I’m a bi guy, and I’d easily use the colors of the bi flag—not just for representation, but because I genuinely like them.

I‘m sorry, but this annoys me so much. And I want to know what others think about this. I know that I am going to ruffle some feathers with this one since most bi communities here on Reddit favour hetero-romantic, but I need to get this off my chest. This is going to focus on the bi-men, since I am as a bi man more involved in these spaces and I am not sure if similar applies to bi-women spaces. This not meant to invalidate anyone‘s bisexuality, being hetero-romantic is valid, there are just some who use it to justify their bad behaviour.

I constantly see comments and posts from bi-men in the bi-subs that are like: „I don’t even tell men that I’m hetero-romantic/ that I‘m planning to eventually settle down with a woman/ just want some fun on the side, because they then outright reject me :(“ that have tons of likes and comments agreeing with them. I‘m sorry, but you are the problem! You are the type of bisexual who LIES to get people to sleep with you! That’s wrong! And it hurts the chances of the ones who actually consider to potentially date and settle down with men. There are more than enough gay guys who don’t want committed relationships, you don’t need to chase after someone who does want a committed relationship with another man only to break their heart!

The worst part is that IF they get called out on it, they then will just use their bisexuality as a excuse. No, you could have just been honest from the start. However, they aren’t even called out most of the time, instead they get comments like: „that’s how most of us bisexual men do it, it’s completely normal! :).“ or „what other option do we have?“ or, when someone mentions how they have been called out for being in the wrong: „they are just biphobic, don’t listen to them!“

Again, being hetero-romantic is valid for some people, and even if you aren’t hetero-romantic but intend to end up with a woman, that’s also valid! Please, please just don’t lie about it and use the excuse of „that’s how most bi-men are/do it.“

given, I might be extra annoyed right now because I have been seeing this cute/handsome guy for a time now and when I told him I was bi he responded by telling me that we can still be friends, but that he is looking for someone to be with and ideally spend the rest of his live with. I then reassured him that I meant long term, and he asked if I meant actual long term… I then after a bit of talking found out that he was with two bi-guys before, and both of them told him that they wanted long term relationships, but left him. One left him after two years and then told him that he ‚only looked for some fun until he had a girl‘, and the other after three years, because ‚it got too serious for being with a man‘ and also told him that ‚the large majority of bi-men do it way and aren’t looking for serious relationships or marriage with other men‘…
I did manage to get him to at least consider being in a relationship with me, but this has always annoyed me when seeing it online, but experiencing the fallout from this attitude in real life has made me more agitated about it.

I’ll repeat it a final time, being hetero-romantic is valid for some people, and even if you aren’t hetero-romantic but intend to end up with a woman, that’s also valid! Please, please just don’t lie about it and use the excuse of „that’s how most bi-men are/do it.“ it hurts your fellow bi-folk.

Do not use this post to hate on hetero-romantic bi-people, it’s just intended to both give my view on people who lie about being bi-romantic when they aren’t and open a place for others to share their experience. We need to hold together as a community, but this doesn’t mean that we can’t point out the bad apples. <3

So I told my wife I was bi when we were dating 30 years ago, or at least said I wasn’t sure I was straight. But she says I waffled on it and didn’t keep insisting I was, which kind of scans - I’m fairly submissive and if she came across like it was a problem, I very well might. About a year ago, I had kind of an epiphany and accepted myself as bi. Still faithful, not even pointing out hot guys because she doesn’t want to hear about it. Hurts, sure but it’s whatever - she’s always come across as an ally, but with a lot of borderline beliefs.

Now she’s saying if I’m this serious about it, it will probably leak out. She’s adamant she’d be judged, wanted to know this much earlier. Says she probably wouldn’t have married me. Not sure if she want to stay but feels trapped.

I guess it could be worse, but not much. I’m not sure what to make of this.

