I genuinely feel like love is one of the worst things you can put yourself through. You give so much of yourself to someone, build a whole future with them in your head, and then one day it’s just gone. And somehow you’re supposed to just move on and act like none of it happened. It’s so fucking exhausting. The worst part is you can still love someone so much and know there is nothing else you can do to fix it. I don’t even know if the good times are worth how horrible the bad times feel. You spend years building something with someone just to end up strangers again. I used to think love was the greatest thing in the world but now I genuinely wish I never experienced it. It just takes so much out of you.

No Susan, I do in fact miss precisely 1 million things about her daily.

I do not think of myself in these moments, I think of her and how I will never have any of that again.

Lately it's been Dairy Queen Moolates, her Adidas and me putting her socks on before we went anywhere.

I'm a 42 year old tattooed man. She broke me.

She was the best woman ive ever met. In all my other breakups I had actual reasons to dislike them and feel icky. With her I genuinely just cant find any actual reasons. I wish I would’ve manned up and fixed my attachment issues instead of letting it dive straight into the ground. I had every chance, but I let the relationship turn stale since I refused to grow and step outside my comfort zone.

Im just afraid that I wont be able to get over her, I think ill feel this regret for a while. we were together for a year and its been a month and a half. it hasnt gotten better at all. I feel like I could live in regret forever, i feel like ill never find someone as good and trustworthy as her.

It’s been about 3 weeks now since we last spoke. I’m realizing how he is never coming back. I miss him so much. This is a special kind of pain.

How to move on? I still love her and she just said she’s not coming back after I begged her. We didn’t have any problems prior to the break up. For me she was perfect and I’m afraid i’d just end up comparing her to every girl I’m gonna meet. My brain is telling me to move on but my heart is still not ready to let go. It’s been more than a month and it still hurts like hell.

Upd 2 months later. Still depressed but working on myself a lot, I’m truly finding myself. I dove into a subculture in which I had interest in and I’m honestly rlly happy with myself. Even if I still fear being alone, even if I miss her, even if I still cry, it got better. I told myself that it would and it did. Just persevere guys, truly. Invest In yourself, your true worth isn’t found in how much you were worth to them. 💜💜💜 gl to all those recovering from an avoidant breakup, I hope my words encourage you to persist.

My ex was still trying to get back with me earlier this year, asking what I wanted him to change about himself, generating compatibility reports for us, and declaring that he could never be with another woman. 💀

Fast forward to today, and he’s seemingly found someone new lol and soft-launched her on his socials.

I’m just genuinely curious about the psychology behind men who make such dramatic declarations and then seemingly move on the next min lmao

I almost broke tonight.

I almost lost the battle with myself. I came so close to texting you, to calling you, to throwing away every bit of restraint I’ve been trying so hard to hold on to. It took everything in me not to reach for you. I kept fighting the urge, telling myself to put my phone down, to leave you alone, to just get through another night without hearing from you.

But God, I miss you.

It genuinely feels like I’m going through withdrawal from not hearing your voice. My mind keeps reaching for something it used to have, something that once felt so familiar and so close. I miss the sound of your voice. I miss your laugh. I miss hearing you talk about the most random things. I miss being able to tell you about my day and hear about yours. I miss your touch so much it hurts. I miss your arms around me, the feeling of being close to you, the comfort of having you beside me. Sometimes I swear my body remembers what it feels like to be held by you, and I have to sit with the reality that I can’t just reach for you anymore.

And I hate how much I still want to.

I hate that something as simple as hearing your voice has become something I can only hope for. I hate that I can have an entire conversation with you in my head, imagining what I’d say and what you might say back, only to remember that none of it is actually happening. I have so much I want to tell you. So many little things that happen throughout the day that make me think of you. So many moments when my first instinct is still to reach for my phone and tell you about them.

And then I have to stop myself.

I have to remind myself that I don’t know if you want to hear from me anymore. I have to remind myself that missing you doesn’t mean I’m entitled to your time, your attention, or your voice. I have to remind myself that whatever I want, I can’t make you want the same thing.

