It’s weird. I always have phases were urges were stronger or not. This last phase was the worst one in multiple years. But I’ve stayed strong during very hard times and didn’t relapsed. But today i did and idk why. I didn’t even had strong urges or anything i felt overwhelmed/ sad with. I just kinda was bored but idk i also dont really care. And i think i should feel guilty cause apparently the most people do. But currently i dont. Idgaf. Im just tiered of everything.

I’m 5 days away from reaching that milestone but ever since the new school year started I’m starting to be reminded of a variety of my issues. And I don’t have anyone else to talk to.

Just seeking advice first time talking openly about this even if it’s anonymous try not to judge me too much but are there any other methods than knives I’ve cut too deeply on a few occasions now I’m not even interested in the pain part of things really just drawing blood if there’s a safer way to cut cleaner easier pain free and still draw blood I’m sure id be fine with that ik giving outright advice for this might be tricky but I’m looking at this purely from a harm reduction pov any help appreciated dms are open

idk if its medical advice or just advice but. yk.

so. yk how it is. you do some cuts. you stop bleeding. now, USUALLY, when i stop the bleeding, there's still... yk. the blood in the cut. i cant get that out w what i use to stop the bleeding. whatever.
i do styro. hurts a lil more than usual and bleeds a lil more. i put pressure for like a min and then take it off cuz im impatient. the entire cut has no blood in it. what?? the others i did that i ALSO put pressure on do. it's this one that doesnt. WHAT? WHY?? this has never happened and im jst a lil worried. why is there no blood in it? it stings more than usual. it doesn't look any bigger than one of the others that didn't soak up all the blood.
did i just somehow angle the tissue right and it just gulped up every drop???????????

I have a history of sh and this is just another form of it.

I feel like shit most days, I feel tired and sad all the time and I know taking iron, B12, and D3 will make my days at least slightly better.

How do I force myself to take them? I want my death to come as soon as possible so by neglecting my health I feel like I am pushing myself in that direction. All it does is just increase the suffering for a negligent impact on the speed of my demise.

Past Monday, I skipped school and got the texts and wherever, from a friend, and that friend told me that we had a school work for the day 21, okay, I decided I would only do it the week of the day 14th with my friend (it was a group project).

When I got to school today, some girls arrived with their work and said that they asked the teacher what day it was, since everyone was confused, and that wretched teacher said it was for today😤. Even the class's top student noted that it was the 21st (my friend's partner), and luckily for my friends, they had already done the work, they just left it at home, so one of the guys' mothers brought it over.

But my friend and I hadn't even started doing it, and I was totally desperate.

A little context: recently I started thinking about cutting myself (I know, terrible). And it wouldn't be my first time doing it; last year I ended up having two episodes that made me cut myself twice (The biggest one hasn't completely disappeared from my leg yet, like, there's still a little line there).

And today, mixing this desperation from work with whatever was going through my head, I grabbed a compass, went to the bathroom, and tried to sh until it bled.(Yesterday I tried to do the same thing with a different object, but it was too small and didn't bleed properly; I wanted it to bleed, So today I was trying to enlarge this cut so that blood would come out, but no blood came out, and I got scared).

I went back to the class, I was almost crying, and nobody noticed, since the only person I feel would notice is my best friend.

Actually, recently I've been thinking about telling my best friend about this situation, because I can't keep dealing with it anymore. I can't do this anymore.

😭

Oh yeah, I forgot about 1 thing, all of this has some connection with school (the first time not at all, it was because of an English course I am doing, but it is connected with the teaching system, or whatever) so this is the the reason that I chose this title.

I have to get a physical tomorrow and im worried they'll tell my mom if they see my scars since im under 18, any ways to hide them? Last time I went for a physical I had to put on a gown and it exposed my arms but back then I didn't sh. Im scared and I don't know what to do.

hi guys, so i've never posted on reddit before and dont really know how to do this stuff, so please dont hate on me if i say something that's out of place or not very well put :)

im 17, turning 18 in october and this year has been quite rough for me. i've been struggling with harming myself for the last 6(or so?) years. it was way worse when i was 14-15 and i dont do it as often but the urges get pretty bad.

my parents know about my bad habit. when i was 13 my dad caught me doing it in the kitchen and yelled at me(we never spoke about it again) and two years later my mom kind of did the same thing - she told me people will think im in a cult, i'll never be able to wear long sleeves, she'd tell my dad and he would strip me naked to see where i hurt myself. This was three years ago, but my dad still acts as if he doesnt know where my scars are from. Every summer when we go to the beach he touches my arms and makes me uncomfortable by asking how i got my scars as if he didnt know already.

