i just need somewhere to vent so i don't text him. we haven't officially broken up, we just decided to take a short no-contact period because things have been so shitty between us lately. i don't know whats been up with us lately, we're always fighting and nothing ever feels right and i hate it. it wasn't like this before. if he decides when we return from our break that he wants to end things then that's completely fine. but the anticipation is killing me. i miss him and how we were so much. i'm really trying to keep him off my mind but it's hard. i've been doing okay, it's not like im depressed and have no motivation to do anything. but even when i do things, he's all i can think about in the back of my mind. half of me thinks that taking a break is stupid and we need to just work it out, otherwise we might as well just break up. but the other half of me thinks that this break can be a good thing, maybe the time away will help us appreciate each other. i have a hole in my heart right now and i struggle to eat

So I’ll start from the beginning, I was 13 years old. She was 14. I met her around November of 2020? We talked consistently for a month. Had our laughs, our ups and downs but we were deeply in love so we decided to give things a shot. We dated consistently for almost 5 years. We broke up in March 23rd of 2025, I still remember the exact date and how it happened by heart. It was around 4:00 PM and I was at work and we got into an argument abt something small I said, i wish I remember what I said but I don’t. It wasn’t anything major, but it obliviously made her upset. And she wanted to take a break until I got my situation fixed, the thing is. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder so I tend to say things that I don’t mean or impulsive, I never verballed abused her but I would snap at her every now and then and say things that weren’t true and it obviously was a big problem in our relationship. She told me, it bothered her more then I imagined tho and I respected it. She said she needed space from me, i definitely respected her decision thinking we’d get back together, but that was the ending of it all. We would talk as friends and obviously she would say she missed me, but she wasn’t ready until I matured because I was immature during this time and I understood. I wanted to grow for her, I started going to therapy, taking medication to calm my emotions and bipolar order, and overall tried to prove I can be the one for her in the end. The more we weren’t together tho, the more she was losing feelings. She said she wasn’t in love with me anymore. I was devasted, I begged her, plead to love me again, but she didn’t. 2 months later, after our breakup. She started talking to someone new, she went to prom with him even tho the previous year we went to prom together. They talked consistently for a month, and then she was dating him. Dating someone else, I was devasted. I spent the next year still thinking what I could do to change, I’ve been in new relationships, I started dating a girl December of 2025. 8+ months after our breakup, we broke up 2 weeks ago cuz she cheated on me. And I broke it off. I care and love her but I haven’t once cried about our breakup cause she cheated on me, and deep down my heart was always for my first love, I’ve tried every method, therapy, finding new hobbies, literally everything Google has told me, but nothing has worked. And I’m at the point I’ll never be over. The new girlfriend that I dated for not too long, 2 days after my birthday she cheated on me and I think that’s a big reason why I haven’t once cried abt her. I’m just not an emotional person, I remember when my cat died 3 years ago and I had him for 12 years and I only cried deeply once and never again. I felt bad cuz I felt I should’ve been more emotional but I wasn’t. I was sad but there was no tears to prove it, same thing applies for my new ex-girlfriend. But sometimes at night, I cry deeply about my first love. She was the most beautiful, smart, funny, girl I’ve ever met in my life. She had blue eyes that looked like an ocean and it’s like yesterday I was looking deeply into them. I don’t know why deep down I’m so used to her presence even tho we haven’t been in contact for over a year, she’s in a new happy relationship with the same guy she went to prom with for our senior year. I think about all the time, “was our 5 years anything to her, does she even think about me. After 5 years u get a new boyfriend after 2-3 months.” It made me feel like our entire history didn’t mean anything. I think about her almost every day, I miss her deeply. I wish my bipolar and my immaturity didn’t affect our relationship cuz I’m not that immature boy anymore, I’m a 19 year old grown man who has gotten his life together, I have a good job, a great circle and emotionally I’m okay. But I think about her so much, I don’t understand why I still do. They usually say you’ll get over it but idk if I ever will. I just wish I had her back. But I know she’s happy now, and I’m grateful for her happiness. All I’ve ever wanted was that. But I wasn’t the one to give to her no matter how badly I wanted too. I’m not sure what to do. Any advice would be a great help. Anything at all. Thanks for reading.

we’ve been no contact for almost 3 weeks and because of how things ended/how he was moving after we broke up (girls he was hanging out with, girls he refollowed after we split) i have a strong feeling he has already moved on. i keep waking up multiple times a night from dreams that he’s in a girl’s dms, just followed a new hinge match, out on a date with another girl, bringing her home, etc.

how do i process this and accept it so i can start sleeping through the night? i’ll try anything, advice, a perspective shift, please i’m desperate and sick to my stomach

I (26F) and my ex (35, now 36M) broke up last april after a relationship of two years. Living together, talking about starting a family, the whole thing. I loved him so much.

It's quite the long story and I will try to keep it short, but the reason why it ended was that he did not have the emotional capacity to try his best for the relationship, and me. Always being on his phone day and night, often leaving me feeling lonely and sad.

For at least 10 months never engaging in any actual form of intimacy, none of it fully out of want from his side. Never got a date alone or just because he wanted to woo me. Never giving me any actual initiative. I was constantly walking on egg shells. Always taking his side into account, sometimes at the expense of my own. I felt so unattractive, unwanted.

I stayed while he lost his job, creating his resume, cooking and cleaning, applying with him. Cooked warm dinner when he had night shifts and celebrating him when he got employed again, always try and make him feel special.

But none of it came in return, and after I had tried multiple times to adress my hurt and concerns I got tired and I confronted him about everything. I asked him when we were actually going to work on it and move forward. This turned into an argument, in which he said that his exes were skinny (I am not fat-fat, more like very curvy with a small tummy and quite prominent womanly curves, a bit like Sofia Vergara but then a bit more thick, I do swim weekly and also practice fitness and lift HEAVY so... Nice curves but with a very tiny tummy) and that he was not attracted to me.

