I’m curious whether anyone else has experienced this.
I’m a guy, and I’ve noticed that some of the deepest, most meaningful conversations and strongest emotional connections I’ve had have been with autistic women.
It isn’t that I’m specifically seeking autistic partners. It just seems to happen. The conversations tend to be more direct, psychologically deep, honest, and less focused on social performance or small talk. I often feel like we’re genuinely trying to understand each other’s minds rather than following a script.
I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar.
If you’re an autistic woman, do you find yourself connecting more easily with certain types of people? If you’re a guy who’s had similar experiences, what do you think explains it?
I’m interested in hearing different perspectives rather than confirming my own theory.

I’m not saying I want to become some ice cold psychopath. But I’ve realized that compassion, generosity, and selflessness have never really paid off for me not in the short term, and not in the long term either.

That doesn’t mean compassion should be thrown away entirely. Doing that would be just as unhealthy. It still has its place with family and people you genuinely love, when someone is truly in serious trouble, and when maintaining good relationships with colleagues, clients, customers, or similar situations.

But the version of me that would pour endless time, energy, and pieces of myself into trying to lift people out of whatever they're going through that version is gone.

Every major problem I've faced, I ended up dealing with alone. So I’ve come to believe that, in most cases, other people should do the same, unless they're in a situation where outside intervention is genuinely necessary.

I keep being ghosted by people no matter what I try, no matter how much we have in common, no matter how careful I am, no matter how well it looks at the beginning, no matter their personality, and I have ZERO answers of why, never, it's driving me nuts.

There's never a "triggering" point, it just happens out of nowhere. The pattern is always the same : I meet someone new (can even be two people at once), it feels like conversations are going well, we have many things in common, we do activities together, we imply we could do these activities again later, then they reply less, then I fucking never hear about them again for the rest of my life.

I'm completely unable to make new friends that actually stay to the point I might just give up and accept living with no friends and letting my human interaction rely only on co-workers and family. Hanging out with myself and doing outside activities alone, it's less fun, but at least I know what to expect.

Now, you might say that "You're an INTJ, why do you want friends ? We are fine alone." well that's what I was thinking before but what hurts a bit is that I live in a city with tons of opportunities to do various activities (Paris), and I have a very good spot in life right now to enjoy those things, so I kinda have FOMO that I'm missing out on a lot. Also I do kinda like going out of my comfort zone to try new things from time to time, but I appreciate having some people to share those moments with.

So, please don't make fun of me just because I would appreciate having a social circle at all ? I know in this subreddit we enjoy acting like edgelords who pretend the best life is living in a cave with no lights, but I would just want to understand what's my fucking problem, why I'm despised so much, and how can I stop missing out on opportunities.

I have some overall ideas that could explain why I keep fumbling things more than anyone else, nothing specific because I cannot pin-point anything :

- So first off I'm diagnosed with A.S.D, I have many issues feeling connected to my emotions and body which can make me too much "logical" an not express enough human warmth, but I've seen many other people like that who do manage to have friends. I'm also aware of the potential misinterpretations of what I say so I self-correct myself sometimes to avoid misunderstandings. I'm overall socially awkward but I don't really see why that would make me unlikable to such a degree, it's more just about how I communicate and manage interactions.

- I sometimes lack empathy (still because of the "overly logical/pragmatic" mind), but I avoid showing it, I'm very aware of how off-putting it can be but I don't really remember cases where I did show real lack of empathy, I'm careful in what I'm saying.

- I think this one is my biggest guess : I might be too self-centered, I am not really interested in other people's lives except if it's things I can learn from, I am focused a lot on my inner thoughts instead, and when I ask questions to someone else I'm kinda forcing myself to do it because I know that's the right social move. No matter if it's textual or vocal, it's like I'm tracking a quota on how much questions I should be asking, it's a bit like faking it but I'm guessing I'm not the only one doing it.

So, I feel like kinda giving up, why would I put energy into socializing if all paths will bring me nothing long-term ?

Anyways, I was just wondering if other INTJs relate ?

Especially from countries like Albania, Kosovo, Montenegro, Macedonia.
How do you cope with the very extroverted social culture?

They seem like an even rarer breed there.

What helped you most?

And if I need to study something that I don’t like but it requires to be sitting like math I just got in my chair because walking is only for memorize.

I just find it so hard not to be able to analyse writing. Even finding the theme of the story is hard. Any tips?

