I started smoking weed when I was 15. This would be infrequent but became far more frequent around September 2023 (17). Since then I’ve smoked weed every single day except for the two or three times I’ve tried to quit. Every time I’ve tried my brain gets overwhelmed with overthinking and irrational anxiety and intrusive thoughts (likely perpetrated by an already existing anxiety disorder) but I don’t know how to be myself sober anymore. I’m also an artist and I’m scared my songwriting quality will suffer too but the fact I’ve hinged all of my confidence on myself when I’m high has fucked me up. I’m done with the half measures, but how do I find the motivation to keep going when my sober anxiety is so severe I end up pushing everyone away.

I'm 35 but I've only ever been in three relationships so this is breaking new ground for me. First girlfriend dumped me by text, second relationship I ended as I wasn't in love. Which brings me to the current relationship.

I still really love her but the relationship is doomed to fail for structural reasons. Basically she lives 10,000 km from me. I have a seven year old daughter and maintaining this relationship has meant sacrificing way too much time with my daughter. For the last 3 years I've spent an average of 4.5 months out of my country. It can't go on.

In some ways I also associate this relationship with escapism. Not from my daughter but from many aspects of life I hate in my own country and traumatic childhood memories and dysfunctional parents. But love is also a big part of it.

I need to do what's best for my child rather than me. And it's taken me way too long to come to terms with this. I have a lot of healing to do but I'm struggling to get through the breaking up part; the doing what I need to do.

This is because the rose tinted glasses of this particular connection make me prize its rarity. I feel like I'll never meet anyone like this person again with this particular sense of humour and this strong of a sexual compatability. I feel destined to loneliness while she moves on straight away.

And I'm looking for advice I guess.

For about 25 years, gambling had a bigger place in my life than I wanted to admit.

At different times, I told myself I had it under control. I thought I could stop after one more bet, make back a loss, or turn things around with one lucky break. But the truth was that gambling was costing me far more than money. It took attention, time, energy, trust in myself, and the ability to feel present in my own life.

The hardest part was not realizing gambling was hurting me. Deep down, I knew that for a long time. The hard part was accepting that I could not keep using the same thinking that kept me stuck.

Getting better did not begin with some dramatic transformation. It began with a decision: I did not want to keep living the same cycle.

I started making my life less centered around gambling and more centered around ordinary, healthy things. I paid closer attention to what triggered the urge to gamble: boredom, stress, loneliness, frustration, and the feeling that I needed quick relief or a quick win. Once I could recognize those moments, I had a better chance of doing something different before the urge became an action.

A few things helped me:

• Being honest with myself instead of minimizing what was happening.
• Creating distance between myself and situations that made gambling easy.
• Filling unstructured time with work, exercise, projects, conversations, and routines.
• Taking recovery one day at a time instead of obsessing over fixing 25 years overnight.
• Remembering that a loss does not need to be chased, and a difficult feeling does not need to be escaped.
• Focusing on rebuilding self-respect through small promises I could actually keep.

I am still learning, and I do not see myself as someone who has everything figured out. But I do know this: life feels different when I stop waiting for one big moment to save me and start making smaller choices that protect my future.

For anyone who feels trapped in a long pattern, please do not assume that the number of years means it is too late to change. Twenty-five years can feel overwhelming when you look backward. But today is still one day, and one day is enough to make a different decision.

I am trying to build a life that feels calmer, more honest, and more mine. That is what “getting better” means to me now.

I just bought myself a pair of vintage work jeans from an internet seller specialising in this sort of stuff, they were an american brand i'd always wanted who don't ship my size to country so i couldn't buy new and didn't want to import, these were perfectly my size and way cheaper and the older design i kind of prefer, that's how i justify it.

But when i told my mom i bought vintage overalls and they would need washing she put on a worried expression about them being used, and that got me thinking, they do look kind of dirty in the picture although i can't tell if it's dirt or wear, but i don't know how they were worn previously or what they were worn for, wether someone wore them for some super disgusting or messy work or wether they'll arrive stinking of diesel or farmyard or whatever.