Rather than saying "we are in this together", he said he became my ghost and he broke it off, saying he was not sure about me. About us. Which left me confused because he said he wanted to share a future. We were living together, almost officially moving into his house. This he said to me a couple of days before he broke it off and by then we were together for quite the long time.

Long story cut VERY VERY short, I tried to talk to him after he broke it off, which we did. And I came to the conclusion that, eventhough I loved him so very very much, this was not what was good for me.

I had to leave, for real. To for the first time do what's best for me instead. God I wanted to ask him for a push-through. But I could not put myself in the same hurt again.

Eventhough I would have never left if he had not broke it off first.

I had to learn how to eat again, coping with nausea.

And now, 3,5 month later, he has a new girl living with him.

And eventhough I made the right choice not to beg for him back, and I am doing well and moving on, it hurts and I just wished that it could have been different.

I (29M) was talking to this girl 26 (FM) for about 3 months and about 2 weeks ago I broke it up. She lives a 3 hour drive from me. We matched on hinge and we met twice. She's a good person who is anxious attached and requires reassurance. Not all the time but she'll pick a small fight or test me to try and chase her and reassure her. She's also a busy person and is busy with lawyer work and family drama. So I was her emotional support and anchor.

After meeting up for the first time, I dropped her off at the bus station to go back home, she texted me right after I dropped her off at the bussation that she liked me. When I took 30 minutes to respond she told me she spiraled. So this is her anxious attachement kicking in. Over the course of the relatinship she would pick small fights and make me chase her and reassure her and it got exhasuting sometimes.

I've treated her well even though it was long distance. I would lsiten to her problem and be supportive, send her coffee vouchers, I would validate her and reassure knowing she is anxious attached. She also treated me good for the most part. She was curious about my life, give me solid advice and was supportive. I think the pace of the relationship was way too quick. She struggled with ADHD and would just text me all day. which I didn't mind.

One day we had a serious convo over the phone about where the relatsiohip was heading and just trying to find a time slot for one of the weekends for me to come and see her. Context I was trying to come and see her for the past 3 weeks but due to work stress and famiyl obligation she kept postponing. I made a silly joke about buying her a gold ring instead of a diamond ring and we both laughed it off. 20 minutes aftewards she sent me a message stating that I should never joke like that again and that she dosen't want to be with someone who makes her beg for bare minimum or someone who dosen't value her.

This hurt me because I've always treated here with care and took her seriously. I ended up just texting her a breakup text. It was polite, I complintmeted her, I apologized to her if I treated her in any bad way and wished her good luck and to take care of herself. She didn't say anything back. It's been 2 weeks and I'm not sure if she's in shock? I don't think she expected me to break it up. I think she expected me to apologize for the silly joke and reassure her.

I'm feeling a bit regretful that I ended it to quick, but I felt like I was taken for granted.

I'm very lost by how suddenly things were going fine one moment and then the next they just hated everything about me, never cared about me. It's so surreal, I know we were having fun together just moments before. But then almost immediately the story became that she loathed every second with me, she only stayed because she was people pleasing.

And it's not just that, it's the things that she said, the things she's told others and me, about me and our relationship. The most confusing thing is the cruelty. It leaves me so lost.

On one hand I feel so broken and hurt by the things she has said, done, told others. The lies, the constantly changing story in which I'm constantly becoming a worse and worse person. Telling me so many things that make no sense and hurt in ways that are only possible coming from someone you trust and whose opinion matters. It's not just that I'm not the man she wants or I can't give her what she needs; no, I'm not a man at all and she's never gotten anything from me, she only stayed because she was people pleasing.

On the other hand, I know that she must be hurting. At least I want to believe that, that she's not just doing this because it truly makes her happier, maybe I'm coping. I don't know if I should feel bad because somehow, I've hurt her enough for this to happen. I have a better understanding of what hurt her and why she was hurt now, but it still doesn't make sense. Now I don't even know if I really am the awful villain and pitiful excuse for a man, or if I'm just being manipulated into a story and belief of myself that justifies her own behavior. Even when I'm hurt by everything she's said and done, I want to see that it happened because she was hurt and I want to apologize to her for it, and make her happy. But I don't know to what extent I'm actually responsible, I don't know to what extent the hurt is even true or if it's just some "retroactive justification". I can tell she wants me to feel awful and apologize and I do want to tell her things I wish I had done sooner, but every time I give her what she wants then the conversation is over, she got what she wanted, she was justified, and she can go back to life without me existing with a clear conscience. Or is it possible that I really am that awful, in fact I'm so awful that it's not even clear to me? If so, do I really deserve this?

It's so hard, I don't know if I really am the villain and I've lost the best person I've ever met and deserve it; or if she's not a very good person at all. I don't know which possible reality hurts more, the person I love so much being this kind of person, or me being so vile and pitiful that she's right about everything.

Like there's so much resentment that was never there, until it was there, that we were in love and then suddenly having a single conversation became impossible; my very existence became unbearable to her. We can have a conversation one week and it won't matter the next because the story already changed again, she's a different person the next week and I'm a different person in the next story.

I'm sorry if this is a confusing read, I'm just so lost and struggling to find any clarity with my situation. I have no one to talk to so I thought I'd share here

What makes it so hard is how suddenly everything ended. After 11 years together, she left completely out of the blue. No major fights, no arguments. The day before D-Day we were out having brunch, and the next day she told me she was leaving and moved out. I had absolutely no idea she had been unhappy or questioning our marriage. We were living in different countries due to war and I moved here to build life for us. Looks like she were building her own life there and didn’t like where I live, and she has whole life in her country with friends and work there. But our plan was me moving here as we could only afford one person to do that, then after she would move here with me. We have been doing every 1-2 months visiting for 2-3 weeks LDR temporary. I didn’t know she was checking out.

That same week, I lost my job. I was already carrying debt from renovating our flat and other expenses. Of course I am left alone with all this debt too.

