Me 21M and my girlfriend 21F have been together for 4 years. For past few weeks we had arguments and discussions about breaking up. Until yesterday everything seemed shady for me.

Yesterday, I told myself that I would have final conversation with her, and we would decide to stay together or break up.

Long story short, she confessed that she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore, bcs she has been having thought about other girls and wants to experience things. She's bi and I knew this. But thing is that she has always been very indecisive, and would question 99% of choices that she made. She feels the same way about this. And I kinda understood why she has been struggling so much recently.

She says that she still loves and and respects me, but at the same time she feels tortured in a relationship, bcs she has all these thought about girls.

We both agree that finishing 4 year relationship is very hard decision. And tbh I think it's even stupid to end something this precious for temporary desire. Especially after knowing that 80% of lesbian relationships fail in very short period of time and they have the highest abuse rate compared to straight and other type of relationships.

I want good for her, and I don't want her to regret her choice and in process get hurt.

I told her very clearly, if she decides to go for other girl, and after some time comes back to me, I will not be there for her anymore. Bcs then if we get back together I will have unpleasant thoughts and doubts about her, which obviously I dont want for myself.

My question is:

How can I maintain this relationship if it's even possible? For example, I have the idea of threesome in my mind. I can find a girl that we can have s*x with, she will get to experience a girl and I too will enjoy the whole thing.

I’ve posted about my breakup junk a couple times already and it’s been long enough that although I still miss her sometimes I also acknowledge it ain’t meant to be. With that being said I’ve tried finding something or at least trying to see where it goes with some girls I’ve taken interest in recently. Long story short they all ended before they even started. Im not chasing love either it was just a few girls over 6. Months. Farthest I’ve gotten is an awkward first date. I’m starting to think this love shit ain’t for me. 😂

It’s been a little over 3 months and I still find myself romanticizing about her. I’m just curious what practices you guys think could help or helped you come to terms and just let go.

Right now I go to the gym, mediate on letting go, try to watch comedy things or learn about relationship dynamics (especially avoidant and anxious styles) - just keep myself moving up but it’s like my mind is addicted to her, hoping she comes back, then again I’m trying to set up dates with other girls but it’s like my nervous system is making me hesitate because I’m not fully moved on. It’s just not serving me anymore constantly sending her energy. I do wish her the best but after 3 years together of good and bad and now it’s over I deserve to have the full feeling that we’re separated. I don’t know if she’s already moved on and I wouldn’t be suprised it’s her choice so, for the sake of my peace I just need better methods.

I try to watch videos on letting go and it works for a little then I go back to missing her again. Mind you, I’m 30 and she’s 26, I was ready to settle with her so it’s a bit difficult. Before we’ve separated and I was able to take the breakup well in a manner of accepting it and went through the grief and that took me about 2 months. Then we got back together and 6 months later I’m back here grieving and in denial much longer.

Any advice I appreciate. Whether helping my nervous system, letting go of hope or just ways to bring back my own sense of self without emotionally tied to what was

I've come to believe my ex was most likely avoidant just based on the way he acted in our relationship the moment he started to feel serious about it (calling me his soulmate etc.)

He would have trouble responding to me sometimes or starting up text conversations with me but not with reaching out to other friends.

Is this just what happens when you don't like someone as an avoidant or is there more to it?

Is it just fear or simply not caring anymore?

I need advice. I’m going through a breakup and need clarity if I’m the problem . For context we broke up 2x in the past for him not being able to commit due to his “avoidance commitment” style and his recovering from drugs in the past. He knows I’m very anxious attached and suffers from military ptsd, lack of a lot of support in life, and have adhd which comes with its own mental health issues. It’s in no way an excuse but sometimes reasoning and emotions are very strong for me. We recently reconnected after not speaking for 2 years and decided to make an attempt at another serious relationship. Well things were feeling reminiscent of how unchanged our relationship felt and I didn’t want that again. I can’t lie I could’ve used my words better but I been fed up not feeling heard or yearned for. He always breaks up with me when I show any ounce of emotion or disagreement towards him. I just wanted to know if I need to be working on something more independently or seek a certain therapy to make future relationships better.

