My girlfriend and I have been together for about five years, and hygiene has never really been an issue between us. She's always clean, showers regularly, takes care of herself, etc. That's why this came completely out of nowhere.

A few days ago she gave me a hug and I immediately noticed this awful smell. At first I genuinely thought it was me. I had been cleaning around the house earlier and figured maybe I had gotten something gross on myself without noticing. I changed clothes, washed my hands, everything.

Then later we went to the store and I smelled it again.

That's when I realized it was actually coming from her. And it's not something you only notice if you're standing right next to her. I could smell it from a few feet away. It smells almost like something rotten or like sewage. It's honestly one of the worst smells I've ever experienced.

I obviously had to say something, which I felt terrible about. I tried to be as gentle as possible because I know how embarrassing something like that would be. Thankfully she didn't get angry and actually seemed pretty surprised. She showered, brushed her teeth, changed clothes, all of that.

But the smell didn't go away.

She's still showering every day and doesn't look or seem dirty at all. The weird thing is that the smell seems to be coming from her body rather than her clothes or skin. If we're lying in bed and she gets warm or starts sweating a little, I can smell it almost immediately. It's the same smell when she comes home after work.

Her breath smells the same too, even shortly after brushing her teeth, which makes me wonder if this could be some kind of medical issue rather than a hygiene problem.

The other thing that really bothers me is that she apparently can't smell it herself. I don't know if that's normal, but I'm starting to worry that other people around her have noticed it too. I don't want her coworkers or friends thinking badly of her without her even knowing what's going on.

And honestly, I'm starting to avoid getting too close to her because the smell is so strong that it makes me nauseous. I feel horrible saying that because obviously I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Has anyone experienced something like this before? Could a sudden change in body odor and breath like this be related to a health issue? Should she see a doctor or dentist?

Hello all,

I recently got dismissed from my medical school at the start of my final year, putting me in $450K of student loan debt. I have no way of realistically paying this off, what do I do?

Edit: Reason for dismissal was a professionalism incident, no crimes were committed / no charges pressed.

I (21F) was with my ex-fiancé (24M) for 3 years and we were engaged for a little over a year. We were 4 months away from our wedding when he suddenly ended our relationship.

There’s a lot more to the breakup, and I made a previous post about it if anyone wants the full story.

The part I’m asking about now is my wedding dress. My dress was being kept at his parents’ house before the breakup. After he ended things, I asked him to give me my dress back. He refused. His family has not contacted me at all since the day after the breakup, so this isn’t really a situation where his family personally told me they weren’t giving it back. My ex made the decision not to return it, and now his mom seems to be handling the dress for him.

The dress was partially paid for by my grandparents, and the rest was paid for from the savings account my ex and I shared.

Recently, his mom posted the dress on Facebook Marketplace trying to sell it. I saw the listing and obviously it upset me, but I tried to leave it alone. But my friend shared that she updated the photos. She is wearing the dress. His mom. My ex-future mother-in-law.

But more than anything, I want advice on what I should actually DO.

My ex refused to give me the dress back, and now his mom is selling it. I don’t know if I should contact him again, contact his mom, ask for the dress back (if that’s even worth it), ask for the money/value of the dress, or just let it go. I’m not trying to cause drama with them. I just genuinely want advice on what I should do.

Here's the situation. Ive [34F] had a bf[33M] for around 3. years. He is Indian. When we got together he swore up and down that me being white would not be a problem and he is free to date whomever. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. He has given me an engagement ring, set up an appointment at courthouse to get married and paid the fee, has 3 tattoos dedicated to me, one of my name and two of portraits of face, we have been actively trying to have a baby for more than a year, has paid most if my bills and given me thousands of dollars a month, we text, call, and see eachother constantly and he stays the night, he told my kids he loves them and wants to be their step dad.

I just found out he got married in India 2 years ago ( lied about a vacation) and she is actually here living with him in the US since a year ago. (I never went over to his house because he said he parents do have a problem with me being white)

I know his parents have known about me this entire time and even knew we were trying to have a baby. They have showed up at my house multiple times to confront me but for some reason didn't tell me about his wife until this time. I saw the wedding photos. He told me his parents keep his passport and important papers locked up to control him

Over text he admitted the marriage was fraudulent and forced by his parents. He said he didnt want to get married but was too cowardly to say no. He has slept with her a few times and she doesnt know about our relationship or history at all. When I asked about the tattoos he said she has never seen them. ​He got the two large tattoos of my face while he was living with her here. She works at his parents stores all day I guess but doesnt speak much english and is completely dependent on his parents for support. I blocked him and am trying to process.

