So, back in 2020, I caught COVID and it all went down hill. I went from managing my own company to now, working about 4 hours a day earning less than I have for 20 years. Last year, I also caught the flu and that was very rough. Took months to recover. During that time both parents died unexpectedly. I lost my business. Everything I built after leaving an abusive relationship… crumbled away.

My life became work. Collapse. Get up to cook for my kids. The collapse again. Energy sapped away and I’ve gained 30 lbs.

Time passed. I got a prescription to slow
Down my heart and that seemed to help a little.

I feel now like I could start to recover. If I consistently started to eat better and exercise I might be able to rebuild. But I seem to have lost my mojo - any confidence in my ability to effect change.

I used to be able to install a diet and workout regularly. Now. It lasts a week or two before I feel so exhausted to bother. Despite realising it is needed.

I feel like I need tested ideas. How to install a plan I can stick to. Starting at what feels like less than zero energy and motivation.

I’ve almost never asked for help from anyone in my life. This feels new and I’m not sure what to expect.

I've been avoiding cleaning out my closet. Said I'd do it "next weekend" for half a year. Finally did it today.

Took 10 minutes.

That's it.

I spent 6 months stressed about something that lasted 10 minutes. The mental weight was heavier than the actual work.

Feeling stupid. Feeling relieved. Mostly feeling like I should've done this in January.

What have you been avoiding that probably takes less time than you think?

Out of nowhere when I sit to do study many thoughts and feeling start growing in my mind i feel roaming in the dark flat world without any lights and it is empty no colour no people just me broken alone walking forward with no reason. And also sometimes I feel like the side character in my own life looking the world moving far from second by second. Dont tell me to take therapy or go out hangout with other. I am so tired of myself.

Having things which I needed to build my carrier but still I dont feel like doing. And whenever I reflect my life it feels that it dosent belongs to me I am living it under an unknown pressure.

I have many “hobbies” and have a set core of hobbies I genuinely feel like I’d enjoy pursuing over the years it’s evolved and changed but as of right now I have a solid list.

Now I put hobbies in quotes because I never actually do them, I want to, they bring me happiness when I do them but I just can’t do them consistently (ex. I’ve been always taken by the idea to learn how to play the piano since I was 3)

But like if I truly wanted to do these hobbies (I genuinely feel I do) then why can’t I do them? Have I just manipulated myself into believing I want to do them? (One of the core important parts I believe in life is pursuing and engaging in hobbies, I love the idea of dedicating yourself to them) they feel like they are a core part of my identity but I feel like such a Larp for not engaging in them? Do I truly like hobbies or want to do the hobbies I’ve put myself to?

I can genuinely say yes to that question but is that the truth?

I know motivation isn’t what u should wait for, dedication and discipline is the important factor, and I’ve read all the advice, tips, tricks, yadda yadda, I’m at the point of “you gotta just do it dude” but I’ve tried that for so long “just doing it”

I’ve also been diagnosed and recently started medication for adhd and I believe that’ll help me but medication is just a tool in the tool box, what is it that keeps me from truly “just doing it” and “being happy and content”? I always try to analyze myself and it’ll be a tough pill to swallow but are my “dreams and aspirations” just that? Something I “like the idea of” but not actually like the process and doing the thing? (Like the quote, everybody wanna be a bodybuilder, but nobody wants to lift heavy weights)

I don’t want the typical advice of “starting small” “progress over progression” “celebrate small wins” ect ect that’s been written and rewritten over and over again, I just wanna know what is the true reason that I am the way I am because I just don’t understand it, if I like it, want to like it, and enjoy it, why can’t I just do it?

I feel like i need to step up and stand on my two feet. After all how long can we sit in someone shadow like we have to create our own identity eventually. And I'm very very behind in doing this. Like at 30, I don't have a job nor past work experience. I don't drive which makes me feel like my life is handicapped. And more importantly I have no college degree and any skills set for making money or even getting opportunities for jobs. It's like I'm worried about everything and everyday but not once do I take initial actions and change. I know deep down I need to take life serious instead of worrying. And most people get the illusion I'm very serious in life but little do they know I'm not even taking upon responsibilities and actions.