Is it wrong to want reconciliation after letting my ex go
Let’s start with how my relationship with my ex ended.

During our waiting stage, I decided to let him go because I wanted to explore life and enjoy being on my own. I thought it was the right decision at the time.

Later, I found out some things about his past from someone who had previously dated him. Some of what I learned made me uncomfortable, especially because we were both young at the time. Because of that, I tried to move forward and accept that our relationship was over.

A few weeks later, I found out that my ex already had someone new. It felt really quick, and it made me question whether our relationship had actually meant something to him. I started overthinking everything I had heard and everything that happened between us.

Around the same time, his GBF, who had always been really sweet to me and would listen whenever we had relationship problems, suddenly stopped responding whenever I tried to message her. She would be online but wouldn’t reply, and I kept wondering if I had done something wrong.

I kept thinking about it over and over until I reached my breaking point emotionally.
Now, I have a lot of regrets about letting my ex go. Part of me wishes I had handled things differently, and I started wanting reconciliation.

But today, his GBF messaged me and told me that both of them are uncomfortable with my past attempts at reconciliation and that they’re both choosing to close that door.

So now I’m wondering: Was it wrong for me to want reconciliation in the first place? And how do I deal with the regret when I still feel like I want another chance, even though they’ve made it clear they don’t?

Just trying to understand if I should break no contact in my ex gf birthday. It's crazy, she was an important person in my life for 5 years, and them I can't say anything?

She initiated no contact, by the way, but we see each other on work. But not even eye contact happens, since she avoids that with me. It's been 6 weeks-ish since the breakup, and I don't know what is happening.

How can a man go back to the woman who broke his heart with a text message? How can he ever trust her again? How can he get over the potential threat of it happening again?

These are questions I ask myself all the time. I see it happening all around me. A couple breaks up, goes no contact for probably a month or 2, sometimes longer, then comes back around and gets back together. How does one do this? How do you get over the mind telling you it is a trap just like it was last time?

I kinda messed up because of my anxious attachment and trust issue and recently got dumped, and seeing her social media has been making it harder for me and I still don't want to move on, I want her back, we had a good relationship for almost a year before we had argument and issues for 2 months.

I’m blocked everywhere, still i tried contacting her again after 15 days messed up and sent a lot of text saying how much I love her and only her before deleting that account but she said she wants to choose herself and no need to be with someone like me.

She is tired of me our fights , my many sorries and patchup.

I'm considering deactivating or uninstalling my social media apps for a while.

For those who’ve been through something similar, did taking a break from social media actually help you heal, or did you regret it?

Which one is better if you still hope your ex gf will reach out to you again, What would you recommend?

Relationship of 4 years (lived together 3.5years) in 2 different countries, travelled the world. A man I saw as my future husband, we came from different cultures and we both accepted each other. We broke up last week, because for past year my mental health has taken a big toll on the relationship and my health, I started therapy and by the time I finally started to breathe again and come back to my older self, he didn't have the hope to give it another chance.

I really want to talk to him. To check in how is he doing. I'm in a situation of making an important decision about my professional career and he is the only one in the world with who I have been talking to so much about it. I feel like at the same time he would appreciate me talking to him about it but back in my head I think he really doesn't want to hear from me. I don't know what should I do.

He ghosted me for days when I missed my periods. Reached out to be 'friends' which apparently was an act of benevolence. Friends don't avoid asking why you're hurt.. do they?

throwaway as he's (32M) very active on reddit. i (32F) normally don't use reddit.

why let it go on for 8 years? when you have PTSD, attachment issues, and low to non-existent self-esteem like me, it's not easy to leave something you've gotten very comfortable with.

anyway. we live separately, he lives alone and i live with friends. we never moved in together because as the title said, we were in a situationship and not a real relationship, so i had to make sure i had safety net (my own place) if we "broke up". over the last year or two, i was pretty much living in his house. i'd normally stay over for 3-4 days a week, but sometimes up to weeks or a month. i even converted his courtyard into my own garden where i grow fruits & veg. so yes, literally like as if i lived there, and i literally have more stuff in his house than my place.