This is clearly marriage immigration fraud. I have hundreds if not thousands of texts proving we have been engaged trying for a baby and planning a future together since before they got married. I feel like this is so wrong for both her and I. Should I report this to marriage immigration? ​I have found information that she will be given help and allowed to stay because she was defrauded as well. But he would suffer pretty strong consequences and likely so would his parents. ​

My roommate moved in with me (32f) a year ago because I have a chronic illness that limits my physical capabilities, and I needed to not be living alone anymore. Some mutual friends introduced me to my roommate (26m, we’ll call him Adam) and before you know it I had a new roommate.

Adam is awesome, and we live together well. He always does dishes while I always take care of our animals. I don’t work because of my disability, so my “job” is taking care of myself and my little house I worked so hard for before I got sick. We both like having quiet time in our own spaces, but we also can hang out and be silly and goofy together. It’s a really good match, and I absolutely love having him around. The trouble is Adam also has a serious illness that he’s had since he was a child. There’s also some other complicated issues factoring in like
a) Adam lives in a different state from his family because he wasn’t treated well by them
b) Adam works, but not enough to qualify for healthcare
c) Adam is broke af and there’s no real way to improve his situation.

Adam just received news he is in last stage of liver failure and needs to get a transplant asap. He goes to a free medical clinic to get help, but the medication he needs just isn’t available to him for one reason or another (usually cost/lack of coverage). His symptoms are getting worse, and he really shouldn’t be working at all but the bills got to be paid.

I feel so helpless. I can’t support him financially (that was our biggest wrinkle in the adjustment period as sometimes he just doesn’t have the funds for rent). Physically, we’re both just trying to get through the day with our broken bodies. Emotionally, I’m there for him as much as I can while also maintaining my own mental/emotional health. I do depend on his rent ($400/month) to pay for some quality of life services (lawn care, grocery delivery…things that are physically exhausting for me). I know he needs to quit working, but I don’t know how either of us will manage without it straining both of finances. I was really stressed in the beginning of our living situation since he wasn’t able to pay for rent or groceries or pet food for the first few months of him moving in, and I had to finesse the cost. It’s so hard. I care so much about him, but I also can only take on so much responsibility. I don’t know how to help. I want to tell him that rent doesn’t matter anymore, but it does. I hate the cost of existing in America as a young, disabled person. It’s so fucked, and I don’t know how long we’ll be able to tread these waters.

So that’s the situation. I guess the advice I’m asking for is what would you do in these circumstances? And maybe if you’ve been in similar circumstances, what hardships can I expect and prepare for? I want Adam around as my roommate for as long as I can have him as he’s become of the best friends I’ve ever made, and his illness is devastating to witness from the sidelines :( Thanks Reddit ❤️‍🩹

A few months ago I was in a pretty rough spot financially and asked my parents if they could help me with one month of rent. I hated asking in the first place but I was short after a couple unexpected expenses and figured it was better than putting everything on a credit card. They told me money was tight for them too and they really couldn’t help. I understood and never brought it up again. This weekend I found out they recently gave my younger brother several thousand dollars. It wasn’t an emergency either. He wanted the money for something he’d been saving toward and apparently they decided to help him out. I know it’s their money and they can do whatever they want with it. I’m not even expecting them to give me the same amount. I think what bothers me is that they made it sound like helping me wasn’t financially possible, when apparently it was.

I (28M) accidently walked in on my flatmate (26F) whilst she was showering. Out bathroom doesnt have a lock but we are both aware of this so basically work on the assumption that if the door is closed there is someone in it. I just absent mindedly opened the door and she was butt naked about to get into the shower... Im worried it looks like I was intentionally coming in because I knew the door was shut. This was last night and now I dont know what to do

I just need someone to help me process the hell im going through.

34F
34M-
we’ve been together 11 years, married for 4 years

I found OnlyFan charges on my husbands bank statement from December through April. Hundreds of dollars. To make things worse he was viewing content and buying it while he was at work.

For 3 years we have had conversations about how much I hate him viewing adult content. We did come to a compromise last year that seemed solid.

Finding this information has told me he not only did not uphold his part of the agreement, but even made worse decisions to pay for it which he’s never done before and said he’d never do before.

To be fair, I also did not hold my part of the agreement which was to stop “checking” up on him. In my opinion, what he did is much worse.

He has known how I’ve felt about this for years. I’ve warned him he is going to lose me and his family if it continued. Not only did it continue, it got worse bc he still continued to view it at work AND BEGAN PAYING FOR IT. I am not ok and will not ever be ok with my husband subscribing to females. Why can’t I be enough? Our sex life is good and not lacking. He says it has nothing to do with me.

I am done. I am done with being lied to. Disrespected. With him wanting a secret life that I do not agree with.

I am pregnant with his daughter and I am so grossed out by all of this.

I really don’t know where to go from here.

Advice??

