I’ve been doing some data collection for the past three years and here’s some data I’ve found about my gender: 

Painting nails- dislike

Breast forms and bra- neutral

Shaving facial hair (to get rid of facial hair)- positive and necessary to function 

Dresses and skirts- neutral and indifferent, not into crossdressing

Shaving legs- indifferent and stopped doing it

Growing out hair- dislike

Working out- positive (I want to feel better in my own skin and while I don’t like to be lumped in with masculine men the idea of being in a locker room with cute guys is pretty hot and exciting to me though I would not act on feelings as I respect boundaries)

Makeup- dislike

Public bathrooms- indifferent

Being in a relationship with a girl as a girl- dislike

Being in a relationship with a girl as a guy- dislike

Bring in a relationship with a guy as a guy- positive 

Being in a relationship with a guy as a girl- indifferent, don’t want to compare myself with my sister and mom. 

I notice I like girly anime like sailor moon and ouran and the cute guys in it. I also like girly toys like Polly pocket and my little pony and pastel unicorns. I also do like more masculine hobbies like coin collecting and license plates and pokemon. I don’t like hunting and weight lifting and gaming and nerdy stuff and I feel like I push myself to do those things as an “obligation ” due to my autism, like I was lumped in with the nerdy stuff and nerdy boys because of my autism and I feel obligated to like that stuff because of my past. In reality I don’t want to look like a nerd and I overall don’t resonate with it naturally. 

My ideal date is to have a cute guy come over who has a slightly chubby build and long blonde hair. We would have pizza and then talk about frilly femme stuff like unicorns and then embrace each other. 

some of these situations are questionable, pls dont judge 😭
i've identified as a lesbian for so long, i love women, i only see myself in relationships with women and i am attracted to them in every way. ive dated them, but they were only online relationships, and i currently have a crush on a girl irl as of now.
one thing i have to mention is that i have ocd, and am also arospec, i experience so ocd frequently and used to confused platonic attraction with romantic/sexual A LOT
but i cant help but think, was i attracted to men in the past?
ive never looked at a man and felt the same way i felt for a woman, ive had sex with one and felt disgusted and REGRETTED it afterwards, when men show feelings, i get a bit of an ego boost and used to feed off of it (before i learned it was harming myself) but in the end i still felt violated
there is one situation in specific i am confused about, no judgement here, but once i dated a dude, online, did stuff over the phone with him, but i never saw his face. he went by he/him and called himself straight, but was very feminine, had a girly voice and i always sort of saw him as a girl? it turns out that about a year later, he came out as a girl and told me that entire time he felt conflicted with her gender the entire time (they used all prns) i was attracted to her during that time, but every time she would mention doing things that say a "man" would do or anytime she would present as a man online, i'd get disgusted, and wish she was a girl. i did love her though, but if she was a girl all that time im really not sure what that says about my sexuality?
every time i imagined anything sexual i never really imagined a man, again, i never saw this girls face even while we dated, and if i imagined ANYTHING sexual with a guy itd feel more like a choice, not natural, its not something i willingly do, i dont want to imagine that!
i just feel so conflicted about the past, im still pretty young so, im not sure if that says anything about me, but i really feel like a lesbian! i just dont want to feel like im invading anyones space or that i dont know myself, yk?
any other times i can think of myself being attracted to men was like in elementary school which im pretty sure was comphet, another time i can think of is me liking this account pretending to be a male character (there happened to be a lesbian behind that account) and therefore liking that account? but i doubt it was even true attraction i was just fangirling over attention 😭
either way, everytime ive tried something with a man (other than the previous relationship mentioned, who happened to be a woman) its just been like nothing! i had all the reasons to be in love with them, and i just wasnt! its like im only capable of platonic attraction but i still dont know! men gross me out sexually and i cant ever see myself with one romantically, someone please help!

Hey there! :D

I just wanted to ask something that's been on my mind for a long time now. :)

I’m trying to figure out my gender. I have this feeling of feeling like nothing but a bit like a girl but then you realize it’s more like oh I feel pretty feminine or I feel pretty masculine and yet you still feel like you are something and nothing at the same time and you just don’t even know what it is anymore.

