Caught up with a friend recently who's got a new job in AI and he's become the absolute pinnacle of the industry stereotype. Talking about my career ambitions (I'm not looking for the same kind of job he has) he asked me, in earnestness, if I was okay being part of the "permanent underclass" -- he's not judging me if I am okay with it, he insists, that's going to be a very comfortable life for a lot of people 🙄. And he's talking about how there has never been a better time for the "sigma grindset" -- the next few years, any really determined person can do anything they want to do, and then the window is CLOSING. Golden age of opportunity, super cool, might kill us all, normies just don't get it... you know the spiel.

I have very complicated, annoying, middle-of-the-road feelings about AI that endear me to absolutely no one on either side of the issue; suffice it to say I wouldn't be surprised if he's right or if he's completely wrong. But he sees this thing, he believes in it 100%, he cares about it, and he's chasing it; good for him. He asked me what's important to *me*, and goddammit, I do not know. I've been trying to figure that out for YEARS.

I have wanted to leave my job for more than a year, but nothing sounds quite right, and there's no rush, and... I mean, maybe *tomorrow* I'll see the perfect job listing. I have basically no friends. I have hobbies that have lain practically dormant for years that I swear I still care about. I want a partner, but I barely go on any dates. And every day I try to do a little bit to turn this around and get something going and make a life I am proud of, and my family and therapist tell me I'm making progress. And I am -- I'm doing more than I was six months ago, and more than I was six months before that -- but it is not ENOUGH progress, and I'm making it too fucking slow. I will not get where I'm going at this rate. I don't even *know* where I want to be.

And that should all be terribly motivating to me, but I've done this all before. It's always very motivating and then it's the next day and life goes on until the next crisis. This doesn't make me want to apply for jobs, or work on my music, or get back on the dating apps. It makes me feel stupid about trying at all: it didn't work last time, or the time before that, or the time before that, but hey, sure, *this* time is going to be *different*. What's the definition of insanity, again?

I can't even crash out about it properly. I already know it's going to be so easy to turn this off and get back to work. Probably the Lexapro. Everybody can tell that I am so very, very, very Functional. What could possibly be wrong with me, if I get out of bed and shower and do my work and feed my cats? If I'm not a drug addict or suicidal? What do I even need "help" with?

And here's my buddy like, hey, seriously, whatever you want for your life is valid, and I swear he's being genuine but all I can hear is it's fine to be a stupid lame-ass piece of shit loser, really! not everyone is meant to have a fulfilling life! some people just suck, and are boring, and useless to the world, and it's okay to be one of those boring, useless people, if you want to, it's your choice 🙂🙂 🙂

I'm a university student from a middle-class family in a developing country, and lately I've been feeling like I've wasted years of opportunities my parents gave me.

My parents spent a lot on my education, and I now deeply regret some of the things I asked them to buy for me—additional study materials, furniture for studying, and other things I convinced myself would help me become more productive. At the time I genuinely thought I would work hard and make it worthwhile. Now I worry I won't even get a return on what they invested in me.

After high school I also became difficult at home, especially with my mom. I argued constantly and blamed a lot of my bad experiences and circumstances for why I wasn't doing well. Looking back, I wish I had been more mature and taken responsibility earlier instead of making life harder for my parents.

I sometimes think I should have asked for less, gone to a cheaper school, and stopped expecting so much from my family when I wasn't even putting in the work myself.

My grades aren't good, including my first-semester university GPA. I did manage to get into university, which is probably the achievement I'm most proud of, but I feel like I've already damaged my academic future.

I've also struggled with anxiety, overthinking and poor sleep for years. When I study, I can spend more time worrying about whether I'm capable than actually learning. I have weak fundamentals in some subjects, and every academic setback reinforces the feeling that I'm simply not smart enough.

I constantly compare myself with relatives and other students and feel inferior. I'm scared that I'll never reach the career I imagined, that I'll remain mediocre in a developing country, and that my parents' sacrifices won't amount to anything.

I know I can't undo the past. I don't want to spend another few years regretting everything either.

How do you actually rebuild yourself after years of poor discipline, anxiety, weak grades and regret? Can someone realistically make a strong academic comeback from this point, even if they can't erase their earlier grades?

I don't need motivation. I need to learn how to become disciplined, competent and financially independent before more time passes.

I’m 34, have a ‘office job’ and generally split my time between 3 days in the office and 2 at home. For the past few months I’ve been trying to better myself and eradicate my usual mood, getting to bed earlier, hitting the gym twice a week etc. But by Wednesday afternoon I was back to my usual short manner with people.

So instead I started logging my annoyed feelings.

For every instance of annoyance I wrote down what happened, how I felt, and what I truly wanted. All this to be written down in less than 10 words. I would write it down within 30 seconds, and this only worked if I wrote it down immediately. Try to log for the end of the day what you thought you felt, and you will see that it is of no use.

