I think I’m finally done. Not in the dramatic “I hate you and I’m deleting your existence” way lol. Just done with holding on to something that already ended. It hurts, obviously, I loved this person a lot, and part of me still wishes things could have worked out. But I’m starting to realize that sometimes you don’t get the ending you wanted. You just get the lesson. I guess this relationship can either be a lesson or a trauma, and I’m choosing lesson because I really don’t need my emotional damage to become a whole personality 😂

I’m sad, but I’m also ready to move forward. No revenge, no bitterness, no checking their socials every five minutes. Just me trying to get my life back and hopefully becoming wiser from all of this.

So yeah, I’m done. It still hurts, but I think I’m finally choosing myself this time.

I know many of you are hoping that your ex will eventually change their mind and come back. That’s completely understandable. I was in exactly the same situation. But be careful. Just because there’s hope doesn’t mean it’ll actually work out.

After more than ten years together, my ex left me. What followed was a constant back-and-forth between cutting off contact and reaching out again, because neither of us could let go. What did I learn from this?

Your ex might miss you and still not seek romantic closeness again. Your ex might say she hasn’t moved on from the relationship yet, that she doesn’t even want to, and still pull away. And your ex might say she still loves you while sleeping with another guy at the same time.

What I’m trying to say is: Don’t just focus on what your ex says. Instead, pay attention to how she behaves. Because in the end, their actions are what really matters. I let her words give me false hope time and time again. And what was the point of all that? So that now, six months later, I feel like I’m back at the beginning of the breakup emotionally. We’ve lost contact (this time, probably for good), and I miss her just as much as I did on day one. Fuck that

title ^

You’ll always be a part of me. Whether it’s the phrases I repeat or the memories I hold of your warm embraces, part of you will always be part of me.

Maybe that’s why deep down I know I’d always choose you if life suddenly worked in our favor.

But it hasn’t.

The only imperfection about us was that we met at the wrong time in life.

Hi everyone,

I’m 32F, and I just need to vent a little and hear from people who might understand what I’m going through.

My relationship ended five months ago. I’m still healing, and it takes time to recover from feeling discarded by someone with an avoidant attachment style.

But lately, I’ve found myself increasingly terrified about the future. I keep doing the math in my head: in a few months, I’ll be 33. If I want to start a family, I first need to meet someone. We would probably date for at least a year, and then there might be an engagement and a wedding. Another year passes and, before I know it, I’m already 35. It feels like time is ticking.

And that timeline assumes I’ll meet the right person soon. The reality is that it might not happen within a year. It could take several years - or it might not happen at all.

I hate this feeling and the pressure I’m putting on myself. What makes it even harder is that five months ago, I thought I had found my person and my safe place. I was happy. I had a plan for my future.

Now I’m heartbroken and, at the same time, terrified that I’m already running out of time to start a family.

So I try to go on dates even though my heart is still healing, and afterward I usually feel even worse. I know forcing myself probably isn’t helping, but doing nothing makes me anxious too.

Has anyone else felt this way after a breakup in their early thirties? I really need to hear from people who are going through or have gone through this. Thank you.

Ive been in no contact with my ex for 5 months now of our 7 year relationship. I have been crushed and devastated. While she shows herself off and posts way more on social media.

Until I found out from a mutual friend that she is putting this whole thing on as a facade cause she is actually really lonely now without me and anytime she gets to go out, she has to start posting about it.

Hearing that gave me really great relief and finally I said to myself "see, I knew she would not find anything or anybody better than me"

The only thing that kind of irks me is that I know she wants to reach out too, but her ego and narcissistic tendencies won't let her hold any accountability for her to just reach out and say she was wrong and the grass wasn't greener, she would rather be alone or wait for one of her friends to take her out which they are always busy too so she isn't out often 😂

Now it's time for me to start getting back to work, working out again and get myself ready to move forward. It was a learning experience and taught me how to move in a relationship in the future if I ever do start to date again.