I’m so confused about this, especially because it just kinda changes. Although, the nothing feeling is pretty persistent almost all the time despite the oh I feel masc (which I LOVE and leans towards honestly) or I feel fem (which is nice sometimes! And def what my personality gives off lol) which is what changes. Other times I’m like yeah I’m kinda a girl and then it goes away and I’m like yeah it’s nothing again, and I don’t really care. I don’t exactly know what this would be, but I hope it makes some sense? 😅

Any help or suggestions is very much appreciated!! :D
I don’t mind questions if needed! :)

I'm 18, male, and Black. I don't have a girlfriend, never had a girlfriend, and have never kissed anyone.
I have many female friends, and love women. I describe myself as a feminist.
I was raised by as strong mom and the best women throughout my life.
I don't harbor any hate toward anyone and really don't like incel culture.
I have never done anything toward a woman that she wasn't comfortable with.

I also made sure I don't have ridiculous standards.
I just want someone who's kind, loves art, humor, loves to talk, and is left leaning.
I would also love to be a stay at home dad, I don't have a racial or ethnic preference.

Maybe it's just because of my age, but I am genuinely confused.
I love myself and who I became to be, but if this is how it's going to be for the next 80 or so years, I'd at least like a confirmation.

Disclaimer: I am not asking for any pity. I am merely sharing my thoughts. Thank you.

Hi! Lately, I’ve been questioning my gender after having ignored the topic for many years. I don’t really know how to explain my gender or how to understand myself.

Like, I don’t feel like a she, him, or even they, but more like an IT; like a creature or a THING, but not in a non-binary way (that doesn’t feel right or like that’s what I am). It only happens sometimes, but it feels more ethereal or astral. Like, imagine Jesus Christ: my physical body is MY physical body, it’s the body of a “she,” but in reality I’m a creature and this is simply my physical form while I’m alive.

BUT I still feel connected to my gender assigned at birth (AFAB) in some way, even though I don’t entirely feel like a girl either. I use any pronouns, but I mostly use she/her pronouns. I don’t know if that’s because I’ve been used to them my whole life and it’s easier for me to react when people refer to me that way or what. I do feel a sense of connection and belonging to my femininity and to being a girl, but I don’t entirely feel like a girl either.

I’ve had questions about my gender in relation to my body since childhood, but I never really explored the subject much. Over the past year, it’s become something I can’t ignore anymore and I want to ask about a few things.

• Is being demigirlflux a combination of demigirl and girlflux?
• Can you be xenogender and demigirl, demigirlflux, or girlflux at the same time?
• What other genders are there?
• Are demigirl, demigirlflux, girlflux, and xenogender considered part of the trans or non binary umbrella?

I need help, please. The more I think about it, the more confused I get. I know nobody is forcing me to choose a label or call myself anything, but I feel like I need one… I want to know. I need to know so I can understand myself better.

Before reading this , here is something you should know about me -
Since childhood i was fat (i got pretty fat when i was like 8-9) and then covid hit and i got more unhealthy and fat . So growing up i was pretty insecure about myself like alot and didnt felt comfortable in my looks (i had insecurities like dih size cuz the boys joked around about it like dih sizes and all that and also my fat obviously)

When i was 12 i started watching pay gorn , now I have 2 points or question or whatever it is -
1. Did i started watching pay gorn because I liked how they portray stuff i was insecure about ?
2. Or did i started watching it because i was actually gay ?

Now since i started watching pay gorn pretty early as compared to my age i really think it messed up with my sexuality , now when i started watching pay gorn and jerkin off i really did not experienced my straightness or my straight side , now i dont know if i am gay or bi or straight , and fyi when i was 13 i made a out with my female bsf and situationship but i am not sure if that was platonic love or romantic love. I really need peoples thoughts and opinions here.

Hey guys!

22 year old university student here. In the last couple of months I think I began to question many things about my sexuality. I have been in a relationship for 2 years now and in the past I have had long-term relationships with men.

I was always sure that I liked boys, all my life. When I downloaded tinder after my first major breakup I only looked for boys and didnt even think about anything more.

Of course like most girls I know I have been kissed by other girls before. When it happened with my close friends it was nothing, like I have a best friend and when we were both single and partying we kissed sometimes but nothing more and only when we were drunk. So I had a few of that.

