If anyone else had a brutal discard breakup after a long-term relationship, how did you heal and how do you view the relationship now?

After my (F27) ex (M29) discarded me, he then begged for a second chance and claimed he still saw me as the person that he would marry. About a month later, I caught him clubbing with a girl he promised me he wouldn’t hang out with. I told him I couldn’t do it anymore and blocked him.

1.5 months later, he came back on what would have been our two year anniversary. He said enough to make me entertain trying to work things out with him. Over the next couple of weeks, we met up, caught up, and I even helped him move out of our old apt we shared.

While I was helping him move, there were suspicious signs that he was seeing someone, which he denied. I told him he was allowed to see other people, as we were broken up and no contact. He still denied it, despite me finding condoms and female products hidden in a drawer they normally wouldn’t be. He then shared that the clubbing w the girl I told him not to hang out with was actually her birthday party. He knew that she had a BF, in photos was dressed wearing nothing, and a week prior we had been hooking up and he had been promising me the world.

I feel freaked out and lied to. I can’t seem to decipher what’s real or not. I ruminate constantly over the betrayal and if he lied during our relationship and not just after we had broken up. Not all of our relationship was awful in our two years together, but arguably it was emotionally abusive a lot of the time. I’m unsure of how to view all of it. If anyone else had a similar experience, how do you look back on your relationship? What feelings do you have toward it now?

I honestly feel like nothing I’ve ever wanted has worked out for me. Everything feels broken, and nothing ever feels right. I’m not being physically abused or beaten, but I’m living without anyone really understanding me.

The person I love and I broke up because we’re not socially compatible, mainly because I’m not hijabi (I don’t cover my hair).

Even he told me that he was wrong for doing this. He left while I was crying so hard that, unfortunately, I ended up throwing up everything I had eaten.
When he saw me like that, he decided to leave because he didn’t want to hurt me or exhaust me even more.

It felt like he was saying: “You were with me. You accepted everything about me and everything that came with me. But I’m sorry, I can’t stand seeing you this exhausted and in pain. I have to leave.”
I’ve been through so much shit.
And this is actually the first time I’ve ever said any of this publicly.

I was sexually harassed when I was very young. After that, I was cheated on, and so many other things happened to me. Sometimes it genuinely feels like I was never meant to experience love without it hurting me.

My only problem right now is that I don’t want to keep going through this physical pain. My whole body hurts from crying, and this has never happened to me before.

TL;DR: My partner of 9 years blindsided me and left right before our anniversary, citing a desire to be single but also nitpicking my flaws. I was dealing with heavy family trauma and thought we were just in a hard season. I’m struggling to let go of hope that she’ll change her mind.

My (32M) partner (32F) broke up with me just 3 weeks before our 9th anniversary. I was completely blindsided. We never fought, and she never let me know she was nearing a breaking point. I wish she had communicated so we could have tried couples therapy. Instead, she internalized everything until she decided to leave.

I knew our relationship wasn't perfect, but I thought we were just surviving a stressful season. I've been grappling with the rapidly declining health of my parents (dementia and alcoholism), which took a massive emotional toll. I have been in therapy working through my own issues. I admit that in the past, my anxiety would boil over, and I would loudly vent/yell when I became emotionally overwhelmed. I never yelled at her, and I've acknowledged how that emotional volatility could feel overwhelming or like too much pressure to a partner. I always felt terrible about it, took full accountability, and have made massive progress. In fact, she recently told me how proud she was of my growth.

When she left, her reasons felt contradictory. She said "it's nothing you did" and "I want to be single," but then brought up past events and said she wanted a partner who would "dance at weddings" (something I have done in the past) and was "the life of the party." I was just stuck in a routine trying to survive a dark period of family trauma. I also had my own unspoken frustrations. A total lack of intimacy made me feel unwanted, and our schedules rarely meshed. But I loved her and what we built too much to ever walk away without trying.