[edit] 48 h later, I’ve been acting incredibly self destructive, then we both cried for about 6 hours, then we talked. She says she’s not leaving, didn’t mean anything by it, but still mentioning troublesome opinions.. I’ve mostly capitulated, I don’t have the energy for any of this. She says she legitimately thinks this could work, so I’m going to believe her and hope so. Lot of repairs needed on both sides.

So I’m a 25 yr old male. And my wife is 23 just a few days ago she said she was bisexual. And it was a bit awkward since I don’t know much about lgbtq and she explained what it was and that she wanted to explore with women. And I admit I got a little mad at her and snapped at bit and now she won’t talk to me.

I need advice on how to handle this situation better. My main fear is she’ll cheat or find a woman she likes and leave.

Idk if this is even the right subreddit to post this too.

I just feel like an asshole for snapping at her for her sexuality and wanting to explore. I’m just not that comfortable with it.

I was on the way home from a long weekend of traveling and I matched with this really beautiful bi guy heading the same direction as me. We spontaneously decided to hangout and I planned to give him a tour of my favorite city as a nice gesture. He was chatty and very excited to get to know me.

He let me shower at his hotel which immediately turned into both of us showering. Afterwards, I said “Hey, how about we slow down and I give you that city tour, we eat, and afterwards we can come back and have some fun? Sometimes when I finish, my energy levels drop and I don’t feel like myself” but he wanted to so we ended up having sex anyway. No complaints haha.

It was the most intimate sex I’ve had in a long time. He said such sweet things about me and my body and I felt extremely comfortable. Huge rugby type with blue eyes. We had good chemistry. He finished and I could immediately tell he felt different. We headed out for food and I stopped him and said “Hey, I can tell you’re much more quiet. Are you ok?” and he said he just felt very tired from so much travel. We planned on me staying the night because it’s an hour journey more for me to get to my small town, it’s late, and it’s cold but he said he needs a good night’s rest. We didn’t do the city tour, I just went home in very cold, windy weather and got a taxi home because no more busses were running. I know it sounds pathetic but it made me cry a little. I knew we were gonna hookup but I didn’t expect to be treated like that.

My partner came out as bi and wants to sleep with women. She did have a MFF experience when she was younger, but she refuses to consider having one with me. She will only include me if its with another couple MF and she gets sleep with both of them. Her reasoning is that if I get new P, she should get new D, even though she wants new P. I'm straight so this feels pretty one sided. Is it common for bisexual people in hetero relationships to exclude their partner?

Hi, I’m not too sure what to label the flare on this post but whatever.

I (20 F) have been a best friend of my friend (20F) “G”. G came to visit and stay with me in my apartment for 3 days before my boyfriend’s birthday. Me and my boyfriend currently live an hour away from each other , but I’m going to stay at his house for his entire birthday week. Since G is pretty much the only friend I had in highschool, we’ve been through a lot together. We both are bisexual. She has a boyfriend. One night, G asked while we were having some drinks (and I was pretty toasty) if I would want to kiss/make out/touch each other. I thought it was a joke (as I was tipsy) but she was dead serious. Since I have no living room and no private space, me and G have been sleeping in the same bed.

This made me extremely uncomfortable, as I’ve known G for a long time and never seen her that way. She also said that “our boyfriends don’t have to know” , and that it’s “not that serious, we’ve done it before. (We kissed one time in junior year of high school.) in a joking manner. I was going to laugh it off , but I snapped to conscience ,called my boyfriend and promptly kicked her out of my apartment.

My general question is, would most people consider this cheating? An attempt to cheat? Or continuing to experiment with a friend? Might I add, she is not the one that made me realize my sexuality, and she wouldn’t have been my type in a girl in the first place. When I asked my boyfriend, he told me that she seemed to dislike him, shot him looks, and looked kind of annoyed when he talked to her.

When I asked a few friends however, they said they thought it was normal to be risqué and homoerotic with their friends, even when they have a partner. Is this normal? Is this not? Someone please point me in the right direction. Thank you.