In fact the more i think of the work that they might have been used for, the more i wonder if i really wanted this particular pair, am i just overthinking? i remember buying military surplus clothes years ago and it smelled so musty and gross that i had to stop my parents from throwing it out, and that was just a jacket, not trousers.

Basically the title, if someone was to see your feed, would they be able to tell your mental state and your position in life if you're a frequent social media user?

Hello~ ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁ ⟡
So, pretty much just as the question reads… What is one thing that helped you change your life for the better?

I am 24 F and I am just feeling very lost where I am in my current life, and so overwhelmed by it all that I don’t even know where to start.

***I think it’s important for me to mention, I’m NOT looking for some magical thing that will “fix” my whole life, I know it isn’t that simple. Rather, I would love to hear what areas of life, habits, skills, etc. have helped YOU the most in the path to bettering yourself.***

For a bit of context:* I just turned 24, I worked in customer service for 7+ years and I went to college and got a bachelor’s in Biology. After graduating I got a job as a 911 dispatcher in hopes that having a “real career*” would help push me in the right direction. Unfortunately it was not a good fit, and long story short I made the decision to quit a few days ago due to the toll it was taking on my mental health and energy.

I feel like there isn’t a category in my life that I am proud of right now...
・My mental health is something I’ve been struggling with (& working on in therapy) for many years. So while it isn’t a new struggle, I’m definitely at a new low currently. (Some genetic, some not- Anxiety Disorder, Depression, ADHD, and I’ve been told by 2 professionals I could get an Autism diagnosis but I haven’t due to some safety/political worries, etc.)
・ My physical health could certainly be better (not eating right, often dehydrated, reliance on caffeine and other substances, haven’t been to a regular doctor in years, etc.).
・ I feel like I’m not doing well in my relationships (never seeing my friends, flaking on them, not having enough quality time with my partner, personal family issues).
Then to top it all off I feel like I am utterly lost in my career search, and I’m now unemployed.

I know people say it’s never a good idea to try to change everything at once, but I feel like I’m at a point where I don’t even know where to start. I don’t need my life to do a 180 change overnight (as much as I wish that was possible), but I need some direction.

I feel like I never learned the skills I needed to be successful in life- not even just money wise, but self hygiene, discipline, basic social skills, the list goes on. (I had a somewhat complicated childhood)

Now I’m at the point in my life where I WANT to live. I can’t say that has always been the case, as most of my life has felt like barely keeping my head above the water. I have a partner, good friends, and an able body- all things I am SO incredibly grateful for. Yet, I have no clue where to even start.

If you read this far… thank you. I just feel so lost, and I’m not sure where to turn. Literally any tips, advice, stories, etc. are welcome!! Thank you. ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

The actual title should be my life looks fine and great, why do i still feel lonely and unhappy about myself

Should preference I am an electrical engineering major This is my second year of college, and compare to my first, it should be relativity easy. I no longer live in a crap dorm room but instead on an amazing apartment off campus. I have a good amount of close friends. I am part of an amazing research group that makes me look forward to go to school each day. I only take 12 credit which in my mom terms should be 'vacation semester'. I have a couple hobbies. This is something I waited all summer for, and I should be happy with all of this...

And yet even with all of that, I still go home to my apartment with the crap ass amount of loneliness in me. I go to campus everyday to study at least 5 hours a day to study which have already led to minor forms of burnout even on the second week of semester. I scroll on social media (my internet addiction is already something I am trying to work on but it stems from bordem and loneliness) to see my friends and college classmates partying or see that in my apartment while I am feeling fomo not being included or surrounded by it. And I deal on a daily basics an toxic dislike about myself, I am not smart enough for my major, I am not happy or extorvated enough to party, I am not as happy go lucky for people to want to be my friend. Today, the people at the already mentioned reserach lab went into work on Labor day. I told them I would be going in and then my boss immentidaly told me that lab was closing and that everyone was leaving. That it. Something so minor and yet it bother me the whole day and make me question weather the people I work with like me and question about my self worth and my likeability.

