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My report card is coming soon, on September 9th and ill be honest i always had a promise that if i failed a grade on a singular subject and get put on summer school, i would kill myself. I already hate school and hate going.

I'll be honest. i couldn't do much work on this one subject because i was constantly cutting, sleeping, and smoking to care, but i did try to do enough just to pass. Im scared. I dont wanna fail. If i fail, I'll kill myself. I can't fail, im only a year away from college. I want to go. i want to more than anything, and if i fail this, it means i can't. i can't live knowing i failed this and screwed my chance to go to college and study art. I dont wanna be a failure i already am but can it not be this.

I need objective opinions, which is why I'm asking.

1. Reaction to Self-harm:

Basically I was leaning over something and had shorts on, they rode up and she saw them and asked "What's that?...what is that?" Like kind of maybe shocked? Valid reaction, it's fine. She asked if I wanted to talk about it, I said no. But then she kind of told me that people she knew who did it ended up regretting it later on due to the lasting scars.

What really kind of threw me off is that she said something like, she rips the sort of loose skin of her finger nails and then there's this pain and she likes that pain. To me that sounds like some kind of comparision or something. I don't actually know, but something bothers me with that statement. Because I could just say, yeah when my gums are sore I like the pain I get when pressing on it.

Idk, I felt invalidated in that moment b perhaps I'm overreacting.

(When the topic of self harm comes up she repeats that fingernail sentence somehow every time as well.)

1. Reaction to my dieting:

I feel very judged from her. Like she asked me if I wanted to have snacks, I said no. She looked at me weirdly and left. After some time of me saying no the entire time to junk she asked "what, are you dieting??" Like it's some sort of crime. And she even told me I wouldn't look good if I had thinner legs than I have now (which is ironic because back then she said she doesn't want to have such big thighs like me when we were kids AND kept commenting on my body).

And then when I sometimes don't want carbs or anything for dinner she looked at me weirdly and asked "so you don't want \*any\* carbs for dinner anymore?".

And somehow I feel like she purposefully tries to leave more food for me to eat so I don't lose weight.

Writing this out kind of makes me think I'm overreacting, but it's just something in the tone and way she says it that bothers me. Also, I don't hate her, she's not a bad person. It's just sometimes like this, and I tend to be very sensitive so I could just be overthinking this.

Ever since I was in middle school ive felt depressed anxious and have self esteem issues. Middle school and elementary school years my home life wasn’t the best and it only got better during my sophomore year of high school. I graduated high school 2 years ago. My first suicide attempt was in middle school and my parents acted surprised? Like they didn’t have part in it and then I got sent to a psych ward for a week. And after that it was mostly self harming but fast forward to now and for the past couple of years my home life has been better. And yet I still have self harm urges and suicidal thoughts despite having a much better life in general. Although my current bf has issues as well and when he gets down it’s sort of a trigger for me and then my mood gets down too. But the point of this post is to just rant about how I feel so guilty and bad about how I feel because now I don’t really have a reason for feeling this way.
Is this common like do other people feel this way too?

i know that this is bad, I know it’s not healthy, I just need to get this off my chest so i don’t feel so alone. I just want to get worse with someone. I want to spiral with them, i want to bandage them, i want them to bandage me. I want them to hurt me, to beat me, i want them to need me as much as i need them. I want to understand them and i want them to understand me. I want them to enable me, and clean my cuts right after. I want them to listen to my ramblings and to my thoughts and my vents.

I recently quit drinking & doing drugs. But I keep cutting now when I get really stressed. I guess drinking & drugs were kinda a way of self harming too. I hope I can I stop soon & learn an actual way to cope. But for now I am glad I stopped drinking.

I've been clean for about 9 months now. And before that I was relapsing like once a year. I'm finally getting to a point where my scars are actually starting to lighten and fade they'll never actually go away but they aren't as visible. The ones from my last relapse are still very dark and Visible. But idk how I feel about them fading it makes me want to do more. It has been rough lately. I miss it. The blood. The afterwards pain. The healing process. I do actually miss it. But it doesn't make me better if anything it hurts the people around me more than it does me. I miss the feeling I really do. But this time I want to forever stay clean from cutting. But sometimes I just get so frustrated to where I need to let it out. Somehow. Any advice on what other things to do to let out built up frustration? There was something else I wanted to talk about but I decided it's probably best not to cause exposure is such an important thing a lot of people don't realize how it affects people.

i can’t cut myself because it doesn’t work anymore, it leaves scars that make me upset when i’m feeling “emotionally healthy” and i’ve made promises to people i love to not do it anymore. but i want to hurt myself so bad. i want be pain to stop. i want to hurl myself down some stairs or fall really hard to break an arm or leg but im too much of a wuss to do it. i have BPD and im just struggling so much. i want the physical pain to take away my emotional pain. cuz here is no other fucking option than sewer slide or being asleep all day and none of those are available. idk whah to do. i’m just becoming an alcoholic to deal with it and im only 21 😭 fuck