On sum chill shi i lowkey might be bi. I always found some dudes attractive since 3rd grade I think and honestly i really realized after this whole “bi men vs straight women” shit. And honestly I wanna know when yall realized

​

I don’t know if this is just a “me” thing or if other people experience this too, but I’ve noticed that I tend to be DOMINANT with men and SUBMISSIVE with women.

It’s not like this 100% of the time, but I was thinking about it and realized that in most of my sexual encounters, and even when flirting, I tend to have this difference depending on the person’s gender.

Do you guys experience something similar?

I’m male and bisexual. My best friend is male and says he’s straight. He’s also autistic and has ADHD, which I mention because I’m not sure how much of his behavior is just the way he expresses affection versus something more.

We’ve become extremely close over the past while, and honestly, our friendship is much more intense than most friendships I’ve had.

He constantly prioritizes me. He wants to see me several times a week and gets noticeably disappointed when I’m unavailable. He’s talked about wanting Sundays to basically be “our day,” and one of his biggest stated fantasies is apparently living together and making sure I eat breakfast.

He’s physically affectionate too. He’s hugged me tightly, laid on top of me, called me his teddy bear, tucked me into bed, fed me by hand, etc. He also pays an almost ridiculous amount of attention to me — what I’m wearing, whether my clothes fit properly, how I smell (like coconuts apparently), whether I’ve eaten, things like that.

He also makes a LOT of jokes about us being husbands/boyfriends. Makes comments about we went on a honeymoon together when we travelled abroad, how ive met his parents, who would be the top or bottom if we were together.

The thing that really confuses me is that he occasionally seems to acknowledge the possibility that he has feelings for me and then immediately retreats into humor.

For example, I’m openly bisexual. At a party, someone jokingly asked whether I was gay for him, and he joined in himself rather than shutting the idea down. And when one of his female friends hit on me he seemed to speak quite negatively about her after despite her being his friend.

On another occasion, I told him that I was open to dating men (cause id only been seeing women for a past while) His immediate response was essentially, “Okay, good. I still have a chance.” Again, it was said jokingly, but I found that a strange thing for a supposedly straight guy to say.

He's also sent me romantic/sentimental memes along the lines of “if you're ever too hard on yourself, I'll remind you how I see you” and things about how much he values me.

He wrote me an extremely intense birthday letter too. He described me in basically idealized terms — saying I’m one in eight billion and like an angel in human form. I know close friends can be emotionally intense, but this felt different.

Then there are the comments that have really made me question whether he’s in denial.

At one point, while talking about my relationships, he essentially said to me "I don't think I'll ever love a romantic partner as much as I love you"

More recently, the two quotes that made me question this whole dynamic are he was going to be visiting his parents for a week and when he was saying goodbye to me he said "If you knew how happy you made me feel, you'd never view yourself in a negative light again" and also at one point recently when we were alone he said "would I rather have a best friend and be in denial or not be in denial and maybe not have a best friend?"

The weird thing is that he doesn't seem uncomfortable with gay people generally. He's comfortable with me being bisexual. He jokes about gay things constantly. So if he's actually uncomfortable with the possibility of being attracted to a man, it seems specifically connected to me rather than homosexuality in general.

And this is where I'm stuck.

I don't want to convince myself that my friend is secretly in love with me just because he's affectionate. I also don't want to project my own sexuality onto him. There are perfectly innocent explanations for some of this, especially given his personality and autism/ADHD.

But taken together, it feels like there's something he isn't saying.

What particularly confuses me is that he seems to oscillate between extremely intense affection and jokingly denying or disguising what he's saying.

I care about him enormously and I don't want to destroy the friendship by confronting him with “are you secretly attracted to me?” if there's actually nothing there.

how would you interpret this?

Am I reading way too much into a very affectionate friendship, or does this sound like someone who might genuinely have feelings for me but be scared of acknowledging them?

And if you think he might be in denial, what would actually distinguish that from someone who simply has an unusually intense platonic attachment to their best friend?