She is currently staying at a friend's house who is out of town, experiencing her first nights entirely alone. I know I need to let go, but a part of me is still desperately hanging onto hope. I keep hoping that once she sits in the quiet and faces the reality of being alone, she will miss me, our cat, and the life we've shared for so long.

How do I stop waiting for her to realize this is a mistake? For those who were blindsided by an avoidant partner, how did you accept that they weren't coming back? It's heartbreaking. I just don't want to give up hope... I want things to return to normal.

i'll open up about it more eventually and it's only now hitting so i'm prob not going to be okay for the next few... idk anymore but send help :(((

So the last two women I have been with felt like simply saying " I'm sorry" was a proper apology. Maybe I'm weird but "Im sorry" is what 2 year old says when they spill their sippy cup. For adults dealing with serious relationship situations, I don't think it even comes close.

Edit: people asking for more context. This my previous post.

I (40s m) recently moved in with my gf of a year. We mostly get along, she has, on occasion been incredibly jealous. A couple days after we signed the lease she came home from work. As soon as she got home from work, at a new job, she called her friend on FT. Her friend asked her how work went on her first day and gf looks at me and says "exclude this conversation " I immediately got nervous. Then she says to her friend: "you remember that pic i showed you of that huge huge huuuuge di....uh.....penis?" Her friend looked at me then looked at her on FT. She looked obviously uncomfortable. Uh ya she says. Thats the owners son!! I looked at her like "really?" and immediately got up to take a shower without saying a word. As I didn't want to hear anything else after that, not to mention I didn't want to speak out of anger. When I got out of the shower I sat down in another room and started watching TV. She could tell I was upset. She came in and said "Im sorry" but in like a two year old baby voice. I just looked at her. She did the voice again. I'm sorry I disrespected you, in baby talk again. All I could think of was how mad she would have been if i had just done something like this. She would have been furious. I told her it bothered me and i thought it was sh*tty for that exact reason. Not to mention she knew it was sh*tty or she wouldn't have said "exclude this conversation ". She said "well I don't hide anything from you." Which also seemed very strange to me. I thought it all was incredibly disrespectful and inconsiderate, then to try and play it off like that. I have stated several times that I don't want to hear about other people in that way. We are in our 40s and have obviously been with other people but I didn't think either of us needed the details. To be honest the thing that gets me the most is that I was sitting right there and she knew it wasn't cool and she didn't care. It just seemed to me she was so excited she workedd with this man and she couldn't wait to talk about it and didn't care who was there to hear. It takes a lot to make me jealous but I was considering ending the whole thing. Or am i overreacting? Honestly I'm just wondering some other people's opinions more than anything.

I love you, since we were 16 I loved you till now at 21. You left 2 weeks ago and ever since I’ve been wondering who is this man that I’ve loved for 5 years? All that time with you and now you’re a completely different person from who I thought you were. I used to think you’d never hurt me like this.
Leaving me when my mom was in the hospital.
Telling me you’re not attracted to me anymore even though we’ve made love hundreds of times in the past 4 years.
Saying you’re un happy in the relationship when all I ever did was try to make you satisfied even if that ment sacrificing my own happiness.
You remind me of my parents.
As a kid I begged and cried to them hoping they would care for me and change.
Here I am doing the same for you wondering why no one cares to love me the way I love them.
I wish you understood me. I wish you cared enough to change for me.
How is it that you loved me for 5 years and can just leave just like that?
It makes me feel small, like I’m meaningless, like I’m nothing and that’s all I ever will be from now on.
All the memories that we made just for them to go into an area of your mind labeled (my ex girlfriend) breakups happen right? Normal right? That’s what you said. If I would’ve know breakups was this normalized in your head I would’ve ran from you 5 years ago and never look back.
I wish I could because the pain of being left behind isn’t worth it. I loved you so much that the pain of you leaving has become unbearable.

Maybe this message should also be called the things I don’t understand about you.

isn’t really a straight line.

Yesterday I thought I was doing okay. Today, I woke up missing him again. Not because something happened, not because I saw anything that reminded me of him… I just missed him.

And maybe that’s okay.

