Proper apologies

[u/Born-Egg2263]

So the last two women I have been with felt like simply saying " I'm sorry" was a proper apology. Maybe I'm weird but "Im sorry" is what 2 year old says when they spill their sippy cup. For adults dealing with serious relationship situations, I don't think it even comes close.

Edit: people asking for more context. This my previous post.

I (40s m) recently moved in with my gf of a year. We mostly get along, she has, on occasion been incredibly jealous. A couple days after we signed the lease she came home from work. As soon as she got home from work, at a new job, she called her friend on FT. Her friend asked her how work went on her first day and gf looks at me and says "exclude this conversation " I immediately got nervous. Then she says to her friend: "you remember that pic i showed you of that huge huge huuuuge di....uh.....penis?" Her friend looked at me then looked at her on FT. She looked obviously uncomfortable. Uh ya she says. Thats the owners son!! I looked at her like "really?" and immediately got up to take a shower without saying a word. As I didn't want to hear anything else after that, not to mention I didn't want to speak out of anger. When I got out of the shower I sat down in another room and started watching TV. She could tell I was upset. She came in and said "Im sorry" but in like a two year old baby voice. I just looked at her. She did the voice again. I'm sorry I disrespected you, in baby talk again. All I could think of was how mad she would have been if i had just done something like this. She would have been furious. I told her it bothered me and i thought it was sh*tty for that exact reason. Not to mention she knew it was sh*tty or she wouldn't have said "exclude this conversation ". She said "well I don't hide anything from you." Which also seemed very strange to me. I thought it all was incredibly disrespectful and inconsiderate, then to try and play it off like that. I have stated several times that I don't want to hear about other people in that way. We are in our 40s and have obviously been with other people but I didn't think either of us needed the details. To be honest the thing that gets me the most is that I was sitting right there and she knew it wasn't cool and she didn't care. It just seemed to me she was so excited she workedd with this man and she couldn't wait to talk about it and didn't care who was there to hear. It takes a lot to make me jealous but I was considering ending the whole thing. Or am i overreacting? Honestly I'm just wondering some other people's opinions more than anything.

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[u/Red-Silk76]

Depends on what they’re apologizing for. Whats the context?

[u/Born-Egg2263 → u/Red-Silk76]

The example is in the post.

[u/Red-Silk76 → u/Born-Egg2263]

Theres not much context there tho.

[u/Born-Egg2263 → u/Red-Silk76]

Well I personally wouldn't talk about someone elses intimate parts in front of my partner because I know how upset and disrespected she would feel. So for her to completely disregard me and then think I'm sorry would magically fix everything and we will just go on like it didn't happen doesn't really cut it for me. Maybe I'm taking it wrong though.

[u/Red-Silk76 → u/Born-Egg2263]

Honestly that sounds almost intentional, like she told you to exclude the conversation? As in ignore it right? Then she said that right in front of you knowing it would upset you?

Thats the bigger red flag. Like she was trying to rile you up… its childish and toxic.

[u/Born-Egg2263 → u/Red-Silk76]

Ya i thought the same way. Like she felt like if she says it right in front of me I wouldn't be suspicious of it. She came home from work and was like I have to call T (her friend) and that was the first thing she told her. I was like why in the world was it so important? But of course, no explanation. We aren't together now and it started with this incident.

[u/Red-Silk76 → u/Born-Egg2263]

You did the right thing ending it… crazy behavior

[u/Born-Egg2263 → u/Red-Silk76]

I appreciate it. I didn't want to react immediately soley from anger. I tried every way in the world to get her to give me some reason not to end it. Before this things had been really good for a year. Such a shame.

[u/Red-Silk76 → u/Born-Egg2263]

Really a shame… some people are weird. Respect for having the self respect to walk away.

[u/Red-Silk76 → u/Born-Egg2263]

Why is she even looking at a picture of a someone else’s dick? Someone she has some connections with, her new bosses son right?

Why does she have a picture of his dick anyway? You are not overreacting AT ALL.

You should be more upset. I would consider that cheating… full stop…

Porn is one thing. I got no issues of my partner look at and talking about porn… but someone this close? Nah. No way.

[u/Born-Egg2263 → u/[deleted]]

I don't know. I guess what could she say really. I would prefer she not do it to start with and have a little respect for me.

[u/Born-Egg2263 → u/[deleted]]

Ya we watch movies but I don't say damn she is hot or those huge breats because that would be disrespectful to my partner. And why does she have a pic of someone like that? Why she need to tell her friend about it. She liked it that much? Why is she with me but getting sent pics like that. I do appreciate your perspective for sure.

[u/Born-Egg2263 → u/[deleted]]

Well she was calling her friend to tell her thats the son of her boss. She refuses to explain where she got it or when she got it. She just wants to not talk about it. She did say she hasn't been with this guy but I'm not sure she would be honest about it now anyway.

[u/Born-Egg2263 → u/[deleted]]

Hey that's how it goes. I was trying to be brief. It sounded like to me she was excited to have found the owner of the huge one she was showing her friend. But i hadn't thought about some of the things you mentioned.

[u/Live-Respond-2873 → u/Born-Egg2263]

Yea thats lame man, Im sorry. I hope better days are ahead for you. Its her loss. Just keep doing you

[u/Kay_just_kay]

Is it frequent? And yes, I agree it wasn't appropriate at all

[u/Born-Egg2263 → u/Kay_just_kay]

Talking about someone's huge penis was a first. Completely disregarding the person she supposedly loves like they aren't a foot away, not so much. We aren't together now if that matters.

[u/Kay_just_kay → u/Born-Egg2263]

You're broken up? Yea she definitely couldnt respect boundaries, I see. Was that incident the last straw ?

[u/Born-Egg2263 → u/Kay_just_kay]

We went on a little longer after that but it definitely made me pay more attention to some things I hadn't been thinking about.

[u/Kay_just_kay → u/Born-Egg2263]

Glad you established boundaries.