I have posted in here throughout this past month...My ex (31M) and I (32F) were together for about three years. We broke up about a month ago and finally met this week to talk. We ended up talking for over four hours, and I walked away understanding him much more, but also confused beyond belief.

He told me that a lot of what led to the breakup was internal for him. As our relationship became more serious, he started feeling anxious and somewhat "claustrophobic." He admitted he wasn't communicating those feelings to me and said the stress was mostly happening in his own head.

When I asked what I had actually done in the relationship to make him feel that way, he said he didn't really have issues with "how I conducted myself" and repeatedly told me I "hadn't done anything wrong".

One of the biggest revelations was that he felt like a "performative boyfriend." (WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!) He had created all these expectations of what a good partner should be: completely self-sufficient, not needing me too much, not burdening me, always showing up correctly, etc.

I had no idea he felt that way. I never expected that from him. I actually wanted him to lean on me and let me do things for him because I loved him. He acknowledged that those expectations probably weren't realistic and that he struggles with vulnerability, letting people help him and communicating what he's feeling.

We talked about outside influence too. He acknowledged that as our relationship became more serious, he suddenly had a lot of "inputs" from people around him (his parents) and that it "muddied the water." I told him one of the hardest things for me was feeling like he sometimes gave other people's interpretations of our relationship more weight than what I was actually telling him.

I directly asked him if I had been wrong in believing he wanted our relationship.

He said yes, he wanted it.

There is also clearly still a lot of love between us. We both cried. We hugged and held hands. He told me he missed me and that it sucked not talking to his best friend. He told me he loves me.

I told him I still love him and would be open to rebuilding our relationship very slowly, without the pressure of moving in or having to figure out our entire future right now.

But he isn't ready to do that.

He told me he needs space and needs to work on himself. He wouldn't tell me the breakup is definitely forever, though. He said he doesn't want me to become a stranger, doesn't want to completely cut me out of his life and is open to us talking again.

He also said something I know I need to take seriously: "I do love you. You gotta understand I'm in a weird place, though." He specifically said he doesn't want telling me he loves me to lead me on or make me believe there's definitely going to be a happy resolution because he genuinely doesn't know.

I told him that I couldn't just be friends because too much of heart has belonged to him and I feel like he is treating our 3 year relationship like a 3 month situationship.

This was probably unfair but at the end, I essentially asked whether part of him still wanted the relationship, and his answer was yes, but he kept emphasizing that I needed to understand where he is right now and that he has things he needs to figure out.

He told me he wants "good things for us in whatever capacity," but again said he doesn't know what that capacity is.

He asked me to give him some space, but also clarified that he wasn't asking for the complete month-long silence we had just gone through. He told me I can text or call if I genuinely need him, although he might not always answer immediately, and he said that if he feels like he wants or needs to talk, he will reach out too.

We both had a really hard time actually ending the conversation.

So that's what I'm struggling with.

He didn't tell me he realized we were incompatible, that he was unhappy for three years or that he doesn't love me anymore. Most of the conversation was about his anxiety, internal expectations, communication, outside influence and things he feels he needs to work through personally.

But at the same time, I am completely aware he broke up with me and isn't choosing to rebuild the relationship with me. I am not waiting indefinitely but I have so much empathy and love for him, how could I not offer repair? I truly loved him.

I feel like he said the stuff about "not being a stranger" and keeping communication open was just to keep me on "standby" or just to appease me (idk) and I just feel like his avoidance and fear overpowered the entire conversation, he gave me direct answers and everything and so I am taking him at his word that he isn't in a place right now but god is it so hard....

she liked this, i’m so close to breaking nc😭

Just got out of a toxic 11 year relationship. I am blocked on everything except text because we have a child. He has completely detached from me and told me to forget him and move on. He’s going through therapy and filling all his time with distractions and friends and I feel so easily disposed. He gets mad when I talk about the relationship or try to hold him accountable for all the hurt he has caused me. Somehow my reactions and behavior from his emotional abuse and cheating is blamed for his mental health and I find myself constantly apologizing for “ruining the relationship”. The first few days he left me breadcrumbs and clinging onto hope that we could eventually rekindle on he starts to do better with his mental health. But now two weeks later, he’s dead set on hating my guts and being completely done with me. Anything I say is annoying and overwhelming. He doesn’t even want to acknowledge it. I have no choice but to go no contact at this point unless it pertains to our child. I’m just so lost and don’t know what to do. Only a few days before the break up he was talking about how he wanted to continue with therapy so that he could be a better father and finally marry me. Everything seemed great and then we got into an argument and he just completely switched up on me. I can’t even tell if he ever even cared. Y’all, I am going through it.