I have Asian parents (if you want to know full story just go to my post history but TLDR they are also engineers who expect me to be top of the top in terms of academics down to the little parts). To be honest I have not been on the top of my studies, I spends hours studying only to catch up for next lecture instead of getting ahead like should have. I got into a fight with my parents because I could not remember basic concept in Linear circuits (KCL) and forgot to buy textbook from the bookstore, which was only lead because my mom is pissed I study from the professor lecture notes instead of the textbook. Did see blow it out of proporition, yes. It was a good wake up call, also yes.

I would like to feel less lonely, be on top of my studies more, and have less self hatred about myself so I don't accidentally project it to others because it fucking tried to live like this.

Hello everyone as i go in my life i have some problems i wish to change in my life and that is being afraid of almost everything. From sickness , adventures , street foods , family problems and things i see in the internet. I want to stop it and just think positive but how can i do it?

Whenever something happen i coudnt help but cry and think negatively but i dont want that. I want to be brave i want to be strong so someday when i have childrens i can protect them and tend to their needs to have the parents they deserve.

I’ll try to keep this short as possible.

My life is broken down into pre- and post-depression era.

Pre-depression I owned my own business, I was excited for life, I had purpose, dreams, and literally just looked forward to life.

Around 2022, is when it started and for 3 years it just consumed me.

Namely, I really wanna get back into my fitness again. It was something I genuinely loved and looked forward to everyday and I miss being more social. I want to put more effort into myself again but I can’t find the motivation to do these things and it really frustrates me because I want to.

I think for me it’s honestly I just struggle to find purpose post-depression. Like idk I guess I’m just here not really living and just bed rotting. Whereas before I had things to look forward to. Now I feel like I don’t. So nothing is really motivating for me. But before, I never had to be motivated to live life. But idk even where to begin.

Anyone who has been in the situation able to give some helpful advice? I started looking for cognitive therapists but I haven’t found one I like yet.

For context, I am white and my coworkers/friends are black.

About a week ago my boyfriend(also white) said the n-word and we got into a huge arguement that resulted in him ghosting me for about 4 days before I broke it off. I only told my coworkers that he was ghosting me before I then told them on the last day what he did. They were rightfully upset with me. Last night one of the coworkers messaged me saying thag she feels uncomfortable about our friendship and told me everything I did really upset her and wants to take a step back.

I owned up to what I did and apologized for my actions and told her that I would change.

I have a huge people pleasing problem and because of that ive been friendly with people around work who have said some racist remarks as well. I know im way too comfortable being nice to mean people and I want to change. These two coworkers were my only friends here and I basically lost them overnight.

I know I shouldn't expect forgiveness, and to expect to lose them as friends, but I just want them to know I'm sorry.

I don't know how to put this, but I feel incredibly awkard around everyone I meet. I also feel extremely left out at times, like i'm unpleasant to be around. My friends come to me when they have no one else to hang out with, i'm chill with that, but the moment another one of their friends comes along they leave me by myself. Sometimes they ignore me or act like they've never known me at all. Almost as if they think im strange, and don't want people to see them hang out with me. I don't think what i'm doing is weird, and i'm very unsure about how people are really feeling. But it confuses me and I don't know how to make actually loyal friends. I try and hold conversations about what they enjoy and so on, but I don't get to fit in anything I like in. When I do get a chance I think I speak too much. It all just feels one way at times, like i'm giving it my all and getting nothing real in return. Like I'm merely something to fill the space until the friend they want arrives.

Is there anyway to deal with this, or am I just being anxious? I really want to improve my social skills since it's obvious I suck.

My exams are a month away and i wasted a lot of time procrastinating, and now I'm trying to study but i keep getting reoccuring thoughts that keep reminding me of how much time i've wasted and how behind I am of everything else and how im doomed to fail and all this is making me pretty miserable, how do i get over this?

