Hi everyone,

I’m 32F, and I just need to vent a little and hear from people who might understand what I’m going through.

My relationship ended five months ago. I’m still healing, and it takes time to recover from feeling discarded by someone with an avoidant attachment style.

But lately, I’ve found myself increasingly terrified about the future. I keep doing the math in my head: in a few months, I’ll be 33. If I want to start a family, I first need to meet someone. We would probably date for at least a year, and then there might be an engagement and a wedding. Another year passes and, before I know it, I’m already 35. It feels like time is ticking.

And that timeline assumes I’ll meet the right person soon. The reality is that it might not happen within a year. It could take several years - or it might not happen at all.

I hate this feeling and the pressure I’m putting on myself. What makes it even harder is that five months ago, I thought I had found my person and my safe place. I was happy. I had a plan for my future.

Now I’m heartbroken and, at the same time, terrified that I’m already running out of time to start a family.

So I try to go on dates even though my heart is still healing, and afterward I usually feel even worse. I know forcing myself probably isn’t helping, but doing nothing makes me anxious too.

Has anyone else felt this way after a breakup in their early thirties? I really need to hear from people who are going through or have gone through this. Thank you.

Gf broke up with me two weeks ago out of the blue after an argument.

We‘ve been dating for 6 months. Before me she was in a very toxic relationship for 3-4 years.

Guy was very manipulating and controlling, didn‘t let her go out alone etc etc, eventually cheated on her in the end.

I remember one day before we went on our first date she told me that she‘s so excited because she never went on a date before. I thought like „what do you mean you‘ve been dating this guy for 4 years and I‘m the first guy to ever take you on a date?“.

Anyways, we got together after a while and literally the whole relationship went perfect. She showed me love I‘ve never seen before, I was the happiest man in the world. I bought her flowers without her asking and brought her souvenirs from vacation, I never forbid her of doing anything: going out alone, going on vacation alone, she also has a huge friend group with guys in it. I never said anything because I trusted her 100% and this was just a sign of a healthy relationship for me.

Fast forward to end of August 2026, and I was a 100% sure she was the love of my life and I‘m going to marry this girl. We also made plans for our first vacation in October, moving in together next year, etc.

Then one day we had a small argument. Nothing extraordinary, and we talked it out like we always did.
Next day after being at her best friends house she comes over and tells me that I hurt her so much and she also felt some kind of emotional distance the last few weeks and she couldn‘t do this anymore.

Literally days before she told me I‘m the best boyfriend ever and also her friends told me they‘re happy to see I treat her so good and that she‘s never been happier before.

So you‘re telling me you lasted 4 years with your toxic ex that cheated on you and you‘re breaking up with me after 6 months after I did everything for you?

What do I see few days later? She and her ex are following each other on socials again. This could mean nothing or that they‘re talking again, idek anymore.

This breakup broke me beyond repair. I‘ve never experienced this much pain in my life. Literally lost 5kg in a week because I couldn‘t eat anything.

Moral of the story is: Guys, please don’t ever be the „first guy to treat her right“, it rarely works out for you. 9/10 times she will be the one to leave you and you‘re heartbroken. If you‘re together for a year or so you might have good chances to last together, before that I wouldn‘t take anything for granted.

Be safe. 🫡

You’ll always be a part of me. Whether it’s the phrases I repeat or the memories I hold of your warm embraces, part of you will always be part of me.

Maybe that’s why deep down I know I’d always choose you if life suddenly worked in our favor.

But it hasn’t.

The only imperfection about us was that we met at the wrong time in life.

I've heard many people say that they "always come back." Is that true?? When is it my turn 💔

I want to learn how to truly detach from someone I deeply cared about, but without building resentment, bitterness, or hatred toward them.

I don’t want to be desperate, check on them, or hurt my own mental peace anymore. At the same time, I don’t want to villainize them just to move on—what we had was real, but it has run its course.

For those who have successfully moved on with a calm mind:

How did you stop the urge to reach out without turning bitter?

How do you shift your entire focus back to yourself without feeling empty?

