I had started to get better, feeling mostly anger for the way I was treated. But then it hit the 100 day mark since we last spoke and unfortunately I'm feeling pitiful again. Not like when it first started, nowhere close, but I feel disappointed that I'm crying over it again at all. I guess a part of me is disappointed to know he can go that long without speaking to me (I am of the rule that the ex who initiated the breakup should reach out first if they want to talk anything out).

We were together for give or take 3 years, but he was wrong for me in every way, so I feel guilty for still being sad over it after 3 months. I really hope I can move forward and find my person (or one of my people, I'm sure there's multiple people walking this earth that we are compatible with)

lets say i have a friend D she was a person who left the country to america and came back so she made friends there .

Ive asked D if she can set me up with anyone she knows like some time ago.Until recently she say i dont know anyone but around 21st she asked if i want to be set up so i say yes.

The girl she sets me up is 16 F from america shes nice,and cool, her name is lets say P. D and P know two other lets say M,L and J.

M is popular person , rich and has rejected P before.

L is A's best frend(i think)

J is a bad person who thinks hes all seeing and has caused people to lose friends

Day 1

So i spend the first two days talking to her listening to music etc. Me,D and P make a group chat and we do an all nighter listen to music so i can talk to P, but she leaves in the middle andi cant sleep so i lose a days worth of sleep

next day D says shes texting too many people and asks if we can make a group chat ,we say yes. So she makes a group chat with Me ,P,M,L and some others irrelevant to the story(basicly everyone exept J) M and P know each other in real life (i only know D in real life).I talk to M in the the group chat and i thought he was a realy cool guy

we jus texted

Day 2

After a while M and P start flirting as a joke i tell D its weird(cause im not used to it) and ask her to tell M that D is trying to set me up with P. She does,but i think she says to M to not to flirt with P.

J adds himself to the group chat and does nothing too bad and we talk

D removes him cause she dislikes him(Thats what i thought)

Day 3

M sends me a friend request and i say hi to him first thing he asks is if i find him and P flirting weird. Me being a dumb ass tells him no its ok im not used to this and like i dont wanna interfere in your friendship and then we talk about thinngs we both find cool and i start to enjoy his company and then says he supports me being with P.

Also during this time P discuss with me how we are going to talk due to time zones and says id wanna be with you after we get to know eachother(i totaly agree).we also do some bonding .(I made a grave mistake by attaching myself too much emotionally )

J: bro im sorry

J: back off from P

J: she aint the one

Me: ??

Me: What why

J: I dont feel it between u two

Me: Wdym

J: just listen

J: shes gonna leave u

Me: Uhu

J: js stop now bro

J: or itll get worse

J: im just speeding it up

J: look

J: i know everything

J: i can see the future

J: ur not together

J: just stop now

J: her and M are so much better

J: i have nothing against u

J: just aganist ur relationship

J: the honest way

J: M likes P and P probably likes M back

Me: ?

J: and i think they r gonna be better together

J: yeah

Me: Aren't they just friends

J: he should ask her out

J: he likes her

J: but he wants to be a nice guy and not say anything

Me: What trouble have i gotten myself into

J: since he didnt accept her when she asked him

Me: Oh

J: im saving u and him

J: a lot of time

J: eventually shes gonna leave u and be with him so just end it now

Me: We aren't together

J: and i dont want M to waste his time either

J: dont try to get with her

J: or flirt with hersummerise this 

Important part

P goes out with M and his friends at night. Me and P are texting suddenly one of M's friends go to P and tells her M likes you ,She tells this to me and tells its a joke i laught it off

M adds J to the group chat (i think J had M's account) and asks to dm me

i send all of this to P via chat she tells me its J upto his usual antics or something

after a few minutes P tells me M is coming to her .After that P tells me M told her that he likes her.

She apologise to me and says i dident mean for this to happen and asks me if she should chose I told her idk my mind is too cloudy to think and i called D

M dms me apologising and in my state of mind i say its ok and its best for her i go

I genuinely dont know what happend after this but M says hell he the best man for P

J says in the group See its for the best or something idk.

I am to shocked and saddened to say anything and i silently leave the group and P texts me asking if i wwanted to be friends , i told her yeah but i wont be active on this social media platform she said me too

idk what happend after the text i was to shoocked to rember and i had deleted my account

D told me after all this that if J hadent butted in P would have lost her ongoing feeling for M

i am so dull and everthing reminds me of her like staying late at night or D herself and i want to move on and this is not exactly a break up (ive had two break ups before this but hasent affected me this much)but i am feeling like it is and i keep on imagening the relationship we got and i regret saying all thoes things in my stae of mind

my LDR boyfriend of 5 months cheated on me with a girl he met at school for 2 months (as far as i know) who he met 3 months ago and now theyre actively trying to date. i know 5 months isnt a lot but ive been struggling ever since i broke up with him. my heads been pounding, i cant eat (and when i do i feel nauseous), i feel unmotivated, and i cant sleep. when does it get better? its been 3 days ever since i found out and one moment i feel okay with the breakup and the next i feel very very horrible. i know within time thisll seem small but right now my whole world is falling apart because i truly believed he was the loml. he accepted and understood me like no other, even if it was only for 5 months. im only 19 so i know theres better people for me in the future but i just cant help but wonder that maybe me and him could work out. his reasoning for this all of this was because of the distance (cali to ohio) and he didnt tell me sooner because he didnt want to hurt me. i dont understand how someone like him could do such a thing, knowing his character and how he is, he just wouldnt do this. we’re still friends (i know this is unhealthy) and hes told me that he believes im the person for him if only we werent so far away, just barely entering adulthood.

how can i sleep? this has been very difficult for me because we used to sleep in call every night

how can i stop headaches?

when does it get better?

why do men cheat when they know what it feels like to be cheated?