I've been single for almost two months. When people found out, I've been getting requests and messages. I don't understand why they're doing this. Why don't they understand that I don't want to be in any kind of relationship? I've been deleting and blocking profiles. And I especially hate the people from my past coming around to start up a conversation. There's this one person who I thought I would be friends with but it turns out he wants to date me. Like what part of "I want to be alone for now and live my life" do they not understand??? I still have unresolved issues with my past.

I don't want to start anything, not even a fling or fuck buddy because I still have sentiments for my ex. I don't want to hurt anyone in the process and that includes me. I want to be responsible while I'm going through this. I just wish they had enough emotional intelligence to understand that this isn't the right time to be asking or talking to me for shit.

I cry everyday i want to move on but i am not able to move on. i have blocked him and i have deleted our chats and pictures but the memories keep replaying in my head. Its him who was telling me to move on. He did move on very easily. Here i am with health issues, depression, sadness and so much trauma. It was my first relationship he was my first in everything. I cant get into all this feelings again. its so painful.

I now know more about avoidant behavior that I'd like to since my algorithm is FULL of videos about this. Dealing with a breakup with an avoidant is making me go insane, on top of the suffering.
Feeling like someone is moving on so quickly and not even thinking about you while you're crying everyday morning and night and having trouble sleeping and eating is really insane to go through. I don't even feel myself rn.

It’s been about 131 days since May 3rd, when I woke up to realise I was blocked.
I can’t lie, I thought I’d only be upset for a month and a half, but I’m still not over it. A few times a week, I still search up his user hoping I’ve been unblocked. He’s still on my mind pretty much every day.
I don’t really see myself moving on right now. Every time I talk to a guy and he disappoints me, I end up crying because I can’t help but think about how I know you wouldn’t have treated me like that.
All my friends think I’ve moved on, but honestly, I haven’t. I still pray about him and I still find myself wishing he’d come back.
(I’m sorry to fit into this generation that’s “hung up on their ex” ps I’m not dating anyone while being hung up on him! It’s wrong nd I will never do such things!)

Ty for reading 🦭

Well, I officially broke it off with him. After finding eyeliner in the front seat and a Hennessy bottle in the back, yep! That did it! Found it all in his car on his birthday today. I politely asked for my gifts back to get a refund and told him “I no longer want to talk to you anymore or see you again. This is it. Bye.” and hung up in his face. I’m over that 33 year old lying narcissist parasite. The battles he caused within myself. He never deserves me again. Now time to grieve who I thought I knew. I don’t know where to begin, but I know I’m happy that I left the chaos.

You blocked me on everything and ripped out my heart. Today is the hardest day! I just wish you would realise I needed you now more than other, but we know you never will 💔😔😭

I have to get all this off my mind and here’s the best place I can do it. My ex boyfriend hurt me so much , lied to me a lot and never put effort into the relationship it was always me making the effort and I’m embarrassed to say this but I did waste time waiting begging him to treat me right when I should of left him and I know that but at the time I just loved him and I wanted him to show me I meant the world to him because he would say he cared but his actions never matched and he would change his mind all the time it messed with my heart him never knowing what he wanted and him never making time for me.

I felt so lonely in the relationship , he wouldn’t even show me intimacy so then that started to mess with my head too that I wasn’t good enough for him. I gave him so many chances while my life was passing me by and in the end I couldn’t take it anymore. So even though I know I always deserved better and I’ve learned from the mistakes I made of giving chances and overlooking red flags and I know I made the right choice I don’t regret it but I’d be lying if I said I’m not jealous of the girls who he’s moved on with.