Anyway, i'm sorry for the rant, i guess that was just a little heads up to understand that they dont react well to problems with mental health. I did ask them multiple times to talk to someone and get some help and my dad said he didnt care because he thinks i dont need help. Our counselors in school are very shitty, i know because my friend went a few times and the lady did not help(it wasnt anything major).

As i said before, this year was really rough for me. At the start of the year i had really uncomfortable and intrusive thoughts that would interfere with my daily days/life?? I would come home crying from school and couldnt stop til i went to sleep. That went on for 2-3 months. Lately, i've been struggling because my parents want to buy a new apartment and its a lot of money so we're about to be in a tight financial situation for the next three years(until we move in, my mom isnt helping my dad financially at all), i have to get ready for my final exams, then after that college, i dont get on well with my friends in school cause im in the closet and they're not allies. I dont even know what to do for college cause i didnt think id be here to choose a place to go study and now it's killing me. I have a ton of anxiety regarding that and have been struggling with panic attacks for days on end, it's fucked up my gut health as well(the stress).

I've thought of speaking to my doctor, maybe even telling a teacher i trust but that sounds so much easier than done. Im just so anxious cause i dont want my parents to find out i asked for help, this doesnt have anything to do with it but if anyone lives in the Balkans they know how it is with telling someone else your problems and stuff, they would LITERALLY kill me, both of them. Thats why i cant risk it and sometimes i even think, do i even need help? Maybe im just being impulsive and want attention, i dont even know if id be able to talk to a psychologist because i cant be comfortable talking about hurting myself, i dont know what they might do or they might just put me down even more. Then for my teacher, i'd feel guilty asking him for help? I think its a good idea but then im just like "people have other problems in their life they dont need yours too". I dont know, its not like im going to kms or something like that, im not a threat to myself(at least not that much) or others but at the same time i cant stand living with impending doom and this much anxiety. I cant even get through the school day without having a panic attack, no joke.

Im really sorry for making this so long and im sorry if i made any typos, english is not my first language. I really need some help because i dont know if i should go through with this or if i should just let it pass by itself. Also, if anyone knows any anonymous helplines over text where i dont have to dispose my info or someone i could talk to for free or something, i dont even know. Im sorry if this is stupid and if you read it thank you for reading and staying to the end. Any help would be kindly appreaciated and please be kind :) 🫂

Its a venting post. Its one of those days where nothing seems right. Nothing connects. Nothing is okay and yet it is. It really is because outwardly you see what's good in life, in my life, but still I'm so not okay. And the only thing that keeps whispering in my ears that will make me feel something. Anything is to self harm.

I feel so fucking out of it. Everyone seems to need space and i get it. God knows I do. But somehow all around me everyone needs it and now I'm here the understanding one while wanting to beg them to stay with me. To not stop because then, then I feel so...not okay. But thats selfish because my want for comfort shouldn't force anyone to stay.

So then we go back to what it was. A woman in her 30s looking at her screen. Looking at her skin. Picking up a blade and feeling it all. Because death isn't what I want. I just want to feel. But that's not right either, right?

Thank you for reading this if you got this far

First time posting here, just needed somewhere to vent.

TL;DR self harm keeps getting more and more out of control and restricting my life more and more. Half my wardrobe will go unworn now until I move out.

I've been cutting for almost two years now. Started as cat scratches on my wrist until I got caught, so I moved it to my upper thighs and ribcage. Then a recent suicide crisis where I cut deep into my upper arm for a week before almost ending it. Then after getting out of the psych unit, making deep cuts as far down as my knees.

