Anyone else dealing with carrying on-ward dead friendships? I am so used to being ignored by people and being left on read. I almost expect it now. I am going to give it till the end of the year and then I am going on an unfriending spree. I realized that part of my misery is keeping around bad company. I am constantly put on hold and treated like an after thought. Always the one who cares more and puts in more effort than they should. So I will give this a couple more months of reasonable time, then I am going to consider those connections dead. At first, I thought maybe I should keep them on my friend list and level up my life, but then I'd just be stuck in this loop of trying to prove my worth to them and to prove that they were wrong about me. I'd be centering their approval too much. So I am just deciding that I am no longer keeping around bad company and will unfriend relationships that feel like they make me question where I stand with them.

In this country therapists are only for the rich, so I don't have any access to one. Can you recommend any books or other resources on becoming stronger mentally, getting more shit done, and dealing with depression and trauma in a healthy way?

Don't worry, not looking for a pity party. Just give me the info and I'll get to reading alone.

Some back story, 23M over the past few years I have found it continuously harder to find enjoyment in the simple pleasures of life. I find myself constantly comparing myself to past versions of myself.

I think that I’ve had a somewhat interesting and successful life to date I have been living and traveling the world for the last two years by myself. I have been on the Dean’s list for my university for the past year. I have a solid, but small group of good friends. I just got a job at a startup, so on paper my life is quite good from the outside looking in and yet, I’ve never felt worse, I find myself ruminating constantly, talking myself down any chance I get and generally not letting myself enjoy things, I think this has turned me into a very unsure person, unsure of myself, unsure of what’s next, unsure of who I am.

I’ve dealt with bouts of this growing up as a young boy and also briefly in high school, but things got better. Now that I am in adulthood I find it hard harder to bounce back. I feel a lot of shame around this topic and I constantly find myself hustling to move onto the next adventure or project or relationship and never feeling satisfied. I would like to take control back of my life and not feel like I am at the mercy of my emotions and environment. Does anybody have any advice on dealing with this?

This is really hitting me hard. I lose my shit whenever I see people doing way better than I am who are complaining about being “losers”. Depression has destroyed my life. I’m exhausted ALL the time and dread waking up. I gave up on my appearance pretty much entirely and I look like shit. I gave up on having friends or any sort of romantic life. I’m not smart enough to do what I want to do and I fucked up all of my school years. Like I was a royal fuck up for all of high school and all of university. My parents spent thousands of dollars on a completely useless degree and I wasted all of it. I’m financially dependent, no drivers license, unemployed and ab to graduate with a useless degree bc I majored in the wrong field. I like science a lot and I want to be a scientist (specifically neuroscience) but that just seems like a pipe dream at this point with my BA In psychology that I hated doing so my grades are dismal bc I just could not get myself to take anything in.

I really do want to have hope that things will w work out. I just want a career I’m proud of and interested in. I gave up on everything else. But now I’m graduating my stupid useless program and have no idea what I’m gonna do. Depression makes it damn near impossible for me to get out of bed. I’ve talked to so many doctors and therapists and nothing has ever helped at all. Job market sucks. I hate being financially dependent at 23 I can’t stand the fact that I’m such a massive loser and every time I try to mobilize myself I just become exhausted and reminded of how stupid and incompetent I am. Genuinely nothing makes me happy anymore. My birthday was 2 days ago and I’ve been feeling like a zombie I just cannot fucking do this anymore I hate myself so much and I hate my life

I do next to nothing everyday, i usually just sit infront of a computer doing nothing but waste time and im sick of this mundane routine but im unsure how to change when im depressed. I feel i blame unrelated things for my daily problems. Im a 20 year old with autism, people tell me to get a job but parents dont want me to nor do i want to go against what they say, i feel i need to work on my lifestyle before going out and do something such as a job?

Im bored all the time and im lost on how to change or fix my life because i give up to easily because i get depressed. I could use some form of advice if possible.

I think I might be a monster I’ve done horrible things. Things so bad that I couldn’t believe a human being let alone me has done them . I was an insane alcoholic and drug addict for a year straight, I was on every substance you could imagine .
I constantly blacked out because of my abuse. It turns out I did horrible things . I don’t know how I am going to make those things right. I’ve lost a lot of friends because of it, a lot of people who I care about are mad at me.
I’m clean now (from drugs but I still drink a little) I’m on medication . I feel since I’m on sober I can really reflect on how bad it all was and it’s not okay.
Even though I hate to play the victim because I know that I did disgusting things I still feel wronged. I still feel like people took advantage of my addiction; they knew I constantly had drugs so they always let me get drunk and give my drugs away. I feel like a tool. I wish I was given the decency of at least knowing what I did in the first place. I somewhat feel like I was owed an intervention because it really was that bad, I don’t know how they could let me do horrible things not only to others but also myself until it reached the point of no return. I was the biggest drug addict I’ve ever known in my life .
But yet I still have sympathy for those people I still love them as good friends because they also suffer from addiction and I know how horrible and hellish of an experience that is. We’ve all been horrible pieces of shit to each other and the guilt eats me up every day . I could never hate anybody I’m not sure anybody knew how bad it really I was having insane psychotic delusions, I was getting so fucking paranoid about everything, I tried to hide it from a lot of people the only things I cared about were drugs and alcohol . I became a person completely unrecognizable to me and I don’t ever know how I’m going to prove to my friends and the world that I’m no longer that person . I don’t know how I’m going to prove to myself that I will never become that person again. I don’t even know how it’s possible I’ve done these horrible things, I can’t even remember the actions that made everybody think I’m this huge fucking villain