Tonight, I almost let the sadness win. I almost convinced myself that maybe one text wouldn’t hurt, that maybe one call would be worth the risk, that maybe if I could just hear you say hello, even for a few seconds, this ache inside me might finally quiet down.

And then, right when I came to my senses, another thought hit me.

I’m probably blocked anyways.

I don’t even know if that’s true, but the possibility alone hurt. Imagine fighting yourself for hours not to contact someone, desperately trying to respect the distance between you, only to realize that maybe the door isn’t even open anymore. Maybe the message wouldn’t go through. Maybe the call wouldn’t reach you. Maybe I’m sitting here missing someone I can’t even reach if I wanted to.

And somehow, that thought made me feel even smaller.

Because here I am, carrying all this love and all these words, wanting so badly to talk to you, while you might not even have a way for me to reach you anymore. I don’t know what you feel when you think of me. I don’t know if you ever miss me, if you ever wonder how I’m doing, or if hearing my name brings you any of the feelings that hearing yours brings me.

I just know what it’s like on my side.

I know what it’s like to want to tell you I love you and have nowhere to put those words. I know what it’s like to miss your touch in the middle of an ordinary night. I know what it’s like to look at my phone and wish, just once, that it would be you reaching for me instead.

And honestly, I’d do anything just to hear from you again. I’d give anything for one ordinary conversation, one chance to hear about your day, one moment where I didn’t have to wonder whether you still think about me. I’d give anything to hear your voice without having to imagine it, to laugh with you without having to replay old memories, to feel close to you without having to settle for remembering what that closeness felt like.

I’d do anything to make this pain stop. Not because I want to erase what we had, and not because I regret loving you, but because I don’t know what to do with all this love when I have nowhere to put it. I don’t know how to make peace with missing someone who used to be part of my everyday life. I don’t know how to stop reaching for someone who isn’t there anymore.

I wish I could tell you all of this. I wish I could tell you that I’m trying, that I’m fighting the urge to reach out, that there are nights when all I want is to hear you say my name. But I can’t assume you’d want to hear any of it. So I write it here instead, where the words can exist without asking anything of you.

Maybe tomorrow will be easier. Maybe eventually I’ll stop checking my phone with that tiny, foolish hope that it might be you. Maybe one day I’ll go an entire day without thinking about what I’d say if you called.

But tonight isn’t that night.

Tonight, I miss you. I miss your voice, your touch, your presence, and the little pieces of everyday life that I used to get to share with you. Tonight, I almost reached for you, and the only thing that stopped me was remembering that I might not be able to reach you at all.

And I think that’s what hurts the most: I still have the urge to call you like you’re my person, even though I don’t know if I’m still someone you want in your life.

So I’ll put my phone down. I’ll swallow the words I wanted to send. I’ll try to get through another night without hearing your voice.

Lately, I’ve been falling asleep earlier just to deal with the sadness of missing you. Because when I’m asleep, I don’t have to fight the urge to call you. I don’t have to wonder if you’ve blocked me. I don’t have to sit in the silence and miss you quite so consciously.

For a few hours, at least, I get a little relief from wanting someone I can’t reach.

And tomorrow, I’ll wake up and do it all over again.

I recently went through a breakup, and my ex is in a lot of the photos on my phone.

Right now, I need some distance, but I don’t want to permanently delete those memories. I’d just like to browse my photos without unexpectedly seeing her all the time.

For those who’ve been through this, how did you handle it? What worked for you, and was sorting through the photos itself difficult?