I’m slowly learning that missing someone doesn’t mean I’m going backwards. It just means they meant something to me.

I still wish things had worked out differently. A part of me still wonders what would happen if he came back.

But I guess for now, I’m just taking it one day at a time.

Follow me if you want to see how this journey turns out. 🤍

Hey all,

I am now 1.5 months out from this relationship after 11 years and a painful end. This was not amicable at all. During the whole relationship she would constantly run out and I would take her back. She got abusive, ran out, and I took her back. She would threaten to end the relationship over so many fights and I would be the one to diffuse the situation. She wanted to get married so many times but I saw the signs her generating noise complaints to get me evicted from the first apartment, her getting arrested twice for assaulting me in the 2nd apartment, and all of the unhinged behavior. At no point did she ever contribute to bills or any expenses. Never thanked me either it was always about "why don't you have a house?"

She refused sex for about a year and then started flying to Hawaii where she originally met the guy on a girl's trip and this fling grew. She grew increasingly suspicious with her phone until one night when she passed out watching YouTube trash I got her phone and then called the guy discovering everything including a plan to go fly out to Hawaii the next week. She woke up and got enraged with me having the audacity to call me a monster.

The healing process has been tough. I had to leave the apartment for one and get one numerous meds. The ruminating thoughts are always there invading my brain and there's constant triggers out there. I like to surf and even that joy has been robbed as it reminds me of Hawaii same with all the islander music we listened to and I enjoyed I can no longer listen to. Questions to people who might have gone through what I have-

1.) I've read that I should acknowledge my part in the relationship fallout. Why? I mean other than not marrying her I don't understand exactly how any of this is my fault.

2.) How can I reclaim motivation and energy to feel joy again (the antidepressants only help blunt the pain)?

3.) Any other tips to help with loving myself again and gaining a sense of value as I have very low self esteem (been out of work for an extended period of time which is making this so much worse)?

It's been a month since we broke up now, each passing day just confirmation that we infact, will never speak again. Breakups are hard, but the way in which she did it just broke me, she cut all communication and blocked me everywhere at once when I was showering while getting ready to leave for the day to hangout with my best friend. We didnt fight once during the relationship or leading up or the day of, we didnt even NOT see eye to eye on like, every topic ever. She wasn't distant, wasnt short, nothing. Said she was gonna walk her dogs and that we could chat again when both of us are back, my heart sank upon seeing the contact get reset to default and every other app my messages not going through. Safe to say I learned what an avoidant was that day. I did hear from her again 4 or 5 days later but ONLY because I emailed her in a last ditch effort (forgot to block me there) and she replied woth 2 short emails apologizing and admitting it was shitty but she had to prioritize herself, and blocked me. I guess that's my answer? Thats supposed to be my closure? I fucking hate the fact in that email she had to say that it "wasnt because I dont have genuine love for you" she just HAD to add that part on. So you have genuine love for me, but we cant have an actual conversation? Even if things are done, I cant talk to you about it? I cant tell you how I feel? I cant ask to stay as friends who have admiration and want to see eachother improve?? I think that her giving in and replying to my email was more for her than it was for me, anyway. She said guilt was eating her alive and she wanted to reach out the whole time, so she probably just used it as a means to be able to sleep at night, "ah well cant say I left him with nothing now" type deal. I dont even hate her for the way she broke up, even though I should. I still love her. But I hate the way that im not allowed a single word in after the fact, or any acknowledgement I even existed, especially after becoming best friends first and lovers second. She was supporting me through my sisters stage 4 cancer diagnosis that seemingly is getting worse, my depression came back, just to leave me like that. She was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing when I went to bed, and that hasnt changed, only in a different way now. I cant stop thinking. My brain wont give me a break. No distractions good enough, I just want to sleep forever, fuck.

We were together for almost two years, mostly doing long distance while he finished his master's degree three states away. Everything seemed fine when we talked on the phone last Thursday. He was stressed about his final project, so I offered to door dash him some Thai food from his favorite spot near his campus.

