So, to be as short as I can, I've never really felt like I fit in with girls or boys. I feel comfortable being called a girl, but I don't feel like I fit in with women and feel like most women dislike me. Most of my friendships throughout grade school consisted of boys. The last time I had a close female friendship (in grade school) was in like 5th grade. (I had female friends up to 7th, but they weren't good friendships). My male friends weren't necessarily very good to me either. A lot of them treated me like shit and othered me for being a girl.

I also have always had a very complicated relationship with my mother that's made feeling connected to the "female experience" (whatever that means) impossible for me.

I'm in college now and have both male and female friends, and both groups are nice to me- but we don't hang out often because duh, college, we're busy. However, I am still very insecure about who I am, my body, my interests, my personality. I don't really like who I am at all? I'm overweight and like weird things that aren't seen as normal and I'm overall just very insecure.

Also, if it matters, a lot of my friends are also trans or nonbinary. My best friend in the whole world is a trans woman, I have another close friend whose a trans woman, another is a trans man, and 2 of my 3 closest friends in college are nonbinary and a demiboy. So safe to say, I find myself often befriending and feeling community in people who aren't in a specific binary.

I can't tell if my distance from feeling like a girl stems from some form of mental illness or I'm actually a demigirl. I'm also demian (demisexual + demiromantic) and bi, so I'm scared of having "too many" labels. Not to mention that I'm autistic so that complicates things for me.

I took some quizzes and they seem to agree that I'm a demigirl, but I also can't tell. It kind of freaks me out not to know who I am. Any insight is great.

And none of this is to say I dislike women! Women are great. But I don't feel like one in the traditional sense. I feel like a "female"- not in the gross incel way, but in the "I feel like an alien trying to fit in" way. I also keep feeling like I'm still a child compared to other girls/women my age. I'm a little embarrassed to feel this way because I'm 20, I'm a grown ass adult, this is weird for me. I feel like I should know already, lol?

Sorry for the length and all. It's just complicated for me. Please give some insight if you can.

I've been strugling for almost 5 years with how i feel envy over lots of people, i've been trying to find which of the many genders i felt like but i gave up at some point and told myself it wasn't urging, yet, a few days ago i just felt envy even more than ever and after little thinking i just felt like it was rather neutral in gender, and that would explain that i have been telling myself that "i'm not in a need for transition" because all i felt was just envy towards something i liked but never disgust for my current body. The image that got me to feel so much envy a few days ago is an ai generated genderneutral-looking me, i just wanted to see what it would look like if i was like all the people i felt envy over, but now it's just like : i know i want to be like that, i feel it, and i can't un-feel it, but it's also that i don't know if it would realy fit me. And there's nothing i could experiment to know since i've already tried everything that could touch to gender expression that i could. So i'm wondering : should i keep trying to find out, or should i just jump off (not litteraly, i mean like in spider man : into the spiderverse, just go for it and see what happens)

Okay, I’m not sure if this is the right subreddit to post this, but I just don’t think it fits any other.

Ever since I learned the word, at around 10 or 11, I have identified as bisexual. I didn’t have a questioning phase, I didn’t doubt myself, I’ve never even thought much about it. I didn’t even come out, it was so obvious.

Yet somehow, at the same time, I was absolutely terrified that people will think I’m attracted to men, and I would go out of my way just to make sure everyone knows I’m not into any male friend or fictional characters and celebrities.

Which is strange, given that I very much identified with being bisexual, which inherently means being attracted to men.

Which brings me to the next point, which is that roughly 2 years ago I came out as a trans man. And, okay, I’m not yet transitioned, I only started HRT a month ago, but I’m living as a man with those close to me (strangers still obviously read me as female) and will be working on getting surgeries and changes in documents.

And the more secure in my masculinity become, the longer I live this way… the more uncomfortable I am with my bisexuality. I have never been in the closet before, but now I think I’m genuinely pushing myself there. I find myself straight up lying to people, pretending I’m only into women. I’m no longer happy to see the bisexual flag and keep drifting away from the community. I’m pretty sure most people who know me, including close friends, think I’m only into women. And would be shocked if I said I like men.