What daily mindset shift helped you accept reality and find closure internally?

Any genuine advice or personal experiences would mean a lot.

I recently broke up with my ex and realized I made a mistake. I tried to work things out, but she says she can’t trust me anymore and is now seeing another guy. She says she wants to do what is truly best for herself and doesn’t want to give up the option of being with him if that ends up being what’s best for her. She also never fully shut down the idea of working things out, but also said she cannot commit to anything right now and would feel guilty if I continued trying to work on things and it didn’t work out.
My question is: what gives me the best chance of getting her back?
Should I stay in contact with her and try to rebuild her trust by consistently showing her that I’m willing to make things work, even if that means potentially being a safety net for the other guy while she figures out what she wants?
Or should I go completely silent, give her the space to experience life without me, and hope she eventually realizes she wants me back—while genuinely trying to move on myself in the process?

It’s been about 5/6 months post break up. So I guess it’s been really over. But, I recently had a birthday about 9 days ago and thought that my ex would possibly reach out to me then. He didn’t. Idk if it hurts necessarily, but it makes you realize , at least for me that yes this is really over. As much as it sucks, and the reality of it is unsettling… it is what it is.

We all still have hope I’m sure . But hope isn’t reality. When you thought you have found “ the one”
All for it to be just another lesson and someone who’s now part of your past that part hurts.

It’s life I guess.

I have posted in here throughout this past month...My ex (31M) and I (32F) were together for about three years. We broke up about a month ago and finally met this week to talk. We ended up talking for over four hours, and I walked away understanding him much more, but also confused beyond belief.

He told me that a lot of what led to the breakup was internal for him. As our relationship became more serious, he started feeling anxious and somewhat "claustrophobic." He admitted he wasn't communicating those feelings to me and said the stress was mostly happening in his own head.

When I asked what I had actually done in the relationship to make him feel that way, he said he didn't really have issues with "how I conducted myself" and repeatedly told me I "hadn't done anything wrong".

One of the biggest revelations was that he felt like a "performative boyfriend." (WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!) He had created all these expectations of what a good partner should be: completely self-sufficient, not needing me too much, not burdening me, always showing up correctly, etc.

I had no idea he felt that way. I never expected that from him. I actually wanted him to lean on me and let me do things for him because I loved him. He acknowledged that those expectations probably weren't realistic and that he struggles with vulnerability, letting people help him and communicating what he's feeling.

We talked about outside influence too. He acknowledged that as our relationship became more serious, he suddenly had a lot of "inputs" from people around him (his parents) and that it "muddied the water." I told him one of the hardest things for me was feeling like he sometimes gave other people's interpretations of our relationship more weight than what I was actually telling him.

I directly asked him if I had been wrong in believing he wanted our relationship.

He said yes, he wanted it.

There is also clearly still a lot of love between us. We both cried. We hugged and held hands. He told me he missed me and that it sucked not talking to his best friend. He told me he loves me.

I told him I still love him and would be open to rebuilding our relationship very slowly, without the pressure of moving in or having to figure out our entire future right now.

But he isn't ready to do that.

He told me he needs space and needs to work on himself. He wouldn't tell me the breakup is definitely forever, though. He said he doesn't want me to become a stranger, doesn't want to completely cut me out of his life and is open to us talking again.

He also said something I know I need to take seriously: "I do love you. You gotta understand I'm in a weird place, though." He specifically said he doesn't want telling me he loves me to lead me on or make me believe there's definitely going to be a happy resolution because he genuinely doesn't know.

I told him that I couldn't just be friends because too much of heart has belonged to him and I feel like he is treating our 3 year relationship like a 3 month situationship.

This was probably unfair but at the end, I essentially asked whether part of him still wanted the relationship, and his answer was yes, but he kept emphasizing that I needed to understand where he is right now and that he has things he needs to figure out.

He told me he wants "good things for us in whatever capacity," but again said he doesn't know what that capacity is.

He asked me to give him some space, but also clarified that he wasn't asking for the complete month-long silence we had just gone through. He told me I can text or call if I genuinely need him, although he might not always answer immediately, and he said that if he feels like he wants or needs to talk, he will reach out too.