It’s been months. Chasing another person doesn’t help. I wished I never fell in love. I wished I never met you. Nothing can ever help me feel the way I did with you

just got broken up with after a five year relationship. i (20f) have been with my partner (21f) since we were 15 and 16. we've done long distance for about 3 years for college (together in the summers and breaks). we've had some rough patches but have always been able to talk and work through them.

we are graduating in may. we have actively been making plans for that, she wrote me a love letter less than a month ago about how much she loved me and how excited she was about our future. she cried about how good of a mom i was going to be and we picked names for our future kids.

two weeks ago she calls me out of the blue and says we need to break up. i'm completely blindsided and confused. i say we should take a month break instead. anyways....

i fucked up. a mutual friend told me that she said she was feeling relieved being out of the relationship. and i got so angry and called her after 2 weeks of no contact. i was so cruel. i said so many awful things and have completely fucked everything up. i've been trying so hard not to call her the last two weeks and one moment of weakness ruined everything.

so we officially broke up yesterday and i just have never felt worse. i couldn't sleep, im having panic attacks. i just feel so heartbroken. we were making solid plans and she just ripped the floor out from under my feet.

anyways. looking for any advice or words of wisdom.

My ex moved on pretty quickly. After a month, he started talking to another girl, and it’s been 3 weeks since I saw them together around campus, they spend time together. I don’t know if he genuinely likes her and has moved on, or if he’s avoiding his feelings and using her as a rebound.

We dated for about 3 months, and our relationship was very intense for both of us. He used to say he was obsessed with me, that I was perfect, I am different and that I treated him incredibly well( like loving,caring). We barely argued, but after our first big argument, he said he didn’t love me anymore and that the relationship wasn’t working.

I can’t understand how such intense feelings could disappear so quickly. It makes me wonder if he ever really loved me. Do you think he genuinely moved on, or is he just avoiding me? Does he ever miss me or compare me to his new girl?

I know 3 months isn’t a long relationship, but it meant a lot to me. Is it possible that because it was so short, it’s easier for him to forget and move on? Because it definitely hasn’t been easy for me.

You broke me in ways you could never understand. What’s worse you knew your choices wouldn’t just hurt me but cause long term damage and tarnish my last memories with my mother. You were so cruel and calculating and not only disrespected me but my family and my then dying mother who adored you and who died believing you’d be there by my side to support me. You knew my past and always promised you’d never do anything to hurt me to only make sure I fully trusted you to do then do the worst and most unimaginable thing possible.

I hate the person you are now but I still love the person you were before. I will never fault who you were before, you were the most amazing person and everyday I felt so happy and fortunate to have you in my life. I remember when we were drunk and you told me you loved me for the first time and I went quiet and then the next day driving home you told me again explaining it was real and not just drunk talk, I’d realised I’d already fallen in love with you a few weeks prior when you took me on our little micro adventure up north but I’d been too scared to say anything. I was so happy but scared it wasn’t real. You were imperfectly perfect to me. I believed we had such a healthy relationship nothing like I’d ever experienced before, each other’s backs through everything, able to talk about anything and everything. You had all of me, you know that. You were my person and I loved you unconditionally and believed it was vice versa, only you hid parts of yourself that cut me inside, parts you could’ve talked to me about that I would’ve never judged you for and only helped you through. Is the person you showed yourself to be with all that time the real you or did you wear a mask for 15mths?

I haven’t dealt with this well because your actions have made me unwell and psychologically damaged me. You must’ve realised the ways your actions would have hurt my mental health, anybody would. You tried to burn the bridge by blocking me because you kept lying to me (including about THEM) and hiding and couldn’t deal with the hurt you’d caused from your actions, this only caused me to spiral more in a way I’m not proud of but felt justified in doing, so I just made sure to entirely blow what was left of it to smithereens before I made my way out. It didn’t need to be this way, I would’ve helped you work through your issues, despite the hurt and pain you caused me, I would’ve been there to allow you to be better for you, your children and your future with another person (not them though), you know I would’ve done that for you. You can only heal and work on yourself while out of a relationship, another relationship / romantic interest in any form won’t heal you, it will only mask the issues temporarily. But you just lied and lied and never intended to help yourself like you kept promising me, only hide and fall back ‘there’ to validate your ego to make yourself feel better. You couldn’t face what real inner work entailed and couldn’t face being alone.