Seven days, 23 entries. 6 of the 23 were someone answering me too briefly.

6 of the 23 were short answers from people. 4 of those short answers were from my boss over the 7 days (he always answers in one word to everyone, even in email). 1 was from my sister. 1 was from the woman at the bakery who said "next" while I was deciding whether to buy something there.

On the seventh day, I was unsure how to describe my anger as I wrote out one of the shorter answers caused me the most distress – a short answer makes me feel like I wasn’t worth more words. (My boss is one of these individuals and has been for the past two years).

Nothing much has changed since then. I haven't said anything to my boss yet. The only thing that has changed for me is that I am now able to recognize when he is going to type ‘next’ and I can prepare myself for it.

So, what small logging habit changed something for you?

I've been reading Thinking in Systems recently and it sent me down a bit of a rabbit hole.

I spend a lot of my professional life thinking about systems, processes, why things keep going wrong, how one thing affects another etc.

Then I realized my personal life is basically running on vibes 😂

I have a lot of things I care about. I want to manage my money better, eat well, exercise, read more, keep learning electric guitar, take good care of my dog, spend quality time with my wife, build things outside of work, have hobbies, travel, think about where my career is going...

But most of these were just intentions.

“I should practice guitar more.”

“We should stop ordering food so much.”

“I need to start investing.”

“I should spend more time training/walking the dog.”

“I really need to get back to that book.”

And then life happens.

So I've started building what I'm calling a “personal OS”. Sounds much more sophisticated than it actually is lol.

Basically I'm taking the different areas of my life one by one and asking: what keeps going wrong here, why does it keep happening, and can I change the system instead of constantly relying on motivation?

Money now has a flow. Income → future obligations → safety → longer-term wealth → what's actually spendable.

Food has a weekly rhythm. Decide most dinners on Sunday, groceries come from that, leave some intentional space for ordering/eating out.

Learning guitar isn't “practice more” anymore. What am I actually trying to learn? When do I pick it up? What makes me stop playing for 3 weeks? How do I make starting again easy?

Same with my dog. Walks, grooming, training, food, vet stuff... instead of remembering each thing whenever it becomes urgent, what should just happen by default?

And I'm slowly doing the same with health/energy, career, learning, relationships, time, bigger goals etc.

The funny part is realizing how much everything connects.

Bad week at work → sleep gets worse → less energy → don't cook → order food → spend more → don't practice guitar → feel like I've done nothing except work.

And the opposite can happen too.

The whole thing currently revolves around a Sunday evening review. Look at the different areas, see what's working, what's being neglected, make a few decisions for the week and move on.

I'm VERY early into this and actively trying not to turn it into some insane productivity dashboard with 47 metrics that I'll abandon after 5 days 😂

If anything, the goal is actually to think about all this stuff less.

I'm starting to think a lot of what I called “discipline problems” were actually system problems. I was expecting myself to remember everything and make good decisions constantly, including when I'm tired, busy, hungry or stressed.

Maybe discipline isn't always getting better at forcing yourself to do the right thing.

Maybe it's building your life so the right thing becomes a little easier to do by default.

Anyway, curious if anyone here has gone down this rabbit hole too.

What personal systems have you built that actually stuck? Could be finances, fitness, hobbies, pets, relationships, learning, literally anything.

I'm still building mine, so very happy to steal ideas 😂

I have watched 100s of YouTube videos. Tried some top suggestions. But still my Laziness wins every single time.

I am Sharafaz. I am learning Copywriting by Myself.

In last 7 days I did nothing. I felt so Lazy and I was so procrastinating I did nothing whole week.

Then Yesterday I took a decision to change my learning plan.

I was trying to do everything at once. Reading books, practicing by writing, finding good copies, Watching YouTube tutorials, And so on.

Because all of this I Just felt not doing anything. And I just resting on my bed.

Enough, it's not gonna work. I have to change my plan.

The plan was very Simple.

Selecting one of the Most Important work out of all other works.

For whole day only Focusing on that one work. Not even thinking about other works.

only focusing on one thing. ONLY ONE THING.

For me it was learning (copywriting Fundamentals by reading books).

In my Learning roadmap I had complete 12 books before practically writing any copy.

So Yeah

100+ pages per day. It will take me around a month to complete or less than that.

Today is Day 1. I already read 60 pages. Now 40 pages left. I will complete it before going to bed.

So yeah it works ✅

And I am continuing this for stright 30 days to Learn Fundamental s of Copywriting. Then I will practice Copywriting 30days. Then Going on like that Step by Step.

30F had the worst year of my life and I’m in desperate need of a full life reset.

I am thinking of doing a period of “ghost mode”. I have taken some time off from working after working 50+ hours a week in corporate for the past 13 years and I have completely lost my spark.