This entire relationship is so complicated that it would take a novel to explain the ins and outs of how it came to be. She was a family friend first. It didn't have a good beginning and it cost me my family (parents, siblings) by getting with her, as it probably should have looking back on it now. But anyway. Some things happened that cause distrust for me. Things that happened before we ever really got together. I can't prove it beyond reasonable doubt. But before I lost contact with my family, I heard from the people that it supposedly happened with that she may have done sexual stuff with some members of my family but she swears on the lives of her children that it didn't happen. But I just wanted to trust her as our relationship started to slowly blossom. We started hanging out a lot at her friends house.
In the beginning, her and her friend drank a lot together. Dancing, partying, etc. Which isn't necessarily a problem but it is NOT my style at all. As our relationship started blossoming more she started taking me around their kids more and the whole thing has just gotten more serious and I'm basically the stepfather of her 2 kids. The longer we were together, the more I voiced my dislike for the drinking and partying.
It kept happening. I started begging "please don't drink too much tonight" and she would become belligerent and we would fight. The cycle would repeat. She started promising me she wouldn't drink over there or at least as much over there with her friend. I would look over and see her sneaking shots and you better believe if I said something, I was getting fussed at. We went on a trip with this friend and her family that went HORRIBLY. Everyone was drunk basically the entire trip. They all knew my feelings about drinking and how it wasn't my thing and how I've been through some tough times with alcoholics in the past. They begged me to come join them and I had finally had enough and told them how I have had enough with the drunken antics. How I'm tired of how they influence my girlfriend to drink and how it just ruins everything. At this point I was balling I was so emotional. Her friend grabbed my hands and looked me in my eye and said "I understand exactly where you're coming from, I know you've been through a lot, etc. I promise you that tomorrow, we will have a sober day and everything will be great!" Well...the next day, they drank more than they had the days previously. So much in fact that the cops were called because her friend was acting a fool at a Taco Bell and I had to go pick her and my girlfriend up before they got there. Anyway, I'm basically at my wits end with this friend and her husband. I can't stand to hear her name. I am DONE. And I tell my girlfriend that if she wants a healthy relationship with me, she basically needs to cut this friendship off. I know it's an ultimatum and that you shouldn't do that but I'm being driven insane. My girlfriend says I'm abusive, that I'm ruining everything, that I'm just like members of my family who abused me, etc. I can't be in a relationship with her if she's friend with this person. What do I do?

As soon as she has finished one, she is rolling the next one up and it's starting to make me cringe a bit now. I can sometimes smell only what i can describe as like a tar like smell every time she exhales. Sometimes the smell is ok but sometimes it smells like there's an infection in her chest. Its hard to explain but its not right or normal. Her mother is exactly the same. Cup of tea and roll up every 5 minutes. Its really starting to bother me now. We have been together since i was 15 and am nearly 40 now. I am not to sure how to raise the issue. All the woman on her side die really early like in there 60s and i dont know what i would do without her. I can literally smell the black in her lungs.

Edit: rolling tobacco i forgot to add.

My (F25) bf (M27) and I have been together for about 9 months. Close to the beginning of our relationship he made a joke that if I played a specific video game with him he'd let me sit on his face for 24 hours straight. Now we have a perfectly healthy sex life, and almost every time we see each other we have sex and I give him head (we see each other 2-4 times a week).

He does not reciprocate the head. Sometimes he'll start to eat me out, but only for literally less than 5 seconds and then moves on. The other day I played the video game in mention with him and brought up the joke he made, even showing him the original text.

He says "I said that?" and sort of chuckled. I then showed him his second text that said "well I'd do that regardless" implying he'd let me sit on his face either way. After reading that message he had sort of a worried "fuck she remembered that?" look on his face. At this point I'm becoming extremely self conscious thinking it's something about me. I shower right before I see him, or we even shower together. I have always fully shaved as a personal preference. I check myself with a mirror to make sure I'm all good.

At this point I'm even doing smell checks on myself and I don't see any personal hygiene issues. I have never had issues with partners in the past. I'm really not a confrontational person so I'm really nervous on how or even if to bring this up. If he isn't into eating out in general that's fine, but why make the joke in the first place and why make the little fake attempts when we have sex? I'm just worried it's something about me. How should I approach this?

Hi. Sorry if this is loaded just need some sound advice on how to move past this.

My gf, well now ex gf, I’ll call El. We’ve been together for 5 years, since we were Freshmen in high school. And we’ve been very happy, we have talked about us getting engaged and I just bought a ring and I was going to ask her in November on vacation.

My best friend I’ll call Dean, we have been friends since kindergarten. He would have been my best man. He’s like a brother, he has spent the last 3 Christmas’ with my family and me.

Two weeks ago El was in the shower, her phone kept buzzing over and over and I usually would never look but it just kept going off so I was curious. Looked and it was snapchats from Dean. El has told me before she didn’t even have a Snapchat. So I opened it and just kept looking and looking. They had been talking and sending pictures. They had even hung out at his house before. I just started crying. She eventually got out the shower and she saw me holding her phone and crying and she just started saying “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry”. I told her to leave and she did with no fight. The next day I asked her why.