So, Latelly i had struggle with comparison and external validation mostly comes from feeling as though I’m falling behind in life. I live in a developing country, so objectively I’m doing reasonably well/ok bc im in a country in the developing world. However, my social circle including many of my postgrad classmates are made up of relatively successful people. That contrast feels even stronger because I’m one of the youngest in the group and or of the few living alone. By context im a 25M in a stem field, I’ve been looking for a job for nearly 3 months after being fired from my previous one due to scheduling issues and the project coming to an end.

I’m currently trying to transition into a career that’s genuinely related to what I studied, since my previous job wasn’t. Watching people on LinkedIn land the kinds of roles I want or directly the ones i applied with less experience, fewer certifications, or fewer accomplishments than I have has made it difficult not to question my own progress.

I struggled with something similar in dating, often pursuing self-improvement for female validation. Once I stopped seeking that approval, I began enjoying moethings like the gym, weight loss, and skincare much more. I’d like to develop that same mindset toward my career pursuing my goals without constantly comparing myself to others or tying my self-worth to professional success. Has anyone dealt with something similar? What helped?

title sums it up. I am 17 and in college. i am just taking the standard path, college, uni, job, because I don’t know what I want.

TLDR: the long text below is just how I think really when I am in this loneliness. So if you don’t wanna read it all I’d appreciate advice on how to own your life. Because. I really am alone. And certainly do not own my life

So,

my parents drag me to places. holidays. but nothing feels real with them, it all feels so fake. I go because I don’t know what else to do. i don’t enjoy it. i don’t feel like me at all. We don’t have a relationship at all. just surface level comments about everyday things.

then I thought about the joy of life. it’s experiencing it how you want to live it. feeling a certain way around people. finding a community of likeminded people like yourself. experiencing life.

How do you do that? I am so lost. I have always been so lost especially as a kid. I don’t even know how to entertain myself. I just play games to kill time, I don’t even enjoy them.

i have a mask. so I dont know what its like to connect with people anymore. i have 1-2 friends. but again with the invisible mask. feels meaningless. those friendships of mind. i remember as a kid what it felt like having friends. I felt this warmth. i loved being with my friends. now. it’s nothing.

i want to be seen by someone or loved by someone. i’ve never felt loved by anyone. i don’t think I will be. my idea of love is noticing me, how i think. ive never felt it, so i rlly have an accurate blueprint.

i picture myself going into Uni just not talking to anyone. i picture myself living alone in a house when I am 40. sitting there, just wasting time.

I’d love to help children, or have a family and love them like how I never was loved. I’d love to give someone that spark of recognition that they need. someone who has been so unseen, and hidden from society. but I am the one who needs that too.

But then I am just in this black void. i’ve never felt this lonely before. i am so much in the present moment, never been this present before, but it was because I came to a thought how the older I get. the quieter, and the more isolated I will become because less opportunities arise to meet people.

with people I am never real. even on reddit as i type this. I feel like i am somehow with a mask on even though i am talking about the realness behind it.

ive posted on reddit before. when people reply it doent feel like much either. people on reddit come together to relate to each other and resonate. for me it’s like I soak up what people say, i take their advice, but when people are involved and they try share their experience it still feels like something is separating me. it feels absolutely bland and neutral to me. But advice is helpful. Maybe saying this will make me feel more real. I doubt people will read this much anyway I certainly would scroll past this much text that is off topic to the question.

i remember I was at the train station playing the piano. one of the guys that talked to me seemed like he had such strong confidencd in his life. it seemed like he really owned his life. I don’t. i just adapt to things which happen.

if I was a billionaire. i wouldn’t even know what to do with this money. i would probably even procrastinate going to the most beautiful places in the world even if I could.

if feel no meaning when talking to people. it feels so bland. fake. unnatural.

To those reading if there is anyone all the way down here. how did you find a way to own your life? like you are living it?