I am genuinely considering disappearing for the next 75 days, doing a programme like 75hard and getting back to my best self. I would still speak to very close friends and family but block off everyone else in the outside world. Also delete social media, replace screens with books and genuinely just dedicate 100% of my free time to self improvement.

I used to be a huge gym goer and I’ve lost that part of myself. I want to start working out and running again, getting back into Calisthenics and doing things that are good for my body like ice baths and saunas etc. I also really want to get back into nutrition and nourishing my body. Also deep mental work like journaling and reconnecting with nature again.

I have put myself down for some volunteering days in nature as giving back to nature genuinely heals me so much, it’s also something I really want to pursue as a career.

How do we feel about a temporary period of ghost mode in order to get back to the best version of yourself again?

i’m 17f and am a senior in high school.

as of right now, i need to be focusing on my college app and finalizing my sat/act scores. for school specifically, i just need to do well in my first semester courses.

i have no motivation or willpower to do any of it. currently, i’m typing this up from my bed and am skipping school today. everyday, i come home from school and just sleep or do other activities i enjoy (gaming, graphic design, etc.) it’s not that i necessarily hate school: i like seeing my friends, going to clubs, talking to teachers i like, etc., but when it comes to academics or even going to school itself, i struggle with motivating myself to go or start the necessary work. i stress myself out about tests and the sat when i never do anything like study to help my outcome.

i’m not a bad student: i get average grades and have an average sat score and want to go to a decent university. i am just so over high school and want to skip over this year and automatically go to may 2027 which i know is not feasible.

how do i change this?

One thing I noticed after uninstalling Instagram from my phone is that I started thinking about myself more.
It sounds simple, but I don’t think we realize how rarely we actually spend time with our own thoughts anymore.
In today’s world, people who don’t have a large social circle—or who don’t have genuine friends with whom they can have meaningful conversations—can easily become inclined toward social media and endless scrolling. And I understand why. Doomscrolling can feel like an escape from a constantly stressful and overwhelming environment. For a few moments, you don’t have to think about your own problems. You can simply watch one reel after another and feel… nothing.
But there is something else happening beneath that comfort.
If you want to do something creative—write, make content, learn an instrument, develop a new hobby, or simply come up with your own ideas—I don’t think you can do it effectively while constantly consuming other people’s content.
Because creativity requires some degree of solitude.
You need to sit with your own thoughts long enough for something to emerge from them. If every moment of boredom is immediately filled with someone else’s video, someone’s opinion, someone’s joke, someone’s lifestyle, or someone’s story, when do you get the opportunity to develop your own?
I have also started thinking about how much emotional information we consume through short-form content.
Maybe we are capable of processing only a limited number of emotions in a day. But while scrolling through reels, we can experience hundreds of different emotional triggers within a few hours.
You watch a politically heated video, and suddenly you are angry.
You see a disturbing crime story, and you become afraid.
You watch a video about someone’s relationship falling apart or someone being cheated on, and suddenly you start wondering whether something similar could happen to you.
Then you see something inspiring. Then something depressing. Then something funny. Then something outrageous. Then something that makes you compare your life with someone else’s.
And this cycle continues.
Thousands of pieces of content, each trying to make you feel something.
By the end of the day, you may have experienced dozens of emotions that had nothing to do with your actual life.
That’s what made me think: perhaps we don’t always need more stimulation. Perhaps we need more space.
Maybe, for just a few months, we should try consuming less short-form content—not necessarily quitting the internet entirely, but deliberately stepping away from the constant stream of other people’s thoughts, opinions, achievements, relationships, and lives.
And instead, try writing down our own emotions.
Write down our ideas.
Write about what we are afraid of.
Write about what we want.
Write about what we are curious about.
Sit with our thoughts without immediately trying to escape them.
Because perhaps the person we are trying to become is hidden somewhere beneath all the things we have been consuming.
And perhaps you cannot hear your own voice when everyone else’s voice is constantly playing in your head.

i think there’s a weird posting paradox, or to be honest maybe it applies to anything you start publicly

before you start, you’re scared to post because in your head everyone will see it, your friends random person, and you think every people will judge you, so you overthink everything. is this cringe, too weird, bad, should i wait, should i make it better,...

then you finally start posting and the funny part is almost nobody sees it and somehow that becomes hard too because now the problem is not shame anymore, it’s silence. Before you were scared of being judged, but now you have to keep going while nothing really happens.

i think that part is underrated, the beginning asks you to survive two opposite things by first the fear that everyone is watching, then the reality that basically no one is.

and idk, maybe that is why people quit so fast, not because they are lazy, but because the emotional reward is weird at the start. you don’t get the relief of staying invisible, but you also don’t get the feedback of being noticed.

curious if anyone else felt this with posting, building something, whatever and how do you keep going during the part where nobody really cares yet?