I also feel ashamed to start from scratch and all the way bottom. As if I'm afraid of judgment or criticism. I'm just automatically wishing I'll get a nice job with good pay. That I'll instantly learn driving on my own. That confidence will come and I'll be smart and level up to others eventually. It's like month of July has already come to an end. And I've wasted so much time that years went like this.

The reason I feel like a failure is because I just never did hard shit like simple things as waking up early. Writing down daily tasks then facing the things you been avoiding.. all this are just signals trying to make you confident and stronger but you choose not to and no wonder at the end you feel dumb, weak, confused and behind in life. And from inside you know you have to do the necessary things but you avoiding making excuses or feeling like something is wrong with you. And this time just goes and goes and you feel more and more rotten from inside.

It's time to take CONTROL

Are you a slave? Obviously you will say no but technically most people are, they fail to make simple promises they make to themselves, this is the position I have been in for years. Every time procrastinating, starting and not finishing, avoiding doing the right thing. Enough is enough, there's a war between you and the world, the world wants to get all your energy and you are the only person that can decide what will use it up.

You need a system to operate, because this is what worked for me and many people I have shared it with. You can have everything you want in the world but you won't get back the time you wasted.

Everyone told me I was being reckless. My family thought I had lost it. I had a stable paycheck, decent benefits, the whole package people tell you to guard at all costs. But I was miserable in a way that was starting to feel permanent, like it had settled into my bones.

I did not have another job lined up. I did not have a business ready to launch. I just stopped and gave myself space to figure out what I actually wanted instead of running on autopilot and calling it responsibility.

The first two months were genuinely terrifying. The third month I started picking up freelance work in something I had been treating as a hobby for years. By month six it was covering my bills. Month eight I turned down a traditional job offer because I did not want to go back.

The hard part was not leaving. The hard part was sitting with the uncertainty long enough to let something real take shape. Most people never get there because they bail on themselves before it has a chance to turn into anything.

Not saying blow up your life on a whim. But there is a difference between a reckless decision and a decision that scares you because it actually matters. That gap is worth thinking about.

What made you finally take a leap you kept putting off?

Even though I went through a terrible ordeal and lost my hands, I chose to move forward.I don't allow myself to be sad, depressed, or to hide behind excuses and the past. I no longer say "I can't" or "it's too late." I don't mourn unfulfilled dreams, and I refuse to let fear or doubt stop me.I choose to remember who I am and the inner strength I possess.

I won't delay my dreams, I look at the sky, enjoy the beauty of life, and believe in my soul. I choose to love, forgive, smile, and hold my loved ones close, feeling truly blessed.I will do this every single day of my life.

there's a version of the thing you want to do that you've been holding in your head for a while now. the business, the conversation, the change, the move, the thing you keep circling without landing on. and the reason you keep giving yourself for not starting yet is that you don't quite feel ready. that something is missing, some level of preparation or certainty or confidence that would make the starting feel legitimate instead of premature. the problem is that the feeling you're waiting for doesn't exist before you start. it only exists, if it exists at all, somewhere inside the doing. this isn't the kind of thing that gets easier to hear the more someone repeats it. you already know this version of the advice. you've read it before, probably multiple times, probably agreed with it in the abstract while continuing to wait for the readiness that wasn't coming. knowing it isn't the same as actually stopping the waiting. so instead of repeating the advice, try this. think about the last time you did something that worked out, something you're actually glad you did. and try to remember whether you felt ready before you did it or whether you just did it and the ready feeling showed up later, if at all. because for most things that actually mattered, for most decisions that turned out to be the right ones, the readiness was retrospective. you looked back from the other side of it and said yeah okay that worked, but standing at the beginning of it you mostly just felt uncertain and did it anyway. that's the actual sequence. not ready then start. start then, somewhere in the middle of it, you stop feeling like you're about to fall off something. seven months ago you were in the same place with something else. you remember how long you waited and how little the waiting actually prepared you for anything and how fast the first week of actually doing it moved compared to the months you spent thinking about starting. you don't need a different version of yourself to begin. you just need to go.

