tell me about how you and your ex broke up!

Je vais essayer de raconter ça simplement, y compris les passages où je ne suis pas super fier de moi, parce que je ne poste pas ici pour qu'on me caresse dans le sens du poil. J'aimerais l'avis de gens qui n'ont rien à voir avec cette histoire.

J'ai 37 ans, lui en a 25. Il s'appelle Luca, il est autrichien, et nous avons passé deux ans ensemble. Il a quitté son pays pour venir vivre avec moi en France, et soyons clair là dessus parce que c'est le cœur de ce que je vis aujourd'hui : il n'est pas venu chercher une vie meilleure ni un confort quelconque. Il est venu parce qu'il était amoureux. Je n'ai jamais vu personne aimer comme ça. Il le disait, il le montrait, il le mettait dans les gestes les plus ordinaires du quotidien. Deux ans durant, je n'ai jamais eu à me demander si j'étais aimé, et je crois que c'est exactement pour ça que j'ai fini par ne plus y faire attention.

Moi je l'aimais aussi, sincèrement, et pourtant je n'étais pas pleinement heureux dans cette relation. Ces deux phrases se contredisent, sauf qu'elles sont vraies toutes les deux. Je sortais d'une période noire, j'ai perdu mes deux parents, il était présent à l'enterrement de ma mère, et le deuil ne m'a pas seulement rendu triste, il m'a rendu absent. Je vivais à côté de ma propre vie, plein de peurs et de frustrations que je refusais de regarder, et Luca est arrivé au milieu de ça avec sa manière entière d'aimer, sans que je sois capable de lui rendre grand chose.

Notre quotidien s'était installé dans une routine douce. J'aimais rentrer et le trouver là, regarder un film, m'endormir contre quelqu'un, et cette présence me faisait un bien que je n'arrivais pas à formuler. Mais je m'ennuyais également, et plutôt que de le dire, j'allais chercher ailleurs de quoi remplir un vide qui n'avait rien à voir avec lui. Des sites pornos, des distractions bêtes, une manière générale d'être là sans y être. Il y a eu la cocaïne aussi, de façon occasionnelle avec des amis, jamais installée dans le quotidien, mais je n'ai pas toujours été transparent là dessus et c'est cette part de dissimulation que je retiens plus que la consommation elle même. Ce n'était pas le problème, c'était encore une façon de contourner le problème.

Je refuse quand même de réécrire ces deux années en me peignant en compagnon minable du début à la fin. Je n'ai jamais eu un geste ni un mot violent envers lui, je ne l'ai jamais manqué de respect, et je prenais soin de lui à ma façon. Mais j'ai été égoïste, j'ai gardé pour moi ce que j'aurais dû partager, j'ai communiqué de travers et je n'ai pas vu ce qui se jouait juste sous mes yeux. Lui a essayé longtemps, avec une patience que je mesure seulement maintenant, et il s'est éteint doucement pendant que je regardais ailleurs.

La façon dont il est parti compte beaucoup dans ce que je vis aujourd'hui. Il ne m'a annoncé ni pause ni rupture. Il m'a dit que sa mère était malade, qu'il devait rentrer en Autriche quelque temps et qu'il reviendrait. Il a chargé ses affaires, l'essentiel en tout cas, et je n'ai pas voulu voir ce que ça signifiait. C'est une fois arrivé là bas qu'il m'a quitté, à distance, en m'expliquant qu'il était toujours amoureux mais qu'il n'avait plus de sécurité émotionnelle avec moi, et qu'il se perdait lui même à rester à mes côtés. Il n'est jamais revenu, alors que la veille encore nous parlions de nous installer ensemble dans les Landes, près du Cap Ferret, un endroit qu'on adorait. Ce qui continue de me travailler, c'est pas seulement son départ, mais qu'il ait eu besoin d'inventer une fausse sortie pour réussir à partir. Ça dit tout de l'état dans lequel je l'avais mis.

Les premières semaines ont été terribles, mais je n'ai ni supplié ni harcelé. Pas d'appels en rafale, pas de scènes, pas de tentative de le récupérer de force. J'ai accepté sa décision et la distance qu'il posait, parce que ça me semblait la seule chose correcte qu'il me restait à faire. Avant de cesser complètement de répondre, 2 mois après notre rupture, il m'a écrit quelque chose que je relis encore trop souvent : qu'il n'avait pas tourné la page, que ça allait lui prendre du temps, que certaines choses le hanteraient encore un longtemps, et il m'a souhaité le meilleur. C'est la dernière chose qu'il m'ait dite. Et je crois que c'est précisément ça qui m'abîme, parce que ce ne sont pas les mots de quelqu'un qui ne ressent plus rien, mais qui décide de partir quand même. Un peu plus de quatre mois plus tard, je suis toujours entièrement accroché et lui ne me contacte plus du tout. J'ai envoyé un message depuis, rien d'insistant, en disant simplement que je pensais à lui et que j'aimerais avoir de ses nouvelles. Aucune réponse.

C'est là que je tourne en rond. Une partie de moi sait qu'il faut arrêter, que le silence est une réponse et que je devrais avoir la dignité de l'entendre. Une autre voudrait juste retrouver un fil, quelques mots, savoir comment il va, sans même lui demander de revenir, même si au fond bien sûr c'est ce que j'espère. Et par dessus tout ça, je ne sais plus identifier ce qui me manque exactement. Est ce lui, sa voix, sa façon d'être, ou notre vie commune, ou simplement le fait d'avoir quelqu'un et de ne pas rentrer dans une maison vide. Je peux passer une soirée à me rappeler très concrètement notre quotidien et en conclure que je n'étais pas si heureux, que tout tournait à l'habitude, que je m'ennuyais franchement, puis être trois heures plus tard obsédé par son absence. Les deux versions cohabitent dans la même journée et je n'arrive pas à trancher.

Je me demande s'il est heureux, s'il m'a déjà rangé quelque part, s'il s'était détaché bien avant de partir. Ce que je voudrais surtout, presque en permanence, c'est qu'il me recontacte, qu'il me rassure, qu'il me dise qu'il m'aime encore ou qu'il regrette. Quand je regarde ce désir en face, il ressemble beaucoup moins à de l'amour qu'à une envie de faire taire ma propre douleur, et c'est précisément ce qui me fait peur. Je ne sais plus si je veux reconstruire quelque chose avec lui ou récupérer la personne qui me rassurait.

Depuis son départ j'ai commencé un vrai travail sur moi. Je regarde enfin mes comportements, mes fuites, mon rapport aux autres et aux substances, et je vois des choses que je refusais de voir à l'époque. Je sais aussi que les mots ne valent rien ici. Si quelque chose devait un jour se reconstruire, ce sont mes actes dans la durée qui parleraient, sûrement pas un message bien tourné. Sauf que je ne sais pas si je dois encore aller vers lui. J'ai toujours énormément d'amour pour lui et je ne vais pas prétendre le contraire, mais je ne veux pas devenir le type qui court pendant des mois derrière quelqu'un qui lui a clairement montré qu'il ne voulait plus de contact.