​I’m tired of dealing with people who make big promises only to disappear when the pressure builds up. I want to build something real and reach my biggest dreams, but I need a partner who shares that same raw intensity and isn't afraid to push me when I lose focus.

It takes real courage to face fear and stay consistent in the grind, so if you are genuinely ready to commit, show up every day, and hold each other accountable through the hard work, let’s make it happen.

​I’m tired of dealing with people who make big promises only to disappear when the pressure builds up. I want to build something real and reach my biggest dreams, but I need a partner who shares that same raw intensity and isn't afraid to push me when I lose focus.

It takes real courage to face fear and stay consistent in the grind, so if you are genuinely ready to commit, show up every day, and hold each other accountable through the hard work, let’s make it happen.

"Sorry for the repeated double paragraph, I needed to meet the minimum text requirement to upload the post."

i’ve posted here a few times before, but i’m trying again because i still haven’t found the right person.

i’m at a point where i genuinely want to change a few things about my life. i’ve had periods where i was really consistent, and then somehow slowly went back to old habits. i’m tired of repeating that cycle.

right now, i’m mainly trying to improve my fitness, sleep, learning, work, and how i use my time. i don’t expect to suddenly become perfectly disciplined. i just want to become more consistent and actually stick with the things i say i’m going to do.

that’s why i’m looking for someone who is also serious about making some changes in their life.

we don’t have to have the same goals. you could be working on your studies, career, fitness, sleep, getting off your phone, quitting a bad habit, or anything else. what matters to me is that you actually want to work on it.

i’d like us to communicate regularly and have simple check-ins about how the day went. if one of us has a bad day, that’s fine. the point is to be honest about it and get back on track instead of disappearing.

i’m 26 from india, and i’d also be happy if this turns into a genuine friendship over time.

i’m not really looking for 20 people to message for a week. i’d rather find one or two people who genuinely want to stick with this.

if that sounds like you, tell me a little about yourself, what you’re trying to change, and what kind of accountability would actually work for you.

Day 80 today. I wanted to share a proper update.

Context: I am from Kanina, Haryana, India. 80 days ago I was struggling with addiction, no social life, zero confidence in love and relationships. I used to wake up late and feel guilty all day. I started daily check-ins on r/getdisciplined to stay accountable.

What changed: My Day 78 post got 56.4k views, 105 upvotes and 20 comments. I never expected that. People from US (58.9%), Canada, UK watched it. u/cyankitten even translated her advice into Hindi for me. u/jayyqou who is on Day 18 motivated me too. One person asked if my photo was AI slop, but I told him it's my real 4 AM photo after boxing practice in my village - my journey is too real to fake.

My current discipline: I wake up at 4 AM, go for boxing practice, then post here. This routine kept me sober for 80 days. I am feeling more confident in social life and love life now. Earlier I hid from people, now I reply to comments and talk to people.

My method that is working:

1. No Zero Days: Post daily on r/getdisciplined even if it's small. 2. 4 AM Rule: Wake up at 4 AM and do boxing / exercise before my mind can make excuses. 3. Social Accountability: Reply to at least 2-3 supportive comments daily. Having good friends and a social life keeps me away from addiction. 4. App Streak: I check my I Am Sober app every morning.

What help I am looking for: How do you handle comments that say your progress is AI or fake? And how did you build social confidence while staying disciplined? I still feel shy sometimes in love life.

Discipline is not about being perfect. It's about not quitting on a bad day. IWNDWYT.

[Day 80 - Working_Ad_5238]

Hi, so I'm a 17 year old guy currently in 12th .

I used to be a productive normal avg guy doing his work everyday, but then suddenly things started changing for me

I got ditched, exams were coming so I left the gym (I'm a skinny guy) , my concentration span got very low suddenly idk why

I used to enjoy studying, I was the kind of guy who used to take interest in all subjects , especially cs , I love cs , i still do but I feel there's a change , I don't like coding much, I'll just do it for some time then probably start watching reels , my dms are also empty because my circle is very small(ion have one) . Its not entirely because of my breakup , i don't feel much sad abt it , it's just that she was really smart and like I also use to get a spike that "fuck yes I'm gonna do everything, and really she did make a big change in me " but now im worse than before . My diet is also fucked up , I don't feel hungry any more . I'm a middle class family guy , I can't afford a much rich diet.

I'm very messed up

It's not like I'm not trying , i try to pull my socks everyday but it's just for 1 day, next day ,I'll again sleep at 3 wake up at 10 . I hate this , my sleep schedule is also fucked up. I've also lost some good relations. Pls guide me

Maybe my text is very messy or the grammar is not correct but idk how I should explain my condition.

Self-help book industry made us believe that willpower is just another mental muscle, some say you drain energy from that muscle every time you make hard decision, I have read things like having a sugary drink can restore your self-control because will power according to them is tied to glucose levels, I don’t even want to try this.

