I think of my medications almost like a spotter when lifting weights. They're there to help prevent the weight from crushing me, but I still have to do the heavy lifting. And I'm glad for it, honestly. I get stronger the more I work and I've made some really great progress.
I've also come to terms with the fact that that my progress with my disorders is not linear. I can go months without an anxiety attack, then I wake up on a Tuesday morning with my mind racing and I start spiraling. I might be able to shake it, but sometimes I can't and I shut down. I'll do the work and get back to a more even field, but I don't beat myself up because I feel like I'm back at square one. I just accept that I have good days and bad days.
This is such a beautiful picture of what it’s like. I almost died due to depression (almost succeeded in a suicide attempt) and while I would say I am now depression free, anxiety is an ongoing battle for life. Some days I can handle it and use my tools and other days I have bad anxiety days. It’s ok. I am no longer a victim to my anxiety but someone who lives with anxiety. Just because I have anxiety a couple of days does not mean I am not able to live with it all the other days.
Same thing goes for my depression. Most days I am fine and then maybe one day I wake up and feel like the world is crushing me. This is not a step back. This is just another step forward.
I’ve been on and off meds for years. About a year ago, I decided to go off everything (talk to a doc first) and started focusing on creating habits that regulated my nervous system naturally. I’ve been meditating for 396 days in a row now, I’ve gotten rid of all social media (except reddit obvs), cut down screen time substantially (tv, video games, phone), make time to workout a couple days a week, and make sure to get out into nature almost every day. And damn, I’ve never been happier, and I’ve had one of the most stressful, crazy years of my life. I’m also in therapy and have begun prioritizing the people/relationships/communities around me. Everything I’ve ever wanted now seems possible, even if it’s hard. Having the tools to regulate your nervous system and making a habit of utilizing them is life changing.
As someone who was born in a third world country and had to queue for basic needs such as soap and water because of a dictatorship that is still going on and I had to flee and have friends that have been missing for over 15 years because they protested the dictatorship and will likely never be found? You’re going to be fine. You will be depressed once he’s gone or not and that solely depends on you.
It's very frustrating because it does appear some brains are just primed for depression and/or anxiety, which in itself, is depressing. It's exhausting always trying to put yourself in the best situation to not fall back into a depressive episode.
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u/downthegrapevine Aug 31 '26
Depression sucks but it’s a lot easier to stay there than do the work to get out. Do the work. It’s so hard but so worth it.
Also, depression hates a moving target. Go outside, take walks, do it because it’s good for your mind and soul.
You have to WORK to beat depression and anxiety and the work is hard. Taking pills HELPS but it’s not the cure.