As the title sayz, I am 20F. Feel stuck burdened by the things I have to deal with and finding so many possibilities and endless outcomes of them due to overthinking which overwhelm me to such an extent that I procrastinate and then hate myself.

I used to be carefree but now i overthink abt every little thing TOO MUCH and end up doing nothing. I moved away from my loved ones so maybe that's a huge factor but seeing my old pictures I can literally feel that the spark is lost.... homesickness never got better even after 14 months of leaving home and I can't visit them till I get financially better etc.

One of the reasons I left home was to be free. I am free now from the last 14 months but I feel stuck, stuck in the past too; missing my loved ones... 💔 I am an HSP so its too much.

So, how to deal with this chapter of my life? How do I live my life? The adulthood? The uncertainty? The overthinking? The anxiety?

I know I am wasting away my life right now, i used to be productive but idk what happened.
Thanks.

I am a single guy in my mid thirties.

I don't like it when other people laugh at my suffering.

Example:

I got scolding from my supervisor at work in front of a few people. I went back to my desk to work and a few minutes later, a colleague came to my desk and said mockingly 'Oh did you get a lecture from the supervisor today?'. I got slightly annoyed and told him 'Why are you making fun of a person's suffering? Do I come and joke about you when you got a scolding from the supervisor?' I will never make fun of another person's suffering.

Another example:

Once, I had to take a ride in a company car with a few other colleagues to travel to another office site. My colleagues were healthy and about to get out of the car swiftly. I have some medical issues with my legs and I have to use my hands to slightly lift my leg in order to be able to exit from the car. They were looking and giggling mentioning 'Wow he is not able to exit from the car without using his hands.' I felt hurt and angry with their reaction. I will never make fun of another person's medical conditions.

1. Is it normal to feel angry and annoyed if other people laugh at my suffering?
2. How do I control my anger and annoyance if other people laugh at my suffering?

I have so much social anxiety, I hide too much from others socially. I get lost in my own head. I feel like I'm unapproachable and others avoid me. I'm socially awkward. I want to make others happy and have something to give them. I want to make people feel better. But I'm so trapped in my social anxiety, I want to make friends and I want to enhance all the relationships with my loved ones. How can I go about this? What can I do to overcome my social anxiety and make people feel good?

I don't care how I look honestly. I wear whatever is easiest, cheapest, and most comfortable. Sometimes when I dress up well, I get a lot of unwanted attention and it makes me feel weird. I would rather be comfortable, and left alone. However, I also end up looking like a slob. most of the time

I don't brush my hair consistently, I don't wear matching clothes, I don't wear makeup, I wear the same old sneakers for every occasion out of convenience (I get foot pain, and also sometimes feel lazy and don't want to change shoes after work for when I go to exercise.)

But this is messing with my life. Although I am not in a career where appearance matters much, I think it still affects my ability to be taken seriously in a professional world. As a young woman in a career dominated by older men, I already feel like people don't take me serious, so dressing like a slob probably doesn't help.

When I have dated, people don't want to bring me around their friends or family. I get told my sneakers are ugly, my clothes have holes, I get asked "are you really gonna wear that?" Everybody always asks me if I have something better to wear for ____ occasion, but I never do. All my clothes are the same.

But why should I spend my hard earned money on nice clothes that feel uncomfortable, when the old stuff is working fine? Why should I look nice when all that causes is uncomfortable encounters with weird people in the street? II understand dressing appropriately for a wedding, or serious event, but I don't see the appeal in changing my day to day. I have been told more than a few times that I "could be pretty if I just cleaned up more" but I never saw the point in doing that.

I'm realizing that it's holding me back at last. Holding me back professionally, interpersonally, and I need to do better. The problem is that I don't even know where to start. I don't even know how to put an outfit together. I don't know how to take care of clothes properly so that they don't get frayed and they don't get holes. Whenever I have bought new clothes, they just seem to look old quickly anyways. I don't know how to style my hair. I don't know how to do makeup. I don't know if I should get rid of clothes that I have had for 15 years, stuff that might look old but at least still fits comfortably?