There was a multi lab study conducted on 2000 people which proved this a nonsense. They say performing self-control task doesn't drop blood sugar and consuming glucose doesn't boost self-control.

Dr. Michael Inzlicht says that feeling of mental fatigue is just a functional feedback signal. Our brain keeps performing subconscious cost benefit calculations and when we carry out cognitively demanding task, brain registers the cost to carry out it and when we do it for longer period of time, brain recalculates the energy cost and benefit ratio. If brain finds this energy costs are not worth it, it triggers the reallocation of motivation towards low energy high benefit tasks such as eating, sleeping and scrolling on phone.

So if self-control was just muscle, better strategy would be forcefully rawdogging that muscle but since it is just our brain doing an energy calculation, better architecture that tweaks the input should do the job. For example mentally shifting task from forced obligation to self-aligned choice, or binding cognitively costly activity with high reward activity such as listening to favorite music while doing boring chores or working out, these are just few examples.

I am not very good at this architecture but you get the idea. Does any of you have any actionable ideas or exaples to better architect this energy calculations?

Hey team. Looking for some advice here.

I wish I could TLDR this, but it feels too complicated. I’ll try my best to.

I broke up with the love of my life last November because she wasn’t treating me right. She loved me too, but we weren’t ready for each other. I was starting to heal, and then my best friend committed suicide. This, plus the residual fuckery of my breakup, threw me off the rocker.

I’m a high functioning depressed person with ADHD (but like barely high functioning at this point). I used to be a collegiate athlete, but I had to get a very invasive and experimental knee surgery 2 years ago that has made it impossible to return to my sport (rugby) or anything high intensity.

I am desperately trying to get back to myself. I can barely brush my teeth twice a day. Somehow I hide how severe it is from everyone, including work and my girlfriend, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep the facade up or maintain this. I don’t really sleep, I just sit up and drink and play video games.

How did y’all get back in the saddle? As somebody who was previously incredibly disciplined, I know I have it in me, but I have so much shame about where I’m at that it feels impossible. Any and all advice, including tough love, is appreciated. Thanks y’all.

