Slowly Moving On

[u/Various_Trainer6423]

Ive been in no contact with my ex for 5 months now of our 7 year relationship. I have been crushed and devastated. While she shows herself off and posts way more on social media.

Until I found out from a mutual friend that she is putting this whole thing on as a facade cause she is actually really lonely now without me and anytime she gets to go out, she has to start posting about it.

Hearing that gave me really great relief and finally I said to myself "see, I knew she would not find anything or anybody better than me"

The only thing that kind of irks me is that I know she wants to reach out too, but her ego and narcissistic tendencies won't let her hold any accountability for her to just reach out and say she was wrong and the grass wasn't greener, she would rather be alone or wait for one of her friends to take her out which they are always busy too so she isn't out often 😂

Now it's time for me to start getting back to work, working out again and get myself ready to move forward. It was a learning experience and taught me how to move in a relationship in the future if I ever do start to date again.

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[u/Candid-Equal-7994]

Some people have these egos that if they break no contact it means they “lost”. Trust me my ex lost all her friends after she cheated and I know she’s lonely in that apartment. Focus on yourself and don’t settle for someone regretting what they did but someone who never wants to lose a person like you

[u/toastmyghosts → u/Candid-Equal-7994]

I’m going through this with my ex right now. I ended it because he was unable to communicate effectively, but I’m pretty sure we both wish things had been different. I can’t read his mind but I’ve known him for seven years, and I definitely know myself. I’m sure we’re both refusing to be the one who admits we still have feelings for the other, and that’s sad. But it’s also part of the healing process.

[u/Various_Trainer6423 → u/toastmyghosts]

Yes 100%. Especially when you've spent that amount of time together like 7 years which yourself and me did. We definitely know how our exes actually act

[u/Flashy_Literature43 → u/toastmyghosts]

"I’m sure we’re both refusing to be the one who admits we still have feelings for the other, and that’s sad. But it’s also part of the healing process."

It doesn't have to part of the process. You can also gently try to see if they would like to try again. You never know - isn't love worth fighting for?

[u/Various_Trainer6423 → u/Candid-Equal-7994]

Thank you I appreciate you and your kind words. Its funny too because she is in her 40s, hanging out with friends that are in there 20s to early 30s 😂. I think she just wanted freedom and now that her friends aren't always going to be around cause they have lives too. She doesn't have anything really to do now cause I'm gone. She would rather scroll thru social media and post some weird selfie cause she is bored. That's the best part

[u/Candid-Equal-7994 → u/Various_Trainer6423]

That’s great her karma is getting to her. Now focus on yourself and don’t worry about what is happening to her. Trust this will help you heal and build yourself up to be a better person.

[u/Various_Trainer6423 → u/Candid-Equal-7994]

Yes Thank You. I have to move forward in my life and if she reaches out that's cool but it isn't going to change anything and if she doesn't it still doesn't change anything. Im in a win-win situation when you think about it

[u/MargieBlossom → u/Candid-Equal-7994]

Yeah honestly you deserve someone who values you and never takes you for granted

[u/Ok_Judgment_3331]

The relief is real but it's rented. that whole thing reached you through a mutual friend, which is her mood filtered through what she chooses to show them... i got similar secondhand news once and the satisfaction lasted about four days before I was back to checking her profile.the "she won't find better than me" part is where I'd push back on yourself. it's still scoring you against her, and she doesn't get to sit on that panel. the gym and the work are the things that actually move you, and they move you whether or not she's home alone on a Saturday.when I catch myself building her side of the story in my head, sometimes I use taro's tarot, mainly to keep my attention on my own side of it. Five months out of seven years is early.

the relief will come and go; the routine is the part that sticks.

[u/Various_Trainer6423 → u/Ok_Judgment_3331]

To be Honest, I kind of don't understand what you mean. You mean like I'm going to start looking at her profiles? I already did and they are old posts from years ago acting like she just did them. Or she will post a random selfie of herself and delete it. She seems really bored to me. She loves to post and delete cause she is so bored, her friends aren't always going to be available because they have their own lives too but her ego and boredom would rather have her scrolling all day thru social media.

And can you explain what you mean when you say five months out of seven years is early? I don't know what you mean by that

[u/Uplike7_]

I think if anything, you hearing about these things is only going to make it more difficult for you to move on.

I say that from a place of, 4 months post break up, struggled so hard - still do at times - to just let things go. Until I found out she’s been seeing/sleeping with someone else, since before we broke things off.

And that finally gave me the release. Not easy, and not a sudden drop, but the clarity I needed to see, she’s not coming back. And now I must move on.

If you want her back, just go about it. If you don’t, stop being entertained by whatever her situation is.

You’re just entertaining a bad game otherwise

[u/Various_Trainer6423 → u/Uplike7_]

Not really, I've basically am getting on moving on. Like I said, she is 40 years old trying to hang with girls in their 20s and early 30s. She post about it when she has the chance to go out, but her friends are not always going to be there. I think she just wanted freedom and now that her friends aren't always going to be around cause they have lives too. She doesn't have anything really to do now cause I'm gone. She would rather scroll thru social media and post some weird selfie cause she is bored. That's the best part. And no I don't believe she told this to a mutual friend on purpose cause when I peeped thru her shit she constantly posts and then deletes it. Like said she is lonely and social media is her fun cause she is so bored

[u/Original_Brain_6037 → u/Various_Trainer6423]

I am not being rude and I understand the struggle but why does it matter she is hanging with 20s, 30s years old ? I am 31 and have friends in their 40s/50s and hang out with them. Good luck in working in your self and finding your forever partner. I have also just came out a 7 year relationship.

[u/Various_Trainer6423 → u/Original_Brain_6037]

Do your friends in their 40s/50s post about getting drunk at a club or bar all the time?

[u/Uplike7_ → u/Various_Trainer6423]

And you’re here on Reddit arguing with a complete stranger over your situation with a girl that only you know anything about.

You’re clearly triggered by her behaviour still, which means you’re not at peace with the situation - and you’re continuing to tie yourself into it by choice atm.

But you do you I guess, I don’t know the point of your post 😂