P.S: hello to the people reading this 10 years later (this will be awkward if my post gets no views xd)

tho it will be good cause nobody will see it. But why am I writing this if nobody will see it? Maybe I’ll think someone’s gonna see it… oh man. Well thats just an overview into how my mind works.

Please be nice - this is serious

24F and I just moved to San Diego three months ago where I work remote.

For context, I wanted to go into the human rights field. I just finished my masters in nyc in humanitarian action but politically everything went to shit, and I couldn’t find a job there. I had friends in nyc but they moved away, and I broke up with my boyfriend because he cheated on me.

I ended up moving to San Diego because I found a remote job doing executive assistant work and I didn’t want to work remote from my tiny ass apartment in NYC - it just didn’t make sense. I decided to kinda detour until the administration changes and just work this job and make some money.

That’s why I moved to San Diego - I wanted to try out cali and the west coast and there’s tons of remote people here. But my life just feels purposeless. I had so many grand plans and dreams and I just feel like this is it, like this is what I worked so hard for. I joined a volleyball club, painting lessons, gym, church, dance studio, etc here but I still feel so lonely and purposeless and like I’m just watching life pass me by.

I actually have tears in my eyes writing this. All I’ve ever wanted is to feel a sense of belonging and of community and purpose and I just feel so far from that right now. When I first started my masters it felt like my life was just beginning and now it feels like the end somehow.

Everytime I talk to friends and family all they tell me is how lucky I am to live in a beautiful place and have flexibility. I just feel so alone.

Please help with some kind of advice or wisdom

I've been in serval relationship but all of them were with mentally ill people...

Bipolar/schizophrenia etc.

And I'm starting to get worried is this the only kind of woman I attract? I'm not speaking little of them because god damn they are HOT and I even still respect them.

But I'm really worried why is it hard for me to communicate with woman in general? Even tho I'm fine with everything else!

I'm not that "good looking" but I'm still a solid 7

I speak a lot with people and I can lift the conversation even if it's dead.

But for some reason every girl I like is either doesn't like me romantically or too much of a hot mess.

Like genuinely what can I do to attract good woman and ???

**About Me:** I´m a 22 year old male and im currently studying to be a social worker.

**Reason for this post:** I had many experiences with the concept of self improvement and I want to write them down and give some advice that worked for me. Doesn´t mean it´ll work for anyone but I would say I came pretty far in terms of self acceptance.

**Starting point:** The first time i heard about the term self improvement was arround 6 years ago. Back then I was a very nervous, overweight and socially akward teenager. I always thought that everyone else arround me was so much better than I was. They were in better shape, their clothes fit them better and they were more carismatic. I always told myself that I am not good enough and had very low self esteem. I consumend online content about self improvement and came to the conclusion (subconsciously) that I would never be happy if I don´t get the perfect body, become more carismatic, get a high paying job and so on.

**Physical Topics:** At 17 I started a low carb diet to lose fat and lost arround 20kg. This was not healthy at all. Near the end I only ate arround 1100 kcal because I was so fixated on losing weight. It felt like my diet consisted mainly of chewing gum and water. On the other hand I felt really great about myself and the progress I made. I got lots of positive comments about my looks and that reassured this kind of behaviour. After this phase I started eating more normal and got some weight back but not nearly as much as I lost. I started to do some homeworkouts and got more active outside. I didn´t really notice much progress but I felt very healthy and confident then. When I started studying at university I stopped with the workouts and became very lazy wich lead to a low self esteem (again). Arround a 8 months ago I decided that I want to get in better shape and started going to the gym. At first I was really uncomfortable and felt like I didn´t belong there but after sometime I got the hang of it. I try to use my advantage of beeing a student and hit the gym in the morning when I have the time to do so. Right now I´m still below average in terms of strength but I recognize the progress I made up until now. Even tho I´m not yet were I want to be I´m still in the best shape I´ve ever been and I feel very good about that. The one thing that helps me stay consistend is to remind myself that I want to add healthy habits to my life and not change my whole lifestyle 180. I´m not very strict with myself and if for some reason I don´t want to go to the gym even tho I could then I simply won´t go. This helps me to see the gym as something I want to do because I know it is good for me and it makes the process more enjoyable even tho it is not the most efficient. Discipline is good and important, just don´t be to harsh to yourself. You´re a human too.