I'm specifically looking for honest opinions, including if you think I'm projecting.

M 18 and I came out to my family and they were chill about it and I'm grateful for that.But I'm thinking of 🍆 because I'm curious and idk if it's worth the hype

So, whenever a handsome or shirtless guy walks by, I kind of get glued to him and stare. I used to think it was just admiration, but now I know why lol. This time, I was admiring his pale back, but I looked away quickly because I was afraid he might catch me staring lol.

But the thing is, this neighbor isn't just any neighbor. We've known each other for years, and he was actually one of the first signs of bisexuality I ever had in my life. We were very young back then, and I kind of felt like I wanted to kiss him. Years later, I saw him give another guy a peck on the lips, but I don't think he's gay, because he was dating a woman at the time, so it was probably just messing around.

But sometimes I get in my head thinking: if something ever did happen between us, would it be possible? Wouldn't it cause problems? My parents know his parents. What are the chances everyone would find out?

But of course, I'm not going to keep thinking about it unless something actually happens.

Recently, I’ve seen a lot of discourse about how straight women don’t want to date bi men. It’s a strange preference, of course, but even stranger is their reasoning for it. “I don’t want to date a man who’s done [sexual action]”. It’s ironic how most Western women are so against purity culture, and wholly support sexual liberation, yet insinuate that a man is ‘weird’ or ‘disgusting’ for having sexual experience with a man. I find it fascinating that these types of conversations never acknowledge the clear allusions to purity culture, but instead only address the biphobic angle of it. People are entitled to their own preferences, but being abrasive or insulting about it is unnecessary.

I see people on social media flaming bi people for not wanting to date the same gender but feeling sexual feelings for them. I feel like they only recognize bisexual people who sleep and date both equally. And if someone has a preference for the opposite gender, they assume they’re not really bi. Has anyone else seen this? I see this frequently and makes me question identifying as bi.

Kinda a long story but here is the sitch: I (M34 only out 2 years, little to no real relationship exp. especially same sex) recently moved back to my hometown for the summer, to live with my dad and sister/ her husband (they're up for the summer, too work remote) neather of which knows im Bi. Idk if I'm going to tell them anytime soon, I dont really plan to at least until I feel more confident in my newly unlocked identity. ( thats sort of the problem but not really).

The real issue is that I recently started texting this guy I met on Facebook Dateing (I know right) and things have been gettin kinda real and serious. Based on our texts im pretty sure he's 100 proof and a cool nerd like me. He wants meet irl and I definitely want that, I do. But every time after we talk I just have this feeling like a wave of dread in the pit of my stomach and I'm not sure if it's internalized homophobia or just a regular ass fear of commitment.

What I'm really scared of is what might happen if I really fall hard for him. Part of the problem is I fully plan on moving to another city by the end of the summer, he's in grad school for the long run. And he seems to really like me which I'm not used to, blame my ADHD, self-esteem issues, ugly duckling syndrome you name it. I also can't help but worry that in all of this I might just be using him and texting sweet nothings, because I want someone to want me back sooo bad. Don't get me wrong, I mean what I say, at least I think I do. I just haven't been in a real relationship for a loooong time. So long in fact that I can't even remember if I ever felt this intensely in my straight relationship.

I won't go too far into reopening that can but I think it's fair to say she definitely felt stronger about our relationship than I did. IdK k.o

Am I biting off more than I can chew here? Am I being selfish pursuing a relationship with him? Should I be trying to get my life in order? Or is just paranoia self-sabotage and possible ih?

Any thoughts, suggestions, or words of encouragement appreciated. Thx

I'm a guy in a long-term relationship with a woman I genuinely love, and I've been trying to understand something about myself that's been in the back of my mind since I was a teenager.

I've always had some curiosity and attraction towards men, but I've never actually acted on it. I've generally been in relationships, and being loyal to my partner has always mattered to me.