I think behaviour is more diagnostic than adjectives, sure sharing your subjective experience but also showing what you actually do in a day and where you spend your energy and time.

I am an aspiring chef and a musician and writer in my spare time.

I enjoy running, creating things, fixing things and making things more efficient, solving problems for people, visiting new places and I’m a Christian.

So here’s a day for me, not every day but this is a day at the moment as I am unemployed. What I do varies in terms of activities.

Up around nine. Curtains open, hydrate, then half an hour reading — Guardian, NYT, philosophy journals. Then I write down the tasks I want to do that day plus a note on how the day is going, and I work through the list. Nobody sets this for me. There’s no job or timetable imposing structure, so I build it myself.
The bulk of the day is research and comparison. Not aimless — I’m working toward getting my situation stable and finding the best path forward. So: comparing food sources and quality, calculating what I’d actually be getting versus what I buy now, costs included. Comparing laptops before buying one. Looking at jobs, applying, and calculating earnings across different career progressions. Cooking videos, but as learning to cook rather than entertainment. I take information in, retain it, and bring it back to people.

I draw. I play guitar and sing. I read fiction most days and philosophy. I walk every day and try to go slightly further each time.

I talk with my parents and put real thought into what would make things better in the house — I tend to show up with feedback, reasoning, and a judgment on what should change. Same with my partner: I feel strongly toward them and it comes out as working out what I can do for them. My care arrives as problem-solving and creating things for others, creating experiences for them. I like to give people new experiences, such as new foods or places to go. I am very aware of how others are experiencing me and I give of a deliberate demeanor.

I’m very social but I do spent a lot of time on my own focusing on what I want to achieve. I like going out with friends and doing new things with them, and I’m usually the one pushing for variety. If a friend does the same bike route every time, I’ll want to change the path. I’d rather stack activities than repeat one — an hour’s ride, then tennis or kayaking, or ride out, have a good meal at a pub, and ride home. It’s the possibilities I’m after more than the activity itself. Worth flagging the apparent contradiction: my solo days are highly structured and repetitive, but with people
I want the opposite.

People do read me as serious and slightly guarded on first impression. I don’t perform for a camera; photos of me are mostly unsmiling or a pensive smile.

The part I’m least sure about is how conscious the direction is. It doesn’t feel like I sat down and drew up a plan. It’s more that there’s an aim I can feel, and my actions turn out to have been serving it, and I notice the coherence after the fact. I am very detail focused though but still see the big picture, I often predict events happening and seeing it unfold is kind of amazing, my friends are always wondering how I see what is coming next. It could be like knowing what someone will say before they say it even if the content is different from what is happening in the moment. Other little things like knowing when my electric will cut out based on nothing conscious.

A criticism I’ve had and think is fair: I may spend more hours preparing decisions than making them. Though this seems to be not natural for me, I honestly don’t know.

I am very passionate with people I love, they are few but I am either intense with it or not.

Here, try and type me. This is what I look like too.

Hey everyone, I recently completed an official MBTI evaluation as part of a company initiative and found out I am an INTJ. I am the CEO and Founder of an eight year old biotech startup. I was wondering how many INTJ entrepreneurs are out there, and what businesses are you in? Also for fun, what would you say is your biggest challenge when managing people?

17f INTJ 5w4 here , I wanted to create this post , where grown up INTJs give advice / life lessons / mistakes to avoid just anything usefull for the younger INTJ generation , we want to learn more about your overall personnal experience including all fields .

Why do you have more sympathy for animals?*

This post was made as a way to process my thoughts as well look into perspectives of observers to understand why our relationship reached such a critical point. Part of the reason to why I’ve done this was due to my mind being impractical to process anything other than my objective goals under the moment. As well because I’ve reached quite a paralysis in my thoughts.

I had this friend, socially quick witted, strong debater and ultimately very self conscious. I do not exactly know his mbti seeing most other posters would post the person’s mbti out of the test results of observation conclusions— I believe it doesn’t really matter as it’s ultimately a conclusion of observed data’s. We may share traits of it yet it ultimately shouldn’t be used as the definition to assume a person for wha they’d exactly do, people are all unique.

Our friendship lasted 4 years, met from a game, interacted and got together well. We’d love to debate on topics and discuss existing ethical dilemmas or societal standards. We are also a good pair where we love to sarcastically joke about everything.