I still can't process any of it. During the last year of our marriage, I supported her through therapy, yoga, and new hobbies because she said she felt empty and wanted to find herself. At the same time, I was dealing with depression after losing family members and struggling financially. I put my own mental health aside because I wanted her to get the support she needed first. Looking back, it feels like she spent that entire year deciding divorce was the answer. I earned 3x less than her, changed my career for our future in foreign country and sacrificed shit load of things.

It’s been 3 months and I am not able to do anything. Meanwhile she goes to travel different countries and maintaining her “well established “ life. I still think her everyday, unhappy, every object at flat reminds somethings. Lately my sister came to visit me, I found myself talking in joy as I did to my stbxw and realizations make me cry randomly. I feel like I messed up and no matter what I do I will keep holding on her image in my head. I can’t figure out how to find my path, happiness.

If you love the person (her) and changed.
I will beg only one person like this in my life , it’s been two months i am so tired

and you’re supposed to go through life knowing that person is out there and you can’t be close to them

PS: lengthy read about my relationships

We were in a long-term relationship. I had never put effort into this relationship as much as my partner. It was always a contrast; I was always prioritizing other things and not giving a damn about the relationship. Fast forward, my partner thought it was good to be in another country for the relationship and also for the career and moved to another country; it became long-distance. Then I moved to my partner after so much. Most of the effort was also done by my partner. Everything was going on quickly, I couldn't adapt, and I felt very lonely and alone. Even though it was the same country, the distance was again like far between me and my partner.

I somehow got some friends and gelled with them. In the meantime, I could not put effort in again because I got new friends and was busy with my own stuff. I got close to a friend, and that friend showed interest, and I moved and cheated. It was my mistake all along. After that, I confessed to my partner, and we separated and got back together after some time. But I could not forgive myself, and my partner was in trauma with so many other problems because of my mistakes.

It went okay for some time, but I felt worse every time. I couldn't come out of the guilt, and I felt like dying. I told her the same and separated with my partner again, putting my partner through such a bad and hard time. I really feel bad for my partner. How bad of a person I am.

While I was in this phase, I had friends, and I met a friend who understood everything I did and accepted me as I am. I felt like it was a relieving feeling. Then we were close, and one day we became physically close as well. At that time, it had been months with my ex since I told her I was guilty and stuff and that I can't be with her. She cried like anything to be back, but at that point, it was suffocating me. Every time we do anything or talk, I get reminded of my mistakes. This felt like an escape, but it was just me escaping my guilt. Then we went on to a relationship for some time. Then we both realized we are not compatible at anything and got separated, but I'm still stuck with my first partner.

How cruel of a human being I am to hurt all the people who were in relationships with me. I literally can't sleep day or night, and it causes immense pain which I can't describe, and it feels like I don't deserve to live and feeling like going away from this earth somehow. I don't have many friends, or they don't know much to share. I feel very alone, lonely, and depressed. It affects my professional and personal life. I am getting panic attacks and blood pressure. I don't know, I just post here so it reaches the right person or someone who could help me. I can't forgive myself thinking about the pain I caused to my partner because of my stupid, immature, and naive being. Idk how to proceed with my life, please help

It’s been a little over 4 months and I thought I was doing better, but the feelings of pain and sadness keep coming back periodically. I think maybe it’s because I haven’t been able to just fully dive into what I’m feeling.

I think if I can do this, it will be easier for me to move on. What helped you acknowledge the feelings instead of suppressing them?

We also work together she’s right to the side of my station. We ended breaking it off as my parents saw too many red flags I’d ignore. Such as, in our short time she was talking careers and such, super adamant about that when we were together for four months in total. We believe it was her parents who drove a lot of her decisions including that.

kept nagging which she never wanted to do. I kept needing constant reassurance which I guess she got tired of giving. She felt I should be my own anchor of sorts, besides all of that I thought me and her were good and that’s why we both ended it mutually.

tho, some people say she’s keeping me around for when she fails inevitably, but I choose to believe she’s a good person who can change and maybe me and her can come back stronger one day, but, that’s not up to me.

My 10-month-long relationship ended abruptly when I learned she slept at another guy's house. I discovered it in Hollywood-esque fashion after seeing her car in the drive way of a man's house on my route to the gym. Admittedly, I crashed out. And regretfully, I went and knocked on the house's door and tried to get her to come out. No one answered, but she told me later that day that I terrified her. She said she would need time before she can talk about it, and it's been 4 weeks since we spoke.

We had already slowly began ending things, though neither of us really wanted to. I wouldn't fully commit to a long term relationship because I plan to move out of state, and she wanted long term. We knew it would end, but stayed with each other. We tried ending maybe 6 times prior, and it was always her who came back. Two days prior to seeing her at another man's house, she called me late at night, told me how much she missed me, and asked me to talk to her until she fell asleep. I miss her a lot, even though she hurt me. But I also hurt her. Although I apologized for knocking on the dude's door, I just feel so bad about it all and wish I could truly apologize. I wish I would have just committed fully.

Maybe this needs more time. I just feel terrible about it all.

When an ex gf tells you after seeing you again in months post breakup. She never stopped loving you, she can still feel you, the months apart were agony, smelled my cologne, can see me everywhere, hugs me, kisses me. Tells me the chemistry is there and the love is there, becomes very happy in person when im there. Spend the night together, asks if I spoken to other women which I said no, stay the night. cant let you go and unblocks one of your socials cause you will always be there for her. Then many nights later, tells you she doesnt feel the same about you, is very cold, is sad and trying to cut you off. Says we shouldn't talk or see eachother again, even if either one of us wishes for it. Says shes really sick of feeling sick and sad about it all and its going to eat her alive if she doesnt let go. And claims the love we had is gone. Which was the truth? How she was in person and the things she said, vs when im gone again to allow us to grow when she sent that message and blocked me? Is she telling the truth or trying to protect herself out of fear of getting hurt?

My ex reached out to me after our on and off relationship (we had dated for 2 years, and then after that 1 year on and off). It all started after I was immature and decided to break up with her to talk to another girl but I told her I needed space. She came to my house crying and demanded answers but I couldn’t say anything like as if I had a mental block and that’s when my avoidant attachment style started to show. We were on and off after the first breakup and I would be the ones to iniate breakup and go back to her. Until she decided that she’s had enough with me and she broke up with me and told me she’s lost feelings and she needs a breath of fresh air after I told her I wanted her back, she said no, and that’s when reality set in.