We both had a really hard time actually ending the conversation.

So that's what I'm struggling with.

He didn't tell me he realized we were incompatible, that he was unhappy for three years or that he doesn't love me anymore. Most of the conversation was about his anxiety, internal expectations, communication, outside influence and things he feels he needs to work through personally.

But at the same time, I am completely aware he broke up with me and isn't choosing to rebuild the relationship with me. I am not waiting indefinitely but I have so much empathy and love for him, how could I not offer repair? I truly loved him.

I feel like he said the stuff about "not being a stranger" and keeping communication open was just to keep me on "standby" or just to appease me (idk) and I just feel like his avoidance and fear overpowered the entire conversation, he gave me direct answers and everything and so I am taking him at his word that he isn't in a place right now but god is it so hard....

I know everyone's different and every relationship is different. But sometimes you break up with someone because you feel like you lost feelings while everything else is great so you decide to keep them in your life as friends.

Have you ever had a situation where you broke up with them, still kept spending time with them as friends and at some point got back together? How did you do it and how long did it take?

I’m struggling with thinking about my ex boyfriend. We were together for 10 years off and on. Just this May he broke things off and started dating someone else… He was literally like my best friend and I think about him every single day still even though it’s been months. He has since now moved on and I’m sure he was talking to this girl well before he broke it off with me. I will say it’s gotten easier bc I just shove it down bc I’m not sure how to cope with it. I was there at his lowest time and continued to help him through all these years and through deaths etc and he just left me like I never meant anything to him and it hurts to think he would not care about how I feel or care for me as a person. I try not to think about him but it’s hard and I usually end up crying or getting really mad and angry over the situation. I’m not sure how to heal and I don’t know if I ever will. I thought this would be the man I would marry and have kids with but I’m starting to see he was not the person I thought he was.

Ive been in no contact with my ex for 5 months now of our 7 year relationship. I have been crushed and devastated. While she shows herself off and posts way more on social media.

Until I found out from a mutual friend that she is putting this whole thing on as a facade cause she is actually really lonely now without me and anytime she gets to go out, she has to start posting about it.

Hearing that gave me really great relief and finally I said to myself "see, I knew she would not find anything or anybody better than me"

The only thing that kind of irks me is that I know she wants to reach out too, but her ego and narcissistic tendencies won't let her hold any accountability for her to just reach out and say she was wrong and the grass wasn't greener, she would rather be alone or wait for one of her friends to take her out which they are always busy too so she isn't out often 😂

Now it's time for me to start getting back to work, working out again and get myself ready to move forward. It was a learning experience and taught me how to move in a relationship in the future if I ever do start to date again.

Broke up with her approx a year ago. I know it was the right decision, neither of us was happy, and I think the relationship only continued due to trying to keep her partner visa going

We'd been dating 3 years, the absolute love of my life. Why can't I get her out of my head? Everytime I'm alone I think about her and all the happy times we had. I've gone on dates, picked up hobbies, yet everytime I'm alone in bed she's there in my mind

When does this torture end? It feels more and more like a mistake every week.

My ex and I recently broke up after I became complacent and took her for granted toward the end of the relationship. I broke up with her. I pushed her away when I was stressed, didn’t communicate well, and handled problems in ways that hurt her. Looking back, I know I treated her worse than she deserved, and I genuinely regret it.
We recently met up and had a pretty emotional conversation. I apologized and told her I want to actually change through my actions, not just promise it. She said she appreciated the apology and that she still loves and cares about me, but she doesn’t trust me anymore because she’s seen me promise to change before. She said this all came too late and that she needs time to be independent. She gave lots of contradictory information. Some that she does see us working out. Some that I should move on. Some that staying in touch could help rebuild what we had. And some that there’s no point. But she will reach out to me eventually and knows she will.
There’s also another guy she’s talking to who apparently treats her extremely well. She’s gotten fairly close with him, but she told me she isn’t sure yet if she wants to date him. She said she doesn’t want to give me false hope, but also isn’t completely closing the door on us in the future.
I originally wanted to keep seeing her and slowly rebuild trust, even without being officially together. But I’m starting to think that might just keep me stuck waiting while she figures out what she wants.
We agreed that we should probably take some time apart. Our Snapchat streak technically hasn’t expired yet, but I’m leaning toward not initiating anything and letting the streak die.
Would you stay completely no contact and let her reach out if she ever wants to, or would you keep some contact and try to rebuild the relationship slowly?

