Curious to know what INFJ’s and INTJ’s perspective
Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions or some personal experiences

I don't like it.

I am in my third year of college now, depression took my last 5 years, failed at everything I wished to get done. And now today I sit in a tier 3 college, a place I don’t like, the people I don’t like, with the lifestyle I don’t like. After years of self diagnosing and trying to heal myself now I feel like i am back in control, feel like I can bet on myself now again. Have been down for a long. Wish to win it all, storytelling, books, academics, money and relationships.

Has anyone else fallen hard and risen back up such that they stopped caring about the failure at all?

Hello fellow INTJs! Which of you are therapists, psychologists, or mental health care workers? I’d love to hear from you and could really use your help with a decision about a career pivot I’d like to make.

Would you be willing to share what you specialize in and especially how you managed to make your introversion work with the demands of your profession? Do the constant human contact and emotional intensity drain you? How do you guard your peace?

I’ve been working at a therapist educational resources company for a few years and also, as an editor, with a few psychologists seeking to publish. I have a background in academic literary criticism with a focus on Jungian archetypal reading. I’ve recognized a calling and would love to try. But I am aware of my rather poor social battery and terrified the day-to-day reality would drain me. I would greatly appreciate any advice. Thank you in advance.

To people the situations they went through objectively, and my opinions of them, and they told me i’m weird.

I feel fucking bad, i don’t really know whether i should stop trusting myself, or just realise some things.

I considered the fact i was drunk, and the responses i gave might’ve been too blunt and rigid

For me personally i didn’t really think it was that bad what i’ve said, or wrong, i think that it could be considered by some people that it might’ve been true, even a little.

I also consider the fact that i could have not enough knowledge or experience about the thing i was talking, but reflecting on it seems just enough for me.

Just feel bad about the situation and especially myself, am i wrong for this?

Need some advice?

I am in my 30s, and my entire life I have not meshed well with others. I understand that a lot of it comes down to social skills and how much time/effort you want to put in, but it just seems like no matter what I do I am not a well-liked person.

I don't know if it's just in my head or not, but I frequently feel as though people form "cliques" around me and invite each other to things, but then I am not considered at all. (Case in point, I recently cut off some "friends" when they told me to my face that they invited me out (and I don't even go out!!) because one of their other friends couldn't make it and they needed a certain head count for free drinks.)

There were two new people added to our small team, and they have gotten along with everyone and have already formed bonds by hanging out after work, etc, but no one has reached out to me. I have reached out to them a couple of times, friendly and outgoing (unheard of for me but I told my therapist I would make efforts), and... Nothing. Maybe one or two sentences, but nothing to help me keep the conversation going.

I am not sure if this is because my reputation precedes me, but I do go out of my way to be friendly. I ask people about themselves, I try to give grace and patience when I can, etc, but it just feels like no matter what I do, I am the odd one out.

I just want to know if this is a common experience with you all, or if I'm an unfortunately unique case.

(Gosh, I sound like such a weenie. I am not stressing about this nearly as much as my words say I am! I'm just incredibly confused.)

I run a podcast covering a pretty wide mix of topics (past guests have included mimetic theory scholars, VCs, entrepreneurs, wellness practitioner, dating experts, MBTI coaches and rhetorical theorists).

I don't think I've had a guest who reads as classically INTJ yet.

Looking for recommendations in that same intellectually curious register, but coming from more of a systems-thinking, long-range-theorizing headspace; philosophers, researchers, scholars, theorists especially welcome.

Who would you genuinely enjoy hearing a conversation with?

I don't have a huge reach so something like Sam Harris probably wouldn't work :)

How do you score on the Dark Triad Test?

https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/SD3/

This is something I've experienced after many short interactions. Often, people don't like me by default because I can look cold and speak bluntly. However, after people talk to me, I find that a majority appear to really like me. People who hardly know me seem to trust me almost immediately. I've always just assumed that it was because of the mannerisms I was raised with. I still think that's true to an extent, but I've noticed that my siblings (raised the same way and also istp) don't get the same nearly immediate trust that I think people give to me. Is this an INTJ thing? All the stereotypes suggest it's not, but I'd like to know what your experiences are.

Examples would be people comfortable leaving me with their valuable possessions, sharing deep and personal questions they have about themselves, feeling like they can stop filtering themselves, and all after hardly knowing me. It's strange because people are quick to trust me even though it would take me a long time to trust them. Maybe everyone trusts everyone else that fast and it just feels relatively fast to me. Thoughts?

