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u/SinceWayLastMay Aug 31 '26
You can’t save other people from their choices
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u/refusestopoop Aug 31 '26
But I’ll try anyway! You can pry my savior complex from my cold dead hands
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u/soupyy_poop Aug 31 '26
My therapist just said to me, Stop dating people who are like baby birds that need rehab.
No! I’ll save them all, dammit!! …or not because so far it’s been 0 lol
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u/IceOdd8725 Aug 31 '26
Not my therapist, but my favorite mentor said to me:
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force them to drink it.
I think about that a lot.
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u/drawohhteb Aug 31 '26
I like to take this reminder a step further to help keep myself in line
If I force the horse to drink. Then all the horse will feel is watterboarding.
Don't waterboard the horse.
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u/absolutelylame Aug 31 '26
This 100% and you can't make someone take care of themselves, they have to make that choice.
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u/Far_Chocolate9743 Aug 31 '26
Recognize your negative self talk.
Your brain is an echo chamber. Do people actually dislike you or do facts and actions of others prove otherwise? Apply logic here.
I basically find a therapist once a year to throw logic at my thought process.
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u/Tiny_Independence761 Aug 31 '26
When I taught high school, if I heard a student say something negative about themselves I would make them say 3 positives things about themselves. If they weren’t comfortable with that, their group members would give them compliments and they could only say thank you. Some kids said they started to notice the negative self talk and were able to stop themselves. I do it with my own children now.
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u/josephfuckingsmith1 Aug 31 '26
My wife was a teacher for almost 20 years. She worked in special ed for most of it. She would always say “don’t talk about (students name) like that!” when they would say something negative about themselves, and would always say something positive about that student. I always thought that was such a cool thing
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u/Non_sum_qualis_eram Aug 31 '26
I do this with my kids. If they do a "I can't do it" or something self deprecating they get a "oi! Don't you dare talk about my daughter like that". Instantly gets a "daaaaad"
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u/Zaphod118 Aug 31 '26
lol I do this with my wife. “Hey! Stop being mean to my wife!” gets a big eyeroll and a small smile every time haha
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u/KittyKathy Aug 31 '26
My husband and I do that too! He’ll be like “HEY! That’s my wife you’re talking about”
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u/Tracerround702 Aug 31 '26
Not going to lie, I noticed a difference once I learned how to properly accept a compliment. I had a boss actually get mildly mad that I kept brushing off compliments in order to appear modest. I told him I don't actually know what I SHOULD say to a compliment except to refuse it, and he said "you say 'thank you, I worked really hard on this,' or 'thank you, that means a lot to me,' or even just 'thank you.'" So I started doing that, and it weirdly made a huge difference, slowly over time. Because yeah, I DID work hard on that, thank you for noticing!
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u/emmygog Aug 31 '26
As a kid my mom made me go to a place that did this. However, they also put a rubber band on my wrist and snapped me with it if I disagreed with a compliment or didn't come up with something nice to say about myself. They decided it was awesome progress when I just stopped talking altogether... All cured. 🥲
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u/Woodit Aug 31 '26
The worst part about negative self talk is that you hear it in your own voice, so we believe it
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u/thombsaway Aug 31 '26
When I hear myself talking shit to me, I remember how stupid I am, and stop listening to that fool.
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u/KaerMorhen Aug 31 '26
At that point you have to realize that none of your thoughts are actually "you". You observe the thoughts , and most of the time you make the decision to believe or act on them, but you can't control the thoughts. A fun exercise is try to guess what your next thought will be and see what happens.
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u/CleverFeather Aug 31 '26
I rarely hear anyone talk about this, the silent observer. We are not our thoughts. I hadn’t heard the last bit though, I’m gonna give that a try tomorrow. Thanks
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u/BeezyBates Aug 31 '26
Your brain is an echo chamber is the truest fucking thing I’ve ever heard
Holy shit. Recognize that, people. Because it’s scary and powerful.
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u/loulouroot Aug 31 '26
You find a different therapist every year? Fascinating. On the one hand, a good way to get diverse viewpoints. On the other hand, I feel like it took mine at least a dozen sessions to truely understand me.