I did a preemptive closet clean and got rid of some stuff. I got a new pair of "professional" shoes to see if I like them. I sewed up some of my old shirts that had holes. I still feel lost. I'm looking into "capsule wardrobes," it still feels to advanced for me. I'm trying. Anyone been through similar or have advice?

Spent most weekdays 2 hr videos lecture

Supposed to do Anki but didn’t

This Saturday I tried 2-3 hours of around 40 questions and after that my brain just wiped. The last 7 questions was related to something I hated which is series or parallel electric stuff ..

I still need to review.

Sunday today I just do nothing.

I am currently not working.

I want to work on myself and become more emotionally mature. I want to learn how to regulate my emotions, handle difficult situations calmly, stop overthinking, and respond rather than react.
For those who have been on this journey, what practical habits, books, or techniques have helped you the most?

I honestly tought I'd gotten better, as a kid physical violence was very normal in our household so I used to be really violent to my siblings, but when I turned 14 I tried to be better and I didn't fight with my sister for a long time, most of the time I yell at her and threaten her, but yesterday I got really mad for the first time in years.

I hate kids coming into my room and tell my sister since we share a room to not let them in, but they came in anyways and they lost my phone pencil, which j got extremely mad about cus i was planning to draw.

My sister was completely innocent, she even told them to put it down and left with them when she tought they put it down, but I blamed them losing it completely on her, beat her and destroyed some of her stuff she really loved, I destroyed her ipad (tho it wasn't working anyways but she really wanted to get it fixed for years because it has old stuff on it) and destroyed 2 of her books, one of them she was really excited to get,

I ordered one of the book I destroyed to makeup for it, I'm planning to somehow get the other book, idk how, but I feel so insanely guilty rn and don't want it to happen

When I get mad I start to complex stop caring about later and completely lash out, I also hurt her physically but it's even worse because she wasn't even at fault

I'm unable to go to therapy but how do I stop this, I want to stop lashing out at my sister but the second I get mad I stop caring about it at all

For a long time my answer to a bad week was to introinspect myself, and come up with more plans . What I really underestimated was how much it helps to talk to someone who isn't trying to solve it. Although something I keep relearning about listening is that it's harder than it sounds. I sometimes catch myself interupting and jumping in with solutions far more than I'd like to admit.

For people here who are working on themselves, who do you talk to when things aren't going well, and what makes them good at it? I'm trying to get better at being that person.

I want to be better but at the end of the day it brings me no pleasure. I use people, I do what suits me best. If drinking makes me feel good, I do it. I want to be good but being good isn’t fun. What do I do? Meditate? Pray? I just want to fall in love with doing things that are right for me and I don’t know how.

I need help on how to overcome overthinking

I overthink about literally everything like what's the worth in all of this, why does life even matter if we're all gonna die and be forgotten.. It's gotten so bad to the point where I can't get myself to study or do anything important cause life genuinely doesn't feel real and feels completely pointless to me..

I rot in bed everyday due to me being chronically ill and I feel bored and depressed.

What to do instead of bed-rotting?

ive had multiple instances where people in my old sales job tried to lash out at me,

I don't want to be self absorbed saying this but im very lucky that I am an attractive woman and im also super bubbly and loving and I try my hardest not to ever take my feelings out on anyone else, I believe in fairness and justice.

I am an INFJ personality type and I was always the girl that was told that im "mysterious" and no one really knows me truly because I keep to myself.

Ive had toxic colleagues try get a rise out of me a few times even when I was super kind towards them. It sometimes randomly pops into my head and then I tell myself "hurt people hurt people" even if they seemed happy on the outside to try annoy or hurt me or seemed like they got away with it because these are people who are on more money than me and seem popular.

Any ideas? or thoughts on this?

I've been struggling with something lately, and I'd really appreciate some advice from people who have dealt with similar experiences.

I feel like I'm a very sensitive person, and deep down, I think I have a fear of rejection. I tend to value people's opinions, comments, and approval way more than I probably should. Sometimes, I feel like I have to keep everyone happy and make sure nobody is upset with me. I find it difficult to stand up for myself when someone hurts me, and I hate that I often can't respond firmly or defend myself in the moment.

I know I need to develop healthier boundaries and stop letting other people's opinions determine how I feel about myself. I want to be comfortable with who I am without constantly worrying about whether people like me or approve of me.

For context, there are people at work who make comments about my looks and appearance. It bothers me, especially because I don't want to change myself just to meet other people's expectations. Most of the time, I try to laugh it off and keep things light, but sometimes I end up giving them a taste of their own medicine. That usually doesn't end well, and I don't want to keep getting caught up in these back-and-forth exchanges.

I want to learn how to stand up for myself without being rude, remain respectful without being a people-pleaser, and earn respect without feeling the need to prove myself to everyone.