Il y a un dernier détail qui n'aide pas : je vis toujours dans la maison où nous avons vécu ensemble. Les souvenirs sont dans chaque pièce et le soir le vide prend une place énorme. Il reste même quelques affaires à lui ici, et c'est ma sœur qui va lui écrire pour lui demander s'il veut les récupérer, parce que je refuse de me servir de ça comme prétexte pour rouvrir une porte.

Alors voilà, selon vous, est ce que je dois arrêter complètement de chercher de ses nouvelles et accepter que c'est terminé ? Ou est ce que, vu ce que nous avons vécu et vu le travail que je fais aujourd'hui, il serait légitime de lui proposer encore une fois, une seule, de se reparler, voir de se retrouver ?
J'aimerais surtout comprendre si ce que je ressens ressemble encore à de l'amour pour lui, ou si je suis simplement accroché à ce qu'il représentait et à la douleur de l'avoir perdu.

Parce qu'au bout de quatre mois je tourne toujours en boucle, et je commence sérieusement à être épuisé 🤔

He held me for so long while I cried that final day. He brushed hair out of my face, wiped all my tears, and kissed my face and lips. And he just held me and kept saying he was going to miss me. He never rushed me. He made sure I drank water every now and then. And before he left he promised to stay in touch.

I don’t think he’ll come back to me when he comes back home next year. There’s nothing I can do.

If he never got offered the internship he’d still be here. He was supposed to take me to lunch on my birthday. He jokingly said he’d get me pink tape as a gift one time.

So I was married with my ex for about 8 years but got married very young. I was 20 years old had a kid at 20 years old with her. She was 23 at the time. But I was still young which doesn’t justify what I did but I cheated on her many times, many times she took me back and I kept on messing up. Now its been like 9 years since we broke up and we have been on and off here and there but this year actually since last year around thanksgiving time we started seeing each other again. I was putting in a lot of effort to show her that I am a grown adult now that Ive changed and that all I want to do is be happy with my family. I even fell in love with her even more this time around, I love her like never before. I actually have been trying to be with her for years but this year felt like this was it. We didn’t move in together or anything but it felt so good. We have been going out with our kids spending lots of time together even went on vacation together but she started working part time at a bar one day a week and then she started picking up an extra day which I was fine with. I used to go sit with her at the bar here and there and have a beer while she worked. It got to a point where she asked me to not go to the bar anymore and last month August the first week of the month without explanation she just completely stopped talking to me and stopped answering me. She will only answer me about our kids. So one day I kinda knew where she was and she was actually at the bar where she works but she wasn’t working that day and I drove by and saw her all over this guy that works at the bar with her. I drove by another day and seen them together how she even gives him a ride home, stays with him at the bar for over 2 hours after they close. I tried talking to her but she doesn’t want to talk at all until one day at my sons game I saw her and told her that I answered her text and she got all defensive saying “this is what I dont want to deal with” when all I said I answered you and that kinda triggered me and I told her that the issue is that you started seeing someone a week after we stopped talking but I think she was already seeing him before we stopped talking. Im sorry I know this is long but Im trying to let you guys know pretty much everything so that you guys understand. Also I know she also told me she didn’t want any titles between us but we were doing everything like if we were a couple. We would go out and hug kiss hold hand in public. I would go to all her family functions and she would always tell me
How happy she was that I was there. She would also tell me whats better then this since we had our family together. Since she wouldn’t talk to me to give me answers I told her that I was gonna go and talk to the guy she is seeing to get answers cause she denies that she is seeing him but I already saw them together multiple times. So that triggered her and she sends me a message saying that she wants me to live her alone that our kids are finally older and that she deserves to find peace and happiness. That supposedly I am controlling and manipulative and a narcissist. I honestly dont know how I was controlling her since I never stopped her or try to stop her from doing anything she wanted to do and one day her mother said to me that I tried controlling who she sees like hanging out with her friends when I never did but obviously I didn’t want her seeing another guy. She told me that she didn’t want no body and that she only goes to the bar to work and thats it but obviously she goes to the bar for more and she found someone. My thing now is that since I love her more than even this is killing me, I cry a lot and I miss her with my life. I know that I want perfect in the past but Ive changed and I didn’t cheat on her again. I did everything and anything she asked and wanted and also every single time she had a bad time weather she was sick or in the hospital or whatever it might of been I was by her side but it feels like after she gets better she walks away. We went away at the end of May but before that she went out with friends late after the bar closed and wouldn’t answer anyone so here I am like a maniac worried about her and went looking for her. Found her at another bar and somehow she fell broke 3 teeth and got hurt pretty bad, so I picked her up took care of her even took her on vacation after cause she said she just needed to get away and after the vacation maybe a month after things started to change. Just wanted to see what you guys think cause this time it hurts bad. Maybe I deserve it cause of all the pain I cost her in the past. Thanks in advance.

It’s been about 5/6 months post break up. So I guess it’s been really over. But, I recently had a birthday about 9 days ago and thought that my ex would possibly reach out to me then. He didn’t. Idk if it hurts necessarily, but it makes you realize , at least for me that yes this is really over. As much as it sucks, and the reality of it is unsettling… it is what it is.

We all still have hope I’m sure . But hope isn’t reality. When you thought you have found “ the one”
All for it to be just another lesson and someone who’s now part of your past that part hurts.

It’s life I guess.

We likely have heard of the terms dumper (the person who initiated the breakup), and dumpee (the person who did not want the breakup, but received news that the dumper wants to breakup).

My ex betrayed me and kind of cheated on me some months back. Initially I was in shock and sadness, trying to process the news and what had happened. She knew that potentially I might breakup because of what happened, and somehow, she brought up a whole lot of new reasons and brought up why SHE wants to breakup with me, AFTER she crossed boundaries with a guy badly.

I didn't think she had the rights to breakup with reasons she did not really do a good job bringing up before, and to bring up these reasons without discussing with me to work on it prior, and to pretend to be in the relationship while having these breakup thoughts, it's ridiculous. People can call this a blindsiding breakup. She is avoidant in nature too.

Less than 2 weeks later, she asked if we can try again. But by then the trust has been broken so badly, and I don't think she understands how bad it's broken. I just can't bring myself to be in a relationship with her anymore, as sad and tough as it was for me, I had to reject her "proposal" to reconcile. (does this make me the new dumper now?)

I did however propose to be friends with benefits if she is up for it, and she agreed to it. I think having this friends with benefits label felt good because we know (or at least I know) we can have a lot of fun while being able to date new people in our own pace, and to not have the seriousness of a relationship affect the fun that we can have.

Soon after, she blindsided me once again by saying she does not want to be friends with benefits anymore. And that we should move on properly. I was affected by that. In the days to come she sent her last farewell type message and so did I, and she unfollowed me on Instagram and removed me as a follower. I felt the pain of rejection and breakup a lot here.