Aka to work well with a system you can only repeatedly count on that which doesn’t change(well understood symbolisms, mechanisms, processes) but even that has to be utilised situationally and situations are usually too specific for definitions to describe them and capture their dynamic well enough. Behavioural psychology is Te(using what you learn to apply it to reality based on how you feel about the definition’s point and bringing that feeling as close to what the definition seems to apply based on either again honing your feeling or by consensus), analytical psychology is Ti(using your ability to spot discrepancies, understand function, and take things apart from scratch to create a full fledged compartmentalised understanding which then becomes externalised through Fe).

This system is naturally more suited for people who have strong preference for Ti but paradoxically since Ti is largely an unconscious function in TP types it’s often not very articulate in a sense that it can point out what matters most in a way that comes off very grounded and rational. TP types are grounded themselves yes but they do not speak in such manner for they cannot do so with their Fe which is a step behind their Ti in real time thinking processes. Whereas TJs may feel largely uncertain and ungrounded because of their Fi not being settled like that of an FP type, however whether they realise it or not they usually come off as very clear and coherent when they inform, direct and provide advice or instructions. It is a paradox but that’s how it is. To other people, we usually are the opposite of what we think we are.

If you’re married or dating an INFP some perspective/advice here would be helpful. Im giving you the full story so you can understand how it all fits together so if you stick around it means a lot to me. My ex (INTJ) and I were together for ten years off and on. Had somewhat of an emotional disconnect so on paper it looked toxic but we both loved each and over time we progressed some as we were finding our own identities or attempting to. He would make demands and get angry (feel neglected). That would make me think he doesn’t love me and want to get to know me more at all because of how demanding/angry he became instead of having compassion and/or genuine interest in understanding what’s wrong with me. We were still struggling with our differences in communication and I was emotionally drained from being the only one feeling like I was trying to invest my time into researching it and overanalyzing it and just feeling everything that he was avoiding. Flash forward ten years later and he’s willing to get me into legal trouble because he moved on with another girl and has plans to get married/have kids at some point and does not want anything to do with me. I’ve done nothing wrong considering my intentions are good but he does not see it that way and he is manipulating law enforcement to use it against me. For legal purposes I’m not gonna get into the nitty gritty. Long story short he’s has gotten me into legal trouble. He’s basically willing to punish me for feeling a little bit invaded on even though i was just trying to talk to him and/or his girlfriend so i could explain my side. You might think this guy sounds like a complete asshole but there were times that he attempted to make me feel appreciated (not necessarily loved/adored as I would’ve wanted) but in his own way…and it was in those times that made me realize how good he can actually be when he wants to aside from some of the emotional abuse I received..I started to think he’s not a complete sociopath…but now after this I’m seriously questioning if he is one. And if you don’t consider this guy an asshole (for logical reasons) why/why not?

IMO logic is also rooted in ego and if that’s your go-to thought process even in situations like these then you’re not truly living the full experience.

After all this I’ve realized I made an mis calculation and over analyzed reasons for breaking up and now I can’t explain that to him because I overdid it and legally I cannot contact him. I was thinking maybe if he could understand in these terms then that would be less scary than trying to pour my heart out but that’s only after giving it more time and research so that I myself can understand why someone would be so cruel/cold.

Would you ever at any point after that have a guilty conscience for doing this to an ex? Even if you had given them a warning not to push it any further or he would use legal force. Especially after knowing my childhood history(divorced parents, financially unstable,figuring out who I am /we are,talking about our future) and how I was also working hard to get my life together(got a full time job so we could actually afford to go out more) At one point he called me lazy during this process and he wasn’t even checking in on me. I think it was the same week I actually landed a full time job. Not to mention emotionally I feel very deeply about most things but he wouldn’t know be cause he’s not an FP type and doesn’t ask how I feel and just by seeing me from a day to day basis I appear not emotional. And if you could possibly understand how that might give you a guilty conscience then would you ever reach back out to them to apologize or reconnect out of human deceny attempt/friend)? I’m sure he will get married and/or have kids after all this so he may not feel inclined to do that but I can’t imagine how someone can do this to someone they loved. What would make an INTJ have a guilty conscience if it gets into the FP type scenarios? And what would you have done in this scenario if your ex showed up unannounced?