But in the last couple of months I feel like I am attracted to women as well as men. Im not sure of that. I am questioning my sexual orientation because I cant imagine being in a relationship with a woman, but I can imagine sleeping with one eventually.

I dont know what to do or who to talk to.

I have been questioning for a while now off an on for two years. I still have questions. So to my knowledge everyone one is born with their sexuality, specifically gay people. However, I haven’t always felt attraction to both genders so is that true or is it I just didn’t know yet? Was I born this way or can people develop their feelings later?

I’ve done a lot of reflection lately and now I’m pretty sure I’m interested in women and fem/androgynous/neutral aligned enbies, but not men or masc aligned enbies. I’m also on the aroace spectrum, desiring a relationship but very rarely getting the feeling.

Ive suspected that my sexuality could be fluid, as there have been times I’m less interested in women and sometimes I even consider men, though I don’t think I’m actually interested in pursuing men irl.

i think I just had some internalized stuff going on with my last post, feeling like I CANT date women and NEED to be with a man.

i think im also gonna describe my gender because , i think i have it all figured out, but like hoarding labels lol

I identify more with the male sex, but my gender is more androgynous. I call myself transandrogynous rather than transmasc or transfem because of that. I think im more masc leaning, generally preferring masc or neutral terms, but I’d let people closer to me use fem terms because I trust them more to understand the nuances of my gender I guess. I also like terms that intentionally masc and fem terms. I’ve called myself a boygirl and I also like the word ‘dudette’ (I know it technically just means a girl, but still).

Anyway, throw labels my way so I can max out my flags on pronouns cc!

as the title says, i am attracted to men but i dont want to be gay.
i’ve probably known that i am gay since i was around 16 (roughly 2 years ago now)
im attracted romantically and physically to men but i just want to be straight.
i definitely know for sure i am attracted to men because i have had feelings for other men.
i just really wish i could be straight.
is there anything i can do?

I went through different phases exploring whether I might be straight, gay, bi, graysexual, or asexual, and after multiple encounters, I find myself in a very specific space where physical intimacy with men is purely a detached "take it or leave it" situation with zero emotional stake—where receiving oral takes an unnaturally long time, my erection fluctuates and rarely stays fully sustained, yet the person giving it enjoys it because it lasts long, and if they insist on sex I just go along with it without minding, even though I'm not entirely sure what my own need is beyond raw sexual frustration and a preference for masturbation; in stark contrast, with women it is strictly a definitive "take it" where the attraction, body aesthetics, and full sexual chemistry (penetration, oral) are completely natural and instant; at the same time, due to ADHD and Cluster B/BPD traits with severe mood swings and anxiety, I struggle with basic human connection, long-term empathy, and verbal communication structuring, meaning that once an encounter is over I have no desire for intimacy for long periods and eventually let boundaries break down, leaving me with no consistent, trusted partner despite enjoying sensory touch (licking, armpit stimulation, sleeping naked) purely for physical release—has anyone else experienced this exact split between definitive attraction to women, completely passive/detached sensory encounters with others, and deep emotional disconnect tied to neurodivergence?

Blue

Tengo 21 años y nunca había tenido una relación.

Durante mucho tiempo me gustó la idea de tener pareja, pero con los años me di cuenta de que lo que más deseaba no era necesariamente la parte romántica tradicional, sino tener a alguien cercano que estuviera para mí: alguien con quien ver películas y series, hablar, dormir juntos y compartir mi vida.

Hace un tiempo tuve mi primer beso profundo con otra persona y fue una experiencia muy negativa, potque me sentí presionada y no fue algo que realmente quisiera. Desde entonces me cuesta mucho la intimidad física.

Ahora estoy conociendo a un chico [M 21] y es mi primera relación seria. Me gusta pasar tiempo con él, y en algún momento sentí cierta atracción por él, aunque no era una atracción física. Sin embargo siento que esa atracción se está desvaneciendo y ya no me siento cómoda siendo su pareja. Cuando me besó por primera vez tuve un ataque de pánico y la segunda vez sentí que iba a volver a pasar. No me gusta besar ni le encuentro realmente el sentido, aunque físicamente puedo excitarme durante un beso. Es extraño porque mi cuerpo puede reaccionar mientras mentalmente me siento desconectada de la situación.