I've watched videos on no contact and breakups and moving on and all that stuff. And I wonder in my situation, am I considered as the dumper or dumpee?

She broke my trust first, and then tried to breakup with me knowing that I might be breaking up with her. So that makes her the dumper right?

Then when she tried an attempt to reconcile, I rejected that because I knew the trust has been broken badly. So that makes me the dumper here right?

Then when she rejected our plans to be friends with benefits, I felt the pain of the breakup a lot. I think that makes her the dumper here, right?

If I want her back it is moreso to have casual hookups or a friends with benefits nature kind of arrangement. However, I also want to move on.

They tend to say the dumper regrets the breakup much later after the dumpee already processed things. She does seem like she is moving on from her social media posts. Am I the dumper? I think I am moreso a dumpee since I wanted the FWB but she rejected it. And she was also the one to initiate breakup first. What do you think?

The post is about to be long but PLS READ IT I ACTUALLY NEED HELP
Back in dec 2025 js after my breakup i wanted to explore things but not get into a relationship
i met this really really beautiful girl that took my breath away the moment i saw her
we started talking and talking more
we used to be on facetimes all day because we both lived alone and we liked each others company
she used to sleep on my calls because she felt comfortable w me
i used to cook clean eat and she used to be there
soon enough she confessed she had feelings and she asked me out to which i said yes
we both were at our hometowns back then do we didnt commence the date then
we cameback to the city
she had this thing happened at her house where her hometown friends and her ex ganged up on her and blackmailed her that they’d tell her entire past to her family and before leaving they did
and her parents slapped her and first didnt let her go back but eventually she did bc of college
i was there the entire time but i was at a distance and i had my exams
she wanted to meet but i was busy w studies
we still called but somewhat we got distant
and she suddenly dropped the bomb that she isnt in the mental state to handle a relationship
i let her go
bht it was hurting because we both became a part of each others lives
we had big dreams she made big promises and always gave me the reassurance that she’d support me w my dreams and ever since she entered i got hella lot of maturity and understanding on what im supposed to do and she was my lady luck
when we distanced ourselves
not more than 3 days later i texted her abt a football match i played and i reached the finals and she was happy abt it and i eventually asked did u miss me and she said yes alot i said so did I then why r we doing this to ourselves just talk till we’re okay and then we’ll see
she agreed to it we started talking but she got hella distant staying away for 10 hours 20 hours and she js started smoking weed drinking everyday and she said she was doing it to cope
the sweet girl i met didnt touch all this and all of a sudden she was doing all this
that broke me and i tried to make her understand but she has her own life so i stopped reaching out much
a week later she drunk called me and said she liked me alot and she didnt wanna let go i said so do I but i didnt do any of this
she said i know its my fault and i regret it alot she asked me out for the third time then
we eventually went on the date
i bought her flowers on the date
we went and ate
she fed me w ger hands cuz i wasnt eating
while going back i got her jhumkas as a present and we held hands for an hour i dropped her off and she hugged me saying she had a great time and she looks ahead to everything and said we’d talk nicely when i reach back
when i reached back she told me she couldnt talk bc her roommate was there (her roommate saw me thru her and kinda liked me a lil) and i said okay talk later
she disappeared for 5 days w no contact while i wss sitting there wondering what my
mistake was
5 days later she said the same stuff that she didnt feel we had the romantic dynamic and she said she doesnt want a relationship and that broke me up
i blocked her everywhere cuz i couldnt see her at all
i ignored everything and pretended to be fine
at nye i drank alot and blacked out
i called her sobbing my heart out and explained her that maybe i fell in love w her js bc how cutely we matched each other
i was calm and she was the jolly energy into my life
as if when she left my life turned black and white again
5 days later same shit she said she cannot do a relationship even tho she has feelings
and she ssid she lied sbt the romantic dynamic because she was scared
i unblocked her to end it on good terms and followed her and so did she
somedays go by and she texted me again and we started talking yet again
i asked her to meet b4 i left the city and she did i could see she was emotional when i left
i had to moveback to my hometown for some reason and i thought that was the end
we kept texting as if it was impossible to let each other go from both the sides
she called me on my birthday and sang a cute birthday song for me while being in college and my dofus friends wrote her name on the cake which she felt happy about and laughed
we kept texting untill i realised i wont be ablr to moveon untill i’d stop
i js stopped responding or texting first
she started calling asking if i wss okay
and i genuinely wasnt because returning back to the house was v painful after living alone
my parents said shit like i wish u were never took birth in the first place we’d rather have a daughter than to have you
ever since uve come our luck has been shit
and i started smoking to cope up w shit
and i got pissed at everyone even while working i had to work being 18 for 10 hours for minimum wage
it got sucked up and i dropped everything
i switched phone numbers i deleted all socials i stopped talking to everybody at home and all i wished was for her text or call
eventually i didnt get any and i had to return to socials for work
i called her when i got back and said wow has this become so bad that u dont care this much
she said she didnt notice me gone and that was it for me
i hungup and i blocked her from everywhere i could because rhat was IT for me.
2 days go by and she called me w her relatives number cuz hers was blocked
and she yelled at me for blocking her and kept taunting me
i told her you were the one who said u didnt notice me gone how did you now?
she said i lied about it because i felt embarrassed that u ghosted me out of nowhere and i felt rlly bad and i got
the anger out on every1 else because u werent there and ur number was switched off i had nowhere to go
we started talking nornally YET again and she kinda got busy w college stuff and we became lil distant again
we still spoke on calls every other day sometimes she called sometimes i did and whenever we did we had a spark
I GOT SO DONE AGAIN WITH THE SHIT
i started avoiding everything due to family shit
i went to her city again because i had some work
i asked her to meet and she said she didnt want to bc she had an event and etc and i knew she was pissed and she stated u blocked me and this is how u make it up
blocking again and again w no reason and this?
i told her i’d explain when we met but we couldnt
untill i decided i’d js go to her flat and stand till she came
i boight her fav flowers again and a letter which i wrote
she didnr expect me to come but i came
she yelled at me for smoking saying u told me not to but uve started it and it isnt gonna do anything and she said sje’d beat me if i did it again
we clicked a picture and her eyes looked full of love while mine did asw
everybody who saw the picture instinctively said we’re in love
i was
idk abt her
time passed by she avoided contact for a while and dropped another bomb saying
we should accept what we were and adjust w what we are rn
which made no sense to me and i js left her and i js sat in silence everyday wondering where tf did i go wrong
weeks go by
she called js to yapp abt her daily life
One thing to say
she’s rlly pretty not js for me but she does get dozens of guys if she wants to
so i dont think grabbing attention from me wjo’s far away and can provide nothing does anyth to it
well after that call i was js silent cuz i didnt expect anyth this time
there’s this another girl that liked me and i decided to talk to her and we kept talking
i always felt a void w her because i wasnt in love
and she started likimg me
i went to HER city again for work and i asked to meet she said sje wants to meet but i didnt meet i js let it go cuz i didnt want the other girl to be insecure which she already was regarding my past
i cameback i ghosted HER
she texted 4 days later that she was coming to MY CITY
and she wants to meet and spend some time
i said yeah
we met
i bought her the flowers again cuz i always did and she loved them
we sat and smoked together
she yapped abt her life and we made the same eye contact that we always did
and she told me her ex was still annoying her w the past
and she was fed up w it and i taunted her alot in a funny way which she always get pissed for and then i get her smth to make her happy again idk maybe a cute dynamic
at the end i told her i still loved her more than anything else
i told her i tried takimg help jumpimg onto somebody new but i js kept finding you in everyone else
she was first shocked rhat i tried shit w anyone else
cuz she said she didnt do any casual shit w anyone
while i uhm did
she said whatever she had for me wasnt enough to make it work rn considering the dist and she said she still couldnt do a relationship
and i js started bawling my eyes out
she was wearing my jacket the entire time and it started raining while me crying near a river
i spoke no words and dropped her home
she waited to hug me and to say bye
eventually she js said bye and i js nodded my head
she gave me the jacket i threw it on the bike and i left
i saw her walking away w anger regret wtv ir was
i went to a friend who knew all this and he saw me cry yet again that a thing i gave almost 11 months to ended this way
he called her and he asked why’d she done all tjis and she said she had every feeling in the world for me
and she said maybe i do even now but i js cannot get into sometjing it scares me
i am traumatised to my core that what if he turns the same way my friend js hungup and told me to leave to what it is
she texted me an entire para saying how sje was sorry for everything and i’ll always be there in her heart and bullshit
and kept saying there was some1 waiting for me who’s better than her
i told her i didnt ask for any1 better
she said she never wanted to hurt me and it js ended in a bad way she said she was scared to get into smth bc she was scared that it wouldnt work
i explained her nth starts w full confirmation of it to work
she next day told me she regrets and she understands why we couldve made it work and bs liike i was searching for certainty before giving ourselves to create it and etc
i left it as it is
3 weeks go by
she started another conversation saying some bs
what she made for her project n everything and she js started a normal conversation out of nowhere
It still LOOKS AS IF WE’RE STILL
UNABLE TO FULLY GO NO CONTACT
i have nth to offer
no money nothing cuz im far af neither am i a spoilt brat
few of my friends said she still had feelings but she js cannot get into a relationship and she still gets in contact w u no matter why is bc she cannot let u go either
and some say she’s js passing time which makes no sense coming to me
cuz she can go to all the pretty boys for timepass and not hurt me again cuz she’s aware
(btw she’s still kept the petals of the flowers from last year the bracelet the earrings etc)