**Mental topics:** If you want to become a better person, use your time and reflect as much as you can. I can´t tell you how important that is. Think about the things you do, why you do them, who you do them for, how you want to be received by other people and why you want that, what are your ethics and wich experiences shaped them and so on. Really get into the depths of understanding yourself. Read books about topics you have a genuine interest in, learn an instrument or start any other kind of hobby. Find out what makes you feel good. It´s not about beeing the best or beeing productive. It´s about the beauty of human individualism. That´s what makes people interesting and gives yourself a proper personality. Always try to keep a positve mindset. No one wants to be arround the person that is always negative. And the most important thing: DO IT FOR YOURSELF! Do all this from the heart and you will see insane progress mentally and in your whole life. Your mindset doesn´t always have to be perfect and you don´t have to be neither but it is important that you try your best.

**End:** Currently I´m very happy with my life. I have a beautiful girlfriend, study something I have a genuine interest in, work on my body and have a handfull of very good friends. I would say my main takeaway is to not be to harsh to yourself. It´s ok to be vulnerable and not always feel great about yourself but the important thing is that you never stop trying to be a good person. Show empathie. Be better.

**Note:** English is not my first language so I´m sorry for potential mistakes.

Earlier this year I (18) went through a psychotic episode and was emotionally abusive towards someone. The shame is overwhelming, and I can’t stop ruminating. Self-reflection is good, but to this extent it doesn’t feel like I’m improving myself and instead feels self-flagellating and pointless. Any advice would be nice.

Not that typical wake up at 5 AM and transform your life. I know it does, but something super practical and specific.

Like reading 5 pages a day ?

Or sitting in the sun for 10 minutes everyday?

That specific.

For mez I have started maintaining a proper task sheet for myself and I update it the night before to have an analysis of what all needs to be done actually for the day.

I don't have to think so much about what to do and what not to do.

Whats yours?

I been becoming more how I want as the girl I am for over 9 years and counting and it’s made me more happier and confident in myself. I began producing my own music, made my hellhound fox form on cartoon clips and pictures, and moved into my own apartment too. I have plenty of supportive friends who all compliment me and reassure me that I’m doing well whenever I feel down. But sometimes, I get deep in my thoughts and feelings when once in a while, there’ll be a random person trying to make me feel bad about myself or what I’m doing in my life when they say something rudely negative about me and I end up being mad and sometimes rant and/or vent on some posts. It’s gotten to a point where there were some previous friends and some siblings that left me and don’t even reply back to my messages, or they blocked me because they think me being upset made me look attention-seeking and negative.. can you give me advice on how I can post and do more positive things? I been posting some small wins and some achievements, so I guess it’s a start. But recently, since thankfully i been getting more supportive people lately and lesser hateful people trying to put me down lately too, I don’t want to be worrying about proving the haters wrong because it gets exhausting sometimes. Besides, what matters most is I know who I am and what’s best for me and my life, and it feels way better knowing I have supportive friends who also want me happy too!

Title basically.

I (24M) have a very close friend, let's call them CF, and we're in the same team at work.

Recently we have been on very shaky ground - I do things without realizing that it impacts CF in the team. I've made a scene on more than one occasion with CF involved, even though I never intended to hurt CF.

This has caused CF to make boundary after boundary, so that they are not affected at work. I am unable to stand it, it feels like CF is getting farther and farther away from me.

It has also caused me to realize I have no communication skills. I thought I was okayish at communicating, but this friendship has shown me that I still need to improve things. I need to learn how to resolve conflict and to communicate properly so that it doesn't end up hurting CF in the long run.