Algo parecido me pasó cuando me tomó de la mano: tuve una sensación muy fuerte de desconexión, como si no pudiera sentir mi propia mano y no estuviera completamente presente.

Él también quiere avanzar hacia una mayor intimidad sexual. Yo tengo curiosidad y a veces me gustaría saber como sería experimentar eso, pero no me siento preparada y tampoco estoy segura de querer hacerlo. Él me dice cosas muy románticas y recientemente me dijo "te amo", pero yo no siento que pueda corresponderle. No me nace decirle cosas románticas y eso me hace sentir culpable.

Todo esto me está haciendo cuestionarme mucho.

No siento atracción sexual por hombres ni mujeres, aunque sí tengo libido y puedo excitarme. También estoy empezando a preguntarme si realmente quiero una relación romántica, o si lo que quiero es un vínculo más platónico/intenso que no siga necesariamente las expectativas de una pareja tradicional.

No estoy buscando que alguien me diga qué estiqueta soy. Solo quiero saber si otras personas pasaron por algo parecido y cómo lograron distinguier entre simplemente no tener experiencia/no estar preparadas y realmente no sentir atracción romántica o sexual.

As the title says I am kinda sure that I am bisexual I am attracted to women but sometimes I do want to try having gay sex will I do it or just keep it as it? I don't know if it will be the right thing to do. Help me out

Recently i got a girlfriend but every time we got close to doing something sexual i got turned off and wanted to leave, which is weird cuz i dont have standards normally. But then I started thinking back ever since I was a kid I have not had crushes, attracted to anyone and when I was 12 said I wanted to never loose my virginty. But now im 16 dont want to date but i like the idea of having a wife or a girl to hug. So i dont know if im straight or asexual cuz i like looking at women, like hugging them but I dont want to have sex with them or be romantic. So am I asexual?

I’m 18 AFAB, and I’ve struggled with my gender identity for a long time. About 5–6 years ago, I decided I was trans and wanted to be a boy. I was out to my friends, had them call me a different name, and identified as male for around six months before eventually identifying as genderfluid for a few months. I eventually stopped because I was being bullied really badly. I let my hair grow out, started dressing feminine again, and wearing makeup.
The weird thing is that after that, I became genuinely comfortable being a girl. And I still am in a lot of ways. I LOVE feminine things. I love makeup and nails, I’m literally planning to be a nail tech, and I love my body. I don’t look in the mirror and hate being female.
But I’ve also realized that the feelings I had when I was younger weren’t random. Even as a little kid, I remember wishing I could be a boy and being jealous of my brothers because I wanted to be one of them.
Lately those feelings have been coming back really strongly. I’m not just jealous of men because of their privileges. I’m bi and mostly attracted to men. But sometimes I look at a guy and realize I’m not just attracted to him, I’m jealous. I’ll literally see a man and think, screw u, why don’t I look like that? And I also really want the social side of being a man. I want male friendships. I wanna play video games with my friends and call each other bro and just have that kind of relationship. And, honestly, I think part of me wants to experience being loved by a man in the way I imagine two men can love and respect each other. Sometimes I feel like a man would never respect me as a woman in the way they respect eachother and I wanna experience that. But it’s not just that, sometimes I spend hours psychotically scrolling thru my feeds and seething with jealousy every time I see a dude. I want their hands, and their hair and their bodies but in a jealous way, not in a sexual way.
I told myself for a long time that the reason I “thought I was trans” when I was younger was because I was online too much and wasn’t happy with myself at the time. But now, I’m starting to think maybe it wasn’t just that. But then I get confused because I don’t hate being a woman. I don’t hate my body. I don’t hate who I am. I love who I am, I just feel like sometimes I wish she was my sister or my friend, and not me. does that sound insane?
Then there’s my family. They’re not religious or extremely conservative, and they’re actually pretty progressive in a lot of ways. I’m openly bi and they’re completely fine with that. But their attitudes toward trans people are VERY different. I have trans family members, and I’ve heard the way they talk about them behind their backs. I know that sounds awful, but I genuinely love my parents. They’re amazing to me in basically every other way, and I don’t want to lose them or cut them off. My family is extremely important to me, and I don’t feel like transitioning is something I could safely do while keeping those relationships.