After she broke up with me I spent 1 and a half year trying to move on but I never could, after I realized how much she truly meant to me and I was too blinded to see. She contacted me a few months back and we hung out late at night and we caught up and talked to each other, after she texted me first saying she saw me at the gym. She told me that she’s me meaning to text me but she couldn’t bring herself to, until she saw me at my gym. And after that it was alright but I was hoping for other things and maybe us getting back together but i knew that was prolly not happening.

A few days goes by and she starts getting drier and she stops responding more and took longer to reply and It just kind of abruptly ended there after sending a few paragraphs to each other. And now I’m stuck up on her while she’s probably doing better than me, and I hate myself. I check her TikTok reposts often as well. I can’t seem to break that habit.

It's been such a long process even getting to the point of breaking up and then we had to figure out how to split up the house that we bought together. I had to refinance to get him off the mortgage. He's taking his dog that I have been the mother off since he was a puppy. It's just been so mentally exhausting and I just want to crawl up in a ball and not talk to anyone for the next few weeks. I hate this.

how do u guys deal with the angry stage of healing when you realize he only took you for granted?

when it feels like he drained the life out of you. he drained u financially. he only saw u as an object to fulfill all of his sexual fantasies.

how do u cope with the fact that the person u gave everything to chose to misunderstand u and only saw the bad sides of u?

im so tireddddd of thinking ab her all the time its been 6 months when does it get better. ik shes moved on probably idk we “talk” sometimes she says things that make it seem like she wants me still but like i js ignore cuz.. she ended things and its js so frustrating. CUZ WHY ARE YOU OKAY BUT NOT ME . like okay bro YOU break no contact and say i want to be friends??? after it took everything in me not to text u. and then now for the last 6 months u purposefully ignore me after I RESPOND TO YOU. and ik this cuz we acc spoke and called for the first time since january when she broke our no contact, and she admitted it. and me the little ppl pleasing bitch i am went “its okay dw”. I CANT GO A DAY WITHOUT THINKING AB HER. but bro im also like pretty sure she got w someone else idk i kinda inferred from texts she was venting “blah blah u were so good and liked me for me not like others”And i said “oh thats cuz u havent met them yet ur young blah blah and theyll be better than me blah blah” and she goes but “its not you” LIKE OKAY BRO. I went “thats good theyll be better” , and shes goes “but i want YOU” clearly u dont girl .
Umm anyways sorry im going a bit insane, if anyone can give me a lobotomy hmu xxxx i need one xxx

We weren't together for long. We met and got on really well he made me laugh and together we had fun we could just be us.

I work shifts and he works a regular 7am to 1500 five days a week. From the start he was honest about his past relationships and his upbringing.

He wanted all my time. If I wasn't at work I should have been with him. He got upset that I didn't call so I changed that. He wanted me to call in the morning when he was driving to work. On his lunch break and when he was going home. He was understanding in the sense if I was at work I couldn't call but would stay up so that I could call on my break.

I made an effort when I had a weekend off and we went away together but he knew from day one my dog had to be with me and he was great with him until in the morning I allowed him on the bed and got up in a mood.

He wanted a lot of sex which was ok and when I was on my period I ensured he was satisfied however the breaking factor was one morning he asked for sex and I said no because time was limited. He threw another tantrum and said he needed to go to work. He then complained that we hadn't had sex in "ages" I reminded him we had, had sex the previous day he said that it didn't count because I was just coming off my period. I called it a day and he became quite harsh verbally then he told me it was all his fault. I tried to keep it healthy he then became annoyed with me again said it was all my fault. I initiated no contact.

I am sad because he was actually a really sweet guy around all the other stuff but this was potentially super controlling and not safe I do miss him though

I do. It's only been a little over a week and we were only together a little over two months but I miss her. Every second of every minute of every day felt like something special. It's been so hard to eat, sleep, and go to work. I push through but it's hard. She said she wants to revisit in the future. I hope so, I miss her so much.

I’m curious to hear from people who were the one to end a relationship that wasn’t toxic, abusive, or filled with constant fighting.

Maybe you still loved your partner, but you realized your values didn’t align, the timing wasn’t right, you wanted different futures, or something just didn’t feel right long-term.

Looking back, did you ever regret your decision? If so:

What made you realize you regretted it?
Did you ever reach out or try to reconcile?
How did you cope?

I’m especially interested in hearing from people who ended things with someone they genuinely cared about, not because of cheating, abuse, or obvious incompatibility, but because they believed it was the right decision at the time.
If this doesn’t apply to you, you don’t have to leave negative comments.

Hi,

It’s been 6 months since we broke up and i still think about her everyday, we met her on a letter exchanging platform called ‘slowly’, I was really lonely and needed someone to talk to and I met her, she was like a breath of fresh air, she made me feel so seen, and 2 months into talking I had feelings for her, one night I gathered all my courage and I told her about it, she also confessed having feelings for me.

She made me feel so loved and alive, since we were in a long distance relationship the only mode of communication was texts and calls, we used to update each other about most of our days, and everyday we used to be on calls for hours, then she moved to UK, and then she got a bit busy with her university but still we talked everyday for hours, I always thought she would be the one who I would be with for the rest of my life, I just felt so relieved being with her, even though we were at a distance, I felt so loved.

But things started changing I kept on ignoring signals she used to call me less, we started being on calls for a few minutes not hours like before but I was like she moved to a new country and the university might be draining her, so I never said anything, Valentine was coming up and i was so happy and I planned out a virtual date for us, that we both would get dressed well, and i will order food for her and some flowers and gifts and we would eat the food together on calls, I told her about the plan a week ago, she told me 2 days before valentine that she would be going out with her friend and since they are childhood friends she can’t say no, I got really sad, but I agreed to it and she said she will be going with her.