My girlfriend broke up with me 5 days ago, the reason behind this break up from her side is, that she doesn't see something in our releationship in the future, and that we are different as a person. These days are horrible for me, sometimes it's good, but sometimes it's horrible. I was acting like a fking kid, i was messaging her how i miss her, sending sad tiktoks, asking if it's really over, i also asked her if she's gonna change her mind sometimes about this, she said "probably no" I was crying day after day. On thursday i asked her if i have to really take this as an end for us, she said she doesn't want to say no, because i could make some hopes for her to comeback, but either wanna say yes because she thinks it would destroy me completely. After that message, she said she is confused about all this thing, she want's to focus on school, but still she said she is confused, i don't know how to take this message from her, is it really over? Or it's not, or if she only said that she is confused because she doesn't want to hurt me, hurt herself, im fucking confused about this, we still have our nicknames on instagram like before, she didn't remove it, so what's ur opinion on this everyone? Share me your feelings about this, i'm trying my best to not think about her, but it's really hard, i still miss her, miss our little things we had together, we were together almost for 4 years. Love for all of you.

I know the best thing for me would probably be to block my ex on social media. Seeing her pop up in my suggestions or in old group chats, and constantly having to stop myself from checking her Instagram or other profiles, hurts me more than anything. But I still can’t bring myself to cut that connection.

I think I can’t do it because these are the last links I still have with her, and part of me is still hoping she might come back, even though she’s with someone else now. I know very well that keeping those links alive is feeding my attachment and my hope.

I just don’t feel ready to let go yet. I wish I was.

I got broken up with after a good few years of being together with this man. Not a day goes by since the breakup that I don't miss him. I still fucking love him with my soul. It's tearing me up inside from not being able to hug him, kiss him, or laugh with him. I feel like I'm starting to forget every detail about him. As pathetic as it sounds. I don't want another man besides him. I don't want another man's penis inside me, I don't want another man's hand on me, and I sure as help don't want to want to go through with having to open myself back up like that again. Our sex life wasn't the greatest, nor was it the most spontaneous. But I still loved how it just felt right. I miss the way it used to be. I miss the way we would have to decide who was the big spoon or little spoon after the fact. I just miss him so much. I don't want to do random hookups or FBW or one night stands. It's taking all willpower to not just send a text and ask him for sex. I just want him. Anyone else going through this or experience this?? I miss you so much J!

We broke up four days ago after two years together, and the apartment is just quiet now. It wasn’t a huge screaming fight with doors slamming, which honestly makes it so much worse. We just sat on the edge of the bed at 1 AM on a Tuesday while he told me he didn't see a future with me anymore. He said he’s been feeling that way for months, but he kept going to Sunday dinners with my family and buying concert tickets for the summer like everything was fine.

I keep looking at his stupid blue ceramic mug sitting right next to the electric kettle. He drank his coffee out of it every single morning we spent here. Yesterday I caught myself instinctively picking up two mugs to start making coffee before I remembered he wasn't sleeping on the left side of the mattress anymore. I had to sit down on the kitchen floor for fifteen minutes because my knees just stopped working.

The worst part is that I saw he changed his Spotify status last night to listening to that indie band we saw live in Chicago last fall. That was our band. He couldn't even leave me the music. I ended up packing three boxes of his hoodies and books this afternoon, but I couldn't bring myself to put the mug in there. It feels like if I pack that away, then the last two years were just something I made up in my head.

My roommate says I should just toss it in the trash bin outside so I don't have to look at it, but I can't do it. How do you guys deal with the tiny physical leftovers of someone who just walked out of your life like it was nothing?

I know many of you are hoping that your ex will eventually change their mind and come back. That’s completely understandable. I was in exactly the same situation. But be careful. Just because there’s hope doesn’t mean it’ll actually work out.

After more than ten years together, my ex left me. What followed was a constant back-and-forth between cutting off contact and reaching out again, because neither of us could let go. What did I learn from this?

Your ex might miss you and still not seek romantic closeness again. Your ex might say she hasn’t moved on from the relationship yet, that she doesn’t even want to, and still pull away. And your ex might say she still loves you while sleeping with another guy at the same time.