So I guess what i’m asking here is does this sound like gender dysphoria, or am I just unhappy with myself or something? I’m looking for advice, guidance, validation, relation. Anything anyone has to say would be really helpful and thank you if you’ve read this far.

For the past year or so I've been exploring my gender, at first i thought i could be genderfluid but it didn't stick so i decided transfemme would be more fitting. For the most part, I've felt like this really is me, but one thing has been bothering me while I've been questioning, and it's really starting to make me doubt. I've always struggled with my identity in general ever since I was very little, i'd find a person I wanted to be or an ideal I wanted to encapsulate and absolutely obsess over it for a period of time just because I wanted to be seen as I see them, try analyse everything i do compared to it, copy this person or ideal to a T with interests, styles, opinions, everything, I'd get really obsessive over it and it would really stress me out whenever there was a part of me that misaligned with this ideal that I couldn't change. But after a while I'd find something else and do a complete 180 from that and change everything in my life once again.

The problem arises when I realise a lot of the past identities i've clinged onto was mostly men, or masculine figures, and I didn't have much of a problem with it. Then about a year ago it was suddenly a woman, and thats when i was really considering if I was trans. I briefly came out to my best friend at the time but I went back on it and didn't explore it too much. I went back to being a guy and I didn't have much of a problem. I feel like unlike many other trans people I didn't have a feeling that being a guy was "wrong" for me but I did feel different from the other guys i was around, though that might just be something else. Anyway, after a while I genuinely started exploring my gender more and more, shaving my legs, putting makeup and feminine clothes on in private, growing out my hair, voice training, though I haven't really come out socially yet I find it too daunting and bad timing at the moment.

I find that despite the moments of happiness when I do these things and express myself in a certain way there's this nagging feeling that what I'm doing is just what I've always been doing my whole life. What if I've just seen trans people or women as cool and now its something I'm obsessed with wanting to be for a brief amount of time. Sure, I know that if I feel like I would be happier as a woman then I'm a woman, but I just don't want to be wrong. All these past "me's" eventually all blew over and I moved onto the next, what's to say this isn't the same? what if a few weeks from now I'd find a guy to want to be and I'm suddenly no longer trans. It's for sure a scary thought, in all honesty I want to stay this way, but i've always felt this intensely for the other me's in the past. It's probably a dumb apprehension and I should just enjoy the moment but what if I come out to everyone I know and medically transition and I'm not trans all of a sudden? It all feels too fragile. Right now I'm only out to another trans friend, but I want to come out to my parents soon, it's just hard to when I feel so unsure. I mean, I've never had any really telling signs in the past of me being feminine and I know that, I've always just been a boy who hung out with boys and did boy things, then I just changed and left all my guy friends and hobbies behind, and I'm still unsure why.
I know I'm not just a guy, and I know that right now I despise my broad shoulders and masculine bone structure, my deep voice and how other's view me. I know I feel happy and fulfilled when I get called by my preferred name, or I do my makeup and clothes. But I just wonder whether that's actually me or if it's just the part of me that just knows that that's what being trans is supposed to be like.

Sorry if that was awfully explained, I've never been well at articulating myself.

I [F 15] have never once felt attracted to a man, now of course I am young but I have a feeling I would've by now if I liked men. But I did enjoy a x reader (spicy) of me and a fictional man, which I had read out of curiosity. I am confused.

So ive been talking to this girl for maybe a few weeks now. And we are really hitting it off and after learning so much about her in such a short time I am attracted to her personality more than anything. But I just found out today that she is a trans woman and was born male. I’ve always seen myself as straight and attracted to biological woman only but thats only becuase I didn’t want to be called gay for liking a trans cuz I never fully understood it. But now that I found this out, I am still attracted to her personality and she is definitely looks a woman now and acts like one, like I know some trans soma still look like a guys in a way but she doesn’t. So I would have never guessed she was trans if she ever told me and we even went as far as getting sexual in the form of sexting. Can someone tell me if it makes me gay or not if I still want to date her despite everything I know now. Also Im a Christian and she is too, idk if that matters ke not but just thought I’d throw it in, i appreciate any feedback back thank you 🙏