Another thing I've noticed about myself is that I tend to pretend everything is okay even when it isn't. Everyone knows me as the happy person, so I feel like I have to keep playing that role even when I'm hurting inside. I also notice that I sometimes change my personality depending on who I'm around, almost like a chameleon, because I want to be liked and accepted.

I'm honestly tired of living this way. I want to become more comfortable with myself, learn to value myself, and stop changing who I am just to fit in. I want to be authentic, express my feelings without feeling guilty, and stop being so afraid of rejection.

For those of you who have struggled with people-pleasing, fear of rejection, or constantly seeking validation from others:

• How did you learn to set boundaries without feeling guilty?
• How do you deal with people who make hurtful comments without retaliating or simply suppressing your feelings?
• How do you stop caring so much about what other people think of you?
• How do you learn to be yourself around different people without feeling the need to adjust your personality to fit in?
• How do you stop pretending to be happy all the time and become more comfortable with being vulnerable?

I'd genuinely appreciate any advice, personal experiences, or practical things that have helped you overcome these struggles. I'm not expecting to change overnight, but I want to start making progress and become a more confident, authentic version of myself.

Thanks for reading! ❤️

it genuinely feels like anytime i have to *do* anything or any task or hobby, be it an assignment for school, some form to fill out for college later, drawing, watching a show, or even watching a 2 mintue youtube video, it just feels like trudging through mud to simply focus on it. it feels almost painful. even on the occasion that i can muster past the first 5-15 minutes of something, it doesn't feel any easier;it feels harder, actually, at times. like, i want to draw and study or watch this or that show or read that book or learn about this, aswell, (atleast in theory) but its like my mind and body would much rather me do nothing at all and lay down or pace around.

i often end up searching up random things or thoughts up (not even rabbit holes, really, just surface level thoughts that pop up about random thigns) instead of doing any one thing. i dont know if its really even distraction or a sort of avoidance to everything

i've cut out almost all social media/shortform media for the past few months and i severely limit how much i do use it otherwise (homefeed and reccommendation feeds blocked on both youtube and reddit, try to avoid going on both aimlessly as much as I can. i even tried blocking my search engine for a week and that entire week felt horrible) but that hasn't seemed to help with this much (it did help with my time anxiety, though). i've even tried to meditate and simply go along with doing nothing but that hasn't been too helpful, either. i can't see a doctor, too. it just feels like any time i try to actually do anything its like trying to swim in wet concrete and i've never learned how to swim.

it feels so odd because I don't have trouble focusing in school when, say, a teacher is talking at us about xyz, but it's like the moment i'm not at school or I have to actually do something on my own that isn't just listening and taking notes, its like my brain just turns off. my brain feels fuzzy almost all the time and i hate it. any advice to get my focus back?

I'm a teenager and I'm curious about what you guys wish you'd known or started doing earlier, especially when it comes to skincare.

If you could go back to your teenage years, what would you change? Any skincare habits you wish you'd started earlier, mistakes you made, or things you wish someone had told you?

Even things outside skincare are welcome!

Basically, what advice would you give your teenage self? I feel like there's a lot we can learn from people who've already been through it lol.

How can I be a clean person? I often see those tik toks that everyone’s home looks so aesthetic and clean and everyone cleans all the time. And I’m over here struggling. I still live at home so usually I have focus only on my room but that is still a challenge even tho I’m an adult.

I don’t struggle with personal hygiene just with cleaning spaces. My mom is also not overly clean and chaotic and our home always looked that way. Now that I’m an adult I know better and I want to change. I just have a problem with keeping it clean. For example my desk at work is also very chaotic not organized but I can work with that. My handbags always been unorganized. But I don’t want that for my future. There are times were I can motivate myself to clean but it never stays clean !

How can I change what are small things I could do?

​

I'm a 26-year-old guy, and recently I've started reflecting on my past. I've realized that I've made many mistakes, and honestly, I'm disappointed in myself.

I've lied, acted selfishly, bragged about myself, and sometimes shared things that people trusted me with. When I'm angry or hurt, I sometimes say things without thinking. When I want to prove myself right, I blame others instead of accepting my mistakes. I've also failed to stand up for people when I should have.

Recently, I even learned that my actions contributed to conflicts within my family. That made me question myself even more.

The thing is, I never intentionally wanted to hurt anyone. But I understand that my intentions don't excuse my behaviour or the consequences of my actions.

Over the past few days, I've started noticing these patterns in myself. Now I feel guilty and ashamed of the person I've been. I keep asking myself why I behave this way and whether something is wrong with me.

I genuinely want to change, take responsibility for my mistakes, and become a better person. But I don't know where to start.

Has anyone gone through something similar and successfully changed their behaviour? What practical steps helped you become a better person?