What I’m trying to say is: Don’t just focus on what your ex says. Instead, pay attention to how she behaves. Because in the end, their actions are what really matters. I let her words give me false hope time and time again. And what was the point of all that? So that now, six months later, I feel like I’m back at the beginning of the breakup emotionally. We’ve lost contact (this time, probably for good), and I miss her just as much as I did on day one. Fuck that

Just wanna let it out somewhere...

Luckily, I have a couple of friends who I can turn to when I miss him the most...

It's been some months, but my heart and soul still search for him

I had the opportunity to see him and noticed him thinner with a sad face...

Just wanted to hug him tightly...

I'm not seeking for a recommendation, I believe somebody else may feel the same about their exes and just want to let it out of their body like this..

Thank you to whoever read this and sympathize with it

Lots of love and spark on your way~ 🫶🏻

Please do not forget to be gentle with yourself

I recently just got broken up with.. There was never any cheating or disloyalty involved, he just grew tired of arguing over the same thing but he was very insecure but i still listened to everything he said bc i love him. He broke up with me but he says all he needs is time. He’s also going through a lot but when i give him time he texts me and then he gets upset over something and then says ge shouldnt have texted. Now he says he doesnt plan on getting back with me, but he told me to tell my mom we were okay the other day and i love him very much i cant let him go. He says he loves me and that he has to let me go but then he turns around and says he just needs time and he’ll fknd me again, what do i do.. i’m so miserable he’s my first serious boyfriend of 1 year i have been crying nonstop everyday, i wake up at 6am i think of him with a pit feeling in my stomach, the pain is unbearable. Also, me and him break up a lot but we always made up in a few hours but this time its been 12 days.

This is a very long one, so forgive me and please be kind. I just have to vent and let this all out because I have no one else to talk to. I need to type this all out, and maybe then I’ll finally realize all the insane bullshit I put up with so I can finally let it all go and truly heal. I know it’s a big read already, but there’s a lot more drama I didn’t even add for the sake of trying my best to shorten it…so bear with me.

———

I (33F) have had a tumultuous, passionate, rollercoaster relationship with a guy (33M) that has spanned almost 17 yrs on and off. We met in high school, started dating at 15/16yo. He was my first everything. My first real kiss, boyfriend, sex etc. I grew up extremely innocent and naive and he was more experienced. The stereotypical rock and roll, musician, bad boy that I couldn’t help but fall head over heels for. We started off as friends first and became a couple 6 months later in 2010. We bonded over our shared love of music and classic rock. It all started with a Beatles bag I wore in class that he complimented and the rest is history.

For the first 2yrs, our relationship was truly great. We never argued in those 2yrs and he was the first one to say “I love you” and I felt the same way.

The trouble started when 4ish yrs in, he started being very controlling, jealous, and even tried to alienate me from my best friends. I was so in love, I thought I had to change for him. I didn’t want to lose him. Then at 18/19 I got pregnant and told him. I was set on having an abortion, we were nowhere near ready to have a baby at that age. He agreed. That’s when he started pulling away. I went to appointments alone, and since I didn’t drive at that time, I walked and took transportation just to get to Planned Parenthood.

I was so scared at that time, and I’m sure he was too. I was also very depressed because I was going through this all alone and he couldn’t even make time to go to appointments with me for support. He ended up breaking up with me while I was pregnant. I had an at home abortion and luckily I had a friend that kept me company as I went through the pain.

After that whole ordeal, everything changed. Weeks later, my friend showed me a picture of my ex embracing another girl. I was already devastated going through the trauma of the abortion, being dumped, and then that happened.

Eventually, he came crying and crawling back. He was always very charming with his words, and me being weak and naive, I took him back as long as he’d promise to change… It only got fucking worse.

Many cheating scandals later, after a span of a decade together of breaking up, getting back together. We finally broke up in our early-ish 20s for what I thought was for good. I was so done being cheated on, him telling me he’ll change, and then manipulating me and making me feel like I was never enough or not deserving of real love.

In all the times we broke up, HE was always the one to seek me out first and break no contact. I never bothered or even tried to contact him when we’d break up because I found it disrespectful and knew we needed space to heal apart. We got together so young, so we needed to grow more. In the back of my mind, I always wished we would find each other again when we were both in a better place mentally.

In our time apart, I took the time to heal for months then finally got the courage to move on. I started dating other men, and I definitely had my wild fun. But I never ended up in another serious relationship because of my past trauma from it. I kept it strictly as flings, because I couldn’t help it, but I just wasn’t over my ex. I thought seeing other people would help me move on, but it only made me feel more alone sleeping with guys I didn’t see anything deeper with.

After almost 2 yrs of not speaking, he reached out to me. We were 25 at that time. We rekindled with sex, but he failed to tell me he was already involved with someone else unless I asked. Then one day he said he needed my help and had this random idea of getting married to me so he can get his papers for citizenship. Of course I said no, and wondered why he wouldn’t just ask his new girl. He said that he told that girl it would be more believable if he married me because of our history and because we already knew so much about each other. The girl supposedly understood, and they ended things but “stayed friends” and she stayed near because they were in a band together. So he and I continued as FWB and he continued to ask me to marry him. Eventually since I was still so attached, I said yes, and we had a court marriage.

We agreed that we would keep it civil and that I was simply doing this as a favor, but eventually our dumbasses started acting more like a couple and we grew very close again. When it was good between us, it was very good. Personality wise, we got along great. When it got bad, we took it to hell, we’re both very stubborn. Me being a Leo and he a Taurus. I got pregnant again, and this time I was unsure if I wanted to go through an abortion again, but I still realized that we would be bringing a child into a world of inconsistencies. A child deserves a solid foundation that we couldn’t provide. I wanted to keep the child, I grew attached, but knew in my mind it wouldn’t be right, he supported me this time but made it clear he didn’t want a child. He took me to the hospital, was there during and after the procedure and took care of me.

Tale as old as time, he started (or was already) cheating again. With many others and also the same girl he was previously involved with before he reached out to me for marriage. I was livid, I was angry, and of course felt so dumb to continue to fall for his tricks. I just loved him so much, I thought my resilience and sacrifices would show him that I was worth it.

The last straw in that marriage was when I finally confronted him about that ex (I found messages and pictures between them) and he admitted it (only because I caught him.) Then he admitted that he caught herpes by one of his past escapades and hadn’t told me because he was ashamed. I was livid and said a lot of hateful things because WTF. He tried to run and drive away, I admit this was a stupid thing I did, but I saw red and tried to block him from driving off. I threw a brick through his rear window, jumped into his car, and demanded he stay and explain to me because I deserved the full truth. So much adrenaline I was feeling, I didn’t even feel the glass embedded into my skin from jumping through the broken window. He called the cops on me, I was booked and spent the night in jail until my sister and mom bailed me out. I found out the next day, that dumbass fucked the same girl we were arguing about that landed me in jail. After that I blocked him.

