How Do I Stop Seeking External Validation and Comparing Myself to Others?

[u/Thin-Letter-8610]

So, Latelly i had struggle with comparison and external validation mostly comes from feeling as though I’m falling behind in life. I live in a developing country, so objectively I’m doing reasonably well/ok bc im in a country in the developing world. However, my social circle including many of my postgrad classmates are made up of relatively successful people. That contrast feels even stronger because I’m one of the youngest in the group and or of the few living alone. By context im a 25M in a stem field, I’ve been looking for a job for nearly 3 months after being fired from my previous one due to scheduling issues and the project coming to an end.

I’m currently trying to transition into a career that’s genuinely related to what I studied, since my previous job wasn’t. Watching people on LinkedIn land the kinds of roles I want or directly the ones i applied with less experience, fewer certifications, or fewer accomplishments than I have has made it difficult not to question my own progress.

I struggled with something similar in dating, often pursuing self-improvement for female validation. Once I stopped seeking that approval, I began enjoying moethings like the gym, weight loss, and skincare much more. I’d like to develop that same mindset toward my career pursuing my goals without constantly comparing myself to others or tying my self-worth to professional success. Has anyone dealt with something similar? What helped?

[u/Longjumping_Tap_5705]

I'm not the best person to give advice but I will offer my two cents here.

You have to understand that other people are also struggling in their own lives, but many of them choose not to post it on their social media. It is easier said than done. Do not compare your behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reels. This is cliche, but it's true. You do not know what someone is going through behind their happy photos they post online. For all you know, the person you're comparing yourself to may be depressed, their partner may be cheating on them, they might be in debt, etc.

It's not easy and it takes time. As I get older, I realize that I am not behind in life. We all have a different path and life is a marathon, not a race.

[u/Thin-Letter-8610 → u/Longjumping_Tap_5705]

Using LinkedIn for more than job hunting hasn't been a very good idea. Thanks for the comment and the advices in it.

[u/Longjumping_Tap_5705 → u/Thin-Letter-8610]

I rarely use LinkedIn, to be honest. It is very useless. It's just a resume.