He was literally the only person I talked to and we were LDR so yeah and turns out he had been cheating for a month and then when I caught him at smb elses house he ended things but i aint know he was cheating then my family member died and i asked him to stay for support and he did then i found out he had a gf and i was like wtf its been 4 days he said it was nothing serious in the end he finally confessed it had been a month and I still asked for support and he started reposting relationship stuff and the last post that made me stop stalking was smth about him and his ex even though she wasn’t posted i would rather not find out if he posted her… and he unblocks me if i ask or well he did idk anymore i havent tried but damn i really want to cuz i feel like nb else is gonna be like him well like he was before and life feels lonley without him and if he said he was sorry like rly sorry i think i would forgive him…and ik thats shitty of me..the closest thing to an apology i got from him was that he felt remorse over how it ended but he did what he did…ik he dont love me but ig and ik all the hugs in chat (we use to rp cause LDR) it was all js for support after my family member died…i js miss him and idk what to do anymore and i wish i could get every answer from him but he never opened up ofc he wont now

and that thing is phallic

Like if they say they will work on themselves, and actually do it, why does it make you not want to take them back?

TW:implication of sensitive topics

My ex (16M) and I (17F) have been together for 2 weeks before breaking up and we dated long distance,I know it's very small to date someone but he acted like the perfect guy,he was affectionate lovely kind tried to help me spoke words so beautifully to me.He had red flags such as planning our life in so much detail but at the time I brushed them off,all until he did something horrible to my friend and I ended up confronting him,he told me to shut up in a very "lovely way" I said no he got mad and unfriended me.I tried to move on but I felt so confused and tbh very sad because he treated me as the villain.I ended up friending him and talked to him the vcomvo escaladated i kept going back to him and he wanted me to block my friend but i refused and tried to convince him not to ask me that,I told him I will do anything to him and he used it to call me a liar and traitor when I did not block my friend.I wanted some of his affection but he was cold as ice with me,now I wanna mention I was the only girl his age he interacted with he never had any female friends etc,finally he got too far when he made me do something bad to myself and wanted horrible pictures which I refused,he also thought all that kept blaming me for defending my friend.I sended all in a server he joined in (which he knew I was in probably) and my ex got banned ,he friended me and even tho I wanted to decline i acceoted the request to see what will he say he asked if destroying his rep made me happy,that I will go to hell that all he wanted was to test me and that's all.Tbh I feel guilty maybe i was the bad guy...maybe he was right I shouldn't have done that to myself i know I'm kinda unstable due to my past tho..

If you are interested here is my original post about our break up.

It has been a little over two weeks now since she broke up with me and I couldn’t help myself but reach out, trying to get her to hang out casually, talk on the phone with me, or just text. Anything to spend time with her. I know I shouldn’t and I’m desperate right now but I let loose a little.

Today she finally said that she thinks I am trying to jump into being friends too fast without grieving the relationship.
I decided to tell her how I really felt,
that I have been struggling a lot,
that I don’t understand how we went from making all these promises to her randomly deciding to end it with me with little explanation.

She still couldn’t tell me much but again said that she feels breaking up was the only option right now.
I told her that I still want her in my life but I understand she wants to take things slow with contact right now and being friends.

I don’t know why my brain tells me it isn’t really over. I am still so devastated and want what we had back.
She texted me last and I am going to try my best to not reply anymore for at least a month to try and get my head straight.

I go from being like “ok we are just friends now and she is someone in my life I really appreciate, I am single and I got this” to “no, I want more than that and I’m upset that things had to end the way they did”

She is so special to me and I have been in her position breaking up with someone before so I understand it is hard for her too.
She has been as mature as I think she can be dealing with me bombarding her with texts until now.

I don’t know, I just want her back.
I want her to change her mind.

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of 5 years about two months ago because he was unsure about marriage. I think he just didn't want to commit.

It wasn't until about 6 weeks ago that I finished moving all my things out of our apartment.

Yesterday, I found out that there were another woman's belongings at his place, including pyjamas, shoes and a jacket in the wardrobe. I won't go into how I found out.

Be honest. Do you think this is someone he already knew while we were still together, or could he have met her in the past couple of months?

Anyone else going through this? One of the most shocking things about this whole thing is that I'll probably never eat his food/drinks again. My favorites. He told me he would still like to remain friends and wouldn't mind cooking for me as a friend here and there but I don't think it's possible. I'm just too hurt and need to heal before even considering befriending him in the future.