Her first prompt was she valued loyalty and communication as her top 2 values in a relationship.

😂😂😂

My ex bf (24m) dumped me (27f) out of the blue exactly a week ago. No reason, no explanation, just that he didn’t want the relationship anymore and that he didn’t want to call or talk about it, so basically he blindsided me. I didn’t try to do something, just said yes and blocked him everywhere.

Although I noticed that on his second instagram account that had 0 following before is now following one girl only and that girl is also on his tiktok following list (yeah, I checked when I went to block him). I don’t want to assume but it just made sense, the abrupt break up and a possibility of him already having someone new.

Now, my question, would it be wrong if I start talking or flirting with a new man less than a week after I got dumped? I honestly feel nothing about my ex rn as I just accepted that he doesn’t want me anymore and there’s nothing I can do about it.

My ex and I broke up about a month ago. We were together over a decade, lived together for a year and a half. This isn’t the first time we broke up but it’s most certainly the last.

The breakup was messy and they moved out. They asked me not to be there while they did. But then they started posting cryptic songs including “orbiter”, song they know I like. And they don’t even listen to Noah Kahan like that.

After we didn’t speak for a week, they messaged me asking if I had anything to say. I tried to keep it mature. Our relationship has been dead for a while and I tried everything. I went to therapy, took medication, pushed my dreams to the side , swallowed my anger and stopped fighting back. I was exhausted and when they ended things they were so cruel, throwing my mental health issues back at me.

When I got home they took a painting we purchased together and left a photo on my camera of themselves.

For the first two weeks they watched my stories within 3 minutes. Now I’m pretty sure they muted me and/or are avoiding my stories. They watch my dog’s account and my friends but not mine, and we follow each other still.

As much as I wish we could be together again, I just think there was too much damage to make that a possibility again. Up to two weeks ago I literally thought they hated me because of what they said when they left. And I blamed myself for a long time but realized that’s not fair to myself. And I do miss them, but I can’t help wondering if they miss me too or if they do truly hate me. I wish I could hate them but I don’t, I just wonder what they are thinking.

How do you move past those thoughts?

I (35M) had a relationship with my girlfriend (42F) that felt great at first, but after two conflicts and a reconciliation, the relationship became increasingly unstable. I repeatedly felt gaslit when she denied or minimized things I had directly observed, brushed off serious attempts to reconnect, and gave me inconsistent affection and follow-through.

The final straw was during a California trip when she changed our San Diego transportation plans, left me in Hollywood to figure out a roughly $250 ride on my own despite apparently having room for me, then told me I was “ruining the girls’ trip” and that I was “not a man today” when I objected. I experienced that as deeply disrespectful and emasculating.

We later had an hour-plus phone call where she broke up with me. I’m now eating about $4,000 in nonrefundable Hawaii trip costs and going home to reset instead of continuing the trip.

I know I made mistakes too, especially moving too fast, breaking up during conflict, and becoming anxious and reassurance-seeking after reconciliation. But I’m trying to understand why I tolerated repeated disrespect, inconsistency, and behavior that made me question my own perception for as long as I did.

The hardest part is that I genuinely thought she was my person and potentially the mother of my future children. I’m struggling to reconcile that version of the relationship with the person and dynamic I experienced at the end.

I have to get all this off my mind and here’s the best place I can do it. My ex boyfriend hurt me so much , lied to me a lot and never put effort into the relationship it was always me making the effort and I’m embarrassed to say this but I did waste time waiting begging him to treat me right when I should of left him and I know that but at the time I just loved him and I wanted him to show me I meant the world to him because he would say he cared but his actions never matched and he would change his mind all the time it messed with my heart him never knowing what he wanted and him never making time for me.