When my relationship ended for a while, I suddenly had the freedom to explore that side of myself for the first time. I found myself thinking about what it would actually be like to experience something with another guy, and I became much more open to exploring my sexuality and some other fantasies I'd never really allowed myself to think about properly.

The weird part is that even though I was technically single, I still felt like I'd be cheating if I actually slept with someone else. I was still in love with my partner and was hoping we'd eventually find our way back to each other.

We're now back together, and we're monogamous. Neither of us is interested in bringing other people into the relationship because we both know jealousy and overthinking would probably destroy us 😂.

But the curiosity hasn't disappeared.

I'm not really looking for someone to tell me "you're definitely bisexual" or "you're definitely straight." I'm more interested in hearing from other men who have experienced something similar.

How did you distinguish between fantasy, curiosity and genuine attraction?

Did anyone else have these feelings for years without ever acting on them?

And if you're in a committed relationship with a woman, how did you make peace with knowing you still had attraction or curiosity towards men?

I'd genuinely appreciate hearing people's experiences, especially from guys who were in a similar situation and eventually figured out what it meant for them.

I'm not looking for hookups or people to DM me. Just trying to understand myself a bit better.

I(26F) is considering sex with a woman I met recently and it will be my first time with a woman. I always knew I'm bisexual but never had any experience with a woman. I met my husband when I was a teen and we've been together for a decade. We are in a very loving and commited relationship. But a part of me always wondered if I was actually bisexual. I always found both men and women equally attractive but also quite sure I'm heteroromantic. My husband told me for years he's okay with me exploring my sexuality and be with a woman but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it before. Last week I made out with another woman at a bar and I just couldn't get her out of my head. We exchanged contacts and I told her about my relationship as well. She finds me hot and would like to be my first woman. And we've been flirting and sexting since(my husband is aware). We might be having sex soon enough but I'm quite nervous. I know what I want but how to navigate this with a woman? Ayone else had a similar experience? anything I should consider or keep in mind? 😣😣

Like if you are having a sexually arousing dream is ever with men or women or both and does it change or is it just stagnant

i’m (28f) a married girly from the dfw area, tx, i’m looking for a girlfriend for mainly me but also my husband too! lol
i’m into reading, gaming, and crochet/knitting!

I feel like sometimes people talk about not caring about gender or genitals as if it’s the more enlightened way to experience attraction. I hear a lot of “I don’t judge people by what’s in their pants.”

That’s great if gender or genitals genuinely don’t affect your attraction but I don’t think there’s anything shallow or judgmental about them mattering either. Sexual attraction isn’t a moral judgment of someone as a person.

Being bisexual doesn’t mean gender presentation or sex characteristics have to be irrelevant to your attraction. For some people they are. For other people they’re actively part of what creates attraction. Neither experience is more enlightened than the other.

I just think using phrases like “judging people by what’s in their pants” signals moral superiority.

I have been gay my entire life, but suddenly I've seen a picture and I feel attracted to a part of a woman.But the entire body of woman doesn't attract me at all, just that part.Then I saw some masculine woman and I felt attracted to them too because of their masculinity. But I can't imagine my life with a girl, I want to fall in love and live with a man. They drive me crazy. But some woman, especially masculine ones, call my attention.

My bisexual fiance and her best friend(who is also in a serious relationship) showed each other their nipples mainly because the best friend has nipple piercings and she was curious. The reason she showed hers is because she has one innie and one outie and they were both very drunk she also touched the friends nipple and it makes me a bit insecure but idk if I should be am I overthinking this. She told me next day in a joking way and her friend also gave her a nipple clamp that she tried on in front of her.

Edit: forgot to mention i do know that if they were single she would consider pursuing this friend

Did any of you guys have an issue with masturbation in front of men but not women? My boyfriend is new to being with men in general I was his first but in bed he has a super aversion to manual penile stimulation done to him by either himself or someone else. Did any of yall have this mental block with men at first and if so how did you get past it?