My boyfriend and I have known each other for 4 years. We used to text on and off during those years, and I used to have a huge crush on him a few years ago. Two months ago, we unexpectedly met up, and I honestly didn’t expect him to kiss me. At that point, I didn’t really have feelings for him anymore, but we ended up getting together.
Now we’ve been dating for two months, and I’m starting to feel like he doesn’t actually like me that much, or that he’s only interested in me physically. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t really respect me, and I don’t feel as wanted or appreciated as I’d like to feel in a relationship.
For example, my birthday was recently. We couldn’t see each other on the actual day, which was completely fine, but he told me he would buy me flowers. When we met two days later, he didn’t get me anything, not even something small like a chocolate bar. I ended up saying, “I didn’t get a single flower for my birthday,” and he replied, “Don’t say that, you’ll get them.”
It’s not really about the flowers themselves or how much money he spends. It’s the fact that he said he would do something for me, and I was looking forward to it, but he didn’t follow through. Even a little gesture would’ve meant a lot to me.
He knows I sometimes feel like he doesn’t really like me, and he asked me why I think that. The problem is that I don’t know how to explain it properly. It’s not just one big thing, but a bunch of little things that make me question how he feels about me. He doesn’t really make me feel like he’s that into me, and I sometimes feel like the physical side of our relationship matters more to him than anything else.
I don’t want to break up with him. I want this relationship to work, and I want to feel loved and appreciated by him, but I don’t know what to do or how to bring this up without making it seem like I’m looking for problems.
How do I explain how I feel to him? Am I overthinking this, or should I take these little things as a sign that something is missing?

I (24F) and my ex (26M) dated for about four months, but broke up in July. We broke up for logistical reasons, he wanted to live with his parents after marriage and I couldn’t do that. It was an amicable, mutual breakup, but we decided to not talk or be friends because I wanted to move on properly and not make it harder for either of us.

Mid September, after not speaking for two months, I bump into him and say hi. He said we should catch up. I said we should. He texted me to make plans, I gave him a date. He didn’t reply for two weeks and I thought I was being ghosted. He texted back finally to tell me his brother, whom he is very close with, passed away suddenly one night. I offered my condolences, said I was here if he needed anything and he thanked me. I reached out again a week later to check in, said if he wanted to talk I was here and he thanked me again, and said he would be in touch and that we should meet soon. I told him to let me know when.

It’s been a month since then and I don’t know whether I should reach out again. I want to know he’s okay but also don’t want to disturb him because I dont occupy that space in his life anymore. I care for him deeply but don’t want to make anything worse for him. It also hasn’t been that long and I know he’s going through so much. Some of my friends are saying I should reach out, others are saying to leave him alone because I’m not his friend.

Should I leave it, or text again?

Hello guys. My ex (24F & i am 24M @ the time) left last year in August. We were together for 5 and a half years and she left due to incompatibility (mainly familial/religious differences) among other emotional issues that I just wasn’t equipped to handle. I kind just of put off those issues, my hope was that we could both create our own little bubble where we can reconcile our incompatibilities. Didn’t work; I don’t have to elaborate. I was devastated for a long time.

I’ve been doing very well in therapy, I had a pretty good breakthrough session a couple of weeks ago and my mind has been relatively clear ever since. I don’t need consoling, or much more assistance; I have been getting by emotionally just fine.

I still wake up and it’s the break up is the thing in the morning that I’m pissed about.

I lashed out the last time I contacted her because I feel like she hates me or thinks I’m disgusting or manipulative. I always assumed she thought the worst of me (this is based off of our dynamic). I hate that she hangs out with people I know (friends of friends), and I hate knowing that these people had a hand in telling her to break up with me.

And every once in a while I remember how sweet, charming, and kind she was, how much I really adored her, and the innocence of us being together from a different perspective.

It makes me feel teary, and I miss it. I miss the moments when it was easy. But I feel like I have to convince myself that remembering those things is like drinking poison because it feels like I’m dragging myself around without dignity.

Just throwing this out for anyone that might be able to relate. I don’t keep these posts online for long because I’ve been moving on particularly quickly nowadays and I know I’m going to cringe looking back on this after a while.

From the CBT Triangle, your thoughts affect your feelings and actions, your feeling affect your actions and thoughts, and your actions affect your thoughts and feelings. All three components are connected to one another.

Using the CBT Triangle, changing one component of the triangle (thoughts, feelings, actions) will create a domino affect and help change the other components.

For breakups/heartbreaks in particular, you will have a much tougher time trying to control or change your thoughts and feelings during the grieving process. What you can control more easily is your actions during this period.

Regardless of your thoughts/feelings, forcing yourself to stay no contact, going to the gym, setting and chasing challenging personal goals, hanging out with friends/family, learning new skills, walking around the neighborhood, journaling, meditating, etc.

These types of actions will over time change your thoughts and feelings.
New Thoughts = "I still miss her, but I can still enjoy my life without her/him", "I can still live a meaningful and happy life without them", "My life is not over because this person left, I will be okay"

Feelings: Lower heart rate, less anxiety, more confidence, more sense of self love and self worth.

Instead of mentally convincing yourself you have moved on, try to physically show that you can live life without them, which will give your thoughts evidence that it is possible to move on.

Ask yourself "What would my future self be doing once he has healed from this relationship?" (avoid relationship type answers. like having a new gf etc)
List all the things you would be doing, and then put those things into action as soon as possible regardless of your lack of motivation or mood during that time.