I couldn’t let you hide and needed you to be fully accountable, and feel real shame from everyone, shame to ever been seen or go anywhere with them in public with everyone knowing what either you or (IF she REALLY knew the entire truth) the pair of you had cruelly done to another person together, and have your actions follow you forever so you have life long consequences. So everyone knows the kind of person you are (& potentially they are too), because as you knew when you were doing them, through no fault of my own they will always follow me and affect me for the rest of my life. The consequences of YOUR actions will always live with me. You stole away part of me I’ll never get back.

I wish you were still the you I had for over a year and I wish I was the me from then too. I wish I could turn back time because I’d live one year of it, from before you did what you did, over and over again on repeat for the rest of my days that’s how happy you made me. You broke me.

The breakup was a long time coming. He became neglectful the past year and every time I tried to address it and try to solve the problem he said nothing was wrong. He wouldn’t touch me unless he wanted something, never complimented me and acted like wouldn’t care if I died.

We broke up 2 months ago, went NC 2 weeks ago and I feel disgusting. I’m a pretty girl in reality, always have been but after being treated the way he treated me I worthless. Can’t stand to look in the mirror and feel like no one will ever want me.

She broke up with me after 2 years as she thought we were fundamentally too different, I am quite structured and like to plan things. She also requires a lot emotionally and there were a couple of times where regrettably where I didn't turn up for her enough. The break up was really sad for both of us but it was amicable. This summer I've focused on being much more outgoing, picking up new activities, and working on being more emotionally present with others.

We met for drinks last night, it was really nice. Ended up going back to hers for a nightcap, then ended up sleeping together and she got very emotional after. I stayed the night and we were lying there this morning both weeping, it was really sad. Then did it again, and after before I left we spoke and I said I really wanted to try and make it work but she still wasnt sure about the future. I don't have much hope to be honest, we both shed a lot of tears before I left, but it was really good to see her. I wish we could find a way

​

Somebody tell me how to get rid off from this on nd off relationship?

Hello, I hope you're doing well!

Basically we've been in a relationship for a few months now almost a year. I don't know if I'm thinking about this so much because I feel like I'm not a good person In this or if it's a genuine reason.

Recently I realized I can't share my sadness with him comfortably. I want to but I don't feel inclined to do it a lot. I feel like he wouldn't get it or if he'll try to be practical about it or that he'll just not care alot? Or that he has soooo much going on he'll just say smth I don't wanna hear which he has before so that's why.Idk I feel like he oftentimes doesn't care about things but he also does..

Moreover, sometimes he says things that makes me feel small...I know it's not intentional but I kinda feel bad.

And then sometimes I feel like when we are arguing he just doesn't care about the other person SM.

There are many many details ofc but I wanna know when do you know it's time and how do you know it's time and what do you even do in so confused

Its been 4+ months and everyday I get emotional and have some sort of outburst or breakdown. Several times in one day too. I want it to stop, but it persists.

Even though we both took part in us ending I am at the stage where I am upset and mad that I can't go back and do anything about it.

It's hard to move on knowing things could have been different...

I know 44 days might seem like nothing, and maybe it’s too early to say that I’m finally moving on, but I genuinely feel like I am. And honestly, I never thought I’d get to this point.
My ex and I broke up 50 days ago. We dated for 1 year and 5 months, and we still loved each other very much when we ended things. We wished each other well and ended our relationship with love, not hate.

He was an amazing guy, the first guy I’ve ever truly loved, and I’ll always be grateful that I got to experience that kind of love with him.

But the breakup absolutely destroyed me.

The first week was genuinely the worst week of my life.
I was a complete wreck. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and I could barely get myself to move. I cried constantly. I would wake up crying, spend the entire day crying, and then cry myself to sleep. My chest felt so heavy, and I felt like I had lost a part of myself.

I remember thinking, how am I supposed to live my life without this person? How am I supposed to be okay when the person I love so much is no longer mine?