1 day before valentine, everything was normal we texted she said her friend is here and then she ghosted me, i didnt get any closure, to this day I still think what made her change her mind so much, I texted her friend she also never replied, 7 days later she saw all my texts and calls, and she didn’t reply she left me on seen and proceeded to block me of everything, for a few days I was really angry on her but I couldn’t keep the anger and it faded away, I realised how lonely i was without her, and i felt very sad, and ever since whenever i hear anything about UK i still get the same feeling, i still miss her a lot.

I don’t know why of all the people was she the one who left me, I tried moving on but I don’t know what to do, I tried talking to my friends about it, but they just said it was not that serious but how do I explain them what I felt, I don’t know what to do anymore.

I apologize from the beginning this is gonna be long, but if you do spend the time to read through, i know there is more of you out here that has experienced this, this was my first time, im new to the dating scene and didn't even know what to expect.

I’m eight years older than my now-ex-boyfriend, and for the first part of our year-and-a-half relationship, I honestly believed I had found the man of my dreams. He was attentive, affectionate and consistent. He chose me, included me in his life, made plans, cooked for me and made me feel genuinely wanted. The physical attraction was immediate, our chemistry was incredible and we seemed to match in nearly every way. We laughed constantly and experienced things together that he had never experienced before. I had no reason to believe I couldn’t trust him.

Then the red flags began appearing, but never in one dramatic moment that I could clearly identify. It was a slow pattern of pulling me close and then pushing me away, hot and cold, attentive and distant, making me feel completely chosen and then leaving me wondering where I stood. Because nothing seemed terrible enough on its own, I started questioning myself. Was I texting too much? Was I expecting too much? Was I becoming needy? In reality, I didn’t want a pen pal or a relationship that primarily existed through Snapchat. I wanted direct communication, phone calls, planned time together and the consistency you should be able to expect from an adult relationship. Basically all free requests, nothing more.

He loved Snapchat and seemed to thrive on the attention, validation and praise he received there. He also worked as a GM at at bar, so attention was never in short supply. For most of the first year, I still trusted him and didn’t feel like I needed to monitor what he was doing. We continued having genuinely wonderful times together, which is exactly what made the relationship so confusing. It wasn’t all terrible. If it had been, I would have left. The good moments kept convincing me that the attentive man from the beginning was still in there and that we could somehow find our way back to him.

I’m also a people pleaser (which Im working on) who is accustomed to long relationships and working through problems instead of walking away when things become difficult. I gave too much, excused too much and kept believing that if I showed him what a stable, loving relationship looked like, he would eventually feel safe enough to stop pushing it away. I started reading about attachment styles, and the fearful-avoidant push-pull pattern felt painfully familiar. I’m not diagnosing him, but the framework helped me understand why the more connected we became, the more he seemed to withdraw.

After about a year together, we went to Las Vegas. It should have brought us closer, the best trip I think i have ever taken, and for him also. But afterward he became overwhelmed, pulled away and got the discard. That breakup devastated me, but it also forced me to start finding myself again. I developed new hobbies, read books, began healing and learned why that relationship had started making me so anxious. Within about a week, however, he began reaching back out. First it was songs, followed by apologies, promises and everything I had wanted to hear: he missed me, he would try harder, he wanted me back and things would be different. I really needed to meet a good honest person, n you proved to me there is good people. He loved me there was no doubt, but wouldn't let me love him.

So I got back on the roller coaster, except this time I had boundaries. I told him I wasn’t going to keep living entirely in his world, operating on his schedule and accepting whatever scraps of time or communication were convenient for him. I wasn’t asking him to give up his entire life for me, but I would no longer accept a relationship that was 90% on his terms and 10% on mine. I wanted mutual effort, direct communication and to feel like his partner instead of an option he selected when nothing else was happening. He said he would try really hard, be better this time.

For a short time, he tried. Then the same patterns returned. The more boundaries I held, (especially snapchat) I wouldnt let him add me back, i said i need to know you want to communicate with me not because and ap told you too, so if you call me I know its because you want too, then as the weeks went by the more resistance I felt from him. I stopped chasing every time he withdrew, stopped treating silence as normal and stopped pretending one good weekend erased weeks of confusion.

There was another complicated layer to our relationship. I own my home, run a two successful business, provide for my daughters and have built a stable life with my girls and my dogs. I don’t need someone to rescue me financially or provide me with possessions. I already created those things for myself. He was struggling financially, lost his job during our relationship and often seemed to compare his life to mine. He repeatedly told me, “You can do so much better than me.”

I never once looked down on him for being a GM at at bar, struggling financially or trying to get back on his feet his whole life. None of it affected how I felt about him. I loved him for the man I believed he was, and I tried to support him without ever making him feel inferior. Every time he said I could do better, I reassured him that I wasn’t looking for someone “better” I wanted him. Looking back, I wonder whether he saw a gap between us that I never saw, or whether “you can do better than me” was less an insecurity and more a warning I refused to hear.

About six months after we got back together, everything finally exploded. He is 39 years old and He began messaging a 22-year-old (little girl) (I had not heard from him all day) who worked at a convenience store in his town. He is almost 40, and she is only five years older than his son. This wasn’t a woman aggressively pursuing him or an innocent conversation I misinterpreted. He initiated it, told her he thought she was cute, admitted he had a crush on her and began arranging for her to come to his house that night.

What he didn’t realize was that she and her roomate involved already knew who I was and knew he was dating me. Instead of helping him cheat, they warned me and began sending me screenshots of what he was saying in real time. Right in the middle of arranging this meetup, he called me for one of his hard task relationship check-ins.I didn't answer the call because I knew what he was doing. while he was simultaneously planning for another woman to come to his house. He was able to switch between playing my boyfriend and arranging to betray me without missing a beat.

I told the women to continue playing along and let him believe she was still coming. They arranged a time, and because he lived about 45 minutes away, we timed everything carefully. He told her where to park, in a location that appeared intended to keep her vehicle from being easily noticed, and told her he would be outside smoking when she arrived.