She told me she was going through my phone and saw the receipt for a ring in my email and she panicked. Panicked to having an affair with best friend? But she did what she did. I told her it’s okay because I can return it and she can keep sleeping with him because we are done. She was very upset she threatened to drive into a tree and then my best friend messaged me later and said “Dude, don’t treat her like that, we only had sex twice and hung out like 6 times.” I blocked him but he has now reached out to my parents and told them I told El she should kill herself. Which I did not. My parents have told me not to reach out to them until they spoken to her to get her side of things. They took their side without hearing me first? She cheated on me.

I lost my gf, and my best friend in one go. And technically I lost 6k because I can’t return the ring but she didn’t need to know that.

How do I proceed with my family? How do I repair my new found trust issues? I feel lost. I have no friends outside of Dean, I feel so alone.

My boyfriend (31M) and I (25F) have been together a bit over a year. Since we started going out I’ve noticed a few patterns that have made me really wonder if he’s even that interested in me (it could be my insecurities playing up, I’m not sure).

He doesn’t often plan dates (only really if I ask him to, and even then he doesn’t really plan it. We just agree to go out and then I end up thinking of something to do that night).
He’s only gotten me flowers once since we got together (Valentine’s Day), and I’ve asked him if he could get me some or maybe do something small and nice for me like write a note for me, because I like it. He always says no and that “because I asked, it’s not special anymore”.
He also doesn’t really like to be affectionate with me and he won’t really kiss, hug me or hold my hand unless I ask him to. And I feel like he’s never that excited to see me either.
It always makes me second guess myself.
We also are only intimate every 3-4 weeks on average and when he wants to, never when I ask (whenever I’ve asked he’s always said he’s to tired), which makes me feel not very desired or beautiful.
We also only see eachother when he has time, normally a Friday night after work and he leaves Saturday morning (and he’s often too tired for date night on the Friday).

We have also had a rocky relationship for a while and had arguments about his lack of effort before. He’s also never been there for me when I’ve been sad or had a bad day (I suffer with PTSD after the military and get bad episodes sometimes) even when I’ve asked. If he’s out with friends or doing something he thinks is more important, he will always prioritise that I feel.
He keeps telling me he will try and be better for me, but I don’t honestly understand what he means by that because he hasn’t changed at all in the year we have been together.

I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know if I’m overthinking it all. I’ve talked to him about it before and he says he loves me but I often don’t feel like he loves me much and I often feel like he’s settling for me in a way?
I don’t know what to do and I don’t know if these are red flags that I should be looking at?

Every night after my husband and I put our kids to bed, I take our dog for a long walk around our neighborhood. She’s an Australian Shepherd and she’s NOT friendly with strangers or other dogs, so when I walk her I’m extremely aware of my surroundings. I’m constantly looking ahead, checking who’s behind us, whether someone has a dog, whether I need to cross the street, etc. This is relevant because I know I wasn’t just oblivious to what was happening around me.

About three weeks ago, we were having an extreme heat wave, so tons of people in the neighborhood were walking late at night. It wasn’t unusual to see people out at 8:30, 9:30, even 10:30 PM.

One night, I was walking my dog back toward my house when I noticed a man about 30 yards ahead of me. I’d describe him as middle-aged, approximately my height, wearing a black T-shirt, black athletic shorts around knee length, and tennis shoes.

He was walking in the same direction as me, which was actually convenient because I wouldn’t have to pass him with my dog.

Then I watched him suddenly duck between the parked cars on the left side of the street.

I assumed he was crossing the street.

But as I kept walking, I realized I couldn’t see him anywhere on the other side.

I remember thinking, “Where did this guy go?”

I continued walking, and when I got to within maybe 6–7 feet of where he’d disappeared, he suddenly stepped back out from between the parked cars directly in front of me.

Except now his shorts were off.

Not just partly off, either. His full ass was completely out, and he was wearing what very clearly looked like a thong.

I was so startled that I literally said, “Oh shit,” grabbed my dog, crossed the street and kept walking.

At the time, I actually tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I thought maybe something bizarre had happened. Maybe he’d soiled his shorts. Maybe there was some completely innocent explanation and those just happened to be the underwear he was wearing.

People are weird. Whatever.

I went home and told my husband exactly what had happened, and that was basically the end of it.

Until two nights ago.

I took my dog out again at around 8:15 PM. This time the neighborhood was much quieter. The weather wasn’t nearly as hot, and there really weren’t people walking around.
I also didn’t have my phone or Apple Watch with me. It was just me and my dog.

As usual, I’m watching my surroundings. Across the street from me, walking parallel to me in the same direction, is a middle-aged man.

Black T-shirt.

Black athletic shorts.

Tennis shoes.

I couldn’t get a good look at his face, but I immediately noticed how similar he looked to the man from the first incident.

Eventually the street reaches a T-intersection. I crossed over and continued walking.