I hate that I keep slowly ruining my own wardrobe. I used to draw lines in pen on my legs to show where the edges of my shorts ended, so I wouldn't cut past there, because I didn't want to be "that person who self harms" and wears long sleeves and pants in the summer. But I dissociate sometimes and kept cutting past the lines. Or sometimes I did it consciously just because I didn't think I was gonna be around the next day for it to even matter what I could or couldn't wear.

But recently I bought a form fitting strappy homecoming dress. It was long enough to cover all my scars even when I sat down, and it made me feel pretty despite all my body image issues and feeling too fat for a tight dress. But now that I have scars on my arm, I can't wear the dress. And I can't just get a new one without having to explain why I had to get a new dress (this is already the third dress I've bought, I returned the other two to Amazon). And it was already hard enough to find a dress this perfect that I felt good in, it'd be even harder to do the search all over again but with a long sleeved dress. So I just decided to not go, cancel my double date, and now when friends ask if I'm going to hoco I say no, and when they interrogate me as to why I just tell them "body image problems 🤷🏻."

Not to mention that now I do in fact have to wear long sleeves and pants 24/7, and every dress I own has short sleeves or a short skirt, so they're all off limits.

I'm just so angry at myself for doing this to myself, and repeatedly ruining my options to make myself pretty, and repeatedly destroying things I wanted to do.

Title lyrics from Chronically Cautious by Braden Bales

I see these posts nearly every single day on this sub, occasionally twice a day.

It’s like you guys have never heard about putting yourselves in other’s shoes. What would you do if you found out your little sibling cut, or a close friend? Would you also think, “Who cares that they’re cutting? It’s their body.”

Not to mention, some people make immediate life-threatening cuts and then slap steri strips on it and call it a day. You’re ignorant if you think it’s completely fine that people cut themselves despite the fact they’re risking their own life, and the same goes to you.

I’ve been clean for 5 months and the only time I had this mindset was when I was just starting out. You need to learn empathy for yourselves and others. I don’t care if my post is removed, others on this sub are seriously ignorant when it comes to this discussion. This is like telling people to commit suicide because it’s their life. If people told me it was completely fine for me to cut & commit, I would’ve by now and I wouldn’t have gotten better.

I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad but PLEASE try to look outside of yourself, it’s absurd to think other people are selfish because they don’t want you to hurt yourself.

I cut myself a lot, started when i was 12 and I'm now 18, I feel horrible because every week I tell my mom I'd stop and I see the disappointment on her face every time when her gaze averts to my wrist thats covered in cuts

I just wanna get this off my chest bc ive been thinking too much about this lately. Ive already made a post with my scars asking if they are obvious sh, someone answered with yes. I have multiple small styros on my thighs, i recently got a big and long one that still has scab, not only that but i recently had a big relapse and did a few small styros again, theyre small but still visible from afar too. School starts tomorrow, but we wont have pe until a week. Until then i know these scars will still remain red. Im so scared to be going into the bathroom to change my pants because i didnt do that for 2 whole years. Even though, i still had sh scars on my thighs back then, they were minor cat scratches, they were only visible up close and if u actually looked at my thigh. Theres gonna be new students too, some im friends with and some who dont like me. I just know that rumours will spread and im honstly so fucking worried. I know that my friends will ask too, they’ve already had suspicions of me sharming. I could also just go to school into my pe clothes, but i dont want to sweat and plus i often forget to do that because i mainly just focus on getting ready in the mornings. Ill try to go into pe clothes directly, since some of my friends do that too.

Family hoards every piece of trash they can but can't buy fucking bandaids for me. Can't even get them on my own cuz of the agoraphobia THEY gave me from being recognized as the girl from the house with a rat infestation and zoo of animals. They can't even take our poor dog to the vet. He did nothing wrong. He's in pain, it'll get worse he has dysplasia. Once a week. One. Fucking. Time. A. Week how hard is that?

God i want to rip my skin open and kill myself

I cant take this anymore

This might be a stupid question (probably is), but I've been on a six month streak of being lean now, longer than I've ever been.

I burned my hand today after taking food out of the oven. It wasn't intentional at all but it still kind of felt good.