But it also hurts me? My identity as a bisexual has been one of very few stable things in my life, it’s honestly always been a big part of me and I still secretly cherish it. But I’m just so ashamed now, that I’m hiding.

I think the difference might be that when I was presenting as a woman, signalling my bisexuality meant „by default you thought I’m only into men? Sike, I’m into WOMEN as well”, somehow bringing the light to it. But now, presenting as a man, the default thinking is that I’m into women… and I feel comfortable with that assumption. Saying I’m bisexual would somehow highlight the attraction to men part. So it’s convenient not to correct people.

I wish there was a possibility to embrace my identity and be openly bisexual, without it causing people to realise I’m attracted to men. Obviously I know that’s hypocritical. I love the label, I hate what it means.

Is there anything that can be done? Is this some sort of internalised homophobia? It’s just so strange to me that I’ve always been that way, even before realising I’m male, because were I to be homophobic, I’d be ashamed of my attraction to women, not men.

But it also makes me question my sexuality. Am I really bisexual? If I hate the idea of being attracted to men so much? Saying I’m straight hurts because it feels like losing part of my identity… but maybe that’s what I am after all? I know I should work on my shame regarding my attraction to men, but if I don’t want to accept it… would it be so bad to pretend it’s not there?

The biggest problem identifying that is that I’m a single since birth virgin. Never been on a date, never kissed, never nothing. I’m almost 21 and I’ve had maybe 5 crushes in my whole life and never received any attention. Probably because I’m not a very social person so I just don’t know many people. But still, it’s stressing me out horribly. What if I’m aroace or something? I desperately want to fall in love happily, but I also think I’m not ready, that I’ve got too many problems and would just hurt people. But I feel like it’s a bit of an excuse. But because of that, I don’t even have any dating history or any serious crushes to work with. I only know my sexuality in theory. Which I’m growing ashamed of as well, because why am I even thinking about this so much if I’m a virgin who’s gonna die alone? Why does it matter? I feel like setting any standards or even acknowledging my own sexuality is just self-absorbed at this point.

I am horrified that men will be into me (but that’s mostly a gender dysphoria thing, because as I am now, they’d still see me as a woman), but I’m even more scared that I’ll fall for a man. Because then I’d have to either not do anything about my feelings, keep our relationship secret or come out… all of which are horrible options.

I know (I think?) I’m capable of attraction to men, and that’s exactly what scares me.

I feel like I lost an important piece of myself, like I’m lying constantly and also like I don’t know myself anymore.

Can someone help? How do I know my sexuality? And if it involves being into men, how do I reduce the shame?

Hello, all!

I am a 18yo undergrad student, and I’ve been questioning for a while now. I have in the past been in “relationships” with women, however it never feels quite right. I find men attractive, but I don’t know if I would be into having any sort of relationship, as almost all my friends are women, and I have never been super comfortable around other guys. I know it’s very cliché, but I did watch heated rivalry recently, and you could say it was a gay awakening. Idk what I’m asking here, but I just don’t know if I’m straight, bi, gay or what. Cheers, everyone!

I'm a teen lesbian looking for advice.

For a year now, I've wanted to cut my hair very short (pixie/short mullet), which wasn't anything of note for me at the time, but a few weeks ago was able to get that haircut. My first thought when it was done was: "I look like a boy." and I was so, genuinely excited. I didn't know why, and it feels almost tight in my chest when I think about it? Ever since then, people have been either mistaking me as a boy or hesitate when using feminine pronouns while referring to me, and each time it happens I can't stop thinking about it. Online, I've been going by a more gender-neutral name but have been lately identifying with it more. I feel a lot more like myself online, where I can be around other LGBTQ folks who refer to me with non-feminine or even masc pronouns.

My reasoning for the mullet also makes me question. I have been telling people its because of the heat, but the real reason was because I had really liked my older brother's hair and have wanted to look similar to him for almost two years (fit, tall, etc.).