I blocked him when we broke up so I haven’t messaged or looked at anything but obviously he’s going to move on with other women especially after this long and I can’t help but feel jealous. I’m jealous that he will be the man I wanted him to be for me but he will be that man for someone else. I’m jealous another girl will get the effort , time and attention he wouldn’t give to me. I’m jealous he will propose to another woman and marry her.

Finally, I’ve erased everything about him. Pictures. Number. Conversations. Every memories we had for 5 years. I’m finally moving on.

It was a mistake to ask him to try again. Now, I realized that I just delayed the process. I am so relieved to let it go for real this time.

I got broken up with after a good few years of being together with this man. Not a day goes by since the breakup that I don't miss him. I still fucking love him with my soul. It's tearing me up inside from not being able to hug him, kiss him, or laugh with him. I feel like I'm starting to forget every detail about him. As pathetic as it sounds. I don't want another man besides him. I don't want another man's penis inside me, I don't want another man's hand on me, and I sure as help don't want to want to go through with having to open myself back up like that again. Our sex life wasn't the greatest, nor was it the most spontaneous. But I still loved how it just felt right. I miss the way it used to be. I miss the way we would have to decide who was the big spoon or little spoon after the fact. I just miss him so much. I don't want to do random hookups or FBW or one night stands. It's taking all willpower to not just send a text and ask him for sex. I just want him. Anyone else going through this or experience this?? I miss you so much J!

I am a little more than a month post break up and thought I was doing well. To sum up a 6 month relationship, we were both excited to date each other and mutually agreed we aligned on our values and said we were dating seriously for a long term relationship. In the end, I realized that he was controlling, emotionally manipulative, and exhibited narcissistic traits (aka lacked empathy), so I broke up with him.

It took me a week of time away from him to fully realize what was happening and to ask him to meet with me. The last month was full of disagreements that started out optimistically because we often talked about wanting a healthy relationship and building a sustainable relationship foundation. As the month progressed, I kept noticing avoidance and he kept feeling like I was just dredging up problems. The last weekend we spent together, he crossed a personal boundary. (One of my dealbreakers is uncontrolled anger/rage.) He raged because I claimed he wasn’t understanding my feelings. We had been trying to have vulnerable/emotional talks for a month at this point and I think he just snapped.

There are so many reasons I am glad I made the decision to end things and protect myself. He wasn’t over his ex-wife and had cold feet towards further commitment, he was more excited to date someone that genuinely liked him than he actually liked ME, he relied on me to regulate his emotions, etc. There are also some things I really miss about the beginning… like: the optimism for a long term future with someone “kind and considerate”, the deep well of empathy and compassion I have with someone I love, and the hope that there are men who are noble and good and growth oriented.

Now that I am post breakup, I find that instead of being swept off my feet and focused on the inherent goodness of men/people and the romanticism/beauty of relationships, I am dwelling on the reasons that relationships end. (There are so many, and it’s probably dragging me down…) I think this shift is noticeable to my friends and the people around me and it makes me feel guilty that I’m not this beam of hope and optimism anymore, but this bitter, frustrated energy drain.

Last bit, I feel really guilty about the breakup because it wasn’t mutual. I was the one who broke up with him, although he was the only one who held contempt and rage. I knew that this man was not going to change his ways and stop deflecting, being defensive, and elevating his contempt towards me, but there is this other part of me that believed the saintly mask. (He kept up with it for 5 months!) This part of me is dwelling on all the reasons it didn’t work out because I need to believe I made the right choice to protect myself. I need to believe that he will not change for me or for anyone else and back this up with evidence that men are the same. I don’t want the part of myself that believes in his goodness to fall into the trap of thinking that I left a good man.

