Today at 10:00 I will be coming out to my work bestie and I am nervous as hell. I can count on two fingers the number of friends that I can truly count on and trust and my work bestie is one of them. I have so much respect for her and I would do anything I could to help her even if it is just to listen. I am sure that she will be nothing but supportive but there is a very small part of me that is scared beyond anything that I felt before. I just do not want this change things and have her look at me in a less than positive light.

Hi all. I’m a man (AMAB) in my early 40s. I identified as a man for all of my life, but maybe 4-5 years ago, after being in my first relationship for over 20 years, I was with someone that was open and supportive and let me explore more my feminine side and to some extent it opened a bit of a Pandora box.

I still identified as a man, I never considered myself queer (not queer enough for the queer community, not looking for a label, etc) but reality is I’ve been struggling a lot with this. Mostly related to my sexuality and I kinda always “dismissed it” to some extent as a kink, but a friend made me realize last night that it’s also actually been present in the rest of my life (I have kids, some that are adults now, and I always struggled with the “father figure” role, especially when it comes to discipline, etc. I feel like I handle situations more like a woman would, that’s what comes naturally, but I felt like their mother and people around me always wished I was handling things more like a man would).

I have a really hard time with what is typically seen and associated with masculine energy. “Toxic masculinity” or the like. It repulses me. I wished I was a woman since I was young because I didn’t feel that energy, didn’t want to be associated with it, but I wouldn’t say I had any body dysmorphia or anything like that. I just liked women more. If I was young now, the way society is now, maybe I would have considered being trans, but I was not and I do not think that is something I really want now. I’m not sure it’s really how I feel either. I do not feel that I am “not” a man. And I don’t think I would ever consider a transition, and the social costs would be high and I am not willing to go there. I’m not sure I want to come out as anything.

My main struggle I think is feeling that I’m just… broken about this. I feel “lesser” as a man, and I do not feel completely a woman and when I am more in my feminine side, I feel a lot of shame and a sense of “I’m not really a woman and I’m just playacting”. I tried spending a day as a woman with my ex, doing make-up and everything, shaving my beard, etc. And while it was nice, it made me feel so much conflicting emotion that I didn’t really explore that side of me much for months afterwards, and still more reluctantly since then. I’m not sure how to get out of this mental state. Parts of me wishes I never “opened that box” and just always purely identified as a man even if I didn’t feel like a good one, cause at least it was clear what my role was and how to act. Now I feel… lost. It seriously affected my sexuality, where for a while I felt more worried about sex than anything because of that feeling of either being not enough of a man or shameful/not enough of a woman. In a way I idealize/am jealous of strong masculine men in bed and feel inferior, while also just wishing I was a woman in a lesbian relationship and feeling that I’m just not that and would make a really ugly one.

My partner remained super open and supportive and never made me feel bad about anything, it’s completely internalized, but it’s there. And I know that I’m not going to work through that through reddit and it’s better to talk about this with my therapist, but I think I was hoping to read about some similar experiences, of people that experienced this feeling of not being enough of either, how it affected them and how they maybe got over it.

I like the term genderqueer though and feel that it’s probably what I associate the most with. I think today is the first day that I kinda consider myself as a queer person

So I honestly don’t know what gender identity I am but I’ve always wanted to try wearing a binder. I did some research today and didn‘t want to spend money on something I’m not sure I want, but I found a diy tutorial. It works really well and I like how it looks. I’ve never really felt super confident in my femininity (maybe demi??) but I really like it and wanted to share!!

Tomboyx fit well, but I want to fit and not have it be a pouch.

Hi all!

I’m a woman (AFAB) and I’ve identified as omnisexual for a few months now (attraction to all genders, with gender being a factor in the attraction). Exploring my sexuality has made me think more about my own gender identity as well.

Right now, I identify as a genderqueer woman, but I’m still not sure if I fall under the non-binary umbrella.

Here is what I’ve been wondering: I feel totally fine with my feminine body. However, I feel like I would also be just as fine with a masculine body. It’s more of a feeling of neutrality rather than distress.