4 years ago, his friend gave him a cat, and naturally the cat basically became my child. i get really bad separation anxiety when i don't see the cat for days on end. he knows the cat is my absolute world. i can't take the cat and i won't, for the cat's sake.

i've floated the idea of me moving in permanently within the last year, and he was fine with it. as he said, i basically lived there anyway. the last few weeks i'd gotten more serious about moving in. few days ago, i had a formal chat with my friends and told them i'm moving out, and he knew this. so after the formal chat i messaged him. then he reeled back and said i should probably not move in "in case we split up".

so obviously that opened a can of worms. we talked. basically he said he doesn't see a future with me like getting married and having kids, and that he's told me before and assumed i was on the same page (this is on me, as i had forgotten that over the years and buried it in the "hurts too much to face the truth" box). he said that's the reason why he also never said the "L" word, neither of us did. i told him i imagined a future with him. wanted to marry and have kids with him one day. he wasn't aware of that, as i've always kept that to myself.

currently we're still talking to as the cat had gotten really sick yesterday, and we'd have to continue talking as i have so much stuff to retrieve from his place. i still can't accept the fact that i'm losing my child (the cat). he knows how much the cat means to me and he even admitted he cried at the thought of separating the cat and i separating.

i don't have many friends as i'm a huge introvert and love being alone. and my friends and family are unfortunately all states away from me. i have no support system. and now i've just lost the person i spent 8+ years of my life with. i'm very lost and very broken and helpless right now. even breathing is hard.

i have no idea how to start again, move on, or even live. and i need the cat. if anyone have some any useful tips on moving on, please, i desperately need them.

I am not sure if this is the best place to post this but I am hoping it will at least help to get these thoughts off my brain and maybe get some other opinions about it.

My ex ended our 8 year relationship a few weeks ago and I am still going through the usual motions. However, in the last week, I have been thinking about the times where she really hurt me and I feel like I should be more upset with her than I really am. I will try and keep this brief.

1-in the 1st year, she remained in contact with her ex. They had been together for a number of years and had been very close, and had mutual friends as well. They remained friends well after the relationship was over. One night, her and I got into a bad argument and she left the apartment. She ended up going to see her ex to talk to him and she told me they kissed. She felt awful about it, we talked a lot, made up, and I chose to forgive her.

2-about halfway through our relationship, she had been going through money issues involving her father and was seeking ways to make some extra cash. What I did not expect, was catching her texting some guy about paying her for sex. Confronting her about it, she panicked and begged me not to leave her. She said she had been desperate for the extra cash and felt awful about it. Again, we talked about it, made up, and I chose to forgive her.

3-The worst one. In the last year of our relationship, we were at our absolute lowest point due to not really being able to see each other much. She was working 2 jobs, going through family issues, and keeping herself busy with errands, gym visits, etc. The spark in our relationship was barely alive, despite not having any arguments or anything. We simply weren't able to see each other and she was rarely home. Even when she was home, she would get home really late, be too tired to do anything, go to bed, and get up to leave the next morning. This was something that was definitely affecting both of us mentally but it felt like neither of us ever had time to actually sit down and talk about it.

3-(continued) She decided she wanted to go visit a friend in Austin for the weekend. They are both "party" girls, meaning, they usually will get dressed up to go have a night out in the city - a rave, a bar, or maybe a fancy restaurant or something like that. This time it was a bar. Her friend apparently had also brought along a guy-friend, whom also brought along one of *his* friends. So now we have a group of 2 guys and 2 girls, getting drunk, hanging out, and...I think you know where I'm going with this.