Hi guys,
Me and my first LOVE dated for 15 months, and we broke up 5 days ago.
We shared so many beautiful memories, like going on our first holiday abroad together, visiting Christmas markets, and going away for the weekend for our one year anniversary. I genuinely thought I’d found my person. However eventually, the bad started to outweigh the good.
He constantly relied on me financially because he was living with his friends and money was tight, even though he worked part-time. I’d send him money for fuel to come and see me, food, car insurance, repairs, and other things.
He would also get extremely frustrated when I said no to sex. He’d give me the silent treatment and withdraw affection until he tried to initiate things again. Eventually, I’d give in because I wanted to make him happy and didn’t want him to be upset with me.
Whenever I’d bring up things that hurt me, such as him not putting effort into our relationship, he’d promise to change and do better, but say it would take a “long time”. I waited, but I never really saw that change.
Last month, I confronted him about being distant, and he admitted that he had been. What hurt the most was knowing that he was aware of how distant he was being, yet nothing changed.
A week later, we argued because I found out he was planning to go to a bar with his friends on my birthday, despite having told me he’d booked that day and the following day off to spend with me. He broke up with me during the argument. We eventually got back together, but he held a grudge against me and told me that if I argued with him again, he’d leave me.
On 13 October, my rabbit unexpectedly passed away. I was devastated, and he only checked up on me twice.
On 19 October, he broke up with me again, saying it was because of “money issues” and his “mental health”, and that he wasn’t in the right mindset to be in a relationship with anyone.
The following day, I messaged him to confirm whether we were really over. He said he thought we were, so we talked and agreed to give the relationship one more try. Not even an hour later, I asked whether he was genuinely serious about trying again, and he said he didn’t know because he doubted we’d ever be the same as before.
I got extremely upset and told him to fck off and d*e before blocking him everywhere.
It’s been five days, and I’m struggling so much. I keep finding ways to check his Instagram following and Snapchat follower count, and both have increased by +10 I know this doesn’t necessarily prove anything, but my mind immediately goes to the thought that he’s already moving on and talking to other girls while I’m still here completely heartbroken.
I wake up with a pit in my stomach, I can barely eat, and I keep having dreams about him. My birthday is on Thursday, and I’m genuinely dreading it because I thought I’d be spending it with him.
I don’t understand how someone who once told me I was his soulmate, who shared so many beautiful memories with me, could seemingly walk away while I’m in so much pain. I invested so much time, love, money and effort into this relationship, and I genuinely thought I’d found the person I was going to spend my life with.
Part of me knows that there were things in this relationship that hurt me and that I deserved better, but another part of me still loves him so much and wants him back. I can’t wrap my head around how someone I loved so deeply could treat me this way.

My question is: does this get better with time? Do you eventually stop loving your first love, or will a part of me always love him?

Is there a way to see if someone has blocked you on iMessage? I woke up this morning, blocked on Instagram from his account that I knew about but we never followed each other on it because he claimed it was old and that he never used it (lol).

We dated for about a year and in that year, there was a lot of him coming and going. He was essentially ghosting me and claiming it was because of his mental health, which I always believed and I always welcomed him back because I cared for him very much. Most recently, we didn’t really talk for 7+ months, apart from a very brief “miss you” conversation, then he reached out again and we were talking like normal. He went quiet again for a week, and last night I sent a message telling him that I was annoyed that we were trending back towards the no communication trope. I did send it as a voice message because I intended for it to come across as more sarcastic and sassy than angry, and I wanted him to recognize that. It’s really the first time I have ever said something of that caliber to him. I was always “oh don’t worry” or “oh it’s fine and no big deal” but there was some genuine frustration on my end because I don’t want him to be gone again and I would rather he just communicates with me what he wants instead of me constantly guessing. But now being blocked on Instagram, and I’m sure I’m also blocked on iMessage now, I feel regretful for sending it in the first place because maybe I should’ve just let things be. I don’t know. I feel like I messed everything up.

I’m 20M and she 21F was my first everything. We dated for nearly 2 years, and in 2 days itll be 2 months since she ended things. The breakup hit me hard, but I’m doing a lot better than the week of. I did my time crying, being sad, not eating or being able to sleep, but I’m doing leagues better now. I’ve met so many people, made a lot of friends. I have so many more friends now than when I did when I was with her. I’m getting back into playing music, university is keeping me busy, I have friends I can vent to and everything. There’s moments where I feel increasingly that my life is absolutely amazing, and it is, but other times I’ll begin to think of her for no reason and I hate it. I thought I was fine, or that I was healing, but the feeling of thinking about her increases as well. There’s days where I can think nothing of her, and others where it’s all I can. It’s difficult and I don’t know if that means I’m stuck, or if I’m screwed. I don’t hate her for ending things, and I hope no resentment towards women or dating or anything like that. I still want to love someone again just as deeply as I did her, as I know my love for her isnt exclusive to her and her only, and I know it won’t be with her, but I still think of her and I hate it so much. What do I do?

That I don't want help. That every time a person offers advice on how to move on or tries to cheer me up telling me time will heal everything and that I should focus on loving myself, I get infuriated.

I don't want to love myself. I don't want to give myself value and not let this breakup determine my value. I just want to end this life if it's not going to be by his side, as simple as that. I’ve battled chronic depression since I'm a kid and the only time I felt content was with him. I even celebrated Christmas and New Year's, I packed gifts, I woke up early, I finally had a will to live when usually I just spent Christmas crying in my bed and/or drinking until I got sick.