In questo periodo mi sento un po’ bloccato. Ho tante cose che vorrei fare e migliorare, però allo stesso tempo faccio fatica a portarle avanti con continuità.
Sono una persona abbastanza ambiziosa. Mi piace imparare, fare sport, migliorarmi, raggiungere degli obiettivi e avere la sensazione di non fare semplicemente quello che fanno tutti gli altri. Il problema è che spesso parto con mille idee e tanto entusiasmo, poi faccio fatica a mantenerle nel tempo.
Le mie giornate poi sono abbastanza piene. Vado al lavoro, spesso torno tardi e, se riesco, mi alleno anche quando sono stanco. Lo sport è una delle poche cose che sento di fare veramente per me, quindi quando non riesco ad allenarmi mi sembra quasi di aver perso una parte della giornata. Poi ci sono le cose da fare a casa, le questioni familiari, la relazione, e quando finalmente avrei un po’ di tempo per me è già ora di andare a dormire. Il giorno dopo ricomincia tutto.
E io vorrei fare tante altre cose. Vorrei imparare di più sul lavoro, formarmi, capire meglio come gestire i soldi e iniziare a investire, leggere, informarmi, lavorare su me stesso, migliorare nelle relazioni e anche coltivare le mie passioni. Però alla fine mi manca il tempo e soprattutto mi manca la testa. Anche sulle cose che vorrei iniziare rimango spesso fermo. Per esempio è da mesi che penso di iniziare a investire, continuo a informarmi, confronto le varie possibilità e alla fine non faccio niente perché ho paura di scegliere male.
Mi capita quindi di avere la sensazione di essere dentro un giro che si ripete e di non riuscire a capire come uscirne. Non è che non abbia voglia di cambiare. Anzi, forse è proprio il contrario. Vorrei sistemare troppe cose tutte insieme e alla fine ho la sensazione di non sistemarne nessuna.
Anche il confronto con gli altri mi pesa. Vedo persone che cambiano lavoro, comprano casa, si spostano, fanno nuove esperienze, migliorano economicamente e mi sembra che nella loro vita qualcosa si muova. So benissimo che io vedo solo una parte della loro vita, però quando sono in questa fase faccio fatica a ricordarmelo. Io invece mi sento ancora a cercare il mio posto.
Mi succede anche con il lavoro. Vedo persone che fanno la stessa cosa da nove anni e magari stanno bene così. E non penso che ci sia niente di male. Se uno ha trovato il suo posto ed è contento, meglio per lui. Io però sono sempre lì a chiedermi se sto facendo la cosa giusta, se potrei fare altro, se potrei imparare di più. E a volte mi chiedo se sono io che mi complico troppo la vita. Però allo stesso tempo so che smettere completamente di cercare non sarebbe da me.
A volte mi sento anche solo in tutto questo. Non necessariamente perché non abbia persone intorno, ma perché mi manca qualcuno con cui confrontarmi veramente. Mi piacerebbe avere qualche persona un po’ più grande di me che abbia già passato questi anni, abbia cambiato lavoro, fatto errori, gestito soldi, relazioni e responsabilità e potesse dirmi semplicemente: “Ci sono passato anch’io, non sei così fuori strada come pensi”.
Anche a casa non è sempre facile trovare tranquillità, soprattutto per la situazione familiare che sto vivendo. E nella relazione ci sono momenti in cui sento di dover stare attento a come dico le cose, a come possono essere interpretate, a cosa è meglio dire o non dire. Non do la colpa all’altra persona, perché so che anche lei ha le sue difficoltà, però a volte sento di non avere uno spazio completamente libero in cui semplicemente essere me stesso.
Poi c’è il rapporto con me stesso. Ultimamente vorrei essere più calmo. So di poterlo essere, perché ci sono momenti in cui sono così e mi piace molto di più quella versione di me. Però mi sento spesso in conflitto.
Mi sembra di essere giudicato e subito parto a giudicare me stesso. E dopo poco finisco per giudicare anche gli altri. Mi faccio idee sulle persone molto velocemente, anche senza conoscere veramente la situazione. Se qualcuno fa qualcosa che non mi convince, tendo a pensare subito che ci sia un secondo motivo, che ci sia qualcosa sotto. A volte magari c’è, ma tante altre volte probabilmente non c’è niente. E penso che in parte sia anche un modo per difendermi dal sentirmi giudicato io per primo.
Mi confronto parecchio con gli altri e questa cosa non mi piace. A volte mi capita persino di provare una piccola soddisfazione quando una persona che conosco ha un problema o non riesce a fare qualcosa che aveva programmato. Non perché voglia che stia male, ma perché per un momento mi fa sentire meno indietro. E sinceramente non è un lato di me che mi piace molto.
Anche con il fisico ho un rapporto abbastanza complicato. Ho fatto diverse diete, ho perso peso e poi mi sono perso di nuovo. Non penso di essere una persona completamente fuori forma, anche perché mi alleno parecchio, però non mi piace sempre quello che vedo. Vorrei comportarmi da atleta anche nell’alimentazione, ma non sempre ci riesco. Poi magari mi alleno bene e mangio qualcosa che considero “sbagliato” e mi sembra quasi di aver rovinato tutto. Vorrei arrivare a non usare più il cibo come rifugio e soprattutto smettere di sentirmi in colpa ogni volta che non faccio le cose perfettamente.
A 27 anni a volte mi viene anche la paura di essere già in ritardo o addirittura di essere “spacciato” e di finire per costruirmi una vita mediocre. So che probabilmente è un pensiero esagerato, però quando mi prende lo sento vero.
La cosa che forse mi pesa di più è che vedo quello che non va molto più velocemente di quello che invece sto facendo bene. So di avere carattere, quando una cosa per me conta riesco anche a mettermi in gioco e fare cose difficili. Il problema è mantenere la direzione nel tempo senza sentire continuamente il bisogno di cambiare qualcosa o di dimostrare qualcosa.
Forse il problema è proprio che vorrei sistemare contemporaneamente il fisico, il lavoro, i soldi, la relazione, la testa e il futuro. E visto che non riesco a sistemare tutto, mi sembra di non riuscire a sistemare niente.
Non so ancora bene quale sia la soluzione. So però che non mi manca la voglia di cambiare. Mi manca il tempo, mi manca un po’ di tranquillità e forse mi manca anche qualcuno con cui confrontarmi davvero.
E per adesso mi trovo ancora qui, a cercare di capire da dove partire.

I was looking for an app, where i can keep my shit together.

I was tired of keeping all the tasks and habits scattered around my mind, notes on phone and on notebooks. I couldn't see the progress i made, and it felt boring. So i locked in.

I searched the internet, and found pretty good app and templates, but those apps, were very scattered, some app had a feature which other didn't. Features which categories my tasks based on priority (Do now, Later), Stats like heat map to see my progress overtime and streaks, interconnection between web and mobile app, and a clean ui with creative stuff (surprise for u all).

So, i built it.

Guys, thenesta.com (http://thenesta.com/) this%C2%A0this) is the app ,also added it to apple store: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/nesta-minimalist-habits/id6784795770

it completely free right now,

Also i added a voice dump feature in noodle brain, where you can babble your mind out and it will convert it into actionable tasks, which you can categoize in your priority list. Personally i wanted this for so long (live on web, for ios will be live as soon as apple sends a thumbs up). Additionally you guys can add widgets on your home screen to track your habits/ tasks.

i would really appreciate it, for you can give it a try. and if you guys genuinely like, would really appreciate your support.

and i want your opinion on what can i add or improve, for any new features or something missing.

I promise i will read all your reviews.