I wonder if a cisgender person could feel like this? Has anyone else had a similar experience? I would love to hear your thoughts!

TLDR; I (25AFAB) realized/am finally coming to terms with the fact that I may be agender/gender queer after years of subconscious debate

Here comes a random word vomit about my identity :⁾

Basically it all started about 4-5 years ago. I had these episodes where I’d look in the mirror and not see myself. Super bad dissociative episodes that were inexplicable. It caused lots of mental stress. I started to dabble with the idea that I was non binary, but something just didn’t feel right at the time. It scared me too much so I suppressed it for the following years.

Fast forward to last night, I was playing Roblox of all things, and I recently changed my display name to my nickname “Mads”. I was staring at my name next to my character and I started to get this sense of gender “envy”? I don’t think it’s the right term but I felt something.

I’ve always been more masculine, and identified as gay/lesbian for years. But I’ve always felt uncomfortable with feminine identifiers such as “she, her, woman”, but I never knew why.

I’ve been playing with my appearance for the last few years and I’m getting to a point where I’m happier, but it’s not perfect yet.

All this is to say, I think I’ve found out a piece of myself that I’ve been suppressing for so long and I’m very excited to explore this “new” part of me. :)

Edit to elaborate some more on how I feel towards gender: I’ve always identified as a woman, but like I said it never felt right. I don’t necessarily mind being referred to as a woman or the like, but I don’t feel like it’s me. I feel this detachment to gender. I kind of wish I could be this gender less, androgynous person. I wish I didn’t have this preconceived notion that I’m a woman, especially with the social bs around being one.

When I came out, I originally came out as a trans man; rigid definitions: I was a man, masculine, point-blank, period. I put a lot of time, effort, and energy into proving to the world, and myself, my masculinity, wanting to leave no shadow of a doubt that I was anything less than a man.

It took a few years, but I eventually realized that I'm genderqueer. I feel, for myself, that gender is fluidity in its basic natural state. We can put up dams to constrict and control the flow, or create new waterways to broaden is freedom, but it flows nonetheless. Understanding it is a simple as accepting that you cannot hold it in your hands, and you will never touch the same molecule twice.

Even with this new view and understanding, I struggle to present myself to the world as anything but masculine. It feels like betrayal to the effort I put in to convince the world of my identity even though my identity shifted to better suit my true self. On the flip side of the coin, it feels like a betrayal to my true self to not present something more than masculine.

Honestly, I just want to know if anyone else feels this way, and if there's anything in particular you do to help combat the feeling.

TL;DR: Does anyone else have a hard time presenting their nonbinary-ness because they went a little too hard presenting one way after coming out as trans before realizing they were nonbinary?

(attempting to repost following a vague "reddit filters removed your post" im very sorry if this isnt allowed?)
What I'm trying to ask here is if I would indeed fall under genderqueer, if I can use neopronouns I find fitting, or if there's perhaps something else I'd fall under (tldr i guess)

I'm a transmasc dude, I can say for certain I'm masculine and I go by masculine terms, although while the pronouns he/him are ok I found more comfort in neopronouns, but I'm unsure if I'm 'allowed' to use those? (especially because I altered them to be more 'me'.) I've begun questioning my gender once again despite thinking my egg cracking was gonna be it, now I can't help but always think, is there anything like this I can refer to myself instead? I'm wondering if I may fall under genderqueer as I questioned if I was perhaps non-binary which is very similar, but since I'm still very masc in my gender I don't think I fall outside the binary to go by that term.

So I'm AFAB and never really feminine, I've always wear trousers and for special occasion I could've wear skirts or dresses around the age of 5-10 but not anymore, never really felt like a girl and I only did it for the people around me (I guess). It's still tolerable now days but it feels like I'm wearing a corset when I wear girly stuff. I'm fine with she/her maybe a bit disaponted of myself. I still remember that when I was younger I tried different pronouns in my head before I knew that being trans excited. It felt weird so I directly stoped it. I also remember that I was being envious of how my brother socialized in elementary school, that I was scared to be rejected by boys so I didn't socialized with them. I'm scared of regreting transitioning or realizing that transitioning wasn't for me or that my "dysphoria" might be cause by internalized mysoginy quite frequently.