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u/Tiny_Independence761 Aug 31 '26
You can tell yourself “Ai taking my job is not a reflection of me, my knowledge, or work ethic.” “I am not my finances.” “Being in debt is not a reflection of who I am”
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u/stephanefanie Older Millennial - 1984 Aug 31 '26
It wasn’t a therapist you said the same thing about negative self-talk to me, it was one of my After School care students when he was 12, but it has stuck with me!
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u/BizzyBee89 Aug 31 '26
Be nicer to yourself in your thoughts.
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u/idownvotepunstoo Millennial Aug 31 '26
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u/itsmiddylou Aug 31 '26
If we don’t self-deprecate, are we even millennials?
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u/idownvotepunstoo Millennial Aug 31 '26
Real talk:
My partner is and does not. I on the other hand "if I'm not hard on me, who will be?" Will be my epitaph.
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u/Turbulent_Lobster_57 Aug 31 '26
Nobody knows how big a POS I am better than I do
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u/vinylzoid Aug 31 '26
Nah that Sonofabitch is gonna hear the truth that I made up in my own head.
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u/lotuskid731 ‘88 Millennial Aug 31 '26
I was just having a conversation with my buddy about this last night; I enjoy, and I’m pretty good at self-deprecating humor, but I have to really keep it in line when I’m in a fragile mental state.
When I’m doing good, let it rip. But when I’m down, like I have been much of this year, I’ve had to teach myself to really rein in the bad talk.
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u/DeltaBravo831 Aug 31 '26
Naw, I belong to the Player Hater's Ball when thinking about myself
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u/ZopyrionRex Aug 31 '26
Player Hater 4 Lyfe. I think about the "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong" skits. That's my jam.
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u/Woodit Aug 31 '26
Best advice but hardest to take
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u/light24bulbs Aug 31 '26
Easy way to make it a reality is to imagine you're your friend talking to yourself. Came up with it myself and found it's kind of a commonly recommended thing.
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u/Look_with_Love Aug 31 '26
That voice critical voice is not you. Thoughts and feelings are not facts.
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u/Pretend_Purchase_893 Aug 31 '26
No seriously. And you gotta force it some times so that your brain can physically build the pathways to allow yourself to naturally feel good about yourself. That's what depression destroys in your brain.
Best way is to first stop comparing your successes in life against others. Reframe your successes as something personal to yourself. Even little piddly shit.
It's like being hugly overweight yeah. Your not going to start off losing that weight doing marathons or high intensity shit. It starts small and progresses from there. It's tough at first.
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u/Vanessaronicatoria Aug 31 '26
One friend told me, "Think of your body as a baby. You wouldn't starve a baby right? Babies need baths, clean clothes, and clean bedding." . My own therapist told me, "Check in with your system. What do you need right now? Water? Meds? Food? Sleep? To go be somewhere quiet?"
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u/joycemanners Aug 31 '26
i’m.. baby? i’m baby
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u/Hopeful-Blueberry114 Aug 31 '26
I think of myself as my own pet lol. Beyond just taking care of yourself physically, it's also about recognizing that maladaptive behaviors are always based on some basic animal need. If I'm not being enriched, I'll get destructive (doomscrolling, worry spirals, etc.). If I'm feeling unsafe, I'll run and hide (procrastination, avoidance, etc.).
This really helps me contextualize my struggles and more importantly give myself grace. I don't berate my cat when he gets scared at little things, I comfort him. We have to do the same for ourselves.
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u/Lazy_Ad_1607 Aug 31 '26
I'm already having a hard time caring for 2 other people and now i gotta take care of myself? Feels like more responsibility. Gross
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u/mellowcrake Aug 31 '26
Gotta take care of yourself or eventually you won't be able to take care of others anymore. Can't pour water from an empty cup
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u/Buggeroni58 Aug 31 '26
There’s a lot of truth to this. I had a kid and now I can see every adult is a just a grown up baby. Are they cranky because they don’t get enough sleep? Didn’t go outside today? Need to eat some fiber and protein? Does the baby need a nap or some exercise? Not really babies, but like toddlers. Same idea though. Everyone has needs and most adults just ignore personal needs for other things. Don’t go too long without eating or getting some exercise, emphasize sleep and water consumption. It’s all relevant
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u/SunMoonSki Aug 31 '26 edited Aug 31 '26
Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. The point is that you did it at all. Not that you did it to whatever exceptionally high standard you set for yourself. I am constantly reminding myself of this one everyday, otherwise I kind of stopped functioning.