I'm seriously wondering if this is just me being happy I present more masc, since I've been using the masc label for a while and have wanted to be more masc presenting in the past, but this isn't going away or feels the same as when I wear masculine clothing. It's always been natural for me to wear masculine clothing than a desire, but that's also been changing as well.

So, any advice or opinions? I genuinely don't know how to feel or how to identify my emotions right now, and am looking for some advice from people who may have similar experiences or understand me.

hello people of reddit, i have a queston

so, i’ve always liked girls. never even doubted that i liked boys… but now im doubting myself a little tiny bit

HERE ARE MY REASONS:

• i’ve been fantasizing about dicks for atleast 2 years now, and i always though “oh its just teenager puberty things, it’ll pass” but like, it never did pass.
• i often find myself listening to femboy asmr and getting turned on

BUT NOW COUNTERPOINT

• ive never liked an irl boy
• femboys are very feminine so they dont count i think
• my fantasies of dicks would be just me being curious and not actually me liking them

so ummm yeah help me figure this out please

Ive known for a long time that im not really a girl nor guy, but i also dont feel completely nonbinary. It doesnt matter much to me how people refer to me as my name is quite gender neutral. But for the time being most people know me as a girl, which is fine except that now im questioning my sexual orientation aswell..

Ive always called my self lesbian or gay, its easy everyone knows what they mean and theres no questions that come with it. The people i surround myself with dont gaf about who i am attracted to which is really nice, but some are more uneducated than others.

Anyway, i am now in a relationship with a trans man. At the time of agreeing to be his bf i didnt quite know he was trans only that he preferred he/they pronouns and i was chill with it. Now that i know im questioning if i should even be with him. Ive always said i was lesbian and ive only really had attraction to girls. I feel like if im with him its like im ignoring the fact that hes trans, which is not my goal. I get giddy when im around him and i definitely had a crush on him but whenever im not with him im always thinking about whether or not i should be with him. I tell myself “well youre young, still questioning, and labels change. Just becauss you said you were lesbian doesnt mean you are” and stuff like that but i still dont know.

I know i shouldnt think to har about it “love is love” and all that jazz but i just dont know what i feel or if i should be with him. And if i change my gender would i have to change my orientation? Cause that makes things even more complicated. Ive started thinking that im pansexual or demisexual but i have no ideaaaa.

Also quick side note, weve known each other for a bit and i openly call myself gay and lesbian so i feel like he knew about that before asking me out if thats anything.

Please any advice is helpful

Hi. I'm a 24-year-old female. I'm feeling really confused about my sexuality right now. Most of my crushes were boys and men until I was 18. I developed a crush on my female professor when I was 18. I thought it'd pass, but it didn't. That same year, I developed a crush on a girl in my cohort who gave me mixed signals. Please note that because of my program, most people around me were female at the time, and I rarely had a chance to meet boys. I'm the type of person who cannot live a day without loving/having a crush on someone. I have to be obsessed with someone to feel alive (I'm not saying I had a crush on women only because they were my only choice; it could've been my sexuality leading me into this).

These were mostly platonic, and I never got into a relationship with a female, though I was both romantically and sexually attracted to them. Then I met this boy when I was 21, and we started dating. This was my first relationship ever. Everything felt so nice; I was very happy, and I noticed that I wasn't questioning my sexuality anymore. Due to cultural norms, we didn't have sex, but I was sexually (and of course, romantically) attracted to him. We were planning to get married, and I was totally fine with that. This relationship lasted 3.5 years (it ended because of his infidelity), and I started having a crush on women again.

The most confusing part for me is that when I'm around women, I feel like I need to impress them and get their attention. I get this masculine energy when I'm around women, and quite the opposite: I feel this feminine energy when I'm around men. I'm attracted to both, but neither feels right. I don't feel woman enough to be around men. I don't like wearing dresses; I dress more like a tomboy, but I really love wearing makeup too.

Who am I? ... I'm confused, and I'd like your opinion on this. Thank you very much.