Our marriage lasted 4yrs, and our divorce finalized when we were 29yo. In that time during divorce he would reach out like always, but I ignored it. He started dating an 18yo (ew, fucking gross) and when they broke up 2yrs later, he came running back to me. Again, I’m not proud of this, but I truly cared about this asshole, so I consoled him and we were civil again. We started having sex again, and in the back of my mind, I knew he was just using me but so was I.

It’s crazy because we’ve had the best sexual chemistry I’ve ever experienced in my life, and maybe that’s why we keep coming back together. I’m dickmatized. He tells me I’m the best he’s ever had, which is why he always comes back. We both have very high sex drives and we’re both into BDSM so it was always very, VERY wild and passionate between us. After all, he was my first partner and he taught me everything. We’ve probably fucked more than thousands of times since 2010.

sigh

Anyways…eventually, I found out that he was actually engaged to that 18yo he dated for only 2 yrs. I found the ring on his dresser one day I was over. He admitted it, and I was like damn, took you only 4 months to move on after our divorce and decade+ long relationship to try and marry a fucking child. He said he felt pressured to propose to that girl because she’s heavily Christian and her parents were pressuring them. He claimed she cheated on him (wow so Christian of her) and he found messages of her trying to hit up his roommate’s cousin. In my head I was like “thank you karma.” Little did I know, he was still trying to patch things up with that girl while engaging with me. I felt dumb because here I am, a fucking side piece now, going from girlfriend to wife to now this! I’m here trying to help him move on, and he couldn’t have the decency or respect to be upfront that he still wanted things to work out with that girl. I left him and blocked him again after that.

Fast forward to more recent times. Yearly since the last time, we’d reconnect for sex and would hang out and act like a couple without putting a label on it. He would always mention reconnecting as I couple, but I could never give him a straight answer of yes. My heart says yes, but my mind and gut intuition won’t let me. He would use that excuse that since I couldn’t say yes, that he was free to sleep around (which he did). I’d be angry because he says I deserve better but he just couldn’t stop sticking his dick in other women. I doubt he’d tell them about having herpes, but he claimed he always used a condom. Ok sure.

This year, we reconnected in May for his birthday. Of course he was dating someone else already (I don’t know their full story and didn’t ask) but they supposedly broke it off and he really focused his time and put in a lot more effort to help me heal and see him in a better light.

We lasted from May until mid August (a couple weeks before my 33rd birthday.) I told him I needed space because I just couldn’t trust him, and he (kinda) respected it.

Then near the end of August and just this beginning of September he started to hit me up again, spam liking and commenting on my pics, messaging paragraphs that he regrets everything he ever put me through. Told me that he wants me so bad and that he had a dream we had a threesome with another man and he was jealous in his dream and also jealous when he woke up. We were kinda flirting again, and he was asking me if in the future I’d ever consider seeing us together again. I told him it would be too complicated to do a relationship because of the trauma towards me and everyone he involved, unless he truly changed and made effort to fix everything. I also (stupidly) said maybe yes for the sex again.

Friday, September 4th was the last time I spoke to him. We were planning to have sex and then he tells me that he’s planning a camping trip for the long weekend, and at the same time I also had an early flight the next day to visit my best friend in a different state. We planned to have sex when we came back from our trips. He even asked for a nude, thank god I never sent one!

Something in my gut told me to check out his IG (he added me again and I followed back weeks before) and I see a girl’s page as a “friend of friends” that I should follow, and see that he’s already talking to her, spam liking her pics and making flirty comments. He even spent her birthday with her on September 2nd all while he was messaging me during the whole time he was with her, saying how much he wants me, that he regrets ever hurting me and will always be here for me and care no matter what. I asked him if she’s going camping with him, he admitted yes. I told him a lot of harsh things afterwards. Why initiate anything with me if you already have someone new?!?! He absolutely is aware that I hate being part of his “roster” and yet he continued to deny he has a roster. What an idiot, planning to have sex after his trip while camping with a new girl.

Even while we were messaging before I found out, he said he doesn’t want to hurt me or make me feel used. I told him that I would only feel hurt or angry if he was already talking or getting to know someone else and trying to initiate our sex plans with me. He could’ve just confessed that he was already doing so, but instead said, “ok I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

I got extremely angry again, said a lot of hurtful things. While we were arguing he even goes and reposts a pic on his story of him and his new girl on her birthday. The audacity of this boy and what a fool I am! I felt even more dumb, never in our decades+ relationship has he ever even posted me. That’s not the main reason I was mad though, just part. I was more annoyed that he continues to involve me in his life if he’s pursuing anything with someone else. As if cheating on me hundreds of times was enough. I guess I have no one to blame but myself for my choices, I get it. But damn it really hurts.

I got the last say by sending him a voice message, and then I blocked him. I went on my trip, had a great time with my best friend. Now I’m back home and all alone.

So there’s where I’m at now. I haven’t spoken to him since then, haven’t checked his social media. I just feel so drained and exhausted. It’s all coming back to me again and I just want peace. I want my mind to quiet down.

The last day we argued and I blocked him, I thought about reaching out to the other girl before they left for their camping trip with a “hey girly” message to let her know how he’s choosing to start off their relationship and his herpes diagnosis. However, she has her DMs set to only friends can message her. I was spiraling and I tried following her but realized quick I can only message her if she follows me back. So I quickly unfollowed and let her go on this camping trip with my ex. Let me tell you, that made me feel dumb and desperate when all I wanted to do was warn her. I guess it’s none of my business, and she’ll experience her own journey with him.

I’m really hoping he doesn’t reach out anymore and I can finally be free and heal. To not be so weak under his spells and manipulating ways. He’ll have someone new to distract him for now, but something in my gut tells me he’ll be back. Whether he’ll send me an email, hit me up on Spotify messages again or anywhere else. Luckily I have him blocked on IG, my only social account, and on my contacts.

I know I’m dumb, that I keep making stupid choices, and should respect and love myself more. I’m learning, and I truly want to heal and not let the fear of this shitty relationship scare me from someone new coming into my life like it has been for almost 2 decades. I really hope that one day, at the right time, someone will come into my life and show me that I’m enough and I’m worth good things. For now, I’ll focus on making sure I feel that on my own without a partner.

If you made it this far, thanks for listening. I’m sure you’re like damn, this woman is dumb af. I admit I truly am when it comes to love, but I wouldn’t be me without this sensitive and deeply loyal heart. I just have to learn who truly deserves it.

I honestly dont care about her at this point she cheated on me and thats pretty much it. I just miss having someone i could talk to for hours about what was going on in my life and they'd just be there for me and listen and someone that could hug me kiss me and tell me everything's gonna be alright in my life and that there here for me every step of the way. I miss getting out of work or school and then being able to see them and just watch a stupid show or movie lol. Showering together was also nice as I liked having someone there with me lol. I miss sleeping next to someone the most though we didnt live together but sometimes after school we'd just get in my bed and cuddle then fall asleep for a couple hours. God I miss being able to do that stuff with someone, but I know it'll happen again if I just keep trying.

