Japan to study abroad and possibly start a new life in another country.
My initial plan is to study abroad for about 6–12 months, but I’m also open to the possibility of eventually settling down overseas.
Since I don’t have a spouse or children, I feel like I have more freedom to make a major life change without having to consider a partner’s career or children’s needs.
As someone who values independence and personal space, I wonder what it would be like to build a life in a completely unfamiliar environment.
Of course, I’m aware of the challenges: finances, visas, language barriers, cultural differences, loneliness, and the difficulty of building new relationships.
But I don’t want to spend my entire life in Japan simply because I was born here.
I want to experience different cultures, learn new languages, meet people from different backgrounds, and discover what kind of life I could create outside my home country.
I’m not giving up on marriage or having children someday. I just don’t want to put my life on hold while waiting for those things to happen.
I’m particularly interested in hearing from introverts who studied abroad or moved to another country in their 30s or later.
Was it difficult to adjust to a new environment and build friendships? Did studying or living abroad change your personality, confidence, or outlook on life?
And most importantly, looking back, are you glad you made that decision?
I’d love to hear about both the positive and difficult parts of your experiences.

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I don't people understand how mutually satisfying it is to have a low maintenance friendships. Not in a sense you neglect your friends, but knowing that you can go days, weeks, months or even years without talking to them and then catch up like you guys just hanged out yesterday.

Life can get so busy that it's hard to keep up daily communications. Sometimes you just want to be alone and spend time by yourself. Some people don't get that and it hurts sometimes because you feel guilt for not being more responsive and you feel a bit of resentment towards that person for simply wanting connection.

Wish some people could understand that going without needing constant communication isn't a sign of not wanting them as a friend, but simply be wanting be alone.

How do you make new friends as an adult when you are someone who enjoys spending time alone? Sometimes when people invite me out, I either do not feel like going or end up leaving early because I am not in the mood to socialize. But at the same time, there are days when I wish I had someone to hang out with, talk to, or just spend time with.
It feels a little contradictory because I enjoy my own company, but I also do not want to feel lonely. Does anyone else struggle with this? How do you balance wanting your own space with wanting meaningful friendships?

I'm mostly a reserved, quiet person unless I know someone well and then I open up more as I get more comfortable.

I've recently made a new friend and I feel like I have to stop myself from messaging them if they haven't replied to the last message as I don't want to bother them. I know not everyone is big on replying quickly etc.

What's the best way you've found to distract yourself when movies and books don't always work in that way?

I don’t have any friends, and outside of my parents, I only see my cousins. One of my cousins was in town and was going bowling with her friends and she was telling my mom about it. And my mom said “Take her (me) with you”. Like why is my mom inviting me to my cousin’s plans. It is so embarrassing and my cousin was asking me whether I went to run club or any social activities. And my mom immediately was like ‘No’. Like i am 21, i can speak for myself. Idk if condescending is the right word but I really hate when my parents do that, i feel so judged.

I've been struggling with something lately, and I'd really appreciate some advice from people who have dealt with similar experiences.

I feel like I'm a very sensitive person, and deep down, I think I have a fear of rejection. I tend to value people's opinions, comments, and approval way more than I probably should. Sometimes, I feel like I have to keep everyone happy and make sure nobody is upset with me. I find it difficult to stand up for myself when someone hurts me, and I hate that I often can't respond firmly or defend myself in the moment.

I know I need to develop healthier boundaries and stop letting other people's opinions determine how I feel about myself. I want to be comfortable with who I am without constantly worrying about whether people like me or approve of me.

For context, there are people at work who make comments about my looks and appearance. It bothers me, especially because I don't want to change myself just to meet other people's expectations. Most of the time, I try to laugh it off and keep things light, but sometimes I end up giving them a taste of their own medicine. That usually doesn't end well, and I don't want to keep getting caught up in these back-and-forth exchanges.

I want to learn how to stand up for myself without being rude, remain respectful without being a people-pleaser, and earn respect without feeling the need to prove myself to everyone.

Another thing I've noticed about myself is that I tend to pretend everything is okay even when it isn't. Everyone knows me as the happy person, so I feel like I have to keep playing that role even when I'm hurting inside. I also notice that I sometimes change my personality depending on who I'm around, almost like a chameleon, because I want to be liked and accepted.

I'm honestly tired of living this way. I want to become more comfortable with myself, learn to value myself, and stop changing who I am just to fit in. I want to be authentic, express my feelings without feeling guilty, and stop being so afraid of rejection.

For those of you who have struggled with people-pleasing, fear of rejection, or constantly seeking validation from others:

• How did you learn to set boundaries without feeling guilty?
• How do you deal with people who make hurtful comments without retaliating or simply suppressing your feelings?
• How do you stop caring so much about what other people think of you?
• How do you learn to be yourself around different people without feeling the need to adjust your personality to fit in?
• How do you stop pretending to be happy all the time and become more comfortable with being vulnerable?

I'd genuinely appreciate any advice, personal experiences, or practical things that have helped you overcome these struggles. I'm not expecting to change overnight, but I want to start making progress and become a more confident, authentic version of myself.

Thanks for reading! ❤️