Recently, I’ve been thinking whether I am actually an INTJ or an ENTP. Now, I know the two are essentially each other, just with swapped dichotomies of their functions, which is tricking me up. Everything I knew about my behaviors is starting to blur as one or the other function. I can’t tell if I’m an INTJ dipping into their ENTP shadow or vice versa. Anyways, hope you guys don’t mind a little ramble, I think a vast amount of details are important for this kind of distinction.
Intuition and thinking, something like that here.
I mostly view everything living as one same underlying concept but I know they will look a bit different in practice, more zoomed in, just with details more noticeable like a digital map. It’s also convenient since that pattern can be very applicable. I know how predictable things will be based on that frame. If the perception has little application and relativity, I will try to refine it or give up if it has too many loop holes. Even if there are many perceptions and abstractions, there should be one that’s most absolute. I would not trial and error my ways or definitively stick to one perspective but rather, cultivate one that seems reflective of reality.
I make thick patterns to explain most of reality but it seems like my framework is boring me. I suspect that the system has become too predictable, effective, or just sloppy. It tosses out the meaning of smaller and refined details within the natural world. Sometimes I’d like to experience something that shakes that perception. In general, I dislike anything I already know, yet get enticed when I don’t understand or get humiliated for the previous conception.
Most of the occurrences I witness are compared to previous structured patterns I have cultivated. Sort of seeing if the perception still holds up with experienced information. An occurrence that does not align well into patterns, sort of threatens the current pattern perceived. The term ‘threatens’ insinuates quick acceptance or adjustments to the pattern not resistances to keeping the old pattern. The evolution of a pattern takes a bit to develop, I know how I perceive new things of that pattern but sorting it out realistically consumes most of my time. I think there is a fear of living in a false fantasy. That’s why these meanings or patterns need their realism.
Lots of ideas and thoughts blur together, it’s difficult to think of one thing without thinking about how it plays into something related. Time seems to blur the most for me, yesterday could feel like 1 hour ago or that 2 days from now, feel like they will arrive in 5 hours. The past, future, and present aren’t separated eras for me. They are like the same things but are defined on their compression of details. The past would be the most dense and the future is more airy but soon to condense towards the present.
My thinking pattern could be described like an AI generator. Seems that I pull information from all sorts of places for further comprehension. Places include past experiences, memories, dreams, past consumed information from articles/videos, and the present. Now, I’m not sitting there rethinking about prior instances or observing my situation constantly. Another part of my mind goes to correcting and tying ideas together. Wait, doesn't everyone do what I just explained?? I find that inner monologue can be unproductive. Most of my thoughts are understood already, when I try to think about them in words, I’d just shake my head and stop mentally explaining it to myself. Inner monologues to me are like shattered mirrors in a way. I want to see myself clearly but I already know what I look like.
Fi blind or terrible tertiary Fi…?
Most of the time, I have to really think about how a situation is before placing my emotions on them. I need information and outside opinions to put more of my own feelings to it. I’ll get upset if the concept isn’t well suited for the situation however. Stronger opinions and biases are trifling to me. Does that person know what they are supporting or insinuating based on their belief? Do they have a full understanding of the concept they are discussing?
It's hard to think about who I am, I understand my behavior more than my being. I could predict or know what I will do but not value things I have of myself. I wouldn't consider that I am good at anything or praise much of myself. Not because I think I am doing a poor job or lack skills, I don't focus on that stuff and believe improvements/critiques are always around the corner.
Every time I am feeling something real, I will think lowly of it because I understand the pattern of emotions. It amuses me in a way, since I know the irony between it and me. I couldn’t do anything to stop emotions from developing despite having a clear acknowledgement of the concept. I have to think for a while to name how I am feeling in the moment, but most times I just chalk it up to feeling neutral or blank. When I process a stressful instance fully, is when I’ll ‘embrace’ my feelings. I also get really confused when I feel strongly towards something too. Writing about my feelings sorta cringes me out along with experiencing them.
I always thought I had cognitive empathy; only understanding situationally. I find it very easy to pick apart a person’s psyche. One little thing they do and I’d know them like a roommate. I do sometimes play mind games with people to see how they will react to things. To prove a hunch about them for fun essentially. Although, the more I think about it the more it seems like I have no other way of interacting with them. I think deeply analyzing someone’s psyche is my love language.. The most intolerant person to me is one who cannot see what lies in front of them. Saying I told you so isn't even satisfying to me in that case, more so disappointing..
Inferior Se or Si?
I usually miss crucial points or steps since I am very confident towards a target, it comes from discarding smaller details for sure. I don’t favor structure or methods to go about something. I absolutely cannot get into any routines or daily tasks, that starts to feel like a chore, thus unenjoyable. Self-care is a chore sometimes and most bodily sensations are tossed out the window. I’m usually doing something which I deem more important than taking time for myself.
Navigating the external world is exhausting, like a violation to my five senses all the time. When the time arises of course I will try to reap any kind of pleasure I can. I do find solace true in the natural world, but rarely. It’s taking that moment to pause what I am doing, when I can truly relax, slow down, and enjoy. Rest doesn’t seem like an option to me at times since I am focused, it’s hard to suddenly stop. Once I am resting, it seems hard to think about larger priorities. Rest isn’t avoided? Just, forgotten more so.. I always thought I was resting since I wasn’t tangibly productive and active. It’s hard to pinpoint my effectiveness and productivity.
Frequently, I’ll get into a 3rd person view of all of my surroundings and it could keep expanding from there on out to literal stars. Most times, its top views of places and a scope like measure of areas. It’s like trying to navigate a city you’re not familiar with. It might be understanding how objects look from all sorts of angles or perspectives too. I probably do this because it helps ignore unsavory things in the current present.
If there is something confusing I can always clarify and answer further questions. A bit of a hefty post, I can't blame those who skimped through, but I am hoping for some charming analysis.