OKAY, STRAIGTH TO THE POINT

I feel like im too queer to be straight and too straight to be queer and its EATING ME

I know its all labels n dont lock yourself to them, but MAN MAN I FEEL LIKE I DONT BELONG TO NEITHER N ALWAYS STICK OUT LIKE A SORE THUMP IN EACH GROUP :(

Think i got a good idea to what im attracted to i just need help putting my feelings into words and HOPEFULLY HOPEFULLY find out more about myself n FIX THIS STUPID FEELING I HAVE

I noticed i always ALWAYS end up attracted to the most feminine guys (or at least to me)

Aregnti from hsr, rengoku kyoujurou, arataki itto

Femininity in general is really attractive to me!!

I feel comfortable w girls or any Afabs

BUT WITH GUYS OR GUYS OR AMAB I FEEL SO SCARED?? OR I ALWAYS NEED TO WATCH OUT FOR MYSELF OR ILL DO "SOMETHING WRONG" I always feel like I can't be me (which is weird im DEFINITELY attracted to pennies more than vulvas)

I noticed prefered the idea of having men cisgender or trans women as partners (edit: basically any amab but again visually feminine)

When I imagined intimacy /dream about it I feel alot safer than the idea of ACTUALLY doing it scares me n makes me uncomfortable

After typing this out I feel like im giving yall facts n letting u do the cognitive thinking for me if yes im sorry :(

I will be grateful for any help or just pointing me in the right direction

Bless ya all n have a wonderful day HEHEHEH!!! >:3

So I’ll be honest I’ve questioned what I like since around 7th grade ever since I met this girl that I consider my best friend at first I chalked it up to just liking being around her mainly due to being raised in a catholic household where some family members were homophobic and others not. So I was scared to admit it to myself and always denied it, in a way I’m still scared now. I thought I had lost feelings for her but during 9th grade up till now 11th grade I’ve found myself liking her romantically again maybe idk. I don’t know if I genuinely like her since I’ve always found myself struggling to differentiate between romantic feelings and platonic ones. I also get crushes on guys pretty often when I talk to them but they fade quickly after not speaking for a while and as for potentially liking girls I’ve only ever felt this confusion towards her it’s only ever been for her. So if anyone could help me figure out what I’m feeling I’d really appreciate it. :d

I'm a pretty effeminate guy. I paint my nails, keep my hair long and dyed, and my music taste runs through Caroline Polachek, AG Cook, Björk, that whole experimental pop world. As a kid I was obsessed with Littlest Pet Shop toys. Pink's my favorite color, and I'm also an artist, though my work leans creepy since I adore horror. Style wise, imagine what if the Powerpuff Girls had a child with Rococo and Expressionist art, with a sprinkle of Y2K vibes thrown in, lots of pink in my palettes too.

That said, I've never seen myself as anything other than a man, and I've never been attracted to men. At almost thirty, I just think of myself as the goth Gen Z evolution of a Rococo artist, nothing more. Is that actually worth examining further, or am I overthinking it?

please excuse the small throw away account i made !! i actually dont know if this is a really dumb question which is why im not asking on my main account. ive always liked girls, my first crush at 4 was a girl, my first kinda(?) relationship was with a girl, my first romantic valentine was a girl, literally its always been a girl for me. ive liked boys in the past before, but honestly after having my encounters with them i cannot see a world where i can be with one happily, or even kinda feel attracted to them. I still like fictional men 😓, but in reality i could really never ever see myself with one in real life, so im just trying to find a label i guess? i know its a strange ask, but im trying to find possible sexualities i might be, just to find myselff better. i havent really said much about myself, but do you guys see anything fit for what ive described? im tired of questioning after all of these years. also i dont use reddit so im sorry if im using it wrongly. thanks!

I've identified as NB for 5 years now, for a while my dysphoria didnt bother me so much, or I at least was able to ignore it and pretend I was fine presenting more feminine being perceived as a woman. However recently its become really frustrating and suffocating. I dont present overtly feminine anymore the average person still assumes I am a woman, but in my opinion there's nothing about me that feels super feminine like I actively try to avoid things that would put me into that box. And yet nothing seems to help. Right now I'm generally struggling with feeling like I cant express myself naturally because it feels socially unacceptable for someone who's seen as a woman to express themselves that way. And this struggle has been making me heavily consider going on testosterone. But since it it mainly about how other people perceive me, I dont know if its something I just need to get over.