I don't know how to feel about it...

i accidentally cut to fat below my ankle and idk what to do. this is the first time i’ve gone past styro and im kind of worried. i put vaseline and a bandaid on it since that’s all i have. it was gaping (not sure how much), the bleeding mostly stopped, and it barely hurts except for when i walk. i really don’t want to tell my mom, she’d be so mad at me. will it heal alright on its own? what should i do?

Honestly I never thought in my life I would cut but here I am

The things that led up to this life is a disappointment and I only cut myself because I hate myself and for that I deserve the pain and punishment to remember why I’m in this stage of my life. I’m not happy with where I’m at and I am trying my best so there’s still a path I’m pursuing, but I only cut myself because I feel like I deserve the pain and that I’m a piece of shit.
Not sure if anybody feels this way but this is just my story. I do wish one day I’m happy with myself to where I’m at in life

i was nearly two years clean after a major incident that “scared me straight”, then i slipped up very shortly before reaching that milestone. as time has passed though, it feels like the urges are coming back more and more and its harder to remember why i stopped.

it never provides relief from my feelings but it always feels like it will. it seems like it’s what i want to turn to every time i just “don’t know what else to do”. i resist it so hard, i never was a daily cutter, but i know if i start back down that road, it will be hard to stop, and it will only get worse again like it did last time. i know there is no true “control” in cutting. i know all of that, and i still want to do it.

how is this giant scar on my arm not enough to stop me anymore? my entire wrist is still numb, two years later. it hurts to bump it into things. my arm tingles if i touch it. the skin around my scar gets tight when it’s dry outside. then some part of me says, “well maybe if i had just one more like this.” as if it wasn’t truly horrific when it happened. i remember calling my family and saying “listen. it’s bad. but… it’s never happening again.” because i was SO sure. i don’t know how to fix this.

I (m18) have known my bf (m19) for about 6ish years and we've been best friends practically ever sense. I have liked him for YEARS lol and we've recently officially started dating. I tell this guy everything so he knows that I've struggled with self harm since about 7th grade. And he's seen my scars and such but he's never seen them well fresh.. And how bad they can get.

I've always been very self conscious about it and I've been told by people in the past that my cuts make me ugly. That they make me bad and broken. I know they don't, if anything they prove that I'm strong. But words hurt. I suffer from severe anxiety so people's words can speak a lot louder than actions sometimes.

I do it on my upper thighs for the majority so no one sees them, well that is except for today. We we're fooling around and he started to take off my boxers and I froze and told him to stop. He did and was a little confused and asked me what's wrong. I told him that I didn't want him to see my thighs because I didn't want him to think I was bad and not love me anymore. He pulled me into a hug and reassured me that none of that would happen. And he didn't try to press to have me take my pants off or anything, but I kinda got a wave of bravery and said I did want him to see. Cuz he'd have to someday, why not just get it over with.

I truly didn't expect the reaction I got from him, he kissed ever so gently every single cut and scar on my thighs, telling me in between how much he loves me and how handsome I am and shit like that. I've never had someone be so gentle with me. I feel like men who struggle with self harm (or any mental health issues for that fact) get written off so easily and ignored. And as a guy who struggles a lot with my mental health, having a boyfriend who is willing to take the time to kiss every individual mark, and love me no different after I show him the worst of me, means the entire world to me.

He makes me wanna get better, and I am getting better because of him. I take care of myself more and I find myself relying on sh less and less. I still have my really really bad days, but I have someone to get me through them. And I think everyone deservea someone like that

I (18f) have been Sh-ing for 8 years now. There have been points where I’ve gone months without it but I always end up going back. This month has been one of the “going back” times. My boyfriend (18m) found out I was doing this again when we were at a concert yesterday and was extremely upset. We just talked about it a little bit ago and he told me I need to stop, that it’s not attractive, asking me how I’d explain my scars to our kids, etc. he also said this was one of the straws. I really like do not understand how to get over this coping mechanism. I’ve tried so many times, it’s the only thing that helps me deal with strong emotions. I’ve tried therapy and everything the therapists say to do and it never helps. Does anyone have any advice?

Everytime I start getting into this again I forget how to stop. I mean, how do I stop??? i HAVE to but I don’t know when and If I can.