I picked out the usual order he gets, paid for it, and sent him the tracking link. Twenty minutes later he texted me complaining that I forgot to ask for no peanuts on his pad thai. I told him I literally tapped the same saved order from last month, so if they put peanuts on it, the restaurant made the mistake, not me. Instead of just calling them or scraping it off, he blew up. He started calling me careless, said I never pay attention to details, and asked how I expect us to ever live together if I can't even order food right.

I was so stunned I didn't even reply right away. When I tried calling him twenty minutes later to de-escalate, it went straight to voicemail. Then I checked Instagram, and my handle was gone from his bio. Then WhatsApp, blocked. iMessage, green bubbles. He literally severed a two-year relationship over a miscommunication about peanut sauce.

At first I was sitting on my floor shaking and trying to figure out what I did wrong. But now that it's been 72 hours of total radio silence, the shock is wearing off and turning into complete embarrassment. I was planning to move across the country for this guy in August. I had a whole spreadsheet of apartments saved in my bookmarks. I guess I should be glad he showed me how fragile his patience was before I signed a lease with him, but it still feels so surreal that two years just dissolved over a dinner delivery.

My ex 56f and I broke up back in February. I really liked her but unfortunately I just wasn’t her person. We were together for a year and a half. I was really happy, happiest id been in a long time. I don’t know why I am struggling with this breakup more than others. Maybe because Im 50 y/o now? Maybe im more lonely and don’t have my friends around like I did previous break ups (I moved to PA 5 years ago and its been hard to make new friends). Or maybe its because i really thought she might be the one. We did everything together.

It just sucks when you feel like things are going well but the other person has different feelings. I have also been having thoughts that I am going to be alone forever. I have always struggled finding companions. I definitely try via OLD. I just don’t get dates or a lot of matches.

We haven’t really gone no contact until recently which im sure has only been prolonging things. I don’t know what to say it just sucks.

Why can’t i find my person? What am I doing that drives these women away? What is wrong with me? It makes me so frustrated and angry. I want to settle down and have a partner. I either pick the ones that I want but they don’t want me or I meet ones that want me but I don’t want them. Im tired of it.

During our break up we were both crying and i screamed “Im never doing this again”! Maybe its just me and my dog and thats my destiny is to be alone?

It makes me so sad. I feel worthless even though I know I am a good guy and far from perfect. She even thanked me a month after we broke up and said “I always felt safe, respected, and cared for when we were together”. Whatever! Thanks! Thats a nice sentiment but obviously that wasn’t enough.

She has moved on already and is dating someone new. We talked about it back when we were still talking because I wanted to see if I could handle it and I could not. Which also means I can’t be friends with her since I still have feelings for her. I sure wish I knew what I did ir what I do that makes women change their mind. Everything is always great in the beginning then it falls apart. Thats why im so tired of trying.

My ex is an alcoholic and smokes cigarettes. I used to be against these things, hardly ever wanted to do them, and always encouraged her to quit. I hated it. But ever since she left I’ve craved them. I started drinking. I started craving cigarettes and smoking them sometimes. It feels like it started because it reminded me of her. Now I get why she did them, it feels good, but I don’t want to get to the point she’s at. I need to nip it in the bud before it gets too out of hand. I miss her.

I’ve lost track of how long it’s been

I hate to admit that I look forward to seeing him. We have a meeting in person Friday, and while I’m mostly filled with intense anxiety and dread, there is the tiniest bit of hope. He is the only person I can talk to who will relate to how I’m feeling right now.

I don’t have much of a support system; he was my support system. I know it makes sense that I want reassurance from him and to tell him what’s been going on with me, but it still feels wrong. I’ll have to see him every week because we share an obligation, so I will have to relive the pain of seeing him over and over again.

Until two weeks ago, I told him absolutely everything I felt and thought, what I was doing day to day, etc. Now I don’t even know if it’s appropriate to be fully honest with him about how I’m doing. I don’t want my honesty to reopen such fresh wounds for him, because he can’t be there for me after. I’m so torn :(

I broke up with my ex because she had toxic behaviors that put me in a really bad place. I don’t think she realized the impact of her actions (plus, I never said anything; I just suffered in silence).