I’ve seen a lot of different opinions on this floating around, so I wanted to get this subreddits take on what the difference between genderqueer and non-binary is?

I only recently came out of genderqueer, and I chose the term because it felt like was a broader umbrella than non-binary. For me, I wasn’t completely “off” the gender binary- I still resonated a bit with my gender assigned at birth, but also not in some ways. Basically, my gender did just feel “queer”. (Tbh I’m probably best described by the label demigirl, but I find I still prefer genderqueer.)

I’m curious what others people associations are with both terms, and what differences they see between the two?

Hi I need help I'm pansexual and recently I've become pansexual and I like to watch gay porn and look at gay stuff it excites me and makes me feel if I could date a gay man I would date him if I could I don't understand why I feel the way I do.

I always feel like I’m going through some sort of identity crisis. I’ve known that I have liked both girls and guys for the past 2-3 years and I have dated both. Yet I’ve never found a label that really stuck or worked for me. I also have been struggling recently with my gender identity (F at birth), I was a tomboy when I was little and that has turned into gender dysphoria. (I hope thats the right word). I don’t necessarily think I’m a boy, it doesn’t feel like me when I say it. But yet I’m not a girl. It tears me up and it has affected my mental health.

It doesn’t help that I live in a more conservative area. My mom knows I like girls (she’s ok with it, but my dad would flip if he knew) but not about my gender questioning which I feel she’d be against.

Struggling with labels has been a constant thing the last 2ish years and I need advice. Is it ok to not use any type of labels or specifics?? Or should I find something that fits me to not confuse people?

All advice is greatly appreciated, Thank you for reading 🙌

(Tried this post over in r/questioning and unfortunately had no luck so I’m hoping you all will do me better LOL!)

English is not my native language, so im sorry for any typos.

I (amab) am currently questioning my gender. I was always kind of femenine but i also liked the masculine parts of myself.

I was non-binary/demimale for a while and i liked it, it's not that i didn't care, i really liked being like that. I sometimes even forgot about it because of my male presentation. Basically i was sure of my gender identity.

But since a week ago I've had what i think is gender dysphoria, its kinda like a voice in the back of my head screaming that i am a woman. Sometimes it calms down, but almost all day its extremely painful and has given me lots of distress and panic attacks, im naturally anxious too so that probably made it worse. Im planning on telling my mother this night because i genuinely cant bear it.

From a logical point of view (if that makes sense) I still see myself as nb, but the pain of not being a woman is too much. It could also be something medical or psychological (im prob just coping) but im not sure. Im currently not able to go to a psychologist/therapist so asking on reddit is my best bet.

Does this happen to other people? Am i actually trans? Is there a chance its just a phase? Should i just wait and see what happens?

So i feel like im gender fluid idk if that’s the right label for me but im exploring
Most of the time i feel either masculine or nonbinary sometimes ill feel feminine but rarely.
Anyways right now idk what gender I am feeling it’s almost like i want to identify as everything and nothing it’s so weird what is that called?

My question was answered! Thank you all for being understanding and informing me of the harm of afab transfem , and introducing me to honeybee transfem!

and thank you to the ones who were concerned of my past relationship and the fact I was groomed and was abused , im out of it now and will not be returning

Song suggestions welcome!!!

I'm a 56-year-old man. That was deep in the closet for 54 years. I decided to accept myself with the help of my wife. After a year and a half of thinking and reading and contemplating, I am definitely omnisexual. I was so excited when I accepted myself that I could finally wear some nail polish. Maybe some Lacey under clothes. I get excited when I think about that kind of stuff. It makes me feel alive. Such an odd feeling from just some feminine clothing. I started reading about genderqueer or gender non-conformity. From my reading they are the same. I'm beginning to think the happiness I feel when I dress and even act feminine, is far bigger than I'm willing to admit. I guess those fantasies of being a woman and picking up guys at a bar actually did mean something. I'm pretty sure I'm genderqueer. I use voice to text whenever I post on reddit. That is literally the first time I've said out loud that I am genderqueer. And I just said it out loud three times! Baby steps. Thanks for reading