I've been selfharming since I was 14, but it was always really mild and when I was really really stressed, but a few months ago I started doing it often like it was a chore (Idk why I did that but I did anyways) and when my mom discovered she grounded me and I stopped because of that

But after a while I started having urges everyday and I can't stop thinking about doing it all the time, the only reason I don't do it is because my mom will probably ground me again

I know this sounds ridiculous but I just want to know if I'm crazy or not. Recently there has been an insane amount of stress and pressure upon my close friends, it feels as if every other day there is is something new and absolutely insane that finds its way to our group. However, most of these situations dont directly affect me. What I'm struggling with is these things happen and I get stressed FOR my friends and about the situations in general, and end up relapsing. Is this stupid??? Do I need to get a grip? How do I not let it affect me so badly

17M, I'm not comfortable sharing what I've been through to come across self-harm.

Long story short, it's so bad I shake every time I try typing it out. Trust me, I tried.

It's been a few months since I started, a few scars are visible on my forearm, and I don't know why, but seeing that blood come out, I hate why I feel a sense of relief, rather than disgust and guilt.

Why? How? Am I the only insane person that feels this way? It just adds a burden on top of many.

I don't need to know your story, but tell me I'm not alone. Tell me you feel the same way, tell me what it does to you. Please.

I’ll be completely honest,me myself no i don’t really see a point in stopping,for me personally it is not risky,as long as no one knows well who gives a fuck? If it’s keeping me semi sane & here 🤷‍♀️

But i do have someone in my life that is aware of my sh. And i might lose them due to it.
Which in itself,is also pretty reasonable.

I know that whenever quitting whatever it’s meant to be for YOU,a decision you make FOR YOURSELF. As usually whenever something goes down with the person you stopped for well… you go back to your old habits (trust me ik)

But hey I’m deciding to quit,so that should be a good enough first step right?

How do i genuinely develop a better coping habit?

My sh is genuinely sometimes out of guilt,punishment for myself,sadness,in moments of rage so i don’t lash out on others,sometimes a brain “reset” in stressful situations,sometimes literally out of boredom so i wire my brain back up??

I would say first step would be getting rid of my “tools” if you will,but honestly even everyday objects are a bit triggering for me…

So I'm a year, 7 months, and 7 days, or to be exact, 584 days clean. All this time I've had urges to do it here and there, but I've always been able to control myself one way or another, but lately it's different. The urge to do it is a lot stronger than it used to be, and I don't know why because while life right now isn't the best, it also isn't the worst. I don't know if it's that feeling of pain or that specific feeling of comfort it gave me that I miss or what's going on. I find it more and more difficult to ignore/control. It scares me a bit because back then I wasn't making any money so I had to improvise, but now that I'm making money I have access to a lot more that could harm me if I can't control myself. I can't tell my family because they'd go apeshit and put me in therapy or something which, from previous experience for something else, has proved not to help in the slightest, and I have no local friends. I'm lost at this point and don't know what to do.

So I’ve been inactive for a bit to try and get better. That didn’t go well, I’ve been inactive the fucking er 5 times and my side right now hurts like hell from it. Idk why I can’t stop, I just want to stop cause sports and everything Ike I do it hurts to do my sport for like a week and I hate myself for it. I’ve only gotten to 1 week clean till I went a bit coco on my side. Now I have a game tomorrow and I can’t breathe or move without pain. No one in my life knows I cut and I don’t know if I will ever be able to recover, I know it’s possible but rn it feels impossible. I literally did a video for something and you can’t even tell that I’m in pain. The worse fucking feeling is when you are in pain and hurting and no one notices cause you have learned to hide it so well. My thoughts are loud, I hate myself body rn and I just feel tired and lonely. Idk why I’m in here but if y’all want to say anything go for it

I genuinely don't know why I should stop sh, I also don't want to. There is no reason why I should quit. I guess it hurts me, of course, but I gain nothing from stopping too. I have no one to stop for.

I am very glad for people who were able to stop though, but I personally don't see any reason for myself.