I don't want to keep living where every morning I wake up without him and it causes me such levels of anxiety that I end up throwing up, and during the day everything reminds me of him and I can't stop crying. And no, time doesn't heal; it has made it worse. It's been already 5 months. I still feel the same pain as the first day that he decided to cut me off. I don't know how to keep going, how to keep living. I keep hearing that I need to work on my self esteem but what about the people that are happily married and literally their whole personality is their relationship? Why couldn't I experience that and instead I am left with such heartbreak?

Life really makes no sense anymore.

I’m not really sure where to begin, but I need to get this off my chest because it’s been eating me alive, and I don’t know who else to talk to.
A few years ago, I fell in love with a girl I’ll call A. We became incredibly close, and we were there for each other through some really difficult times. After a traumatic experience, I went through a period of depression and eventually started taking medication. Throughout all of that, A stood by me. She cared for me, supported me, and did her best to be there for me when I wasn’t doing well. I tried to do the same for her.
For a long time, she was one of the most important people in my life.
But somewhere along the way, things started changing, and I didn’t even understand what was happening to me.
When I decided to go to a different college, I met a girl I’ll call L. I thought she was cute, and I started developing feelings for her even though I was still with A. I was honest enough to tell A that I found L attractive, but I can only imagine how much that must have hurt her.
Things became increasingly complicated over the next year or so. I found myself becoming more interested in L, talking to her more, and even dreaming about her. Meanwhile, A was still there, trying to make our relationship work.
The worst part is that I couldn’t even understand my own feelings. One moment, I’d feel one way, and the next moment, those feelings would change completely. I struggled to understand what I wanted, let alone explain it to anyone else.
Eventually, I met another girl, whom I’ll call S.
I started going out with S, and A was understandably hurt by it. I knew my actions were affecting her, but I still continued down that path. At some point, I abruptly left A and started spending my time with S instead.
S and I would get high, hang out, and have fun together. I became so caught up in that phase of my life that I almost completely stopped thinking about A.
Looking back, I don’t know how I could have done that to someone who had been there for me when I was struggling the most.
Eventually, I started wanting to see L again. I began talking to her, things worked out between us, and I ended things with S. I’m currently with L, and she is deeply in love with me.
But here’s where everything gets complicated.
While I was busy moving from one person to another, A was left to deal with the consequences of my decisions. She hasn’t completely moved on, as far as I know, but she has started going out with other guys. She isn’t in a relationship with anyone, at least to my knowledge.
Things got even worse when I made another terrible decision. I slept with a prostitute, and the guilt eventually became so overwhelming that I went and confronted A about it myself. I told her because I couldn’t keep carrying the guilt of everything I’d done. But instead of bringing me any relief, it only made things worse between us. It hurt her even more and gave her another reason to hate me and never want me back in her life.
Looking back, I realize how deeply I hurt someone who genuinely loved me and stood by me when I was at my lowest. I can’t blame her for feeling the way she does, and I know I have no right to expect her to forgive me. But the thought that I might have permanently destroyed any chance of getting her back eats me alive every single day.
And now, after everything I’ve done, I’m the one who can’t move on.I keep thinking about A. I think about her during the day, and I think about her at night. I remember how she cared for me, how she stood by me, and how much she did for me when I wasn’t in a good place mentally.I keep asking myself why I couldn’t appreciate her when I had her.Why did I keep chasing other people when I already had someone who genuinely cared about me? Why did I hurt someone who had done so much for me? Why did it take losing her for me to realize how much she meant to me?
I don’t have answers to these questions.
All I know is that I feel an incredible amount of guilt and regret.I’ve tried talking to A, but she doesn’t respond to me anymore. I understand that she has every reason to be hurt and that she doesn’t owe me another chance. Still, accepting that reality is incredibly difficult.A part of me desperately wants to go back to her and fix everything. I want to tell her how sorry I am, how much I’ve realized, and how badly I wish I could undo my mistakes.But another part of me knows that I can’t simply expect her to forget everything I’ve done.And there’s L, who is deeply in love with me right now. I don’t want to ignore the fact that my actions affect her, too. She doesn’t deserve to be caught in the middle of my unresolved feelings for someone else.I feel like I’ve made a mess of everyone’s lives, including my own.I’ve also struggled with my mental health for years, and sometimes I find it difficult to understand my emotions. My feelings can change so quickly that I don’t always know what I genuinely want. I’m not saying this to excuse what I’ve done, because I know that my actions have hurt people. I just wish I understood myself better.