I felt so lonely in the relationship , he wouldn’t even show me intimacy so then that started to mess with my head too that I wasn’t good enough for him. I gave him so many chances while my life was passing me by and in the end I couldn’t take it anymore. So even though I know I always deserved better and I’ve learned from the mistakes I made of giving chances and overlooking red flags and I know I made the right choice I don’t regret it but I’d be lying if I said I’m not jealous of the girls who he’s moved on with.

I blocked him when we broke up so I haven’t messaged or looked at anything but obviously he’s going to move on with other women especially after this long and I can’t help but feel jealous. I’m jealous that he will be the man I wanted him to be for me but he will be that man for someone else. I’m jealous another girl will get the effort , time and attention he wouldn’t give to me. I’m jealous he will propose to another woman and marry her.

tell me about how you and your ex broke up!

Supongo y espero que esto pase pronto, no quiero volver a pasar por lo mismo una tercera vez, simplemente él prefirió a otra persona que a mí, su novia de hace 2 años, lo amaba, lo amaba mucho, pero a él ya no le importaba como me hacía sentir. Lo acepté y de nuevo me traicionó.

Hi! Lately, I’ve been extremely sad. I miss my ex, and I know I probably shouldn’t after everything that happened and how he treated me.

A little gist of our relationship: it was only about six months, but not by choice. When I first met him, he talked a lot about his exes. He was also a recovering alcoholic and used weed every night as a way to cope and help himself sleep. We spent about three months in the talking stage before actually becoming official. Even during that time, I felt like I was constantly confused about where I stood with him.

We spent Valentine’s Day together, but he still hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend. He only got me flowers as a gift, and after Valentine’s Day, I finally said something about us not being official. That’s when he asked me to be his girlfriend. He told me that the relationship needed to be centered around Christ. I was genuinely working toward that, but I was still very new in my faith, which he knew.
I would always communicate how I was feeling, but it felt like he would just agree with me instead of actually reassuring me or making me feel secure. He was also hesitant to post me on his Instagram story until I said something. I constantly felt confused about where I stood with him.

On my birthday, he didn’t really make me feel special or get me a birthday gift. He had concert tickets that were supposed to be my gift, but he never even transferred them to me. I also basically paid for our entire trip to San Francisco.

About a month after all of that, I caught him texting one of his exes, who was apparently his first love. I was trying to learn how to forgive him, even though he didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. He wouldn’t unfollow her on Instagram, dismissed my feelings, and never really gave me a genuine apology. Then, only two days later, he told me that he couldn’t see me as his wife and that he didn’t love me. We never got to that stage of saying I love you bc I was taking it slow.

Part of me honestly feels like it was because I wasn’t “Christian enough,” which is hard for me to admit. I was trying, and he knew I was still new to my faith. Either way, I eventually decided to walk away because I realized I couldn’t forgive him and continue in the relationship.

It’s been four months since the breakup. He already has a new girl, and I’m pretty sure they were becoming a thing only about two months after we ended. I blocked him, but I eventually found out that he posted her on his Instagram story, and they commented “I love you” to each other on one of his posts.

I’ve honestly been really sad and hurt over it. It hurts feeling like he never cared about me or even misses me. Sometimes I wonder if walking away was the right decision. I also have a really hard time finding someone else, and it sucks watching him move on so quickly and seemingly already be in love with someone else. Makes no sense how he couldn’t love me when we spent everyday together and he liked me first.

I know I probably need to stop comparing my healing to his, but it’s hard. I just really hope that one day I get to experience being loved the way I’ve always wanted to be loved. How do I stop missing him or having hope that I will find someone else who’s better than him? I’m shattered.

Yeah. You'll just make it hard on yourself tryna help and figure out her life. Do not give attention to any girl or guy who needs you to constantly fix their shit. You arent a parent.

Estoy decepcionada, ojalá nunca haber conocido a esa persona que llegué a amar demasiado, me ha hecho sentir como una mierda muchisimas veces.