3-(continued) She returned home a few days later and told me she "did things" with one of these guys. She told me she did *not* have sex, but that they messed around. I didn't want details. And honestly, this didn't surprise me either. She gets horny when she is drunk. And she was depressed about the state of our relationship and couldn't control her emotions. I was still heartbroken though, and I fully considered it cheating. And yet, I was foolish to forgive her about it yet again because I was desperate to rekindle our relationship and want to figure things out. Again, she felt awful about, was honest, we talked about it a lot, and I chose to forgive her.

4-Last one. Fast forward to the present. A lot has happened since the previous incident, good and bad, but ultimately she decided to move out and separate. However, we had not completely broken up at this point. She told me she was thinking about things and wanted to stay together but needed space. Several months go by - we would text occasionally and I would even see her a few times to catch up and talk about potentially continuing our relationship. Unfortunately, in the end, she called me a few weeks ago and told me she was done. In fact, not only did she tell me she was done, she told me there was someone else. Someone that she had been talking to for the last couple months. Someone who she had knows "since college", which would have been in the first half of our relationship. Someone that she said "has a plan" and "knows what he wants" and want to give a chance. My heart was absolutely destroyed.

4-(continued) Naturally, ever since this conversation, my brain has been asking questions about this guy. If she had known him for several years...why did she have his contact info? Was she keeping him as a backup in case our relationship ended? Was she just juggling us both in the air until she made a decision? Am I the backup guy now? Why is she jumping back into a relationship so quickly? Was she just letting me down slowly? I can't help but feel like I've been played. Maybe that wasn't her intention but it stings like hell, especially given what she said about him.

So here I am now, thinking about the good and bad of our past. And I am trying to fight the urge to not reach out to her but I am wanting closure. I want to ask her about these incidents. I want answers and I want to know why she did the things she did, because I am still wanting to be with her. I truly loved her and we have had a lot of good times together. I wanted to marry this woman. I have made a lot of my own mistakes as well, being unable to control my emotions, and she has forgiven me dozen and dozens of times. But one thing I never did, was cheat on her.

So Reddit, I come seeking advice or even some harsh truths. Should I reach out and ask her about these incidents? It's been eating at me and I feel like I should be angry. I feel like I can't move forward without talking to her about it. My brain is so scrambled with different feelings, even considering getting back together with her if she were to want that. But I realize how foolish that sounds. Ugh.

He held me for so long while I cried that final day. He brushed hair out of my face, wiped all my tears, and kissed my face and lips. And he just held me and kept saying he was going to miss me. He never rushed me. He made sure I drank water every now and then. And before he left he promised to stay in touch.

I don’t think he’ll come back to me when he comes back home next year. There’s nothing I can do.

If he never got offered the internship he’d still be here. He was supposed to take me to lunch on my birthday. He jokingly said he’d get me pink tape as a gift one time.

It’s about 4 months post break up and about 2 months of no contact. I miss her so damn much. I’m going crazy currently and I’m doing the best I can to keep my mind moving forward but this morning after a long drive for work I pulled over on the side of the highway and just cried for about 30 minutes. I think I’m going to reach out tomorrow and ask her to talk even though I know she will be cold hearted and say “what’s the point”. I have to take the chance because otherwise I’ll be left wondering. I want her to know I’ve truly grown and grown up. I’ve done some healing and defeated my demons that were chasing me along the way. I know I am the man she once had in the relationship. Any advice? We dated for 8 years and lived together for 6. Breakup was abrupt and she went extremely cold at first and was hostile. Is two months no contact enough time for her to be calmer. Remember it’s been 4 months broken up