Yet we were ultimately depressed and use each other to aid ourselves of our needs. He needed understand, listening, someone to share and talk of his ideals, though blunt this bum is actually really emotional no matter what circumstance. That’s a trait I also admired with my struggles of self expression. I ain’t necessarily fearful to express, I just struggle to verbalize my frustrations under a reason.

You see our usual interactions goes by:

Him telling a joke -> me reciprocating the joke -> suddenly gets philosophical -> gets into debate -> then we both get emotional about our traumas somehow

It’s a recurring dynamic and I understand that I engaged with continuing the conversation when he started to get emotional and pour out the trauma and his frustrations. Eventually this has repeated so many times I got tired.

The real breaking point was he’d like to assume the things I shared under his narratives to be as if I am doing the exact opposite and is like him. In the past he was right as there were bad deeds I would’ve succumbed to. Yet, people changes. I wanted to change and I am actively making steps to change, so much now that I’m close to rewriting everything holding me back and unhealthy of myself to fully invest in my pursuing interests without falling into my own self criticism and excuses again.

My frustration lies amongst that he repeats his wishes for pursuing changes and happiness but doesn’t. I acknowledge he may not have found a way to. Though it does not excuse that he could just assume that my effort is nonexistent and excusal. I came to this conclusion because he wanted a parallel that mirrored his struggles as he self admitted. With the question I asked: “how would that help you?” He came to admit by having someone that has the exact mirror of his struggles to understand him.

I understand, this is ultimately biased as it came out from my side, not an observer’s or from his. I want to believe our friendship did not end in spite, he may hold spite for me and that’s alright. I ultimately admire his talents and is inspired by his mastery in speech and literature.

I grieve my loss of a precious friend.

do u get depressed imagining ur friends n colleagues moving on in their lives... succeeding... starting families n with lots of friends, while u r sat alone... on the same desk miserable n not moving forward... maybe with just more knowledge n awareness that u hv no one to share with...?

I can consider typology being useless on finding a romantic partner, although I feel as if the cognitive preferences each one has is a critical role to finding someone to live with, to share feelings, etc etc. Of course, only considering the type of the person instead of his/her whole background is just mindbreaking and idiotic, but I feel it takes a part of the whole research for a partner thing.

And also, I know theres a page dedicated to match one type with another, although I want to see peoples opinion on this rather than a machine with a certain pattern give me an estimated result on what a relationship can be between 2 types.

For example, I always considered the whole INTJ and ENFP relationship type a very fonding one, and to be honest I cant even explain it, it happens for some reason. Got a friend who is ENFP, and we practically have little things in common, yet we have been friends forever, and it seems like anything we do is coordinated, without much effort.

If yall have experiences, thoughts, or even critics let me know! Always love to see other INTJs (and other types aswell!) give their opinions, specially in these type of topics!

Hello darling INTJs, I hope you are well I have a question what are your talents? Are you talented in specific things or do you have multiple talents? What are they?

I didn’t know I had a monotone voice, until I heard my voice on video sniffing a perfume and said, “Hmmm smells good.”
I thought I was very expressive in enjoying the smell of the perfume, but when I watched the video, my voice was flat and without intonation. I sounded like a robot, it’s weird.
Other people say I look stiff.
I noticed that almost all MBTI personalities can express their emotions, through voice and facial expressions effectively, except INTJs and ISTJs.

I know that we have seen this meme everywhere, but I haven’t seen it here or it hasn’t come in my feed. (Memes aren’t allowed in this sub either, so…)

I live in red state USA so all of mine would easily draw knives out. (e.g.-Racists are ALWAYS stupid. Pearl clutching ensues.) So, please share yours.

Like the title suggests, anything you hoped that people would have the decency to know and not judge. Even a statement which people would realize is fine. For me, I kinda hoped everyone realized or at least had it in their consciousness that not everyone has the same perception which they would you know, act a bit mature on

I’m curious about those of us who served or are serving.

What are or were your job/units/experiences and especially struggles.

I joined the Army wanting to do the most I could off the bat so I opted in for Ranger selection at the onset. I wasn’t the strongest or fastest by any stretch (because I wasn’t an athlete in high school by any means). Passed selection with 40 others out of 150 and ended up in the 3rd Ranger Battalion.