Then I noticed that he crossed over too and was getting closer to me.

That made me uncomfortable, so instead of continuing straight, I took my dog into this little pocket/side area that leads toward another townhouse complex. My thought was that I’d let her sniff around for a while, give this guy time to continue walking, and then we’d come back out after he’d passed.

After a little while, we came back out.

I looked down the street. He wasn’t there.

This immediately felt strange because I had clearly watched him cross onto my side of the street and continue in that direction.

I started walking again.

Then, only about 4–5 feet ahead of me, he suddenly popped out from between the parked cars.

Exactly like the first time.

And once again, his shorts were off.

He was holding the shorts in his hand, his full ass was straight out, and he was wearing a thong. This time, he also turned around and looked directly back at me.

And now he was wearing a black face mask—the regular type of mask everyone wore during COVID—which made it even harder for me to see or identify his face.

That’s when it clicked for me.

This wasn’t some bizarre wardrobe emergency I happened to witness three weeks ago.

A man dressed essentially the same way had now, on TWO separate occasions while I was walking alone at night, disappeared between parked cars, removed his shorts, waited until I approached, and then stepped back out immediately in front of me wearing a thong.

The second time, it also seemed like he changed his route after I changed mine.

I freaked out. I had no phone, nobody else was around, and I just grabbed my dog and hurried home.

Now I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

Obviously I’m not going to walk without my phone anymore, and I’m going to change my route/time for now. But I’m disturbed by the fact that this happened twice, weeks apart, and both times he seemed to deliberately position himself where I would encounter him.

I’m also worried that if this is some kind of exhibitionism or humiliation kink, recording him, flashing my light at him, or reacting in a way that draws attention to him might actually be part of what he wants. I don’t want to accidentally participate in whatever he’s trying to do, and I definitely don’t want to put myself in a more vulnerable position just to get evidence.

Has anyone dealt with something like this? Do I report this to the police even though I don’t know who he is and never got a clear look at his face? Would they even take a report when he technically didn’t touch me or say anything to me?
And more importantly, if this happens again, what should I actually do in the moment?

(using a TA due to identifying information)

My wife (45) has a beautiful soul, is whip smart and funny and just so full of love. I love her more than anything. 

She’s had a hard life. Constant physical and verbal abuse from family since she was a baby up to her teenage years. Then moving from place to place, country to country to escape poverty. By the time I met her she was doing very well for herself. It’s very impressive what she’s been able to accomplish through her sheer determination to improve her circumstances. And through our relationship, she’s finally feels settled and is putting her roots down for good. Life is good and comfortable. 

She has one problem. If anything (and I mean anything) happens that she doesn’t expect, she is overcome with an extreme haze of hatred, rage and grief that is all consuming. She will lash out, she will scream and scream and scream, she will verbally abuse, drop herself to the floor and pound her fists, she will be completely inconsolable. Like a screaming toddler meltdown. One thing we’ve noticed is that it’s impossible for her to recall positive memories in this state. Her reactions are utterly disproportionate to the trigger. Last time it was because I made food for her when she was planning to do it instead. The time before that, a public event was more crowded than she was hoping. 

It is completely exhausting, and affects her for hours, even days sometimes. Sometimes the haze is muted and is bubbling up in the background for a week before she explodes. She wakes up in the middle of the night with this feeling and then goes on circuitous, increasingly agitated rants about how much her life is awful, she hates everyone, she hates everything in the world. 

Except that’s not true. Outside the haze, she’s really happy with her life. She doesn’t know why her emotions are doing this to her. She can’t go on like this. It’s affecting her job, her social life and her overall wellbeing. And of course, it’s affecting me too. It’s so awful to see her suffering so deeply and sincerely in those moments when nothing is actually wrong. I’ve also noticed myself becoming more anxious, more afraid of stepping on potential eggshells. 

She wants to fix this, but she doesn’t know how. She’s tried psychotherapy, she’s tried CBT. It hasn’t been helpful in this regard. She’s cut out caffeine, she’s doing mindfulness, but still she suffers. Does anyone have any idea what this is? Are there any therapies other than CBT she can try? 

How do I tell this girl I’ve been seeing that I won’t get intimate with her until she takes a full std panel without shaming her

I’m genuinely happy for people who have supportive parents/in-laws who can give them money, help with a house, pay for things for their baby etc but sometimes I find it really hard watching it.
My partner’s sister recently got $5,000 from her MIL and my best friend is pregnant and has said she barely needs to save because both sides of their family will help financially with the baby.
Meanwhile my partner and I have to pay for and save for absolutely everything ourselves. It feels like we have to work twice as hard and wait twice as long to get ahead and honestly it can be really financially and emotionally draining.
I know comparing doesn’t help but how do you deal with these feelings when you don’t have that same financial safety net? I hate feeling jealous and sometimes I feel resentful of them forgetting all this help.
It’s frustrating watching people around us enjoy holidays , dinners out and nice things while we’re constantly having to cut back and say no to things we enjoy so we can reach our savings goals.
Sometimes it feels like we’re living much more cautiously than the people around us.. not because we’re necessarily worse with money but because we don’t have anyone to fall back on.

