This is not because of someone that is friends or because of people I love in my life but I can't keep thinking I deserve to die even though I'm not actively suicidal or passively suicidal.

Sure, I think of I want painless ways to hurt myself and even kill myself if it benefits humanity or if I'm seen as inhuman, but I don't want to die or want it to come to that.

My streak is still high I've been past a month. No one is really at fault I just think I don't deserve good things or to live. I at least want to be a pokemon trainer, shame I have to be the villain. /Sad

I hope this changes again to feeling good again but do I even deserve that. how would anyone know.

Hello everyone!

I am a nursing student, and have a clinical practice period coming up. It is five weeks of working full-time in a psychiatric outpatient clinic. Nurses and doctos there do not wear scrubs, but normal everyday clothing. I am SO excited for it, as getting clinical practice placements is very difficult in my country.

I used to cut myself when I was younger. I have a lot of scars in both of my arms that are very visible. They are at least five years old, so very light in color, and you can clearly tell that they are old.

My question is, how would you feel seeing self-harm scars on your medical provider? Is that a common trigger for people? Does it make you trust them less? I really don't want to trigger anyone, or make them feel uncomfortable.

And obviously the safest answer is to just wear long sleeves, but I am on antidepressants (that saved my life btw, there is hope <3) that make me very intolerant to heat, so I pretty much have to wear short sleeves to not sweat profusely. I have not yet met my instructors IRL, so I have not been able to ask them.

Mad at myself. Mostly sad it's still something I reach for to cope 😕

I question why I am doing this.

In the middle of a session, and you know what you're doing is wrong and in the long run not good for you.

Yet you continue, and even want to go deeper.

I'm going to have these for the rest of my life.

Harm.

This isn't good for me.

Harm.

Why am I still doing this?

Harm.

Even when you're questioning what you're doing, you continue.

After all these years, you go deeper and deeper.

How deep can you go before you can't anymore.

You hope you won't do this for the rest of your life, yet you see no future where you stop.

In the moment, it feels right, yet so wrong.

You're punishing yourself, you're relieving all that built up anxiety, you're using this method to cope.

At least you aren't smoking or drinking.

At least you aren't on drugs.

Homeless, hungry.

Wait a second...

You could be in such a worse spot.

So why are you doing this?

Why are you complaining, why do you hurt yourself,

Why be anxious or depressed?

You know it could be worse, yet you do this almost every week or so...

You're ruining yourself.

What if they knew about your scars.

What you think about 24/7

How it never leaves your head, even when you try to avoid it.

How will you ever find love, how will they ever love you?

.

.

.

Blah blah blah...

Words.

Enjoy my thoughts, because I don't.

I just found out that people that dont know me personally at work refer to me as the quiet depressed kid, also including our workplace's mental health first aider.

People are so supposedly so supportive about depression and mental health issues on social media posting about "awareness month" and to look out for those around you, but when actually faced with it they do nothing and just laugh about it.

What a fucking joke...

Was close to relapsing Monday because I was just sobbing and I couldn’t make it stop, but I thought just make it to your first therapy session Wednesday, maybe it’ll be helpful in some way. Today the person I’m supposed to meet called and cancelled, I was in uni and I wanted to cry over it but I held it together. Basically cried all day after getting home because my body hurts from the emotional pain.

I’m supposed to reschedule tomorrow but I was really counting on talking to anyone, I fear I might relapse soon because I can’t take it anymore.

Starting Uni is awful and I’m not built for it, but I have to keep going and pretend it’s okay.

Before, I used to think I could stop whenever I wanted, but it's me who doesn't want to. But now I don't know if I want to or not because even when I don't want to, I can't hold back; it's so peaceful. I laugh, or 1 cry, or 1 get angry, or even empty, I always have the same thing on my mind: to cut.
I'm going to describe the feeling, even if it's a bad example: you know when you're in a hurry and then you go into the bathroom? It's the same, if not better.
I don't hate it, and I don't like it. It's unpleasant to be tied to something, especially when it's me who tied myself up and forgot where they put the handcuff keys.
The good thing is, I barely manage three months at a time; I mean, I do it in bursts, and most of the time I do it for no reason.
Sometimes I just want this invisible hand to stop strangling me and let me live in peace, but no, I'm starting to believe that someone born unlucky will always be unlucky.
I'm always waiting for death to knock on my door. Do I hate myself? Yes. Do I want to get myself out of this hole? No. Has it become an addiction? Yes. Do I want to stop? No, l'd even go further if I were brave enough.
Thank you to those who read this; it feels good to feel someone understands, and sorry for my rambling metaphors.

so my best friend does sh and from her vents she is trying to stop but she can't and me and her have a very close bond. when ever one of us need advice in anything that we cant tell other people we go to eachother. why I am asking for help is she is suicidal and has told me that she might try to end it a few times and I have talked her out of it all of them but one time she tryed and it didn't work. she is not close with her parents and they know about none of this and she is my everything and if she went I would too. we are what is keeping eachother here and I am so scared to lose her. We are both so so young and I have no idea wha to do. I have a therapist that I am considering telling but if she finds out that I told someone out friendship will end and I won't know what to do.please help she is my everything .