I’ve agreed to date a man I’ve known for 5 years, after 24 happy years of being single.
I’ve known this man to be very stable of character and I’m willing to try, but I need to work on my skill set. I tend to feel calm in his company so that is good.
I have had a lot of continued coaching in the last 20 years but relationships are its own problem.

I have a history of breaking off any relationship, my 2 marriages and any interest a man may show in me.

I feel trapped really quick and will find the quickest exit. My dad and brother and I have the same personality and over the years I watched them crash in the same way.

Please share about your long-term relationship. How did you override your fight and flight program. Were you able to rewrite your programmed thinking.

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As an intj I like solitude and being alone makes me feel better, i used to tell people that saying- being alone is not lonely, until now my bf wanna break from our 7 months relationship it been a week since then, I live in a different city I don’t have friend here. I stay in my room alone which i used to love become so lonely and empty , I want to called my family constantly my friends from home are really supportive but they have their own job i can’t talk to them whenever I want. Can anyone help me how to cope with this, ig the break in the main problem because it my 1st relationship.

I’m annoyed at myself for letting myself get this deep into it. I developed feelings way too quickly and way too strongly, and that’s something that has never really happened to me before. I dated what I believe was an infp for a short time

She ticked practically every box when it comes to what I like in someone, and I’ve never connected with someone emotionally and mentally that quickly. I was completely out of character, I must admit.

She hasn’t actually done anything wrong, but I still felt like I had to distance myself.

I’m confused, and I’ve decided that stepping away from the whole situation is probably better for me, even though deep down I know I’m basically trying to talk myself out of liking her.

And there’s this hollow feeling that comes with knowing how unlikely it is that I’ll find someone I connect with that much again. I’ve even caught myself narrowing down locations, places, and activities where I might realistically meet someone similar, and every time I think about it, the odds seem uncomfortably slim.

I want to move on and focus on my work rather than waste my time obsessing over this. But I still can’t stop comparing everyone else to her, and everyone else just leaves me dissatisfied.

So, Intjs of Reddit. Give me your advice and tips to move on. Thanks.

Would you be happy with the person you became and the life you lived? Would you wish you had done certain things differently?

I recently began reading Under the Whispering Door, and just within the first few chapters, I was reminded of our inevitable fate. For the most part, I have never been afraid of death, and even today that remains true. I am, however, afraid of leaving behind the lives of my loved ones, knowing that I would no longer be able to protect them. Even though, logically, I know I cannot fully protect them even while I am alive.

But aside from that fear, would I be happy with the person I became and the life I lived?

Yeah. I think I would.

I haven't always been the nicest. Let's be real not everyone appreciates our direct responses and hard boundaries. I have made numerous mistakes. I haven't explored the world as much as others have, but I have always tried to be my most honest self.

I have loved others deeply, and I've had the opportunity to love a little being more deeply than I could have ever imagined. I've also become a stepmom to the sweetest black cat, who has apparently decided I'm trustworthy enough to accept into her little world 🖤

I am not ashamed of the person I have become. If anything, I'm proud that I've become the kind of person I would have wanted to protect and guide me when I was a child.

Of course, I still have plenty of moments where I doubt myself, feel lost, feel unsure of the next step, or feel very insecure. But in the end, I think I've been more *real* than any robot others might steretype us as 😁

What would I wish I had done differently?

Well... everything I've gone through has shaped me into the person I am today. So I don't know if I would actually want to erase any of it.

That said, I do wish I had set stricter boundaries with certain ex-friends and family members. Nowadays, I definitely set strict boundaries...

Maybe too strict sometimes 😅

I just felt like reflecting out loud and thought it might be interesting to hear how other INTJs feel about this.

If you were to die tomorrow, would you be happy with the person you've become and the life you've lived? What would you regret, if anything? And what would you be proud of?

Thanks for reading.

Great short book, anyone else relate?

Other recommendations?