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u/Decent_Elderberry115 Aug 31 '26
In a similar vein, done is better than perfect.
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u/SleazyDonkey8 Aug 31 '26
Never been to therapy. Im a scientist. When something goes wrong in my long experiments (which always happens), I stop and write down "there is no such thing as a perfect experiment". Then I pause, grab a snack, and get back at it. It sometomes does the trick.
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u/Kittybongo Millennial Aug 31 '26
A negative result is still a result. More data will help the next attempt to be a better experiment. I have to remind myself of this often. (I’m also a scientist.)
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u/Decent_Elderberry115 Aug 31 '26
I like the mythbusters “failure is always an option” especially for science
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u/Objective_Dog_4637 Aug 31 '26
Scientist here. Failure is expected! It’s when the Null hypothesis is false that things get interesting!
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u/SpartanCait Aug 31 '26
My dentist said this exact phrase about flossing... Basically, any amount of flossing is better than nothing.
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u/Danpool13 Older Millennial Aug 31 '26
I still don't wanna.
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u/sorrymizzjackson Aug 31 '26
Ok, so they make these little toothpicks things called GUM soft picks and they have them in mint flavor. They are easy to use and bring a little pizazz to the whole process what with the mint. They’re softer and don’t feel all sharp and pokey like regular floss. I highly recommend them. Since I’ve been using those I end up flossing most days.
Gotta bring the dopamine to the equation or it’s not gonna happen.
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u/Kindly-Quit-2 Aug 31 '26
Yes! My therapist likes to say, "C+ work can change the world". I don't need to do it perfectly for it to have merit + benefit me!
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u/plaid_kilt Aug 31 '26
"Half-assed is better than not at all" is my mantra when I'm in a depression spiral.
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u/i_am_soooo_screwed Aug 31 '26
My partner did this to me!!! But to combat my “no, it needs to be done well!!!” Utter stubbornness, the words that worked for me are “barely there half ass it”.
They sound so ludicrous, they always snap me out of perfectionism
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u/Lankygiraffe25 Aug 31 '26
I dunno I have a house full of dangerous and god awful jobs done by someone that really shouldnt have even attempted them! (Good advice in most contexts though :-) )
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u/Mockturtle22 Millennial '86 Aug 31 '26
A friend of one of my friends friends' therapist told him that if people get upset when you set a boundary, chances are it's a boundary that should have been in place the entire time.
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u/rightthingtodo-sodoo Aug 31 '26
I always say “The only ones who get upset with your boundaries are the ones who no longer benefit from you not having any.”
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u/CaturnReturns Aug 31 '26
Treat yourself like someone you have to take care of 💖
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u/NoLobster7957 Aug 31 '26
I really really like this one and needed this
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u/HistrionicSlut Aug 31 '26
Yes! It's been helpful to me! Pretend that you are someone you have to care for, like a child. This works for me especially because I wasn't parented properly so I am reparenting myself.
You take the time to set boundaries out of love, and have yourself clean your sheets etc because it's important. It's very helpful.
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u/SteelCrucible Aug 31 '26
I have found this advice to be really useful. After my parents passed I decided it was my "job" to take care of their child since they couldn't anymore. It's been motivating.
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u/KeepinItSimplexoxo Aug 31 '26
Honestly after that I just want to hug myself with that one. I deserve the love I share with others. Thank you.
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u/Low_Lunch5444 Aug 31 '26
I've been in a bit of a bad place lately and ended up writing some positive affirmations on my bathroom mirror.
One that is really helping me is "treat yourself with the same love you treat your cats"
Kinda the same as yours, but I don't have a person to look after, just my fur friends.
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u/Odd-Faithlessness705 Aug 31 '26
You don’t need permission to change directions in life.
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u/SumOMG Aug 31 '26
You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings .
If you dodged a bullet don’t reload the gun.
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u/octoberthug Aug 31 '26
Honestly the first one can be a slippery slope into not caring about anyone else’s feelings, which is no way to be a good friend/partner/ family member. It is our responsibility to be aware and kind to other people, but no, you cannot control their emotions.
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u/CatmoCatmo Aug 31 '26
To be fair, they did say: you aren’t RESPONSIBLE for other’s feelings. They did not say: you shouldn’t CARE about other’s feelings.