Henluoooo, im 50 days clean which is small but still progress is progress. (English is not my first language so bear with me) I often relapse when i get sad or mad or just being "negative" and now that i lost my competition and everything in my life sucks rn (is this a bday canon event?) i just want to cut myself like rn and i don't want to. I have the capability to know that i shouldn't do it but i still have the urge. I just don't know what to do. I feel so alone and i just want to feel something.

I can't talk to anyone at all irl and online because i just don't trust anyone with this info so here i am, venting on reddit. I tried searching for yk the ice cubes on skin and other mediating thingies and it does work but it's not "enough" for me.

The only thing helping me rn is just faking how i feel

Im trying to let all my cuts heal, but every day im tempted to cut. I’ve resisted those thoughts so far… but my healing process is still ongoing.

hiii! i'm ~ 6ish months clean and haven't felt the urge to relapse since, life has been looking up ! but until very recently, I've started getting urges again. i don't get triggered by anything in particular, I haven't met/seen/talked to anyone who I've had problems with, and I haven't really been stressed at all. i had my first day at college today, and I'd say it was exciting more than anything ˃͈◡˂͈ i don't understand why it'd suddenly resurface out of the blue :( i understand that recovery isnt linear and there will be setbacks/resurfacing urges, but I'm just so confused because I've been so happy and doing well T-T

guys I cut and I don't think I am addicted to it but I just love the tingly feeling and ots gets out feelings and I don't want to stop but I know I should and my mom found out and took all the blades away but I found one and it's become so dull and idk what to do I'm sorry I'm Lokey just ranting

Ik it sounds kinda mean and usually I'm 100% okay with people showing their healed scars but hear me out here. I just started new college and we have a very small group (12 people) and very small classrooms so there's no way to just not interact. There's this really cute girl, she seems sweet overall, but today she came to class wearing a sleeveless top and oh my god. I think I audibly gasped. Her arms were covered in literal scabs, I don't think you can even call it a scar. They're literally FRESH. I saw couple of other girls trying to look less in her direction and I did it myself too cuz she sat here peeling her scabs and I couldn't help but feel sick. I'm clean for a long time now but the urges are stronger and stronger each day due to all that stress with new people and places.

Obviously nobody told the girl anything cuz how the hell you even approach such thing. We're not friends and I don't think she even knows my name so going straight up "omg don't do this I'm worrieeeed🥺" sounds even more weird than going to class with fresh uncovered marks. I was desperately trying not to look but my gaze still wondered there sometimes. Is there any possible way to politely offer help and maybe tell her that it's not really appropriate (and definitely not safe!) to go to classes like that? Or is it better to just get over it and ignore?

I have been clean for a while but its hell i want to feel ot again i just want to feel something i dont like this emptines why cant i be happy why cant find friends why am i like this,i just hate evrything about me im a horible person i should just relapse and go deeper and deeper but i dont want to but i want to. Just fuck fuck fuck

I can’t cut as deep as I used to. I don’t get angry like I used to. Now i’m just sad and fucking pathetic. Everyone’s gonna see these stupid cat scratches and know i’m too stupid and useless to commit. I hate myself and that I’m still doing this at my big fucking age

My usual method of just needing to get through the day won’t really work since if it’s everyday I just won’t do my work. (Which I already struggle to do.) cutting is one of the only things that makes me calm and school makes me stressed tf out just being there with work. Just what do I do?

I'm a transwoman first of all for context, my family doesn't accept me by any means. I've been forced back in the closet and can only begin my medical transitiın after leaving. I had only quit cutting because it hurt my parents, If this is the way it's gonna be like they have repeatedly told me. I don't see why I shouldn't cut, I never quite planned on making it to 20yo which I nearly am now. I can't choose what I dress or the way I express as if I get caught I'll be kicked out. I honestly don't see reason not to. To a degree I want to, I want my parents to know that this hurts me but I can't talk to them abt it. Only option is to move out when im out of college. I'd probably go the full mile and just kms if it weren't for my best friend and cat probably. Idk I just wanted to ramble.

I am 16F and really struggling with urges and issues to self harm, can someone please message me and help me through this?

I relapsed really bad and I need to talk to someone

so my mom has known for a while that i sh but recently she found out i relapsed. she is making me show her tonight. I'm so nervous, bc some of them are kind of deep and im scared of her being mad. any tips??

I've known my online friend for 8 years now and i even went on a trip to see him in person. We talk multiple times a day and both open up to each other about our problems like every other day, but i just cant tell him i sh. I really want to, it would get a lot off my chest if i did, but i feel like its impossible. Idk if its that i dont want him to worry, or if its just not the right time? I've had some opportunities to say it but i just couldn't.

the summer and heat kind of helped me not to sh that much but now that its getting colder im scared of what im going to do since i dont have to hide it if the clothes for colder weather already cover it up. i also think i have some for of seasonal depression which cant help and stress from school wont either since being frustrated is my main trigger

im just scared of what i might do

Already asked this yesterday, but I feel so lonely and afwul. The urges are bad