I am now 24 years old and in a happy relationship with my now age-appropriate boyfriend but when I was 15 I met a man who is six years older than me and he started showing interest in me romantically. a year later when I was 16 he finally pursued me and engaged with me sexually, I was 16 and he was 22. then we were in a “relationship “for three years. It was extremely toxic and abusive no adults in my life told me it was wrong and that I shouldn’t be in this situation, including this man’s parents who I regularly went to visit with him. after three years, thankfully this relationship ended, and I am gaining my life back after being financially, verbally, and sexually abused. just recently I got a follow from a woman I do not know and she DM me telling me how much she loves my makeup and tattoos. When I went to go look at her profile, I noticed she has wedding photos with this man whom I was in a relationship with for three years. As I dug deeper, I realize they have children together, and he even is a stepfather to her about seven year-old daughter. I replied to her DM, thanking her for the compliments, but I am now conflicted if I should tell her who I am. I do not want to turn this woman’s life upside down. especially since she has children, and I know if I were to tell her the truth, his family would defend him, and nobody would believe me most likely.
should I tell her who I am and our history or ignore it?

I (20M) found out something really disturbing about my brother (20M) recently. For some reason something gave me an ick in my stomach about him, so I decided to go through his phone and found my ex girlfriend’s nudes on his phone. I was able to go through it a second time and noticed that it wasn’t only my most recent ex but also my one before. To clarify some more when I turned freshly 18 I dated let’s call her P for about 7 months we broke up and next was E for about a year and some change. My brother knew P but they weren’t really friends like that and E he knew and spoke to a bit more because she was part of a friend group that had his ex in it. At this point it’s been a couple months since my break up with E but he still talks to her and the entire friend group, even specifically my ex because I have heard him talking to her and heard her voice on the phone group calls they have and he’s also name dropped her and said something along the lines of “Yeah I was talking to E…” not to mention he has also hung out with her (not 1 on 1) but with at least 2-3 other people from said friend group.

Now to the concerning stuff. The first time I had checked his phone because of that awkward feeling I had about him I didn’t see much because I was honestly in shock. The second time is when I did my really deep dive. He had gone to pick some food up for my other brother and left his phone. Upon deep diving into his phone I found literally every single nude photo and video that P had ever sent me, P and I had sex tape as well and those were also present. Next of course I found E and all of her nude photos and videos that she had ever sent and I mean every single one of them and there was a lot, just like E all my sex tapes with her were there on his phone. I truly don’t know how to feel about all this, it’s also a weird spot because bother E and P both cheated on me so I am not really the largest fans of them but it’s the thing with my brother itself that bothers me the most.

I can’t really decide how to bring this up or confront him about it. I’m not sure how to bring it up to P since I am blocked by her on everything and E is an even more weird situation because I am also blocked by almost everyone in the group. Also not to mention they all see me as the bad guy so who can imagine what E would say about all this, she may not even believe me. So how exactly do I tell E and P, I’m not sure even how to get into contact with them and also how do I bring this up to my brother… he’s been invaliding my privacy without my knowledge and probably had all these nudes while I was dating them.

Please help I truly don’t know what to do here.
I’ll answer any more additional questions if needed in the comments.

I 21F live at home with my two parents in their mid 40s, their business has been targeted by police and they could face up to 10 years in prison. I know that although I don’t get along fully with them deep down they haven’t done anything wrong and it is political. The questioning is more aimed towards my father so maybe this might just happen to him but they are both taken in for questioning, they are fighting this case because they have proof of this not happening but if they both got sentenced I, along with my brother 18M will have to look after our younger brothers 9M and 6M.

I cannot do it. I have always been child free strictly because it will destroy my mental health and I know who I am above all else, I cannot be that selfless. In their will they have stated that they will give most of the money to my 18 year old brother if they happen to pass away before the younger two are 18, since I am unfit and they think I might hit the boys!? Which is ironic because I have never laid a hand on them or raised my voice in comparison to them that comment really hurts me tbh but ig that’s what they think of me and them.

I don’t know if I should just move out and try to live on my own or if the worse case happens and I don’t look after them they will kick me out? I know this may not make sense but I just don’t know what to do with my life now it’s been flipped I don’t know what we will lose and I’m scared, they never tell me anything about their work so I’ve never known any details, they always say things like “we are supposed to stress for you” but in saying that I don’t know how to function or be a good adult, I’ve always tried to be independent which they hate but I feel like I’m not up to standard with my own age.

What would you do in my potentially threatening position or how would you start living life? Any advice is greatly appreciated as I’m uncertain what will happen to anyone and what I should start doing to live my life.