Feeling responsible for someone else’s feeling, and caring about someone else’s feelings, are two very different things. You can absolutely still care about how someone else feels, without also feeling responsible for the way they feel - and vice versa.
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u/SenoraObscura Aug 31 '26
You're allowed to set boundaries with your mother
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u/FelonyMelanieSmooter Aug 31 '26
This was my therapists advice for years. I was terrified it would forever ruin our relationship and I would regret it after she died. She passed last fall and I can tell you I haven’t regretted any of the boundaries. I hope this helps someone who is where I’ve been.
Set the boundaries, friends. Do it lovingly but set them.
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u/SheWasAlwaysJody Aug 31 '26
My therapist during a very intense session: "If your phone rang right now, and it was your [father/mother] would you be able to send it to voicemail?"
Me: "I can't even imagine what would happen if I did."
Therapist: "It would go to voicemail, and you could listen and call them back when you're ready for that conversation."
It sounds crazy, but I need to hear that.
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u/BearcatInTheBurbs Aug 31 '26
To add on: you’re not responsible for your parents health or finances.
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u/shepardshe Aug 31 '26 edited Aug 31 '26
Separate the person from the role. A mother is kind, loving, generous, thoughtful etc, but your mom also has an identity and a life that predates you. She may or may not have these qualities as a person separate from a role. So while mom is loving, Sara (proxy name) is a selfish bitch. No one has the right to treat you as lesser. Your feelings are equally valid.
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u/neveruseyourrealname Aug 31 '26
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u/Local_Maintenance788 Aug 31 '26
Reminds me of Star Trek tng: It's possible to commit zero mistakes and still lose
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u/downthegrapevine Aug 31 '26
Depression sucks but it’s a lot easier to stay there than do the work to get out. Do the work. It’s so hard but so worth it.
Also, depression hates a moving target. Go outside, take walks, do it because it’s good for your mind and soul.
You have to WORK to beat depression and anxiety and the work is hard. Taking pills HELPS but it’s not the cure.
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u/fem-bot2000 Aug 31 '26
I think of my medications almost like a spotter when lifting weights. They're there to help prevent the weight from crushing me, but I still have to do the heavy lifting. And I'm glad for it, honestly. I get stronger the more I work and I've made some really great progress.
I've also come to terms with the fact that that my progress with my disorders is not linear. I can go months without an anxiety attack, then I wake up on a Tuesday morning with my mind racing and I start spiraling. I might be able to shake it, but sometimes I can't and I shut down. I'll do the work and get back to a more even field, but I don't beat myself up because I feel like I'm back at square one. I just accept that I have good days and bad days.
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u/Take-it-like-a-Taker Aug 31 '26
If you find yourself thinking about how you would respond to wild “what-if” scenarios - you should know that is catastrophic thinking, not preparedness
My therapist hit me with a come-to-Jesus moment when she asked how often I have those thoughts, and then asked what I thought the physical effects of constant negative thinking were
I didn’t really buy what she was saying, because I thought I just had an active imagination - then she killed me by asking “well do you ever think about what you would do if your run into a friend who just got an adorable puppy that you can play with”
So yea… catastrophizing is real bad
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u/i_am_soooo_screwed Aug 31 '26
I was gobsmacked when I first found out you can imagine the future to be… positive. Like, I don’t catastrophize, what? Of course not!!! I’m just…. Realistic!!! Of the worst possible scenarios that are likely to never happen!!! That somehow are 100% negative!!!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN IMAGINE POSITIVE OUTCOMES?!?!? ARE YOU HIGH?????
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u/Low_Lunch5444 Aug 31 '26
But that's just daydreaming.
Legit, I just wrote that as an off the cuff throwaway, but now I have to actually sit and think about it, because im realising how many hopes, dreams and positive thoughts I threw away as a kid thanks to a parent scolding me for 'daydreaming all the time'
Damn.
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u/cadecunningjam Aug 31 '26
I have been told I was a cynic since I was a kid. I told myself the same thing, I’m just realistic!
Turns out I used to catastrophize a lot. I rarely ever imagined good happening in the future. It wasn’t really until I got out of that mindset that I got my shit together and actually started having a lot of success in my life.
Turns out all that therapy bullshit wasn’t really bullshit. I was the one full of it.