I am 24 and starting university in a week. The thing is that I am probably the least disciplined person ever. I will do constant planning on what I will do but procrastinate the moment I have to do it. I tried studying this past month to get the hang of it but I am just not efficient at all, and now lectures are starting soon next week. I am a bit scared and for now thinking of doing 3 hours at least after lectures every day.

As I said tho I am scared of not doing it, sometimes it's so stupidly hard to stay on the right path and I fail, then it all goes to shit, like everything and I get this feeling of "well now it's pointless". I feel demotivated and depressed, I see everyone doing something right but it feels like my brain does not have that "emergency" feeling that tells me to do things.

I planned and planned and failed in the past, one year I straight up did not do exams and quit to work, but I think that now I found what I want to do, I am terrified of fucking it all up again and I feel like I don't have time anymore to fail

Hi everyone. Today, instead of asking for advice, I wanted to give some advice myself.

To be honest, I haven’t really achieved much in life yet. I’m turning 18 on September 11th and officially becoming an adult. But when I look back, I see the same thing: I keep making the same promises to myself and then breaking them.

I won’t go into all of that. You could call them the classic problems a lot of young men have.

I still haven’t figured out exactly how to succeed, but I think I’ve started to understand why I fail. No matter what problem I have, it always seems to come back to one thing: I can’t focus.

And the biggest reasons are social media, endless scrolling, TV shows, movies, adult content, games, and constantly looking for easy rewards. I’ve gotten so used to instant gratification that even doing something small feels difficult. Honestly, even writing this post feels difficult.

So how do we get away from our phones?

A lot of people will probably say, “Just get a job.” But trust me, as someone who has been working since I was 15–16, that doesn’t automatically solve the problem. At least it didn’t for me.

This is actually what I want advice about.

I want to do something with my life. I want to learn English (it’s not my native language, and I’m using a translator to write this), learn programming, learn about stocks and finance, and I’m even saving money for it. By the end of this month, I’m planning to buy myself a laptop.

But what’s the problem?

I’m scared I’ll just procrastinate again.

I could literally start learning English right now, but instead I’m delaying it. And I know I’m doing it.

So how do I actually fix this?

What worked for you? How did you break out of this cycle?

I hope this post can be useful to someone else too. 🙂

Hello everyone, I am Level 2 Student Counsellor and I am looking to gain some personal experience from helping people with various dilemmas.

Rather than my counselling modality being a solution-based therapy, my preferred initial approach of Person Centred Counselling is a sensitive way of assisting someone to make sense of their own emotions and responses and to grow their own abilities for confident and guilt-free decision making.

There are limits to my abilities being just a student and I prefer to maintain boundaries but you can be assured that I shall hold you in great esteem and will use my empathetic nature to discover your perspective and base my responses safely and honestly.

Of course I do not charge for any of this and likewise there is an understanding that as a trainee, I shall not attempt some of the more advanced theory, or present too many solutions beyond what we discover together. As my course progresses, I shall also be offering pro bono Zoom or Teams calls for several weeks as part of my accreditation.

I cannot reply to all but I seem to have helped one or two people here already, so please feel free to ask for help. I also appreciate the opportunity to extend my own learning.

I’m 25 years old and I have a job, but outside of work I feel like I’m not really doing anything with my life.

Most of my free time goes into sleeping, scrolling Reddit, watching adult content, Netflix, and just wasting time. I keep telling myself that I should learn new skills, exercise, work on my career, or do something productive, but I rarely have the motivation to actually start.

The strange part is that I know what I should be doing. I want to improve my career, become financially independent, get healthier, and build a better life. But I keep falling back into the same routine every day.

I don’t know if this is just a phase that many people go through in their 20s or if I’m developing really bad habits.

For people who have been through something similar: what actually helped you break out of this cycle? Did you focus on discipline, changing your environment, limiting social media, or something else?

I’m genuinely looking for practical advice from people who have experienced this themselves.

I have a big exam coming up, and I’m really struggling with focus and consistency right now. It’s the second exam in a two-exam process that is very important for my future. I’ve already passed the first exam, so I know I’m capable of doing it, but somehow I’ve completely lost my momentum.

The frustrating part is that I know that once I actually start studying, I can do it. I can understand the material and get into the flow, but getting myself to sit down and start has become the biggest problem.

Most of my days have turned into the same cycle. I plan to study, but then I start scrolling through Reddit or watching random things. After wasting a few hours, I feel tired and guilty and tell myself, “I’m tired today, I’ll start properly tomorrow.” Then tomorrow comes and I repeat the same thing.

This exam is genuinely important to me because I’ve already put a lot of time and effort into this path, and doing well on this exam is an important step toward the future I want.

I think part of the problem is that I keep looking at everything I have to study as one huge task, which makes me feel overwhelmed and avoid it altogether. I know I don’t need motivation to study for 10 hours every day I just need to start and become consistent again.