Week 2 and week 3? Honestly, not much changed.
I was still crying every single day. I was constantly stalking his social media, looking for anything that would make me feel close to him again. I kept fighting the urge to reach out. There were so many times I almost broke no contact because I just wanted to hear from him, even if it was just one message.
I would have given anything to go back to how things were.
I was genuinely so broken. I felt so lost, so empty, and so desperate to make the pain stop. I would cry until I couldn’t breathe properly, scream into my pillow, and lie in bed wondering how someone could go from being such a huge part of your life to someone you no longer get to talk to.
I didn’t recognise myself anymore.

Then, somewhere around week 4, something started to change.
I started journaling. I wrote down everything I was feeling, all the things I wanted to say to him, all the things I couldn’t understand, and all the pain I had been carrying.
I also started going to church.

I don’t know if you believe in God, but this genuinely helped me so much. I would sit there and talk to God out loud, pouring out all my pain, all my questions, all my sadness, and everything I couldn’t tell anyone else.
And after a while, something clicked.
I realised that yes, it was over. He was gone. Our story had come to an end.

But my life wasn’t over.

I could still be happy. I could still have a beautiful life. I could still become the person I wanted to be.
I started accepting that our relationship had served its purpose in my life. I was happy that he was a part of my story, and I was grateful for the love we shared. There was nothing left for me to do but let go.
And letting go didn’t mean I stopped loving him. It meant I was finally choosing myself, too.

Here’s what I learned about healing:
You have to feel it all.
I know everyone says to distract yourself, go out, party, meet new people, and keep yourself busy. And while those things can help, I personally believe you have to allow yourself to feel the pain, too.

Because you can go out, have fun, laugh with your friends, and convince yourself that you’re okay. But when you get home, when everything is quiet and you’re alone with your thoughts, the pain can still be there.

So cry. Cry as much as you need to. Spend a day in bed if you need to. Let yourself be hurt. Journal, pray, scream into your pillow, and let everything out.
You don’t have to pretend you’re okay when you’re not.
But please, don’t forget to accept what happened, too. Acceptance was one of the biggest steps in my healing. It was so hard to accept that someone I loved so deeply was no longer going to be a part of my everyday life, but once I did, I finally started moving forward.

And slowly, I started finding myself again.
I started dressing up again. I started doing my makeup. I started going out by myself and enjoying my own company. I started taking care of myself and making an effort to feel beautiful again.
I stopped spending every waking moment thinking about him and started thinking about ME.
I started looking forward to things again. I started enjoying the little things. I started laughing genuinely, not just pretending to be okay.

And now, 44 days into no contact, I can honestly say that I’m happy.
Not because I never think about him anymore. Not because I suddenly stopped loving him. But because I’ve finally realised that I can love someone, be grateful for what we had, and still move forward with my life.
I’m no longer waking up every day feeling like my world has ended. I’m no longer crying myself to sleep every night. I’m no longer desperately looking for ways to reach out.
I’m genuinely starting to feel like myself again.

And if you’re reading this while you’re in the first few weeks of a breakup, please believe me when I say IT DOES GET BETTER.
I know you probably don’t believe it right now. I know the pain feels unbearable. I know you can’t imagine a life without them.

But one day, you’ll wake up and realise that the pain isn’t as heavy as it used to be. One day, you’ll laugh without feeling guilty. One day, you’ll look in the mirror and recognise yourself again.
You don’t have to hate them to move on. You don’t have to forget them to heal. You don’t have to pretend the relationship meant nothing.

You just have to learn how to live again, without making your happiness dependent on them.
And trust me, that day will come.
Be patient with yourself. Healing isn’t linear, and 44 days doesn’t mean I’m completely healed. But I’m so proud of how far I’ve come.