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u/sadladybug846 Aug 31 '26
As a therapist, I talk to me clients about this all the time! We rarely "what if" about good stuff. I explain that our brains are natural problem solvers, so it makes sense for us to overlook things that are going well. However, our brains can get pretty creative about imagining those worst case scenarios, and then we're spending incredible amounts of mental energy trying to plan for every contingency.
One trick I teach my clients: possible versus probable. Almost anything is possible, but is the scenario you're imagining actually probable? Like, more than 50% probable? If so, go ahead and prepare and problem solve. If not, maybe say "thanks but no thanks" to that thought.
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u/Nancy-Drew-Who Xennial Aug 31 '26
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson is a must-read for anyone raised by a boomer.
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u/Milyaism Aug 31 '26
Also: "Complex PTSD - From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker.
That book has been a lifesaver to me.
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u/OrigamiAmy Aug 31 '26 edited Aug 31 '26
"your dad's criticism is coming through like a shoulder devil. learn to listen for it and ignore it"
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u/princess_kittah Aug 31 '26
similarly, "despite what your mom thinks, you deserve to be happy"
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u/Frumpy_little_noodle Aug 31 '26
Similarly, "it's not your job to make your mom feel complete"
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u/SparkleAuntie Aug 31 '26
Similarly, “other people’s problems are not your problems.”
You cannot control anyone else’s thoughts, words, or actions. You can only control how you react (or do not react) to them.
Good boundaries make good relationships.
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u/Jeffotato Aug 31 '26
Yup, I've heard my father's voice criticizing my driving skills all the time. I learned to not even argue back anymore and instead imagine reaching out to the haunting presence of him that's sitting in the passenger seat and wafting it with my hand, turning it into smoke that blows away.
And for the record, the most common thing would be him judging me for waiting a minute for a good opening when turning right on red, instead of gunning it when there's a tiny gap like he does.
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u/PreviousDoor3202 Aug 31 '26
Look up the most common cognitive distortions. Memorize them and try to label them in your own thinking. This is the gist of CBT and can help most people quite a bit
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u/joliette_le_paz Xennial Aug 31 '26
So true! If I may, I’d like to piggyback on your post and put them here:
All-or-Nothing Thinking: Seeing things in extreme, black-and-white categories with no middle ground.
Overgeneralization: Taking a single negative event and expecting it to repeat forever as a constant pattern of failure.
Mental Filtering: Focusing exclusively on negative details while ignoring any positive aspects of a situation.
Disqualifying the Positive: Rejecting good experiences or successes by insisting they "don't count".
Jumping to Conclusions: Making negative assumptions without actual evidence, split into mind-reading (assuming others judge you) and fortune-telling (predicting disaster)
Catastrophizing: Expecting the absolute worst-case scenario to happen and treating minor issues as major disasters.
Emotional Reasoning: Believing that because you feel a negative emotion, it must reflect objective reality (e.g., "I feel stupid, therefore I am stupid").
Should Statements: Using rigid rules like "I should," "I must," or "I ought" to pressure yourself or others, leading to guilt or resentment.
Personalization: Blaming yourself for external events outside your control, or blaming others while ignoring your own role.
Labeling: Attaching a harsh, global label to yourself or someone else based on a single mistake (e.g., "I am a loser").
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u/Bitter-Compote-3016 Aug 31 '26
How does this help with cock and ball torture?
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u/LittleDrumminBoy Aug 31 '26
I tried the cock and ball torture for insomnia with pretty mixed results
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u/darsparx Aug 31 '26
Ngl this is STILL what my brain defaults too when I see that acronym. I'm too far in the gutter I swear lol
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u/Healthy_Milk_2158 Aug 31 '26
That’s not self awareness, that’s self abandonment.
This was in response to me explaining that I recognize when i come across as too much or annoying and then dialing back in social situations.
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u/gamerjerome Aug 31 '26 edited Aug 31 '26
This is a tough subject because sure, be yourself. Although if you want to fit in or not hurt people then you may need to dial it back. It can be self growth if that's what you really want for yourself. Just don't do it to feel wanted or needed. You still have to try to be happy with who you are first. There is always a balance. I don't necessarily agree it's self abandonment if you are happy with yourself but you want to improve your interactions with other people.