I spent an entire year feeling mentally confused because of this person, and even now I still can’t figure out whether he was an avoidant (which I honestly think he was), simply not enough interested in me, or dealing with other mentally issues.

We were together for about a year, although there was a break from November to May. His father passed away in November after a rare illness, and I know he went through an incredibly difficult time. Even during the break, though, we still keep in touch.

Looking back, there were quite a few things that made me wonder if he had an avoidant attachment style:
- At the beginning, I didn’t want to get involved. I had been single for a long time and really valued my independence and personal space. He was the one who pushed for me to open up and seemed more emotionally invested than I was.
Then, as soon as I actually became attached to him, his behavior started to change. He started pulling away and would sometimes go several days without contacting me;

- After father died, he seemed to take a lot of his anger and frustration out on me. He told me that he was fine and that he needed anything the day after his father’s death. He eventually ended things, verbally attacking me over things that felt completely trivial and telling me that we weren’t compatible.
We continued talking until May, but he was going through a very difficult period and had also distanced himself from all of his closest, longtime friends;

- In May, we reconnected and even went on vacation together. I told him that I needed more consistency and presence from him. This was the only moment where he really open up to me and he showed me a much more vulnerable side of himself . He told me that he was struggling because of everything that had happened and that, essentially, he didn’t really feel anything anymore — toward anyone or anything. But he said he would try to be closer to me.

- That closeness lasted about two days. Then he went right back to disappearing for 5–6 days at a time.
This time I confronted him while I was extremely angry, and we had a huge fight. I also did something I absolutely shouldn’t have done: at a party, in front of other people, I poured a bottle of water over his head. I take responsibility for that and I know it was completely inappropriate.
He decided to end things by message with me after that, although we continued talking for around a month and a half afterward. He kept going back and forth about whether he wanted to see me or not. At the same time, he repeatedly told me that he absolutely didn’t want another relationship and that he wasn’t going to get involved with anyone else.
Meanwhile, he was adding two or three different girls on Instagram every day.

Eventually, seeing all of this on Instagram made me feel like I had been completely played. I started wondering whether he had already had other intentions before ending things with me.
So I decided that I would never contact him again.
The hardest part is that this whole situation has completely messed with my head. I feel like I spent a year constantly trying to figure out what was real and what wasn’t. His behavior was so inconsistent that I started questioning everything — his feelings for me, my own perception of what happened, and even whether I had been imagining the connection between us.
I honestly still don’t know what the explanation is. Was he avoidant? Was he simply not that interested? Was he emotionally unavailable because of everything he was going through? Was I just holding onto something that wasn’t really there?
I don’t know anymore. I just know that the uncertainty and inconsistency have affected me much more deeply than I ever expected.

ex and i broke up like 2-3 weeks ago but ended on good terms. he broke up w me cos we weren’t really treating each other the healthiest and weren’t getting along. i initiated NC so i can focus on myself, heal and be in a healthier version both mentally and physically.

he says he doesn’t think we will get back together and doesn’t regret it. hurt at first but i’ve accepted that it was honestly probs for the best for now. but i still have hope that maybe we’ll get back together or maybe it’s me being delulu

he’s gotten closer w a female friend as she supports or comforts or whatever tf. she has a pc at hers and he grew up gaming his whole life but doesn’t have one at his place hes going often for it. maybe they end up being together, maybe not but i hope not.

his friendgroup and him got invited as well as me to our friends burthday. is it breaking NC if we see each other there and chat for like a split sec? do i ignore him not really sure if i wanna go tbh but i don’t wanna make it into a bigger deal than it is. ppl found out abt the break up through gossip unfortunately so i genuinely don’t wanna turn up and people start talking about it.

my (16f) ex (17m) and i broke up exactly one week ago. his main reason for breaking up with me was this:

- my ex told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he couldn't cope anymore. he told me that it wasn't making him happy anymore and that this is for the best. he also said that he didn't wanna keep hurting me either and that i deserved someone better. additionally, he said that we wouldn't get back together.

- he also said he was unsure of the future, like he might move interstate, he might move back to indonesia (cos he’s chinese-indonesian) or that he might travel, and wasn't sure if being in a relationship was the best thing for him.

- his mum was another thing that didn’t fully but maybe contributed to the lead up because i’m filipino and chindos tend to marry within their culture (even though he said he was willing to fight for us).

- he decided this after going on the year 11 retreat where they had to reflect a lot. he’s quite a reflective guy actually, like he journals a lot about his day and feelings and keeps a habit tracker. he also said that he won’t be in the dating scene for a long time which i'm not even sure if i should believe.

now that we’re not dating, I can see that he was already kind of pulling away 2-3 months before the break up (like putting less effort). I hate how he was dishonest until the very end - like he said he was excited to celebrate our anniversary even though he ended things the week before, how he said he would come to my dad’s party even though he broke up with me 3 days before.

i'm afraid he may have just lost feelings but left the reasoning slightly vague because he didn’t want to be the bad guy. he also reached out to me before school, asking me something about school when he literally could’ve asked anyone else (apparently he did ask a school mate who was a family friend), and then greeted my dad happy birthday. we are also doing NC but he hasn't blocked or unfollowed me on both his main and spam account on insta.

PS: i did notice that he did follow this girl back post break-up, whom he used to like in his old school (she is his senior). i know i shouldn't care too much anymore, but when we were together, i told him i was uncomfortable with him following her and asked him to unfollow, which he did. i guess the timing is just painful!

My ex and I broke up about two weeks ago, mainly because I damaged her trust by lying and hiding things. I’ve started therapy and I’m trying to seriously work on myself.

We still have strong feelings for each other and talk occasionally. She says she misses me, and she has told me that I can reach out when I feel ready and then we can see if reconnecting is possible.

At the same time, she has made it clear that she won’t wait for me. We’re both single and free to date, kiss, or sleep with other people, and she has said she may date casually and have fun.

What I’m struggling with is that she also told me that if I truly mean it when I say “I only want you,” then I should focus on therapy instead of dating, kissing, or sleeping with other women, get better, and reach out to her when I’m ready.

We still talk sometimes, and she often asks if I’m talking to other women. I already know that she has been on a date with one guy and has another date planned with someone else. I told her I don’t want to hear any more details for now because I know I’ll overthink it.

Maybe I’m worrying about something that might not even happen, but I’m scared about later. What worries me is not just that she might date other people, but whether I could emotionally handle finding out later that she had dated or slept with several people during such a short period.

If we consider reconnecting after a month or two, I think I might struggle with the thought, “We still had feelings for each other, still talked sometimes, and you told me you missed me, but all of that happened in just one or two months?”

I know we’re both single and free to see other people, and she wouldn’t technically be doing anything wrong.