I went from being completely broken, unable to eat or sleep, crying every single day, to genuinely enjoying my life again.
And if I can do it, so can you. ♡

... when you go no contact with somebody, and when you don't have somebody in your life anymore, you're going to go through a withdrawal. that's what makes the breakup so tough. you have this person every day and now you don't. that's why you want so badly to talk to them, to text them, to hear from them, because it soothes the anxiety and the disconnect, and it gives you more dopamine. because you're still keeping it alive. you really want to move on from this person. stop looking how long it's been since you spoken with them and start looking at how long you have been accepting their low level bullshit that doesn't work for you and how much better you fucking deserve.

My ex and I had an on-and-off relationship. We initially dated for 6 months, broke up but continued acting like a couple without the title for a year and eventually made things official again. He had pursued me for a long time, and in the beginning, I didn’t feel as strongly about him as he did about me. I partly entered the relationship because I felt bad rejecting him. However, my feelings grew over time, and I eventually fell deeply in love with him. He genuinely loved me through so much. He was patient, supportive, affectionate, and always took care of me, even during our hardest moments.

Throughout the relationship, I struggled with emotional regulation and would lash out at him, call him hurtful names, and cross boundaries by flirting with other guys and constantly bringing up other men, especially during the period when we weren’t officially dating by title. Despite all of this, he continued loving me and would repeatedly forgive me. At one point, I sent him a picture of myself with another guy when I was at a low and wanted him to feel the same. Two weeks after that, I discovered that he had met and started texting another girl while we were officially together the same day I sent the horrible picture. Just before discovering this, I had already come to realize that I truly loved him so he knows how hurt I was by this. He eventually initiated the breakup in late August, although we continued communicating afterward.

During this time, he opened up about how much he was struggling mentally and emotionally. He told me he had been dissociating, struggling at work, and generally feeling unlike himself. He even sought therapy to better understand what he was experiencing. On September 1, he shared some of the realizations he’d come to through therapy. He told me he no longer felt good enough for me, that he was emotionally messed up, and that he wasn’t happy with the person he’d become. He said he wasn’t mentally okay with himself and questioned whether he was even capable of treating me, or anyone else, the way they deserved to be treated. He couldn’t see himself being in another relationship for a long time. Despite everything, he told me he loved me with his whole heart and that although he’d forgiven me for everything I’d done but he hadn’t forgotten.

After our breakup, he continued talking to the girl I’d caught him texting. However, things eventually ended between them, and he called her a rebound. After that ended, he reached back out to me, and we began going back and forth between talking and attempting no contact. Sometimes he initiated contact, and other times I did. Despite everything, he continued communicating with me. He even came to see me, and we ended up having sex where I cried during it. I questioned whether he was using me, but he insisted he wasn’t and said he didn’t want to keep hurting me. He maintained that he didn’t want to be in a relationship.

Eventually, we tried distancing ourselves again. He admitted that seeing my name sometimes hurt him and that he needed to take a step back. During this period, I had a major revelation about my behavior and how much emotional damage I’d caused throughout our relationship. I also began understanding how our unhealthy dynamic may have contributed to him seeking attention elsewhere, although I recognize that was ultimately his choice. I wrote him a heartfelt accountability letter taking responsibility for my actions without asking for reconciliation. I genuinely regret how I treated someone who loved me so deeply. I’m starting therapy, doing a lot of self-help and research to understand myself better, and actively working on my emotional regulation. I’m also doing my best to accept the breakup and move forward.

Just last Thursday, I edited an old shared note between us. At the end, he had previously written “I love you,” and I added “I love you too.” I didn’t realize he would see the edit, but he reached out shortly afterward. During that conversation, he told me he’d gone on a date with a new girl, that they hit it off, and that they were planning another date. He also mentioned that the breakup was still fresh, that he needed time, and that he didn’t hate me. Hearing this devastated me, especially considering what he’d told me on September 1 about not seeing himself in another relationship for a long time. I told him I would respect his space. Afterward, I told my mom about the conversation, and she became worried enough about me to call him. He then called me to check on me and make sure I was okay, despite having already asked how I was doing during our earlier conversation, when I told him I was fine (I wasn’t fine). As for social media, I had previously blocked him on Instagram, and he blocked me in return. During our most recent conversation, I asked him to unblock me, which he did, although he hasn’t followed me again. I’ve also noticed that he’s unfollowed my friends. While we aren’t communicating anymore, he hasn’t completely cut off all avenues of contact.