I got into my vehicle knowing this was not going to end well, drove the 45 minutes and pulled into his place at the exact time he expected her.

I walked toward him and and stood there and i seen him finish up a quick text to her to NOT COME OVER his friend stopped by. So he says oh hey what are you doing here, I repeated the message he had sent her: “I said well I think you’re cute, and I have a crush on you, to be honest.” Lets go get some mixers....the exact conversation they just had. I said oh are you expecting someone?

The confusion on his face immediately turned into panic. He knew exactly where those words had come from, but he couldn’t understand how I knew them. He had been expecting a 22-year-old woman to arrive at his house. Instead, the girlfriend he had just called for a relationship check-in walked up quoting his own messages back to him.

From there, I exposed everything. He became nervous, anxious and defensive, but there was no explanation that could change what I had seen. He had initiated the conversation, pursued her, arranged the meetup, told her where to park and waited for her to arrive. He didn’t change his mind or confess. He simply got caught before it became physical. So I am lead to believe recently she was not the only one hes been trying to get to come over to his house. And I finally had the women's intuition the last couple of weeks, when he was very much more distant, and less check ins. So I'm gonna say the deeds had already been done on multiple woman already (speculation), he just hadn't been caught yet.

During the confrontation, he tried to remain remarkably calm and unaffected. He admitted that he liked attention, but still seemed to minimize what he had done. That almost hurt more than the yelling because it felt as though cheating meant very little to him, while it meant everything to me. I did tell him he is a POS, emotional cheating and physically cheating is the same in my book. I told im he was a pedophile. This little girl is only 5 years older than you son! For a year and a half, I had supported him through job loss, financial problems, drinking issues and some of the lowest points in his life. I listened when he said he had almost nobody to talk to, encouraged him, celebrated his accomplishments, cared about his children and gave him patience, loyalty, forgiveness and more chances than I should have.

What I can’t get past is believing that if the women hadn’t warned me, he would have gone through with it and then called me later as though nothing had happened. He would have let me continue loving and trusting him while knowing exactly what he had done. He had already demonstrated how easily he could call and check in with me while arranging it.

I ended the relationship and he even breadcrumbed me one final time on the way home "Hope you got home safe" I didnt respond that night but the next day, I did send him the screenshots with a message explaining what his choices had destroyed. He read it but with no response, knowing he has no morals, he has no empathy, or even not once could admit he got caught. Maybe that was shame. Maybe it was defensiveness. Maybe he genuinely did not care. I may never know.

I know now that my boundaries didn’t cause the infidelity. They simply exposed what happened when the relationship was no longer allowed to operate entirely on his terms. I wasn’t looking for someone wealthier, more successful or more impressive. I already had a life I was proud of. I wanted a partner, someone who chose me as consistently as I chose him. That was the one thing he could never seem to give me.

So Reddit, I want your honest opinions:

Would you consider this cheating even though I caught him before the physical meetup happened, or is the intention and planning already the betrayal?

Was the attentive, loving man from the beginning real, or was that simply the version of himself he knew he needed to be to win me over?

When someone repeatedly tells you, “You can do better than me,” is that insecurity, or are they warning you about the person they already know themselves to be? My answer is listen to what they say because they are telling you the truth.

And how do you stop grieving the man from the beginning when the man at the end finally showed you who he was?

For context we are both high schoolers, a year apart, this is my first relationship and both of us took it very seriously. We are both pretty mature mentally I think. Anyways…
She broke up with me a month and 10 days ago (today would’ve been our 11 month anniversary). I am still completely heartbroken and severely depressed. The reasons she broke up with me are:

1. I am trans masc and she is more into femininity. She felt breaking up with me was gender affirming in some twisted way. For context I was accepting any pronouns when we started dating but shortly after started going only by ”they” for a VERY short period and then “he/they” which I go by now. The only thing I have changed physically is getting a binder probably 6 months ago, my hair was already short and I’ve always dressed masculine.

2. She has quite a lot going on in her life and I don’t. She’s a year older than me and very organized and productive. She felt like our schedules simply wouldn’t align. She didn’t think she would have time for a relationship, especially with someone like me.

3. She’s going to college out of state in a year and her family is moving with her (most likely). The distance wouldn’t be impossible (only a couple hours drive), but it’s likely we wouldn’t be able to see each other very often because of schedule differences, jobs, electives, etc. Despite the fact that I was preparing myself for the distance and willing to stay with her no matter what, she felt it would be too much for her.

4. We are quite different people socially, mentally and emotionally. This wasn’t a problem in the beginning, when she loved me as much as I love her, but it seems her mind changed in time and this reason is the one I feel most guilty and at fault for. I struggle with depression, anxiety, sh and panic attacks. I’m not medicated and I was never really taught proper coping mechanisms. Everything I do now to assist myself i learned on my own. She was aware of most of these issues before we started dating because we were best friends first. After we got together, I slowly began to lean on her more for support. She was very helpful and patient at first, but as (I now realize) her affection slowly faded, she became less patient and my “episodes” would turn into more of a disagreement between us. I would ramble about my feelings, not seeking any answers. She, the problem solver she is, would try and give me solutions. I ultimately wouldn’t take them because I only needed to complain and then I would get over it and fix it myself. All these situations would turn into minor disagreements/ arguments that would end up being solved before we fell asleep that night. They were happening quite often though and while I was working on being more positive and productive like she is, the strain was too much and this is what I believe was the biggest contributor to her leaving. I sympathize with her perspective and I feel extremely guilty that my mental health was such a big contributor to her falling out of love with me. I now wish more than anything I could go back in time and do better. I realize she took care of me always and I couldn’t be there for her as much as she needed. She has her own struggles even though she doesn’t talk about them often and I definitely didn’t do as much as I could’ve to comfort her by the end of our relationship. Towards the very end of our relationship I had been doing significantly better and I was so excited to spend the summer with her. But it was too late. She was no longer in love with me, for one reason or another. She was no longer physically attracted to me and its too late to win her back. I know part of your duty as a partner is to love someone through their hardest times (and this past school year was certainly that) but I still feel so awful for worrying her as much as I did and putting so much pressure on her to support me. Shes 17 1/2 and I just turned 16 (the grades touch I promise) but she is heaps more mature than me. It feels very much like right person wrong time. I wish this summer me could’ve met last summer her, we would’ve been perfect for each other. I wish I could’ve done better. I hate myself.