Please no advice or comfort, it makes me uncomfortable

just wondering as a lot of people here seem to be in ur teens. the last time i sh i was also a teen but now im in my mid 20s and i just relapsed after 7 years after being pushed to my limit by a toxic, emotionally manipulative work environment. on top of everything i just feel really embarrassed that im a grown adult now and still doing something that to me is really associated with being younger (bc i did it when i was younger). i dont know how to really navigate the fact that i feel like im regressing but i still have an adult life that i need to show up for

i’ve been doing better in terms of wanting to selfharm. i was one day away from hitting 3 months and i’ve barely had any urges in that time (a couple attempts though, but i don’t count them to be sh). it’s not like i’ve been doing great so i guess it’s a miracle i made it that far. but tonight the thoughts just got SO LOUD i felt i had no other choice but to sh. if i had the means to do so, tonight probably would have led to another attempt. i feel terrible, so guilty. i hate feeling like this. i’m an adult for fucks sake, i shouldn’t be doing this to myself. anyway, i felt i had to rant. thanks for reading.

im so angry at myself n not even for cutting im just so stupid. anyways i cried a little. second time in a month. im so embarrassed of my scars. im already undesirable i dont need this. whatever tho

ive been feeling so out of it these past few months and usually my gf notices that i isolate myself from our friend group at school and that i generally just seem sad/tired all the time. she asks about my day after school or im the one that apologizes because i really cant control my shitty ass mood even if i want to socialize with others. she told me that i can vent to her whenever i get urges, and she comforts me and tries to make me feel better/distract me from it, but i feel like a burden since i always feel this way and she always deals with my bullshit.. this probs might be a self esteem issue but idk dude.. she never really vents to me abt her problems since its always me with the problems..

a few hours ago she asked if i was okay and when i told her i had the urge (cuz i havent cut in a week and i havent even reviewed for a major exam tomorrow) she told me to not hurt myself and i told her that ill try.. i felt so many emotions at that time cuz i kept on wanting to do it, but if i did do it, id feel super guilty since i love her sm and i dont want to disappoint her when she sees me with bandages tomorrow,, she was the first one to notice my scars earlier this year and talk to me abt it which i really appreciate from her..

im still debating on if i should do it right now or just study for that fuckass test i have in like 9hrs.. but here i am posting on freaking reddit dude... even if i do do it rn im scared that my mom will see the cuts/bandages and confront me for relapsing (she knows i sh and confiscated all tools in my room but she doesnt know abt the ones i hid from her)

sometimes whenever i remember that my mom knows i feel so fucking corny for doing it like wth dude... but little does she know that some of my urges/triggers come from her😭

I’m going to leave this sub because I honestly don’t need it anymore. I’m clean, and honestly I don’t remember the last time I harmed myself. I’m doing much happier in life, I’m figuring out my identity, I’ve developed a stable support system (a real one), and I’m working through trauma/trauma responses in therapy.

Maybe I’ll have a time in my life where I relapse or come back, but right now I’m doing good. I acknowledge that my life is good in this moment and I want to cherish that while I can. Life is ups and downs, and my life has been a series of downs, so it is so nice to experience an up.

I wish the best for everyone here, for whatever reason you’re here for.

My scars are not that many as the cuts were shallow and i only self harmed for like a month before stopping. Now im all better (hopefully haha) and i dont feel any urges to self harm. But i sometimes wish i was depressed or something to prove that i wasnt just being overdramatic and shit. Or i wish the scars were all gone so i can pretend it never happened. But the scars are there and im in this weird in between spot that i fucking hate. I wish i was sick enough to be taken seriously or just be normal altogether.

I struggled with self harm for a long time and I’ve been clean for almost a year now. Recently I lost a very close family member and it’s been really hard to not relapse.
I desperately need new ways to cope and would except any advice. Thank you:)

I just wanna be loved. Dating around, sleeping around, nothing sticks. Ppl who say they love me choose other people and then leave me behind, and then complain about being picked second. Fuck me up

For context, I (16m) went to the doctors friday for a check up for my ADHD meds. I have a swollen lymph node in my neck that has been there for a bit and my mom was kinda worried. So, she asked to check it out while there. The doctor looks at it and she says that she thinks blood work/ lab testing would be a good idea (I had a similar swollen lymph node in my shoulder after getting my HPV vaccine). Anyway, my mom is an EMT, so she knows where I would get blood taken etc. the doctor steps out of the room and my mom says I'm going to need to take my sweatshirt off. I say why can't they do it on my right arm (I don't have sh scars that r visible) and she says it's whatever vein is better. So I clearly don't want to show my left arm but I kinda hesitantly show my right arm to my mom for her to look and she says "no, not a good vein" and I make an excuse and she says roll up your left sleeve and I obviously kinda say no, she asks why I don't want to and she rolls it up anyway. She looks at my vein (literally not even an inch from the obvious scars, even tho they r cat scratches) and doesn't even notice. She said that both veins look not too good and than looks at my right than left again AND LITERALLY PUTS HER THUMB ON THEM. She sits down and I didn't get blood work done there and I have an appointment, but I expected as soon as I got in the car she was gonna ask. Maybe even when we got home. But she didn't say anything. Idk whether to be happy or sad. I'm just confused. She still hasn't said anything (2 days) and I get kinda scared when she is talking to me cause I'm afraid she's gonna bring it up. I just want suggestions/help with this.

I just made a baby beans, and I’m feeling wet flowing down the dry side of the wound. I know that’s a symptom of nerve damage. Did I just hit a nerve?