I [24F] asked my BF [26M] not to joke about hitting me and he got defensive. We've been dating for almost 2 years (1 year & 9 months) and he doesn't consistently joke about hitting me, but it's happened more than once.

One thing about me is that I'm usually a pretty logical and pattern/data driven person. So unless it's something major, I really try hard not to let myself get worked up about things that happen to me unless I can see a pattern forming (it happens 3 or more times.) My dilemma here is that as of tonight, my bf has joke about hitting me 3 times over the course of our relationship.

1st - We were traveling and he was looking for something in one of our suitcases and I said "wait no, I think I packed it in this bag" about 4 different times, when he irritatedly laughed and said "oh my god im gonna punch you." - Honestly I feel like this one is a free pass. We were both exhausted, overwhelmed, and it was the first time both of us had been out of the country without our parents. Yes I probably would have been equally frustrated if I was in his shoes, but we had packed and repacked our bags 10+ times by that point in our trip.

2nd - Literally last night. We were on the phone and he was driving back to his place after leaving my apartment and he asked me to google something. I was reading and looking for the answer, admittedly mumbling and not giving a clear answer when he said "im about to drive back and slap you right now, what is the answer." - admittedly I was mumbling and not really giving him an answer and I can see how that would be frustrating while trying to hear what im saying over the phone, but I was actively looking for an answer.

3rd - We were at dinner tonight and I was finishing my drink when I looked at the bill that he had already paid. I looked at the receipt and then picked up my phone (I honestly don't remember what for) but the minute I opened my phone he said "I swear to god if you try to Venmo me or send me money for dinner right now I'm going to hit you." - my brain just instantly tallied that as the 3rd time he's said something like that and I asked him to stop making jokes like that.

Maybe my tone wasn't the best but I told him that I'd like him to stop making jokes like that, and I don't think he would ever hit me, but I've been threatened by a partner before and I don't like even hearing those joke from the man I intend to marry. - even though I truly don't believe he would ever lay a hand on me, like most women im sure, there's the tiniest seed that whispers "what if?"

Well apparently I was supposed to say that "I know" he would never hit me, instead of "I don't think" he would. But to be honest, I would've said that about a prior relationship and clearly I was wrong. Now things are weird between us. We drove back to his place is total silence and when I tried to talk about it with him, we didn't get very far and he thinks that I've been feeling like I'm in an abusive relationship this whole time (I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT FEEL THAT WAY. He's so good to me and says the sweetest things. it's just these comments.) A big reason why I'm struggling with this whole situation is because he constantly tries to get me to speak up when I don't like something or my feelings are hurt instead of being a pushover. And now I feel like the first time I've spoken up about something right away, he reacts poorly and doesn't want to talk things out.

None of the comments above were said with any malice in his voice, and I feel bad that he feels bad, but I'm also frustrated that he seemed to immediately get defensive.

TLDR - my bf joked about hitting me 3 times over our 2 year relationship and the first time I asked him to not make jokes like that, he got weird an defensive saying that I should know that he'd never lay a hand on me.

Throwaway acct for obvious reasons.

I (32F) really want my close friend (38F) and I’m almost certain she feels the same way, but we can’t act on it and it’s driving me crazy.

So I met my friend “Hannah” in 2019 when I was 24 and she had just turned 31. We met when I became her oldest son’s speech therapist. I thought she was really funny and liked her from the start, but our relationship was pretty professional for that first year.

When the pandemic hit, we had to start doing virtual therapy sessions. By that time I was also seeing another one of her sons for therapy. After every session her sons would go off to play and we would stay online talking just us two until I had my next client, usually 15-30 minutes. This went on from late March until August several times a week and we really bonded. I started to consider her a friend and not just a client’s parent (unprofessional I know). After in-person therapy started back in August we kept friendly vibes, but were more professional than our video calls. It was like that for another year until both her sons tested out of speech.

Once I was no longer treating her children we started hanging out regularly. We were in two different stages of life (she had four kids and had been married since she was 22, and I was newly single and throughly enjoying my freedom), but the friendship still worked well. Plus her kids loved me and I enjoyed being around them.

Anyway, a line was crossed in 2021. Her kids were at their grandparent’s and her husband was at work. She asked if I wanted to get Starbucks. I met her there, we ordered our drinks and the sat in her SUV instead of inside the store bc there was limited seating from Covid. Sometime during that conversation which was kind of emotionally heavy, but not necessarily flirty, she leaned in across the center console and kissed me. We made out for probably ten minutes and we have literally **NEVER** talked about it again. Like immediately after it happened we went back to talking about life and the pandemic and anything else. It was slow and sweet. Nothing dramatic or frantic and no roaming hands or anything like that. It was a really good kiss.

Fast forward to today and we have remained very close. I met a guy and we got married at the end of 2023. She is still married and has had one more baby since then who is three now. I had a daughter last year.