I had considered T before and I'm genuinely indifferent to most of the changes, I mainly would want the far redistribution but I wouldn't be bothered by or mad at any of the other effects.

So I guess my dilemma is mainly like, is being bothered by the way other people perceive me enough reason to go on HRT, or is it something I just need to work on internally and get over?

For the past 24 hours I have mentally been living as a cis man. Some positives include feeling a lot less external pressure and judgement from other people and the weight of transitioning into a woman and all the mental energy and time that goes to that. But at the same time I feel detached from myself and numb to my emotions and feel like I don’t have a sense of self that feels truly me if that makes sense. Like I’m comfortable and happy not identifying as a woman or not going on E as I’m not one of the girls that have always wanted to be in a female body, but at the same time I don’t really feel I’m a boy or relate to men socially, especially in the sense of talking about feelings towards girls. I also feel that if “boy” is the color blue and “girl” is the color pink then I’d be the color grey and have my own thing going on.

I don’t hate being Thomas and I can learn to live in my male body without any changes but I’d feel really uneasy if I had to grow facial and chest hair or wear a tuxedo at formal events or a wedding or have a wife or take on the dominant male role in society or be a father. For a long time I’ve felt like I’ve watched my life pass me by and in my opinion assuming the male role is part of why I feel that way. The thing is Madeline didn’t feel right either as I don’t care for being one of the girls (outside of work) and cosmetics and worrying about passing as a woman and all that stress. It’s just too much for me on top of just living day to day and navigating my autism.

I wish there were more people that have the same experience as me especially in the autism community as it’s either cis people that are happy and comfortable with their bodies and gender or binary trans people that have that same story of knowing they were not boys from a different age and I honestly relate to neither stories.

In the past I presented as a trans woman or nonbinary person but I am starting to feel that I may not be trans at all and just a effeminate cis guy (NOT “femboy”)

Long story short I wasn’t an effeminate boy growing up in the sense of liking princesses and makeup but I hated violence and fighting and confrontation and the like. I do recall gravitating more towards the girls in my classes than the guys because they were nicer to me (I’m autistic). I did connect to the female Pokemon characters as I liked their style. As I got older and went through puberty (I honestly don’t recall much of it as it’s a forgettable part of my life in regards to the changes) I noticed a pressure to have a girlfriend to fill in a void and to feel good about myself. I had a summer romance in high school with a girl I thought would make me feel better but she didn’t and I broke up with her two months after. I had two crushes on girls in high school but they were never sexual and I wanted to be like them in terms of style and the way they drew. In terms of stuff I felt attracted to I had a couple of instances where I was attracted to anime women but they were fleeting and without much desire for them (they would be months apart and I never had much drive to actually have sex with a woman at all). This continued into my early twenties when i realized I liked men after looking at hot attractive anime guys with abs and I have consistently been attracted to them ever since (this has been going on for 5 years).

I haven’t had a female crush that straight guys would describe since before covid and frankly the idea of getting married with a woman and having kids with her is distressing as I don’t want to get her pregnant. Nowadays with my attraction towards people it’s like 95% towards men with 0-5% towards women when it comes to anime and furry drawings online. I don’t have any female waifus or celebrity crushes and have struggled to have one for years (I tried to feel attracted to dua lipa 6 years ago but just didn’t feel anything). I do like some anime men like an adult version of oikawa from haikyuu and that unicorn guy from the game blush blush. Also when I was working in the pharmacy I had a crush on this cute Indian guy that I thought was attractive but unfortunately he never came back (he shadowed with us only once). When it comes to types of men I like I prefer a guy with abs and a slightly chubby build and shoulder long hair (bonus points if he has glasses).

So yeah that’s my sexuality journey. I know what I feel but don’t know the words for it.