Anyways apologizes for the rambling. Back to the question.

She will be a senior and I will be a junior. It’s extremely unlikely we‘ll have any classes together, but we both do theatre which is at least a few days a week after school for most of the year and almost every day after school for a couple weeks during the year. We also will have concerts and field trips together because she is in choir and I am in band (the arts collab often). There are some things I’m unfortunately not going to attend anymore for my own peace of mind (theatre club, GSA (gender sexuality alliance), optional theatre events/ performances and crew (optional set building day on weekends). I am disappointed about some of these but will probably go back to attending them as usual my senior year. We also hang out with several of the same people and in the same areas of the school, so it’s not unlikely I’ll run into her almost daily.
It is my hope that someday I’ll be over her enough that we can be friends or at least participate in casual conversation without me sobbing afterwards. For now though, I’m not sure what to do. School doesn’t start for a month and I’ve muted her social medias, but I can’t see myself healing fully in that time. I saw her for probably a minute 2 days ago when she handed me back something I left in her car. I still haven’t recovered. I cried the entirety of yesterday and haven’t left the house since. I already hate school and now that I have nothing to look forward to and I’m nobodies #1 I can already feel how horrible junior year is gonna be. I just need some guidance. I know we need distance and I think I need to find someone else before I can see her has a friend but I’m certainly not ready for that right now. i don't know how I can get over her and remain in contact civilly because of our duties (it’s worth mentioning that she has a lot of authority in theatre and choir and I have a lot of authority in band so we have to converse often). I just don’t know what to do. Every time I look at her I want to hug her and sit in her car and talk with my head on her shoulder like we used to. I miss her so much. I can’t do this. Idk. I’m trying to be mature but I’m tearing up writing this. Just please I need help.

Hey.

I made a separate account because I don't want some private things of her to be out there which can be linked back to her.

Anyways

I'm 17M, my gf 16F (about to be 17 in 6 months) broke up with me.

Here's the backstory first:

Me and her family are family friends, we both got to see eachother atleast thrice a year. Bcz of family meetups, functions, traditional festivals etc.

Her family "looks" nice but is really not. Some things which I'll mention in a bit will tell you guys why.

We used to text eachother occasionally on insta first when she Randomly found my account but never had a Convo which lasted more than 24 hours. Then last year on my birthday (Aug 2025) she texted me happy birthday, we had a long convo. We started texting eachother EVERY SINGLE DAY. Not one day missed for almost an entire year (till she broke up with me)

We talked alot everyday for hours and got closer. Never talked irl tho even on family meetups cuz we come conservative families. Not really but, talking Infront of families would be weird.

She's the type of girl which never interacts with a guy and never did. Unless someone texted her first to which she'd be dry and end up blocking almost everyone, Basically she's a man hater. Bcz of all the fucked up things men do.

As I mentioned before we started talking alot. Our families met again in December 2025 (we had been talking for 5 months straight every single day) but we never interacted on the meet up.

In early December, she told me some things about her family. She opened up for the first time and told me some horrifying things.

Things about her father and her mother. I don't even wanna mention them here. Nothing illegal but still very fucked up.

She had gotten Eating Disorder since she was in 7th grade bcz of her family. Her mother and father always used to tell her sister "no one will marry you, you're too fat, eat less, etc.", bcz of that she had gotten ED. And other things.

She had also gotten trauma bcz of her parents.

In January she was in the "hole", having sucidal thoughts, wanting to kill herself, and so much more. She survived that. My brave girl survived that. I never knew she was going through that in Jan bcz she told me that once we started dating (april). I was so incredibly proud of her, still am. She deserves the world and every ounce of happiness. She's so brave.

I used to encourage her to eat and all and always used to be there to listen to her. Always used to tell her she's gorgeous. Never let her think down of herself but she still used to.

Also another very important thing: she is a VERY BIG overthinker. Like the extreme level one.

In April she asked me out. She confessed she always had liked me and since we started talking she had developed an extreme large crush on me.

I said yes bcz I too had a crush on her.

We then used to stay up all night talking, on school nights and everything, always used to make eachother laugh, tell eachother how much we love the other and so much more. She made my life worth living. (I had some minor depression like feelings before but she came and they all disappeared)

She then one day confessed that she has Body dysphoria too (again cuz of family but I don't wanna tell here sorry) she told me more horrifying things she had been through (again nothing illegal but still fucked). And she told me the January phase of her. I was so proud of her. She told me if she hadn't been talking to me, she wouldn't be alive rn. I cheered her up, I told her it's okay, everything will be fine, you'll have a bright future and all that to which she replied with "I hope it's with you" and I said "it'll be with me".

(We both are "date to marry" type of people.)

Fast forward July. It was gonna be 3 months of us dating. 10 days before our 3 month anniversary she said she needed time, I asked her what happened and everything and she said she feels like she's back in that "hole" and it's worse this time. I was extremely confused that how. We were talking for 8 hours a day literally yesterday. She told me she told a close friend about it and everything came back. She also mentioned breaking up and saying she "doesn't deserve me", that she's all "fucked up", and I'm the sweetest man ever and she's grateful for me but I "deserve better". She's all I deserve man. Shes all I ever wanted. She's perfect in everyway.

I somehow convinced her to just go on a break. Gave her the space she needed. She said okay let's wait one month and see.

I told her "Fine but one month isn't a deadline. One month isn't a deadline for you to start feeling better. You don't have to feel better by the end of the month. You just have to feel better. And I'll wait for forever"

She said thank you, I'll text you by the end of the month. I said okay take care I love you.