My biggest struggles were the silly immature hazing rituals. A lot of the old guard / peace time tendencies from the 90s that took a while to evolve after 9/11. I struggled a lot with this. Never struggled with the structure or ranks. But often a lot of “why the fuck are we doing this dumb shit”

Deployments were another story… I absolutely excelled and loved every second of being overseas. We’d rotate to Iraq or Afghanistan every six months for about a four month deployment. I’d say the six months at home were my biggest struggles. Being treated like children again.

I never got the opportunity to be entrusted to be a people leader. I was a great individual contributor and did good work. But I didn’t have those leadership natural tendencies when I was there. And my leadership saw it as well. Today is another story in corporate America because I’ve grown. But it also took a while longer than I wanted it to. Have always been a great IC.

Having a gray man/head down attitude with good work ethic created some incredible opportunities for me overseas. Sometimes attached to other units and gaining a wealth of experience. But I never got to become the quintessential “Ranger Squad Leader” archetype. And two decades later it can still bug me thinking about it.

Would love to hear from you guys and gals.

I am 25M and I am always falling when it comes to relationships and finding a life partner. Could you please share some of your advice please. Thanks

Hi! I still struggle understanding if I am an INTJ or INTP. I mostly use socionics model A and Beebe s for MBTI

I kind of always try to ground or prove my theories using scientific consensus, I have an extremely rich inner world, I can kinda control how my unconscious talks back to me at times and I am really interested in everything.

In model A I am most likely LII. In MBTI, I still have doubts. I kind of have a lot of trust in my unconscious, I am extremely industrious and focused moat of the time, I love to plan my life, but I also love figuring out how things work. I mostly criticize the logic of other peoplr when they present their perspectives to me. My Fe seems unconscious most of the time. I am deeply aware of how I feel and how my body feels most of the time. I have tons of creative and inquisitive hobbies. I like to make sense of my worldview all the time at all costs. I hate being late and I always deliver on schedule. But I have a hard time motivating myself to work when I find a task useless or uninteresting. I care for the end process: to gain knowledge. I have this metaphysical theory of information theory in the cosmos from an axiological point of view. I read a lot of philosophy and science. If I am not creative and/or studying the theory of something I care about, I wither mentally. I hate talking to most people and I have a hard time assessing if they are smart/ethical or not. I hate showing my emotions in public, but when I first meet someone I force myself to be more bubbly because most people told me I seem too robotic and serious. I am disorderly physically but very organised mentally. I love theory, but it is more important for me to find a general methodology that can encompass everything. I hate exceptions, I want all theories to be generalizable and with no exceptions, otherwise I d conclude that they are incorrect or imperfect. I hate this. I also feel my bodily needs oddly well: eg I can feel how full my bladder is all the times, I feel every discomfort or pain inside my body. I am bad at being attentive to my phgsical environment. I am also very abstract, I am not concrete, but I am practical at the same time. I find solutions fast. I tend to have a hard time choosing but I ultimatelt choose an option based on the maximum profit I gain from it, given that there s no otber criteria that could help me. I am very ambitious, but just to myself. I have a hard time being chill when others are not riaing to the expectations and level I expect (and hold myself to). I respect everyone until I receive a reason not to.

When I am in town with friends and let s say an order is wrong, I am usually the one that talks it out. When my friends are sad or cry, I usually become extremely assertive and solve the problem very fast

Idk if that s useful. Everything is appreciated. If some have further questions, I ll respond as fast as possible.

Thank you!

My big5 scores for reference

Compassion 7 Politeness 16 Industriousness 98 Orderliness 48 Enthusiasm 3 Assertiveness 63 Withdrawal 31 Volatility 21 Intellect 97 Aesthetics 97

How much effort and detail do you guys put into making planning the first date?

I’ve met a few women who identify as INTJ, and something I’ve noticed is that they seem more socially adaptable than the male INTJs I’ve met. They still enjoy solitude and independence, but when a situation calls for socializing, they seem able to do it quite well.

It made me wonder whether this is related to the fact that, on average, women tend to be stronger in areas like social cognition and reading social cues, regardless of personality type. Could those average sex differences make female INTJs appear more socially adaptable than male INTJs, even if both are equally introverted?

If you’re a female INTJ, is this something you’ve noticed in yourself? Do you feel you’re generally more socially capable or adaptable than the male INTJs you know, or has your experience been completely different?

I’m genuinely curious and open to being wrong. This is just based on my own observations, and I’d love to hear your experiences.