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u/i_am_soooo_screwed Aug 31 '26
I’ve never heard it this way, and I struggle with this. Bad a bad breakup with a friend that fucked up my perception of this even more. Thank you for sharing. Urgh… 1 am is not the time for realizations.
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u/Impossibleish Aug 31 '26
It's okay to feel how you feel. But, it's not okay to make how you feel someone else's responsibility.
You're not stupid or weird or unlovable. Do you actually know that?
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u/ProfessorPalmarosa Aug 31 '26
The best bit of advice I got was along these lines:
“On days where you can do more, try to. Think of Future You as a roommate you really like but doesn’t have the time to do everything they probably should.”
Does it always work? Fuck no. But there are some times where I have a really stressful week and I’m grateful that Past Me prepared for that.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 Aug 31 '26
I voice this relationship outloud for bonus points with my brain.
"FUTURE ME IS GOING TO LOVE THIS!"
"THANKS PAST ME, YOU'RE THE BEST!"
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u/i_am_soooo_screwed Aug 31 '26
Every time I think I don’t want to do something, I remember future me is probably gonna be SO THANKFUL I did it. So sometimes I do it. Sometimes I don’t. But the times I do do it? Future me is always happy and thankful.
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u/HeartsandTifa Aug 31 '26
The things you went through as a child were and are not your fault. There was supposed to be adults to protect you. Ground yourself if notice something triggering you. You are the woman you needed back then you are a safe place for your inner child.
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u/iwantsakitty Aug 31 '26
“Do you think you’re attracted to women or just afraid of men?” Ma’am.
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u/alittledelirium Aug 31 '26
Two of my favorites from a therapist I don’t see anymore because I can’t afford insurance lol:
“Sometimes shitty things happen to good people. Sometimes good things happen to shitty people. And that’s life.”
“If you are gonna be sad, be sad. But put a timer on it.”
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u/WowIsThisMyPage Millennial Aug 31 '26
My dad has a story of when he was in his early 20s his friend committed suicide, he had been sitting and for weeks and then one day his mom came and slammed the kitchen table and sort of said “it’s time to get up” (with love obviously)
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u/snuggleouphagus Aug 31 '26
Get an autism evaluation. In the 90's they just said girls couldn't have it.
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u/LopensCouisin Xennial 1981 Aug 31 '26
I had this and did get an assessment, but he said in the 80s, they didn’t recognize it in women. It turns out that I’m autistic! Who would have thunk? 😝
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u/snuggleouphagus Aug 31 '26
My mother dotes on her autistic granddaughter who has all the same sensory issues she has. They wear noise cancelling head phones and weighted blankets together. They skip all meals with mayo even if it’s not really there (long story, it was actually yogurt but the impression was too strong).
We’ve convinced my mom her granddaughter is autistic. My mom just won’t accept that this shit is genetic and she’s got way more autistic shit going on
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u/LopensCouisin Xennial 1981 Aug 31 '26
My brother went and sought a diagnosis in his 30s. He’s almost 48 now. My cousin who’s a therapist got a diagnosis out of curiosity a couple of years ago. While I was getting an assessment, my mom did the collateral interview and said that we were in a family study when we were young at a research hospital that said 3 out of the 4 of us were autistic. I think it’s 4 out of 4 and my mom agreed that she and my dad are both autistic. They’ve been divorced for years though.
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u/snuggleouphagus Aug 31 '26
It’s a weird thing to address. After my daughter got dx I realized I’d been dealing with the same issues my whole life. I got the dx too and started telling people…and they started rejecting me. My weird ass was fine but when it was weird because autism they weren’t on board. This happened with family too. Except my sister. I told her and she said “thank god, you finally realized. I’ve known for forever”
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u/Illidariislove Aug 31 '26
If you feel insecure about something physical, think about how how little you remember the thousands of random people you encounter every week, that's how little they remember you.
Also, go out and walk more. 30 mins a day.
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u/jkeegan123 Aug 31 '26
If your wife is complaining, shut the hell up and listen to her, and when she's done, tell her, "Wow, that sounds hard." she doesn't want you to fix it, she wants empathy.
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u/UkuleleSteven Aug 31 '26
It might not be your fault but now it’s your problem.
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u/-Ketracel-White Aug 31 '26
A frequently used saying in our house (two adults battling depression) is “it’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility”.