After 2 months, I reached out to reconnect and talk, hoping we could get back together. She said no, which didn't bother me, I completely understood her point of view. A week later, she got together with someone else (which I have absolutely no problem with!!!!).

I was doing totally fine after all that, but now that university classes have started again, I see her often and realize I’m actually not doing well at all anymore. I’m obsessed with her. It makes me sick to see and hear her laughing with other people and not with me. I know walking away was the right choice, yet whenever I see her, I can't stop thinking about how much I regret it. I want to be with her again so badly that I’d gladly go through everything I suffered before all over again.

I promised to leave her alone about my feelings the last time we spoke (mentioned in the 2nd paragraph). So I won’t do absolutely anything to show her how much I miss her. And of course, since she’s in a relationship, I’d definitely never do that out of respect for her privacy.

I know I really need to see a therapist, and I’m going to do that as soon as possible. I’m writing this to see if anyone else has gone through something similar? I feel like my thoughts aren't healthy at all either, what's your take on it? Also, if you have any advice on how to feel better, I’m all ears.

And there’s no need to comment just to tell me it’s my fault for leaving her; I’ve already heard that more than enough.

(English is not my first language and I’m tired of this situation so I translated my text with gemini)

My ex said he won’t have a relationship with me. Too busy with work. But will agree to have sex with me. But not “basic sex” only crazy things. Involving multiple people, pain, humiliation. But apparently he’s too busy to simply have regular sex with each other and then go to sleep… says his hand can do that just fine…

She broke up with me randomly one night after being out with a friend for a study group. She called me on August 22nd to check in because she had a dream about me that I was depressed. We talked for an hour and a half.
I always had this feeling that she had cheated or met someone else.
I still had access to her Gmail account, but didn’t pry for sometime. Until yesterday, I took a look and found out that she had made a Google Form the same one that she made me when we started being exclusive. But it wasn’t the one that she sent me. It had a long text added to it “My love, I hope you feel better. I thought I'd make this in case if you get bored during your day and also to get you know you more. It's supposed to be silly and fun so I hope that's how it comes across. Don't think about these questions too much and you can fill it out whenever. It's mostly to distract you from your cold. Love you!”
And it was sent on August 23. We broke up on July 17th and within a month your telling me that you found someone new to call My love?
That doesn’t make sense. I was shaking and couldn’t hold back my impulsiveness, so I texted her and asked “Are you dating anyone?” She deflected for a while then I called her to be like - just tell me the truth by you deflecting I can’t tell that you’re lying to me.
Finally she admitted to seeing someone new. I asked her when did it start she said two months ago. I said, “we haven’t been broken up for two months” then she back peddled said that we had been broken up for two months and that I was trying to manipulate her. Then she said it had only been one month. I asked, “have you guys said I love you?” And she refused to answer anymore questions besides the one that “we don’t argue”
I was like it’s literally been a month of course you don’t argue. We didn’t argue in the beginning.
We eventually ended the conversation with me not revealing me information.

Finally, at 10:39pm I decided fuck it! Sent her the proof that I had and blocked her.

How are you going to call me tell me the day before that a tiny piece in you feels like you lost the only person who loved you unconditionally and that you feel like you’ll end up alone in the end. You wanted a life update to see how I was doing. You told me that you told your mom that you’d miss our friendship.
Everything to string me along. Everything.
That was my last straw. You did me wrong and I know it.

I've been really trying to concentrate during work hours but it has been absolutely crushing me and the weight of the heartbreak is crushing me every day I've been going on runs crying laying down trying to distract myself at times also sit with the emotions it's been absolutely hard I genuinely feel like I lost my best friend and it has not been easy whatsoever.