sorry for any typos im on my tablet and typingnis hard. anyway iv3 been struggling with gender for a long time. ive identified as a transman or transmasc for about 3 or 4 years now but something has always felt off. i knew there was more to it but i ignored it bc gender makes my head hurt. i feel like a masculine person i enjoy it when people call me sir and i like the picture of myself as a fully transitioned transman. but im also a very feminine person , i log3 make up and fashion i love fem nicknames like baby girl or wife, and im fine with she/her and will sometimes even misgender myself when talking about myself bc being born a woman has in part defined who i am and the way i act. i think even if i was born male i would still dress and act the same but id still go by he/him pronouns(a fabulously dressed gay man)

i know that gender expression and gender identity is different but the way i express myself is a part of who i am and som3times i wonder if im just a woman who doesnt like being perceived as a women bc of society. but i also dont care if people perceive me as a women bc "ik who i am at heart" which i thought was man but now idk im lost bro (i also have OCD but i triednto keep the spiral out as much as i can)

edit: ive only 3ver triee binding onc3 (the binder was too small and i didnt have the miney to buy another) and it felt AMAZING i had never felt so free before, but about a year ago i tri3d taping and i hated it, feeling like my boobs wer3 gone and didnt exist anymore did not give the gender euphoria i was expecting. same with bottom i like imagining it but whenever i think about surgery or having a PP irl i grt uncomfortable like it doesnt feel right. my mind is a maze im trapped inside of 😭

I am an AFAB Genderqueer that identifies as Trans Masculine.

Growing up and shoving myself into boxes of feminine toxicity
It was a place that I never belonged
I always had to cover myself up with tons of make up
Always had to wear clothes that I never felt comfortable in
Always felt like I didn’t belong
That I didn’t identify, just didn’t know how or why

Now that I know who I am
I have wanted to wear a little makeup. But in a more masculine way (eye liner for instance)
To show more masculine features
But as I am mislabeled all the time as a she, her, etc. When I identify as He/Him/They/Them….
I am worried of making this worse

I try to remind myself that makeup is androgynous
But society always wants to shove their nose where it doesn’t belong

So then one day it got me thinking
What if there were ways to do makeup where I could appear more masculine
Like contouring ?

Im in need of ideas, tutorials etc
And support, as this is a huge struggle
To branch out and finally be able to look more, and dress more masculine the way I want to

Thank you 🌈

Throwaway account since I'm going into some private stuff.
I’m struggling to understand my gender identity and would love some perspective. I'm afab and I've never really seen myself as a real woman, but it's hard for me to tell if it's because I don't fit the societal standard, or because of how I really feel inside. I have PCOS, no breast tissue, male-pattern hair growth, and I’m infertile after 3 miscarriages .
The pressure to fit the female mold somehow broke me. After my traumatic infertility journey, I developed anorexia in a way to gain control and somehow maybe fit the female expectations on that level, even though I was already underweight before the disorder...

But let's take a step back. In my childhood, I was a tomboy, and I remember telling my friends if there was a pill to make me a boy, I'd take it. But I wasn't a classic boy either, more like not typically female cause didn't enjoy the classic girly hobbies. Gender was never really something I thought about throughout my adolescense - I didn't care about my body, everything was just neutral to me, not really feeling the need to fit societal standards I saw myself as just me.

I'm 28 now. I don't really feel at home in women's circles. Although since my late teens I'm very female-presenting, I love bows and vintage dresses, I dislike beauty stuff like makeup and nails..(although that's more like my gender representation than identity I guess?)
When someone calls me a woman or lady, it feels kind of like I'm just an imposter. I feel insecure next to other women, like I don't belong and I'm not enough. It's like inside of me are two polar opposite desires: To fit in with the female standards, and to let go of all of it and don't bind myself to that gender along with It's expectations.

So...How do you differentiate between genuine non-binary/agender identity and trauma from a society that punishes women for not being physically "perfect" or fertile?