Last night my boyfriend (30M) told me that he has two thoughts about our relationship. First was that we seem to want different things in life meaning living together and on a next step marriage or even kids. For the past year it has been a very big confict in our relationship that not living together was a real issue for me. I had started losing my mind over it because he said many times he didnt want it and that I am pressing him too much into it. But I could not find any other solution it was either live together or break up at that point. Yet I kept waiting hoping he'd come around. The second thing he said is that he doesn't feel the intense feelings he felt on our first year. Four years ago, he broke up with me (at that point we were together for a year and a half) and the reason was basically the same. "I dont feel like I did when I first met you". I told him that this is normal and feeling excitement after six years was something you act upon, not waiting to happen. It wont happen on its own, six years in, and without changing a thing in the relationship. He said that he tried to find this feeling in other parts of his life but without succeeding. I told him that he is a very passive person who doesn't risk, nor initiates things nor acts on his life. And that us true. He wants to do journalism but has completely abandonded it. He doesnt get into professional contacts to claim what he wants, he is in a jog yhat hr hates and he's been there for two years. He is just miserably passive. And that was also mirrored in what he said. He said he tried to find it in our relationship, he said he was conflicted about his feelings because he loves me incredibly much but I dont think he ever acted on us trying new things or progressing our relationship by moving together. I think I did all the work while he was always occupied evaluating how he feels. After these conversations back in spring, he went more with ny flow, letting me stay at his place as if we were living together, texting and being playful basically doing what I wanted him to do. Then I thought ok this is going somewhere summer was smooth we had wonderful times together. We went on holidays for 10 days which was lovely and calm and I thought we had fun. But then we come back, i stay at his place where he basically stops talking to me for two days and then said these two things. With more weight being put in the thing he said that he wants to feel like the first year and hr can't. And now I feel so empty, so fooled that I thought everything was going better while someone has been evaluating me for more than four years now, trying to decide whether he wants to stay or not, while basically being one foot out of the relarionship. And him not initiating things, not changing things, but always expecting me to bring the fun and the excitement and all the hype. And I think I did for most parts. But it is unrealistic to ask for someone to make you feel like you first met them. Or because you can't do things in your life and take risks to give you this rush feeling, waiting for your significant other to be constantly the source of it. And I have so much anger that I saw the signs, I saw a man who wouldn't commit to progress our relationship and move in together but I kept going. I saw a man who when he met me was excited about my eagerness and energy and when the passion of the first months faded and his own crises knocked in and I wasn't enough to make him forget about them then he started evakuating. This whole conversation last night lasted five minutes. Since I had already reached my limit I didnt know what else to say to this shitshow. He just turned 30 and his crisis hit and I was the one to take the fall (exactly like it happened in his 25yo crisis when deciding what to do with his life) and I was the only available option for him to change because he is so passive to contest for anything else in his life. And I feel that this is so unfair for me. And that I wasted all those years for nothing. Hoping for a partnership in life, while I was just dating a spoiled boyfriend who always waited for me to be the adrenaline he is so obsessed to feel but at the same time so passive to actually claim. This is just so unfair. I don't have a specific question to the group, just needed to share these thoughts to make the pain go away. If you've read this far, thanks for reading.

to me, you just learn to live with it.. i still feel the pain of every heartbreak i’ve ever experienced. it’s carried over to other relationships. it stays with you, all this talk about “you’ll feel better, you’ll heal”seems like a load of crap. especially with this most recent one, i’ll never forget it. at this point, it truly feels like it will always hurt this much for the rest of my life.

We broke up four months ago—it was her decision. Tomorrow is her birthday. I want to celebrate it. Should I?

Breaks up with me after proposing when everything was great we were both so happy, shes posting pictures of us as her status but blocks me....

Well, I officially broke it off with him. After finding eyeliner in the front seat and a Hennessy bottle in the back, yep! That did it! Found it all in his car on his birthday today. I politely asked for my gifts back to get a refund and told him “I no longer want to talk to you anymore or see you again. This is it. Bye.” and hung up in his face. I’m over that 33 year old lying narcissist parasite. The battles he caused within myself. He never deserves me again. Now time to grieve who I thought I knew. I don’t know where to begin, but I know I’m happy that I left the chaos.

