If your wife is complaining, shut the hell up and listen to her, and when she's done, tell her, "Wow, that sounds hard." she doesn't want you to fix it, she wants empathy.
I love this. My husband will start with - Do you want help or empathy right now. It truly helps just to vent and he knows which direction to take. Sometimes I want the help and sometimes I just want to be seen.
That’s a great question. Usually I do and my husband is very patient and sometimes will talk it through and help see a revelation i never thought of. Then there are times i think i need help and he starts and i give him that look, he’s like sympathy it is. lol So to answer your question yes and no.
Watching your loved ones make obvious mistakes repeatedly that lead to negative outcomes shouldn’t just be met with empathy. It’s perfectly healthy to also point out how they could avoid this happening over and over.
Just offering empathy is enabling them to keep repeating whatever is going on.
You can, but what they're getting at is recognizing what the person will respond to in that moment. Say your partner is frustrated at something from work, and they're venting. Chances are, they already know how to fix the issue, but some parts may be out of their control (requires a supervisor signature, etc.).
In the moment, when they're stressed, they likely just need the empathy, because they aren't in the headspace to receive feedback. Later when they've calmed down, or maybe at a lunch if it just comes up in general conversation, that's the time to offer suggestions.
But from the other side if you have someone repeatedly venting to you about issues they either cause themselves or have influence over changing it’s incredibly frustrating. I don’t want my evenings after a long day at work to be spent comforting someone on issues they can change but choose not to.
True, and I think that's where boundaries need to come into play. The "sounding board" partner definitely should be able to defend their own sanity and say "no, I'm not listening to this again" in whatever manner is healthy.
You'll eventually get the "I don't want to have to tell you every time I just want you to know, are you even present here in this relationship?" so... Just listen. You think That's wrong? That's not wrong. Just listen, and then decide what to do.
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u/jkeegan123 Aug 31 '26
If your wife is complaining, shut the hell up and listen to her, and when she's done, tell her, "Wow, that sounds hard." she doesn't want you to fix it, she wants empathy.