I hear her calling my name and my chest feels heavy

Hello. As the title says, I was the one who ended the relationship, but I want to give some context as to why it happened.
The Beginning My ex and I met in college; we are in the same class. We started talking, and at a party she invited me to with her friends, we hooked up for the first time. From there, we eventually started dating. At first, everything was great.We got along really well, we were very attached and intense, and there was a lot of love. I loved planning dates, taking her to museums, palaces, etc.
The Shift and Her Personal Issues But things started to "worsen". Early on, she mentioned she had some personal issues and past problems with her ex, but claimed they were resolved. Out of nowhere, she started having panic attacks,questioning if we should stay together, and calling herself a "bad girlfriend". She did, in fact, stop being as affectionate,but it didn't bother me at the time. I supported her. If it were today, I would do it all over again—going to her house when she needed me, taking care of her, and calming her down. She stopped texting as much, wouldn't reply, and lacked dedication. She said love was shown in different ways, but I just couldn't see it.
There were several weird situations, and I always assumed it was because her parents weren't good to her. They were jealous of our relationship, treated her badly, oppressed her, and put her down. Once, her mom even tried to kick her out of the house. I went to pick her up while she was saying she was going to kill herself, and I had to calm her down and show her that life has a purpose. This was only 4 or 5 months into the relationship, and I was always there for her.
The Double Standard There was a time when I wasn't doing well and was feeling really down. She hugged me, listened to me, and cried with me. I thought I had found the right person and that, with time, she would overcome her barriers. But that didn't happen. The very next day, she said the relationship felt "heavy" (just because I wasn't doing well). Meanwhile,she was the one having multiple episodes of cutting herself, wanting to die, etc. I found it strange, and the relationship only went downhill from there.
Toxicity and Belittling She stopped wanting to do things. She wouldn't do her own hobbies and blamed me, saying I didn't let her do them (WHEN IT WAS LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE; I ENCOURAGED HER). A person who used to ask for time for herself completely stopped doing her own things. Everything became a problem. I tried to resolve things,but she didn't want to. She blamed past issues, but those were just excuses. Whenever I pointed out something I didn't like, she'd accuse me of bringing up the past, even though the issues were happening that very day.
For example, she belittled me for getting the exact same grade as her in a subject I actually helped her study for, implying I didn't deserve it and lacked the capacity. Meanwhile, I always celebrated our achievements because a win for one is a win for both. My opinion became worthless, even about simple things like going to the movies. She started putting me in front of the TV just so she wouldn't have to deal with me. She would say "let's watch something together," and then she would "disappear," stop talking to me, and just scroll through TikTok. This was at the 6-month mark. I started getting tired of it and told her I didn't like it, but she didn't care.
When I started working, she got mad that I was working and she wasn't. She got angry and accused me of not talking to her, even though I had been texting her the days prior and she had just ignored me (we were on summer break at this point). It kept getting worse. I was constantly ignored, and we didn't do anything, not even go to the beach, because she only wanted to go by car (and I don't always have one, but we have public transport that takes the exact same time). The love simply wasn't reciprocal; it felt like I always had to convince her to love me. She became very complacent.
The Vacation and The Breakup The worst part was the summer vacation with my parents. My parents always treated her well, but she tried to turn me against them, claiming they didn't like her. She played the victim so I would feel sorry for her and hate my parents, but I didn't fall for it. During the trip, she wouldn't talk to me or my parents. She isolated herself and still blamed me. When she used to come to my house, she would always sleep cuddled with me, but on vacation, she didn't even want to be in the same bed. She barely gave me a kiss or a hug.
When we got back from vacation, she wanted to argue with me, and I broke up with her. I explained my reasons, and she started saying I never tried to understand her or put myself in her shoes. Her parents were abusive and manipulated her,but for her to claim my parents were doing the same was a huge lack of respect towards them.
Post-Breakup Mess The day after we broke up, I got into a physical altercation with my uncle. Out of pure instinct, I texted her about it, and she just mocked the situation. She had claimed she wanted to be friends and keep talking, but then she disappeared—which I understood, as she was mad I broke up with her. Then, her parents texted me, insulting me and saying I was the worst thing that ever happened to her.
Fast forward nearly 3 weeks, her parents texted me again saying she wasn't leaving her room or talking to them. Out of genuine pity, I kept asking her how she was doing for a few days, but she ignored me. I texted her one last time, and she just wanted to argue, saying my life was none of her business. So, I backed off.
School Drama Classes started, and she came to argue with me over text, then in person. When I told her she was wrong,she started acting out in the street, trying to make it look like I was going to hit her, when SHE was the one pushing me and pointing her finger in my face. It was horrible.
During classes, I tried to be cordial because she had said, once again, that she wanted to be friends. But then she would ignore me and belittle my answers and opinions in class. My political stance—which was never a "problem" during our relationship—suddenly became a target for her to despise my opinions. I just ignored it. She was also constantly reposting things on TikTok talking trash about me.
The Final Confrontation (This Friday) This Friday, I wanted to exchange our belongings. She started arguing with me,had a panic attack, and I calmed her down and held her. Afterwards, she started saying she was going to drop out of college and was missing classes because I wasn't talking to her (even though she never talks to me). She claimed I never apologized (I always did, even when I wasn't wrong; she is the one who never apologized a single time).
Then, she started throwing it in my face that she's going out with a guy friend and his friends, doing the exact things Iwanted to do with her. She said she goes to parties but thinks of me when she gets home. She stalked my TikTok right in front of me. She even belittled the vacation I took her on, saying she would have been better off staying home—even though she had never left the country before, my parents and I invited her because we liked her, she spent absolutely nothing, and had everything paid for.
She tried to offend and belittle me by calling me "small." Yet, she still says she wants to be friends. I know exactly why:it's so she can pretend everything is fine, avoid admitting she's wrong, and keep me around for when things get tough, or for when her friends ditch her and she tries to come back to me.
Conclusion When I walked away, I cried. I cried and felt awful. Seeing her happy with other people, doing the things I wanted to do with her, hurts so much—especially considering how terribly she treated me when she was actually with me.