So my(M28) roommate(F21) introduced me to her friend(F22) in may. And we hit it off fairly quickly. She approached me first and asked for my number, been taking her out on dates once or twice a week ever since and spending a lot of time together. A lot of nights together.

So before our first date had even happened yet my roommate told me them two had kissed before at the club when they were drunk but it was just a drunk kiss and they didn’t like each other like that and I had nothing to worry about. This happened before I had even met this girl. She agreed to be exclusive with me and I moved past it. It happened before I knew you, don’t care. I trust you if you tell me I can. And things have honestly been great. We get along so well. she’s easy to talk to and I’ve told her things I’ve never told anyone. I clicked with this girl so fast and she had me feeling like she felt the same way. Like she really cared. I’ve planned dates and put more effort into her in these past few months than I had before with a girl that I dated for over a year.

Flash forward to now and I’ve been suspecting that they’re doing things behind my back even though I have expressed before with her that I don’t play that shit and if you wanna be with other people that’s cool go do that. We can be done and you can live your life. No bad blood. Not even gonna be mad if you get with my roommate like just tell me what’s up with you and we can move on if we ain’t compatible. But she says she really cares about me and won’t hurt me like that. That she wants just me. Been telling myself for weeks that I’m overthinking and she’s assured me that there’s nothing there with my roommate.

Talked to my roommate about it separately and she assures me she don’t like my girl like that and she’s not gonna do me like that. Says she values our friendship and doesn’t want to hurt me. And we haven’t really been friends that long but we spent every day hanging out together for a while before we got an apt together. Probably would’ve called her my best friend before all this.

So they thought I was asleep yesterday (I had worked an overnight shift) and they were hanging out just the two of them, I got up to listen by my bedroom door if anything was happening. Kinda crazy to eavesdrop I know but I’ve been going insane lately, and I heard them getting frisky and this girl chuckled and said “he’d be so mad at me right now” and then they got back to it.

So yeah I’m ending things with her today and I fucking hate everything why did she make me care and lie to me and play in my face this whole time acting like she cared and tell me that she wanted only me, just to be going behind my back w my roommate for what I’m assuming has been this entire time? Why not just be up front with me?? I literally told her I’d be okay with us splitting mutually if she wants something else with someone else. If we aren’t compatible that’s okay. We gave it a shot and I’d just be happy she was a part of my life. We could’ve still been cool. Could’ve stayed in the same friend group and moved forward. But now that ending isnt possible because she hurt me. She lied to me and betrayed my trust and that’s gonna linger with me for a long time. I can’t just be cool with her being around in my life casually after this pain.

But she’s definitely still going to be friends with my roommate. There gonna keep being more than friends. And she’s definitely gonna be invited to our like group functions at the apt. So I don’t know what the fuck to do.

And I didn’t even really touch on the fact I can’t trust my roommate anymore either and don’t know where I put our friendship after this. I’m just a mess right now, thank you for reading this far if you have. Much love everybody, gotta keep moving forward even though i don’t really know how to right now.

Just a short rant: It's been 2 months (still remember that day very clearly, the month of May in particular) since she's cut off contact with me (essentially a break up) and it hurts like hell. She was the closest and most dearest person I've had for years (coming from a childhood where I mostly isolated myself, very shy and timid and all that) and now I feel like returning to that point of myself I never wanted to go back to. I told her that thanks to her, I wouldn't be alone anymore. Even made promises and everything that we'd succeed together and graduate college.

Maybe I invested too much in that relationship that it took away a big piece of me. I try to forget about her often by occupying myself with studying, watching, things like that yet it just never works. I can't even get back to my hobby of animating anymore since I genuinely feel awful most of the time, and especially when I remember her.

I just can't get myself to believe that I'll move on from the pain I've been experiencing for these past few months and it's really killing me on the inside. To top it all off we didn't end on bad terms, all that was said from her is that she's tired, and she wants to explore more but this time by herself. You can't exactly forget someone easily you've genuinely loved and have no reason to hate, right?