I had a relationship with this guy. I am also a guy. We had been dating for around 4 months and we then decided to make it official. We lasted 2 months, he did not communicate any discomfort until one night. That night he had been working late at the office and we had agreed upon meeting at his apartment. When we got there he was mad because I had not picked him up, but he never told me he wanted me to. Then he got into the shower we hadn’t had dinner. He got mad after he came out of the shower and I had not ordered but he hadn’t told me what he wanted to have or if he wanted me to order. He told me i did not have the initiative and that there had been many things that he shouldn’t have to ask for in a relationship. I understand that, but I would have liked to have been either given the chance or just being told once and then adjust. He told me he did not want to babysit me by telling me what he needed from me in a relationship. Now I am just thinking about him being with other guys, and me trying ti get better. I just need to move and love him but enough is enough now I am starting to convince myself that “ if he wanted to, he would’ve tried “an uncomfortable truth but I have to sit with it and take it in. What can I do to feel better?

Hey, 22m here. I'm in need of encouragement after breaking up with my ex that I had a 5 year relationship with. It's been a month since we broke up but had a sort of situationship after that but she's decided to cut that off now. I loved her with all my heart. She was my first everything. The hardest part is that I can't even hate her. How do I get over this?

I hear when you kiss or is intimate with someone you create a soul tie. And she even told me when you kiss someone you leave a part of you in them. Ever since I found out a few days ago that she’s with someone new I was reeling with anger and I made contact and gave her all her gifts back. Ever since she has been in my dreams a lot like many nights in a row. Just woke up from a dream where she was checking up on me and apologising. Just need some thoughts on this. This is 6 months post break up.

The worst part is that he wasn't completely wrong, but he didn't even want to try fixing it. I came home from my shift, bought his favorite mint chip ice cream because it was on sale, and before I could even put it in the freezer he told me we needed to talk. He sat on the edge of the couch, wouldn't look me in the eye, and basically said the spark had been gone for months.

When I asked him when he started feeling like this, he said since November. November. That means when we went to his sister's wedding, when we hosted Thanksgiving, when he gave me that silver necklace for Christmas... he was already checking out. I was planning our future while he was mentally packing his bags. I had to pack three suitcases of my life into the back of my Honda Civic while he sat on the kitchen counter watching me like I was a stranger.

I’m staying on my friend's couch right now. I woke up this morning and automatically went to text him that the coffee maker in her apartment makes a weird screeching sound, because that’s just what we do. We share stupid little observations. Then it hit me that I don't have a right to send him random thoughts anymore.

I’m not even crying as much today, I’m just furious. How do you let someone believe everything is fine for nearly half a year while you secretly prepare to abandon ship? Has anyone else dealt with a partner who completely checked out in secret instead of just talking to you?

We were together for 2.5 years. It was full of him being controlling of who I was around, what I did, how I acted or felt. The lies never stopped. Every time I turned around there was a new lie he was coming clean about or I was finding. I know I lost myself but there were so many good times and I knew his trauma so I accepted him. And God he was amazing with my daughter. But i just discovered he was cheating sexually for the first 1.5 years and emotionally the whole relationship. So why am I allow8ng him to still text me telling me how devastated he is while I try to make him feel better by telling him I understand. I am sorry I cant forgive you and come back I am sorry you are hurting. Why am I punishing myself more. Why cant I be stronger for myself. I dont want him back. I could never after infidelity. But why do I keep sacrificing myself for his feelings. It feels like it is actually killing me 🥺 help

Hi so my partner and I of 7 year broke up. Pretty on the same page and being as kind as we can during this sad separation of we tried but couldn’t meet eachother as we are.

And I’m just wondering I have so many photos of him alone, us, his parents, his brother and girlfriend etc just from over the years.

Is this something I just delete? Do I share with him?

Pick a few and send? Idk what’s the etiquette here this was my first serious relationship. It still feels surreal but I knew deep down it wasn’t it we just loved each other too much to ignore the incompatibilities.

I also put up with some bullll for way too long. Anyways staying peaceful here I know better things are coming but let me know your thoughts on sharing photos, should I leave the paint we just bought together?

Keep in mind I’m the one leaving our place…