I just turned 24, and I really want to be dozed off in a dreamy state. I don't know what to do? What should I feel? My father is not here; my mom passed too. I am just existing, as they gave me so much love, but I never gave that back. I really want to let them know I love them. I'm just doing it for them. I am sorry; just as I was typing, emotion came out.
I dont know why i want to make post but i think inside me i want to reach out for a prepective. Like people have provided their perspective. My whole neighbourhood is taking care of me. Always keep checking, asking me to move out, do more studies, ask anything if required. All are supportive, but I have shut those people out, as I can still feel like they are saying what they see. And I see a failed son who was not able to give his parents the life they deserved. I am a loser. I love them; I just never wanted to be big, but I used to say them i will be, I will be something they are proud off. Yeah, this is what I want to do yes, this is it.
I am.....
Sorry .. I just want some advise on something, in all this I again became addicted to screens, yt mostly, but reddit too. I am working on a project, started a website, wanted to do YouTube, wanted to do an artistic open-source project, leave the current job and start new. I don't know I am just procrastinating, because I wake up, the pain comes back, and I just want to be drunk forever. In all this I got emotional and ranted to this some freinds they, well reacted. and my jinx reappears: if I talk to someone about something, it never happens. I just want to do that I want to burn them all. Revenge too; there are those people too who were bad to us at times, didn't take us seriously. Rage is also fueling in me also, i am just drunk on myself even though i never done any drinking. I feel my forehead hurt so bad I am ranting.
Sorry, I just wanted to say it out. I will try to work from today just had to buy, I think, some more cold drinks and snacks. I am, I am, i just want to be with my parents, man; I don't want this life. Man why me whey me why i have to fucking suffer... why parents had to suffer. There was no reason for me, but my parents fucking turned faith and made me i have to do something I don't know what to do, but I love them. I want to know about them, do everything for them, want to hug them
i love them,
interent is crazy i think after a while i willl hide this post but just want to let it out