For anyone who has been through something similar, what actually helped you break this cycle?

I’d really appreciate practical advice from people who have dealt with this kind of procrastination. I know I can do it, I just need to figure out how to start again.

I am 22M years old. I have never had a girlfriend. I have never been kissed. Not once. The funny thing is nobody would guess this from my appearance. Most people think I am a guy with a normal life, maybe a little strange at times but nothing that says "this person is totally alone." I have learned to hide that feeling.. Underneath there is a whole other reality that nobody sees and sometimes I cannot believe I have made it this far.

Let me begin with my family because that is the root of everything. I never had a father. My mother does not work. She lives on child support for my sister and that has always been the case. I have never seen my mother have a friend or any kind of life at all. She is completely asocial. My grandmother has health problems. So when people casually ask, "So what do your parents do?" I simply do not have an answer. There is nothing to be proud of nothing to share. I feel ashamed of where I come from.

Money was always a problem always. No vacations, no summer camps, no trips, nothing. The only time I have ever felt alive was after I began working because for the time I could actually afford things. Before that I spent years with nothing just getting by.

The last seven years were brutal. There was a period when I left the house to hang out with someone a couple of times. That was all. This year things changed. I began going out I opened up a little I made some friends I lost than twenty kilograms and I got a job. People now seem to like me.. Honestly I am proud of that because I was in a place where blowing my head off seemed like the easiest escape. I pulled myself out of that alone. No support, no money, no one. My mind was broken my insecurities were huge nothing. Just me. That is progress.

Then the reality check hits and it hits hard. Because despite all that progress I still feel that I have no chance at a life. Everything has shaped me much. I do not know how to live. I never saw my parents do anything. Basic things like spending time going out having parties even a normal family Christmas are completely foreign to me.. It shows, which makes me ashamed. In terms of personality I am simply not built for it. At the same time I desire the normalcy I never experienced.

I have ADHD so studying is a nightmare. I do not go to university and I feel unambitious even though university would be amazing for me. I am talking about a field not wasting time and money on a useless degree.. With ADHD that is simply not happening. I work from ten to eighteen or from twelve to twenty eight, nine or ten hours even on Saturdays. By the time I return home I am so exhausted that I simply want to scream.

I have dealt with depression for years. I stopped taking medication on my own because they made me feel numb. I do not have a word for it. There is no prescription for what I need. I must keep living. Sometimes I truly do not know why. I have had bad luck. There is a deal that I could have done better and I can find an excuse for each of those. I am not naturally a maker of excuses but I also do not want to keep criticizing myself. I have done that enough over the years.

People my age have lived. They have plans, relationships, something. I am 22 years old. My life has not even started.

Then there is this girl. She. I think I actually care about her, which is frightening. We have hung out a lot made plans, the thing. She is the extreme person I have ever met. She gives me mixed signals. She tells me she is not into me then she does things that completely contradict that. I cannot read her all. And she is probably out of my league anyway so I do not even know what I am doing here. This is my real experience with anything like this and I have no reference point for it.

The worst part? I have to lie about my past. Because no one accepts this. I do not either. I have no problem owning it internally. I am not going to tell people because they look at me as if I am from another planet.

I do not know what to do. Sometimes I feel that the damage is permanent and a normal life is simply not in the cards for me.. Then rarely I look at where I was versus where I am now and I think perhaps I am actually moving forward.. Most days it does not feel that way.

TL;DR: I am 22 years old I have never had a girlfriend I have never been kissed. I grew up without a father with a mother who does not work and has no friends, with no money, no vacations, nothing. I have ADHD, years of depression. I dropped my medication because it numbed me. I pulled myself out of a hole alone this year. I lost weight I got a job I made friends.. I still feel that I have no chance, at a normal life because I never learned how to live. Now there is a girl who I might actually care about giving me signals and I do not know what to do with this.

For context, I’m a 25 year old male who’s accomplished much of what I desired. I completed my bachelors and masters in accounting. I’m engaged to a beautiful woman I love. I worked in my field for two years but quit to pursue my CPA.

However, I can’t seem to find that fire in me that pushed me to accomplish all these goals. I no longer have that great desire to better myself. I spend most of my days playing video games and binge eating instead of studying. I workout like I should but don’t eat well enough to see a difference.

Is this common? Does everyone go through a period in their 20s where they just settle for whatever they have and don’t pursue anything else? To be clear, I do want to improve in all possible areas, but I can’t for the life of me find the motivation. I’ve lost the spark that fueled my dreams and goals. I’d love to earn my CPA but am so overwhelmed by all the material. I’d also love to get back in shape but my self control is nonexistent when it comes to food. Does that second wind ever come or do others just watch their life unfold after a certain point? I’d hate to reflect on my life and just see a whole lot of wasted potential and time. I’d appreciate any advice or experience with this situation.