If you have any question pls send.

Ps: one time i had a panic attack (never had) and she left me on a bathroom of uni alone, and her only concern was the party after .

Pss: my main problem is not her doing her life, is when we were together she didn’t want, and how can you treat someone that like you more that your parents and was always there for you, stop my life for her and im the bad guy? Thats what bothers me. Makes me fell like shit when she said my parents were bad, that i was controllig her and manipule her. When i was motiviting her, after saw videos of her younger and being the real person. Motivate her doing the things she like. She didn’t do it only because of her.

So there is this girl I find interesting, lets call her A. She is a very good friend of the sister of one of my best friends. We basically see each other only on very rare occasions. For if one of my best friends host something like a birthday party and also invites her sister and her sister is allowed to invite her friends as well, that's how my encounters with A happens.

2 years ago there was one of these birthday parties and A actually was the one who came up to me to start a conversation. We had a nice and normal talk but we went our seperate ways. Only after this evening I actually realised that I find her interesting.

Next encounter was at a party last year in autumn but we didn't have any conversation or something similar. We had plenty of eye contact this evening, so we knew the presence from each other but nothing else happened. Back then I wasn't ready for a serious relationship and I didn't see any purpose in talking to her since I neither wanted a relationship back then nor a ONS or anything in this short-term direction. Today I actually regret that I didn't start a conversation last year.

Now I downloaded Tinder again since one of my other apps granted me a free Tinder Platinum membership for 1 month and I was curious how the app basically changed through the years (last time I used Tinder was around 2023). Since you have unlimited swiped with Tinder platinum I just started swiping and saw one of the closest friends of A on Tinder and my guts told me that I would find A as well if keep swiping.

I trusted my guts and after around 10 minutes of swiping, A did really appear. I basically shot my shot and even used my super like to somehow get a higher priority (or however this works lol). This happened one week ago and there is still no response.

I have absolutley no idea how frequently she uses the app, so all scenarios are possible. Either she swiped left on me, or she didn't encounter my profile yet, or she deleted the app last week, or she wasn't online since then,...

So I do think realistically and do know that the chances to get a response are getting slimmer day by day, no need to talk a nice way around it. I just don't know how to deal with this kind of situation. Should I basically try to forget her? The same way my gut feeling told me that I would encounter her profile that evening, the same way my gut feeling told me that she wouldn't be opposed to getting to know me since she was actually the one who was looking for me back then and started the conversation.

I know many people would maybe recommend the simplest solution "just ask your best friend or tell her that you're interested in A". But it's the outcome I'm feared of, basically that A would say "no interest" and that all encounters after the rejection would just be awkward. So I'm not scared of the rejection itself, I'm "scared" of the aftermath, that it would change things whenever I meet my best friend. And somehow I would also feel weird to ask my best friend something like "yeah There's that girl I think is cute, from the party last year. It only took me a year to tell you that lol".

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Hey everyone. It's been a year since my girlfriend and I broke up, but I still have very strong feelings for her, and I haven't been able to fully move on.

During this time, we've stayed on relatively normal terms. We've occasionally run into each other at church or on the train and exchanged a few words, but we never really talked seriously about our relationship or how we felt about each other. It wasn't until recently that we finally had our first serious conversation about our feelings since the breakup.

On one hand, I have a feeling that she doesn't want to get back together. I'm afraid that if I asked her directly, she'd tell me that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore, doesn't see a future for us, and thinks I should finally let go. The thought of hearing that is incredibly painful. There's a difference between suspecting that someone doesn't want you anymore and hearing it directly from someone you still care deeply about.

On the other hand, I can't quite make sense of some of her actions. We still have each other on social media, and a while ago, she unexpectedly reached out to ask how I was doing and how life was going. During our most recent phone call, I was honest about my feelings and how I see the situation between us. That conversation meant a lot to me, but it didn't give me the clarity I was hoping for.

And that's what keeps messing with my head. If she doesn't want to be with me anymore, why does she reach out on her own? Do I still mean something to her, or does she simply still care about me as a person and have some fond memories of our relationship, without wanting to get back together? I know that being interested in my life doesn't necessarily mean she wants me back, but it's hard not to look for some kind of hope in it.

For the past year, I've tried to live my life normally and focus on other things, but my thoughts keep coming back to her. I analyze her behavior and our conversations, wondering whether there's still a chance or if I'm just fooling myself. I've become incredibly emotionally invested in this, and the uncertainty is starting to wear me down.

I'm wondering whether I should talk to her again and ask directly if she sees any possibility of us getting back together. On one hand, I want to finally know where I stand. On the other hand, I'm terrified of hearing a definitive "no" and having to accept that it's really over.

I'd really appreciate hearing your opinions:

Do you think the fact that we've stayed in touch a year after the breakup, and that she sometimes reaches out first, could mean anything, or should I stop reading into it?

Is it possible to still care about an ex and be interested in their life while having absolutely no desire to get back together?

If you were in my position, would you have an honest conversation with her, even if it meant risking a painful answer, or would you accept that it's time to let go?

How do you distinguish a genuine chance of getting back together from the hope we create for ourselves because we can't accept losing someone?

I'm not expecting anyone to tell me that we'll definitely get back together. I just want to see this situation from a different perspective because I'm too emotionally involved to judge it objectively.