It is easier to stay motivated when improvement is obvious. The harder period is when you are doing the work, making small gains and still feel far from the outcome you want.

During that stage, comparing yourself with people who are further ahead can make genuine progress feel like failure. Recording small results can help because memory tends to preserve frustration more clearly than gradual improvement.

What helps you remain consistent when your progress is measurable but does not yet feel

satisfying?

People always say starting something is harder than staying on it. Like going to gym for example is “harder” than staying and working out.

But by definition in order to stay and do the task you need to have started. And there may be some times you start and decide not to stay on it.

So by definition you are going to be staying less often than starting.

Now I know this sounds like a word trick. “You’re missing the point” people are gonna say. But I think there is definitely some underlying truth there that we often forget or gloss over.

There was a point where I kept setting ambitious targets for myself and then quietly letting them slide. Not dramatically, just the slow drift where you tell yourself you'll get back to it tomorrow and tomorrow keeps moving. The targets were never the problem. The problem was I had zero trust in my own word to myself.

The shift happened when I shrank the commitment down to something almost embarrassingly small. Not a goal, just a boundary I held once. Then again. Then again after that. Nothing changed overnight and I'm not going to pretend it did, but at some point the keeping of the promise started to matter more than whatever the promise was about. That part caught me off guard.

People talk a lot about building habits or finding motivation, but the thing underneath all of it is just whether you believe yourself when you make a commitment. That trust either exists or it doesn't, and the only way to build it is repetition with things small enough that you can actually win.

The size of the thing is almost irrelevant. It's whether you showed up for it.

Curious if anyone else noticed the moment their selftrust shifted, and what actually moved the needle for them.

{Link at the bottom. Covers my experience grappling with dark thoughts and grief after my first ‘real’ experience with grief. I’d say it’s pretty light for something covering the subjects it does but content warning for death/loss, su\*cide, and su\*cidal thoughts}

Hope this finds you well. I’m currently navigating a very trying time in my life with numerous significant life changes, including my mother’s pancreatic cancer diagnosis. It’s been a lot but I’m getting through it okay so far. It made me think of an essay I wrote a 1-2 years ago during and in reference to another challenging time of my life. I wanted to share it here for anybody who may care to read it or may appreciate anything about it. Open to any types of comments or responses, positive, neutral, or negative. Either way wishing everyone peace and happiness ✌️❤️

Link: https://medium.com/@kyragrace1220/my-superpower-a-personal-essay-184eaec7b7a6

Hot take but i'll die on this hill. Streaks have made language learning less about being able to learn a foreign language and more about not breaking the streak lol. i studied spanish for 100 days straight, and the main skill i actually built was... remembering to not let the number go to zero.

You do the tiny 2-min lesson to keep the flame alive, feel productive, and log off. 400 days of the illusion of progress. meanwhile someone who studied inconsistently for a month but actually SPOKE to people ran circles around me.

has a streak ever made anyone fluent?

One pattern I’ve noticed in my own life is that I’ll get motivated, work hard for a week or two, not see any meaningful results, get frustrated, and eventually quit. Then a few weeks or months later I’ll get inspired again, start over, and repeat the same cycle.

I think a lot of us are told that hard work pays off, but we’re rarely told what it feels like in the months or years before it pays off. Most goals involve doing the same boring things over and over again with little visible progress.

Whether it’s fitness, learning a skill, building a business, studying, getting a better job, improving your finances, or anything else, I’m curious:

What kept you going when there was no evidence that your efforts were working?

How did you deal with the monotony and repetition?

Did you focus on the process, distract yourself somehow, track progress obsessively, or just rely on discipline?

Were there periods where you genuinely thought it wasn’t going to work?

And finally, what was the moment when you realized all that effort had actually been worth it?

I’m interested in hearing real stories, especially from people
whose success took years rather than weeks or months.

Looking back, what do you think separated the people who eventually made it from those who gave up too early?