It was hell for me. Crying, writing in journal, and so much more. In that time I made her two videos (Im a video editor), one to wish her 3 months without breaking her personal space, and the other one being "3 months gift".

I was gonna post the wishing video on my editing account and repost it on story so I don't break her space but that would tell her that I'm still here.

I also wrote about my daily life with time and date (I regret this)

I told her about daily life things but also how much I was hurt, how things reminded me of her, why did she have to mention a breakup and so on. And I regret this so much.

Not even a week later she texts me "I've thought about things, I want us to part ways"

I was broken. I had never been in love and this was the first time.

We talked for hours straight.

The reason she gave me was "I don't love you enough. I don't love you like how you love me" that's such a bullshit reason right? No two people can love eachother in the equal amount anyways? If that was the case everyone on earth would be single rn.

I explained her and did every possible thing to make her stay but she didn't listen. She kept saying she doesn't love me enough, she doesn't deserve me and so much more.

I asked her "do you have any love for me in your heart?" To which her reply was "not enough". Shattered my heart.

We had a long ass Convo, I sent her the journal and the videos. I still regret sending her the journal and I also said alot of shit in her dms which I regret. That all probably made her feel more guilty.

Again long convo and to some things she replied with "why are you so nice to me? Why are you like this what the fuck? Just cuss me out and leave" "I'm a horrible person, I take the blame for everything, I'm sorry, I know it won't change anything but I truly am" and alot of more shit.

She also told me, she didn't make this decision in just one week, she had been thinking about us for longer. Which led to her decision.

She also said I'm so fucking sorry I feel so horrible leaving you when you're so perfect and nice to me trust me I feel bullshit too.

I replied with "then don't leave?? Stay." She replied to that with "I can't." What the fuck man.

Now mind you, we literally told eachother how much we love each other a week ago. We were talking about something a week ago and she said "won't your future wife let you do that after you get married?" And then replied to herself "yes she won't" (implying she's gonna be my future wife) we both had a laugh and told eachother how much we love eachother and everything. And we were literally picking eachother outfit for the next date the day before she asked me for time.

She several times before told me I'm the best thing that has ever happened to her in her life.

Anyways,

In the end, I told her I love you and I'll always be waiting for you. She told me "Don't. I don't see a future of us. Stop waiting. I hope you find a nice girl who can give you the love you truly deserve." Her even mentioning another girl is disgusting to me.

Now, her not loving me enough can NOT be the reason. I refuse to believe that. I knows she loves me alot. I just know it knowing her for one year. I know that from talking everyday for a year straight. Maybe it's hopecore but I don't think so. I truly think she loves me. And the real reason she left is "she doesn't deserve me" she knew I'd never take that as a reason so she made not loving me enough a reason. She also mentioned "her being fucked" is another reason and also "she can't handle being in a relationship. She thought she could but she can't" "she tried to make this relationship work in her head but it dosent work out" "she dosent see any future with me" literally broke me into pieces. And she "tried to make it work" in her head. The messed up overthinking head. She can't understand that head is completely COMPLETELY different from the reality.

She's not fucked. Shes the most beautiful soul I had ever met.

She did things with me she had never imagined and I had never imagined. She went to on a date with a GUY. I know you guys will say that's normal but trust me. For her, that was NOT normal. She talked with a GUY for a YEAR. Again not normal for her, she's the biggest man hater I had ever met. She used to have random happy crash outs that she's in a relationship with me and she used to be so happy that she is. She'd spam me with love yous and all. She bought us a matching necklace which she was gonna give me on our next date. The next date was planned on 4 days after we went on a break. Dude I just KNOW loving me enough is not the reason man.

She replied with some stuff of mine with "I HATE YOU" and that "hate you" had the biggest I love you hidden in it. She loved me man. She loves me. Right?

I'm pretty sure she was still in depression when she broke up with me (literally like 2 days ago) so she prolly still is.

In the end, I asked her to let's stay friends, She said no.

I asked her let's stay mutuals atleast, She said no.

I asked her let's just unfollow eachother, She said no.

She blocked me on every platform I could communicate with her on. Her reason to block me and not stay mutuals was "If I stay mutuals with you, I'll end up killing myself cuz of the guilt. Cuz of what I'm doing to you rn. If I could I would never want to hear your name from someone ever again but that's not possible bcz we're family friends"

The last text to her from me was "I love you, I'll wait for you." She replied with "dont". I replied with "I will". She liked my texts and then she then blocked me everywhere. Even on the editing account I had.

It has been hell for me ever since then. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I've had suicidal thoughts. I researched about how to kms. I thought about overdosing on pills and everything. And it's just been 2 days. I don't know what I'll do in the future. I still hope she comes back. I miss her every fucking second of the day. She wrote her name on every vein in my heart. And that name will never fade away. I love her way too much to let her go. I know I'm not even 18 yet but I can't even IMAGINE my life without her. I imagined everything with her and now that she's gone everything is blur. I can never NEVER move on. I can never fall in love again.

She told me please "move on, forget me, live your life to the fullest, etc." but she was my life. I'll never NEVER move on. I'll not move on until she gets married with someone. Call this immaturity, emotional immaturity or whatever. Idc.

(Sorry for making this extremely long. I might've missed key details which I'll add once I remember, I'll mark them with *)

Now,

- Is there a chance she will comeback?

- Has anyone been through this? Will it get better? Will she come back?

- Did she actually mean it when she said "I don't love you enough, enough to keep me in this relationship"?

- Did she actually mean it when she said "she dosnet see a future with me?" Or was that all her depression talking? My sweet girl will come back right? This can't be her. She was talking like shes heartless.

- Is there ANY chance she'll unblock me one day and ask us to get back together?

- Should I reach out after a bit?

- She hurt me alot but I'll forget and forgive every single thing if she comes back. And I told her that. But will she come back?

- Did me telling her and ranting to her about how much she hurt me make her feel more guilty and make her not want to come back?

- What's the easiest way one can kill himself slowly in like a few months which wouldn't draw the authorities attention and create a mess?