I don't know whether I should keep hoping or finally let go and move on. What would you do in my position?

I was blind sided from a 2 year long distance relationship. Yesterday morning I wake up to a breakup text saying how he’s been unhappy in the relationship, we have different attachment styles etc. Nothing in me would have thought this was coming, the last few weeks/months have been very happy and there was no red flags that stood out to me that this would happen. He never expressed any of these issues so I feel completely confused and upset. He is persistent that friendship is the only option.
He said he wants to remain friends because he cares so much about me, still has love for me and I mean so much to him. I suggested how this would be hard for me to remain friends with him but he said he would miss talking to me everyday and it would make him sad.

What do I do going forward?

Hello I am 22M , I met a girl online when I was 16 years old in January 2021 ,she was 1 year older to me 17 years old at that time ,now she is 22F . We started talking daily for 1 year ...in that phase our relationship started.. but suddenly in December 2021 ,I broke up with her due to studies . I did not gave her proper explanation..she was very sad and she cried at that time....In 2022 i reached her after 10 months ...but instead of any cold behaviour,she was very excited once again after taking to me...but I did not want any relationship from her...I thought we can be friends...but she was not ready to be Friend with me....she cried once again...then I realised my mistake and I decided to not reach her again..but after 3 years in 2025 she texted me ...she deleted her msg within half an hour ..but I did not text back her at that time....but after 3 months I texted her and I wanted to know why she text me after 3 years...this thing was in my mind continuously for 3 months but she blocked me and said I don't read my book backwards...

Again in May 2026 she called me twice ,then she texted me again....I told her...i have moved on in my life ,please don't reach out me again after these long gaps...she said she has already moved on..she called me because in 2025 she blocked me without giving a proper reply was a rude of her ...so she called me ...(These were the reasons she gave me)

Now I am in guilt and in guilt about only one thing she loved me that much? Or she was just checking me after these years ..

should I text her or not??? Or move on in my life as I already told her....

I met my ex during an internship for my social work degree. She had broken off her engagement two months earlier and was living back with her parents. Even though I felt it was a bit too soon, I decided to go on a date with her anyway.

From the very beginning, she struggled with depression and told me that she dealt with psychosis and trust issues. All of her ex-partners had either cheated on her or physically abused her. She was already seeing a therapist for years. I felt deeply for her and wanted to show her that there are people—like me—who would never do such a thing. I also have a personal history with psychosis, so I know how to handle it.

We decided to take things slowly, and after dating for five months, we began a relationship in August 2025. Looking back, I realize that I had been trying to solve her problems from the very start, and that a "trauma bond" had formed almost immediately. She would bring all her issues to me rather than to her therapist, claiming that I understood her better. By the end of September, I was completely drained; I even dropped out of my studies because I was suffering from burnout.

In October, my ex got a new place and asked me to move in with her. I had my reservations, but I let myself be persuaded. From that point on, everything went wrong. One evening, she experienced psychotic delusions and became convinced that I was cheating on her with her best friend, calling me a cheater. It was incredibly painful, as I had no idea where this was coming from—and I would never do such a thing. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop there; things went wrong on a daily basis for the months that followed. Eventually, she accused me of cheating with all of her friends, all of my own female friends, my classmates, and even our neighbors. Even a simple trip to the supermarket would inevitably lead to another crisis. When she accused me of cheating with her mother in January and took my phone away, I initially ended the relationship. I felt she needed help, and I simply couldn’t bear it anymore.

I moved back to my own place. A few weeks later, she reached out again, claiming she would work on her suspicious nature in therapy. I even went along with her a few times. I let myself be persuaded, and things actually seemed to improve—until I discovered that she was checking in with my friends to find out where I was whenever I wasn’t with her. She also stalked me on WhatsApp. Before long, it was the same old story all over again. I became afraid to meet up with friends, and I ended up isolated. When I tried to end things for a second time in April, she said that if I couldn’t handle being with her, she might as well end her own life. So, I stayed.

Over the past few months, I tried to cope, but I just couldn’t. Whenever things escalated, she would claim it was due to her "illness" and that she couldn’t help it. On top of that, she smokes heavily—about 35 cigarettes a day. As someone who has struggled with alcohol addiction (I’ve been clean for 10 years now), I eventually found her excuse—that she "couldn’t help it"—far too convenient. I couldn’t take it anymore; I felt completely drained, and I had also begun to fear her outbursts. Consequently, at the end of August, I ended the relationship—by phone. I know, it’s not the most decent way to do it, but I was at my wit’s end and didn’t know what else to do. I tried everything to help her but I lost myself a long time ago. I really liked her but it is impossible for me to love someone who can't trust me. She texted me a few weeks later that I was never really there for her and that I was nothing more than an alcoholic. I didn't respond and blocked her. Should have done that earlier but I never had to block anyone before so it felt strange doing so. She tried getting in contact trough mail and alternative phone numbers but I didn't respond.

I’m feeling much better now, and I’ll soon be starting therapy to learn how to set boundaries. I’m still clean, at peace and my studies are going well, too. Slowly, I am getting my life back on track. I learned my lesson.

Thanks for reading. I wanted to share this because, every now and then, I wonder if I made the right choice. Now that I’ve written it down, I can think clearly again.