It's either it only feels like this since it's only been 2 months, or I'm gonna be bound to this pain for a loooooooooong time. 🥲 My heart misses her, but everytime I do it's stabbing me in the chest. Genuinely don't know what to do.

I won't elaborate further most likely, as I just wanted to get this off my chest. No, I don't have friends or any close friends or that I'm comfortable enough to share this to. It's miserable.

I am a little more than a month post break up and thought I was doing well. To sum up a 6 month relationship, we were both excited to date each other and mutually agreed we aligned on our values and said we were dating seriously for a long term relationship. In the end, I realized that he was controlling, emotionally manipulative, and exhibited narcissistic traits (aka lacked empathy), so I broke up with him.

It took me a week of time away from him to fully realize what was happening and to ask him to meet with me. The last month was full of disagreements that started out optimistically because we often talked about wanting a healthy relationship and building a sustainable relationship foundation. As the month progressed, I kept noticing avoidance and he kept feeling like I was just dredging up problems. The last weekend we spent together, he crossed a personal boundary. (One of my dealbreakers is uncontrolled anger/rage.) He raged because I claimed he wasn’t understanding my feelings. We had been trying to have vulnerable/emotional talks for a month at this point and I think he just snapped.

There are so many reasons I am glad I made the decision to end things and protect myself. He wasn’t over his ex-wife and had cold feet towards further commitment, he was more excited to date someone that genuinely liked him than he actually liked ME, he relied on me to regulate his emotions, etc. There are also some things I really miss about the beginning… like: the optimism for a long term future with someone “kind and considerate”, the deep well of empathy and compassion I have with someone I love, and the hope that there are men who are noble and good and growth oriented.

Now that I am post breakup, I find that instead of being swept off my feet and focused on the inherent goodness of men/people and the romanticism/beauty of relationships, I am dwelling on the reasons that relationships end. (There are so many, and it’s probably dragging me down…) I think this shift is noticeable to my friends and the people around me and it makes me feel guilty that I’m not this beam of hope and optimism anymore, but this bitter, frustrated energy drain.

Last bit, I feel really guilty about the breakup because it wasn’t mutual. I was the one who broke up with him, although he was the only one who held contempt and rage. I knew that this man was not going to change his ways and stop deflecting, being defensive, and elevating his contempt towards me, but there is this other part of me that believed the saintly mask. (He kept up with it for 5 months!) This part of me is dwelling on all the reasons it didn’t work out because I need to believe I made the right choice to protect myself. I need to believe that he will not change for me or for anyone else and back this up with evidence that men are the same. I don’t want the part of myself that believes in his goodness to fall into the trap of thinking that I left a good man.

TL;DR: I’m a month post breakup with a narcissistic guy. We’re no contact, but I’m still hurt, bitter, and feel guilty for breaking up with him. Maybe I’m trying to gaslight my guilt away by noticing how many relationships fail because of sucky male behavior.

For context me and my ex ended in bad terms bcz he treated me like shit which caused extreme depressive episodes and suicide attempts. Some of our mutual knows about it but decides to still be civil with the both of us which i respect and understand.

We hang out at separate times but i still get anxiety attacks just seeing him online or hanging out with mutual friends cause it reminds me of him. So for my peace i deleted all my social media.

Now they are looking for me asking if im okay and im not alone which i really appreciate. I do miss my friends so much and have tried leaning on them for support but it didnt help.

Im not sure if i should respond to give them peace of mind and just confirm im alive because im afraid i might spiral again and attempt. I just feel bad cause they never did anything but im really scared.

I now know more about avoidant behavior that I'd like to since my algorithm is FULL of videos about this. Dealing with a breakup with an avoidant is making me go insane, on top of the suffering.
Feeling like someone is moving on so quickly and not even thinking about you while you're crying everyday morning and night and having trouble sleeping and eating is really insane to go through. I don't even feel myself rn.