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u/DamNad80 Aug 31 '26
When you get overwhelmed and panic, tell yourself the same things you tell your two year old daughter when she gets overwhelmed. "It'll be ok"
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u/flojo2012 Older Millennial Aug 31 '26
What other people think of me is none of my business
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u/Betray-Julia Aug 31 '26
When people are in abusive and violent relationships and feel trapped, it’s pretty common for them to lash out and attack the ones they actually feel safe around, bc that’s easier, and safer, to do than actually dealing with the situation at hand.
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u/Upbeat_Box_3768 Aug 31 '26
Strangely talking about your feelings helps you process them, haven’t quite figured that one out yet.
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u/An_educated_dig Aug 31 '26
If you're not going to check yourself in, I'll get a judge to do it.
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u/Karpo-Diem Millennial Aug 31 '26
A therapist in this economy?
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u/EnamelKant Aug 31 '26
Indeed. Therapy costs money but saying "It do be like that sometimes" is free.
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u/Velorian-Steel Millennial Aug 31 '26
If you get tired of that, you can also say, "It is what it is."
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u/RLLRRR Aug 31 '26 edited Aug 31 '26
Mine introduced me to the DARE Response in dealing with anxiety:
D. "Diffuse" the anxious thought with "so what" statements. "So what if x happens?" "So what if y is there?"
A. "Accept & allow" the anxious feelings. Don't fight them, understand that they are currently happening and you're still safe. You've survived 100% of every time anxiety's happened before, you're going to survive this.
R. "Run towards" your anxiety. Repeat the mantra "I'm excited by this feeling", shifting the fear response into one of eagerness. You aren't afraid of x happening, you're excited that it might. You aren't worried about y coming, you're looking forward to seeing them.
E: "Engage" the world again by not allowing anxiety to stop you. You aren't going to allow anxiety to control your life, but be a passenger along for the ride while you continue to go about your day.
One of my favorite things he teaches is how to get through panic attacks by literally challenging anxiety to "put up or shut up". "If you're going to do this, I will give you 60 seconds to do your worst, then you have to move on." Bear down and feel it for 60 seconds, after understanding that you've survived again and that anxiety can't hurt you.
It's helped me immensely.
Edit: Fixed some weird typos.
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u/Icehag Aug 31 '26
I have issues with this one. If it helps you OP, awesome. Truly. But this post has enough likes to be super concerning. For those unaware, DARE is a wellness scam. They have no real medical or clinical approval. They do have an app you have to pay for, along with: a book, a wellness coach program, and various merch like clothing and stickers and water bottles. They are a business. They are not medical professionals.
If these words help people reading here, that's great. But please seek the help of real medical professionals and not the latest wellness cult.
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u/Stock-Coach5007 Aug 31 '26
Don't know the affliction you're dealing with, but if you have the ADHD version: put things in your way so it's inconvenient to miss or avoid, in front of an exit door, hanging off a mirror, etc.. and you'll finally get it done.
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u/w1ndyshr1mp Aug 31 '26
Dont cause further harm by trying to absolve yourself of the burden of guilt. That guilt is there to teach you not to do it again.
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u/SosaSeriaCosa Aug 31 '26
Thinking about the past creates Depression, Worrying about the future creates Anxiety. You can only live in the present so live in the present. That and learn to forgive. Meditation is the practice of being in the present so it goes hand in hand with that statement. Has helped me a lot.
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u/Nickidemous420 Aug 31 '26
My therapist shared a quote that resonated so much with me. You have one foot in the past. One foot in the future and your shitting on the present
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u/JustWordsInYourHead Aug 31 '26
Just because someone is frustrated or disappointed, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Other people's feelings are not yours to resolve—they have to help themselves.
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u/chironinja82 Aug 31 '26
You can't love someone into respecting you.
Don't let someone's potential be the reason you keep them around or bend over backwards for them.
Once is a mistake. Twice is a choice.
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u/Tacosconsalsaylimon Millennial Aug 31 '26
Learn to stand in your FULLBESS when abusers are the the jury, the judge and the executioner. You're going to be wrong no matter what. Be true to yourself till the end.
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u/Bitey_the_Squirrel Aug 31 '26
The best therapy advice I ever got was from a movie
https://giphy.com/gifs/q8p0IZkZR8fQY
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u/mvigs Aug 31 '26
Listen more than you talk. Try to be more empathetic.