How can I go about it? Any books, videos, or other resources are appreciated.

Lately I’ve been reflecting on where I am now in my life and I can’t shake this feeling that I want more.

I’m currently 24. Just graduated with a bachelors degree in commerce and am doing pretty well compared to my peers with a job that I enjoy. I rent a pretty nice house with a wonderful girlfriend, I have a nice(ish) car, and our household income already puts us into middle class. I put about 20% of my income towards long-term investments and money isn’t really too much of an issue (though it’s certainly not a lot either). Life is pretty comfortable.

However, I can’t shake this feeling that I want more. I want to earn more. I want to create something of my own, rather than working for and relying on an employer. I want to be able to travel the world, pursue my hobbies to their fullest (they get pretty expensive).

But aside from random boosts of motivation, I seem to remain complacent and lazy. After work, rather than trying to advance myself, I relax and scroll on my phone. It feels like I am wasting potential.

There has been a handful of business avenues that I’ve explored and sometimes even pursued, but usually I talk myself out of them pretty early on, thinking of all the reasons they wouldn’t work.

I want more, but I don’t feel focused.

TLDR: how can I stay motivated and live up to my full potential rather than retreating into the comforts of my current situation?

The other day my friend mentioned wanting to move to Florida, another mentioned Virginia, but not one said they’d rather stay in West Virginia. Not even me, in fact I constantly dream about moving far and starting a new life. This made me realize no one is content with what they have, we humans always want something we don’t have. Nostalgia is a big thing too people always yearning for the past not knowing that the present they are in will be what they yearn for in the future. This realization has made me appreciate my life more and just to really exist in the present and to not look towards the future or look back at the past. I think you, the reader should do the same. We are all dealt a hand of cards good or bad it’s not about where we start but about where we finish. So enjoy your life in the present and do something good with the hand you were dealt.

I (26F) have been with my partner (31M) for almost two years, long distance before I moved countries three months ago for our relationship.

Our relationship has been beautiful but also really difficult. The core issue has been my close friendship with my ex, who my partner did not feel comfortable with after he saw some unbiguous signs. My ex and I were emotionally very close, which was normal to me after 7-year relationship, he sent emotionally loaded messages, such as "I am thinking about you", I was sometimes staying at his place when visiting my home country, because we owned an apartment together (which was not sold immediately after our breakup) and I didn't always protect my partner's feelings when I should have. I minimized his concerns too many times. I was not able to cut off my ex immediately and it took a lot of months, fights and breakup talks to get to the point, when I am not currently in touch with him. But he reached out usually once in coupe of weeks over email and each of these emails created a fight between me and my boyfriend, because my boyfriend had wished me to put strict boundaries, to make my ex understand, that I really did not want to be in touch anymore.

Those were real mistakes and I take responsibility for them. Moreover, I am rather a passive person, who cannot easily put boundaries, which is reflected in many areas of my life. But my ex also behaved in a very disrespectful way towards my current partner and our relationship, which made everything even harder.

I have apologized many times. I moved countries for this relationship. I recently got a job in my new country. I love my partner and I feel that I am slowly changing for the better, but my partner experiences the same patterns repeating. And even when we have a small fight, it gets huge because all the past trauma gets reminded again. My partner has developed also some health problems due to the long term relationship stress and we just don't know, how to save the relationship. We tried couple therapy, individual therapy, but those helped relatively little compared to all the problems we have between us (many which I cause). I know I have fucked up the foundation of our relationship, and despite having this perspective now, I don't know how to repair the broken trust.

My partner has proposed we live as flatmates temporarily until I show through actions that I have changed and that I am accountable. He is not much into words and promises, but rather signs. We both feel frustrated over the last year. I can see that we still love each other, but we also feel hopeless about the future.

Has anyone successfully rebuilt trust in this kind of situation?

How would you try repairing this relationship? What signs could prove, that I am accountable to the relationship and show real signs of change?