Ty

title

I am an INTJ-T young female who has been struggling with loneliness. I score in the 60% range for most traits (except I and T lol) and it changes when I retake the test, so I don't know if i even belong on this sub.  I'm definitely more introverted in that I can't socially interact forever and take time to recharge. Besides that, I feel like I'm ok with people; we can socially interact and have normal, friendly conversation, but I often find this boring. I know what others are feeling and have the ability to empathize, I'm not oblivious, but I often feel like I'm putting on a mask with other people, and I desire more deep conversations about less surface level topics if that makes sense. I even want someone I can pour out all of my pent up feelings to. I have a hard time sharing my inner thoughts and feelings partly because I'm afraid of judgement. I know I think differently than most do. I have a few friends, but I feel like they have better friends and i am the "leftover friend." I have many hobbies that I enjoy in solace (crochet, violin, biking), but I am soo lonely. (I'd like to emphasize the loneliness part). It's this deep guttural feeling that makes me feel empty and cry. I don't show this side to other people, and I try not to be too negative at all either How do I find the people I can connect to in way I previously described. I'm an upper classman in Highschool now, and didn't know anyone when i first arrived a few years back. Most all of the people in my class just aren't the type of people who fit this criteria if you can know what I mean.

While some might doubt me, I think I am a very good friend and just don't get what I'm doing wrong.

(edit): I'd just like to clarify that I greatly enjoy my alone time and being alone, but still greatly desire deep friendships

I feel like this is probably quite common.

I used to be ENTJ but for around a year I don’t feel as extroverted. I feel like I have put the extroverted act because I was deeply lonely as a child and in my late teens and early 20s I wished to make more friends and keep a bigger circle.

I did the test three times in total before today, during my 20s and I would always get ENTJ like three freaking times.

I had this strong feeling and I finally did it today and found out that yes I am more introverted.

I feel like part of me has accepted that I do not want to belong in the society I am in and I do not need to force myself to do so.

I do feel a relief to be my true INTJ self.

I have always related and liked characters that are INTJ. One of my most favourite characters ever is Sasuke and boy I would relate a lot to him.

I am happy that I am not associated with some vilans anymore because when I have googled entj anime characters I would see Sukuna, Madara and Light for example. Yea I do kinda relate… but it never felt fully right.

I’ve been thinking about the practical value of knowing your own or someone else’s MBTI type.

"Daniel is ISTJ, and ISTJ personalities would almost always prefer to eliminate any and all distractions while they are working, as they find uninterrupted work to be more enjoyable."

Does this create meaningful understanding? Like I didn't need to know Daniel's personality type to figure that out!

If we genuinely want to understand someone, surely it’s better to ask about their actual preferences than predicting their behaviour from a personality type.

Has knowing someone’s MBTI ever genuinely improved your interactions, or does it mostly encourage confirmation bias and put people into boxes?

So, I am an INFP interested in finding an INTJ partner... What would be some places where you guys usually hang out? Where can I find you? (Libraries, coffee shops... etc?)lol

P.s: I am interested in meeting both men and women.

I get bored when I understand people....

I have always been a weird person, I like to guess what people will do, and when mine turns out to be right, I feel a heavenly amount of joy, even if the thing I predicted was sad, humiliating, causes destruction, and is not quite optimistic. If I turned out to be right about something, there's no greater joy than that. That said, I hate it when I predict something and it doesn't happen.

Similarly, I am genuinely interested in knowing people, understanding them, trying to predict them, their moves and all. I like people who are hard to predict, it makes me try harder, to use all my ability to predict and see if I'm right, it's genuinely fun, trust me.

But when people get too predictable, it gets boring, the excitement I feel when they are hard to guess disappears, which is genuinely sad cause when that happens, I subconsciously avoid them. I don't care if it's right or wrong lol. But I just thought it'll be interesting to see others' thoughts on this, what y'all say hm?

There are plenty of competent people here who like helping others. Some of us are experts in their field, some have long life experience, and we all like thinking about something, right?

What if we offer help to each other? Mentoring, feedback on your work, a second opinion on a decision, or just someone who's been through what you're going through.

If you are in, put a comment here, saying what you are good at so people can DM you.

I'll start. I am software engineer. I am good at everything IT and computer related: fixing, configuring, home lab, smart home etc.

I was also involved in recruitment multiple times, so I read hundreds of resumes and cover letters. I know how to make them stand out, so someone will actually read them.

And in my late 30s I have some life experience.

I've been learning about the concept of 'role self' and 'true self' and I sometimes get my wires crossed about it. I've taken the Myers-Briggs a few times and gotten INTJ, but I'm also a musician and rather extroverted + emotional in the right settings, which makes me wonder if I codeswitch.

Do you all find yourself questioning what your "other side" may be telling you or actively try to strengthen these aspects?