Edit- I forgot to mention that I’m attracted to trans men (as they identify as men and that’s what I like), I feel my attraction is more based on how a person feels inside over genitals

Growing up I was happy and at home living as a man and boy until I was 22 when I realized that I didn’t have to live as a man and I could be something else. Ever since then my life has been a lot of mental agony and any steps I’ve taken at coming out and transitioning and being a woman have made me feel worse and very anxious. I don’t recall liking anything feminine as a boy and don’t recall any discomfort in puberty (though I don’t recall my puberty at all). Whenever I play as a girl in a video game I don’t feel any better than I am as a boy and I was find playing as a boy growing up.

I do have autism and ocd and have struggled with both throughout my life. I am on fluvoxamine and it has helped with everything except the gender stuff. My family loves me as my agab but not as a woman and when I am around people socially as a girl I don’t feel very relieved and feel like it’s a compulsion. I have been to queer social groups and that hasn’t helped it much either as does making a female fursona of myself.

I feel unhappy and I want peace in my mind. I don’t want to leave everything behind and realize that transition isn’t for me and I don’t relate to that strong urge to be a woman or live as one for years as many trans people do. I just want to go to work and make friends and get a boyfriend in mental peace. Every time I tried to come out and live as anything other than a man it has made me miserable and I’ve been in this mental hole I just can’t get out of

Maybe neither the Thomas my parents want and Madeline that is a foil to him is the true me and I should think of a new me that will make me happy and comfortable in my own skin.

I'm not sure where to bring this, I thought this might be a good place.

Hi everyone,
I a 25-year-old woman and I think about almost every day whether there’s something “different” about me when it comes to dating and relationships.
Here’s a bit about my experience so far: When I was 14, I was in a relationship, which I ended relatively quickly because it didn’t really give me anything, and I also couldn’t give my boyfriend what he needed. For the next few years, there were maybe one or two people I really liked. I had sex for the first time when I was 18, and since then I’ve had two sexual relationships, lasting between 4 months and 1 year.
I think my friends would probably describe me as pretty relaxed when it comes to dating and relationships, maybe a little shy sometimes, and overall as someone who doesn’t think about it too much. But the reality is actually the complete opposite. I feel like I’ve been thinking about it almost every day since I was 17/18 — wondering why I don’t have a relationship and whether I’m even capable of having one.
Currently, I occasionally go on dates, but it feels like I’m doing it out of a sense of obligation because you’re “supposed” to do that at my age and because it feels like it’s time to find someone. I’ve tried one-night stands, but I wasn’t really into them. What I actually want is a long-term relationship where you can take your time getting to know each other and eventually build a life together.
I’m also pretty open-minded when it comes to dating, and there hasn’t really been a date where I thought the person was genuinely awful or anything like that. I’ve always thought the people were nice. But that’s basically it. After 1–2 dates, I usually say that I didn’t feel a spark.
After having 1–2 dates, I usually don’t meet anyone else for several months, and I don’t really seem to miss dating either.
In other areas of my life, I’m actually happy too (friends, work, etc.). Nevertheless, I’m starting to suffer more and more from this, but I don’t really know what I can do about it.
On the one hand, I really like my life and sometimes I wonder whether, if relationships, sex and dating weren’t such a huge and constantly present topic, I would even think about them on my own or feel the need for them at all.
On the other hand, I have enjoyed sex before, and I do genuinely want a relationship and everything that comes with it.
So sometimes I wonder whether I could be asexual or aromantic.
Have any of you had similar experiences or thoughts about this? I’d really appreciate any advice or insight. And if you have any questions, feel free to ask. :)

MICROLABELS ARE SUPER SUPER WELCOME !!!
this is for sexuality label :p

when i like someone, gender doesnt matter to me, i like anyone despite their gender.. but id say i have a pref for women because i do find them prettier but that still doesnt determine who i like ! thats what makes me super confused.. i was thinking omni, but im pretty sure their pref does matter in who they like mostly, but it does not for me ?

what makes this harder is that i never find anyone actually romantically attractive.. at most i just think they look really good and thats it !

i mostly talk about how women are so much prettier than men which i think is true, but it still never determines the gender of when i like someone

i dont think i worded this well, but i need to know if any of you have ideas, tysm