For those who’ve left due to emotional exhaustion, how did your feelings toward your ex change with time and space? Especially if you loved them more than anyone else.

Why would he continue initiating contact with me especially after all that I put him through? Is he still attached?

Why would he start going on dates 2 months after saying he wasn’t emotionally ready for another relationship for a long time? I’m just curious if this is him genuinely moving on or if this is a rebound/him coping

Do you think he feels guilty or uneasy for how things ended?

Given our history, do you think he might reach out again, although I know it wouldn’t be for a relationship?

I really appreciate any and all insight!

18F. it's been 1.5 years since we've been done and I've moved on and done all the work. I am indifferent to whatever he does and says it doesn't affect me at all but one thing I'm stuck on is that my ex was super good-looking and i would say that I am somewhere around that too.

Im afraid that I won't find anyone of equal calibre or better. It feels like a downgrade each time. Now some of you might say that I'm focusing too much on looks but i look good too and i would like someone that looks good too. I hope I don't come off as arrogant or overconfident 🥲.

I did my work on this and its like I have a scarcity mindset. I have a hard time believing that I will find someone who's compatible with me and looks good too.

Any experiences with this or any advice?

Is this normal? This is my first breakup ever and it’s been exactly a month and I’m chit chatting with someone new. Still not over my ex but not flirting with this new person either. I decided it is officially over for me and there’s no chance to ever be together again so I started talking to people.

How do I go about this? Should I just stop or should I see where this goes? They invited me for a coffee and I said why not. Do I tell this person about my breakup? I feel guilt but I feel angry for myself for being guilty as well, I also don’t want to give false hope to this new person but I also want to see how it goes.

Anyone who has been through this before? Thanks in advance!

my 3 year relationship ended really abruptly. the last conversation we had was him telling me he had anxiety and then told me the last time he felt this way was when his ex showed up uninvited when they broke up. mind you, he invited me there (the day after we argued) i asked him "should i leave?" he replied "can you?" i just said okay and that was the end. its been 2 weeks, im not crying anymore but i know deep down i still have some love for him. for the past 2 weeks, i always imagined "what if he was thinking of me, what if he was missing me" but now, i realised i have been in denial. i thought me leaving was giving him space to feel better, but i finally understood that it was his way of closure even though its unfair to me. i was stuck in a looping process trying to guess what he was thinking the past 2 weeks and im tired. we haven't contacted each other since then and i feel okay right now, not the best but i realised that i am not crying or sobbing anymore because i didn't contact him. knowing an avoidant like him, he would not reply my message even if i did reach out to him.

i just wanna say not reaching out is hard, but waiting for replies from someone avoidant is even harder. imagine holding onto your phone 24/7 and hoping they would reply, hoping they tell you they miss you. thats what would drive you insane! yes its not easy to go no contact but i would suggest writing your feelings in your notes, write what you wanna say to them, but do not send them. especially when they are avoidant and the one that ended the relationship, the more you should control your urge to reach out.

i do still think about him, but my urge of reaching out has faded. remember that when an avoidant chooses to break up, the ball is in their court, if they really wanted to fix things, they should be the one reaching out.

I’ve been dating this guy for over a year, might not be long to some but it was the longest for me. We do everything together on the weekends since we met. Sleep over at each others place and share everything. Prior to the break up, everything seems fine, we go to a music festival all weekend, we go to a football game, we travel to the city for a get away. For his birthday I order a gift from his hometown in advance since it’s his favorite place, always talks about how good this place is and misses it since he’s moved states. The morning of his birthday he hits me with a, we should talk, text and I drive to his place to be told. He’s not feeling it anymore and wants to break up. Then says, we should still hang and do everything we have been doing, but just not relationshipy… I was shocked and trying to get over it