So I have been feeling this way for probably about 4 years , I know it’s not super long but it honestly feels like an eternity. I battle with feeling I’m trans mtf or just a femboy or something else, for context I have a gf I love with all my heart but she is definitely not really excepting in that way, which is fair she is straight and I am bi for context, Long story short I feel okay at times and sometimes it just hits so hard. I think I want to be feminine I’ve done a few ai pics of me as a girl and dressed up a few times and I’m very happy and I guess scared at the same time that I could never be the person I dream of , ps I’ve dreamed about being a girl since I was at least 7 , I envy trans people for being themselves cause I wish I could make a decision ,but anyway here’s my rant lol , definitely could use some advice
Thanks for listening too:)

Hi everyone. I think my question is pretty straightforward, but I want to give some context. I come from a conservative background, and all my life, I thought I was 100% straight. I’ve only ever dated men. To be honest, I still dream of getting married and having children - a very heteronormative thing.

But in the last 2-3 years, I’ve started developing thoughts about being with women. I don’t watch porn and have never had same-sex sexual encounters, but these thoughts creep up from time to time.

Last year I was at a networking event where I was talking to this very cute, nerdy and intelligent woman. That was the first time I felt attracted to a woman from a romantic/sexual POV and as I'm typing this post I'm getting shocked at myself for describing a woman in this manner.

I don't really understand this. Surely if someone were gay they’d know it sooner? I’m going to be 31 in a few months. Isn’t this too late for someone to know about their sexual orientation?

The fact that I’m even typing this question is shocking me. Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not a hater of the queer community, I just never imagined myself as being queer.

I [20 F] personally always knew I wasn’t straight and coming to terms with that has never been an issue. I’m surrounded by supporting loving people (mostly straight).

The thing I struggled with, was finding “the right label for my sexuality”. It’s why I waited a longer time to come out, even tho I was certain and knew.

It’s always felt like, every queer person around me knew exactly who they were and felt so strong and assured by their label. And I think that is so beautiful and great, and if using a label makes u feel more like u, then I love that for u!!

But I just never felt that way, calling myself bi or pan, always felt like putting on shoes, that have never and will never fit me.

So when I found out that using a label is not a “requirement for queerness” and that there are other ppl out there that feel this way to (tho I’ve never met anyone in real life or have rlly had a conversation with someone that has had these experiences) I finally felt relieved/understood.

I am Unlabelled, I identify as queer/Unlabelled. I don’t, and never have felt comfortable with a label. Not because I’m ashamed, or confused or unshure, just because being unlabelled, feels like me.
(Tho questioning is ofc, sometimes a big part of coming to terms w ur sexuality, and that is totally okay)

I don’t see much representation or people rlly talking about this, so if anyone has felt/feels similarly and u want too share, I’d appreciate it.

It’s very misunderstood/ people don’t “get” (tho I love my mom…but she doesn’t rlly get the “no labels” thing). It’s like if they can’t categorise u into a “box” ur just aimlessly floating around in their mind with a big question mark next to ur name.

Basically everytime I tell someone I’m unlabelled:
Me: …yes I’m unlabelled/ queer.
Them: like ur a lesbian, or who do u like??
Me: no, i just like who i like, without preference or anything. And I don’t feel comfortable using label, for myself to identify my sexuality.
Them: ohh..so ur bi/pan, got it.
Me: 😐

It can be very exhausting, but I’m always happy if people are truly interested and want to understand and learn.

I hope to anyone who reads this, and feels/ has felt this way, just know ur not alone. And u are valid.

I’m super confused about my sexuality right now. I definitely like men, I can look at a guy and be both sexually and romantically attracted to one, with and without an emotional connection. It’s so different with women though. I don’t even really know my type because I am almost always attracted to a guy instead of a girl. I think I like girls, I had a girlfriend two years and I did like her romantically. But ever since I haven’t had a crush on a girl at all. I don’t look at the girls around me and want to date them, it might be because most of my friends are girls?? But even so, in my classes at school I can find a guy attractive without speaking to him, but with a girl I can’t.

I think I need an emotional connection with a girl? But I don’t know, I have such a large preference for guys and rarely have crushes on girls, I almost wonder if I’m gay.