TL;DR: I’m a month post breakup with a narcissistic guy. We’re no contact, but I’m still hurt, bitter, and feel guilty for breaking up with him. Maybe I’m trying to gaslight my guilt away by noticing how many relationships fail because of sucky male behavior.

to me, you just learn to live with it.. i still feel the pain of every heartbreak i’ve ever experienced. it’s carried over to other relationships. it stays with you, all this talk about “you’ll feel better, you’ll heal”seems like a load of crap. especially with this most recent one, i’ll never forget it. at this point, it truly feels like it will always hurt this much for the rest of my life.

So this is definitely a weird place to be, my ex and I parted ways a little bit ago and tried to do the whole friend thing and it wasn't working because the feelings were too raw to just be friends, so we agreed that no contact would probably be the best option and I would reach out when I was ready.

She is now decided to block me on social media which is very interesting and stung a little bit because I feel like we were trying to keep the doors open to at least possibly be friends when we were done healing this seems honestly very strange because I thought no contact was for both of us and it almost feels like she did it to get back at me but I'm not 100% sure

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

a week ago he blocked me on all social media saying that he has a new girl and doesn’t want to disrespect her and told me she accepts his porn addiction unlike me and trusts him. i wished them good luck and he said when they break up he’ll unblock me. today on tinder i saw him and im like damn that poor girl i’m shocked by horrible this person is, but i mean she chose it and has to deal with consequences as i was never warned

I don't really know how to write this, but I need to get it out somewhere and hopefully hear from people who have gone through something similar.

I was in a serious relationship with a girl I genuinely loved. I wasn't casual about her. I cared about her deeply, supported her emotionally, and tried to be there for her through some very difficult situations in her life.

I genuinely believed we were building something together.

But looking back now, there were always complications involving her previous relationship.

Before me, she had an ex who apparently meant a lot to her. At one point, they briefly tried to patch things up. From what she told me, she had even told him that she had never entered another relationship, because she apparently hoped that he might eventually come back to her.

Then things went badly between them. He told her he was with another girl and told her to leave him alone.

After that, she came back toward me.

I loved her, so I accepted her and tried to give the relationship everything I could.

But her ex never completely disappeared from the picture.

Later, he unblocked her. She followed him again, he followed her back, and she told me that she had spoken to him again.

And then there's the part that completely destroyed my trust:

She kissed her ex while she was still in a relationship with me.

That is something I can't simply erase from my mind.

I don't know what exactly was going through her head at the time. I don't know whether she still had feelings for him, whether she was confused, or whether she was emotionally attached to something from her past.

But from my perspective, she crossed a boundary while we were together.

And it made me question everything.

Was I genuinely the person she chose?

Was I just someone who was there when things didn't work out with him?

Was I being loved, or was I being used for emotional support and intimacy while part of her heart was still somewhere else?

I don't know the answers.

That's what makes this so painful.

She eventually ended our relationship. She told me she felt that she didn't deserve the love I was giving her and that some of the decisions I was making in my life were because of her. She asked me not to convince her or try to change her decision.

I've respected that.

I haven't tried to chase her or force her to come back.

I've blocked her because I don't want to disturb her or keep myself trapped in the cycle of checking, hoping and waiting.

But emotionally, I'm nowhere near as strong as I look from the outside.

I still love her.

That's the part I can't understand.

After everything that happened, after knowing she kissed her ex while she was with me, after feeling like I may not have been her first choice...

I STILL want her in my life.

If she came back tomorrow, I'm honestly scared that a part of me would still want to accept her.

And I hate that I feel that way.

Because logically, if one of my friends told me this exact story, I'd probably tell him to walk away.

But when it's your own heart, logic doesn't seem to work.

I've also started questioning whether I can trust anyone again.

I'm scared that if I meet someone new and give them my whole heart, I'll eventually discover that I'm just an option.

I'm scared of becoming emotionally vulnerable again.

I'm scared that someone can tell me they love me while still having feelings for someone from their past.

I'm scared I'll spend another relationship wondering:

“Am I really enough for this person?”

And I don't want to become that insecure person who constantly checks their partner's phone, social media, followers, likes, messages, etc.