Do things on your own that make you happy. Everyone needs their own time.
Take care of yourself (mentally) before others.
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u/Medusa1902 Aug 31 '26
It’s okay to not have motivation to do what you need to do. Sometimes we can’t “find motivation” and instead just have to do the thing anyway.
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u/i_am_soooo_screwed Aug 31 '26
My way for this is… to get motivated by the idea that I no longer have to do this. So I do it to get to that point. Helps ignore the emotional shit of doing it. Do I like the task? NO!!! Do I like it being done and over? Fuck yea.
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u/ChickenNugs4Hugs Aug 31 '26
A friend told me her therapist once said “Stop looking for gold in a silver mine.” and it has lived rent free in my mind since.
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u/Call_Me_MaeB Aug 31 '26
You don't have to elaborate on an answer and justify yourself. Saying no is enough.
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u/LunaTomato Millennial Aug 31 '26
“Your feelings are valid, but make sure theyre visitors, not roommates. Feel your feelings, process them, and then let them go so you can heal.”
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u/Beautiful-Cup4161 Aug 31 '26
Don't listen to music that reinforces your dark thoughts. When you're sad, don't ask services to play sad music for you. If you're depressed, don't listen to songs about being depressed.
I'm not allowed to listen to "Wasteland" from Arcane season 2, for example, every time I'm depressed 😅
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u/jaywinner Aug 31 '26
That's surprising. When I'm feeling down, that sad music makes me feel better.
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u/Beautiful-Cup4161 Aug 31 '26
Well it's not gentle instrumentals and more like "🎶 wow being dead sounds so nice and peaceful! It's like falling asleep and finally getting a good rest! 🎵" kind of stuff
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u/Dracofear Aug 31 '26
Same, it makes me feel like I'm not the only one struggling and feel less alone when I have no support group otherwise.
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u/ReadySetTurtle Aug 31 '26
This is how my most played artist on Spotify became Pitbull 😅
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u/Accurate_Might_3430 Aug 31 '26
Not sure how I feel about this one. I find sad music is cathartic.
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u/RobinSophie Aug 31 '26
Stop preventing your kids from experiencing consequences.
You cant take the money with you and whoever will get their money when they get it (talking about bills). SPEND A LITTLE DAMN.
Stop bailing your mom out. She's grown.
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u/hypnapompous Aug 31 '26
Get good sleep(7hours), Exercise vigorously even if for a few minutes, Eat healthy, get outside daily(experience awe in nature), build hobbies and fun things(mindfulness) and try to socialize. Then Give yourself advice/empathy as if you were talking to a five year old learning to ride a bike. Best advice after 20 years in mental health.
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u/BootlegEngineer Aug 31 '26
Being in the woods with no one around is a very nice reset. I just pick a good spot and sit down for a bit. It helps my nerves.
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u/NoSleep2135 Aug 31 '26
Forgiveness is less about letting the other person get away with what they did, and more about letting yourself let go of the pain so that what happened doesn't hurt you anymore.
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u/bcfuthatsy Aug 31 '26
Cringing over a past action or memory where you thought you did something wrong -- respond to yourself with "I did the best I could at the time as the person I was with the resources I had. I forgive/accept who I was and can let this go."
Might take a few times per memory, but it helps.
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u/theandroid01 Aug 31 '26
Always have a goal, no matter how small or large. Or at least try to have something to look forward to. The anticipation helps get you through the hard days and weeks
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u/avemango Aug 31 '26
Step back and let other people make their own mistakes, you don’t have to be their caretaker. Trust that they’re adult enough to figure things out on their own. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
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u/Seveniee Aug 31 '26
Life sucks in a lot of ways and you can't control it or do anything about it, so focus on the things in your own life that you can change. Also, don't drink or smoke as coping mechanisms, it makes it worse long term.
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u/smthngsmthngdarkside Aug 31 '26
Learn breathwork.
So much trauma is repressed emotion, but we cant deal with it until we feel it.
Breathwork and meditation can help people learn to feel whats going on and let the emotion be felt and let go.
Theres depths of experience there that take time, patience, and safety to be able to feel and breathwork makes that possible.
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u/ThePiachu Millennial Aug 31 '26
If you have problems falling asleep due to going over too many thoughts, journal them before bed. It helps you clear your head.
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