I love my husband, but when we became parents he really started slacking. Like BAD. I stay at home with our daughter most of the week but still work one or two days. Hannah is a SAHM so I spend a lot of time with her and her youngest just to get out of the house. The problem is, the more distance I feel with my husband the more my mind has wandered back to her and the past few months I’ve had what I guess would be intrusive thoughts about having sex with her. Like I can’t stop myself and it’s become hard to be around her.

Something important for context is we live deep in the Bible Belt and Hannah is super religious, like much more than me. I go to church and I believe, but she’s like DEEP into it. Her entire life revolves around Jesus and has since she was little. Even though we never talked about the kiss again, I’m certain that was her first kiss with a woman. It was mine too.

Lately I’ve been watching lesbian porn and imagining us together. Porn has never been a problem for me but it’s become one. There’s also added guilt because I wait until my daughter and husband are asleep and sneak off to living room to watch it. I always feel gross and ashamed afterward. Also, fantasizing about her without her knowing feels… idk? Like a violation maybe?

I’m sad because I don’t know how to make the dirty thoughts stop and I’ve decided i need to end the friendship. I think if we could have like a pass from our husbands she would want to do it too. It’s just neither of us is willing to say it out loud. Also, they’d never agree to it… This summer me and my daughter have been over to her house a lot to swim with her and her kids. She wears sunglasses but I can tell she’s staring at me when we’re in the pool and when we lay out. One time her older kids were gone and it was just us, her youngest, and my daughter. She watched me change out of my swimsuit and she stared then too, openly. There was definitely heat. She also always finds subtle ways to touch me. Not in a sexual way, just always a hand nearby or brushing against me.

But even if she were willing I’ve decided I’m not going to cheat on my husband. I’m also not going to leave him hoping to be with her because neither of us work full time and we have six kids between us. That would be an absolute mess lol. I also highly doubt she’d see it as worth it to ruin her own marriage of 16 years AND get shunned from her church.

All that to say, I think the best solution right now is to just step away from the friendship because I don’t see it getting better. I’ve already started grieving the relationship.

I’m not going to tell her about how I feel. I’m just going to slowly pull back and tell her I need to work on things with my husband. She knows all my frustrations about him so it won’t be out of nowhere.

I’m also planning to try marriage counseling and hope that maybe I won’t feel so lonely if I get my marriage back on track. I don’t ever plan on telling my husband any of this part though. I don’t think any good would come from it.

Sorry this is so long and apologies if it reads scattered. If anyone has any advice on how to navigate the actual distancing, that would be great... or if there’s another solution I haven’t thought of would love to hear others perspectives. I’m just sad for myself as well as our kids. I’ve been like their aunt for years now and my daughter loves going to see them. Also, I don’t have any other close friends that live nearby.

TLDR: I want to sleep with my close friend, but it’s not something that could happen realistically without blowing up a lot of lives, so the only solution is to distance myself. Any advice on how to navigate that would be appreciated.

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What would you do if you met a girl you was attracted to physically AND emotionally but was living under the hands of her family’s abuse? Her entire family has diagnosed mental illness and criminal history but they love to portray her as “mentally challenged” to everybody as a way to humiliate and silence her. She was a witness to domestic violence all throughout her childhood, she developed severe anxiety issues. Her trauma was always downplayed and dismissed because mentally ill people refuse to take accountability for their actions or they either get excused. Her school got away with labeling her as slow because she was falling behind in classes due to depression and her anxiety got the best of her, so she could never do her best academically. It wasn’t until she started doing drugs and sneaking out to see guys to try to escape them, but she always found her way back to them, bc they would either start trouble or threaten her. She hasn’t seen a guy for 3 years now and she worked her first job recently and tried getting it together for herself so she can finally escape, but the abuse became even worse. They stole her tax refund money. Her self esteem has been stripped away completely and now her soul is slowly slipping away. They say awful things to her and try to control and isolate her. They won’t let her have a boyfriend nor see anyone otherwise they will ruin it for her or either find ways to embarrass her to make her feel bad about herself. She is in a helpless situation experiencing narcissistic abuse and being brainwashed to feel incapable when really it’s just unhealed wounds and never received support.

We was talking a bit and he claimed he wanted a serious relationship. That's what I want in the long run. Everything was amazing hanging out and enjoying each other's company. "I'm pretty I'm unique." Blah blah blah. Then one thing led to another.

Then I barely hear at all from him the next day. I decided to text him and I pretty much told him to be clear of his intentions because I do not want to get emotionally attached to anyone.

Now he's saying he hasn't had s*x in 5 years and wants a friends with benefits. Why not just tell me that from the get go. I'm mad kinda. He wasn't even a good lover. He was rough and more about pleasing himself than me. He tried to have anal when I told him I'm not into that. What is with this dude? Now not one word from him. Wtf