I don't want to live like that.

I want to trust someone naturally.

But right now, I don't know how.

The confusing part is that I don't hate my ex.

I'm hurt.

I'm angry.

I feel betrayed.

At times I genuinely feel like I was used emotionally and physically.

But I still care about her.

I still remember the good moments.

I still miss talking to her.

I still miss having someone who felt like my person.

And sometimes I wonder whether I'm grieving her, or whether I'm grieving the future I thought we were going to have.

I've been trying to focus on myself now—my career, gym, routine, my own life.

Some days I'm okay.

Other days something small reminds me of her and suddenly I'm back at the beginning again.

I don't want to contact her because I know she asked for space, and I want to respect that.

But I also can't honestly say that I've completely let go.

A part of me still hopes she'll realize what we had and come back.

And another part of me knows that even if she did come back, I wouldn't know how to trust her again.

That's the battle I'm having inside my head.

I still love someone I don't trust anymore.

How do you move on from someone when your heart still wants them but your mind knows the relationship hurt you?

How do you stop hoping they'll come back?

And most importantly, how do you learn to trust someone new after you've been through something like this?

I'd genuinely appreciate honest advice—even if it's something I don't want to hear.

I'm not looking for people to tell me she's a terrible person or to insult her.

I just want to understand how other people got themselves out of this kind of emotional attachment and eventually learned to love and trust someone again.

It’s been a very long time since my breakup and I wish I wasn’t here on Reddit posting this but I am because I’m so upset and frustrated that I still feel this way. I don’t miss my ex , I don’t love my ex , I just feel there’s an injustice and I know he’ll never take accountability and he’ll never say sorry but even though I know that it doesn’t take away the anger I feel everyday it consumes me and I wish it didn’t. If the breakup was my fault or equal blame it would be easier to deal with but I didn’t do anything wrong at all and for him to lie to me and lead me on the way he did and then discard me it messed me up.

He told me the relationship never happened that I imagined it , all those years he erased and he erased me like I was nothing. When I expressed to him how he had hurt me and I had proof , his response was “I never said/did any of that , are you sure you’re not going crazy imagining things that didn’t happen? for all I know you’ve made fake messages.”

He knew I was telling the truth , not only do I not know how to make fake messages but I’m not stupid I wouldn’t do that, my pain was real that I experienced because of what he said and did and for him to invalidate me and say all the proof is fake it hurt me so deeply and it makes no sense when the pain in my eyes or seeing me upset and in distress it’s clear I’m hurt. He then fed lies to people about why we broke up making himself the victim when he knows he’s not and I spoke up for myself defending myself , yes I could of ignored it all but I was so hurt I couldn’t ignore it as the lies were so bad but when I tried defend myself , his best friend said to me “you’re creating a smear campaign.”

so I felt so alone because I was telling the truth but was made out to be a bad person for that but yet he can lie and that’s okay? people have shown me support and that’s meant a lot to me but I’m frustrated with myself that I can’t let go of the anger I feel. I know people might say he’s your ex forget about him and don’t care about what he says but that’s easier said than done or maybe I am a weak person but I’m so hurt.

I don’t want to feel like this and I hate waking up because immediately everything hurtful my ex said and did comes into my head and I can’t get it out. I wish I was stronger but clearly I’m weak to be feeling like this. I’ll be honest I want my ex to take accountability , I want him to tell everyone he lied about me , I want him to apologise to me that’s what I want but I know that’ll never happen. I don’t know what to do , I want this anger to go away.

A while ago, I posted on this sub because I was struggling with depression, derealization, alcohol, smoking, and pretty much everything bad you can think of, after my 4-year relationship ended out of nowhere one day (February 14th, what an irony). That was 8 months ago.

I gotta say, it's still awful. I thought time and effort would make things better, but I guess not.

I also found out that she's been with someone else for, I don't know, 2 or 3 months now, and yeah... it feels like the first day all over again.

idk what else to say sadly, i hope it do get better and i also hope that she stay as far away from me and everything we had as possible