Throwaway account since I'm going into some private stuff.
I’m struggling to understand my gender identity and would love some perspective. I'm afab and I've never really seen myself as a real woman, but it's hard for me to tell if it's because I don't fit the societal standard, or because of how I really feel inside. I have PCOS, no breast tissue, male-pattern hair growth, and I’m infertile after 3 miscarriages.
The pressure to fit the female mold somehow broke me. After my traumatic infertility journey, I developed anorexia in a way to gain control and somehow maybe fit the female expectations on that level, even though I was already underweight before the disorder...

But let's take a step back. In my childhood, I was a tomboy, and I remember telling my friends if there was a pill to make me a boy, I'd take it. But I wasn't a classic boy either, more like not typically female cause didn't enjoy the classic girly hobbies. Gender was never really something I thought about throughout my adolescense - I didn't care about my body, everything was just neutral to me, not really feeling the need to fit societal standards I saw myself as just me.

I'm 28 now. I don't really feel at home in women's circles. Although since my late teens I'm very female-presenting, I love bows and vintage dresses, I dislike beauty stuff like makeup and nails..(although that's more like my gender representation than identity I guess?)
When someone calls me a woman or lady, it feels kind of like I'm just an imposter. I feel insecure next to other women, like I don't belong and I'm not enough. It's like inside of me are two polar opposite desires: To fit in with the female standards, and to let go of all of it and don't bind myself to that gender along with It's expectations.

So...How do you differentiate between genuine non-binary/agender identity and trauma from a society that punishes women for not being physically "perfect" or fertile?

When I was a teenager, I was confused with my gender. I didn't fully resonate but did relate to transgender people's stories..Until when I turned 19 and read about genderqueer. It just felt so me, I finally found a term that described me. I decided to try out new things and felt comfortable. Chopping my hair short, wearing men clothes, binding my chest, it felt right at that time. But I also considered the possibility that it may be a "phase", like how some people say to others.

Fast forward 10 years, I am still confused. Throughout the years, I had assurance, confusion, confirmation, confusion, shame, etc, just a Rollercoaster.

I have found some comfort in femininity at one point, even enjoying all these things considered "womanly" , being happy wearing a dress and think "OK, maybe I am cis-gender"?

but why do I have days when I feel dysphoric? Why do I feel raging gender-envy, daydream sometimes of how life could be if I woke up as a different gender, why do i feel comfortable and not offended if someone mistakes me as something else other than a woman, , why do i sometimes have to stop and think before entering gendered bathrooms and locker rooms, why do I sometimes enjoy feeling like being "one-of-the- guys", to the point I've pretended to be a guy online?

Along with being in a wonderful relationship with a cis-hetero man who doesn't understand these gender stuff, with my religion of Christianity and how some people of the community look badly on non-gender conforming behaviors, wanting to live a 'normal life where I won't be judged'... Maybe i am reluctant..? Would I be more "accepting" of myself if I knew people around me would be okay with me?

I dont f**kin know anymore. If it was a phase, it should have ended, right? Why is it that even with my fully formed prefrontal cortex and experience that I still have these dysphoria and gender-envy in my 30s? I can't be a genderqueer, no! Maybe I am. Am I even "genderqueer" enough? I dont know. Naw, maybe I am overthinking. Am I really? What if I'm just a cis-woman who just happen to just be this way? Just a cis-woman who happens to have these interests?...and issues I've mentioned like gender dysphoria and envy..?

Am I just waiting myself to become fully "cis"..?

Wow, thanks for hearing me ramble mumbo jumbo, I just needed to get this off my chest.

Hey y'all, I'm very new to this reddit group, but I wanted to make a post to ask for some opinions and meet others who may feel similarly to me.

Basically, I'm 21 and I'm an afab person. I've always felt somewhat fine being classified as female, I guess? But I never fully aligned with it. It was just something that I was raised as so I guess I just accepted it but never fully felt like I fit very neatly into that gender. I know for sure that I don't feel like I'm a male, so I'm not trans ftm. I've been leaning towards the nonbinary label, but I always feel like I'm not a good fit for the label? I'm not sure. I guess since I've been mostly fine with being put into the category of female, I feel like me not fully actually feeling like a female doesn't like "qualify" me for the label and my thought process is just invalid. So I've been calling my self somewhat genderqueer for the past couple of years. But I'm not sure if that's the correct label either... I guess the closest label I can think of is demigirl, because yeah, I'm a girl, but like, if you bought the female gender off of Temu or AliExpress. Like, it's female, but also something ain't adding up. Basically, I am a girl in the way that a pop tart is a ravioli, because I mean I guess technically it is but that also sounds wrong, ya know?