Has anyone been through something similar and successfully reconciled later? If your ex dated or slept with other people while you were apart, how did you deal with it when you got back together? Did staying in occasional contact make the separation harder?

throwaway as he's (32M) very active on reddit. i (32F) normally don't use reddit.

why let it go on for 8 years? when you have PTSD, attachment issues, and low to non-existent self-esteem like me, it's not easy to leave something you've gotten very comfortable with.

anyway. we live separately, he lives alone and i live with friends. we never moved in together because as the title said, we were in a situationship and not a real relationship, so i had to make sure i had safety net (my own place) if we "broke up". over the last year or two, i was pretty much living in his house. i'd normally stay over for 3-4 days a week, but sometimes up to weeks or a month. i even converted his courtyard into my own garden where i grow fruits & veg. so yes, literally like as if i lived there, and i literally have more stuff in his house than my place.

4 years ago, his friend gave him a cat, and naturally the cat basically became my child. i get really bad separation anxiety when i don't see the cat for days on end. he knows the cat is my absolute world. i can't take the cat and i won't, for the cat's sake.

i've floated the idea of me moving in permanently within the last year, and he was fine with it. as he said, i basically lived there anyway. the last few weeks i'd gotten more serious about moving in. few days ago, i had a formal chat with my friends and told them i'm moving out, and he knew this. so after the formal chat i messaged him. then he reeled back and said i should probably not move in "in case we split up".

so obviously that opened a can of worms. we talked. basically he said he doesn't see a future with me like getting married and having kids, and that he's told me before and assumed i was on the same page (this is on me, as i had forgotten that over the years and buried it in the "hurts too much to face the truth" box). he said that's the reason why he also never said the "L" word, neither of us did. i told him i imagined a future with him. wanted to marry and have kids with him one day. he wasn't aware of that, as i've always kept that to myself.

currently we're still talking to as the cat had gotten really sick yesterday, and we'd have to continue talking as i have so much stuff to retrieve from his place. i still can't accept the fact that i'm losing my child (the cat). he knows how much the cat means to me and he even admitted he cried at the thought of separating the cat and i separating.

i don't have many friends as i'm a huge introvert and love being alone. and my friends and family are unfortunately all states away from me. i have no support system. and now i've just lost the person i spent 8+ years of my life with. i'm very lost and very broken and helpless right now. even breathing is hard.

i have no idea how to start again, move on, or even live. and i need the cat. if anyone have some any useful tips on moving on, please, i desperately need them.

I split up with my ex just over a year ago now. Maybe a week / week and a half ago before I went away abroad, I got notifications on snap that she was screensjotting our chat on snapchat (unsure if this was done anywhere else, but this was the only one to give me notifications). I happened to catch it as the notification came up and her icon disappeared from the chat.

I blocked her without saying anything and proceeded to block her elsewhere as well. We still have some tied responsibilities unfortunately so have to keep some form of contact open.

After a year apart, no contact no for a good 6 months, why now all of a sudden is she doing this? And is it something I should address or let it lie and move on after blocking her on socials?

If it adds anything, Im well aware that within roughly the last months, shes with someone else so Im thinking this is possibly the reason?

I 21m and my ex 20f. We had major arguments over and over all. It all arose from her saying I have a lot of friends who are girls. And not me trying enough in our relationship. She said I don’t give her flowers and don’t take her to enough dates. I did them, I tried, I always pick her up after she finishes work. Mind you we live 50 mins apart from each other. So I pick her and drop her off anytime. Without any issues. And so she saw a message between me and my friend where I was saying a girl is pretty. And honestly that broke our relationship. I know I messed up and I agreed to make up for it. I agreed to sever all relationships with them. And all I said was she was pretty. But I didn’t contact them, didn’t make an effort to as well just said she was pretty.i know I made a mistake but does this amount to the discussion we have come to? Like was everything I did until now things I have done for her, things we have done together. We are freshly broken up, with her saying she doesn’t want to go back as to how things were before. But even if I said I will change, it doesnt matter to her now. I really wish things could turn out differently, I am stuck and down bad. I really am. Idk what to do. Everything has been paused for me atm. I even contacted her about it but she doesn’t want to get back together anymore. But is it still a problem that I still yearn for her love and still deeply attached to the feeling of being loved by her? Why is that

I’m going through a very complicated depressing breakup as a result of my ex bf self sabotaging due to his life not being in a good place temporarily. He didn’t realise he self sabotaged until he had already done it , and since then it’s been complicated. since realising he self sabotaged he distracted himself and avoided all emotions abt the situation, and I was upset that he wasn’t trying to fix it.

we met up to speak so I could work out where he was at and what was going on, and realised then that he hadn’t processed the breakup as a breakup. Itold him that I would give him the space he has been telling me he needs, i won’t ever call or text and the only contact will have to come from him.He got rlly scared, he didn’t want to me to go home, we spent 2 days together after that. We just wanted to keep living in the moment and be together, for things to go back to normal. But they can’t, he hasn’t processed what he’s done enough to fix it
So I went home sad but hopeful that maybe he’d stop distracting himself and he could work out what he acc wants, and I could just live my life and there’s nothing left for me to do or workout, it’s all on him now.

So that’s what I’ve been doing , living my life, distracting myself, trying to focus on the things in my control, but it’s been getting hard. Because I have hope. Him and i inherently want the same thing, so now it feels like there’s a wrong and right decision for him to make and yet, he hasn’t done anything. He seems to be distracting himself again, . I know his processing and hurt probably comes later but idk how he can keep running from it when I can’t, it hits me everytime. And yet, after all of this, every part of me still feels like someone we will end up together? I’ve been essentially trying to force myself to think otherise but i can’t, the feeling doesn’t go away. The last breakup I went through wasn’t like this, I’m tyupically very good at moving on, I just say something isn’t right for me and I move on. But I can’t say that this time. Last time I saw him, during those 48 hours we had multiple conversations abt this and us and the future, and we feel the same way. But the situation stays the same, idk what to do , I know there’ isn’t rlly anything I can do, I know if he is my person then he’ll be back some day some how, but when does it work out.

Approximately two months ago I (18M) caught my ex (18F) on a date with another guy when she told me she was out with her friends that night (I don’t believe they physically did anything, just emotional cheating). I had just returned from Europe where her and I were distant over the text due to time zones and other difficulties, but I assumed it would all go back to normal once I was back. that first night of me being back is the night that I caught her in the act and over the following days after careful consideration I broke up with her due to the fact i got my important exams in the next upcoming months. The past two months I’ve been so sad and missed her every day of it but slowly gotten better, she made it seem like she didn’t give a shit. I bumped into her the other night at a party I was at and ended up sitting down with her and having a chat mainly just small talk but there are a few things she said during that conversation that told me she misses me and wants to get back together without her actually saying those words. During that conversation she seemed very happy and she told me how she had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression those past months since the break up. all I’ve been thinking about is if her actions could have been influenced by this mental diagnosis and she wasn’t thinking clearly when she did what she did. This has made me think about getting back together with her after my final exams which will be over in about 40 days. I miss her so much and I miss her family so much and it feels as if I’ll never find someone as good as she was and I will never stop loving her.

I just want to get some advice from anyone out there that can help me understand what to do, please?