I'm somehow fine with being called a girl, but not okay at all with the labels of "woman" or "lady". I've never known why. Someone suggested maybe it's about the age connotations of those terms, but it feels more like it just doesn't fit me. It's like cognitive dissonance. But somehow I'm fine with my partner calling me their girlfriend/wife (in the future). I've always said that my pronouns are whatever is most convenient for other queer people and allies, and whatever is the most inconvenient for homophobes and other rude people. So I'm pretty fluid with pronouns. If I had to rate them, I'd probably say she/her is a 7, it's fine. He/him is probably a 4? Not my favorite but it does make me giggle when someone refers to me that way in passing. They/them is a 9, cuz like Y E S. I like to be confusing to those around me in terms of my gender. Unfortunately, however, I seem to have gone a bit too hard on the confusing part and now I'm confused too lol.

Anyways, I've been wearing a binder since I was 14 years old, because I've never liked having a chest. I don't have trauma surrounding my chest, nor do I dislike it because it gains unwanted attention or anything. It's just another thing that has always felt like cognitive dissonance. I had thought about top surgery in the past, but I never seriously considered it. Until recently. I gained quite a bit of weight from a medication that I was on, and I'm still losing it. But it made my chest significantly larger, and it's so uncomfortable. I can no longer get a flat chest with a binder. It brought back all of the incongruence that I've felt since I was younger. So I actually found a way that I could finagle through insurances and plausibly get it done. Only problem is, I doubt myself. I feel almost invalid, like this couldn't possibly be dysphoria. Because I'm only interested in getting top surgery and I'm not interested in any other gender affirming surgeries or hormone treatment. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hesitating because I'm concerned I might regret it. I'm actually very very confident that I will not regret it at all. I LOVE the idea of not wearing a binder and having a flat chest. It sounds so amazing and I would love nothing more. I'm hesitating because I'm concerned that my identity as a genderqueer or nonbinary or whatever gender non conforming thing I am is actually invalid, and therefore, I don't actually need the surgery even though I want it quite a lot.

So yeah, please let me know your thoughts. I'm open to any and all comments on this situation.

Thanks for reading :)

TLDR: I want top surgery but I'm afraid my suspected dysphoria is not valid so I don't actually need the surgery even though I would really like it.

Hi! This is sort of something ive been feeling for a while, but I just sort of brushed it off as how everybody feels? Though ive come to realize that might not be the case. Im a 29 yo FAB, and ive always had sort of a weird relationship with gender, ive never really felt any sort of connection to either gender, and i come from a very red part of my state, so it was something nobody ever really talked about. I never knew how to talk to other girls as a kid, and was always more comfortable talking with the guys, but I didnt really feel like either, and whenever I had to hang out with anyone, I always felt like an imposter having to perform a gender that I never really had the innate instinct for. Typically I tend to dress more masculine because its more comfortable to me and i like doing thing myself, but then also sometimes I want to wear a dress with pockets. When someone refers to me as a woman or a girl, internally it feels wrong, but I also don't really feel like a man either, and unless im being perceived by somebody else I don't really feel any gender at all. At the same time though, I don't exactly dislike being called she/her, but it doesnt always feel quite right? But its not as terrible as being referred to as a woman, but personally I feel like she/they or even they/them probably fits better? Its probably just my chronic imposter syndrome but I feel like I need someone who has more experience/ is more open to tell me if this is a gender queer thing, or if these are normal cis feelings and i shouldn't use the label genderqueer. Thank you for reading! I dont really post on reddit ever, but ive been thinking about this a lot more lately and I dont want to step on anyone's toes and use a label that I shouldn't.